- [Brennan] A list of the topics,
themes, and subject matter
featured in this episode has been included
in the video description.
(spooky scary music)
(spooky music continues)
(spooky music continues)
(spooky music continues)
Hello, one and all.
Welcome back to another thrilling episode
of Dimension 20: Neverafter.
I'm your humble Dungeon
Master, Brennan Lee Mulligan.
With me, as always, are
our intrepid heroes.
- The quietness.
- What a tonal shift.
- Say hi, intrepid heroes.
- Hi, intrepid heroes.
- Too quiet. It's a little spooky.
- This is a little spooky.
I didn't sign up for this.
- Last we left off.
- Okay.
- No one can hear you, Brennan.
You got to talk louder and more fun.
- Oh, I'm about to have a lot of fun.
- It's a comedy show!
- It's a comedy show!
Last we left off, we were
just inside the borders
of the fallen kingdom of Elegy,
home of what was once a bustling populace
with a young prince and
princess married during a ball,
something around a glass slipper
and a girl who'd been discovered
freed from the clutches
of her wicked stepmother,
a fairy tale you and I
might know as Cinderella,
but discovered only long after the fact
by the heroes of the Neverafter.
Having plunged into the forest
guided by the scent tracking abilities
of Little Red Riding Hood
and the forest husbandry
and wilderness skills of the
princess Rosamund du Prix,
AKA Sleeping Beauty,
we arrived here
(ominous music swelling)
to discover a mob
of partially transformed warriors.
Yes, it seems that the horrifying injury,
the shard of glass embedded in the chest
of the Fairy Godmother has taken
a little toll on her magic,
not quite the touch
with a transformation
spell that she once was.
Some noise in the forest, some
strategy, some determination
having led you to this place,
knowing that the book requires
the shard of glass embedded in the chest
of the Fairy Godmother,
your noise has alerted her
to your presence, but you will notice
that you are obscured in
terms of line of sight.
The hillock there has
still kept you hidden,
even though your location
generally is known.
- Why is it known again? Did we shout?
- We were arguing.
- We started arguing.
- I think we were strategizing.
- Oh.
- A little bit too loud.
- Gerard didn't want to
go along with the plan.
- Surrendered our position.
Yeah, I think it was Gerard's fault.
- [Lou] I attempted to talk him down.
- I think the teams are
stacked in a certain direction.
- Prince Gerard, do you think
that this transforming witch
could transform you
back into your hot self?
- You know, from the sounds
of all of the other transformations,
I doubt it.
- No, yeah.
- Could turn you into an armoire.
- Do you want to be an armoire?
- Depends on if it's a handsome armoire.
- Gerarmchair?
- Gerarmchair.
- Everybody's handsome to someone!
- Gerarmoire.
- Without any further ado,
we are going to leap into combat.
- I'm scared, hold me.
I'm freaking scared, I'm freaking scared.
- Timothy, you're my
authority figure here.
- I'm so freaking tiny.
- Tiny Tim!
- I'm so cold. Somebody kiss me.
- An army of animated,
partially transformed constructs
swivels around to gaze
into the dark forest
from the rotting pumpkin
carriage, and as they do,
some of those here will be first to act.
- Some.
- Yeah.
- I will also alert you at this point
that through the course of this battle,
certain new game mechanics may be added
to represent the degree
of hardship and woe
present for our heroes in the Neverafter.
- 20 bad guys, and you're like-
- 20 plus the fairy.
- But remember, we're just
here to get the shard.
- Yes.
- That's true.
- We don't need to fight these guys.
- And we have our teams.
Distraction, extraction.
It's a one two and we're out of here.
- I'm looking at you, Gerard,
and I'm looking at no one else.
- Your shard.
- Gerard, you can do it.
- I actually don't experience woe.
- You hear the thump of leaden feet,
the shiver of wooden torsos,
the screams that echo from
within the slats of chests
that should contain lungs to breathe,
and instead rattle with
cobwebs, dirt, and rust.
A surge of the smaller, more
nimble of these constructs
leaps to action under the
command of the Fairy Godmother.
You have precious little time to act.
Puss in Boots, that's your turn.
- Oh no.
I'm hearing stuff move.
Extract, distract? Is that
what we're talking about?
- You're on extraction.
- Yeah.
- [Zac] I know! Look.
I'm just going to see if I can sneak up
and get a bit of a better position.
- I've never done this, so I don't know
how it works mechanically.
- Good.
- No, I'm not talking about this moment.
I've never done this moment either,
but I've never been in the position,
do you want me to throw you?
I don't know how that works mechanically.
- I think I'm going to
try to hide somewhere
a little closer, and then we'll
see what happens from there.
- Okay.
- Great, sounds good for extracting.
- This is going-
- This is going good.
- This is going good.
- I honestly think,
we've already got a plan, we're executing.
- That's true, we can't
stray from the plan.
- [Lou] We're not straying from the plan.
- Unless we stray together as
Princess Rosamund taught me.
- So I think I have a movement of 30.
I think Puss wants to go here and dive
like a f*cking Star Wars
tauntaun into the dead cow.
- Yikes!
- Hide in the dead cow.
- Absolutely filthy.
- Hell yes.
Go ahead, let's make sure
that your movement is enough to get there.
- [Zac] 5, 10, 15, 20.
- [Brennan] 25, 30.
- That's buttoned up.
- What's up, dude?
Put a tie on that.
- Oh yeah.
- That's for sure buttoned up.
- That's exactly right, I think.
- Yeah, that'll do it.
- Oh my god.
- Zac, Pib, go ahead and
give me a stealth check.
- [Zac] Okay.
- And again, this will be your action.
- [Lou] Crit.
- That's buttoned up,
dude. This is buttoned up.
- That was a f*cking 23.
(players cheering)
- Do your freaking drawers see that?
- Yeah, what's up, dude?
Do your new game mechanics see that?
- Does he experience woe from that, dude?
- The energy in the room is palpable.
- He experiences a W-H-O-A whoa.
- It's either this or
crime, Brennan. Your choice.
- [Brennan] Incredible, so-
- I'm f*cking scared right now!
- So f*cking scared right now!
Pib, hearing the movement
of these figures,
also go ahead and give me a
perception check, actually,
on your turn as well.
- That's a 19.
- Okay.
On a 19, you hear most of them
kind of just surging
forward into the woods.
I think you probably would be able to see
some going the other
way, but you do notice
that these top-heavy,
lumpen sort of constructs
don't appear to be trying
to surge up the hill at all.
They appear to-
- Go on those paths?
- Go on those paths.
They look like, again,
these things are not people
that were transformed into objects.
They are objects transformed into people,
and as a result of that,
they are sort of seeking
the path of least resistance,
almost like poorly,
this would not be the right terminology,
but poorly programmed,
if that makes sense.
The transformation
being partly incomplete,
they're just seeking that
path of least resistance
and taking that direct command
from the Fairy Godmother.
You leap up, slide into
the carcass of that cow,
and peer out with your yellow
eyes at the scene before you.
- Wow, we're in hell.
- Okay.
- [Brennan] Next in initiative, Rosamund.
- [Siobhan] Okay, so I'm going to go
one, two, three, four,
five, six.
- Get away from me!
- And I'm going to loudly proclaim,
because I am on distraction team,
I heard you're looking for a princess!
- sh*t, that was my strategy.
- [Siobhan] I'm going to
sh**t number nine right there,
or attempt to sh**t
number nine right there.
- [Brennan] Go ahead and
give me an attack roll.
- Great.
13?
- 13 does not hit.
- Well, that was secondarily important
to getting everybody to chase me.
- Incredible, go ahead and give me
either deception or
persuasion, your choice.
- Great, I'm equally bad
at both, and I got a four.
- Yikes.
- You do not see an immediate
reaction in response.
You loose an arrow from your bow,
thuds into sort of the wooden carapace
of that figure in front of
you, and moving from there,
it is going to be Little
Red Riding Hood's turn.
- [Emily] Okay.
I see there is a thing here.
I don't want to come here,
because I'm afraid they
won't see me, so one, two.
I'm guessing this would be about movement.
Could I get here with my movement?
- One, two, three.
- [Emily] Because there's no dots there.
- [Brennan] Yes, I will
say with your movement
you can arrive there.
- Okay, so I get here and I say,
it is also I, a beautiful princess!
And then I go into a rage
and become even more
werewolf-like. (growls)
And then I think, can I hold my action
for when it comes at me?
- Yeah.
- Because I'm basically just trying
to bait them into this hallway.
- Absolutely, you can do that.
- Okay.
- So you and Rosamund both make
a big noise, drawing people
sort of towards the center
of that board there.
I'm going to-
- Yeah, because I don't
think that my movement
will get me to him, will it?
- No, I don't believe
your movement will get you
all the way to that first animated object.
- Okay, so yeah, then I'm
going to hold my action
for the first person that comes
to me, I'm going to attack.
- I will allow you in this moment
to roll persuasion or
deception if you want,
or I will allow you to
use that part of your turn
to allow Rosamund to
reroll her roll on that.
- I mean, what do you
think I'm going to do?
- I have a plus one to those things.
If you have better, you should do it.
- I have a minus one.
- Okay, great. I'll do it.
I'll use the die you gave me.
- Beautiful, really.
- Oh, I crit!
- Wait, are you serious?
- [Ally] Yes, yes!
- You've got to be kidding me!
- Blessings.
- Thank goodness.
- Rosamund leaps to the top of the hill.
Red, you go there, and once
again grow larger, more feral.
Both of you appearing in that place,
you feel even your first sentence,
it seemed almost too good to be true,
but now with your presence, it looks like,
it's gone from looking
like, is this a trick?
To, oh, these people are fools and making
a desperate last stand
here over in this section.
You draw the attention of all
of the animated constructs
that begin to charge with
you, and with that nat 20,
also draw the genuine attention
of the Fairy Godmother.
As you arrive, the Fairy Godmother looks
directly at you and says,
a princess!
What a charming girl.
You've been touched by
fairy magic yourself.
- Yes, beauty and grace
and also some kind of sleep situation,
which I am currently dealing with.
- But another gift as well,
for even curses are
gifts in their own right.
You see she smiles, says,
make sure our guests are comfortable!
(Brennan giggles sinisterly)
And they continue to charge.
- Horrifying. Don't like.
- That is going to be her turn.
- [Lou] I don't like that.
- That's her turn?
- No, no, no, no, no.
- That was her whole turn, great.
- Yeah, that was her whole turn.
- That's buttoned up!
- She uses her action to chat.
- A villain speech is an action.
- Button it up. Button it up.
- She pulls out the sofa bed
and makes me a little sleeping area.
- Takes a nap.
- Fix you a cup of tea.
You know, you guys have a lively debate
about whether or not a curse
is a blessing in its own way.
- Just a really good chat.
- Just a really good chat.
- Okay.
- And remember, I'm inside a cow.
- Please remember.
- That probably gives
you some kind of cover.
- I'm hoping.
(dice rattling ominously)
(Murph groans)
- I mean, I had to move to where I am
to bait them down this hallway.
- Oh yeah.
- This is the purpose.
This is why we do this.
- Yes.
- This is a distraction.
- It's a distraction.
- Your armor class is currently
one higher than normal.
- Yes, it is currently 17.
- Damn.
- My armor class is older than me.
- We should've worked
harder to convince the child
not to go off and distract the army.
- Gerard, you're the only
full adult here, okay?
- I turn 13 in three days.
- [Ally] What about me?
- The princess is like 100 and something.
- Okay, yeah.
- Well, sure.
- I'm merely a little cat.
- Emotionally, I don't know.
- Just don't look at me, all right?
I'm like a small boy puppet, I'm not-
- How long have you been a puppet?
- Like, maybe roughly a year.
- You all see, waving her
wand, you see she goes,
salagadoola mechicka, bibbidi boo!
You take 12 points of radiant damage.
- Radiant?
- You take seven points
of radiant damage as light
whips from her magic wand.
I believe that does
bypass your rage halving,
whoosh, as that moves from there.
You feel this rippling of magical power.
Red, you know that this
bypasses whatever protection
you normally have in
this place you can go to.
Rosamund, you are hit by this
and have a sudden memory of screaming.
You're looking up,
there's bars around you,
and fairies leaning over
a crib with rotting faces.
- Oh no.
- Three gifts we've come to
give. Three gifts we shall.
You see that the last blue fairy,
worms moving in her eyes, goes,
what do you imagine my
gift would have been
if it had all not gone so wrong?
You're back in the battle.
That is the Fairy Godmother's turn.
Pinocchio, that's you.
- Okay.
- [Murph] Which team are you on again?
- [Lou] I'm on, I'm on uh-
- [Murph] Distraction? The
distraction already happened!
You're on extraction now!
We're all on extraction!
- I don't want to pivot!
- The distraction is
set! They already know!
We need all four of us!
- All right, all right!
- I'm just holding my broom. I agree!
- Okay, okay. I'll pivot, I'll pivot.
- I think Mother Goose should
be moved to distraction,
because Sleeping Beauty-
- [Brennan] Sorry.
- Yes, I cannot take another hit.
- You took 12, you took seven.
I'm going to need a charisma
saving throw from each of you.
- Ay yi yi yi yi!
- They're distracted.
- Tim, I-
- Bad. Four.
- 13 minus one, 12.
- 12. What'd you get?
- Four.
- What's that? What the hell is that?
- [Brennan] Hold onto that for me.
- Look, they're dead.
Let's get out of here.
- Oh my god!
