[whooshing]
[slow mysterious music]
[quill scratching]
- Hello, and welcome to the finale
of "Misfits and Magic"
here at Dimension 20.
I am your intrepid GM, Aabria Iyengar,
and with me are the Magical Misfits.
Say hi, Magical Misfits.
- [Group] Hi, Magical Misfits.
- Nice.
Let's go around.
Lou!
- I am Lou Wilson
and I play the one
known as Whitney Jammer!
- Erika.
- I'm Erika Ishii and
I'm playing Broken Dream,
XX_BrokenDream_XX,
otherwise known as Dream.
- Danielle!
- Hi, I'm Danielle Radford
and I play Sam Black.
We'll see if that name lasts.
[laughing]
- Brennan!
- You now behold Brennan
Lee [laughing] Mulligan.
I portray the character
known as Evan Kelmp.
- Kelmp, Kelmp.
[laughing]
- Yeah.
- Kelmp.
- Kelmp.
- Kelmp.
- Evan Kelmp.
- And we begin where we left off before,
as looking over at the four of you,
before the rest of Chimeron filters in
after the Scuppers game.
You see Nurse Stitchnit gives you a look.
"Evan, can you just...
Sorry about the...
You were great, I think.
Proud of you, need to talk to you.
Appointment stuff, doctor."
- Yeah, of course.
- Yeah, is it...
I just had a pretty scary episode
and my friend saved me.
I know that there's a wait,
but is it possible to
move up the date at all?
[Aabria sighs]
I almost hurt a bunch of people.
- I need you to make a,
let's call it a Brains roll,
difficulty of seven.
- Okay.
I would like to halve that and succeed.
- Oh, sh*t.
I gotta look at your
stats before I say that.
- D12.
- Oh, it's literally
exactly that.
- 12 plus one,
I would like to halve that and succeed.
- And you stare him down in this moment,
and you see that he is holding a lot back
and there's a lot that he wants to say.
And pushing through that,
you know that the thing you're asking for
is reasonable and within his power,
and yet he does not
want to give it to you,
if you wanna push further.
He sort of hems and haws.
- Nurse Stitchnit, I appreciate
that you feel strongly.
It's ultimate, and I mean
this will all due respect,
it's not your decision.
- "I know.
I understand that, but-"
- I haven't explained this to my friends
and I'm sure they're worried
'cause this is a weird conversation
to have in front of them.
- "Do you...
We can take care of it now if you want.
We can have a conversation if you want,
but I just wanted...
I just wanted you
to go to Bibble's Bog.
Is that weird?"
- To Bibble's Bog?
- "Yeah, it's like a
little town on the outside.
It's a free day.
And you know once this
happens, you know what happens.
Are you willing to let that go right now?"
- Nurse, I feel how I feel
and I'll just come check in with you
after I explain everything to
my friends, if that's okay.
- "I understand.
I'll get everything ready."
- Thank you.
And he gives you all a very pointed look,
and then you see him wave
at his daughter Maddie,
she's over in the corner like, "Dad, god."
She runs back up and away.
[laughing]
She did not enjoy that
interaction and he takes off.
- How pink is she?
- She is not at all pink.
- Okay, got it.
Good to know.
- Yeah.
- I thought you were getting a check-in?
- Yeah, I thought it was
like a physical, you know?
You were having a muscle spasm.
[laughing]
- Yes.
- Yeah.
- Are we in the common room right now?
- Mm-hmm, and people
are filtering back in.
- You just wanna go for a walk?
- A stroll on the
grounds seems delightful.
[laughing]
- This is an incredible transformation.
- This feels like we also
gotta talk about this.
We need to get through this, but I also-
- No, no, we're working on
Evan's thing for right now.
- [Lou] Got it.
- Yeah, we can go ahead and table it.
- Pay no attention.
- Yeah.
- Wow.
Wow.
Wow.
Sorry, I'm very...
Okay.
I'm in a confused place.
I'm gonna walk out of here
with you guys and just say,
"Look, remember when I
went to the nurse's office
on day two with the evocation
class and everything,
our first day of classes?
- Yeah.
- Mm-hmm.
- I basically talked to them and found out
that there are procedures
that you can elect into
where they can...
If you have magic that's really
harmful or really dangerous,
that they actually have
ways to make you safe
to be around people, which is awesome.
And this place, we know
this place has a lot
of messed up rules and messed
up stuff, and basically,
they're able to carry out the procedure,
and it's safe and it's effective.
You met, Sam, you confronted the beings.
You pulled me out of there
and you broke the hold, they
can't talk to me anymore.
But they're eternal.
They come back.
And they're gone now,
and it's the first time
in my life I've ever...
It's the first time it's been okay.
But there's a procedure that could really,
really finish it once and for all.
- Well yes, that sounds perfect.
- It would be awesome.
And we'd get rid of something
really bad and dangerous in the world.
But you know, the downside,
the hard part of it,
is the rules just being what they are,
is that if you go through
with it you become that...
I'd be a Muggle.
I wouldn't-
- Teddy clears his throat.
- Teddy, man.
- "What?"
- Not what it's about right now.
- "Okay.
You could just pick different language."
- I'm making a political statement-
- Words are important.
- By not using the word NAMP
that I find distasteful.
- "I mean, your feelings
don't really factor into this.
I'm sorry, I'm so sorry.
Dream-"
- Teddy.
- "Yes?"
- Hush now.
- "Here's the thing, I know
what he's talking about,
and he's burying the lede.
You know what? I'm gonna go."
And he climbs down off of
your crushed pink velvet
and slides down to the ground,
and you see that at your feet
are just a bunch of little
mice that are humming.
One scurries out from under your dress
and kinda clips a little
bit like, "Hemmed it.
You're welcome."
- Why thank you, little friend.
- "I love you so much."
- That...
Okay, what do you mean
you're burying the lede?
- Well no, Teddy's not right about that.
I haven't buried the lede.
The lede is we would stop those beings
from ever coming back.
That's the lede.
And the price of that is that I...
It's actually interesting 'cause-
- You would no longer be magical.
- Yeah, yeah.
- Okay, you buried the lede.
- Yeah, that's-
- That's called burying the lede.
- That is the lede.
That was the lede.
- That's the lede.
- Teddy's posted up on your
leg and is like, "Right?"
- My man.
[laughing]
Yeah, that's burying the lede.
I mean, yes, the Elder Ones
not coming back is important,
but what's important to us
is you not being magical.
So that's the lede for us.
So you buried that.
- Because you realize as well
that in addition to losing
your magical powers,
you'd have your mind wiped.
You wouldn't remember any of this.
- What?
- Any of us.
Remember in the contract that we signed
at the beginning of the year?
- Yeah.
- Oh.
- That in the event that we decide
to forego our magical education,
in that event, we would
have our memories wiped.
- It's taking Sam two
or three extra seconds
to figure it out.
- Yeah.
[laughing]
- Behind her eyes is just blue face.
Or blue screen.
- Blue screen.
- Peace out, yeah.
- Oh.
We wouldn't be best friends anymore.
[slow music]
- The way I understand it,
is I would probably be
deposited back in Millersburg.
But they wouldn't wipe
your guys' memories,
so you guys would remember,
and you guys would be here...
You guys would be here together, you know?
You know you'd be safer.
You know the whole school would be safer.
And everything you guys
are doing with Chimeron
and how psyched the school is
and all the things you're doing to-
- We kicked that thing's a*s, bro.
- Yeah, we bodied that.
- What are you talking about?
Sam talked it down, Dream
straight up froze it.
We bodied that thing.
So you're not going anywhere!
- Where are you gonna eat?
Where are you gonna sleep?
Where are you gonna get
your free cheeseburgers
when you're not here anymore?
- Yeah, we get unlimited...
We taught the kitchen to make McRibs.
You don't want McRibs anymore?
- Of course I want McRibs.
- Yeah, of course!
So don't do this!
- Now everyone, if Evan has decided
that that's what's best for him,
then we should not stop him
from what's going to make him happiest.
- It's not about...
I've been the happiest I've ever been.
It's not about being happy.
Not everything's about being happy.
It's the team, right, man?
Isn't this-
- What are you talking about?
Players make selfish
decisions all the time.
Kevin Durant went to the Warriors
just to win a championship.
Why don't you just stay with the team,
win a championship?
Goat House is undefeated.
Well, we lost today,
[laughing]
but we will be undefeated!
Just stay until the end of the year,
just stay until we win the cup.
- Dream, I need you to make a Charm roll,
difficulty of 10.
[suspenseful music]
What part of the castle
are you in right now?
- The grounds, right?
- Four D8, yeah.
- Yeah, part of the grounds.
- I don't think
you're full outside
'cause y'all were kinda
shuttled back in post-Scuppers.
- 10.
- You did it.
- And wherever you are now
is close enough to a window
that you hear that it's begun to rain,
[rain pattering]
but very specifically,
behind the window that's behind Dream.
[Lou laughs]
- I don't have it in me to argue about it.
You guys know that I don't
wanna do this, right?
