(dramatic music)
(dramatic, mysterious music)
(thunder crashes)
(footsteps tapping ground)
(train whistles)
(owl hooting)
(footsteps pattering)
(werewolf growling)
- Welcome to "Dimension 20: Coffin Run."
How are we feeling, Fang g*ng?
- [Fang g*ng] Blegh!
- Blegh indeed.
For, where we last left our Fang g*ng,
they were hurtling through
a werewolf-infested forest
underneath a beautiful, silvery argentine
is that what we call it, moon?
- I think it's a country.
- Yeah, I'm gonna look it up.
Argentine, of or resembling silver.
Boom, I was right.
- Whoa!
- Oh argent.
- Damn it!
- Yeah, argent, like,
yeah. Okay, that's fine.
- Argentina, silver country.
(Jasmine laughs)
- And we're facing werewolves, silver.
- Silver.
- Ooh, yes, yes.
Therefore it's apt.
See, now you understand.
- Now I understand.
- Now you understand my mind.
- Full circle, yeah.
- You are bathed in shards
of pure silver moonlight
as you try to dodge and duck your way
in between the boughs of this haunted,
werewolf-infested forest.
(sound of branches thwacking)
Maybe some of us are not ducking them.
- My head.
- Around you, these haunted boughs
reverberate with the sound of (howls)
You hear another answering
call off from your left.
Roll for initiative, chumps!
(Carlos cheers)
- Chumps?
I'm being bullied.
- Izzy's like, "First you
give me a friendship bracelet
then you call me a chump?"
All right, lay 'em on me.
- 18.
- [Jasmine] 18.
- 18.
- What's your initiative modifier?
- You got a +1 right here.
- One.
- [Jasmine] Okay.
- Seven.
- And Squing.
- 10!
- 10!
- [Zac] Blegh!
I have a little bag of sand?
(Carlos laughing)
- [Carlos] Hey, a little bag of sand.
- I'm not gonna complain about that.
- You do have one little bag of sand.
- [Carlos] Free sand, okay.
- Think, there's gotta be a way
to use the little bag
of sand in this combat.
- I turned my flamethrower
on before we started combat.
- [Jasmine] Mm-hmm.
- Okay?
- Okay, so at the top of
the initiative round...
(player gasps)
[Jasmine] This big beluga
comes up here around this
beautiful tree. Thank you
so much to Dwarven Forge
for our beautiful haunted forest.
- Shout-outs to Rick Perry
for making these amazing werewolves!
- They're all female werewolves?
- [Jasmine] Yes, yes. They're so cool.
You see her appear in between
the boughs of this tree
raising her head in between the leaves
and snarling at you all.
With one quick leap
she's going to land here
and hold her action.
She's in the tree. She's not floating.
- And now that we know that they're girls,
we should treat them differently.
(Carlos laughing)
- [Jasmine] A particularly
large werewolf with braids
leaps down from this tree here
straight in front of the carriage.
- [Carlos] Oh no!
- [Izzy] Oh no.
♪ She's a lady. ♪
- She is going to attack.
(Erika gasps)
- She's got a funny hat on.
- [Jasmine] The first one misses.
- Were we moving when she
landed in front of us?
- Yes.
- [Zac] Okay.
- The second one hits.
- Is she hitting the horse?
- [Jasmine] Mm-hmm.
(players gasp)
One of the horses dissolves into mist.
- [Erika] No!
- [Jasmine] A sickening (whinnies)
Leaving you with three.
- [Izzy] They are not very strong.
- And then she is going to
disengage and hide back here.
The carriage is going to move forward
at the end of both of their
turns bringing you here.
And then because y'all rolled so-
- Oh my God, Drago's hump is gone!
- [Jasmine] Yes, that was always planned.
- [Carlos] Oh, wow.
- Yeah, Drago's hump is indeed gone
as he is now finished
setting up his crossbow
for one of you to use.
- So that's what a ballista is.
- Oh, so he's not even
using it. Okay, okay.
- Oh, what?
- [Jasmine] Unless you want him to.
One of you can use it.
- Yes, Drago.
- [Jasmine] And then this
werewolf is going to jump down
from this tree and attempt
to land onto the carriage.
Let's see if they stuck the landing.
- And that's a girl too?
I can't tell because
it's not wearing a skirt.
- They do. She sticks the landing.
(player gasps)
Landing behind Drago.
- [Izzy] She's got her
snoot in Drago's butt.
- That will be her movement,
and then she's going to attempt
to attack him but misses.
And with that it is your turn, May.
- Oh boy!
- May, help me. (laughs)
- What's going on?
- [Jasmine] Oh, the carriage
moves forward another 10 feet.
- [Zac] Mommy May?
- Oh, make a dex save, Squing.
- Oh no!
- Squing?
- [Izzy] Because he fell off?
- Come on, come on, come on.
- [Jasmine] See, these
branches are indeed functional.
- [Carlos] Oh, don't
Squing this up, Squing.
- I got a 12.
- Squing, you take...
- [Izzy] Stop!
- Oh, is Zarb out there,
by the way? I don't know.
- [Jasmine] Oh yes, we have a Zarb mini
complete with all of the buttholes.
- [Zac] Oh, good.
- [Izzy] Yay!
- [Erika] Oh, wow.
- [Izzy] Wow, Rick works fast.
- You wanna count those buttholes
before she puts it down?
- Go ahead, take it. You count
them, put them on the camera.
- [Zac] One, two, three, four, five, six.
- Five, five, throw it out.
- Yeah.
- [Jasmine] I think there's six, right?
- [Zac] I believe there are six.
- [Izzy] Wait, there actually is?
- [Carlos] Oh, is there really?
I was just making a joke.
- [Jasmine] Rick Perry is an angel, okay?
- [Izzy] Wait, what?
- Angel or a devil?
- Wait, are those actually buttholes?
- Yeah, they were.
- [Jasmine] Yeah.
- You made this this week?
'Cause didn't we say that last time?
- Yeah.
- Is this real?
I feel like I'm gonna cry.
- Let me see, let me see.
Let me see the buttholes.
- [Erika] We wanna see the butt.
- I think that they actually-
- Show us the starfish!
- He knew I wanted buttholes. (laughs)
- What's hard to understand about this?
- Oh my God!
- Zarb has six buttholes.
- It's not just painted on here either.
They're fully- (laughs)
- They have a depth to-
- My...
- Place your many-buttholed familiar, Zac.
- [Izzy] My life...
- Here you go, man.
- [Jasmine] Where is Zarb?
- My life is incredible.
- I'm just gonna put Zarb right there.
- Okay, roll for Zarb's dex save as well.
- [Zac] Yeah, not into this.
- I can't believe I, I'm
living the exact life
I needed to live.
- Zarb got a 14.
I'm sorry, what happened to me for the- ?
- Why do I feel so moved?
- [Jasmine] What did you get?
- I got a 12.
- So Zarb is able to duck
underneath the branches
just as (swoop) it sweeps over his head
and smacks you right in your fleshy face.
You take 11 bludgeoning damage.
- You absorb the branch.
- Give me a strength saving throw
since you did hit the branch.
- Yikes, 12.
- You manage to barely
stay on the carriage
having- (laughs) having, yes, fully
absorbed the branch into your
fleshy noggin. - You'd think
I know what these were by now,
devilish branches.
- Devilish.
- The branches and the werewolves
are working in concert.
(players laughing)
- Does it stay in his head?
- [Jasmine] Yeah, like a-
- Like bark.
- There's a strange, one little twig
just sticking out of the side of your head
as it snaps clear off the tree.
- There's a bird nest in the hat now.
- I can't believe what those
buttholes like did to me.
(Jasmine laughing)
- You know...
- You lost your k*ller
instinct when you saw...
(players laughing)
- Carlos, I forgive you.
- An ally.
- It made it real. I mean,
we got so close to the end.
It makes us reflect on our lives.
(laughing)
- May, you hear the strange
sound of the carriage
with a weird ka-thunk, ka-thunk
where one part of the wheel
where the spoke was damaged
has kind of like started to come apart.
You hear, Squing, what sound do you make
when you absorb this branch?
(Zac groans)
You hear that.
- Uh-oh.
- And you hear the howling around you.
You also heard one of these horses
just let out this really disturbing sound
before dissipating into smoke.
What do you do?
- Oh yeah, so I'm inside.
I'm inside.
- [Jasmine] Mm-hmm.
- I peek out and I see the werewolves.
- You see this one up here.
This one back here took the hide action
so you would have to roll to
see if you perceived them.
If you peek outside, you
also see this one up here.
- I shout, "We have no quarrel with you!
Please abide by the treaties
that we have long since
held between our kind."
- Give me an insight check.
- Boop, I know nothing.
Yeah, I rolled a two.
There's a two on the die.
That's five, for a total of five.
- [Jasmine] Yeah, even with a five-
- Just made up a treaty.
- Yeah, yeah.
As you lock eyes with
this werewolf up here
who's just ahead of you
or just on the carriage
on top you, it snarls at you
and you see almost no humanity in it.
You see this thing bathed in silver.
Its dark fur almost looks like
it's glowing in the night,
and you feel in your heart of hearts
that this thing cannot be
reasoned with in this moment.
- Oh, well sh**t.
Okay, I look at the wheel, is that?
- [Jasmine] It's the one on this side.
- Okay, and is it, seem like
there are these pieces intact?
It's like, all of the pieces are intact.
It just needs to be pushed back in?
- It's like a circle and one part of it's
almost been like kind of crunched in,
if that makes sense, yeah.
- [Erika] Okay.
- Like someone lifted up a slice of pizza.
- Let me know if I can use Thaumaturgy to
uh, fix it, to have...
to have...
let's call it like a shadowy mist
sort of glom itself onto
the wheel like in the way
that you put chewing gum
on a tire that's busted
with a- now you're just like,
"Well, I hope that fixes that."
- A mist?
- [Erika] Yeah.
- Chewing gum mist, yes.
- Yes, like a chewing gum mist.
- Well, with Thaumaturgy you
can unlock a door, a window.
You can make it fly open or slam shut.
You can try to take the piece
of this wheel that's curved up
and slam it back.
- Yeah.
Oh, I'd like to do that.
- Perfect.
Go ahead and roll your arcana.
- Oh, okay.
(dramatic music)
That's a 20, a dirty 20.
- Amazing.
(Erika shouts)
The carriage stops making
the strange sounds,
ka-thunk, ka-thunk, every
time it goes over that
as you manage to create this shadowy hand
and slam that part of the wheel
that has been bent out
of shape back into place
kind of preventing your carriage
and the coffin in the back
from teetering at a precarious angle.
Would you like to do anything
with your bonus action?
- I would, I go, "That'll
get us back to the garage
until we can get that buffed out."
- (laughs) Garage.
And she sticks her fingers
in her mouth and whistles
like this shrill, piercing whistle.
I go, "Fifi, Fifi. (pounds table)
Here, come here. Here, Fifi."
Oh my God!
(Erika shrieks and laughs)
And a little Pomeranian
comes bounding out of the forest.
It's got the stats of a
dire wolf so it's still
this little tiny thing with
terrifying capabilities and so-
- Squing sees a Pomeranian
whip through the forest.
Another one!
(players laughing)
- How many buttholes?
- Just the normal amount
for a Pomeranian.
- Four.
- So four, yeah.
- Do you move?
Go ahead and place yourself
where you'd like to be there.
- I'm inside the carriage.
- [Jasmine] Okay, perfect.
- And I think Fifi will be
up agai- up near the carriage
like right next to me, running alongside.
- Perfect, awesome.
You see this, Aleksandr. What do you do?
- Aleksandr is going to try to sort of...
Okay, so we have like doors or windows
that we can sort of come out of, right?
- Yeah, and they provide half
cover while you're inside.
- [Izzy] Okay, if I look out that way
can I see that one?
