01x01 - Mike

[bunniefuu]

[soft rustling]

Check, check.

[snapping]

Rolling.

[crickets chirping]

[snow crunching underfoot]

[distant owl hooting]

[reading sign]

Yep. Made that very clear
on your nine emails.

[sighs] Yeah.

[click]

Hello?

[door closes]

It's Mike.

[Mike mutters]

I got the script.

Hello?

MAN: [stage whispering] Hey!

Are you rolling?

MIKE: I am.

MAN: Are you gonna
yell "action"?

MIKE: Oh. Uh...

[clears throat] Action!

[dramatically]
On that fateful evening,

I was not yet a k*ller.

My thirst for blood
was as of a small child,

or... a baby wolf.

I was merely perched
on the precipice

of the encroaching darkness.

- MIKE: Uh...
- [pages rustling]

"So, are you saying
you chose to become a vampire?"

[laughing]

Oh, my child, were it so simple.

But what is choice and
what is destiny, I cannot say.

I only know this:

as I watched the glorious day

fade into a delicious,
blood-red sunset,

I willingly said goodbye
to the sun.

I chose to become
that which I am now.

- [hissing]
- [Mike exclaims]

MAN: Oh! Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

Oh, my God. Did you feel that?

That was incredible! Oh, my God!

That's why you always
roll on the first take!

That's why we always
roll on the first take!

You-- you-- you were incredible.

Get over here.
I love you, man. Come on.

- [both grunt]
- What's your name again?

- MIKE: Uh, Mike.
- Mike.

I like Mike. Mm-hmm. Magic Mike.

It's gonna be
a great night, Mike.

Gonna be a great night!

[Mike exhales] Holy sh*t.

[eerie theme music]

*

MIKE: Hey, I'm, uh,
all set up out here.

MAN: Sorry, I can't hear you.
Come on in.

- MIKE: Oh, sorry.
- It's okay.

I was just saying I'm all set up
out there whenever you're ready.

Mm-hmm.

- MIKE: Cool.
- MAN: Hey, Mike?

[spits]

Uh, I just wanna say...

I know this whole setup
is a little awkward.

You know?
Some guy, I pay you $1,000

to come all the way
out here and film me,

and I acknowledge that, and...

I appreciate your trust.

So, I wanna be 100% honest
with you about something.

MIKE: Okay.

I'm feeling
very vulnerable tonight.

And sometimes, when I feel
that way, I can get a little...

in the moment.

It's just,
this is very important.

This is my dream.

And now, you are
a partner in that dream.

And now,
I'm getting emotional and I'm--

I'm-- I'm just
trying to say thank you.

Thank you, Mike.

MIKE: You're welcome.

[clap]

Truth. Dedication. Integrity.

These are the principles
with which I have lived my life,

and these are
the very principles I plan

to bring with me should
you choose to accept me

into your intent-- Ah! Blah.

MIKE: It's uh...

it's gonna be a cut.

Sorry, one sec.

Get this right.

Yeah,
I know the lighting's important,

but the performance
is what matters here,

so I think we just--

let's just-- I'm ready, so.

MIKE: Okay.

Okay, great. Ready when you are.

- Truth--
- MIKE: Oh, sorry. One sec.

[shouting] Mike!

Can we have a little talk
about process, please?

Truth. Dedication. Integrity.

These are the principles with
which I have lived my life,

and these are
the very principles

I plan to bring with me
should you choose to accept me

into your nine-month intensive
Acting For Camera program.

My name is Jeff Daniels.

I am not that Jeff Daniels,
but I hope with your guidance

to one day achieve
his level of artistry.

I mean, come on.
Speed in 1993, he plays Harry.

The very next year, he plays
another character named Harry

in Dumb and Dumber.

I have that talent.

I have that dedication.
I just need your skills.

Together? [chuckles]

Well... we can make history.

All right, thoughts?
Just-- just hit me with it.

MIKE: Great. I-- I thought
it was great. It was good.

That's it? Just good?

MIKE: No, I just-- You know,
we've done a lot of takes,

and I think somewhere
in those last 18,

you've-- you've got it.

Huh.