- Gerard! Gerard, stop that!
Stop that kind of negative talk.
- The only person that you came in with,
you're like, deuces!
- Tim, let's switch, okay?
I'm going to pivot onto extraction.
You stay on distraction.
Please make sure Rosamund is okay.
- Yeah, I think Rosamund
is the key to all of this.
We need to keep her alive.
- Okay, okay, yeah, I've
got, that's definitely-
- Then why was she on distraction?
- I'm on extraction, but also, I'm afraid.
- Hey.
Don't be, okay? Fix it.
- Wow, Dad!
- Gerard, with me!
I'm going to take off.
- This way.
- Yeah, that way.
Gerard, with me!
- No!
- How far off the map can we get, Brennan?
- No!
- I think I'm going to full dash,
start to run around the hillock,
having now been f*cking switched
over to team extraction.
- Okay, yeah, go ahead,
you can count it out.
You're going to move 12 spaces.
- [Lou] 35, 40.
- [Murph] Yeah, just block line of sight.
- [Lou] 45.
50.
55, 60.
I mean theoretically, you
could tell me I'm wrong,
I feel like I can get to
here if the hill is not-
- I believe you can.
- Okay, you believe me?
- I believe that you can.
- Thanks, man.
- If you're doing a full
dash, you will be sprinting.
Your feet will be hitting the ground.
There will be noise being
made, so it will not
be perfectly stealthy.
- Okay, I mean-
- But he can block line of sight.
- I feel like I can block line of sight,
and the princesses have been screaming.
Like, you know, if a little
wooden puppet boy goes
charging around, who's really
going to notice, you know?
- Sure, sure sure sure.
- The sound of wood on wood in a forest?
- The sound of wood on wood.
- Yeah, a lot of wood on wood!
- So you're just going to sprint
around the hillock as fast as you can.
- You know, you're saying it in that tone
that's like, you idiot, which
is scaring me a little bit,
but I think I'm going to do it.
I feel like Pinocchio
was not planning on
being on team extraction.
We are straying from the path,
but we are straying together,
so it's a full dash
as quietly as I can do it.
Yeah, charge.
- Yeah, stray together.
Stray together, everybody!
We have to stray together!
- [Lou] Can I get closer to the hill?
I don't want 8 and 10.
I mean, I don't want anyone
to be able to see me.
- Okay, I'm going to say that right here
is the farthest you can go
while still having cover from,
you're almost having to
crouch against the hillside
to remain hidden.
- All good.
I know Gerard's right behind me
and everything's going to be okay.
- Should we go the same way?
- Yes!
- All right.
- Pinocchio, you hear...
(Brennan mimicking rapid footsteps)
Just wooden feet hitting to the ground.
This little puppet with his
broken off nose in his hand
runs as fast as possible
around the hillock,
and that is going to move to Gerard.
- I glance through my sword forms,
then I put the book down and
chase after Pinocchio, I guess.
Hide behind Pinocchio.
- I hear the terrified footsteps
of my comrades behind me.
All's going according to plan.
- Gerard, this is going
to be okay, all right?
- In what way?
- I don't know, but it's got to!
I mean, it's a plan. It's a plan.
- It's definitely a plan.
- I mean, Gerard, do
you have better ideas?
- No. No.
- Exactly.
So this is the one,
and it's going to work.
Also, where's Pib?
- This is disgusting.
- [Lou] What were we thinking?
- [Siobhan] This is a nightmare.
- [Ally] The armoire! Oh, the anvil!
- [Siobhan] The anvil is so beefy.
- [Emily] Yeah, come at me!
I bet you could only hit me two at a time,
you f*ck in this bottleneck.
Welcome to Ylfa's bottleneck.
- [Brennan] Incredible.
- [Lou] How many hit
points do you have left?
- [Emily] A lady never tells.
- [Lou] Smart.
- [Emily] And I am a
blossoming young lady.
- Okay.
- Wait, what about bed,
or armoire? What is that?
- This hay bale?
- No, bed.
- This bed over here.
- Oh, bed.
- [Lou] I want you to move away, please.
- You guys are sprinting at
top speed around the hillock.
- Keep in mind all the
bugs around and stuff.
- Yeah, they're loud.
- Yeah, oh my god.
- Are you really going to
hear tap, tap, tap, or bzz?
- [Brennan] Now, you need to know-
- You know this pumpkin is rife with bugs.
- So the passive perception on that table
is just a six.
I am going to ask for stealth
checks from both of you,
but you are in a dead sprint,
so they're going to be with disadvantage.
- I already roll with disadvantage.
- Exactly.
- This is fine.
- You got this, man.
- Just beat a six.
- You're a dex guy. You're a dex-y guy.
- I want Gerard to go first.
- Why? You know I'm just going to fail.
Two.
- It's a 13 for Pinocchio.
I did the assignment.
- I'm yelling after Pinocchio.
- Maybe you shouldn't have
been on extraction team.
I hadn't thought of the fact
that you roll with
disadvantage for stealth.
- Well, they know we're here.
- Distance is about to be very important.
- [Zac] That's a big table.
- [Brennan] 5, 10.
- [Emily] Is there a bed
on that table? It's a bed.
- You see that the breath
drawn through the disembodied head,
the esophagus just connects
into the stuffing of the pillow,
so you see as the bed starts to charge,
the man's head goes (wheezes)
and feathers covered in
saliva burst out of his mouth.
It's going to charge forward.
It has a speed of 40.
I have not measured this out.
- I'm sorry.
- [Brennan] 5, 10, 15, 20,
25, 30,
35, 40.
So.
- What do we do?
The table, it's coming for
us, and it has one leg.
- You see this table swings around,
and with its hooves, paws at the ground.
(Brennan coughing and wheezing)
And it seems to ready an
action. This one right here-
- Come to Ylfa's bottleneck.
Ladies free. Ladies die for free.
- [Ally] It's ladies'
night at Ylfa's bottleneck.
- [Brennan] Mother Goose,
that's going to be you.
- Excellent!
Mother Goose, more scared
than he has ever been
in his f*cking life, and he
has held his son's bones.
He is very worried about Ylfa.
Can I make some sort of survival check
for some sort of help?
- I mean, I would shout
back to you, be like,
Mother Goose, I think Rosamund
is the answer to all of this
and our chance to right
what we want to right,
and so she's more important
than me right now.
- But you also have Sleep,
and there's all of those
guys that are clustered.
- It goes off HP, though, right?
- Yes, but I'm assuming
that they don't have particularly high HP.
I could be wrong.
- [Murph] Only one way to find out.
- Depends on how mean Brennan-
- We haven't hurt a single one.
- If they go to sleep, I could
auto-crit on all of them.
- [Siobhan] Yes, exactly.
- Welcome to Rosamund's bottleneck.
We put you to sleep and then
we auto-crit on all of you.
- We just sh**t you in your sleep.
- [Emily] I think I can. Maybe I'm wrong.
- What do you guys think?
I do have Sleep, but I
also have two spell slots
for healing, should we wait?
- I think you do it.
- Do what you will.
- I think whatever you
feel like you want to do.
- Sleep will take a lot of
them out, my assumption is,
depending on how you roll.
- Yeah, that's true.
For this turn, I'm just
going to run up here
and hide close to this side.
- [Brennan] Okay.
- So I'm going to do 5, 10,
15, 20,
25, 30,
and I'd love to hide in
between these little-
- [Brennan] Give me a stealth check.
- Okay.
Okay.
That's a 7 or a 10, depending
on if this is a 6 or a 9.
Don't look at it! It's a six, okay?
It's a seven, I'm sure of it.
- Mother Goose, you
scamper up the hillside
and make loud noises as
you step through the debris
on top of the hill and
attract the attention
of a number of the animated constructs.
- Incredible, okay, and
then I would like to...
I'm right here, right?
- [Brennan] Yes.
- [Ally] Is that person 60 feet from me?
- Yes, they are within 60 feet.
- Okay, so just, I guess
this barrel right here,
they look beefier.
If they look at me, I would like to go,
I'm very disappointed in you,
and cast Vicious Mockery on them.
- Vicious Mockery is an
action, unfortunately,
and you've used your
action to attempt to hide.
- Oh, okay.
- You can bonus action Healing Word
if you want, if you have Healing Word.
- I have Healing Word, but
does it count as a spell slot?
- Yeah.
- Yeah, I mean,
I was thinking of trying
to use Cure Wounds,
because it just heals for
more, because it's a d8.
- I don't have many hit points.
Healing Word would cure me, but also,
you only have two spell slots.
- Yeah.
- I think you're right.
- Do whatever.
- Yeah, for the first
round, yeah. Okay, cool.
- A belief that there will
be many more rounds to come.
Back to the top of the order.
These smaller objects are going to go.
One of them triggers your
reaction immediately.
- Yeah!
Does a 19 hit?
- A 19 does hit.
- Thank god.
- Ylfa's bottleneck!
- Only rolled a two,
but two plus three plus another two
becomes seven, seven damage.
- Nice.
- Seven damage to this object, incredible.
- He dies, right?
- This object looks badly
injured but does not die.
- A 2 on a 12. It happens.
- Your ax sails, thunk,
into the side of this animated construct,
and he will take a swing at you now.
- Okay.
- [Brennan] Bum bum bum.
- That's right, we get a little messy
here in the bottleneck.
- Swing and a miss against Ylfa.
- Yes!
- Thank god.
- Oh, lord.
- This one's going to-
- [Murph] Red, you absolute tank.
- Charging over here.
- [Lou] Ylfa's bottleneck, come on.
- [Murph] Oh my god, Ylfa's
bottleneck! f*cking badass.
- This one's going to come up here,
but some of them have heard Mother Goose
and are going to start to-
- [Ally] They can get up?
- This low gradient here,
all of that counts as
difficult terrain for them,
so this one actually
can only sort of thump
half the way up, as does this one here.
One, two, three, four, five, six, seven.
This one is going to start
to rush up this way as well.
That's some more swings
against Ylfa.
That one is going to hit.
Ylfa, you take three halved to one damage.
(Emily cackles)
- I spit my own blood in his face.
Careful, lycanthropy's contagious!
- The barrel human's like, no!
- And then you see a
barrel polearm wielder
is going to reach over his allies
to swing at you one last time.
- If he misses, does he
accidentally hit his friends?
- He does not accidentally
hit his friends,
because he does miss.
All of you see, standing in the
canyon between the hillocks,
Little Red Riding Hood just snarling.
There's even a little bit of luminosity.
The yellow from Red's eyes
is almost partially illuminating
the canyon in front of her.
- [Emily] I'm in my element.
- Oh my god.
- Pib, you're up.
- sh*t, f*ck. f*ck.
- A bunch of cowards.
- You're just watching a
little girl get beat up.
- A bunch of cowards
and the bravest little girl in the world.
It's very fitting for your fairy tale.
Someone's like, don't stray.
You're like, I'm sure
it can't be that bad.
- Just diseased cow guts.
- [Ally] Yeah.
- f*ck, sh*t.
Can I stand up and just kind
of get a better look at this?
- Get a better look. Get a better look.
- [Lou] Get up there, man.
- 5, 10, 15,
20, 25, 30.
- Jump in.
- Wait, is that right?
What's the distance to this horse?
- 5, 10, 15, 20, 25, 30.
- [Lou] That's the guts, baby.
- [Siobhan] Just going horse to horse.
- [Ally] Just going from carcass
to carcass, you little f*ck.
- Will I take a bunch of
swings of opportunity if I run?
- Most assuredly, yes.
- Dude, you got eight hit points, dude.
- Dude, you're set.
- You're set.
- This is buttoned up.
- Is it buttoned up?
- What if you attacked the polearm guy?
- I don't want to attack anybody.
- Totally fair.
- I will say this.
As a scoundrel, as you're
considering what to do,
you do know that up here,
you would be able to attack
with advantage on anyone
down in the canyon,
and they would have
disadvantage against you,
with the exception of
any polearm wielders.
- Oh sh*t, really?
- Yeah, yeah.
Just, like, at a certain point I'm like,
do we even try to attack
these guys at all?
I'm looking, how many
attacks of opportunity
would it be if I go to this horse?
- You would take three.
- That's not great.
- It's not great,
especially because I have
eight health total.
- Yeah.
Could you disengage and get in the boat?
- But I don't think I could hide after.
Well, that's interesting.
- But maybe they wouldn't be able
to reach you if you're in the boat.
- But I think she could
see me in the boat.
- [Siobhan] True.
- Okay.
- I will say this.
If you took the disengage action, right,
if you go all the way to here,
you would sprint forward,
get on the other side of the boat,
and from where she's hovering in the air,
she would have to move to be
able to cast a spell on you.
- Okay. Okay.
- Anvil guy could attack
you though, right?
- Oh yeah, you would be fully exposed
to any of the constructs.
- And that's if anyone hits you.
You could try to go through
and not get hit by the three
and then hide, and that's dream scenario,
but if someone does hit you,
then you can do disengage.
- If I get knocked down there,
I think I'm just dead, right?
- Would you k*ll a cat?
I know you k*lled a lot of
dogs, but would you k*ll a cat?
- Only one way to find out.
- Is there a way for you
to take a slightly longer
path and get to the horse
and only get an attack from this guy?
Can't you, if you went around?
- [Zac] Yeah, if I went to the right.
5, 10. I'm so small.
- [Brennan] Yes,
actually, that is correct.
You could angle your...
5, 10,
15, 20,
25, 30.
Yeah, you could absolutely do that.