- Evan, if you wanted to make
foolish heroic sacrifices,
you would've been sorted
into the red house,
whatever it's called.
We, our house, is for all of the rest.
Those who are steadfast and loyal.
Those are our strengths.
Ours is not to be in
the first line of fire.
Ours is to be there for one another.
- [sighs heavily] Yeah.
I'm gonna, yeah.
I don't wanna...
I know it's been a month.
If that snake had hurt you,
that would've been the
end for me, you know?
- But it didn't.
Now we're talking about
hypotheticals that didn't happen.
- Philosophically, that's what?
A slippery slope, straw man?
- One of those S words is definitely it.
- Yes.
- I mean, we kicked its a*s, dude.
We bodied it.
[laughing]
I can't say that enough,
and if it comes back we'll body it again,
and we'll body it every day we have to
until it realizes that it
doesn't win in this house.
Doesn't win in Goat House.
- Sam, I need a Fight roll right now,
snap decision, difficulty of 10.
- So that's a six.
[Brennan gasps]
- You see in just that blink again,
the tether, you see it snap.
But not fast enough to catch it.
- You guys say more nice stuff.
We gotta say nice stuff.
- I mean, I'll say all the
nice stuff you need to hear.
- I don't wanna hear anything nice.
- Well that's what-
- I'm trying to do something nice!
- Well don't! You don't want to!
- I don't have anything
to offer this group!
Look at this!
This is what's on the inside,
and it takes a lot of effort
to just cover this up!
I'm just dragging you down.
Look at all the great stuff
you guys do for this place.
Like look at you guys, it's clear...
Lift your wands up.
One of these things is
not like the others.
- You know, these
people at this school put so much stock
into what they were born
as and who they were,
as if what you're born
with and who you're born to
and the place that you live
is going to define you in
your whole entire life,
but we're f*cking
Americans, you know what?
- The mice kind of like [gasps].
- I may have been born
with this inside of me,
but it's not who I am!
[clears throat] And if I decide
that maybe there are parts
of me that I wanna keep,
I shall keep those, and the rest of them,
well, I don't have to
let my genes define me.
We get to choose.
[Brennan sighs]
- And a little paper
airplane sails into the view
and kind of lands on your shoulder.
- It's bright pink, it's
clearly from Nurse Stitchnit.
"Whenever you're ready."
[paper sizzling]
- I'm gonna look up at my friends.
[slow music]
I...
I've been afraid for a lot of my life.
I think you guys are really, really kind.
There's no part of you
that feels like you'd just
be dragging me around?
I know you.
That's the thing, I know you guys can body
whatever I can throw at you.
I know you can.
I don't wanna be a just
trapdoor to something terrible
that's gonna pop open from time to time
for things that you have to body.
- We're all gonna do stuff the
other doesn't like sometimes.
That's what being friends is about,
is sometimes we're gonna do things
that's gonna make us upset,
but you stand by your friends.
One day one of us might eat the last McRib
and not ask if anybody wanted any extra.
- God forbid.
- God forbid,
but it could happen.
But that's what best friends are for.
We'll work through whatever we have to.
- You hear footsteps slowly
walking down the hall.
[footsteps approaching]
- I think I'm f*cked in the head.
I think Evan just looks
to the footsteps like,
"Oh god, a new thing.
Thank god.
[laughing]
Thank god.
Thank god."
- You turn and you see the swishing robes
of Headmistress Philtrum.
"Oh, oh.
Evan, pilot program, there you are.
You ready?"
- Sorry, am I ready?
- "To, uh, finish your stay here.
Do they know?
You're needed at the nurse's office
and I've come to escort you."
- Can I make some kind of Brains check?
- You trying to Insight check my girl?
- I'm trying to Insight check your girl.
- Yeah, okay.
- Because-
- Trying to Insight check your girl.
- Nurse Stitchnit has never mentioned
Headmistress Philtrum being integral
to the workings of the
nurse's office before.
- Yeah.
Eight is your DC.
- It's exactly an eight.
- I will offer up what you see,
and if you have a deeper
question, feel free to follow up.
She looks a little too pleased to see you
and escort you to Nurse
Stitchnit's office.
[slow ominous music]
- Sorry to change the
subject super quickly, g*ng.
Very wound up in my own
sh*t and I apologize.
I'll be there in a moment,
Headmistress Philtrum.
- "Oh, I'll wait here."
- I'm just gonna...
Okay.
[laughing]
I'm gonna look at you guys and say,
"What the f*ck happened
on the Scuppers field?"
- Is this really the time for that?
- I believe so.
- Tallulah cast-
- "Well no, you're the one...
Hold on, I'm so sorry.
You're the one that asked
Nurse Philtrum on the evening,
on the weekend to speed
up this process for you.
And I apologize if I seem rude or terse,
but you've asked for a thing
and it would be the height of impropriety
to keep him waiting any longer.
So can we go?"
- The height of impropriety?
- "Mm."
- Okay.
I'm improper.
[Aabria sighs]
- I'm gonna look over
and say, "Headmistress Philtrum,
I appreciate the rush
that you appear to be in.
I am gonna go get my things.
I have a grocery bag
with some socks waiting for me in my room.
I'm gonna pick that up
and then I'm headed to the nurse's office.
- "I mean, we can, I can-"
- I'm gonna go do that.
- "Get that picked up."
- We'll help you go get your things.
- Thanks, g*ng.
Appreciate it.
- Yeah, it's a heavy bag.
- Yes.
Say our final goodbyes.
You understand.
- "Mm-hmm."
- Teddy, why don't you
and the choir perform
for the Headmistress while you're waiting.
- "Oh, no thank you.
I will inch just-"
- Oh, but we insist.
They've been working ever so hard on it.
- "Huh.
Pink is certainly your color, dear."
- Thank you.
- "Mm."
- As I'm walking off with you guys I say,
"Sorry, what the f*ck happened...
What happened on the Scuppers field?"
- Tallulah cast a very
destructive spell on you.
- You jumped in the way.
That's awesome.
That's so awesome.
- You're awesome.
- You're awesome.
You too.
You're the awesome one.
- Hey, do this later.
- Okay, sorry.
[laughing]
- You're both awesome.
- Yeah, we get it.
- Sorry, sorry, sorry.
Friend group.
- Adversity token.
- This is all new calculus to me.
Tallulah fired a spell?
- Yes.
- Well, we gotta tell
Headmistress Philtrum that.
Not that I think she's gonna do sh*t,
but we gotta get a read.
[laughing]
Okay.
The voices came to me
because something bad
was gonna happen to you.
I reached in and let them take over,
but you were doing the same thing for me.
You were trying to save
me at the same time
from a spell that Tallulah was casting.
The Headmistress is not a part...
I've never talked to Headmistress Philtrum
about this plan of mine.
Can I try something?
- Of course, my guy.
- We trust you implicitly.
- If this doesn't work-
- We'll body it.
[laughing]
- Yes.
- It'll get bodied.
That's a promise, on sight.
- Jammer, can I borrow your
phone for a quick second?
Mine doesn't have a screen.
- Yeah, of course.
Here.
- I'm gonna open a Google
Maps on Jammer's phone,
and I'm gonna go to a Planet Fitness
near Jammer's home in Chicago,
the nearest Planet Fitness,
and do a Google Street View of it.
- What?
- And I'm gonna say, "I'm done running.
I'm done running from you, m*therf*cker."
And I'm going to point
my wand at the ground
and summon my shadow here.
[all gasping]
- Oh, god.
That is a Grit roll, difficulty of 13.
- How did you know it
was a Planet Fitness?
- Dude, I got your back, man.
- Yeah.
- Active listening.
Lovely.
- I know.
[blowing]
It's only a four.
It's Grit.
I cannot burn enough
Adversity tokens to get there,
that's a failure.
- How many would you need?
- Oh, we don't gotta do this.
- I mean, if we can we will.
- Yeah.
- Well listen, I think...
'Cause it's a Grit roll, right?
- [Aabria] Mm-hmm.
- I think I'm gonna let
this thing come and hurt me.
Yeah.
- I didn't say it wasn't gonna come.
- No, that's what...
I think what I'm saying is,
the Grit roll of, I know
I run from this thing.
- Yep.
- It's okay if it hurts me, that's fine.
'Cause the grit part of resisting it,
if I fail at that, that's totally fine
'cause I'll get a chance
to do something after that.
So I'm totally down with a failure.
This is fine for me.
- Okay.
- Yeah, you never had to
roll to summon your shadow.
The struggle has always
been to keep it away.
So the moment you call, it comes.
And all of you see that
behind every pane of glass,
a shadow moves across it,
and you see it coming down the hallway,
gaining speed, going on
both sides of every corridor
until the shadow drops down
off of some of the sconces on the wall,
and the lights flare up in every direction
around Evan until we
get a four-part shadow,
like an X marking the spot under his feet.
And Evan, you feel a
surge of wind under you
as you are made whole again.
- Awesome.
I'm going to level my wand at my shadow,
and I'm gonna say,
"This gift has brought me
nothing but pain and misery.
I'm done running from you.
I am not a scared child.