Okay.

So, I don't believe you.

I don't believe that we have it.

I don't think you believe
that we have it.

I think that you are
just saying that we have it

so that you can get your $1,000

and leave here
as soon as possible.

And you know what else I think?

I can't-- I can't believe
I'm gonna say this, but...

I think you don't care whether
I get into acting school or not.

Oh, my God, I'm gonna be sick.
I'm gonna be sick.

MIKE: No, no, I think you're
a genuinely good actor.

I don't believe you, Michael.

I don't believe
anything you say.

MIKE: Well,
what do you want from me?

The truth!

That's all.

MIKE: The truth is
I've done a lot of acting reels.

And?

MIKE: And you're...

- up there--
- [shouting] No! No, no!

[door slams]

MIKE: Mr. Daniels?

Hey, Jeff?

So, I think we're,
uh, wrapped here. Um...

I'd like to talk about
the payment we agreed on.

Um, if you got the cash,
that's great,

but I also have Venmo and Zelle
if that works better.

But I am gonna need
the payment before I leave.

[Mike sighs]

God damn it.

sh*t.

- [Mike screaming]
- [Jeff shouting]

[screaming]

JEFF: Here it is, Mikey!
The truth!

That's what we've been
looking for here tonight.

Look at that beautiful face.

Please give me my camera.

JEFF: Listen,
I understand that you're upset,

but I just wanna say,
I'm so proud of you.

You found the truth
in that bathroom, Mikey.

And while I realize it--
it was uncomfortable for you,

this is where great art begins.

Okay, ple-- please stop talking.

I just want my money, man.

JEFF: What? Really?

You just--

you're just gonna
leave all this behind?

I feel like we just
had a breakthrough,

- I don't--
- [stomp]

[Mike sighs]

JEFF:
Oh, Michael.

Did you just put
your foot down with me?

Interesting.

This is getting exciting.

What's he gonna do next?

- Thank you.
- JEFF: You're welcome.

Oh, my. Look at that.

It is really coming down
out there now.

It's a good thing you got,
uh, four-wheel drive

in your car there, Mike, huh?

Well...

[inhales sharply] ...oof.

Even if you get
out of the driveway,

coming down that hill
is gonna be treacherous.

But, that's what
snow chains are for, so.

Oh. No snow chains?

God. They're never really there
when you need 'em, are they?

Look, I'm--

JEFF: I've got
another $1,000 for you.

I've got a new scene
that just hit me.

I need to show that
same fear and vulnerability

you just showed in the bathroom.

I had it all wrong
and I apologize.

I wasted your time.
But this is the thing:

I shouldn't be
playing the villain.

I need to play the victim.

Doot!

[Jeff vocalizing]

Ahh!

[cackling] Yeah! Yeah!

MIKE: Okay, lighting set.

All right,
you got a full battery?

Uh, do you wanna tell me about
the scene that we're doing here?

Yeah, I'm James Caan,
you're Kathy Bates. Duh.

Tie me up.

- MIKE: What?
- I need you to tie me up

nice and tight
so I can't get loose,

so when you come
charging through that door

with this bat, we're gonna
see true terror on my face.

The same kind we saw on
your face in that bathroom.

The kind that undeniably
gains admittance

to the most prestigious
nine-month

Acting For Camera program
in this country.

MIKE: Man, I don't--
I don't know--

- [shouting] Mike!
- [Mike exclaims]

You see? Terror! That's what
I'm talking about, right there.

We just need that look
on my face, okay?

So come on, tie me up.

- [shouting] Move it!
- [Mike exclaims]

- MIKE: God.
- Okay.

All right, how familiar are you
with the movie Misery?

I mean, yeah,
I've seen the movie.

Okay, good. So you know
how she's always coming in

and kind of threatening him
and terrorizing him, right?

I need you to come
through that door,

I need you to come at me hard.

- What are the lines that I'm--
- We're gonna be improvising.

We don't need lines, man.
This is make-believe.

I need you to make me believe
that you're gonna k*ll me.

[exhales] Here we go.

And... action!

Whoa, whoa. What are you doing?