- [Jasmine] Yes, you would
definitely have line of sight.
- Okay, he, I'm-
- Warhammer rules.
- Going to bonus action move my...
thing 'cause it was already ignited
and point it at skirt girl.
- [Jasmine] Mm-hmm.
- [Erika] Haha, another stand.
Do that.
- So they make a dex save?
- They make a dex save of 16.
- Four, they fail.
- b*tch.
(Carlos and Erika laughing)
They take 2d6 plus five.
Six plus five, 11 damage.
- Okay, do you want some
options on what you could do?
- Well, I guess I'll just attack her again
'cause that's who I can see, right?
- [Jasmine] Yes.
- Yeah, I will...
Acid Splash her.
- [Jasmine] Perfect!
- That's a cantrip.
- [Jasmine] Okay.
- And that's dex 16 as well.
- Fails.
- Fails, 2d6 plus five acid damage.
Jesus Christ, uh, seven.
Another seven damage.
- So you did 11 and then-
- [Izzy] Seven.
- And then seven so 18 total?
- Mm-hmm.
Thank you.
- All right, so you... (laughs)
I love you, Izzy. So you
re-angle your flame thrower.
You completely douse werewolf
number two in flames,
setting the skirt alight
as well as the tips of their hair on fire.
You can smell like a burning dog smell.
It doesn't smell good.
But then you follow it
up with an acid attack,
and sure enough, you get hit
with the smell of burning hair
and the werewolf howls.
(werewolf howling)
It is now-
- [Zac] Another one?
- [Jasmine] Werewolf number three's turn.
- Another one?
- They were back here. They can move here.
And they're going to attempt
to break the back door
off of the carriage.
- Scheisse.
- sh*t, sh*t.
- [Jasmine] This werewolf and Drago
both have to make dex saves
to see if they remain
on top of the carriage.
Drago makes it. The werewolf does not.
- Good.
- Yes.
- Werewolf number four, you
hear this loud smack-thwack
as this like big branch just
snaps it right in the head,
right in the neck.
- It's easy to do. It's quite easy to do.
- That's okay, friend.
- Let's see if makes its strength save
to stay on top of the carriage.
It does not.
(Izzy cheers)
It clatters down the side of the carriage,
leaving these long, deep
gashes with its claws
on the side of the wood.
This werewolf is gonna come from the back.
It's going to try to rip the
back door of the carriage off.
- Oh no. Oh no.
- No, daddy in there.
- With a nat 20!
(players gasp)
- Whee!
- I am gonna use,
oh, I think, can I do this?
Silvery Barbs, which is a reaction
which you take when a
creature within 60 feet,
succeeds on an attack
roll, an ability check,
or a saving throw.
- [Jasmine] Okay.
- I distract the triggering creature
and turn its momentary
uncertainty into encouragement
for another, so you gotta reroll the d20
and use the lower roll.
- Okay.
(Erika slaps table)
I still got a 19!
- Fuuuuuck!
- It was a good attempt though.
- [Erika] Oh, man.
- But you know what?
I will give you this.
It's not gonna rip the
entire back of this off
which is what was going to happen.
Instead, you can see that the
coffin is exposed in the back.
- [Izzy] Yeah.
- [Zac] sh*t, sh*t, sh*t,
sh*t, ut-oh, ut-oh.
- [Izzy] Ut-oh.
- [Jasmine] It's good that
the top didn't get ripped off
because that would have sent-
- [Izzy] Drago.
- Poor Drago flying.
- But maybe
the tablecloth thing would've happened.
- (laughs) And magically lands down.
All right, and that is-
- But in any event May's like,
"Get out of there! Dang it!
Wetzel, you can do this!"
And so you have advantage
bagged for a roll.
- Oh, all right.
- [Jasmine] Amazing.
- Or an attack, anything.
- It's gonna use its remaining movement
to keep up with the carriage,
but its action is spent.
The carriage is going
to move another 10 feet
at the end of its turn,
actually triggering this
person's held action.
- [Zac] Oh, great.
- It's going to try
to grab Squing off the top.
- Here we go.
- Try getting ahold of that head.
- Does a 13 hit?
- With my mage armor, no.
- Okay, so you feel it try to grab at you,
but your strangely deformed head
kind of slips between its hands.
- Not another branch.
♪ Slipping through my
fingers all the time ♪
- At no point has Squing realized
that that was not a branch.
(group laughing)
What is that?
- And you manage to get away.
With that, it is, that
was the held action.
Squing, it is your turn.
- I am having a bad time here.
Squing is gonna go into his
Form of Dread and is like-
♪ I am having a bad time ♪
- His features elongate.
He tries to lean back
so his already long head
doesn't catch more tree.
So I use my bonus action
to go into Form of Dread.
And then I tell, here, I got
I got Zarb in the picture, too.
- [Jasmine] Mm-hmm.
- I am...
- Where's that butthole boy?
- (laughs) He's right there on top.
- [Izzy] Mm-hmm.
- Squing is gonna grab the ballista.
- [Jasmine] Ooh, okay.
- Ooh!
- Let's lock and load.
And he's like, "Quick, Sasha,
tell me, what is this?"
- Crossbow!
- And you point it at things.
- And you sh**t!
- That you like, oh, bad things, okay.
(Erika laughing)
That's not helpful, is it?
- Can I set an arrow on
fire with my flamethrower?
- Yes, if you combo it just right.
I would say that if you on
your next turn move this flame
to the front here where nobody is,
every crossbow bolt going
through it would be on fire.
I would allow that because
I like that ingenuity.
- Squing is gonna try to look back
and sh**t the one that
pulled the door off.
- Yeah.
- Okay, yeah.
Go ahead and roll to hit.
- I'm not sure if I need to
move to get line of sight
or if there's any kind of
checks I need to make so-
- No, no, no, no, you
definitely have line of sight
from where you were.
- I use Drago's shoulder
to steady myself.
(Jasmine laughing)
"Stay still now."
- Perfect, so you're
gonna turn this around.
- The hottest move.
- (laughs) You know the
like, over the shoulder?
- [Erika] God.
- Mm-hmm.
- "How are you, Drago, by the way?"
(laughing)
- [Jasmine] "I am doing okay.
This is the most alive I
have felt in many moons."
- [Zac] "You sound like it."
- [Jasmine] "I used to
walk underneath the moon
with my dead wife when she was alive.
We used to hear the wolves
howling in the distance."
- "Of course. We could definitely
talk about that later."
(Jasmine and Zac laughing)
I don't know what I would
add for this ballista attack.
- Oh, yes, I should probably tell you.
- I like to think the ballista
has his wife's name on
it, like... (laughs)
With like a rose at the end or something.
- A little pin-up version of her.
- Yeah. (laughs)
- No, that's canon now.
He definitely does. He definitely does.
- A little pin-up version of her
and just showing just her ankles.
- And that's why he carries
it on him wherever he goes.
- Yeah.
- Oh.
- It has a beautiful bird on side
because he used to call
her, "My little nightingale"
so it has nightingale on side.
- Sing my little bird, sing.
(mimics weapon sh**ting)
- [Jasmine] So you get a +6 to hit.
- +6 to hit, okay.
- And if you hit the target
you get to roll 1d12 plus three.
- Ooh, okay.
- Yeah.
- However, this does take a
bonus action to reload so...
- Got it, okay. All right.
And can I use my Pact of
the Talisman on myself?
I haven't given it to anyone.
- Yes, yes.
- Okay, cool.
That is only 12 to hit
so I'm gonna use my Pact of the Talisman.
And it's gonna be 15. Really
huge score on that d4-
- That hits.
- [Zac] Oh, really?
- [Jasmine] Yes, that hits.
- Oh!
- Oh God, all right, so 1d12
plus four, is that right?
- Plus four, okay.
- Plus four.
So that is only 10 damage
to this werewolf in the back
with the ballista.
- Amazing.
As the very heavy crossbow bolt
goes flying, Squing,
you see a glint off of that silver tip,
and as it strikes the werewolf
you see her clutch her chest
in pain, and you see the veins
in the chest start to
kind of bulge and blacken.
- Whoa.
- Ow.
They don't like it. They
don't like this at all.
- [Jasmine] That was
werewolf number three.
- And then Zarb is gonna go.
- [Jasmine] Mm-hmm.
- And so I'm gonna have,
I guess it seems like
it would be in range if Zarb
just climbed on my shoulder
to fight the werewolf
that's on fire over here
so I put Zarb on my shoulders
or Zarb climbs up me
to unleash two attacks.
- Okay, perfect.
- Which are going to be, let's see.
First one is the bite attack.
That is a 19 to hit.
- [Jasmine] That hits.
- And that's 2d6 now.
One. One.
- So, two damage!
(players laughing)
- No way.
- Go, bite like you mean it.
And then my claw attack is
only an eight to hit, so...
- If I gave you plus five would that hit?
- I don't know.
Maybe it's close, but I don't
know if it would actually hit
'cause 15 hit but I don't
know how much lower it'd hit.
So that would make it a 13.
- [Jasmine] A 13 does hit.
- Oh, you have, oh, if I gave five?
- Yeah.
- You want it?
- I mean, yeah.
- Okay.
- Would you like my
professional DM opinion?
- [Izzy] Yeah.
- I wouldn't burn that
on Zarb's attacks
- [Izzy] Zarb?
- 'Cause his attacks aren't that good.
- [Zac] That makes sense.
- [Izzy] 'Cause he just did two damage?
- Yeah, that's the last time
I'm gonna give you like a big brain.
- Copy that.
- I'm a strategenius!
- Strategenius!
- Zarb, uh, Zarb,
just do a better job, Zarb.
- [Carlos] Get them next time, Zarb.
- Kinda got a lot of buttholes on me.
- Yeah, you hear Zarb kinda
be like, "Yes, Master."
(fart squeaks)
- Hey, chin high, buttholes high.
(laughing)
- You hear a sucking sound.
- Ugh, we don't.
Ew, we don't.
Izzy's just shaking her head yes.
- I forgot to roll my d10.
- Butthole me.
- For my temp HP that I get.
Okay, seven plus eight so I
got 15 temp HP after that.
- [Jasmine] Fantastic.
- Oh!
- Two questions, what
did the arrows look like?
Or did, what are we...
- They have silver on them.
- [Erika] Or they, okay.
- [Carlos] They're silver-tipped.
- They're silver-tipped, okay.
Also, Fifi's initiative order
or does Fifi have to
wait to go next round?
- I think for the sake
of like just being able
to keep track of everything,
we'll have the familiars go on your turn.
- Okay, yeah, so
should he have gone?
- You could say you held it.
You could just say you held it now
if that'd be easier.
- Okay, held it. Yeah, yeah, okay.
- [Jasmine] Yeah, so if you want-
- And I still can.
- So then at the end of your turn, Squing,
this is gonna move
forward another 10 feet.
- I should have moved out
of the branch territory.
- Well, now you can still ballista.
- His head's getting bigger.
- Oh my gosh, okay, so you see Squing
let off this giant crossbow bolt.
It punctures one of the
werewolves in the chest.
You hear it yowl in pain.
You hear Zarb's like
really impotent attempts
to damage this other
werewolf but it doesn't work.
Wetzel, it is your turn.
- I'm gonna use my extendable arm.
- Ooh, okay.
- Whoa.
- Yeah, so I can make my
metal hand extend 10 feet.
- [Jasmine] Perfect.
- And I want to attack this guy
with my slash arm hand
type deal.
- [Jasmine] I love it.
- Cool, let's do that.
- You remind me so much
of Inspector Gadget.
- Yeah, right?
- [Jasmine] Yeah, like so much.
- Did I make this arm?
- I feel like that's
between y'all if you did.
- [Izzy] Have you been around
longer than me, though?
- I think so, but that
doesn't mean I had it before.
I might not have had it before.
- And had a regular hand.