I am a wizard.
Heed my words, shadow, you
are mine and mine alone!
You will go to this Planet Fitness
and you will collect a
series of free weights
and bring them to my friend Jammer,
or I will cast you into
the center of the sun
where you will know never
darkness, nor shade again!"
- Your shadow flickers in the light,
and it seems to stretch
long and away from you,
trying to leave you and flee you.
It does not, it cannot.
And then all of the lights
go out in the corridor,
and when each little
flame comes back up again,
Evan's shadow is gone.
And Headmistress Philtrum rounds on you.
"What was that?"
She kinda comes back around.
"I thought you were
collecting your things.
Now you're causing power
outages in my school."
- Did y'all pay the bill?
We don't know it was him.
[laughing]
- "You think you're cute
and clever, don't you?"
- Sam is objectively cute.
She has like, 100.000 followers.
- "Enough from you.
You have upset the...
No.
No.
No.
Are you ready, Mr. Kelmp?"
- Do I look around and see
any free weights at all?
[laughing]
Do I see anything?
- It takes a second, sir.
- Gotcha.
I'm looking at the...
- It's grabbing as many
kettlebells as it can.
- As many kettlebells as it can.
I'm gonna put the phone down,
and I'm going to walk over.
Look at Headmistress Philtrum.
One sock.
[Aabria sighs]
Two socks.
- This is not the part
we're gonna help with.
We're gonna help later on.
- And you hear a little
[imitates clanking].
[clanking]
Down and away, in the shadowed part...
This is a long bunk dorm.
And you hear the sound of
dropping metal out of sight,
but not out of range.
- Is that?
- Are those?
- Is that it?
- Sam, I need you to make a Charm roll.
The difficulty is 12.
- Difficulty is 12.
Oh, are you kidding?
- Please tell me that's
a good "Are you kidding?"
- Seven.
[gasping]
Uh-oh.
- Nothing, no.
You just don't get it.
[laughing]
That's just what it is.
You just don't get it.
And you feel that
something important passed,
an opportunity, and you missed it.
And so often in your life
you kinda just miss things
or are late to them,
and when you get there it's lovely,
but you know in this moment
that you missed something huge.
- So while this is happening...
I'm gonna spend this for treasure hunter.
While this is happening,
as Evan is putting the socks into his bag,
the mice have nibbled a
hole in the other side
and are taking socks back around.
[laughing]
- That just happens.
That's great.
They've got a little line going.
- A little line.
They're passing around.
- You have to keep looking at them
'cause they're ready to
break into song, like.
♪ This is a time ♪
- No.
- I'll see that and I'm
like, "That's incredible."
I'm gonna look and just be like,
"Do those sound like weights outside?"
- A little bit.
- Yeah.
- Does it sound like weights?
- Yeah, it sounds like...
Okay, so you would know
specifically kettlebells hitting
where you're not supposed
to let them drop.
It's supposed to be on rubber
flooring and you're just like,
clank, clank, clank, clank.
- I'm gonna go check on
something real quick.
And I wanna jog it out,
just jog it out to-
- Full set of dumbbells,
full set of free weights,
and two power lifting bars,
a bunch of bumper plates.
- Jammer tears up.
Jammer immediately.
[laughing]
Just like-
- Yo, eff it, there's a power rack there.
There's a full spot rack, let's go.
- Oh, then tears.
[laughing]
It's quiet tears.
It's quiet tears.
My man hasn't gotten a
good pump in over a month.
And I guess I come sprinting
back and I'm like, "Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm."
- Man.
You know it was never a question
that you guys can do everything for me.
I just wanted to be able
to do everything for you.
- Hey, you came back in a big way.
- "Are you ready, Mr. Kelmp?"
- Hey lady, I changed my mind.
I'm okay being magic.
I can help my friends.
- Oh!
- "Why don't you go and
explain to the nurse
your sudden change of heart?"
- Yeah, that's fine.
Nurse Stitchnit is extremely
understanding and kind
and I do not doubt that
it will be a nonissue.
Do you guys wanna go
visit Nurse Stitchnit?
- Yeah.
- "No, you can go on your own.
I have to speak to...
They were also at the Scuppers match.
Much to discuss."
- Click click.
Dear Nurse Stitchnit, not comin'.
Thanks for all the help."
[laughing]
- She doesn't even look away from you.
She blinks and it sizzles up in flame.
- You seem very hostile for an adult
charged with the care of children.
- "I...
You know what?
Normally people your year understand
how to behave in a way
that is proprietous.
We usually get a lot of that.
Muggle...
[sighs] NAMP."
- Oh, okay.
Oh, so-
- Wow.
- Really?
- Wow.
- Now what if I react like
everyone else does, lady.
Excuse me?
Hold on.
- My family are all Muggles, so-
- "You still can't say that if I can't."
- Can't say it.
- I think we have something
to bring to your attention, Headmistress.
- "Sure, go ahead.
What else?"
- Tallulah-
- Mm-hmm.
- A member of Hercinil-
- "I'm aware."
- Attempted to cast a lethal spell at me
on the Scuppers field.
- "At what point?
Before or after your massive black cloud
disapparated you and another
student from the game?"
- Before.
Causal, in fact.
- "Okay.
Do you have any proof of that?
If that is true, that's a
very, very grave allegation,
and I just would like to
follow through on that.
So what can you offer me?"
- Well, as a matter of fact, Sam?
- Hmm?
- Weren't you recording the whole match?
- I was.
[laughing]
I was recording the whole match.
That's right.
- "On what? With what?"
- Bam!
[laughing]
- "Oh."
- It went-
- "You brought electronic
devices to the school
when I asked you not to."
- Yeah, it went live on
Twitch to over 80 people.
[laughing]
Okay?
- 10 of them watched live.
- Normally Sam does way
more numbers than that,
but we're in Greenwich Mean Time.
- "Mm, mm-hmm."
- And there's timezones to consider.
It's a different time of
day in the United States.
- It's not really her
target demographic here.
- "Correct.
So show me the footage?"
- Yeah, I'll just show you the footage.
That sounds good."
- "Yes.
Actually, no.
You and I will go together
and review the footage.
You all can stay here.
Don't forget to report to the nurse
at your earliest convenience.
Thank you.
Miss Black."
- Yeah.
Sam takes her phone, looks at everybody.
Okay, let's go review this footage.
- Teddy's gonna discreetly follow.
- She reaches the threshold of the door,
says, "Oh, I'm so sorry.
Familiars need to stay with their mages."
- Very well.
- "Recall your familiar."
- Theodore, darling, please come back.
- And Teddy is on all fours,
has blown through the elbow patches
and is hissing and growling,
and just only reluctantly,
like the dog at the end of its tether,
recalls himself to you.
- Send out a little psychic link.
Oh wait, I only have psychic link to him,
but I'll just...
- So.
- This all feels bad.
- Very bad.
- Super bad.
- Gas station parking lot bad.
- Uh-huh.
Feels like somebody's
about to get beat down.
- Yeah, it really does.
- Yeah.
- And you know what I think?
Given that feeling is pretty unshakable,
I would love for that person to not be me
and to be Headmistress Philtrum.
- Yeah, yeah.
And Tallulah, and that trio, minus Fergus.
- [Brennan] Yeah, that trio, yeah.
- 'Cause I think it's
going down between Sam...
It's cool, it's real.
- We'll see if Fergus wants to
do something about anything-
- Yeah, he could be on the
right side of history or not,
and that's his decision.
- He can write the ending to his story
based on his actions, yeah, for sure.
- I feel like Sam could get anybody
to do anything, really.
- I mean, I feel like there's a chance
Sam comes out of that room,
and it's one of those
things where she goes in
and tries to put her in handcuffs,
but then we come out and
Sam's got the handcuffs off
and they're actually on
Headmistress Philtrum.
- Yes.
- Like a full turn-around.
- Should we run to the
nurse right now and give...
You know who I'd love to get in on this?
- [Lou And Brennan] Dr. B!
- Yo!
[laughing]
What's up?
- You don't have to send it,
I'm over here looking at all of these...
What are the weights?
What are these?
- Oh, these are kettlebells,
this is a power rack for squatting.
- "Why is it in here?"
- Oh, Dr. B, you're gonna love this.
You're gonna love this.
- "Oh."
- Will you come with
us to Nurse Stitchnit?
- "Of course."
- We've got some things to throw down,
and then I'm gonna show
you how to power lift.
And honestly, this school is
about to get f*ck' jacked.
- "Is that good?
That sounds bad."
- It's so good.
- Positively yolked.
- "That also sounds bad 'cause oxen,
they don't like being in yokes."
- Oh, I thought it was with a K-
- I thought they...
Yeah, you know, yolked is being-
- "They're beasts of burden."
And on that weird note, we kind of-
- I have sent the mice, though.
- Do you? Yeah.
I figured.
- Yeah, yeah, of course.
- You know what?
Go ahead and make a Flight roll for me.
We'll say the difficulty's seven.
- Okay.
Is this common sense, or?
- It's not common sense 'cause
you're using magical animals
to track a wizard.