- I'll take one attack from that box
and then dive into the horse.
- Smooth.
- f*ck!
I don't even know these people that well.
- Gerard, I'll tell you right now,
I know right now Pib is out
there, he's on the move.
- I just see the kid out
there fighting everyone.
- I'm absolutely f*cking toast.
- Pib, you leap out of
the horse, rush over.
That sort of box takes a wild swing.
You can see that because
of the angle of the box,
he has to crane his
neck, so he only sees you
at the last minute because
he's forced to bend over.
Swings with a saber. You rush forward.
Give me your stealth check.
- Okay.
- [Lou] He missed?
- [Brennan] Missed. Missed
on his attack of opportunity.
- 17.
- 17. You rush forward.
You feel like you're not going to make it.
You go to dive into that, and
it's actually not a horse.
It's a mule, interestingly enough.
- Good.
- Good?
- Oh, good.
You touch its tummy and find
that even though it's covered
in entrails, you can't enter its body,
and so sort of slide over
it and hide behind it.
The mule, its eye
twitches and looks at you.
- f*ck.
- You see it goes, what the
f*ck are you doing here?
- What are you doing here?
- You recognize this.
- Do I know you?
- Give me a history check with advantage.
- Is it Donkey from "Shrek"?
- (Shrek impression) Is it Donkey?
- Donkey!
- (Shrek impression) Get out of my swamp.
- 22.
- You look and have no idea
how this has come to pass.
This donkey is very much
alive and is feigning dead.
It's clearly covered
itself in the entrails
of the dead cows and
other animals around here.
You are looking at the mule
that was given to the miller's second son.
- You're Ricard's mule?
- I am Ricard's mule.
What are you doing here?
- What the f*ck? I don't know!
- Stop using me to hide. They'll k*ll me!
- Listen to me. Do you want
to make it out of here alive?
- Yes. Are these your friends?
- Which ones? The barrels
and sh*t, or what?
Listen to me, you idiot.
Get ready to move, and I will be back.
- As you have this pitched
conversation with this mule
that you have not seen
in many years hiding here
amidst the battle, we're going to move on.
That is your turn. 17 stealth check.
Rosamund, that's going to be you.
- If I jump over to this tree next to me,
will this bed give me full cover against-
- Actually, it will
give you partial cover.
It will take you, if you jump to that bed,
if you make the successful
acrobatics or athletics
to get to the bed, you
will be out of the range
of everything but polearms
and ranged weapons,
and even against polearms,
because they'd have to be
directly underneath you,
you wouldn't have total cover,
but you would have the next best thing.
You'd have basically a plus
five to your armor class.
- So what I'm thinking, actually,
instead of being on the bed,
there's a branch right here,
so I would use the bed as cover.
- [Brennan] Okay.
- So I could still sh**t
these guys down here,
I just would be out of her range.
- Gotcha, gotcha, gotcha.
You want cover against her.
- [Siobhan] Yes.
- Cool.
In that case, I'm going
to go ahead and say
that because you're not jumping as far,
that's actually a lower DC.
I'm going to need a DC 10
athletics or acrobatics check.
- Great.
- You got this.
- Yeah, I got that. Dirty 20.
- Nice.
- And then,
I will shout to the little guys
in Ylfa's bottleneck, why are you sh**ting
at a little girl, you weird creeps?
And do I sh**t with advantage,
because I'm on high ground?
- [Brennan] Yes, you will
be sh**ting with advantage.
You have the high ground.
- Great.
I'll sh**t the poleax
guy, the polearm guy.
- Nice. Smart, smart, smart.
- [Brennan] Cool.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah. That's a 25 to hit.
- That is definitely going to hit.
You are sh**ting against-
- That guy.
- Number two, great.
- Yeah.
I'm going to reroll that
because I have the Piercer feat.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Oh, that's so much better.
That's an 11 damage to him.
- [Brennan] 11 damage,
incredible, to number two. Thunk!
He's, bum bum bum, hold on.
- 11 damage doesn't do it?
- 11 damage does not drop him,
but it is going to make us roll
a new game mechanic.
- Ooh. Uh-oh.
- Hold on one moment.
- Morale check.
- [Brennan] Morale check!
- We're routing them,
dude. We're routing them.
- Yes, make them run.
- They k*lled one of our barrels!
- [Zac] Run!
- He was the strongest of us all!
Because, in the times of the Neverafter
combat is a always
frightening proposition,
you have taken away
more than half of his remaining hit points
in a single strike, in a single blow.
As a result of that,
he needs to make a
constitution saving throw
or he will take a level of exhaustion.
- [Siobhan] Great.
- However, what's that?
- Can it happen to us too?
- It can happen to you too.
- Is that what this is?
- No, you don't have to worry about that.
That's something else.
- I don't have to worry about it?
Brennan, I'm really worried about this!
- Here's a little red
bead. Don't worry about it.
- Don't worry about it!
- Don't worry about it.
It's the color of blood.
- Oh, you failed your throw?
Get a red bead. Don't
worry about it, g*dd*mn.
- Didn't you do this, though, to someone?
- No, remember, I rolled poorly,
so it was probably only seven.
He probably has more than 14.
- Right into the base
of this thing's neck,
your arrow thuds, dealing
11 points of damage.
That is your turn,
and you have cover against
the Fairy Godmother.
- I'm wondering, Emily, if-
- I have a plan, yeah.
- Great, yeah, because I'm just thinking,
these guys are all barrels.
If they die and turn back into barrels,
we can basically build this
into a barricade is what I'm thinking.
- I don't really work with a barricade.
- [Siobhan] Great.
- I'm here to try to draw
them all deeper here.
- Sweet, great, good to know.
- Incredible. Ylfa, that's
going to be your turn.
- So I think I'm going to
I'm gonna...
bite my lip,
dig deeper into it, just taste the blood,
feel the feral instincts bubble up in me,
and can I shift again for
more temporary hit points?
I have two per long rest.
I'm assuming the AC doesn't stack,
but could I get more temporary hit points?
- Effectively go out and go back?
- No no no, I wouldn't be ending it.
I just would shift again.
I'd just burn my final shift.
- I'll do a little rule consult here.
Let me just double check.
I think that should be totally fine.
If we go down to your...
Whenever you shift you
gain, once per short rest
as a bonus action, you can
assume a more bestial appearance.
This transformation lasts for one minute,
until you die, or until...
Now, once per short
rest as a bonus action.
- Okay, so I can't. Okay, then never mind.
All right, not much to do here,
but I'm just going to attack
the guy that's right in front of me.
- [Brennan] Go ahead and
give me an attack roll.
- Does a 12 hit? Probably not,
I'm going to use the bardic.
Does a 15 hit?
- 15 hits.
- Okay, okay.
- Nice.
- Oh boy.
- That's 11 damage.
- Red, what does it look like
as you finish this barrel in front of you?
- I think that I sink my ax into it.
Does it revert into its
human form or something?
- Unfortunately no, it just
collapses to the ground
twitching and creaking.
- Okay, then I just sink my
ax into this twitching barrel,
and then will that buy me
a chance to run backwards
to get out of her line of sight?
- Yes, but you'll take
one swing of opportunity
just from this one right
here, but that will be it.
- Swing of opportunity?
- Mm-hm.
- Yeah, I mean, I was
never going to not go down
in this fight, so yeah, I think
I sink it in and I'm like,
come with me if you want to play.
- [Brennan] All right.
- [Emily] I'm 12 years
old and I love to play.
- That's going to be another five
halved to two points of damage.
- Okay, and then I basically
want to walk back here.
Would this give me cover from her?
- [Brennan] Yes, all the way to there
would get you out of
line of sight for her.
- Okay.
- How many hit points
is Ylfa at right now?
- Ylfa now has, you said
it was three or two?
- Two.
- Two? Then I'm down to seven.
- Okay, you move back down that point.
That is going to be the
Fairy Godmother's turn.
- Ay yi yi.
- Fairy Godmother is
going to take two attacks
against Sleeping Beauty,
who has very smartly moved to cover.
Attack number one.
- Miss it.
- Natural one.
- Yes, thank you.
- Number two.
- Miss it.
- Also a miss.
However, you see that she
(Brennan whooping shrilly)
swings her magic wand around.
Sparkles emanate from
it twice in two blasts,
and the bed up in the
tree that you hide behind,
both blasts hit the bed,
and you hear something
inside the mattress scream.
- Oh no.
(Brennan shrieks)
- As the bed begins to
come to life in the tree.
- Goddammit, I knew that
this sh*t might come alive.
- Moving on from there.
- Can I actually, though,
have maybe jumped up here so I can do
that attack with advantage thing?
- You moved back.
I don't see any reason
why you couldn't do that.
I will say this, you
don't have enough speed
to go all the way around the
loop-the-loop to get up there,
so what I would say is
if you want to give me
an athletics check as
part of your movement,
just hit a DC 10 athletics
and you'll be fine.
- That does kind of
mess up your bottleneck.
- You think so?
- They could surround you now.
I mean, yeah, right?
- Okay, then I stay here.
- [Brennan] Mm-hm.
- [Emily] Never mind.
- You move back, sort of beckoning them
to keep coming after you.
The Fairy Godmother misses you twice.
You see she looks and says,
don't you want the kind
of life I can provide?
- No, actually, because my true
love is going to come along
and provide the life that
I need, thank you so much.
- They've taken your true love from you.
- No, no, he's coming.
- Then why did his face change?
And you see that she is
going to end her turn.
- How did she know?
- [Brennan] Continuing
to rise into the air.
- Pinocchio?
- Yeah?
- What do we do about that?
(Lou stammering nervously)
- Can you throw me?
- Gee.
Yeah, I mean...
- I'm light, you're strong.
- Yeah, Pinocchio, that's
going to be your turn.
- Have you thrown children before?
- Eh.
- [Siobhan] How many
children have you thrown?
- No.
- Okay, well.
- [Murph] Okay, yeah, let's go.
- We're still on team extraction!
- Team extraction. Should we go together?
- Should we go together?
How close are we in the initiative order?
- You're back to back. You
could go on the same initiative.
- All right!
Okay, well, my plan is
to full dash all the way,
and then my mom gave me
some powers to survive and stuff.
- Okay.
- [Lou] So I'm going to
hit her with one of those.
- Okay.
- And then we just got to-
- Figure it out.
- We just got to get up in her face.
- Okay, yeah.
- Just let her know what's good.
- All right.
- Okay.
- Okay.
- Charge!
- Okay, Pinocchio.
- Are you ready to go?
- No. No!
- Come on, Gerard!
Are you ready?
- You go! I'm following!
You go! Go, go!
- We're going together!
- You go! I'm a little bit behind you!
(Lou and Murph shrieking)
- Pinocchio goes screaming
out from behind the hill.
Okay, you're going to move
a full 30 feet, right?
- [Lou] I'm going to
go a full 60 over this,
through this area, if I can.
- [Brennan] Okay, so
we'll go 5, 10, 15, 20.
25 is there.
- [Lou] Okay.
- You have more movement left,
but are you trying to
do anything athletic?
This is almost more
than difficult terrain.
If you wanted to use an action
to climb into the tree, you could do that.
There would be an athletics
or acrobatics or something.
- I could climb into the
tree, but there's no way
I make that jump, right,
from the tree to her.
- In no world.
- [Lou] In no world.
- I wonder if the two ranged people
should just start hitting this woman.
- I mean, yeah.
Okay, well, in the name
of staying with Gerard,
I do think I'm going to swing around.
If I can't charge through,
if that looks like too much going on,
I think I'll try and run away
from what I believe to be
the table's swing range of five
feet and try and cut across.
- [Brennan] Are you going to cut
towards the road or through this path?
- [Lou] Cut towards the road.
- [Murph] Do you want to
just take a different path?
Because you were here,
so maybe go that way.
- [Brennan] 5, 10, 15, 20, 25,
30. That's where you end up.
- 30? Okay, I'm going to go a full 60.
- [Brennan] Okay.
- And then, bonus action, hex her.
- Okay.
- Nice.
- [Brennan] So we're going
to go 5, 10, 15, 20, 25, 30.
You get right here.
- [Lou] Okay.
- If there's something
you- If you want to,
if you see any other
structures around here
that are of interest or note to you
that you want to interact with, you can.
If you want to leap onto a platform
or jump somewhere else or do whatever.
- Just to get some cover, I guess.
- Just to get any sort of...
If I go five feet back,
will you let me tuck
in next to that table?
- [Brennan] Here?
- [Lou] Yeah, exactly.
- Sure, you can just tuck in right there.
And you're going to hex?
- I'm going to hex the Fairy Godmother.
- I believe there's no save against this.
- No, there is not.
I choose her strength, so
she'll have disadvantage
on all ability checks made with strength.
- Gotcha. You move up.
What does it look like when
Pinocchio summons this magic?
- I imagine it as being,
Pinocchio's mouth just opens,
and emanating out is not his voice,
but that of the Stepmother.
- [Ally] Would she recognize that?
- [Lou] Just dressing down this woman.
- Pinocchio, your mouth opens up.
I think only Gerard, you
actually haven't whipped
around the hillside yet,
so you can't see this.
Actually, this is hidden
from everybody right now.
But Pinocchio, your eyes go slack,
and appearing all over your body,
spectral, glowing strings
as your mouth opens
and all of you hear the
voice of an older woman go,
if it isn't the little slime
that took that serving girl
off my floor and made her a princess.
I'm going to see you dead tonight,
little fairy.