- Yeah. (laughs)
What do you mean, you're gonna upgrade me?
Do you think this is something
that Dracula would have given me?
- I feel like Dracula broke your body.
- Okay, that's-
- I'm not sure he would be
in the business of-
- [Izzy] Of building.
- Yeah, yeah.
- [Carlos] Then you definitely
built my arm.
- Now, (sighs) oh God.
I said I wasn't gonna do this.
Do you think you made the arm?
- Yeah.
(Jasmine chuckles)
- I think they would have.
- It seems pretty Aleks-y.
- [Carlos] Here's the thing-
- [Jasmine] All right, here.
- Does Dracula take the time
to rebuild things he breaks?
- Sometimes, I think he definitely
would hire someone to do it.
All right, here's the thing.
Is your arm made out of silver?
No.
- [Izzy] No.
- Do I think that Aleksandr
could cast heat metal on it,
allowing you to do
extra damage every turn?
I will just plant that seed with you.
- Okay, I like that. Would I know that?
- Especially if it's your creation.
- I don't know. Would you know that?
Yeah, you would know that.
I don't know if I would know that.
- I would think I would
show you how to use your...
tools.
- Yes, okay. This is great!
We're just having a good time.
- Okay, but I would have
to cast that on my turn.
- [Jasmine] Yes.
- Okay.
- [Jasmine] I'm just planting the seed.
- It might be concentration.
- Yeah.
- It is, it's concentration
so I would have to turn
my flame thrower off.
- [Carlos] Oh, gotcha.
- [Jasmine] Oh, okay.
- No big, what do we got here? Ooh, yeah.
So a 16, six...
22.
- [Izzy] Thank you.
- 22 hits.
- [Carlos] Awesome.
So can I also use my sneak attack on this?
- Give me a stealth check to see
if they saw you inside the carriage
'cause you don't have an
ally that's currently engaged
in melee with it so you
wouldn't get it from that,
but you could get it just
from the door popping off
and he doesn't know you're there.
- [Carlos] That's true, that's true.
Oh, yeah.
- [Izzy] Oh, yeah.
(Erika gasps)
- Plus nine to that.
- [Zac] 25?
- Yeah, 25.
- [Jasmine] 25, yeah.
It rips the doors off.
It has no clue you're there.
You do have the jump on it.
Go ahead and roll your
sneak attack damage.
- The master is allergic!
- [Izzy] To werewolves?
- Yeah.
- Dogs.
- You hear a sneeze from
inside the coffin. (sneezes)
- Oh no,
more of his head breaks.
- [Carlos] 13...
- Yeah, three teeth fall out.
- 19 plus three, 22.
- 22 points of damage to
werewolf number three.
What kind of damage is this?
- I think he would try to like, grab,
push through his like chest
to his heart to squeeze it.
- [Jasmine] Oh, yeah.
- So heart squeezing damage.
(Erika gasps)
- Mm-hmm.
As your arm extends forward,
punching into the
surprised werewolf's chest,
you do feel its thick
hide and all of this fur
and sheer sinew kind of stop
you from reaching the heart.
- (groans) It's so fluffy, guys!
- Awwww.
- That being said, you
do inflict some damage
as it is still reeling
from that crossbow bolt to the shoulder.
At the end of the round
it moves another 10 feet.
Squing, give me a dex save.
- Glad we're out of the branches now.
Are there more branches?
(Carlos laughs)
- I have 14.
- 14, you are able to
duck under the branch
just as it's about to lodge itself
in the back of your squishy head.
And then we are at the top of the round.
- I would like, I have held Fifi's action.
- [Jasmine] Perfect.
- And I'm gonna have-
- [Jasmine] Right here?
- Yeah.
I'm gonna have Fifi, Fifi
would be right next to me.
And would go after, oh yeah, I'm inside.
- You're in there. Okay.
- [Erika] That guy, that one.
- [Jasmine] Mm-hmm.
- And do a bite attack.
- [Jasmine] Okay.
- Pack tactics since we're nearby.
Ooh, that's a nat 20.
- Ooh!
(Zac howls)
(Erika cheers)
(Izzy and Carlos howl)
- [Jasmine] Fifi's out for blood.
- Yeah, Fifi is going for it.
- Yeah, they just get upset
'cause we're howling.
- You get another 2d6.
- Seven...
12, yay, yeah!
- [Jasmine] 12 damage.
And that's on werewolf number three?
- Yeah.
- I have to keep looking for some reason.
12 damage.
- Zarb, are you seeing
what Fifi's doing here?
Zarb, are you seeing?
- Zarb, you hear that?
You gonna answer, Zarb?
- So in true tiny dog fashion,
Fifi growls and then starts yapping,
latches on to this werewolf
and just gnaws at her.
- [Jasmine] Amazing.
- Goes (growls)
- Then it is the top of the round.
Werewolf number two is going to move.
Seeing that the carriage is open
and it's right underneath it,
it's going to attempt
to launch itself down.
I'm gonna go ahead and roll a
dex save to see how it lands.
It makes it so it's going
to actually disappear
into the back of the carriage.
- Oh no!
- They want Dracula, too?
- Yes.
- Do we know why? Don't.
(eerie music)
- You hear a sound that makes
you sick to your stomach,
the sound of the coffin dragging
along the back of the carriage.
- Noo!
- As the carriage lurches
forward another 10 feet,
as the carriage lurches forward,
a valuable piece of cargo
is left 10 feet behind.
(Erika gasps)
Succeeding on its strength check,
this werewolf, the skirted werewolf
has it firmly clutched in its claws.
- [Carlos] Oh no.
- [Erika] Oh, shitty.
- (laughs) Shitty.
- That's uh...
- It is werewolf number one's turn.
- I disagree with that.
- [Carlos] Master!
- Five, 10, 15, 20,
25, 30,
and it can't reach this turn.
Werewolf number four is going to go.
- Why do they all go at the same time?
- And you see this one move forward.
It's going to use its action
to try to rip the top of the coffin off.
- No!
- How dare you!
- It fails.
(player sighs in relief)
Some strange, supernatural
force keeps the coffin lid on,
and you feel your master's
will fighting for his life.
- It's that Wetzel Tupperware seal.
- The carriage is going to
continue to move forward.
- [Carlos] Keeping freshness in.
- 20 feet because it's
both of those turns.
- [Carlos] And it's scared.
- [Jasmine] Squing, give
me another dex save.
- [Zac] Why?
- [Izzy] Why?
- Because there's another branch.
- 14 again.
- This time, 14 again.
So you make it this time.
Drago has to make a dex
save for this branch,
and Zarb has to make one for this one.
Let us see how they fare.
- Is Drago just driving
or do they have an action?
- Oh yeah, does he have a turn?
- Drago does kind of
whatever y'all tell him to,
so right now he's kind of
paralyzed with like, fear
not really knowing what to do.
- k*ll them. Get the-
- Reload the crossbow, Drago.
- Okay, yeah. Drago can
reload the crossbow on his turn.
- [Izzy] Or go get the coffin
Please.
- I think he's like a
normal guys in terms-
I don't know, maybe he can.
- I feel like he's seven feet tall.
- [Zac] Yeah, that's true.
- He carries weapons in his back.
- [Zac] That's true.
- Drago only does what the
party tells Drago to do.
- Oh, so-
- Okay, well,
maybe you could show some initiative?
- Also, Drago does Pilates every Tuesday.
- [Jasmine] Drago gets hit by this branch.
- [Izzy] No.
- [Carlos] That's Drago time.
- Oh, you gotta watch out
for the branches, Drago.
- Failing his strength saving
throw and landing here.
(player gasps)
Or here, yeah.
- Yikes. Does anyone else
feel like Drago's the star
of this entire thing, that we're all NPCs?
- Zarb, however, makes his dex save,
ducking under these trees deftly.
"I did something, master!"
(Carlos laughing)
- "There you go. Good job, Zarb."
- (laughs) May, you see this.
You are in the front of the carriage.
You see the coffin is
no longer in the back.
And you're still hurtling
forward. What do you do?
- Whew, um, uh...
So I'm in the front of it.
I'm not in the back of the...
- [Jasmine] Mm-hmm, yeah
'cause this is the passenger compartment
and this is the coffin compartment.
- May pops out of the carriage
and walks along the side.
She's like, (panting) "I'll do it myself!"
Hops off the carriage, lands in the back.
May says to the rest of the
party, "Cover your ears."
- [Carlos] All right.
- And she goes...
(laughs shrilly)
(laughs shrilly)
Using Cackle.
- [Jasmine] A laugh emits.
- It's a laugh that critics in New York
have called "grating" and "shrill."
(Carlos laughs)
- Enveloping everything around her
with this shrill cackle.
- Too much from a chorus member.
(group laughing)
Distracting.
- Cackle, all right.
Everything in the point
must make a constitution saving throw.
All right, werewolf
number two gets a four.
Werewolf number four gets an 11.
- [Izzy] No!
- Werewolf number one gets a 14.
- [Izzy] No!
- [Carlos] I like to
think they're all like,
Adison, Madison... - And Drago gets
an 18. Do any of those make it?
- Oh, 16.
- So you said 18?
- Did any of them make it?
- One got an 18.
- So that was Drago.
Drago makes it and everybody else doesn't.
- He's the only one who makes it?
- [Erika] He's the only one who makes it.
- Amazing.
- [Erika] Yeah!
- Your cackle emits. Drago is used to it.
Drago hears Lady May
all across the courtyard
laughing all day long.
It is music to Drago's ears.
- 14 psychic damage and the ringing,
they just hear it echoing in their ears
so they're slowed by 10 feet, yeah, yeah.
- Wow, slowed?
- [Erika] Yeah.
- They're slowed?
- Did you say slowed?
- [Erika] Slowed by 10 feet.
- [Carlos] Oh, that's awesome.
- [Erika] Yeah.
- So you see the werewolves
all kind of like, clutch their ears.
These creatures have
incredibly sensitive hearing.
They can't handle the shrill sound
emitting from May's mouth.
This one here drops the coffin,
and you notice they are
disoriented and slowed.
This is a homebrew spell, audience,
that I made just for May.
- And it's good.
Thank you, I love it,
- It's so good!
- I've never heard it, it's great.
- Would you like to do
anything on your bonus action
or have Fifi do something?
- Fifi would like to bite
the one that had the coffin.
- [Jasmine] Perfect. Go
ahead and roll to hit.
- And we have advantage for pack tactics.
- [Jasmine] Mm-hmm.
- A 19.
- [Jasmine] A 19 hits.
- And then...
Oop!
10!
- 10 damage.
You see Fifi still committed
to being the ankle biter.
A very big, fluffy version
of the ankle biter latch on
and try to slow down this werewolf.
The coffin is lying on the ground.
Do you want to use your movement?
- Yes, can I use my
movement to try and grab it
and start dragging it and you can tell me
how far I get with it.
- Yeah.
Give me an athletics check.
- [Erika] Oh no!
- It's heavy.
- Okay.
- [Izzy] Daddy is dense.
- Oh no, a four!
- Yeah, as you try to
pull this you realize,
Dracula weighs a lot, and
the coffin weighs even more.
You are having a hard time pulling it.
- It's so heavy!
- And it is the end of your turn.
We move another 10 feet forward.
Clear of the branches, Squing
'cause Zarb already made
his saving throw there.
- Oh, thank goodness.
- Yeah.
You do see the scene kind
of laid out behind you,
and it Drago's turn.
Drago is going to, he can climb up.
He's going to move, climb up
here, and reload the ballista
since he has been given-
- [Zac] Absolute sickness.
- Yeah, he's been given
an order of operation.
The ballista is reloaded,
and then it is your turn, Aleksandr.
- Okay, can I like yell
to the shadow beasts like,
"Stop the carriage!"
Should we stop or should we not stop?
- I feel like we should... stop.