- All right.
Oh, 10, 11.
It's 11.
- Oh yeah.
They go and they are undetected.
- Oh wait, no, no, wait, it explodes.
- Oh my god!
- It explodes. 10 explodes.
Okay, so that's
- Whoo.
- Oh, okay.
Better than expected.
What extra thing happens
with your recon mice.
- So words get out around the castle.
They keep going, and then
there's c*ck around,
and other little vermin.
- Yeah.
- And there's little sparrows
in the rafter and stuff,
and they're all like, "Oh
sh*t, it's going down."
They're like, "We gotta keep on Sam."
So they're following at a
discreet distance and stuff,
and have set word out around
that something's going down,
everybody be on the lookout, report back.
- Tight.
You know what?
Give me, what is this?
I'll call it a Grit roll.
A Grit roll difficulty of six.
- Difficulty of six.
- Yeah.
- Okay.
That was a 10.
- Oh my god.
- Does it explode, or?
- It does explode.
[gasping]
- Does it continue to explode?
- 15.
- All right, we're gonna do
a bit of a "Some Pig" thing.
A little spider...
Headmistress Philtrum,
head down, is walking.
And you see as you're trailing behind her
a little spider drop down,
its silk catches in the light,
and it quickly weaves
out a message from...
Dream, what message would
you want to send to Sam?
- "Hi, Sam, how's it going?"
- No, keep it...
It's "Some Pig", what are you doing?
- "Hi, Sam, comma,"
- "Trust the creatures."
- Yeah, it just says, "Trust us."
- Good, yeah.
- Okay.
All right.
Hey, spider.
Lookin' real good, spinnin'.
That's what you do.
- It just kinda waggles its butt.
[laughing]
- Just trying to be like you.
- Throws it back.
- Just trying to be like you.
- I'd be like you.
Anyway, y'all do make it to
Headmistress Philtrum's office.
And once you get in there,
you see that all her robe affectations,
of big sparkly things,
she takes those off when she comes in,
and this is a sleek black room.
There are a couple little
magic items placed,
but it is minimalist and dark,
and there's a couple
lights on her ebony desk.
And she invites you to
sit across from her.
"So what do you have to show me?"
- I'm gonna show you tape from the game
that I taped, for sure.
- "Absolutely did."
- Absolutely, 100%.
- Now did you absolutely do this
or is this a group lie?
- I thought you actually did it.
- No, you get to decide in this moment.
Was the group lying and hoping
that you could figure out
how to fabricate stuff, or were
you actually streaming this?
- Oh, that's a really good question.
I was playing, so I don't
know if I could've been...
I mean, I don't know
if I could've been playing and streaming,
so I think Sam took it as,
you distract her while
we go get more defenses,
so my job is to charm and
try to figure that out
and keep her going while everybody else
is getting Dr. B, and
putting together a team.
- Okay.
So with that in mind she
just waits patiently.
- Okay, so this is a phone.
I'm just gonna...
And then I do my face thing
'cause that's the way that
her facial recognition works.
- Oh my god.
Yes!
[Erika screaming]
Adversity token 'cause that's amazing.
I did not clock that.
- Yeah.
Okay, so here's the...
Oh, it's not.
I need bars.
And I start doing the ritualistic
act of looking for bars.
- Yep.
- Oh, I can't. Are there-
- "You are aware that I can see
when magic is being cast, yes?"
- I am now.
- "Mm."
- That's a good thing for me to know.
- Yes, your friends were very
dismissive of my abilities,
perceptions, or general wherewithal
when it comes to you four specifically.
I'm very capable, and I don't
enjoy my time being wasted."
- You know what? You're right.
And I am so sorry that I crack...
When I'm nervous I make jokes.
It's a survival mechanism, it's fine.
I'm really sorry that I did that earlier
and I just wanna say-
- "Are you going to produce the footage?"
- Yes.
And then Sam goes through the phone
and is like, "See, it's here right here,"
and it's just another Sam mukbang.
[laughing]
You see?
Oh, no.
- Make a Grit roll, difficulty of 12.
- You got this.
You got this.
- Only if I...
Five.
- She blinks once and
your phone screen cracks,
and the entire thing
crumbles in your hand.
[yelling]
"I did ask that you not bring
electronic devices onto
the campus, did I not?"
- Well now you've destroyed the evidence,
so I can't show you what we got.
So with that in mind...
And Sam's trying to look out
and see if she can see out the door
if the cavalry is coming or
if she's just on her own.
- There's no one there.
- Yeah, well now it's destroyed.
- "Tallulah is a model student."
- Really?
- "Yes."
- 'Cause she's kind of terrible and mean.
And that's a model student, right.
- "I asked those three
students to look after you
when I could not, before
the term even started.
And if I recall, their
assertions of your interactions,
that you all were incredibly
dismissive of them.
So really, who was being terrible?"
- Well, they're not all bad.
Fergus is kinda nice, actually.
We weren't being dismissive,
they were just being very...
We just couldn't handle all
the microaggressions, you know?
There was just so many,
and I don't think that
they think well of NAMPs.
[laughing]
- "I didn't invent the
name, for what it's worth."
- Okay, 'cause it tastes
like coal in my mouth.
I really dislike it.
- Tastes like.
[laughing]
- "I didn't mind the old
word, but then again,
times change and we have
to change with them."
- Right.
So I just think, you know,
we don't have the evidence,
but I can tell you exactly what happened.
We were on the pitch,
and Tallulah was getting mad
'cause they were getting bodied.
Just wrecked.
- "They were winning."
- Right, but they was about to get bodied,
and they didn't know it.
And they were just, wreck, wreck,
just ba*ls over here, goals, hello.
We were about to just really destroy them.
And Tallulah got upset,
got a little wandsy,
just doing some wand stuff.
And they disappeared so that
they couldn't be harmed.
They actually did you a favor
because how many students
get injured here?
It seems like it's all the time.
- "Acceptable margins.
Now,
I have noticed Fergus' interest in you.
I keep an eye out on my house.
And I'll put it another way.
If you would like to formally
lodge this complaint,
that would mean the entire Hercinil team
would be under probation,
including Fergus.
Is that what you would like to do?"
- If I lodge a complaint
about one of his homies
trying to k*ll my people?
[laughing]
Ooh.
Look, he cute, but he ain't that cute.
[laughing]
[clapping]
I'm lodging a formal complaint.
- "It will be taken under advisement.
You are dismissed."
- Okay.
I guess I'll just...
This was good talking to you though,
some good one on one
student-headmaster time.
We'll have to do this again sometime.
Still looking behind to
see if anyone's coming
and if she needs to continue to distract.
She's just kinda slowly backing out like,
"This was cool, let's do it again."
- Let's freeze here really quick
and see what the rest
of the group is doing.
- We already had Dr. B,
but I just wanted to holler
at the nurse real quick.
- [Aabria] Yeah, sweet.
You're able to slide over,
it's not that far away.
- Nurse Stitchnit, hi.
- "Hello.
There's so many people.
Oh."
- Hi.
I'm not gonna go through with it.
I'm not gonna go through with it.
- Sorry, I'm not supposed to look pleased.
What changed?
- Got me a bunch of kettlebells
from Planet Fitness.
- He seems to believe that if he can be
of some material use to us that
that validates his friendship
with us in some way,
which is certainly not the case.
But however, it changed his mind.
- "Sure.
Okay.
I'm happy to get rid of
all of this, that's fine."
And you see him just kind of kick over a-
[crashing]
- Oh, Jesus Christ, what the-
- Table full of candles
and weird seance-y looking sh*t.
Like, "That's fine."
- What was the saw for?
[laughing]
- "You don't want-"
- I know what the saw's for.
- "Do you wanna know?
Do you wanna know?
It would've been really bad.
It would've sucked a lot."
- I know what the saw's for.
- Well, uh.
- It's not anything you can see.
- "Yeah, that's the worst part.
I'm really happy that
you're not doing this.
I'm worried 'cause you have a look,
you have a whole-"
- Well, the Headmistress-
- "They're not doing it
for the right reasons."
[Brennan sighs]
- The Headmistress seems
to be up to something, yes?
- Yes.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
- I think the Headmistress is covering
for some bad students here,
and if I'm being honest,
I don't think bad students behave badly
if they're not getting the
go-ahead from bad teachers.
- In fact, it seems like a
lot of the adults' behavior
enables bad behavior on
the parts of students.
There's arbitrary demerit
systems handed out,
and you can just randomly
win for no reason at all.
- "Randomly win?
I'm sorry, you can keep going.
You're making a lot of...
I'm a nurse, so you're just making
a lot of good points to me."
He kinda looks over at Dr. B,
and Dr. B's like, "No one
takes my class on purpose."
- Well, honestly Dr. B,
we'll probably end up
taking your class on
purpose next semester,
if only to kick it with you
'cause you're one of
the only real teachers.
- "Thank you."
- But real talk,
right now Sam is talking
to the Headmistress,
and we just kinda wanna get over there
just in case some sh*t
goes down and we need to...