Poison.
Magic surrounds her.
You see she looks at you,
is not injured by the spell
in any way, but again, as
the stepmother says, die!
You see she screams, the Godmother,
(Brennan shrieks)
as magic pours out of your
mouth and surrounds her.
You feel that maybe you
have been led to this place
for reasons that Mother didn't share.
(Lou whimpering)
Incredible.
- You come up. You're like...
- [Brennan] Double move,
throw the hex down.
Gerard, that's you.
- Sweet. Just hide behind Pinocchio.
- Gerard, you move.
As you whip around the side,
you get your first glimpse of
the actual Fairy Godmother,
seeing her being moved by this spell.
She looks at you, and as she does,
you see something change suddenly.
(record scratches)
You're a little boy.
You're in the woods,
moving as fast as you can.
Her face, not green like now,
not with sunken eyes, appears before you.
Rude, rude little child.
Creatures like you need to learn manners.
You get smaller.
- No no no no no no no!
- [Brennan] You're back in this moment.
She does not see you, moving
within the battle as she is,
but within that, you have
seen this face before.
You didn't remember it.
It was when you were a child,
and you are once again
back here in this moment,
in this forest, and she appears.
- I keep with the plan. I'm
still following Pinocchio.
I just hit him. That's her,
she turned me into a frog!
- What?
- She turned me into a frog!
The first time!
- Really?
- Yes! We need to get that thing out!
- [Lou] Yeah!
- We need to get it out!
- Okay! I like this guy!
- Okay, double move.
That's where you run up.
- This is crazy.
- This is crazy.
- No, no, no, no, no!
The table followed me, the table!
- I'm not going to lie,
this is going to be a Box of Doom roll.
- No!
- No!
- [Lou] After that moment?
- Just looking at Pinocchio.
I was sort of, believe it or not,
I was kind of rude when I was a kid.
I was very conceited, sort of.
- Really, really? Okay.
- We figured it out
once I met my wife, when we got together.
- Your armor class is an 18,
which is very good.
- We're going to take her out.
We're going to take her out.
- 12 or higher is such bad news.
- No. It's not going to happen.
- Yeah! Yeah!
Oh my god!
- Gerard, you rush up behind Pinocchio.
Pinocchio, you found
this little sort of cave
under this broken piece of wood,
and have to yank Gerard underneath it
as this table roars, feathers
blowing out of its mouth.
- This is not the time for
process! We'll process afterward!
- This one sort of rushes past
over here, underneath the fairy.
This one is going to come and swing.
You have cover, though,
underneath this. Partial cover.
But this table's going to move
and try to trample you as well.
Does that hit? I believe it does, yes.
Pinocchio, you take nine points of damage.
- Cool, man. Sick, sick, sick, sick.
- Where are you at?
- I'm at a cool two.
- So, more than half of your hit points.
I'm going to need a DC 10
constitution saving throw.
You may sustain an injury from this.
- Okay. What happened to the barrel?
The barrel was okay,
right, guys? Constitution?
- Constitution saving throw.
- Plus three.
That's a six.
- You are kicked by this
animated hay bale behind you,
and a joint in your
back of your wooden body
is smashed apart and one of your arms
falls to the ground in front of you.
- Are you all right?
- That's never happened before.
(Brennan wheezing menacingly)
- Hay falls out of this thing's mouth.
Gerard, any bonus action
from you? Are you all done?
- I think there's nothing I can do.
- And Hex is concentration or no?
- [Lou] It is concentration,
so I need to roll for that.
- [Brennan] Roll for that.
- So I need, what, I just took nine?
- [Brennan] So just a DC 10.
- I haven't been good at that.
- All right.
- 16. Still hexed.
- You don't lose, and from that point on,
you will now have disadvantage
on ability checks.
- Great. Ability checks.
- That's not saving throws.
- Ability checks. That's
not saving throws.
That's them. The rest of
these are going to go.
Ylfa's bottleneck.
- [Ally] Yeah, honestly great.
- [Murph] Oh my god.
- [Siobhan] Really, really great.
Oh my god.
- I should get a velvet rope
for Ylfa's bottleneck, it's popping.
- [Ally] Ylfa's bottle service.
- [Emily] Bottle service
in the bottleneck.
- These things begin to charge
further up the hillside.
- Tim!
- Crawling as fast as they can.
Ba ba ba.
Surging forward, and some
of them will take, actually,
a double move just to get as
far as they can this turn.
As they do so, ah!
Everyone's falling down!
Okay, moving forward
at this breakneck pace,
bottleneck continuing over
there, what will now happen,
and Pib, you're actually
all the way over here.
- [Zac] Oh yeah, sorry.
- That's going to be all of them.
Mother Goose, that's your turn.
- Okay.
It's so funny that I picked right here,
because this is just a
big table full of plates,
and I imagine Mother Goose
being like, clang clang!
Everything's breaking,
scrambling up this f*cking
dumbass table to hide.
Okay, recalculating. I'm
going to run back this way.
I would just love to be running
around the back part of
this hill towards Ylfa,
just so that I can get close and just be
kind of on healing with
these two, team distraction.
- Sure.
- But I would love to go 5, 10,
15, 20,
25, 30,
and be hiding behind this.
- Sure.
- And just be right there.
- [Brennan] Right there, perfect.
That's 30 feet of movement.
- And then I would like to hold my action.
- [Brennan] Okay, holding
your action to do what?
- To send a message to the fairy,
to message the fairy,
which is a 120 range.
- [Brennan] You got it.
You ready your action.
- I can't wait to hear this message.
- [Brennan] You ready your action
to message the Fairy Godmother.
- [Emily] Okay, okay,
I know everyone wants
to get into Ylfa's bottleneck,
but wait your turn!
- [Brennan] Okay.
- [Emily] I promise the drinks
will still be cold once you get in.
- That's one miss.
- We love that.
- That's another miss.
- Mwah.
- I'm a f*cking werewolf.
- That's a hit.
Six halved to three damage.
- What kind of weapon hit me?
- A polearm.
- Grab it, take it out of my furry flesh.
- How many hit points do you have left?
- Four.
- Not half of your
remaining hit points, okay.
You feel just this blood
pumping through you.
You're overheated, but
you also somehow can feel
the cooling of the blood
evaporating on your hot body,
like the wind cooling you down.
It's this wild rage,
this mania of violence,
and I think you can start to feel
almost like a second
heartbeat in your body.
All you can hear is the blood
thumping in your own ears.
- This is trippy.
- The rest of these little ones
can jump up here, double move.
- Okay, double move.
- Double move, double move.
- [Lou] Okay, one more
turn. One more turn.
- [Ally] You're a pinata, but that's okay.
- [Siobhan] That's fine,
I can sh**t and then move.
- [Brennan] Move up here,
climbing on top of the wreckage.
- [Ally] Where are you at?
- That is going to be...
Puss, that's you.
- Okay, I talk to Ricard's.
- You see he looks at you, says, Alphonse.
- [Zac] Alphose, listen.
- [Brennan] What?
- It's great to see you.
- Is it?
- [Zac] I don't know. I'm freaking out.
How long have you been laying here?
- Days.
- Okay.
Well, you're going to have
to stretch those legs soon.
- Why? What?
- Look around you.
- Okay.
- See where they are?
Now's the perfect time to run,
but first I have to do something,
and then I'm going to come back here,
and then you're going to
get us out of here, okay?
- Okay, if you say so.
- Get ready to move. Kind of
get stretched a little bit.
- I haven't moved in days.
- Well, it's time to move.
- You see he stretches a little bit.
- Okay.
f*ck, sh*t, damn.
- Team coward over here.
- Yeah, literally.
- When Pib snuck over and
watched for a little bit,
the Fairy Godmother said something
about wanting Cinderella to come back
to help her get the spear
out of her chest, right?
- Mm-hm.
- Okay.
So, I'm going to do,
with the tabaxi racial
feature, the feline agility,
I can double my speed for one turn
until I move zero feet again.
So I'm going to double move.
My walking and climbing
speed are the same.
- [Brennan] Okay.
- So I'm going to run up,
climb up the pumpkin.
- [Siobhan] Nice.
- To get face to face
with the Fairy Godmother.
I think I have enough speed to just-
- [Brennan] So 5, 10, 15, 20,
25, 30, 35, 40,
45, 50, 55, 60.
- [Ally] Yes.
- [Murph] Wow.
- [Siobhan] Nice.
- Unbelievable.
- Pib runs up, climbs up.
Miss Fairy Godmother!
Listen!
Are you in trouble?
- Give me a deception roll.
- Yeah baby, come on.
- That would be an 18. I'm here to help!
- I'm going to say right now,
this is how much the Fairy
Godmother adds to this roll.
- [Zac] Cinderella sent me!
- [Brennan] The princess
Cinderella sent you here?
- [Zac] Yes, to help you get that out.
- She wishes to heal me?
- [Zac] Yes.
- What a good little
cat you are! (cackles)
(Zac meows)
She appears to believe your words.
- Okay, we don't have much time.
The princess is so excited to meet you
and see you again and
restart this relationship,
just quickly, if you could,
I think the easiest way
to do this is you hand me
your wand and I can grab that.
- You've run up here.
You've used your action to
deceive her. It has worked.
- Okay.
- She is deceived.
- That is my action.
- That is your action to
do that, and moreover,
she is engaged in conversation with you.
Though she is deceived,
giving you her magic wand
will require a persuasion
check, so that is your turn.
She is looking at you, in conversation.
We are going to go to Rosamund's turn.
- Okay, I am going to once again
sh**t polearm guy by Ylfa.
- [Brennan] Cool.
- Or attempt to sh**t.
Nine plus six, 15.
- [Brennan] 15 hits.
- Great.
- Woo!
- And I'm going to reroll
that with the Piercer feat.
That's so much better. That's nine damage.
- Rosamund, what does it
look like as the second arrow
hits the polearm construct
down at the base?
- I mean, I'm assuming just the barrel
sort of crumbles around him.
- You hit one of the iron
bands around the barrel, ping!
And a nail flies out of it.
All the slats collapse,
his arms and head separated
from his legs, tumbling
down to the ground.
- Great, and then I'm going
to climb down that way.
- Okay, DC 10 acrobatics
or athletics check.
- Six.
- You stumble out of the tree,
take one point of damage,
but you go prone at the base of the tree.
- Okay, can I get up from prone?
- Yes, it will cost half your movement.
- I mean, I don't...
I mean, we've been
traveling in this forest
for more than an hour.
- [Brennan] Yeah, for sure.
- So I don't experience difficult terrain.
- Of course, no difficult terrain for you.
However, you still use half your movement
to get up from prone.
- Okay, that's fine.
So I'll just move as
far as I can, I guess.
- That's going to be 15
feet down the hillside?
- Down and towards Ylfa.
- Okay.
5, 10, 15, right here.
Cool, amazing, okay.
Rosamund, you leap out of the tree,
stumble a bit coming down.
Ylfa, that's going to be you.
- I have a question.
If I were to grapple one of these guys,
could I use them like a human shield
and get essentially half
cover or something like that?
- I'll allow it, yeah.
- And would a grapple
count as an attack, so
I could stay in rage?
- Yes.
- Okay, so what would that
give me? What's half cover?
- Half cover would be, hold on.
- Plus two AC?
- Yes, I believe so.
- I think I'm going to take that risk.
I think that the better thing would be
to make it harder for them to hit me.
So yeah, I think I'm just going to grapple
one of these guys and use
him like a human shield.
- You grapple one of the
ones right in front of you.
The number you're trying to beat is a 14.
- I got a dirty 20.
- Hell yeah.
So you grab this little
barrel dude in front of you.
You see he goes... (groans in displeasure)
- You're on my team now, b*tch!
- [Brennan] You swivel him
around to give you partial cover.
- [Ally] Barrel service!
- [Brennan] Barrel service.
- All available at Yfle, Ylfa....
I give up.
- Evila!
(Lou stammering)
- Then does he have disadvantage
on attacks against me,
because he's grappled?
I don't know enough about
these mechanics, sorry.
- Does he have the-
- I figure if three people can
hit me, if I have higher AC
and one has disadvantage,
that could be a good thing.
- Sorry, run that by me one more time.
- Does someone that you're grappling
have disadvantage on attacks against you?
- No, unfortunately.
- Okay, that's fine.
- He's going to be swinging on you
and trying to get you off,
so you've basically said,
this one guy gets to fight me
but everybody else has to deal with-
- Okay, great.
- As the Fairy Godmother
is speaking to you,
she is still hexed, and
she doesn't want to be.
- She's vexed about being hexed?
- Vexed about being
hexed, as you could say.
She is going to fire twice at Pinocchio.
- Mid chat?
- Mid chat.
- [Emily] She's multitasking.
- Multitasking.
- [Siobhan] He's coming for you.
He's coming for your freaking a*s, dude.
Is this friendship? You
guys work out together, man.
- She's going to roll damage.
This is 1d10 radiant damage.
- [Lou] Anything but a one.
- Oh, come on.
- Anything but a one.
That's an eight.
- That's not a one.
- [Brennan] I'm going to need
another constitution check
from you as well.
- That's an 11.
- You look and see as you sit there,
your mouth issuing this magic forward,
she turns around, whips
this magic wand and says,
magic was never yours, magic is ours!
Swings the wand, and Pinocchio,
you drop. The hex ends.
Pinocchio is at zero hit points.
- [Murph] Pinocchio, wake up!
You have to do the thing, the plan!
- [Ally] No!