- Yeah.
- [Carlos] Because we still have to-
- It's hard to say.
- Has the g*n
and we still have to go back so otherwise
we have to jump out and then run.
- [Izzy] Yeah, yeah.
- Even further.
And then we have to bring it back.
- It depends on if people have things
that they can move a great
distance in a short amount.
- I think we hold up. We have the g*n.
We're close enough within
range so we just have to, cool.
- Do you wanna do that?
- Uh, sure.
- Go ahead and give me
an animal handling check.
This'll be your bonus action.
- No!
- [Jasmine] No?
- No.
- If you don't wanna do it, I feel like
we could figure it out.
- [Carlos] I could do it.
- Yeah, nevermind.
- Do we want a moment to strategize?
- No, I wanna move my
flame as my bonus action.
- Do you wanna then, 'cause I don't,
we could maybe try that as a minor action
depending on how long.
Are you just saying, "Stop"?
- [Izzy] Mm-hmm.
- Okay, just roll animal
handling. That's fine.
- [Izzy] Okay.
- Yeah, that's a minor action.
- [Izzy] Okay.
- I thought you were
gonna like, stop them.
- No, no.
Uh, no, nine.
- Yeah, the shadow beasts are driven mad.
You see the steam coming
out of their nostrils.
It's not cold anymore.
You see the fire at their
feet kind of come alive,
and you realize that the
loss of one of their own
has driven them into a frenzy.
You may even remember-
- [Izzy] Do they want to maybe
k*ll werewolves?
- That these steeds were
Dracula's w*r steeds
back when he was a mortal.
- Hmm...
(Erika gasps)
Do they feel like they wanna k*ll...
werewolves?
- They feel like they wanna be
ridden into battle.
- [Zac] One got one-shot earlier.
- Huh?
- One got k*lled in one hit earlier so...
- Yeah, okay, so they don't fight.
Okay, Aleksandr is going to
climb into the back.
- [Jasmine] Okay.
- Somehow, you know, maybe
setting the carriage on fire
because I'm keeping the- not on purpose,
but I'm keeping the thing on.
- [Carlos] Oh no.
- Or maybe I just keep
it pointed out the back.
(Erika laughing)
- [Zac] On fire.
- I'll set it on fire. I don't care.
- [Jasmine] You're gonna
set the carriage on fire?
- I'm totally a fire starter.
(Jasmine vocalizing to The
Prodigy's "Firestarter")
- [Jasmine] Um, okay, so...
- Somehow get to the back
with my thing still lit.
- You can do that. That's fine, yeah.
You could set the carriage on
fire if you are explicitly.
- [Izzy] I don't want to.
- Okay, if you don't want to,
that's fine.
- [Izzy] Okay, okay.
- I'm not gonna make you
set the carriage on fire.
- I'm gonna blast these asses.
- [Jasmine] So which one?
Is there a range on this?
- It is five...
- Range is like 60, right?
- So there's a 60-feet range, five radius.
- Five radius, okay.
So it's basically
everything adjacent to it.
- Is there a way I can not
light the coffin on fire?
- If you placed it here.
- Okay, yeah.
- Amazing.
They're gonna go ahead and roll dex saves.
- [Izzy] Yes.
- This is for werewolf two.
Rolls a 13.
- [Izzy] Beautiful.
- Werewolf one...
Rolls an 11.
- Beautiful.
- [Jasmine] Do they both hit?
- Yes.
- Okay, perfect. Go
ahead and give me damage.
- They get 12 damage and...
Have you taken damage, May?
- Not yet, no.
- [Jasmine] Oh no, that's number four.
- Okay, let me ask you a question.
- Yes.
- [Izzy] Jasmine.
If I launch a blood grenade...
- [Jasmine] Mm-hmm.
- Could that healing aspect
of the blood grenade
go into Dracula?
- A grenade of blood explodes
in a 10-foot radius sphere
centered on a point within 60 feet.
Each creature of your choice in that area,
so you can choose not
to have Dracula in that,
must make a constitution saving throw
taking 2d6 necrotic
damage on a failed save
or half as much on a successful one.
Non-magical vegetation
in that area withers.
So that could also get
rid of some of this cover.
In addition, one creature
of your choice in that area
can spend and roll one
of its unspent hit die
and regain a number of hit points
equal to the roll plus your
spellcasting ability modifier.
I would say yes.
May or Dracula inside the coffin,
either of them could do this.
I will also clarify,
Dracula hasn't taken damage yet this turn.
- But he needs healing, right?
- He does, yeah. His
head's like, hanging off.
But I just wanted you to know
he hasn't taken anything on top of-
- [Zac] For the sake of this combat.
- [Izzy] Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Yes, yes.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, but this
could potentially help him.
- Yes, definitely, yeah.
- Okay.
But he'll never be healed fully
because he's not on his soil.
- [Jasmine] yes, yes.
- [Izzy] So what's it matter
if I heal him at all?
- What does this thing do?
- So this causes damage to whoever I want
and then can heal one person.
- Oh.
- What Dracula has right now is temp HP.
His actual hit point pool
is greatly diminished.
Now, if this temp HP pool were
to be completely nullified
then yes, Dracula would be destroyed.
However, like you did at the train station
and right before this battle,
you have bolstered that temp HP pool.
Now, as a doctor you would know
that that does get capped
at a certain level.
Now, if you wanna roll
to see if you know what
that is, I can tell you.
If you wanna do a medicine check,
I can let you know exactly
what that is, and we can see-
- 'Cause there'll be
diminishing returns, I assume.
- Yes, yeah, that's what I'm
trying to- 100% Carlos, yeah.
You'll hit a point where past that,
he's just not gonna heal.
- [Carlos] Yeah.
- [Izzy] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Imma Acid Splash.
- Okay, yeah.
- [Izzy] On a couple of them.
- Perfect.
- I'm gonna throw acid at these hoes.
Two creatures within range
that are within five feet of each other.
- [Jasmine] Perfect, so it
could be these two or these two.
- [Izzy] These two. How
about let's do these two?
- [Jasmine] Okay.
- So fire's on these guys
and then the acid will be on these guys.
- [Jasmine] Mm-hmm.
- And...
- [Jasmine] Do they do dex saves?
- Yes, dexterity saving throw.
- Werewolf four got a nat 20.
Werewolf two got an 11.
- Well, f*ck my butt.
(Carlos laughing)
Okay, so that one
only takes 1d6 plus five.
- [Jasmine] Okay.
- (blows raspberry) Seven.
- Seven damage.
Even with a seven you can see
that these two werewolves
here are losing vigor.
Their teeth aren't as shiny.
Their eyes aren't as bright.
They look like a sick dog.
- [Izzy] Okay.
- This werewolf deftly
moves out of the way
seeing the acid flask coming
and kind of deflects it
into the other one's face
kind of making them super angry.
The carriage moves
forward another 10 feet.
So at this point, the
horses are off the map.
- I thought we were stopping!
- [Izzy] I failed.
- [Jasmine] Failed the roll.
- Yeah, we didn't stop it.
- Boom, moving up there
and then it is werewolf
number three's turn.
They're going to use
their movement, five, 10,
15,
Can they move through that space?
They could maybe jump over
and spend 20, come here.
So that werewolf's gonna
take a running jump
and jump over Fifi.
I'm pretty sure, is Fifi six feet tall?
- What?
- [Izzy] What?
- No.
- Okay, so yeah.
They're gonna jump over
Fifi and try to grab you.
- They're large beasts.
- Oh, they're large.
- They're large.
- Fifi counts as large.
- Oh, so-
- Large Pomeranian.
- Okay, so they can't jump over Fifi.
- It's like, it's all fluff.
- It's all fluff.
- It's like, the hair is six feet.
- [Izzy] She's a show dog.
(Erika giggling)
- [Carlos] Just like that.
- Yeah, large is 10 by 10 feet.
(Erika laughing)
- Yeah.
- [Jasmine] Cannot jump over Fifi.
- A giant Pomeranian.
- You really recontextualized this-
- Instead it's going to try to get Fifi
off of its companion so they can repossess
Dracula.
- [Izzy] 10 by 10?
- [Jasmine] 10 by 10.
It's going to bite-
- Bigger than a bear.
- With a 15 and then claw twice.
- [Izzy] Like a moose.
- With an 18 and a 14.
Do any of those hit?
- [Erika] (gasps) Um...
- It's 15, 18, 14.
- 14, meets it beats it?
- Yeah.
- Okay yeah, 14 so all three hit.
- [Jasmine] All three hit.
- Fifi?
- [Carlos] Oh, Fifi!
- The werewolf's teeth sink into Fifi
dealing 10 piercing damage.
- Oh no!
- Then out come the claws.
(Erika screams)
Dealing seven damage and then 11,
so for 18 damage total, slashing damage.
So it's 18 plus what the bite was,
which is I think 10 so 28 damage.
- Oh, total, Oh no!
- Oh no!
- So close, so close. Okay.
- Actually, have Fifi make
a constitution saving throw.
(Erika gasps)
- All dogs go to heaven.
- (screams) It's a three.
- [Izzy] Oh, sh*t.
- [Erika] That's a five.
- Fifi begins to transform.
(Carlos gasps)
As though affected with lycanthropy.
(Erika gasps)
- No!
- You hear Fifi's little
Pomeranian voice go (howls warbly)
- Oh, that's adorable.
- [Zac] It is very cute.
- It's pretty cute.
- We might have to k*ll Fifi.
(group laughing)
- Fifi's dead in my heart.
- I mean, it's absolutely adorable.
I might have to sh**t the- (laughs)
- You know, let's just take these
one step at a time, Squing!
- You're right, you're right,
you're right, you're
right, sorry, sorry, sorry.
- I'll blow her f*cking head off.
- Honestly-
- While you're saying this,
Squing, it's your turn.
- Okay.
(g*n c*ck)
No.
(players laughing)
Squing is going to full dash.
I have 45 meat-
- [Carlos] 45 meat.
- Feet of movement.
- Yeah, you can make it.
It's only 40 feet away.
- Okay, and I'm going to...
How strong am I?
- You're strong, aren't you?
- [Jasmine] You're pretty strong.
- I was able
to drag the coffin earlier,
but I don't know if I could
drag the coffin and maybe May?
Is that-
- [Erika] That's okay, you can go.
You can go, save daddy!
- I'm here to save daddy.
- You could still make an athletics check
to see if you can drag it.
- Okay, cool.
I still have my thing.
My athletics is 14, and I'm gonna use
the Pact of the Talisman
to add one to it so 15.
- 15, it's enough.
- [Zac] Okay.
- Especially because this
werewolf is no longer holding it.
- [Zac] Okay, cool.
- So it's not a contested check.
With a 15 you are able to drag it.
- So I moved 40 feet there.
I have 90 feet with a dash.
So I'm gonna take the coffin
all the way back to the thing.
- Okay, yeah, so...
- [Izzy] To the moving vehicle.
- Five, 10, 15, 20.
You're gonna be able to get it back.
- [Zac] Okay.
- And you're gonna try to shove
it in the moving carriage?
- Yeah, maybe it's like object interaction
to get the coffin.
- Yes.
- Action to do the whole movement.
- Yes.
- Bonus action to put it in the thing,
does that make sense?
- Yes, I agree completely. All right.
So you were able to grab the coffin,
shove it back in, and dash back.
- Cool, and so I'm right there.
I try to cover it with my body.
I'm gonna go, "Hey Zarb,
do you know how to use
a ballista?" (laughs)
- What's...
- Maybe that's impossible.
- I'm gonna roll an
intelligence check for you.
(laughs) I rolled a 19.
Zarb is like, "Zarb knows
how to roll a ballista."
- "Okay, inspires confidence."
(players laughing)
- But not intelligence.
- "Zarb can try."
- And I want Zarb to point the ballista
at the one that we've already shot.