I don't think we're gonna-
- "No, no, no, no,
I'm gonna stop you there.
What do you think you
will do if some stuff...
What do you think is gonna go down?
Okay, she is kind of a b*tch.
We all know it, it's very obvious.
Have you seen her be in extent in a place?
I get it, we all get it,
but she's the headmistress of the school,
she was given a great responsibility,
and I don't know what you
think is going to happen."
- I don't know, but-
- "She's not going to harm
a student, that's wild.
Not even you all."
- Why was she so eager
for Evan to go through with
his [clears throat] procedure?
- She came up and knew
about the procedure.
Did you tell her about it?
- I mean, yes, you're
part of the pilot program
and if one of you makes a choice-
- They don't have freedom of speech here,
so I thought patient-doctor
confidentiality
might've been a thing, but-
- I don't-
- Is that a thing in the UK?
- It's an incredibly great thing
in the United States of America.
- "Well, you're about
to be sent back there,
so I don't know what to tell you."
- Wait, what?
- No, you're part of the pilot program.
If any of you leave or fail out,
or have any sort of markedly bad behavior
that reflects on what you represent,
the entire process would
be kind of a wash."
- That part was never explained to me!
- "'Cause why would we want to put-"
- If I left they would all get kicked out?
- And not just-
- "No, no, no, no.
Mm, probably a little bit."
- Us, it's that-
- "I mean, maybe, I don't know."
- It's that the entire race
of humans would not be-
- "Here's the thing.
I do have to say this one more time.
Wizards are humans.
Wizards are humans."
- We get that.
- "Yeah, okay, you said it-"
- Yeah, we know that.
- "You said it kind of weird and-"
- I'm sorry.
- "You're very kind of sparkly.
The eye travels."
- Look, Sam could be in trouble.
We wanted to come here and tell you
that I'm not going to-
- "If Sam's with the Headmistress,
she's not in trouble other than if she-"
- Hey, Nurse.
- "What?"
- Adults hurt kids all the time.
It happens all the time.
It happens every day in
every country on the planet.
- "I just can't imagine a world
in which as the steward of this program
she would want anything
bad to happen to you
'cause that would reflect badly on her,
and if I know anything else about her,
it's that she does not
enjoy being made a fool of."
- Okay, Nurse, got it.
Well, I'm sorry that you had to build
that whole seance table.
[laughing]
- "I feel like you don't
mean that even a little bit."
- No, I do.
I just want you to understand
that when we say that things are wrong,
we're not coming at them
from a place of ignorance.
- "Okay.
Then what do you suggest that-"
- We should go help our friend.
- Yeah.
- Yes.
- I'm gonna...
Yeah.
- Take off.
- Take off for Sam.
- Yeah.
Y'all roll out.
And because nothing drastic happened,
all of your mice...
As you run and get in range of your web,
that link that's with
Teddy kind of spiders out
and you just get this hold,
and they're waiting for
something if something happens.
- All right.
- And nothing's happened,
and you're able to walk
down, out of the turret,
and meet your friends at
the bottom of the stairs.
- Okay, perfect.
Because I had just spent all of that time
explaining the plot of "Terminator
[laughing]
- Son of a-
- While trying to figure
out if anybody was coming.
- Yeah, yeah.
She's like, "Noted."
- Yeah, so then he does the thumbs up.
- "Please leave."
[laughing]
- And he goes down, and it's really sad.
He's like, "I know why you cry,
but I could never do that."
Okay, I think I'll-
- Brains roll.
Difficulty of five.
- Oh no.
Come on, 'splodey, come on, 'splodey.
Two.
[laughing]
- What I will give you, is
she's obviously very annoyed
and tired of this interaction,
but she doesn't seem confused
by the things you're saying,
like cyborg and movie,
a lot of that facade has
dropped and she's just,
"Yes, okay, cool,
it was a robot and I get
it, and there's g*ns.
Move along."
- And I guess I would
hear that they're coming.
Okay, sweet, just, it
was a really sweet story
worth a lot of life lessons.
Thank you so much.
[laughing]
I start leaving now that I
know that they're coming.
- You're able to meet at
the bottom of the turret.
- You good?
- I just...
I just snitched.
- Yes, but I mean, it's...
Hmm.
I really can't reconcile
that one, actually.
- No, it's not a snitch.
You're stress testing the
corruption of the system.
None of us actually believe
that Philtrum's gonna do jack sh*t, right?
- Yeah, exactly.
- It's a litmus test to see
how f*ck' phony all these grownups are.
- Yeah.
- That's the one.
f*ck the system.
- Yes.
- There we go, I f*cked the system.
- Yes.
- Yeah.
- Quite.
- Cool.
- So you lodged this formal complaint,
but we know that these...
I mean,
I don't know what else to do
other than just confront
Tallulah about it,
'cause I'll be real, I doubt
Tallulah struck out on her own
to do that sh*t without
getting a green light
from some adult in charge.
- Well, perhaps Sam can do a little bit
of fact finding on her date?
- Oh, that's right.
I do have a date.
- Tell me the whole thing.
I just haven't heard much about it.
- We're gonna go to Bibble's Bog
and we're gonna have a drink
and it's gonna be amazing,
unless he's super mad at me
that I just snitched out
his house, so it could be-
- Why don't we smash cut to that?
Boop, it's a week later.
[laughing]
- Incredible, incredible.
- It's next Saturday,
and the security around
all of Gowpenny is such
that you don't get to leave the grounds.
It is a secure place.
So it becomes a big deal
when fourth years and above
are able to leave campus
to go to the little village
at the bottom of the hill.
And it's a quaint, tiny British town,
village really, known as Bibble's Bog.
And as you go in, you can see
little signs and streamers
and you hear music playing.
And some of the signage
that you all four see,
if you go, as you walk up,
is that it's the founders
festival in town.
And yeah.
Generally speaking, the plan
was just to meet at some point
at the Questing Beast.
- Okay.
So, I assume it's about
time to go meet over there.
- Totally.
- So I'm at the Questing Beast.
- Yep.
- Just hanging out.
- Yeah.
So you're over there, and you walk in,
and it's cute little
just quintessential pub,
except you see a very short
dwarven-looking older woman
with a big bushy beard that's well-kept.
She's proud of this beard.
And she kind of, "Hello.
Hello, you."
- Hi, I'm meeting a date, a friend here.
- "Mm, okay."
- I'm meeting a Fergus, is that?
- "Oh, I don't know a bunch of students,
but oh, no, no, no, Fergus and Digby.
Heroes, yes, good.
Yes, good.
Well, welcome.
Can I get you a drink?
This is the Questing Beast.
We have games and drinks, and-"
- Oh, what kind of drinks do you have?
And what is the legal
drinking age in this tavern?
- "17, I guess."
[laughing]
- All right.
I will take your sweetest drink,
the one that tastes the least like liquor
with the most liquor in it.
- "Whiskey, that's fine."
- So we've all come to?
- [Group] Bibble's Bog.
- Bibble's Bog.
- Here, let me give you
a little extra context.
As you walk through the town
and you get the really brief,
"Bibble's Bog's Founder Festival".
As you pass through the
main plaza in the center,
there's this beautiful fountain
with a statue in the middle of
a man with cool mutton chops
and an old-timey well-dressed little suit
reaching up and drowning in
the middle of the fountain.
And there's a little song being played
about Sir Bibble that came to try
to make the town become
part of this magical union,
and all of the druids in this area
basically summoned a peat bog
under his feet and drowned him,
and they thought it was so funny
that they named this town after him.
[laughing]
- Wow.
- Oh my god.
- Yeah.
- Cool.
- Yeah, tight.
- And this is what the festival is for?
- Yeah.
[laughing]
- Okay, cool.
- You actually see singing,
you see Frunthwinkle's
actually in the back
singing very loudly this song,
as the legacy of the druids that are like,
"Yeah, f*ck the man."
[laughing]
We drown it, we get it.
She's eating this little
dark black pudding.
- That's so dark.
- It's called Nibble's Bog
and it's just a little-
- And there's a little
model man inside of it-
- Yeah, it's a little cookie.
It's a little cookie, and
you just dip the cookie.
[laughing]
- Damn.
England's bad.
- I mean, I can kinda get behind
k*lling a dude who came
somewhere to be like,
"Yo, this is mine," but then being like,
"This ain't yours," and drowning him.
But I think naming the town,
this is just extra.
- Renaming.
- Renaming, yes.
- The town definitely
had a name before.
- And then they thought it was funny,
and they were like, "This is-"
- "We should name the town
after that m*rder we did."
[laughing]
- A week later Dream's gotten
a little of the chaos under
control, and things are...
It's a little toned down.
It's not as sparkly,
and she's still wearing pink.
It's a little more in her style,
there's pink fishnets and stuff.
- [Aabria] Nice.
- I wonder if...
Because these cloaks have hoods.
They have hoods, and you know,
it seems like these wizards are just like,
"If you have a hood up
you're just completely nondescript.
I say we just go into the pub
and hide out in a corner
or something and listen in.
- Classic.
- Classic.
- Right?