- [Brennan] Gerard, that's you.
- All right, Gerard.
I step out from under the thing.
Un-frog me!
And then I'm going to try to run.
There's the table there, can
I try to use the table guy?
- Jump on the table?
- To try to grapple
her, to grab the thing?
- Oh my god!
- We're going to get our
little jump calculator out,
and we're going to see what it takes.
- [Ally] Step on his
lungs, his pillow lungs.
- Okay, what's your strength score, Murph?
- [Murph] 16.
- 16, okay.
I don't believe you have any things
to help your movement
or help jumping at all.
- He's a frog!
- He's a freaking frog, dude.
- With a running start, your high jump
is six feet off the ground,
but you have the extra stuff here.
I will say we'll call it
a DC 20 athletics check to get
the lift you need to take a
swing on the Fairy Godmother.
- [Murph] Cool.
- Gerard, I believe in you.
- That requires me to roll a 15.
- You can do that. Oh my
god, easy, in your sleep.
Everybody knows how
good you are at rolling.
- Can I try to combo something before his
to try to make his roll
easier with my message?
- You have a reaction ready.
You have a readied action,
so yeah, go for it.
What does your message say?
- I was going to look at her and message,
sister, they've gathered the
mice and they're attacking!
Get low!
- Give me a deception check.
- Okay, my deception is plus four.
16.
- She immediately drops five feet,
and your DC now drops to 15.
- Okay.
- Okay, so it's just a 10.
- It's just a 10.
- I can do that.
- Oh my god, so easy.
- [Brennan] 55% chance.
- Lot of numbers over 10.
- The stats are with me.
- So many numbers over 10.
- The stats are with me!
- Oh my god!
- I can do it.
f*ck, I rolled a five.
- Oh my god! No!
- The only things, like, legs
just surprisingly un-froglike.
I shall use your curse against you, witch!
Ah!
My ACL!
- Your human calves.
- My human calves!
I didn't stretch!
- A guy in full chain
mail attempts to leap,
falls short, bam, hit the deck.
You've used your movement,
but you have an action.
- God!
Well, I have no dex, but I
have a longbow. Could I just-
- Yeah, take out a longbow and sh**t her.
- All right, I scramble
and fall and just, ah!
- Pib is just watching this like, my guy.
- Yeah, I'll just sh**t at her.
I have a plus zero to this attack.
Nine.
- [Brennan] Nine does not hit.
- sh**ting up her skirt.
- Nine does not hit.
- Yeah, I know.
Yeah, no, I know.
- For sure, for sure, for sure, for sure.
- [Siobhan] Add it to the Murph museum.
Murph's museum of bad turns.
- We have a new installation.
- I honestly have an ability
that can add to saving throws,
but I did so bad with
the five on the jump.
If I had gotten an eight,
I could've passed that.
(Emily grunting feebly in
imitation of Gerard's failure)
- You don't have bardic?
- Another swing at Ylfa and a miss.
- My AC's 19 now!
- Oh my god, incredible.
- Incredible.
- Brick shithouse.
- [Brennan] Unbelievable.
Here, and close on...
Use a double movement to get over here.
Doesn't have an attack or action,
but gets over in front of Mother Goose,
and Gerard, both these
tables are coming for you.
- Yep. Yeah now that, that adds up.
- Sorry, the hay bale and the bed
are both coming for Gerard.
- If everyone could stop, I'm
trying to get a good shot.
- Pib, what's your strength?
- Oh, it's not good at all.
- Okay, okay. Sleight of hand?
- Pretty good.
- Good? Okay.
- You are hit twice, Gerard.
You take first nine points of damage.
- Cool, four HP left.
- Give me a constitution saving throw.
- That's a nat one.
- Take a level of exhaustion.
- Great.
- You then take 16 points of damage.
- What?
- I'm dead.
- Dead dead?
- Dead dead?
- No, one away from dead.
- Oh boy.
- Because I was at, wait,
what was the first attack?
- Nine.
- Nine and then 16.
- Nine? Okay, so nine puts me at four HP.
16, okay, I'm still alive.
- By one.
- By one.
- Don't do that to me, Murph.
- Gerard drops.
- You're alive by one, though.
- Yes. No, no, no, I was
almost k*lled outright.
- Got it. Double.
- The frog prince drops.
- Jesus.
- Oh my god.
- [Lou] One member of
team extraction remains.
- Okay, okay, okay.
- f*ck, sh*t, goddammit.
- Tell my wife that I did cool stuff
so that she loves me again
and I turn into a human,
and then bury me as a human.
- Mother Goose, that's your turn.
- Okay, I would like to, as my action,
disengage from the person in front of me.
- [Brennan] Okay.
- [Ally] 5, 10, 15, 20,
25, 30, up on this hill.
- [Brennan] Okay.
- And bonus action Healing Word to Red.
- Okay.
- Thank you.
- For, this is going to be...
Two plus four, six.
- Yes!
- Nice.
- [Ally] And that's my turn.
- Mother Goose, you sprint away,
taking the disengage action.
You move to the other hillside.
Okay, and with that,
we are back at the top of the initiative.
Pib, Gerard and Pinocchio
are both fallen, at zero.
Ylfa is still holding off down there.
Rosamund and Mother Goose
have both had to make
a retreat from the top of that hill,
and you have the full attention
of the Fairy Godmother.
- Before I try to make a persuasion check,
do you think it's okay if I
take an investigation check?
- Yeah, absolutely.
- I just want to parse
up close what's going on.
- Make an investigation
check for free, absolutely.
- That is a 21.
- Okay, 21.
A persuasion check for
something of this magnitude
will be made with disadvantage,
asking a spellcaster to
give you their arcane focus.
- Okay.
- Looking around you,
you see the Fairy Godmother
obviously here, hovering.
She's dropped by about five feet,
so she's right at your level,
maybe even a little bit below your level,
and things are looking bad over there
with the rest of your companions.
You know Alphonse is still lying
behind the other side of that boat.
On a 21 investigation check,
the shard is in her chest.
I think that what Pib would see
on that high investigation
roll is not an easy solution
for the situation in front of you.
I think you would see
a number of the paths
forward from here have
already shut at this point,
and only incredibly
risky options are left.
- So I was looking at
this, and I'm wondering,
I think Pib is wondering,
oh god, sh*t, f*ck, damn.
- The cursing cat.
- How injured does she look?
- Unfortunately, no one's
gotten a hit off on her.
- Right, but wasn't
she previously injured?
- You see that she has
a somewhat undead form,
but it looks to have congealed.
She's got the shard in her chest.
So unfortunately, at this
moment, she's totally uninjured.
- Undead but doing radiant
damage. I love the aesthetic.
- You do know that on a
21 investigation check,
she had an incredibly powerful spell
that she did right away
on Rosamund and Ylfa
that she didn't follow up with
an equally powerful spell.
You don't get the sensation
that this is an omnipotent being
in front of you, but unfortunately,
your situation has considerably
worsened during the fight.
Is there any other area
that you are sort of focusing
your investigation into?
- So the shard in her chest,
I'm a little tiny cat.
- [Brennan] Yes.
- Something that's very important
to note in this situation.
I'm little and I'm small.
Is this something I could use
sort of a sleight of hand check on,
or is it purely strength?
- Unfortunately, no.
Pinocchio's instincts were correct.
This is going to be a strength check.
- Your concentration's still up
even though you're dead though, right?
You're really concentrating?
- From the grave, I knew it!
- It's going to be strength
to get that thing out.
I'll also share the final game mechanic
that we're introducing
here in the Neverafter.
To more faithfully recreate the feel
of terrifying deadliness in
combat, I'll let you know
that on critical hits,
creatures need to make saves,
and if they fail that save
by a certain percentage
or by a certain amount,
they instantly die.
So every single attack bears
with it the possibility
of instantly k*lling
whatever you're fighting.
- Oh boy.
- Oh my god.
- That also applies to us?
- Yes.
- Okay.
- We just have to crit.
- We just have to crit.
- We just have to crit.
- We just have to crit.
- f*cking easy.
- We just simply need to crit.
- And she's a little lower. Do I hit her?
Do I try to take this thing?
I think Pib, even with disadvantage,
might go for the wand,
because I have eight strength,
meaning I have negative
one to pull something out.
- How strong is Mage Hand?
- 10 pounds.
Is the glass shard 10
pounds, less than 10 pounds?
- More than 10 pounds.
- Whoa!
- Pib, none of the options
in front of you are good,
but you do know which are the ones
that are most likely to work.
On that investigation check,
you know generally what the odds are.
- Okay, Pib looks around at
that, and is just going to say,
okay, well,
if just for but a moment
I could see your wand,
I can help you get this
shard out of your chest,
and then you can be reunited.
- Okay, I am going to need
a persuasion check with disadvantage.
- Right here?
- Do you want to know the DC before?
- Yeah, sure.
- 20.
- With disadvantage?
- [Lou] What do you need, two 15s?
- Yeah.
- Two 15s.
- He can do this. It's fine.
- I've seen crazier things.
- [Ally] Yeah, you can do this.
- [Lou] I've seen crazier things.
- Wait, wait, wait.
- Oh!
- That's a nine and a four.
- This is going to trigger
a need for another deception check.
This one you'll roll straight,
but this also still a DC 20.
- That is not it.
- You need my wand?
And the princess Cinderella,
is she nearby to help you in this matter?
- You know, she's on her way.
- She just wanted you to get started
so that by the time she got
here, we'd all be ready?
- Yeah.
- [Brennan] You have your movement left.
- Okay.
I am going to...
- Be brave.
- Hm?
- Be brave.
- In what way?
- She has ranged attacks, right?
- You could just jump on
her is what I was thinking.
- Oh my god.
- Just f*cking jump on her back.
- You've used your action
for these persuasion and deception checks,
and you have your movement.
- I want to see if I can, yeah,
get in the pumpkin.
- Okay, with your movement,
that's going to be fine.
You are not in melee range,
so you're going to be able
to absolutely just drop down
and get into that pumpkin.
- Ooh.
- Into the pumpkin!
- You rush inside.
Rushing inside, she begins
to scream and cackle.
(Brennan cackles)
With your fine boots,
don't you want to be a man?
- I don't really care about
being a man. That's his thing.
- You rush inside.
On your next turn, you will be
able to investigate in here.
- Okay.
- But you see that there are a number
of different bric-a-brac and other things
going on inside the pumpkin.
- Should've grabbed the f*cking shard.
- We are going to move.
Rosamund, that's your turn.
- Now I'm sitting here,
and I can't help but notice
that these little mushrooms
have windows in them.
- [Brennan] Oh, do some of them
have little windows in them?
Yes, they do.
- You being surprised by that...
- Doesn't fill you with confidence?
- Doesn't fill me with hope,
but I will ask it anyway.
Can I go and see
who's in this closest yellow mushroom?
- We're introducing a new game mechanic.
Each of the mushrooms has a family.
- Has a CR 12 ally inside of it.
- They're invisible sprites.
They can send people to sleep.
- Yes, I will tell you this
close to the Fairy Godmother,
these tiny fairy homes have
long since been abandoned.
- Damn, okay.
- There's not a solar in there?
- There is not a solar.
Slap Goldenhoard's mini
down on the f*cking table.
Incredible.
- She might not have that many hit points.
We should maybe just start hitting her.
- Yeah, maybe I'll...
Can I climb to where I
was in the beginning?
- [Zac] Like here?
- [Murph] Can't you see over, yeah.
- [Siobhan] That's a guy.
- Oh, that's a dude!
- Yeah.
- Hard to tell these days.
- Yeah, can I go to here,
sh**t at the Fairy Godmother,
and then jump back down again?
- Yeah, go ahead and just give me
a DC 10 athletics or acrobatics
to jump up and balance
there while you're firing.
- That's a nine.
- Nine is going to mean
that you leap up, stumble.
You are still on this side
of the bric-a-brac here.
- Okay, can I sh**t her from
there? Because it's still-
- Yeah, you can move around
the side and do that,
but it's going to leave you,
you're going to have to get
into the range of one of
the constructs, essentially.
- [Siobhan] Okay.
- To get a clear shot off
on her, or you could take
giving her some cover and
just fire from where you are.
- I only have three hit points,
so I think my best bet
is to sh**t from cover
and then move backwards.
- Okay, sh**t from cover, move backwards.
Go ahead and give me your attack.
- That's a 19.
- 19 is going to hit.
This will be our first hit
on the Fairy Godmother.
- I'm going to reroll the three. Why not?
- Hey!
- Yes, okay.
That's 12 damage to her.
- Nice.
- 12 damage.
Are you within 60 feet of her?
You are outside of range.
You do 12 damage to the Fairy Godmother.
- Yeah.
- Fairy Godmother is undead.
The arrow thuds into her.
(Brennan shrieks)
She screams out in pain.
She looks still wrathful, full of fury,
but clearly badly injured by that attack.
- Oh, wow.
- Yeah, that's what I was
saying, she's a spellcaster.
- She does not look battered,
she's got a lot of fight
left in her, but she
can't take those all day.
- [Siobhan] Great, let
me move back to here.
- [Brennan] There you go.
- Just so I'm out of the way
of these guys walking
through difficult terrain.
- That is now going to be Ylfa.
- Okay, I'm doing my thing.
Can I be grappling this person
and attack someone else?
- Can you be grappling this
person? I don't believe.
So here's the issue, you need both hands
to wield a greataxe, that's the issue.
- Okay, but if I have a battleax,
could I just whip out my battleax?