I think it's number two.
- Oh, okay, yeah.
Go ahead and roll to hit.
- It's plus five or-
- [Jasmine] Plus six.
- Plus six.
- [Jasmine] And then you
roll a d12 plus four.
- I only got a two so I
don't think I can do anything
to make that better so...
- It's gonna, yeah, two's
gonna be tough, yeah.
You see that Drago has just
finished reloading the crossbow.
You see Zarb go to aim
it and just as he does,
all six of his buttholes
let out a little fart
(farts resound)
and it throws off his aim
and instead the bolt goes-
- [Izzy] Damages himself.
- Diving into this tree instead.
- "Well, good try, Zarb.
(Erika laughing)
Hey, Zarb, you had to
let a little fart out
and you know, that ruined it."
- Oh, what a relief it is.
(Zac laughing)
- As you say this, Squing,
you notice something
from the coffin that is torn slightly ajar
when that werewolf tried
to pry off the lid.
You see that the nails have
kind of pulled up a bit,
and you see something
flapping in the wind.
- I look at it and I, "Master?"
- Is it a f*cking letter?
You're gonna read a letter right now?
- Oh my God.
(Erika gasps)
- Squing, is everything all ri- Squing?
- Did he write a letter in
there while he was dying?
- [Carlos] Oh, please say he
wrote it on metal. (laughs)
- Please.
- Oh.
(Erika hyperventilating)
Beautiful handwriting, Squing.
(paper flapping)
(dramatic music)
(Zac sniffs paper)
(group laughing)
- Restrain yourself!
- I'm sorry.
It's so delicious-looking.
"Dear Squing, emotions
are difficult for me
and therefore while on the ship back,
I decided to write to you instead."
Huh, "The best part of coming
home is coming to see you.
You were the first of my dark creations.
There were many failures
in your creation."
Huh.
(Erika laughing)
"I've learned since then that dragging you
down eight flights of stairs face first
or hanging you by your
feet from the watchtower
were both cruel and unnecessary,
but there were many successes as well."
(dramatic music)
Definitely gonna keep that to myself.
(Carlos laughs)
"You are more than my right
hand man. You are my right hand.
In you, I have never-ending trust
that you will ensure that our household
does not fall into ruin or despair.
Coming back home is not only
coming back to Castle Dracula,
it is coming back to you.
Your father in spirit and
in the un-life, Dracula."
Squing stops what he's doing,
reads this letter to himself,
the parts aloud that I said
aloud, and then just...
(players laughing)
No, no, no, no, not right now.
And does not eat it.
But stands a little taller
in the back of the carriage
while guarding Dracula's coffin.
- Yeah, you are reminded of a memory
of you and Dracula
over two cups of blood sitting by the fire
playing chess together.
- After he threw you down
eight flights of stairs.
- Face first.
- [Izzy] For fun.
- I get instantly checkmated
every single time.
(group laughing)
It's that same move.
- [Jasmine] You all hear this. (laughs)
- Um, I...
- I got a letter!
- There's a werewolf like,
slashing at May like,
"That sounds lovely, sweetie.
See? He does care.
He's just not good at
expressing his feelings."
- He's actually like a good guy.
(group laughing)
- Wetzel, you see this 'cause
you're right next to him
in the back of the coffin.
- Wetzel's gonna k*ll us all.
- I do not have time for that.
(Izzy laughing)
Yeah, so I see this happening to my left.
What I wanna do is actually go
over the side of the carriage
and look down and see if
Florina is underneath.
Is she under there?
- Yeah.
- "Hey, remember when I said
you have to pay your dues?"
- "Yeah."
- "Okay, I need you to be
a God damn hero right now."
- [Izzy] Time to fight, little girl.
- And I use my extendible
hand and throw her
on top of the roof of the carriage
so she can help reload the ballista.
(Erika screams excitedly)
- We will insert Florina right here
into the initiative track.
- Whaaaaat?
- And then I'll use my, uh,
action to get near May.
I'll dash over to May.
- [Jasmine] Perfect.
- And I think that's
probably all I can do.
- You dash over to May and the carriage
moves another 10 feet forward.
Florina uses her action to help
Drago reload the crossbow,
actually enabling him
to fire it on this turn.
(Carlos cheers)
He's gonna fire on this one
since it's the one that grabbed Dracula
and is the closest to you.
- Yeah.
- [Jasmine] He hits.
It's 1d12 plus four.
Gets a 12 for a total of 16 damage.
(Izzy cheers)
It is silver. Normally it
wouldn't k*ll this thing.
So you see Drago let the crossbow fly.
It strikes this creature,
this werewolf here
square in the middle of the chest.
You see it hold strong,
but then you see all of its veins bulge
as its chest collapses
inward and it falls dead.
(players cheering)
- [Izzy] Who let the dogs out?
(Carlos and Erika barking)
- (laughs) That was good.
(Erika laughing)
- It is the top of the round.
It is now werewolf two's turn,
but werewolf two is dead.
- [Izzy] Dead.
- It is then werewolf one's turn.
It's going to try to attack you
since you are closest to it.
- May?
- Yes.
It gets a 17 on its bite
and then it gets a 14 on its claws.
- [Erika] Uh oh, uh oh.
- And then a nine on its claws.
Everything, the first two hit.
- 10 piercing damage.
Seven, two, and the second
does nine slashing damage.
It is then going to use its movement.
It can provoke an op attack
from both of you if you so wish
as it's going to try to get
back in range of the carriage.
25, 30, kind of landing just short.
- [Carlos] Yeah, I'll take that attack.
- [Erika] Yes.
- You're gonna take the
op attack? Go for it.
- I'm gonna try a fanged
bite melee attack.
- [Jasmine] Yeah, go for it.
- I don't know what this is
gonna do. Might not be tasty.
- 23, does 23 hit?
- 22.
- Yes, 23, 22 definitely
hit, definitely hit.
- Okay.
(Carlos groans)
It's four total.
- Five piercing, but then I
guess I also get blood points
from that unless something weird happens.
- Do you get blood points from werewolves?
- [Erika] I don't know.
- Make a constitution saving throw.
- [Erika] Amazing.
- That's not great, May.
- Oh, um, let's see, uh...
11.
Oh boy.
- As you drink the werewolf's blood,
you feel yourself kind of become
a part of the pack a bit.
You feel yourself strengthened
or sort of emboldened by
the sight of the moon.
Go ahead and pool your blood points
and let me know how many you pooled.
This is a separate counter.
- That's two.
Three.
- [Jasmine] Three.
We'll just keep track of that for later.
- Okay.
- Ooh.
(Izzy laughs)
- [Erika] All right.
- So that was werewolf one and then-
- And Fifi, what is Fifi doing?
- [Jasmine] I think
Fifi goes on your turn.
- Okay, but did Fifi get
an attack of opportunity?
- [Jasmine] No, 'cause Fifi's over here.
- Okay, she's over there.
- [Jasmine] And it was this one that-
- All right, all right, all right.
- You manage to sink your
fangs into this werewolf
just as it's leaving,
and you feel your body
kind of change a bit as this strange blood
kind of fills your lungs.
Your lungs? Your veins.
Both, why not?
- Doesn't matter where it
goes. It just goes inside me.
- [Jasmine] The carriage
moves another 10 feet.
We're gonna put you there.
- [Zac] Get away from me!
- This character's gonna move five, 10,
15, 20.
There's no way it can get to the carriage
so it's instead going to
try to attack you, Wetzel.
- Ooh.
- With a bite for 15.
- I'm gonna use my reaction to
raise my arms, my metal arm.
It gives me a +5 to my AC.
- [Jasmine] Perfect.
- [Izzy] Sick.
- So...
- You're able to deflect the
bite by raising up your arm.
It's gonna follow up with its claws.
I've got a 14 and a 20, dirty 20.
- Oh, the dirty 20 will hit, yeah.
- Okay, you take seven slashing damage.
Make me a constitution save.
(Carlos whimpers)
- Ooh, 19.
- 19.
Yeah, you feel the bite kind of sizzle.
Or sorry, you feel where the claw marks
have embedded into your
flesh kind of burn,
but your body's natural immune system
is able to kind of stave
off any type of curse.
- "You fool!" (mimics
spitting) And I spit on him.
- Give me a wisdom save as you do this.
- Oh, awesome. (groans)
Ugh, eight.
- An eight?
You are overcome with an anger,
an anger that is a loathsome-
- You fool!
- And deep anger.
- [Carlos] Awesome.
(Erika gasps)
- [Zac] What?
- And you unlock Enraged Frenzy.
- Oh, that's awesome!
Now I have the ability to
enter an enraged frenzy.
While under this effect you gain advantage
on strength checks and saving throws.
You gain two extra damage
die on melee attack,
but can no longer cast spells
or maintain concentration on them.
You also gain resistance
to slashing, bludgeoning,
and piercing damage and
gain access to... (laughs)
To the Pretzel Bender ability.
(players chuckling)
After three rounds you become drained
and your speed is halved,
and you have disadvantage
on dex-based skill
checks and saving throws.
The Pretzel Bender is,
make a grapple check against the target.
On a success they are incapacitated
and take 3d8 bludgeoning damage.
Wow, that's a lot.
They must succeed on a DC 13 saving throw
to escape my grapple, that's great.
- Wow, can you do that with sneak attack?
- Oh, I just have this. I just
am in, when I'm in combat?
- Yeah, it's like a barbarian rage.
- [Carlos] Gotcha.
- If you choose to go into it.
- Oh yeah, that's awesome.
- Just knowing that after three rounds
you will become spent.
- Yeah, his voice changes. (laughs)
- [Zac] Who is that?
- Are you f*cking kidding me right now?
- Wow, somebody down there sounds cool.
(Carlos laughs)
- Oh, interesting!
- I'm gonna break your arm in half
and shove it so far up your werewolf a*s.
- Michael Keaton?
(Carlos laughs)
- Michael, Mr. Mom?
- "Multiplicity" out there.
- So you feel Dracula's presence
in your mind a bit when this happens.
Like you feel like even
now he is with you,
and he appeals to the
most carnal parts of you.
Part of you wonders if he
wanted you to get that letter,
and if he wanted you to quit
being a subservient person
and kind of step into
your own, but who knows
because Dracula plays
all kinds of mind games.
So with this newfound rage
burning deep in your belly,
May, it is your turn.
- All right, um...
- Oh, the carriage is also gonna move.
The carriage is out of
sight now essentially.
- Okay, Wetzel, hold your ears.
- Can do, May.
And it's the coolest like, the coolest-
- The coolest way you could
possibly plug your ears.
- Plug your ears, it's so cool.
Oh yeah, it's airtight in there.
- [Zac] It's like a professional musician
who's taking care of his ears.
- So plugged, oh my God.
- I got a long life to
live. I wanna hear it.
You like, hate this guy. (laughs)
It's not working.
- May's suddenly like,
"Oh, all right."
And then she screams,
"I don't know you, get away!"
A vampiric scream issues forth
so everybody in 15-foot cube,
concentration saving throw.
- So a 15-foot cube centered on you?
- [Erika] Yes, centered on me,
but I can also move to like-
- [Jasmine] Yeah, here?
- [Erika] Yeah, closer
so we can get more, yeah.
- [Jasmine] So that expends
15 feet of your movement.
- [Erika] Yeah.
- [Jasmine] And you would,
you know what, I'm gonna give it to you.
I would say you get all of 'em.
- [Erika] Yeah.
- [Jasmine] On the inner border.
- All right! So
constitution saving throws.
- Do I have to make this?
- You get to make it with advantage
since you knew to plug your ears.
- [Erika] Yeah.
- Cool.
Okay.
- Werewolf one gets a 17.
Werewolf four gets a nat one.
- [Erika] Oh my gosh!
- So that'll be double
damage to werewolf four.
- [Carlos] I got a 19.