- I mean,
probably, honestly it would be good.
You could learn some game, you know?
It'll be good.
- Hey, I don't have any of that.
[laughing]
- I don't know where you guys are at,
but Dream deserves some of that, you know?
Get some game.
- Yeah, actually, that's...
Yeah.
- Game.
- Oh.
- We can-
- Sorry, yeah, for sure.
I remember what you...
I can buy you a drink if you want.
But if you don't want that,
then you don't have to worry about that.
But if you want one, I can get you one.
But again, there's no pressure.
I'm not gonna drink alcohol
because I value self-control
for reasons that you're both
intimately familiar with.
- Cleo slides in behind your shoulder
and just doesn't say anything,
is just watching, like
"This is a nightmare."
- It's pretty crazy.
- "Oh, god."
- But ultimately it's your decision,
and what's important is...
By the way, I've been thinking-
- "I started in the castle and I got here
and this was happening the whole time."
- I remember what you said last week
right when we found Sam
where you mentioned,
"Evan thinks that he only
has value to the group
because of his use to people."
And I've been thinking a lot about that,
and I wanted to say that you're so right
and self-worth is hard.
But I've been very unloved, and so-
- "Want me to grab you a drink?"
- Yeah, when we practiced this
when we were lifting
weights, it was way shorter.
[laughing]
- "That's fair.
It's super fair."
- I told him, "You can just say,
'I'll buy you a drink if
you want,'" and that was it.
But this is 15 minutes.
- So I don't want you to think
that me buying you a drink
is like getting the weights
for Jammer, and it's not, it's-
- [shushing] You're so bad at words.
- You have a drink now in your hand.
They're both just standing
outside watching you two.
- You're so bad at words.
But it's all right.
Yes.
A lot of times we're the
product of our environment.
For instance, I hated pink
because it was internalized
misogyny, but you know-
- Right.
- Okay, I guess it turns out
that was actually the play.
I was wrong, this is the conversation.
She wanted this.
- "That's wild."
- Well done.
- Gender's more of a spectrum anyway
in terms of experimenting with that.
- "Whoa, they're the same."
- Okay, let's go outside.
- "Do you wanna go anywhere else?"
- We're gonna go, you guys sleuth,
I'm gonna go hang out with Khanh.
- Yes, go for it.
- "Hey, I can hear you."
- No.
No you didn't.
[laughing]
- "You know what we aren't gonna do?"
- What's that?
- "I'll whoop your a*s.
You're not gonna gaslight me.
No thank you."
- But you know what I mean.
- "Yeah."
- Did I ruin it?
I'm so sorry.
- You didn't ruin it for me.
- "Oh yeah, no."
- I mean, if anything-
- "This is game, and you're not gonna...
Nah."
- Yeah, you're okay.
- "You don't have that power."
- I know, I know, I know.
[laughing]
- All right, I'll check in with you.
- "Oh, you're corny."
- He's corny as hell.
- I am from Iowa.
[laughing]
- Cleo just like, tips.
- So glad you like that.
- Yes.
Yes, this is delightful.
- Okay.
I'm sorry.
Yeah, I'm sorry.
I'm gonna get better about
knowing that you like me
not because I can do stuff.
But also, nothing makes me happier
than being able to do stuff for you guys.
So that's also true.
Can I get you anything to drink?
- Yeah, I'd like a drink.
- Great.
I sprint into the bar.
[laughing]
- Two arm.
- You go inside
and Fergus has already
kinda slid in and was like,
"Hey, how are you doing?"
- Hi.
I'm doing okay.
- "Whoa, what are you drinking?
I can smell it from
here, that's kinda wild.
Can I have that too?"
And the little lady's, "Sure.
Weird, they're drinking way more...
That's fine.
More money for me."
And she slides around and
brings Fergus a drink too.
And you actually notice that she's wearing
little sneakers that are hot
pink and neon under her robes.
- Oh, those are great kicks.
Where'd you get those?
- "Kicks.
These are my Jammers.
I got them from the shop down the street.
Do you see?
- Wait-
- And she kicks her foot up in the air
like a super high kick,
and they look like a super knock-off pair
of the shoes that Jammer was wearing
when y'all got to Vertiq Alley
at the beginning of the term.
- Oh, that's nice.
It's got those things-
- "It's got colors,
and the bottoms are soft."
- Right.
- "Instead of, you know,
hard wood or rubber,
and they don't curl up at the end."
- Yeah.
- "Like a witch shoe,
which is very uncomfortable.
And I look fresh as f*ck."
- You do look fresh as f*ck.
- "Thank you.
Here's your drink.
I put extra in it.
You two have a very nice time.
Do you want me to bring over...
Do you need a selection of board games
'cause there's three?
There's three games."
- Three games?
- "Yeah."
[laughing]
- I'll turn that to...
Fergil, do you want to
play a game, Fergus?"
- Fergus kinda looks over
and looks over at the shelf
and there's three sad board games.
There's two sets of board
games and a deck of cards.
He's like, "I'm good.
We could just talk 'cause
we don't really have
that many opportunities to do that."
- Yeah, we'll just talk.
Thank you.
- "Cool.
Okay, goodbye."
She's bouncing back behind the bar,
and does the innkeeper
motion, just cleans one glass.
Waits for another interaction.
- That glass is so clean.
Yeah, I ordered a drink a little strong.
I'm a little nervous,
I don't really do this
very often in person.
I collab with people.
- "Collab?
What's collab-ing?"
- You know, I don't know
what collab stands for,
I just know that what you do is,
is when you have two people
and they wanna create something together
or they wanna work together,
you call it a collab.
- "Oh, like the word
collaboration, got it."
- No, I don't think that's right.
- "Oh, I'm sorry.
You know, that's on me.
It's cool.
Not very smart.
Very pretty, not smart though.
That's fine, that's fine."
- So, tell me about yourself.
How long have you been doing wizard stuff?
- I don't know, my whole life.
And he goes on a
five-minute rant about like,
"I'm the youngest of five brothers.
Literally all the other ones
are playing professional sports,
or working in the Ministry,
sports department,
so you know, that's my thing.
Don't know if I'm necessarily..."
He actually starts opening up to you.
I'm not gonna make you roll for it
'cause you kind of just have
this passive charm effect.
And he's just like, "I mean honestly,
I feel like I'm super well trained
but not necessarily naturally talented,
but I try really hard."
- Yeah, you seem like you try really hard.
When we played that game
earlier, a week ago,
I could tell that you were really-
- "Just doing my best."
- Trying hard.
You were, you were doing great.
- "Got the sh*t kicked
out of me by your friend,
but that's fine.
It happens."
- Yeah.
Real sorry about that.
Things on the pitch,
as I think you call it-
- "We called it a field the whole time,
but I know pitch is a British
word, so it seems fine."
- I looked up some words so I'd know-
- "Oh, that's really nice of you."
- Some of the things that you say.
- "Thank you.
That's really sweet."
- But yeah,
it just gets a little rough.
But the trio, the trio, you
were holding it down until,
you know, that part where Tallulah
tried to m*rder my friend.
But that's-
- "Look, okay...
I'll be super honest.
I didn't know she was gonna do that,
and I'm really happy that your
friends got out of the way,
but I talked to her...
It was really shitty,
and I'm really sorry."
- Thank you.
- "And I'm glad you didn't get hurt.
I know a couple people
got sh*t in their arm,
but you know, wizard stuff."
- I wonder where she...
Sam's not good at this.
I wonder where she got the idea
to do something like that.
- Charm roll, difficulty of...
This has gotta be pretty high.
Let's go 14.
- 14?
- Yeah.
[Danielle exhales]
- 15.
[gasping]
- And he gets really quiet.
Then he sips his drink.
And you see that slow blink of,
that's a very strong drink.
And I think the mixture
of him being near an intoxicating person
and an intoxicating drink,
after a good two minutes of silence
he puts down the empty glass,
he does the ice sip like just...
[coughs] "I mean...
Like, I think you're great.
I know not a lot of people
like you all and want you...
I know they're trying
to keep NAMPs from...
'Cause you know you can
learn magic or whatever,
anyone can, but if anyone
can then no one's special,
so you know...
So that would be why, if
she did it for that reason,
or told Tallulah that she could do it
and nothing would happen.
But I don't really know."
- Who's "she"?
You said if "she" told Tallulah.
- "I mean, Boudicca.
Boudicca, that's a stupid name."
- I'm sorry. [laughs]
- "She's got a stupid name."
- It's a stupid name.
- "It's a stupid name.
You have a really nice name, Sam."
- Oh, thank you.
I tested it for weeks.
I wasn't sure.
- "Tested.
I don't know what that means.
It sounds like magic."
- You know, creating is always magic
when you're just in the
middle of it, you know?
- "Mm-hmm, mm-hmm."
- So, "she" meaning
the Headmistress?
- "I mean...
Like, eh, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah."
- Oh.
Well that's awful.
- "I know, right?"
- Did Tallulah tell you that, or?
- Oh, no, at the beginning of the year
when she was just like,
"The exchange students are coming in
and you know what this means
for you all if this goes off."