- Do you have a battleax and a greataxe?
- I mean, when we were
making characters, yeah,
I just took them both, why not?
But I'm fine if you say no.
- I'm going to rule in this instance,
I'm going to go ahead and
say if you want to swing,
you can either swing on the
person you're grappling.
If you want to swing on someone else,
you have to give up the grapple.
- You've got to give up the grapple.
- Okay, I guess I'm just going to swing
on the guy I'm grappling.
Oh my god. Does a 10 hit?
- 10 does not hit.
- Dang.
- That's fine, I actually
didn't want him to die.
- It's fine, you kind
of want him there, yeah.
- Because I wanted to the cover.
This was all part of my plan, you idiot.
- [Ally] Not trying to bust
the barrel that you're using.
- Who looks stupid now?
- The Fairy Godmother descends,
rushes into the pumpkin after you,
filling it with motes of light.
- Okay.
- She's going to take two attacks.
- With her wand?
- Yes, with her wand.
- [Zac] I'm behind a bed or something?
- I can give you some cover
if you want some cover.
- Yeah, I do.
- We just throwing out cover these days?
- Partial cover, plus
two to your armor class.
- Don't hate the cover. I need it.
- Make that 16.
- I need my human shield.
- 16. Things continue to
look grim, no pun intended.
She's got a plus-
- A little bit.
- Little bit of a pun?
- Be honest, a little bit.
- The key is that she misses me.
- She's got a plus six to hit.
Your effective armor
class right now is 16,
so she needs both of
these to be nine or lower.
A one and a 12.
- Okay.
- One hit. 1d10 plus four damage.
- Yikes.
- Over a four on the d10-
- Drops you. So you need
a one, a two, or a three.
- f*ck, f*ck, sh*t.
- [Lou] Team extraction.
- [Murph] Team extraction.
- [Ally] Team extraction!
- You take six points of damage.
- Wait, I'm still alive?
- You're still alive.
- Total! Total!
- I thought you rolled a six, good lord.
- You take six points of damage.
You have two hit points
left. Little kitty! (cackles)
And that is her turn.
- I have to make some kind of check?
- Yes, go ahead and give me
a constitution saving throw.
- That is 11.
- You succeed.
You see that she swings at
you, slashing across your fur
with her magic wand,
wielding it as a weapon,
motes of starlight.
(Zac yowls)
- I'm going to need a death
saving throw from Pinocchio.
- Come on, Pinocchio.
- Nat 20, dude.
Just pop back up.
- Oh yeah, nat 20!
- You get a nat 20,
then I'll get a nat 20.
- Yes!
- One nat 20!
- This is the moment!
- Box of doom! Box of doom!
- [Lou] This is the moment!
(all shouting over each other)
- Nat 20, nat 20!
- Yeah!
- Oh my god, it was for one second!
- Give it to him.
- Oh my god.
- Give it to him, dude! It was a two!
- So close.
- Was it positive, at least?
- [Emily] We should pop back
up on twenties and twos.
- No, it's a two.
- [Brennan] On twenties and twos?
- And twelves, anything with a two.
- Let's keep that energy
going! A nat 20's coming!
This is all buttoned up!
- [Lou] Gerard! Gerard!
- We got a nat 20 coming!
- 20!
- [Brennan] That's a
failure. That's a six.
- All right!
- Let's keep that energy going!
- [Emily] I think the dice
don't like that energy, guys.
- While we bring up the
next comic, everybody,
you know him from Adam DeVine!
Adam DeVine's party house!
- It's "Adam DeVine's House Party".
- Sorry.
- Hey, what's up, guys.
Sorry, I just wanted to correct real quick
before I do my set.
- I was actually on.
- Okay, now.
- I really believed for a second.
- I know. Hey, for a second, it was true.
- [Murph] I thought you
would pop up, but not me.
I knew that was...
- Pib, so much is on your little
kitten shoulders right now.
- Hey, we got three chances.
- I'm too little!
I'm too little and I'm too small!
- Oh no!
- What?
- [Ally] That's a crazy move.
- Double movement, not an
attack at the end of that.
- Rosamund, I feel like
you could still sh**t.
- That's what I'm thinking.
I mean, there might be cover.
- [Murph] Yeah.
- It might be a long range shot for me.
- [Brennan] And then
where's our friend the bed?
- [Siobhan] Next ASI, I think
I'm going to take sharpsh**ter.
I think I'd rather take sharpsh**ter over-
- [Murph] I think she's
still within range.
I think your problem is cover, probably.
- [Siobhan] Yes.
- [Murph] I think a longbow
shoots pretty damn far.
- The animated bed and
the animated hay bale
rush off into combat, that's them,
and then these more medium
sizes are going to go.
- sh*t.
- Oh damn.
- [Siobhan] sh*t, sh*t, sh*t.
- [Lou] When this fight
started, I honestly believed-
- [Brennan] Difficult
terrain, difficult terrain,
so only this one's going
to get a swing on you.
- [Murph] Jesus.
- Comes over here. Oops.
- [Lou] Solar!
- [Siobhan] My friend's house!
- [Zac] Who disturbs my mushroom?
- [Lou] I am awoken!
- [Siobhan] The old
gods will fight the new.
- Brennan, this is-
- [Siobhan] This is f*cked up.
- This is really f*cked up.
- This is really f*cked up.
- [Emily] We should've been attacking her.
- [Siobhan] This is going to
be a get out of jail free card.
- Wait, did that hay bale get to a place
where even for me to move,
I have to take an opportunity attack?
- Correct.
- [Siobhan] This is so f*cked.
- One's going to take a swing on Ylfa,
with that armor class of 19.
- 19, thanks.
- On a nat one, that's a miss.
- Yes!
- One person's doing good.
- I'm like a child with
their finger in the dam
being like, please guys, the
pressure is really building.
- Mother Goose, from the
hilltop, you see Puss in Boots
disappear, rapidly followed
by the Fairy Godmother.
You have not heard any noise
coming from Pinocchio or the frog prince.
You see Rosamund being descended on.
Before your turn, we're going to have
a swing on Rosamund here.
- Oof.
- 13 plus-
- [Ally] Plus what?
- [Emily] Minus two?
- [Brennan] 13 plus six.
- Yeah, that hits.
- That's a hit.
Rosamund, you take only
three points of damage.
- I'm down.
- You're down.
- [Lou] Mom's going to be so mad.
- Sleeping Beauty drops.
Mother Goose, it is your turn.
- Okay.
I would like to take the
disengage as my action,
which sucks, get up here, and
I can see them, you think?
- Line of sight, the Fairy Godmother
is blocking the doorway.
- No, I mean the two people who are down.
- Pinocchio.
- Oh sh*t.
Hold on, I actually am
going to do something insane
and move around the table
because this could change
the entire course of the combat.
- I mean, you know Gerard died
in a really ostentatious position.
- He can definitely
see Gerard, lengthwise.
- You can see Gerard.
- Healing Word.
(Murph wheezes)
So, my bonus action, Healing Word.
You get, yes! Seven points of damage.
- [Murph] Whoa!
- [Lou] Seven points of damage!
- [Ally] Then I'd love to use my movement.
- [Brennan] You're
going to need to give me
an athletics or acrobatics, by the way.
- [Ally] Okay.
- [Brennan] DC 10.
- Okay.
- Come on, Tim.
- Come on, Tim.
- Athletics.
- Come on, Tim.
- Come on, Tim!
- Okay, that is only, this is a nine?
That's a nine.
- That's a nine.
- 10 or, yeah, 10.
- Your acrobatics? 10.
You, old man, get up
there as fast as you can,
and you can get back down.
- Okay, great, so,
I'm just going to get to
probably the bottom of the hill.
- [Brennan] There, yeah, mm-hm, cool.
- Is there a way to have taken
an attack of opportunity?
- Oh my god, sorry, wait,
yeah, sorry, before Gerard...
Oh no, you took disengage, right?
- [Ally] Yeah.
- Yeah, okay.
Disengaged, moved, bonus action.
- That's probably all I can do.
If I had taken the attack of opportunity,
could I maybe have gotten
to this middle part
right here near the donkey?
- It's a mule!
- A mule.
- If you want to chance
the attack of opportunity,
I would let you do that.
- I'll chance it.
- Okay, that will negate the Healing Word.
- Then never mind.
- These things do a lot of damage.
- And you only have 11 AC.
- Okay, you make it there,
so that's where Mother Goose makes it.
Gerard, you're back up
with how many hit points?
- [Murph] Seven.
- Seven, okay.
- That's almost my entire health.
- Be a hero, Gerard.
- This is now the small objects go.
The one that's being grappled
by you, Ylfa, I think-
- Do you want to try and
get out of my grapple?
- He's going to attempt
to get out of the grapple
by shoving you, which is
going to just push you.
- [Emily] Is this opposed?
- This is opposed.
It's an opposed athletics
check. You need to beat a 12.
- Easily.
- Easily!
- Even with disadvantage, I would've.
- Easily, easily.
- On the dice.
- Okay, what else is around?
- That's right.
You're going to keep
taking my hits for me.
What is it? Is it a barrel?
- It is a barrel.
- Roll that barrel, b*tch.
- Barrel service, remember?
- [Emily] Barrel service, yeah.
- Barrel service!
- Sorry, I'm high status.
I need barrel service.
- Okay, another one's going
to take a swing on you.
That's going to hit. You take
eight halved to four damage.
Is that more than half your remaining HP?
- No, it is not.
- [Brennan] Wow!
- Thanks to Timothy, Mother Goose.
- [Brennan] How many spell
slots do you have left?
- We're done.
- We're done.
- I just have cantrips.
- We're done.
- [Brennan] Pib, that's going to be you.
- Can I just hop over here
and look inside the pumpkin?
- Yeah, so she's blocking
the doorway right now.
- k*ll her, Pib. k*ll her.
- That sucks.
- [Lou] Pib, crit.
- I don't even know where I-
- [Ally] Pib, crit!
- (Ally and Siobhan chant)
Pib, crit! Pib, crit!
- There's windows. You can
crawl up onto the ceiling.
- Okay. f*ck.
There's not stuff in here that
I should investigate, right?
Or does it seem like...
I kind of just can't really see
as a human being right now in there.
- You, Zac, the player.
- I think investigation,
you could investigate
right now if you wanted to,
but there is someone who's
really going to k*ll you.
- Yeah, and you're saying investigation
would take my action.
- Go ahead and give me
investigation with disadvantage.
- That's a nine.
- There are some things
of potential significance
or importance in here,
but you're in the midst of pitched combat.
- This is my life now.
This is where I'm at.
Pib is going to scramble up
with my 30 climb speed,
just go up top and try to drop
and get sneak attack by
attacking from above.
- Okay.
- [Zac] Would that do anything?
- Pib, a hero.
- Hell yes.
I will allow you, with that maneuver.
Now, here's the thing.
Doing that maneuver
will give you advantage,
which means you can add sneak attack.
The downside is, it will make you move
out of her threatened range,
because she ended attacking you.
So you get the attack of
opportunity if that happens.
- And let's just think
about this for one second.
I think I'm going to try it.
- Could you hold your attack,
and if someone bursts
in and distracts her,
then you could do this
and not have to do that?
- Right, wait for Gerard.
- [Ally] Because you got
Gerard right outside.
- Yeah, I'll hold my-
- You're going to ready an action
so that when you have someone flanking-
- [Zac] Yeah.
- Gotcha.
You won't have advantage,
but you will get sneak attack regardless.
- Yes, yeah.
- Cool, you got it.
You ready an action.
I'm going to need a death
saving throw from Rosamund.
- Come on.
- Nat 20.
- It's you, you're the one.
- Nat 20. We got this.
Bring the energy.
- Pop back up!
Pop back up, girl! We're due for one!
- That's a three.
- Failure.
- I think the dice don't like
when we bring this energy.
- Okay, next time we'll be sad.
- We will be stoic.
- We have quiet, sensitive
dice this season.
They're fairy tale dice.
- Red, it's going to be you.
- Okay.
Mother Goose, I think I need
to uncork the bottleneck,
because the princess is down,
and I think she's the key
to f*cking everything.
- I got your back, girlie.
You hear Timothy's voice.
Oh, I got your back, girlie!
- So I think what I want
to do is, if I'm grappling,
can I drag them with me?
- Yes, but you can only
go half your movement.
- If I'm dragging someone with me.
- [Ally] Slow and steady.
- f*ck me, how do I get to Rosamund?
I mean, it's all going to
come descending on me anyways.
Do I hold this? Do I just keep going?
Do I just stay the course?
- You might be about to be flanked
by the scary horse bale, too, so.
- And there's these two
polearm guys up here.
- Yeah, I know that.
- Okay.
- I almost would disengage and skedaddle,
and don't worry about me.
- Hide up in this tree or something.
- Well no, I mean, I
feel like I don't want
to draw attention to you, right?
If I run over to you, I don't
want to draw attention to you.
- Right, but if you-
- Maybe I'll just disengage
and join team extraction,
although then I would
just be bringing them all.
- You could run towards the tree.
- You could just keep dragging
everyone further and further
towards the end of the thing,
but I don't know if that's-
- If you could potentially
climb that tree,
I don't think any of these guys
are going to be good at climbing.
- Yeah.
Two, three...
Six, so I could get to the thing,
but then they'll all flank me,
but that's kind of what I need to do.
But I can only go half my
movement? All right, then.
And if I move backwards,
though, I still...