- MIKE: What?
- You're-- you gotta be

running and screaming
and yelling and, like--

MIKE: I didn't wanna
yell over your lines.

I thought you were
saying something.

Okay, you don't have to
be that considerate.

Okay? Menacing.

[exhales]

- You ready, Mike?
- MIKE: Yes.

- I said are you ready, Mike?
- MIKE: Yes!

Here we go.
Three, two, one, k*ll!

I'm gonna cobble you!

Mike, it's-- it's "hobble."
It's not "cobble."

Can you just be a m*rder*r?
It's not that hard.

MIKE: "Hobble."

[Mike shouting]

- Oh, wait, here's an idea.
- MIKE: Dude.

Next time you come in,
you veer right towards my legs

and just start bashing
my legs with the bat.

Just slam 'em, and I'll turn.

I can kind of
fake towards camera.

I'll have the big agony
and the tears and all that.

It'd be, I think, pretty cool.

Okay, but I'm not gonna
actually hit your legs--

Mike,
will you please just help me?

Jesus.

Oh, my God, my legs!
I'm never gonna walk again!

No, Annie! No! No!

Oh, my God,
this is so embarrassing.

I'm ashamed of myself, Mike.

Oh, my God. I think we're gonna
have to start from scratch.

How do you erase the camera?
Can we just--

Is there an "erase all" button?

- Penny for your thoughts?
- [Mike gasps]

[scoffs] Will you please
stop doing that, man?

[Mike sighs]

JEFF: Probably thinking about

how you wanna
get out of here, huh?

Yeah, I get it.

It does kind of seem like we hit

a bit of a creative wall
in there, but,

you know, they do say that...

That's right when the magic
happens, you know what I mean?

- It's, like, uh, two seconds...
- I'm--

- ...before the miracle.
- I'm begging you, man.

Just, please, like, leave me
alone for a little bit until

- the snow stops and I can--
- Just hear me out, okay?

No more-- no more
audition scenes.

No more acting school. That was
all ego bullshit anyway, okay?

What if you and I make

a film together, tonight?

I saw your short film, Mike.

- You did?
- I liked it.

- Really?
- I didn't love it.

It didn't set the world on fire.

I mean, it felt like
you were kind of just...

scratching the surface of those
characters' pain, you know?

You were scared.

But we could make a movie
with real pain in it.

Something deeply personal.

A story only
you and I could tell.

What do you think
about that, Mikey?

Yeah, no, I think I'm just gonna
wait for the snow plow to come,

- and I'm gonna--
- I'll give you $2,000,

and we can sh**t it
in under an hour.

Yep. Yeah.

So, what's this story?

Don't know yet, Michael.
But I'm excited.

You know,
I once saw this obscure film

from a completely unknown
but deeply talented filmmaker,

and his process,
it was really fascinating.

He would use a combination
of documentary and fiction,

and he would set up
scenarios in which

the people would-- would
play things that were simple

and close to home for them.

For instance, if he was here
tonight, I think he would say,

"Why don't you just play
a guy who's hired someone

"to come up
and film his audition video?

"You know, he's a little
awkward, a little strange."

And you could play
a struggling filmmaker,

right, who's a little annoyed,

wants to get out of there
as soon as he can with his cash.

It's great, right?

MIKE: Sure.

Set.

JEFF: [whispering]
Are you rolling?

- MIKE: Yes.
- JEFF: Okay,

I'll lead you into it.
You just follow me.

MIKE: Okay.

JEFF: Action!

Hey, are you Mike?

MIKE: I am. Hi.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God,
this is gonna be a good night.

You know, you have
a really nice, kind face.

MIKE: Thanks.

Can I get a hug, Mike?

MIKE: Uh, sure.

[Jeff chuckles] All right.

Gotta ask first these days.

You don't want HR
coming after you,

you know what I mean? [chuckles]

[Mike chuckles awkwardly]

So, you haven't asked me
about the axe yet, Mike.

MIKE: Sorry?

You know, the axe
in the stump right there.

I just-- I assumed
you'd be curious

as to how that might
play into the scene.

MIKE: Yeah,
it had crossed my mind.

Yeah, I'll bet it did!