So it was less of like,
'Go and do shitty things,'
which is why I yelled at
her in the first place.
That felt like too far, but you know?"
- Yeah.
- If we get you to leave
then it's W column.
- Oh.
- Go Hercinil.
- Don't use slang Jammer
taught you to f*ck us.
[laughing]
- We're in the corner, right?
We can hear this?
- Yeah, you can hear all of this.
- I'm gonna go.
I come back with the most
expensive drink in the bar
and the cheapest.
[laughing]
- Glass of water and this
weird thing with levels,
and there's magic and smoke.
- Where am I supposed to go in?
There's so many umbrellas.
- There's not a port of entry on that.
- I have no idea.
- Well, thank you.
- I have no idea.
- Of course, that's fine.
That's fine.
- Oh gosh.
- I hope it's-
- Again, you don't have
to buy validation from me.
- I have an academic
understanding that I'm worthy
and on an emotional level, I
gotta be doing stuff for you.
- I could fix you.
- I know.
- I can fix this.
- Ah.
- I can fix you.
- I would love you trying.
Yeah, absolutely.
- We got a lot-
- I don't know that this is 100% healthy,
but we're gonna get there together.
- And we cut from that
to Cleo and Jammer walking and talking.
- "Are you ready for the tournament?"
- Yeah, the Scuppers tournament?
- "No, not the Scuppers tournament.
It's not a tournament, it's
just house games, or whatever.
No, the tournament."
- Oh, between the houses?
I don't know about the tournament.
- "Literally later today.
What are you doing?
There's other...
Wait, hold on.
Are you f*cking with me right now?"
- [laughs] Yeah, 'cause I know.
Yeah, of course.
Come on, girl.
Why you think-
- Grit roll.
[laughing]
Difficulty of eight.
- All right.
Come on now, come on now.
[laughs] That's a two.
- Oh no!
- No.
- You guys are walking
and does a full-stop,
and grabs your shirt and
pulls you close like,
"You literally have no...
What?
Okay, stop doing whatever
the f*ck this sh*t is.
You need to stop."
- I don't know what the tournament is.
- "Just make eye contact with me!"
- I don't know what the tournament is!
- "That's wild.
Okay.
There's literally a huge
thing happened today.
Why do you think we're all allowed here?
'Cause they're doing a ton of stuff
on the campus right now for...
No, this cannot.
The four of you are the
other team from Gowpenny."
- Hold on.
- "Are you kidding me?"
- We've been doing-
- "This is bullshit."
- A lot of other stuff, all right?
- "I'm not yelling at you
'cause I'm assuming no one told you."
- I'm not mad at you!
I'm mad at myself for not knowing things!
And now I'm being vulnerable and f*ck'-
- "I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry."
- No, don't apologize.
This is on me right now!
- "No, it's not your fault
and I feel-"
- Hey, honestly,
I need to...
I'm gonna...
- "Yo-"
- Teddy's sitting up
in the tree being like,
with the popcorn.
- I don't know if my
basketball is anywhere near me.
I would like to make my basketball appear.
Jammer needs something to
do with his hands right now
'cause he needs to be in his body,
because he's entirely
in his mind right now.
- Yeah, for sure.
We'll call it a Brawn
roll, difficulty of six.
- Great.
Take half.
- Yeah, for sure.
Sorry.
- Basketball appears,
immediately just starts
doing dribbling drills.
- "What are you...
Can you-"
- Sorry.
I have to get out of my head right now.
- "No, it's fine, it's fine.
I'll wait."
- Hey, I'm so sorry, I got really upset.
- "You know what?
Take a good 30.
I'm gonna try to organize my thoughts
so I feel like I don't stress you out more
while expressing the importance
of what I need to tell you."
- 100%.
- "For the rest of your day."
- 100%.
- "Whoo."
- Honestly, I really like you.
- "Yeah, you know what?
I think you're really cool too,
and I'm happy you're here,
and I hope you don't die later today.
And that's why I would like
to have this conversation
whenever you're feeling much better."
- Yep, yep, okay.
Yep.
- "Yep, cool."
- Hey man, how's your thing going?
- Bad.
- What happened?
- She called me out on some
bullshit and I freaked out
'cause you know, come on, I'm
Jammer, man, I'm not like-
- You're not about that.
Exactly.
- I keep it tight.
- You keep it tight.
- It was very loose.
But hey, I'm back in my body, all right?
Ball's in the hand.
- Great, calming down.
My thing, I got two sentences in
and just went sideways.
- I was listening with Cleo.
- "Hey boys, can I tell
you about the thing now?
I know it's important for
you to have friendships,
but I cannot overstate
how much I have to get
this information to you."
- I finished the drink and
they let me keep the cup!
- "Jesus f*cking...
[laughing]
My actual f*ck."
- Wait, you got to keep the cup?
- "Why is this like this."
- That's sick.
- Oh my god, also,
vast wizard conspiracy!
- Oh my god!
- I overheard Sam talking to Fergus.
- Hey, I'm right here.
- Sam! What's up?
Oh my god.
- Oh my god. Okay.
- Okay, vast wizard-
- Cleo looks over
your shoulder as Fergus
is getting up and leaving,
and she kinda gives a little nod like.
- Cleo, first of all.
- "Hi."
- First of all, the clock's in its place,
that's a fast 30 minutes.
Number two, mm.
- Anybody can learn magic.
Anybody.
- "Yeah."
- Yep.
- "That's like a whole thing
in the papers before you got here."
- So we've been coasting
along under the assumption
that people are born with certain gifts,
but instead of a secret
community of people
with inborn natural abilities
protecting themselves through
a clandestine secret society,
what we instead have is a
possible worldwide resource
of limitless power being hoarded
by people who could absolutely share it
with any and everyone.
- We have had-
- "You got there really quick."
- So many world wars and atrocities.
- Did you guys-
- I cannot stress to you-
- "Well hold on, let me be fair,
those wars would be worse in...
But that's the whole thing.
You are the proof of concept that,
given to people who
aren't in the communities
that learns to respect
magic from the beginning
that it's an okay thing.
And oh my god, no one
told any of this to you."
- We were pretty much dropped here-
- "Everyone at Hercinil-"
- On our first day
with absolutely no instruction.
- Yeah, she gave us a brief rundown
and then left when the owl rang,
and made us shop by ourselves.
We've been flying by the seat of our pants
straight up since day one.
- I have fallen through a
lot of institutional cracks
in the United States government.
At no point have I ever
encountered adults more cavalier
than here in magical England.
It is wild how little
heads up or information
we've been given about any of this.
And this is
revolutionary.
- Now, crazy thing
that also needs to be said
is that Cleo's about to tell us
that we could die today,
about some other really important sh*t-
- "I've been waiting my
turn the whole time."
- That's also going down
on top of this conspiracy.
We're eating a big sandwich
right now, all right?
- [exhaling] This McRib
goes all the way down.
[laughing]
- This is a Rib Deluxe,
my guy, bones and all.
- Now that's what you call a Rib Deluxe.
- "And none of that means anything to me.
And I really have to get you up to speed."
- Yes, all right.
I think we are not ready for it,
but we're gonna give space to this.
- "There's a tournament,
happens every couple of
years with other schools,
Rosemont, and Tunavik.
There's two teams from every school.
They compete a bunch of magical...
I feel like you're nodding
like you f*cking get what I'm...
This is huge.
Okay, I can't tell where you know...
You know what? No.
See, [sighs] I get it,
that's why I get your vibe,
the whole thing is very frustrating-"
- I have bad vibes.
Please continue.
- "Anyway.
They're there now.
The tournament is in
minutes, you need to go.
And if you haven't been
preparing for what's...
This is-"
- How could we prepare?
Why wouldn't people have told us?
- "I mean I'm with the trio
'cause it has to be teams of four."
- Are we competing against the trio?
- "All the teams compete-
- We're competing against-
- It's okay, Fergus is real drunk.
[laughing]
- My man.
- You're telling me in a castle
where on day one you can
learn to send a paper airplane
that finds anybody and
write anything on it
that no one popped a memo
over to the Chimeron common room?
"Hey, g*ng, lethal tournament alert."
That could've happened yesterday
and we'd have twice as much warning.
- Hey, but here's the thing, guys.
- "You should've known all term long
that you were selected.
Okay, I get it, I get it.
Everyone here is trying
to f*ck you, I get that,
so I'm not gonna be surprised...
I don't like looking at him.
I'm gonna look at you."
- It's a lot.
- It's a lot.
- I love you to death, but it's a lot.
- I love you to death and I get it.
- Okay, so there's a tournament.
- "Why are you holding a-"
And she tries to grab the
drink out of your hand.
[Danielle groans]
Flight roll, opposed Flight roll.
- Flight or Fight.
- Are you trying...
Hold on, you trying to swing?
- Flight.
- Yeah, Flight, just to get out of Dodge.
Hers is...
You have to beat a two.
- [laughs] Okay.
- Four.
- Yeah.
- "Why is that the fastest I've
ever seen you f*cking move?