I think I just have to stay where I am,
and just let them descend on me,
because at least they're
not descending on you guys.
Okay, I take a deep breath,
and I let the girl fade
and the wolf take over.
- Yes!
- Hell yeah.
- Two heartbeats become
one, but a different one.
- Yeah, I steady my scared heartbeat
with that deep, calm one,
and I'm just going to attack
the person that I'm grappling, I guess,
because that's my only option.
Does a 13 hit?
- A 13 does not hit.
- I like it. Good.
I still have my human shield. All right.
I look up at this hay bale.
I look up at these guys with spikes.
I look up at everyone
ahead of me, and I just...
Yeah.
I'm ready.
I say, dam's about to burst,
and I'm gonna get f*cking wet.
I didn't even pack swim trunks.
- That's going to be the
Fairy Godmother's turn.
That's six damage
to Pib.
- I'm down.
- I will say, because
you had a readied action,
you can take a straight attack
if you want, in this moment,
just to keep things fair.
- Sorry, I think I
wouldn't have done that,
if I didn't realize that.
- One quick swipe.
- That's an eight.
- You come out with your
sword as she... (grunts)
You drop to the floor
inside of the pumpkin.
That is one attack from her.
She is going to use her movement
to move back out here.
- Goddammit.
- [Brennan] It's been a
long time, your highness.
- Yes, it is.
Are you happy about what's happening?
Because I already solved
your curse, your riddle.
This is cheating.
- No, I'm not happy. You
should be a handsome man.
- Yes, exactly! So what are you doing?
- I'm doing exactly that.
We're trying to set the
Neverafter to right, Gerard!
You foolish boy! And she
takes a swing at you.
That's a miss. That is a miss.
Okay, Pinocchio.
- Who even cares what happens here?
It doesn't even matter.
- It's not even a big deal.
- [Emily] I'm not giving it any attention.
- [Siobhan] Where do you
want to go for dinner today?
- Yeah, I don't know, yeah.
I got a bunch of stuff going on tomorrow
that I'm really nervous about, and...
- We'll be medium excited.
- Just right.
- We'll find a balance.
- Pinocchio, you obviously cannot bleed.
I think at this point
you become very afraid,
because there's a bunch of
rotting wood on this pile,
and you can see the bugs
already starting to move towards you.
Gerard, it's going to be your turn.
- All right, remember your forms, Gerard.
I'm going to bonus action second wind.
- Oh, incredible.
- Nice.
- Remember, Elody was always talking
about w*r and fighting
and stuff, what was she...
And then I would try to change the topic.
That's nine HP back. That's great.
That puts me at full.
- That's amazing.
- But I don't, my cup overflows.
All right.
Ah!
I just try to, because I do have
one level of exhaustion, right?
- Yes, that is correct.
- I was hit by that thing,
so I would roll an athletics
check with disadvantage
against her, and I don't
trust myself to roll.
- Do you come back from being
dead with exhaustion still?
Does it reset? We have
to ask, you have to ask.
- You have to ask.
- [Murph] You have to ask.
- We have to ask.
- Not unreasonable to ask.
- Yeah, if you go down.
- How do you you know if you don't ask?
- Because what is death
if not a mini sleep?
- But you weren't dead,
you were just unconscious.
If you had fully died and
come back, I'd reset it.
- Okay, I'm just trying to think
if I should go for the
shard or if I should attack,
because I don't think she's that hurt,
but me rolling with
disadvantage is so bad.
Can anybody help me?
- Yeah. I mean, yeah.
When do I go?
Unless I get absolutely
clobbered on my way over.
- I hit her for 12 damage.
Brennan said that she couldn't
stand too many of those.
- But she also, it wasn't
half her hit points.
- [Siobhan] Right.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay.
I think
I will-
- Maybe the moral of the story
is there's no good answers.
- Yeah, I'm just going to ready an action
to try to grab the glass out.
- [Ally] Nice.
- And if somebody gets to me, cool.
If I'm swarmed or something,
then I'll just go for
it with disadvantage.
- Mother Goose is here.
- Okay, so I just-
- You ready an action.
She's right in front of you.
You're in melee range,
you're readying an action
to do the athletics check
to pull the shard out.
- [Ally] Has this donkey done anything,
or has it been stretching its calves?
- [Lou] Yeah, is it ready to run?
- [Ally] The mule?
- [Siobhan] The mule?
- [Emily] I think we can't
look to the donkey to save us.
- [Siobhan] I think Alphonse
is not in a position to help.
- [Ally] Look, at this point,
we got to get creative.
- [Siobhan] Oh my god.
- A literal Christ on a cross.
- Christ is going to k*ll you.
- [Brennan] This is actually a little sign
that says that way woods,
that way more woods.
- Great.
- [Siobhan] Well, that's
freaking cute as hell.
- I am realizing this is an exact...
We're doing everything
exactly the same way we did it
in the first episode of Fantasy High.
It's the exact same thing.
If we all had just attacked
it, we could've won.
- [Emily] Yeah, we
should've just attacked her.
- But instead, we did a bunch
of, like, crawl in its a*s!
Get up in there!
- I mean at this point, though,
it's me with a one handed sword.
It's like, am I really going
to k*ll this thing with a d8?
- [Emily] Yeah, I mean, at this point,
we need the Hail Mary.
- [Murph] We need the one.
We need the Hail Mary.
- [Lou] It is funny.
- [Murph] Yeah, no, it's
the exact same thing.
- You make us level one characters,
we're going to run the
same play every time.
Split in half.
- Okay.
That's a miss on Ylfa.
Now the hay bale's going to attack.
That's a hit.
- It's perfectly fine.
- It's perfectly okay.
- Ylfa, you take nine halved
to four points of damage.
- I'm still up, but I do
need to do a con save.
- Give me a con save, DC 10.
- Nine.
- Level of exhaustion.
- Yikes.
- Tracks, actually.
- What has happened here at
the end of this little canyon
through the hillocks is
the stuff of legends,
this tiny girl
with this horde of enemies coming down.
- I think I'm like, I
think this is the only way
the story was ever going to end, anyways.
- That's a miss.
- Oof.
- Okay.
One, two, three.
- Oh, lord.
- [Emily] What? Why?
- [Brennan] Ran up to the top
of a very visible place, cast a spell.
Two attacks against Mother Goose.
(Emily groans)
- [Lou] Tim, no.
Tim, please.
- That's two hits.
- Oh my god.
- Tim!
- You take seven points of damage.
- Mm-hm.
- And eight points of damage.
- I'm down.
- f*ck.
- Anvil head wanders over, wobbling.
Cling, clang, clang! Boom!
Hammer into your shoulder,
and then this horrifying drawer-
- [Emily] Gerard, it's only you!
- Rains down another blow on top of you.
- I see Mother Goose go down. Okay.
No one's going to do it for you, Gerard.
I'll just jump up and go for it.
- [Brennan] I'm going to roll
the Fairy Godmother's athletics check.
- Okay.
- I'll do this, again,
I know we've had the
box of doom out a lot,
I think to set everyone's
expectations at home,
the box of doom's going to
be out a lot this season.
She doesn't add anything to this.
She has a strength of 10,
and is not proficient in athletics.
- Good.
- The number you need to beat is a 13.
- Okay, so I'm rolling
this with disadvantage.
I'm rolling with disadvantage. Okay.
No way to get around that.
- Mother Goose goes down.
You know who doesn't go down?
Alphonse the donkey,
who, not having heard
from Pib in a minute,
makes the decision to bolt,
thundering past you and
the Fairy Godmother,
just sprinting for his
own life in the woods,
distracting her just enough
to grant you advantage,
which cancels out your
disadvantage, so you just need-
- Saved by a cowardly donkey.
- You just need the number on this die
to be an eight or higher.
- Okay, come on, here it
is. Middling excitement.
- Everyone's a little bit excited.
- [Siobhan] This is just a normal roll.
- [Lou] Let's go, Murph. Come on, Murph.
- I'm medium excited.
- Medium excited.
I am excited, but I'm not unexcited.
- Okay, come on.
- I'm not disinterested.
- [Lou] Exactly, involved.
- [Brennan] That's a three.
- [Siobhan] Boy.
- At least give him his dice back!
- You don't even need to.
- Did you steal it?
- Gerard.
- You reach, pulling at the shard.
It cuts into your own hand.
- Ow!
- [Siobhan] Nice try, Gerard.
- Can I get a death save? No.
- I still have two hit points.
- No, that was a readied
action that he did
when these other animated objects went.
- True, I might still get another chance.
- You have another chance.
- Yeah.
- Although you won't have a donkey.
- No no no, because the
tables were going just now,
so they come after you.
- Okay.
- So Mother Goose, I'm going
to need a death saving throw.
- 20, please.
- You got it, Goose.
- Just a 20.
- Pop it up.
Pop it up, Goose.
- [Brennan] Three.
- Oh my god, these threes!
- Always three.
- What are these threes coming from?
- Pib, I'll need a death saving throw.
- You got it.
I mean, at this point, the
odds are kind of in our favor.
We'll get a 20 eventually.
- At least not a three.
- Rolling that many dice.
- Yeah!
- That is an eight.
- Oh my god.
- [Lou] I don't like Murph's face.
- I don't think you've even
had a success this round.
- No, I don't think any
of us have had a success.
- Yeah, we haven't.
- This is crazy.
- So that's two for Pinocchio,
one for Mother Goose,
one for Rosamund, one for Pib.
- And I still have two hit points.
- And Gerard still has full, right?
- [Brennan] Rosamund,
that's going to be you.
- Full, if she doesn't take me down.
- [Lou] Big money?
- [Siobhan] That's a 15!
- That's a success! Okay, okay!
- We'll take that.
- On the up and up!
- [Brennan] Red.
- There is f*cking nothing for me to do.
If I disengage, can I run
all the way through here?
- Unfortunately no, you won't be able
to move through the combatants.
- I think they need to stay here.
- Disengage, hop on top of the hay bale,
football player style?
Any way you can, get out?
- Can I disengage
and come around here and jump up here?
- Yeah.
- This is pointless.
This is pointless.
- Yeah, no, I think that's the
best thing that you can do.
- I think so.
- You can just run
a little bit.
You living is not bad.
- I know. No, I mean, I'm not leaving.
I think I'm going to disengage,
hop up here.
- [Brennan] Okay.
- I lose my rage,
then a bonus action to rage again.
- Great, give me an athletics check
just to make it up there, DC 10.
- [Emily] Okay, so since I'm-
- Advantage, yeah.
- But I'm exhausted, so then it's flat.
- [Brennan] Straight.
- Oh, lord.
- I make it.
- [Brennan] Cool.
- I think I want to shout
at her, because I want her
to come to me next, because I can do this.
- [Brennan] Amazing. What is it you say?
- It's me, Cinderella!
- Oh, kid.
- [Brennan] Give me a deception check.
- [Ally] Oh my god!
- [Brennan] Disadvantage
for the exhaustion.
- [Lou] Here's the crit we're looking for.
- [Siobhan] Here we go.
Double crit, double crit.
- That's a seven and a two,
minus one, becomes a one.
Not natural, though. An artificial one.
- [Lou] Not a natural one.
- Incredible.
- That's amazing, to hit a one.
You have to work for that one.
- Yeah, that's right, I earned that one.
- [Lou] You earned that one.
- I earned it!
- Are you looking for our chances?
- I think I see something, you guys.
- Us getting absolutely f*cked.
- As you say that, she looks,
whips the magic wand to you with a sneer,
and deals four points of radiant damage.
- Oh boy.
- [Emily] All right, I'm down.
- [Siobhan] Gerard.
- [Lou] Gerard.
It was always about you, Gerard.
- [Brennan] Red falls off,
collapses into the mud.
- Yeah, I go forward, and as I go forward,
all the wolf features fade
back into my 12 year old child,
and I face plant into mud
and pieces of furniture.
- Oh god.
- However, again,
you have literally given
Gerard one more chance.
- Yeah, that's true, and one
of us could pop up on a 20.
- All of us could pop up.
- I mean, I was going to go down there.
Why not go down closer?
- First things first, Pinocchio.
- Oh, Pinocchio. Are you at two fails?
- Two fails.
- Pinocchio!
- [Siobhan] Oh my god,
that's another three.
- He's dead.
- Pinocchio!
Pinocchio, my sweet boy.
Oh my god.
No.
- Life given to a very
special little wooden boy
by a fairy a long time ago.
The light movement of magic leaves
as your wooden grip
on your own nose fades.
Pinocchio,
in these last moments,
what do you see in your mind's eye?
- I think I see
Amanti, the village on the horizon,
me and my father
on the back of a tuna
as we ride home
after escaping a terrible dogfish,
and just that moment of promise
and hope,
and the idea that when
we got back to shore,
everything would be okay.
- You feel spiders, termites.
You hear a voice.
My little Pinocchio.
She has lied to you.
And the light goes out.
I'm going to ask for one
final charisma saving throw,
which you can elect to
fail, if you so wish.
- Fail it?
- Hold onto that.
- Okay.
- Gerard.
That's your turn.
- All right.
The last time Gerard was
in a very dicey situation
when people were invading
his castle, he was hiding
with the children
of the castle,
and ran away,
and in this moment, his cowardice
is very much highlighted
as he sees Red fall down
after holding off everyone,
and seeing
sort of the light leave Pinocchio.
Well, Gerard, if the
children aren't running,
then you really
can't be running, can we?
One last try, and then I'll,
with my bloody hands, try
to grab the glass again.