- Oh, perfect. Oh, wow.
(intense music)
20 damage and then
double that for the crit,
and they're pushed 10 feet away.
- [Zac] Whoa!
- Yes.
- Werewolf number four
clutches its eardrums
and falls dead.
(shrill scream resounds)
The vampiric screech is so
loud on its dog-like ears,
its brain liquefies as
it falls to its knees,
pink matter, gray matter
flowing between its fingers.
- Disgusting!
- [Jasmine] Would you like
to do anything else with your turn?
- That was just a normal scream, too.
I don't think there was actually
anything vampiric about it.
- Wild.
- Unfortunate.
- Does werewolf one get half damage?
- Half damage if they
saved, yeah, and not pushed.
- [Jasmine] Okay, and so
that would be a 10, Wetzel.
- So I take 10?
- [Jasmine] Yeah.
- Okay.
- Perfect.
Do you wanna do anything
else on your turn?
- [Erika] Is Fifi turning?
- [Jasmine] Yes.
- [Erika] Oh, well, sh**t.
- [Carlos] No.
- [Jasmine] Fifi looks like
a cute, little wolf boy.
- Oh, it's like a husky!
- We're gonna have to Old Yeller Fifi.
- You're also gonna take an
op attack from werewolf one.
- Oh...
- It misses, barely
kind of almost catching
the back of your beautiful
fur-lined kind of housecoat.
- This is mink!
(laughing)
- You manage to just whisk out of the way
onto the carriage very rapidly
disappearing from sight.
Izzy, it is your turn.
(dramatic music)
- Okay. (sighs)
Okay, what's going on?
(Carlos laughing)
Are people f*cked up?
- I'm basi- okay.
- I'm doing great.
- I'm...
- You're doing great.
- May seems to have been hit a lot.
- I'm a little, I'm a little roughed up.
- Okay, I'm going to move...
my flamethrower...
to you.
- It's still kind of issuing back
from the back of the cart
or the back of the carriage
in this arc-shape.
- [Izzy] Yeah, yeah.
So they roll a dex save.
- Nine.
- That's not gonna do it.
(Erika and Carlos laughing)
I'm going to...
While holding my flamethrower alight,
take out an unstable X-ray from my bag.
- Unstable X-ray.
- And aim it at the same
werewolf that's on fire.
I get +8 to attack.
If I hit they make a
constitution save.
- Okay.
- Okay.
(tense music)
13.
- 13 to hit. That hits.
- Amahzing!
(players gasp)
Okay, I can't tell if I
give them damage no matter what
'cause it says, "On fail they are poisoned
until my next turn."
- On a con save?
- On a hit the target
takes 2d8 poison damage
and must make a constitution
saving throw so yeah.
So I roll 2d8...
poison.
And that's plus five, eight plus five is
13 damage.
- 13 damage on werewolf
one. Okay, perfect.
And then they make a con save.
- Yeah, didn't they fail it?
- [Jasmine] No.
- Oh no, no, yeah, yeah,
they make a con save.
- 11.
- Okay, that's a fail.
They're poisoned until my next turn.
- Perfect, okay.
- I'm holding an active flamethrower
and a crazy, broken X-ray.
- Just poisoning someone
with an X-ray machine.
- Yeah, the X-ray issues forth.
You see this werewolf
skeletal kind of form
for a moment
as it pierces through it.
(Izzy laughing)
It's kind of like "Street Fighter"
where you see the whole
skeleton for a second
before they hit the ground.
That's what you see.
(Erika laughing)
They are somehow still standing,
but they do not look good.
Was that your turn?
- What a powerful beast!
- I've heard of a CAT scan.
- (screams) Not a dog scan!
- What are you talking about?
(players laughing)
This technology stuff again?
I just said I've heard of a CAT scan.
- Yeah, you see this werewolf
skeleton for just a moment.
It is now werewolf three turn.
Werewolf three is going
to try to leap back up
into the branches here
and try to get a shortcut to the carriage.
[Jasmine] I'm gonna do an athletics check
to see if it makes it across.
It does. There's a 18 here so its
five, 10, 15 20.
No, it can't. It can move here though.
So it's going to move into this treetop
and try to pursue you.
That is going to be its turn
since the carriage is
actually out of sight.
So Squing, you can see the forest
rapidly falling away behind you.
What do you do?
- I think I can jump down,
hit that werewolf, and jump back in.
Is that 45 feet of movement?
I think I can just run.
- [Jasmine] Yeah.
(Zac grunts)
You definitely can. Go for it.
- Yeah, so I will hop out and be like,
"I've heard of a CAT scan."
(players laughing)
I'm gonna use that joke again on this guy.
- Okay, you still don't understand what-
- What is a CAT scan though?
- Okay.
- I've heard of it, but
I don't know what it is.
- Okay, we'll talk about it later.
- All right.
"I've heard of a CAT scan."
And run out and I'll just...
- Keep saying it until somebody...
He keeps saying it until somebody laughs.
- "Somebody finish the sentence for me!"
And I just do a Form of
Dread attack on this person.
- Amazing.
- Where I will do,
I can do a fanged bite with that.
- Are you both gonna turn into werewolves?
- That's a 19 to hit.
- [Jasmine] That hits.
- 1d4 plus four.
If you hit a creature, you can force it
to make a wisdom saving throw.
On a fail it is frightened
until the end of your next turn.
So a DC 12 wisdom save for this one.
- Okay.
It recoils in fear.
- [Zac] Awesome, and I-
- Unable to move towards you.
- So that's five damage to this werewolf.
And I'm not gonna do the blood drinking...
Yeah, you know what, I'll do
it. Let's see what happens.
- Okay, yeah.
- I just wanted to see what would happen.
- I got three werewolf blood points.
- [Jasmine] Awesome.
- Oh, I'm actually full.
I have 10 so I don't know
if that changes that.
- Awesome, okay, so you jump down,
smack this werewolf,
feed from him, and then
jump back onto the carriage?
- [Zac] Yeah.
- Amazing.
- Talk about fast food.
- [Jasmine] You see it
recoil from you in fear,
and it is unable to move
towards you anymore.
It sees you in your Dread form
and feels like it is outclassed.
- "I'm going this way. You go that way."
- Wetzel, you see this.
Because it is frightened, I'll
actually let you move past it
without taking an op
attack if you so wish.
- Oh yeah, let's do that.
"Ever hear of a CAT scan?"
So I'm running past.
- Yes, I said that, too!
- It was pretty good.
- You run past the frightened werewolf.
The one that's in the tree
actually doesn't have
the reach to strike you.
You manage, what is your movement speed?
- 30 feet, but I can use
my action, my movement,
and my bonus action.
- [Jasmine] Yeah, yeah.
- [Izzy] Fine fast boy.
- Go around there.
- As you are able to push
your body to its limits
you can feel like your lungs are on fire.
You are able to latch
on with your metal arm
onto the side of the carriage
just as it's about to
pull out of this forest.
As you emerge kind of bursting through
with a flutter of leaves
and foliage and branches
and lichens kind of bursting
around the carriage,
you come out of this
natural dome of the forest
and into the stark moonlight.
Let's go to the next board.
You see the giant, silvery orb of the moon
like an eye in the sky shining down,
bathed in silver on Castle Dracula...
Home sweet home.
So close but so far, you go
tearing at breakneck speed
through a canyon where the
very bones of the Earth
come carving up like jagged teeth.
Old tombs, old broken monuments
crushed under the heel
of Dracula's conquest
when he was still a mortal, and you come
to that wonderful place, that
place of haven and safety.
The canyon of his dead dreams.
The only barrier left to cross
before you return home to the sanctity,
to the safety of Castle Dracula.
And you hear in the
distance on the train tracks
as you come up the drive...
(Chooo-choooooo)
(Erika gasps)
(dramatic music)
- [Carlos] Not the tube.
- [Zac] Not the tube, not the tube!
- [Carlos] The metal tube!
- [Jasmine] (Chooo-chooo)
(train horn honking)
- It's the top of the round.
- [Players] Oh!
- We're gonna fight a train.
- It is werewolf number one's turn.
It tears onto the scene right behind you.
It was only 10 feet behind,
and it uses its remaining movement to try
to latch onto the side of the carriage.
That'll put it at 15 feet.
It's going to then-
- And one of them is frightened, right?
- It has disadvantage on ability checks
and attack rolls while
you're within line of sight,
but it can still move.
- [Zac] Oh, okay, cool, okay.
- It is going to attach
itself onto the carriage
and try to swipe in at you
kind of like a cat reaching into a hole.
- I've heard of a CAT scan.
(group laughing)
- Every single time May giggles. (giggles)
- I think it's getting better.
- It's almost a joke.
- You requested Zac Oyama.
(Erika laughs)
(Jasmine sighs exasperatedly)
- Instead- like Rorschach in prison,
"You're stuck in here with me!"
(group laughing)
- It's going to attack randomly
since both of you are next to each other.
Evens it's you, odds it's you.
- I think I'm inside.
- Evens, so it's going to reach at you
with both of its claws and
it's going to try to bite you.
So you just see this snout kind of come in
through the corner kind
of trying to get at you.
And it's with disadvantage or is it?
- Yeah, you have half
cover. Missing on the bite.
Missing on one of the claws.
But striking with the second claw.
- When you said disadvantage,
because it's frightened?
- Yeah.
- We're not really in
line of sight anymore
'cause it's outside and it's
kind of reaching in, but-
- Oh, it doesn't see him inside.
- I see, I see.
- Yeah, it has disadvantage.
It's frightened of you plus
you would have half cover
even if it wasn't frightened.
Dealing five, eight piercing damage.
- Oof, okay.
- [Jasmine] Sorry, slashing damage.
It deals eight slashing
damage as its claws come in
kind of greedily scratching at you,
chipping away pieces of the carriage
as splinters go flying in the wind.
- [Zac] Get out of here.
- It is the end of its turn.
The train lurches forward.
(train horn honks)
The carriage lurches forward.
- [Carlos] Lurch!
- May, quick mental
mathematics would tell you
that it is going to be
difficult to make it through,
but you know that if you
can make it past the train,
the way home-
- You can make it anywhere.
- [Jasmine] Is very close, yes.
If you can make it in this
city, you can make it anywhere.
You hear the other wives'
voice in your head, "Darling!"
- I have a couple of
questions about the train.
Is there, can I see somebody running it?
What is, like, it is...
- You can assume there's an engineer.
You can't really see
them from where you're at
because they would be inside
the conductor's compartment.
- All right.
- Not a ghost train situation?
- Yeah, it's not that. Also-
- It's a sentient train! Just kidding.
- If the train is going
at what, 50 miles an hour?
- We're not doing this again!
No, we're doing if one
train leaves Castle Dracula
at 15 miles per hour...
- All right, okay, so May hops out,
and there's two of the werewolves...
- There's one that's just off the screen,
but it is within probably 20 feet.
- Okay, so May gets between
the two of the wolves.
Boom, Shadow Step, so
suddenly May disappears
in a booming cloud of mist
and teleports to the train.
- [Zac] Ooh.
- [Jasmine] Awesome, go
ahead and move yourself.
- [Izzy] To the train?
- In the train. In the train.
- Yeah, you can be on the train
'cause it has to be a space you can see.
- [Erika] Mm-hmm.
- You're like Nightcrawler.
- So can I see inside the windows?
- Yeah, there's a normal enough
fellow shoveling the train-
This isn't like a villain train.
This train always runs by your house.
- [Zac] Hm...
(Jasmine laughing)
- Okay.
- It's not-
- [Zac] I know this train.
- It's just a normal conductor.
You just see a normal
run-of-the-mill dude with a mustache.
- The mustache still makes
me suspicious though.
(Jasmine laughing)
Mustaches are by nature suspicious.
(group laughing)
All right, so there's just a guy in there.