But look,
I don't want you to worry. Okay.

It's just rubber,
you know? It's fake.

Here, you wanna test it?

Good. I just want you
to be comfortable,

because in a few moments,
I am going to be swinging

this axe full force
towards the base of your skull.

Cool?

- Cool.
- All right, cool.

So, I say we ditch
the victim idea.

That wasn't working, right?

And we go back to me
playing the villain.

But not like
a 19th century vampire.

That was kind of dumb.
What if I just play, like,

a regular, every day,
average guy villain?

The last guy in the world
you'd think

would be a serial k*ller, right?

And then, when you watch
the whole nuanced performance

all the way to the cl*max,
you realize,

this guy's been dropping hints
the whole way.

Carefully placed Easter eggs.

And you think, "This guy
might be capable of m*rder!"

Like, take the axe,
for instance. Right?

So emotionally, on my face,
playing anxiety, worry. Right?

But when you go back
and you watch the footage,

the physicality of him
with the axe?

Calm. Cool. Collected.

MIKE: Wait, sorry.
Are you describing the scene,

or are you actually
doing the scene?

Exactly. The naturalism is
what it's all about, right?

The acting is so good,

you don't even know
what's acting and what's not.

It's like-- it's like a magic
trick. Like sleight of hand.

Speaking of which...

when you think about it,

did you get enough time
to test that axe properly?

Are you sure it's fake?

He only offered you the handle.

You didn't even get a chance
to test the blade.

And then,
it starts to dawn on you.

While it is
an absolutely insane idea

that this man is not an actor
auditioning for acting school,

that this entire evening has
been an elaborate ruse,

that you are not in the company
of a hack Jeff Daniels,

you're with one of
the greatest actors of all time.

Oh, that's ridiculous.
That can't be true, right?

So, you don't need to run away.

But you do start to
slowly walk away, because...

how can you be sure?

And then it hits you!

Wait, the axe! Right!

He slid the blade
across his hand.

So, if there's blood
on his hand,

that axe is real.

If there's blood on his hands,

this could be
really, really bad.

It's the moment of truth, Mike.

[Mike laughing]

- [both laughing]
- MIKE: Oh, my God!

That scared the sh*t out of me!

That was convincing, man.

Like, I admit it, like,
you didn't have it in

- the takes before, but, like...
- I know. I know.

MIKE: ...that was really good!

You have an audition, man.
And we have a short film.

I mean,
this could get into Sundance.

Yeah! High five!

[both chuckle]

- MIKE: No.
- Yes.

[Mike exclaims]

JEFF: Run, Mike, run! Yes!

[Mike yelps]

[both panting]

[Mike breathing heavily]

[Jeff snarls]

MIKE: Cut! Cut!

- No, keep rolling!
- MIKE: I am rolling!

- [Jeff shouting]
- Cut!

[both grunting]

JEFF: Where you going?

Hey-- [grunts]

[Jeff panting]

Hey... where'd you go?

[panting]

What?

That was really good.

I'm impressed.

Oh!

[snickers]

I see a footprint.

Guess you're hiding
over here somewhere.

Well, unless
you pulled a Shining,

you retraced
your footsteps, maybe--

Oh! Wait. I-- [laughs]

Nope. Come out, Mike. I saw you.

Hi. Hi!

Oh, boy.
Oh, that's not very good.

That's not good at all.

Don't really see a way
out of it for this one.

Might be the end of the movie,
my friend.

Unless you got any i-- Wait,
is he getting an idea? What?

What is this? Oh--
Oh! Right, the car.

Yeah, race to the car. That's
kind of an interesting idea.

My thing is, I guess I'm
a little closer to the car

than you are,
so I don't know if it-- Oh!

Oh, there he goes!
There he goes!

Oh, no. Oh, no!
[laughing] No, it's locked!

Oh, you got it, Mike.

- You got it. f*ck!
- [axe thuds]

[Mike grunts]

- [axe thuds]
- [Mike groans]

[Jeff grunts]

[axe thuds]

[Jeff exhales]

[Jeff sighs]

[exhales]

[sighs]

[eerie theme music]