- I'm going to allow you
to make this roll straight,
if you agree that you forego
your own bodily safety
grabbing this shard of glass
in order to get it out.
- I hesitate for a
moment, but then I see Red
and I see Pinocchio, and
I'm like, team extraction!
- Brave!
- Okay.
We're going to set the DC.
Again, she adds a plus zero to this.
- [Murph] Lord, she's
going to roll the nat 20.
- [Lou] That dice is k*lling me.
- That's a natural 18.
You need a 13 or higher
on a straight roll,
and you are accepting damage on that.
- Pick carefully.
- Come on, come on, come on!
- Okay, all right.
Come on.
- [Lou] It's always been you, Murph.
- [Brennan] 18 on the die!
(everyone screaming)
18 on the f*cking die!
- Oh my god!
- I need a spicy margarita.
That's a double.
- Yes.
- 18 on the f*cking die.
- With the dice I gave you.
- Yes. Yes, yes, yes.
- [Ally] Oh my god.
- Okay, Gerard.
You reach your hand.
Here's the deal.
She has a natural rebuking ability
that she's never gotten
to use because Rosamund,
who wounded her, was
more than 60 feet away.
We're going to set that
as the amount of damage that you take.
We're going to roll.
No bonuses to it, but it is 3d10.
- Jesus.
- How much health do you have?
- 13.
- [Brennan] 13.
- [Lou] Okay!
- If you just roll the threes
that we've been rolling
this whole f*cking episode.
- Oh my goodness.
- Yeah, maybe one of us
should roll the damage,
because I've been rolling
d12s and getting twos.
- Are you rolling them one at a time?
- [Brennan] One at a time.
- Boo.
- Boo? Want me to roll all three?
- Yes.
- I don't know what I want.
I don't want this!
- [Murph] I want one at a time!
- [Brennan] One at a time?
- One a time, please.
- [Brennan] Okay. That's a nine.
- That's a 13.
- That's another nine.
- All right.
- What?
- Oh my god.
- Good lord.
- So we're all down.
- Gerard, you grab this,
pulling with all of your might.
The Fairy Godmother says,
Gerard, we are here to help you!
It's not what you...
And the light goes out as you
pull into your own chest,
stab yourself,
and fall back
as magic rushes into your
suddenly unconscious body.
The entire party is down.
We are going to continue
through initiative order.
- Did she die?
- She is dead.
In an expl*si*n of light,
the Fairy Godmother is dead,
but these objects do not disanimate.
- Oh god!
- Are they going to
attack our dead bodies?
- You made a bunch of
level one characters TPK,
and now these are still animate.
They're going to attack our dead bodies.
- [Emily] Wow, Brennan.
You're such a big man.
- [Siobhan] Maybe they just go to brunch.
- Maybe they just go to brunch, Brennan.
Maybe they just get
some bellinis, Brennan.
- [Siobhan] There's a
whole-a*s town that has brunch.
- Actually, you know what?
None of you are currently threats to them.
- Yeah, I agree.
- I would say that's
an accurate assessment.
- [Siobhan] Very unthreatening right now.
- Even just all of us making
death saves is pretty bad.
- Yeah, I'm ready to make my death saves
with disadvantage, because I'm exhausted.
- Oh my god, I forgot.
- Are those with...
No, saves aren't with disadvantage.
- [Siobhan] Oh yeah, it's only checks.
- Only checks. Fairy
Godmother explodes into light.
- f*ck. sh*t.
- Well, good for her.
- I've hurt myself.
- I'm going to make a ruling here
with these enemies abounding.
They do not see any threats,
and they are going to wander
to search for threats,
but also, we are not going to
allow sort of a stabilization.
So in other words, if
any of you stabilize,
they will eventually end your life,
so you're needing a nat
20 on one of these saves.
Mother Goose.
- I believe in you guys.
Just don't use my dice.
- Is this your second save?
- [Ally] Yes.
- [Siobhan] You can do it.
- [Brennan] 12. Success.
- Okay, okay, okay.
- [Zac] Does anyone feel like it's harder
to get a nat 20 when Brennan's holding it?
- Yeah.
- If you all want to roll in your trays,
I'll let you roll in your trays.
- He sees it and just...
- [Siobhan] How did you get to my dice?
- Pib, you're up.
- [Ally] Come on, Pib.
- Come on, Pib.
- You got it.
- [Siobhan] Get that 20.
- I'm not scared. I'm not scared.
- A 10.
- Yes.
- Success.
- Success.
- [Brennan] That's going to be Rosamund.
This is your third save, right?
- Oh, so close!
- 19, a success.
- Good lord, so they're just grazing?
- [Brennan] Red.
- Like zombies.
- [Brennan] Seven.
- Damn.
- Gerard.
- Good lord.
- [Ally] This feels vaguely religious.
- [Brennan] 17, success.
- Okay.
- Does the shard give him advantage?
- Playing it by the book. Mother Goose.
You have two failures, correct?
- No, one.
- One failure.
- One and one.
- Roll again.
- Come on. Luck of the Irish.
- 12, another success.
Pib, that's you.
- Come on. It's going to be you.
- I think, is that a
crit? It's got art on it.
Is that a little cat?
- It's the cat's butt. That's a nat one.
- Dammit! f*ck!
- That means Pib's full dead.
- Really?
- That's two death saves.
- g*dd*mn.
- Oh my god.
This is so f*cked.
- f*ck me.
- In Pib's final moments,
what does he see?
- I think Pib, in his last moments,
would see
the ogre's castle that they'd taken over
with the miller's son
sitting on the throne.
He'd be perched,
looking out the window,
just lying in a sunbeam,
just looking at the sun
kind of hit him in the face,
just looking at that
light kind of blind him.
- Light coming in through the window.
The castle. The king and queen.
It's on fire,
and you're gone.
Rosamund.
- [Siobhan] Oh my god.
- [Murph] Did you get a one?
- Another nat one.
- [Murph] Dude!
- How many times can you do this?
There's got to be a limit, right?
- This is going to end with, like,
this has been a very special
episode of Dimension 20.
- Thank you so much for watching.
- Disclaimer.
- That's our season.
- Rosamund, in your final
moments, what do you see?
- I see
people coming
to put a veil over my head,
and I walk towards my parents
and towards the door of a chapel,
where my true love is waiting for me.
- You open the door.
You look.
The end of the chapel.
Two beautiful faces turn to
look at you, two princesses,
and you are gone.
- Are we all getting clues
as we die? Was that, like...
- Both of you, I'd like
charisma saving throws,
or you can elect to fail.
- I mean, I'll try and save.
Why not try? I fail.
- Charisma saving throw? Nine.
- [Lou] You got two?
- [Siobhan] I got two.
- See, the token makes
me now feel left out.
- Here you go.
You can have one of mine.
- I don't want one.
- I can't wait to find out
what the blood red token means.
- It seems really fun to play with.
- You can have my token.
- [Brennan] Red, that's you.
- How many did you get?
- I just got one.
- Get a nat 20.
- Eight.
- That's two failures.
- Who's going to run the bottleneck?
Who's going to provide the barrel service?
- Gerard, it's you.
- I can't die.
- Good lord, okay.
- What are you at, Gerard?
- I've just got one success.
I haven't been down very long.
- [Lou] Gerard!
- [Siobhan] Come on, Gerard.
- Come on.
- Five.
- Gerard!
- That's fine.
- [Brennan] Mother Goose.
- [Ally] I need heart rate medication.
- [Murph] We've rolled 20
death saves at this point.
It should happen.
- 16.
- 16. Two successes.
- Three successes.
- No, two successes.
- Two successes.
- Oh, two successes.
- Remember, on your third
success, it is the same as dying.
- Oh god, because we need to crit.
- [Brennan] Because you need to crit.
- You pop back up, and
then they attack you
until you die, or you stabilize.
- How long am I going to
drag out this death process?
- [Brennan] Red.
- Not long. That's a
nine, that's a failure.
- Was that it?
- Are you dead?
- What do you think?
What does it look like?
- He did the thing again,
which he can do unlimited, I guess.
- No, only six.
Red, what do you see
in your final moments?
- I think that I let
a soft image of my grandma
putting the finishing touches
on a sort of doily doll,
which is a little
something that you crochet
to put over toilet paper for modesty,
and it's a happy memory,
but then in that memory,
she starts to transform into a wolf.
So it's sort of like
it's still incredibly restless,
and I just kind of get dragged
down to hell by this wolf.
- As the wolf is dragging you to hell,
you suddenly hear a voice.
Hot.
Too hot to live.
Turn around, face me again.
- Who am I to disrespect
an authority figure?
I turn and face him.
- A wolf, larger than the world,
is falling away from you
towards an endless, boiling sea.
Wind rushing through the wolf's coat.
Will you remember?
Will you remember?
- Can I reach my hand out to grab him?
- Give me a charisma saving throw.
- 14 minus one is a 13.
- You reach your hand out.
Your fingers pass through fur.
It's all right.
All of our times come,
but there are things
trying to stop the turning of the pages.
Wicked, wrong, and selfish creatures,
trying to drive a knife
through the heart of the book.
Do you know the four most important words,
Little Red Riding Hood?
- Once Upon a Time?
- Whoosh!
I knew it was you.
He blows you, and you
are not falling with him.
He continues to fall, but
you see it's not a sea
he's falling into, it's a giant cauldron.
It's a stew pot, and you are
blown up out of a brick chimney
as a voice deep down below goes,
got you now.
That is your last thought before you die.
That's going to be-
- That was righteous, dude.
Absolutely f*cking righteous.
- That's going to be Gerard.
How many fails do you have, Gerard?
- Just one.
- Just one?
- [Lou] Gerard's coming back.
- Please get a nat 20.
- 12.
- 12, okay.
- [Brennan] Two successes. Mother Goose.
- Is this your last one?
- A nat 20 or a fail to keep going.
- Five.
- Yes.
- [Brennan] Gerard, we're back to you.
- 11. That's three successes.
- What a time for a Beardsley crit.
- Are you fully dead until,
you know what I mean?
- Yeah, we'll roll you one last time,
because you're stabilized,
but these constructs
will come and finish the job
when they figure out how to.
- Damn.
- 12. I'm also stabilized.
- [Brennan] Gerard, what
are your last moments?
- I think as Gerard stabilizes
just long enough to be crushed
by one of these animated
pieces of furniture,
glass sticking out of
his chest after he's done
the first heroic thing
he's ever done in his life,
he's just crying and going,
we never should've...
We never should've gotten
involved in this, Elody.
This is no place for a
prince and a princess.
- You look up.
Elody is in front of you.
You're hunched. Your back is lower.
You can't even stand up
straight anymore, bowlegged,
feet splitting through your boots.
It's not too late for you.
She throws a golden ball,
and for the first time, as you look at it,
suddenly you experience
drowning, and you are gone.
Give me a charisma saving
throw, or you can elect to fail.
- I think Gerard's feeling
pretty hopeless in the moment.
I think he elects to fail.
- One last thing. A charisma
save, or you can elect to fail.
- Charisma save.
That's a fail.
- Yikes.
- I don't want to be
the only one who passed!
- But you got a thing.
- No! Can I go back in
time and elect to fail?
- [Brennan] Mother Goose.
- I think Timothy is thinking
about the last fight that
he had with his husband,
because his son already died,
so his husband was like,
don't get involved, get rid
of the book or give it away,
and he was saying
he really believes that
if we can keep track
of when things were good
as everyone in the world
keeps deteriorating,
they can look at that,
and that preserving that
is extremely important.
Then yeah, he left,
and I think Mother Goose can
really believe that just hoping enough
and having enough heart would be enough,
and I think he kind of
still believes that.
- Hope and heart.
(Brennan honks)
- [Ally] Get that f*cking
bonnet off your head.
- Why don't you take it off, big man?
- I will, but I'm dead.
- Hope?
- I got my third wish right here.
- As you say, I got my
third wish right here,
the gander looks at you and goes, granted,
and bites your finger off
your hand, and you are gone.
(Ally wails)
- Everybody dead?
- [Murph] Everybody's dead.
- We all dead?
- Everybody's dead.
- RIP.
- Well, that is a total party k*ll.
- Is it?
- The first in Dimension 20 history,
and what's the last thing
Red Riding Hood said?
- I think, once upon a time.
I think when she had that
interaction, she was thinking,
oh my god, we've been
going about this all wrong,
because we were trying to use this book
to hang onto memories and for nostalgia,
but actually the purpose
of this whole book
is to start new stories,
so really, we just have to say,
Once Upon a Time.
(person breathing heavily)
(person gasps)
(ominous music)
(static crackling)
Welcome to our World! Where we serve you cookies to ensure you get the best viewing experience on our site.
Did you know that you can remove censorship board-wide, use our advanced search functions, be notified when new content is posted, join our memberships, set episodes to show in any order you want & more if you are logged into your account?
Register or sign in here: ucp.php?mode=register
Did you know that you can remove censorship board-wide, use our advanced search functions, be notified when new content is posted, join our memberships, set episodes to show in any order you want & more if you are logged into your account?
Register or sign in here: ucp.php?mode=register
16x03 - No Place for a Prince or Princess
Watch/Buy Amazon
A tabletop role-playing game show produced by and broadcast on Dropout and created and generally hosted by Brennan Lee Mulligan as the show's regular Dungeon Master.
A tabletop role-playing game show produced by and broadcast on Dropout and created and generally hosted by Brennan Lee Mulligan as the show's regular Dungeon Master.