- Before we move on to that,
each creature within your
space makes a constitution-
- All right, so a
constitution saving throw.
- Werewolf one makes it.
Werewolf three also makes it.
- Okay, they take half damage of 3d10...
necrotic.
Oh, five.
They take five necrotic damage.
- [Jasmine] Okay.
- And then I'm going
to unhook the train from the...
From the engine. So, lands inside
and tries to grab the pin.
- [Jasmine] Okay, to
unhook the last cargo.
So you Shadow Step away in
between those two werewolves
leaving this necrotic strange mist behind.
You see their faces kind of recoil
as they cover their mouths
and try to avoid breathing in this miasma
and you reappear here.
You jump down and try to undo the pin.
Give me a strength saving throw.
- Flash of Genius.
- Thank you.
- [Jasmine] Ooh, a plus five.
- Oh, eight, wait, no, eight plus...
Nine.
- Okay, with a nine you're sitting there.
You're struggling with it.
It is so heavy and your nails are so nice
and you definitely don't want to break one
trying to get this pin up.
- Okay, I'm going to use quicken spell
and then use the Vampiric
Grasp and have that be...
and have that assist me.
- [Jasmine] Definitely, go ahead.
- As a bonus action.
- Go ahead and reroll that check
as your strange spectral
hand comes next to you
and tries to pull it up for you.
- 13.
- 13, it's enough.
You needed to beat a 12.
(Erika cheers)
So with this new shadowy
hand that you conjure
after quickening your spell,
you are able to lift up the pin.
Whoa, sorry, May.
- May's dead.
- Unhooking the remaining carts.
I see your strategy and I applaud it.
- Thank you.
- [Jasmine] Would you like to
do anything else on your turn?
- That's all. Thank you.
- You will notice at this
point that Fifi is gone,
replaced instead by a strange
baying in the distance.
- Aw, he's out there living
his best life, un-life.
- [Jasmine] The carriage
moves forward a bit.
- That massive Pomeranian.
- The train moves forward as well,
leaving the lone coal cart
on the tracks behind it.
Dr. Aleksandr, it is your turn.
- Um, I'm gonna...
- I feel like I've
created a good encounter
'cause y'all are thinking.
I'm like, watching the
cogs turn in real time.
- So how many rounds is it gonna take
for this to move past us?
- It moves, I think I counted
'em out right, 15 feet.
- Per round.
- At the end of your turn.
Yeah, so as the carriage-
- [Izzy] Per turn.
- Moves forward it moves 15.
- Do we have a sense of if we
have the time to wait here?
Are there more werewolves-
- I don't know, Zac. Can you do math?
- Oh my f*cking God.
(Jasmine laughing)
- No! No we can't!
That's why we're actors here, Jasmine!
- [Jasmine] Figure it out!
- Do you think
if we could do math that
we would do anything else
than be poor, struggling actors?
- I gotta do all of it as your DM?
- I wasn't asking for math.
I was asking for like-
- [Jasmine] Oh, got you.
- Like a perception check.
- Look at me being shady for no reason.
(Zac and Izzy laughing)
Yeah, give me a perception check.
I thought you were asking how many turns
before you're clear of the
train and I was like...
- Girl.
- Exactly.
- I was like, "I'm sorry." 17.
- 17, you do hear more baying behind you.
- Okay, should I make
these horses fly or what?
- Um, I'm down.
- Well, do I, using my, you know,
my passive intelligence of 21,
would these shadow beasts be
able to lift the carriage?
- They would be able to lift the carriage.
I think the question is if you
could cast that three times
on your turn 'cause it is a leveled spell.
- [Carlos] Yeah.
- [Zac] If you get one,
I can get the other.
- I think we just need to
stop them for a couple rounds
and hold up because I have a feeling
that they're gonna go right through it
and then the carriage is what's
gonna smash into the train.
- [Izzy] Yeah.
- So we just need to
hold them for a second
and hold off whatever army comes after.
- [Izzy] So I mean, next turn-
- [Zac] Are they running to the train?
- [Izzy] They're going
to run into the train.
- Yeah, so either you or Squing
is gonna have to stop it.
- I mean, it's hard to tell-
- Stop the carriage?
- [Carlos] Stop our
carriage or stop the train.
Or no, it's too late to stop the train
'cause the train's already in our way
so we're gonna have to
stop the carriage, I think.
Or get it to go around this way.
I don't even think it can fit.
- Strictly speaking, there
would still be some inertia
on that back so that would
probably still lurch forward.
- [Carlos] That's probably true, too.
- I think we want to try
to go over it, right?
- [Carlos] That's probably a gamble-
- Maybe f*ck the carriage.
We get the casket and get outta here.
- I like the way you think,
Zac. I like it a lot.
- So should we just be
focusing sort of, okay, okay.
- I think what you were
saying makes sense,
and you can get one and
I can get the other.
- Or I should get myself.
- Well, if you get the,
I mean, if we're not trying
to lift the carriage,
you can get on the horse,
you know what I mean?
- Yeah, or I can fly.
- I bet the horse has more of
a carrying capacity than you-
(Jasmine laughs)
- Well, we're not trying
to take the carriage.
- But we have a lot of people and so my...
- I can hand out more-
- [Jasmine] So what he's trying to say-
- [Erika] Body or the coffin.
- Is if you make the horse fly
you could potentially grab another person
or grab something else and
put it on the horse with you.
- [Zac] Yeah.
- And just take the horse and
detach it from the carriage.
- [Erika] Yeah.
- [Jasmine] I think that's what-
- The classic Western move.
- Seven people.
- [Izzy] Okay.
- There's like seven of us total.
- Oh my f*cking God. I
shouldn't have taken that child.
- I can eat the child
if that makes- - [Jasmine]
"Zeida, don't leave me, please."
- If that helps anything,
I can eat the child.
- So in a way, Bonnifer
will still be with us.
- That's the answer to the riddle.
I eat the child, we move over.
(group laughing)
- Yeah, whatever you leave
back with Squing gets eaten.
- Okay, Drago might get
eaten. I don't know.
You, do you have a way of flying?
- No, but I'll be fine.
- I can give you a flight elixir.
- [Carlos] Okay.
- Can I do that?
- Yeah.
- I would say do the horses
and have them carry the body.
- I do one horse.
That's my spell slot.
- [Erika] Oh.
- But what about giving
a bottle to someone?
- Giving is a free action. Let
me, let's take a look at how-
- [Izzy] Administering is an action.
- Yeah, let's look at
how your elixirs work
'cause I do believe you prepped
them ahead of time so...
- [Zac] Oh.
- Whenever you finish a
long rest, which you have,
you can magically produce up
to two experimental elixirs,
each an empty flask you touch.
So as an action you can
drink it or administer it,
but I think we could say that if it used
the other players' action
then you could give it to them
and they could use it because
you're not casting the spell
so much as this is a prepared elixir
that you're giving to someone.
- [Izzy] Okay.
- So you couldn't make
them fly on your turn.
- [Izzy] Yeah, but I could give them-
- 'Cause that would take
and action but I would say,
yes, I would say that
counts as a minor action
or a free action, let me say that.
- [Izzy] Okay, okay.
- A free action.
- I'm going to, okay, I'm
gonna pick up Florina,
is that okay?
- [Jasmine] Yeah.
- I'm gonna pick up-
- [Jasmine] She's a child.
- Yeah, I'm gonna pick
her up. I'm gonna go
to a horse.
- She puts her arms around your neck
and puts her face against yours.
- This is incredible, okay.
I'm gonna go to a demon horse.
- [Jasmine] Yes, yes.
- I'm gonna give demon horse.
- [Jasmine] Yes, yes, do it.
- A flight juice.
- [Jasmine] f*cking do it, yes.
- [Carlos] Just drink
it, you stupid horse.
- Drinking its juice for a horse.
- This is some "Back to the Future" sh*t.
I love it.
- [Izzy] I give you a flight potion.
- Ooh, thank you. I'll
save this for later.
- And I'm gonna, we're gonna,
Falkor!
(group laughing)
- Do you still have that flame active?
- Yeah, can I also point my flamethrower
at someone while we're
flying away? (laughs)
- [Jasmine] Yes, yes.
- [Erika] Amazing.
(Izzy cackling madly)
- [Jasmine] You gain a
flying speed of 10 feet
so you can move 10 feet
up and over on this turn
with Florina by your side.
- [Izzy] Okay, got it.
- [Jasmine] Okay, got it. Amazing.
- [Carlos] Damn, that was good.
♪ Soaring, fly- ♪
f*ck'-
(group laughing)
Okay, and while we're flying
away can I blast the fire?
- [Jasmine] Yes, you can.
- At her?
- Yes.
- [Zac] Oh yes.
- Give me a insight check.
- An insight check?
- [Jasmine] Mm-hmm.
As you make eyes or as you see each other
kind of for the first time
'cause this is the first time
you've excited the carriage.
- [Izzy] Me and wolf girl?
- [Jasmine] Yeah.
- 19.
- Something seems very familiar about her.
- Oh my God.
- Shut your mouth!
Shut your mouth!
- [Carlos] (gasps) Oh my God!
- Shut your mouth!
- No!
- [Izzy] No, no, no!
- No, no, no!
- Don't do this.
I'm fully not-
- It's been seven years.
- Oh, no!
She wouldn't!
- That's all I'm thinking right now.
- Okay, I'm just gonna try
and look at Squing and say,
(shakily) "You ever heard of a CAT scan?
(group laughing)
(shouting) You ever heard of a CAT scan?"
(group laughing)
- "Uh yeah, what is it?"
- "The dog is my wife!
My wife!
(laughs) My wife."
(group laughing)
- (laughs) Zac's face. He's like in pain.
(group laughing)
- "What the f*ck are you talking about?"
- "My wife is a dog.
My wife is a..."
- You married a dog?
- Wow.
- [Carlos] What's going on here?
- I've never seen your wife, but sheesh.
- [Jasmine] Oh my God.
(players laughing)
- Hey, I don't know if
you're supposed to say that.
- Squing is gonna tight five right now.
- Ah. (groans)
- "For once in your life,
understand what's happening!"
- Squing looks at the werewolf is like,
"Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh."
- [Jasmine] I am so sorry that you like-
- I'm crying, I'm crying.
- You actually f*cking k*lled me.
I did not expect you to say
that. Oh my f*cking God.
- What, to say "My wife?"
- No, the dog. (laughs)
- We've come to expect that
sort of thing from you.
- Oh my God, I took a sip right when-
- If you wanna hear me
say it again, get HBO Max.
- Watch "Sex Lives of
College Girls" on HBO Max!
Featuring Isabella Roland.
- I don't feel good. I don't feel good.
I can't believe you made the dog my wife.
- That's awesome and I love it.
- Oh my God, please-
- [Jasmine] But like I have to pick-
- She is a buxom and bulky woman.
And you have to save her.
You have to save her.
- [Carlos] This is drama.
- She's not gonna run into the train.
I'm just gonna leave her behind.
- I just love that half the
table thinks I'm a monster
and the other half is like,
no, that's pretty cool.
- No, I love it.
I love that Drago's
gonna take a shot, too,
and he already lost his
wife so he knows your pain.
(gasps) So much drama!
- Is it my turn?
(Carlos laughing)
- No, it's her turn, isn't it?
- (coughs) I can't think straight anymore!
- Can she feel me?
- It is, yes, yes, you see-
- [Carlos] Flying potion, give her one.
- I am so sorry.
- Can I whip a flying potion at her?
- This is YA bullshit, Jasmine!
- [Jasmine] I did not think
you were gonna do the my wife thing.
Oh, I am so sorry.
Okay, okay, so it werewolf
number three's turn.
- Okay, but so I can't throw
a flying potion at her?
- [Zac] How many?
- I thought you
were gonna throw it to...
- I gave one to Wetzel.
- [Jasmine] Yeah.
- I can't do another
one? No, absolutely not.
- [Jasmine] Um...
- I just scream that it's my
wife, that a dog's my wife.
- [Jasmine] Yeah.
- My wife's a dog.
- Yes, but you also notice
that the dog recognizes you.
- Okay, okay.
- [Jasmine] With a 19 you see that.
- Are the other ones my sons?
- No, no, they're women.
- [Erika] They're all women.
- They're women, Izzy.
Izzy, do you still trust me?
Look in my eyes, Izzy. Do
you think I would hurt you?
- I don't know what I think anymore.
- Oh, I love it.
- Carlos is like, "Yes!"
- More!
- I was freezing cold five minutes ago
and now I've never been hotter.
- That's true.
- [Jasmine] So you pour a flight elixir
into the horse's mouth, grab
Florina, take off to the skies,
tossing a second elixir to Wetzel.
You recognize that the dog is your wife.
- [Izzy] A dog's my wife.
(howl resounds)
- And you notice that she
recognizes this as well.
And then a lot of things
happen all at once.
Five, 10, 15.
The first horse strikes against the train,
turning into mist with
a strange, eerie shriek
that echoes throughout the entire canyon.
It is then werewolf number three's turn.
It's going to come move 15 feet up here
and try to grab the coffin
out of the back of the carriage.
It fails to do so, thereby
expending its action,
and then it's the end of its turn.
- One horse is left.
- So only one's left.
- [Jasmine] Only one horse is left, yes,
with the carriage in the back.
Okay, perfect. Then it is Squing's turn.
- Squing is...
- [Jasmine] Squing!
- [Carlos] Squing, Squing.
- Squing.
- Wow I am caught in
the middle of... a lot.
I, uh-
- Bring my baby back.
- I think Squing is...
There's a lot of bodies to be saved.
Who else is, I mean, we
might lose Drago here,
but I don't know what else to do.
- Drago's gotta Drago.
- "Drago, be with your wife."
- Oh!
(group laughing)
- "My guy, you've been solid,
but I gotta jet, baby."
And I-
(group laughing)
My little baby bone wings come out of me.
I think I, I don't know if
I can fly with the coffin.
If I can't...
- You do know it's half open
from that failed attempt.
- [Zac] Can I pull out-
- The body?
- The beautiful semi-intact corpse of
the Dark Lord,
carry him like a bride
as I fly into the air.
♪ And I ♪
- How far do you fly?
- Let's get you out of here.
I have a fly speed of 60 feet.
- Oh, yeah.
- [Izzy] m*therf*cker.
- And that's all I can
say about that. (laughs)
- [Jasmine] Yeah, so
where do you wanna land?
'Cause that's a crazy amount of-
- I was just gonna keep going.
I don't even know if I would land.
- [Jasmine] Okay, perfect.
- I would just fly over
the bridge, I guess.
- [Jasmine] Mm-hmm, I
think that's right, yeah.
- [Zac] And I'll...
- Put you next to pop-pop.
Here, let's put...
There we go, yay.
- Oh, and can I say I
nudged Zarb with my head
and absorbed him back into my brain?
- Yes, yes.
Zarb gets reabsorbed back
into your large, undulating cranium.
Did he feed on anything?
- He did not, I don't think.
- [Jasmine] Okay, cool.
- He shot a crossbow into a tree.
- That he did do.
(Zac laughs)
- That would be, I think,
the end of my turn.
I'm trying to think if there,
I guess Zarb could have tried to,
I don't know what the rules are
in terms of, if Zarb dies here
if he would find me eventually.
- Yes, because he's kind of your familiar.
- Tumor.
- [Jasmine] Yeah, tumor. (laughs)
- Maybe I'll leave, if that's the case,
maybe I'll leave Zarb to help Drago.
- [Jasmine] Mm-hmm.
- Oh.
- Zarb, Zarb, help Drago.
Do whatever makes sense. I don't know.
Drago, maybe don't k*ll the dog wife.
- (laughs) Okay.
"I understand what it
is like to lose a wife.
I would never put you
through this pain myself."
(Izzy holds with disappointment)
(Jasmine laughing)
- The captions just say, "Izzy
holds with disappointment."
(group laughing)
- This lurches forward,
detaching kind of the
horses from the carriage.
- [Zac] Where are you?
- [Carlos] Inside.
- The last horse explodes
into a bone-chilling
kind of shriek sound and mist from it.
The carriage crunches
against the side of the train
kind of beginning to
be pulled along with it
so it's kind of askew now like this.
As it does, everyone aboard,
give me a strength saving throw.
- I got this. Oh, please
(hums) 19.
- Perfect. You are able
to keep your footing.
Drago falls off the side of the carriage,
kind of rolling away to safety
and is thrown to the side
by the sheer inertia of
this cargo compartment
striking against the side of the carriage.
It is your turn, Wetzel.
- Wetzel. (laughs)
So I'm going to down my
energy drink, my flight drink.
And I'm going to extend my hand for Drago.
- Yeah, he's within range.
- Pull him up
and we will Peter Pan and
Wendy fly over this train.
- [Jasmine] Fantastic.
- You guys should kiss.
- [Jasmine] Now that this'll fit on here.
- He's just moving closer and closer
with my extendable hand.
- The two of you fly to safety.
I'm out of risers so we'll
theater of the mind it.
- "What do you say,
Drago, we fly outta here?"
- "With you, my brother,
I will go anywhere."
- "Zarb, sorry!"
(group laughing)
- [Carlos] What's going on?
- My bad, Zarb, my bad.
- What happened?
- Nothing, nothing at all.
- Your Zarb? Ah, sh*t, okay.
- [Jasmine] You're gonna get Zarb back.
- Can I use my bonus action to grab Zarb?
- [Jasmine] Yeah.
- If I switch hands?
- [Jasmine] Sure, mm-hmm.
- Then use my extendable hand
to grab him up.
- Zarb, I think, would
make his way back home.
- Zarb finds his way.
- In your head.
- Hair wafting in the wind, greasy locks.
Drago looks at you and
says, "You didn't leave me."
- [Izzy] Oh my God.
- [Carlos] "I would never
leave you, brother."
- [Izzy] Oh my God, is he gonna-
- [Jasmine] He locks his arm around yours
as you take flight.
- [Izzy] Oh my God.
- Pulling both of you to safety
as, at the end of your turn,
the carriage is further ripped.
(players screaming)
Crashing off the landing,
off the drive into the gully below.
- [Izzy] "Come to the castle, Marina."
(players laughing)
- You exit initiative...
having successfully extricated
Count Dracula from a hopeless situation.
- f*ck you.
(players laughing)
- The wind whistles in
the canyon before you.
The bridge gently sways back and forth.
It doesn't seem sturdy,
but you know it to be home.
You find yourselves in a
kind of strange silence
after a battle hard fought.
The moon is covered by clouds,
and as the rest of the train
slowly lurches forward,
you see disembarking safely from the top
of one of the compartments, Marina.
Her beautiful locks fall down to her waist
as she has kind of shed her fur
kind of like a weird furry suit
that just kinda, zoop, zoop.
- Is she naked?
- Yes, naked as the day she was born
with her locks covering
her beautiful body.
Her eyes are bright lavender,
and her beautiful deep
skin kind of glistens
in what remains of the moonlight
kind of filtered between these clouds
as her lycanthropy and rage
has subsided and she says,
"I thought you were dead!
I came to avenge you, my love!"
- "Um, a monster has been
eating my letters to you."
- "I will k*ll him!"
- "Well, you know...
Hang on, whoever- devil's advocate..."
- "He's just a baby."
- "Is this the monster?"
- Aleks embraces her.
- She embraces you back and
plants a long-awaited,
a seven-year-long kiss on your lips.
"Somewhere in my heart
I knew you were alive."
- "I sort of just thought
you didn't want to walk down the street.
We have a lot to talk about."
- "I've made pacts with demons
to make me strong enough
to win you back from the
clutches of that monster."
- "I f*cking love you so much."
- "I f*cking love you more."
- [Jasmine] And in the shade-
- What's Florina doing?
- Of her hair you feel once
again like you are home.
And when you say, "What's Florina doing?"
Florina's like, "Wow, that
lady has some big honkers.
I cannot wait until I have some of my own.
They are hypnotizing."
- Worth it.
- "Marina, we have a daughter."
- "I've always wanted one."
- [Izzy] "I know."
- And you hear in the
background her saying,
"Well, I hope there is
something I maybe inherit
because they look like they
could entrance many a man
and rob them of their coins."
- "That's now how it works,
and also you've been calling
me grandpa this entire time."
- "Well, Grandmother has some traits
I would like to possess.
They said they made
pacts with dark demons.
I am willing to do the same
if that means I can look like that."
- "We have the perfect family."
(group laughing)
- While I'm flying with the
Count, I pull out my letter
and I read the part that is for just me
back to the Count.
And I say, "So when you said,
'Of all the creations, you've
always shown the most heart
and the most humanity.
In you, I remember what it
is to be a mortal myself,
and if anything were to ever happen to you
or if I were to ever lose you,
I would lose the brightest
part of my soul.'
(soft instrumental music)
You mean me, right?"
- "I mean you."
- "Oh...
Wow.
God, I hope Drago's okay.
(group laughing)
Shoulda, I shoulda done
something different."
- "You are soft on the inside
and not just on the outside,
though you may forget it."
- "Wow, okay, yeah.
I tried to eat the kid earlier.
I'll think about it. This
is aspirational for me."
- "You remember what I was like
when I was younger, don't you?"
- "Uh, you were pretty
wrathful if I remember.
You waged wars."
- "Right, yeah.
You remind me of that part of me."
- This man has half a face.
- "It's like passion."
- Yeah, it's like...
- Wow.
Use my handkerchief, my neck thing
to just sort of dab at it.
- "Get me to my ancestral
soil, you f*cking idiot."
- "Got it, got it. On the way."
- "I'm literally f*cking dying."
- "Let's go! (laughs) Let's f*cking go!"
- Avanti.
- And as you hold the dying
but still alive Count in your arms
and look upon the welcoming
spires and gargoyles
of Castle Dracula, where
the shadows are long
and the nights cold and endless,
you feel a warm sense of home
and know that it's within reach.
You begin the trudge across the bridge,
but behind you a shadow lurks
on the engine compartment
marking your every move.
And what their intent is
we will find out next time.
Join us next time on
"Dimension 20: Coffin Run."
- [Players] Blegh!
(Jasmine laughing)
- Boo.
(group laughing)
- Okay, let's do it!
- You see the fabric of
reality kind of ripple.
- Let's head in.
- As the dawn's light hits May and Squing.
(players gasp)
- I gotta go to bed.
- You see an opportunity, you take it.
- But you have a treaty!
- Am I the only one who
thought treaties were snacks?
- I'm sorry. (laughs)
(players laughing)
Smell the gunpowder in
the air and then you see-
- (gasps) Sasha!
(Carlos gasps)
- Your lab is being used, used!
- Daddy's gonna f*ck 'em up.
- Now it's like a kaiju fight.
- Forget this, we have to get down
inside of the mountain
so that we can fix him.
- Every one of us has a
grievance against him.
- Hey, shut up.
- He wasn't supposed to come back.
(Erika and Carlos gasp)
- What's that about the closest relatives
inheriting the estate?
- What the-?
- Oh, m*therf*cking b*tch!
(Erika screams)
(Zac screams)
- Betrayal, I get it.
- [Carlos] I think it's good.
(dramatic music)
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14x04 - Waylaid by Werewolves
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A tabletop role-playing game show produced by and broadcast on Dropout and created and generally hosted by Brennan Lee Mulligan as the show's regular Dungeon Master.
A tabletop role-playing game show produced by and broadcast on Dropout and created and generally hosted by Brennan Lee Mulligan as the show's regular Dungeon Master.