Cool, please stop drinking.
I'm going to go over to
Fergus and draft a potion
to sober his raggedy a*s up
because I'm not dying today.
It is difficult.
This is high-level wizard sh*t
and you guys have been doing
magic for like, four months?"
- Then why were we volunteered?
- "What part of...
They need you to fail so
magic can stay secret!
- Oh, somebody submitted
us to be the people
so that we would lose, or die.
- "My god, yeah."
- Okay.
- Do you mean that about this tournament,
or do you mean that
about our entire involvement
here at Gowpenny?
- "I don't know.
I don't think it's everyone
because it was a whole
thing in the papers,
and there were marches about trying
to bring magic to more people,
and then they approached...
And Headmistress Philtrum
was the one that was like,
'We'll do a pilot program
and prove if this works,'
and oh, oh, I hear myself now.
- All right.
Here's all I need to understand.
Is this something that if we win it,
we f*ck' will smash it in
the other people's faces?
- "I mean-"
- Is there a way to body them-
- "Hold, hey, not about you.
This is a me moment here.
I understand you and I
understand your motivations.
f*cking yes.
If you crush it, it's good for everyone."
- Bro, it's on.
- "There we go.
That's my boy."
- Let me tell you right now-
- "Please put your wand down."
- The four of us are
about to walk up in there
and show them we mean business.
What's the thing you
said on the first day?
What the thing that you
said on the first day
when the guy was on fire?
- Oh, that was a busy day.
A lot happened.
- Yeah,
there was a lot happening.
[laughing]
Remember, it was the thing you said,
we were in class together.
Does anybody remember it?
- It was really good.
- I remember it, but it feels cooler
if somebody else does it.
- Was it...
Oh, we're the heroes.
- We're the heroes!
- We are the heroes.
- We are the heroes.
- We're the heroes.
- All right?
We all met in an alley, and
we didn't know each other,
and we were scared of each other,
but we are Team Muggle!
Muggle!
- Whoo!
- Muggle!
- Muggle!
- Cleo's gone, by the way.
- Yeah, that's fine.
Even though we're wizards now,
we were Team Muggle, we'll
always be Team Muggle,
and we're about to kick
some non-Chimeron a*s.
- Yes.
- Yeah!
- Yeah, all right.
Chimeron on three, family
on six, Muggle on nine.
Just to f*ck with 'em.
One, two, three.
- Chimeron!
- Four five six.
- Family!
- Seven, eight, nine.
- Muggle!
[cheering]
- Okay.
That was...
Literally, there were three witches
in little head flower
things dancing around
a maypole that was slowly
sinking to the ground.
They really like this die-in-a-bog thing.
And everyone has stopped.
They're staring at you.
- Oh, did we ruin the dead
guy in the bog festival
with our impropriety?
[laughing]
You all got a little
corpse in your puddin'!
Figure it out!
- This is good energy.
- U-S-A!
[laughing]
- Sam, the voice.
- Oh, I know.
- It's so wet!
[laughing]
I'm in this f*cking bog!
- Yes.
Oh my god.
- Okay.
- Frunthwinkle's now
chanting very sweetly, "USA,"
she's the one that's still
going around the maypole like,
"I'm into this."
- We're gonna smash this.
- USA.
- Yeah.
- That's the deal, baby,
undeniable.
- Undeniable.
- Yeah, make it hard.
Fine, f*ck you.
- You're the best at the things
you do that I've ever seen,
and it's mostly 'cause
I've never seen anyone else
do any of the things you do before
because I grew up in Chicago
and not in a wizard world.
But you're the best at charming people,
you are the best,
you're better than any Disney
Princess I've ever seen,
and you used to be scary
and now you're not scary,
but now you're scary in a different way.
- Yes.
[laughing]
- Let's go rock this sh*t.
- Let's go rock this sh*t.
- Yes.
Captain.
- Yes.
- Whoo!
- A little woozy.
- Anything else you
wanna do before you all-
- I'm gonna make a...
I'm gonna use a spell
to help sober Sam up.
- Oh, that's a good idea.
- That's a Charm roll for sure.
- Grit is apparently for protecting people
or healing people, or dispelling magic.
So can I do Grit?
- Love it.
Thank you.
- Yay.
- Difficulty of 10.
- Okay.
Oh, I can just take half.
- Oh, but you rolled already.
What'd you get?
- Oh, okay.
Six.
Eight.
- Oh, I'll throw an
Adversity token on that.
Just being like, "Hydrate."
[laughing]
Just yeah, I pull out a bottle
of water from somewhere.
- You would have electrolytes, too.
- Of course.
Yeah, I throw just some quick protein...
We got the gym now, so you know I've got-
- We've been pumping-
- Oh, I've been in there
with you just-
- Shaker bottle, yeah.
- Just like, man, it's hard.
My wingspan, it's hard to
put mass on to have the like-
- We can work on this.
We can work on this.
- I can't do a pushup.
[laughing]
- Do you need anymore?
Or did you make it with the-
- Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
We made it.
- Yeah.
- Yes, good, burn the tokens here.
- Yes.
- I'm just gonna fall in behind Jammer.
I'm just literally there with the wand.
- Y'all are f*cking jocks now.
- I'm just like, whatever
Jammer's looking at
it gets a mean mug over
his shoulder from me.
Like one of those Dracula owls.
[laughing]
- Is Fergus still in the area
or have they already left?
- Not even a little bit.
- Okay.
They dipped out and y'all have...
It's not that they started walking away,
they disappeared level got out.
And it was about an hour walk to get down-
- All right.
Should we transport?
Can we...
Transport.
- Do you know how to do that?
- Do we know where we're going?
We're just going back to the-
- You're just going back
to the school.
- Okay.
We should teleport there.
- Do you know how to teleport?
- I don't know.
No, of course not.
I also don't know how to summon weights,
so I'll probably just split
us into a bunch of pieces.
We should jog it out.
- We have our brooms with us.
- Oh, sh*t.
- In our backpacks.
- Yeah.
[whooshing]
Great, let's fly.
Great.
- Beautiful.
- You all fly back,
and it's as though
everything has already begun.
You're not super late 'cause
you did use your brooms
instead of running like-
- Jogging it out.
- Yeah.
[laughing]
But you come back, and
the castle is different.
There's a bunch of stadium
seating that's been put in,
and it's packed full of wizards,
and they're cheering
because it's already begun.
And you can look down and over.
You crest up the hill and you see
whatever's begun in the center,
and you see flags of red and white,
and kind of teal and blue
that you've never seen before.
Putting together it's
probably the other schools
and other people chanting and cheering.
But the thing that captures your attention
more than anything else
is when you look back at the campus,
something's waiting-
[gasping]
[yelling]
- Oh, wow.
- Breathing hard.
Clawing up the tower and growling,
watching and waiting for their moment.
Welcome to the tournament.
[Brennan gasps]
So you sprint over,
and you see that they're in the mix of...
There's several teams, five
other teams busy at work.
You see cauldron and potion
ingredients in one area,
and a bunch of vegetables,
a lot of root vegetables,
and a girl standing on the side.
It triggers a lot of
"Project Runway" vibes
where she's kind of just
standing in wizard underwear,
sort of waiting for a thing to happen.
And you come over.
The Headmistress storms
over like, "You're late.
And honestly, it's not that surprising.
But there are thousands of
people here to watch this
and we need you to get it together.
First challenge is up
and you are assembling
a bunch of complex magic,
you have to create some
potions in order to transform.
The pumpkin needs to
become a big carriage,
you need to turn mice into humans,
mice into horses, a full...
You know what? f*ck it.
Some bibbidi-bobbidi-bullshit.
And you have to do it
'cause we're trying to
reach out to broader...
I don't need or want to explain it to you.
Trio and Cleo will handle this,
so if you guys could just not
embarrass yourselves, or me,
in front of the crowd."
Good luck.
And she just sort of sweeps away
and heads back and starts watching again.
- All right, let's do it.
Feels like you-
- Yeah.
- We've got potions.
- Yeah, yeah.
- And Sam as charms.
- Yes, mm-hmm.
I feel like this might be some
of that good old Disney sh*t.
- Yeah, I ain't gonna lie.
- Well, yes.
It's what I-
- Sam, sorry,
give me a Brains roll.
Brains roll, difficulty of five.
- Okay, I mean that's fair.
- Three, let's say three.
- One.
- Oh, sweet baby girl.
That's fine.
- Oh.
Yes, well.
That's all right.
Okay, well.
- Don't forget to give
yourselves Adversity tokens.
You have at least three, I know
I haven't seen you take yet.
- Three?
- Yeah.
- So we have to do these challenges.
- Carriage, mice into
footmen, mice into horses.
- "And a dress."
The model is like, "And the dress.
You have to do the dress."
- Oh.
No wait, no wait.
Wait, wait, wait, what am I saying?
I've got this.
All right, everyone.
[singing]
[laughing]
- Charm roll, difficulty of five.
[Erika laughs]
- Magic too?
- Yeah.
- That is
- Yo.
This is sort of like the manicured grounds
in front of the castle,
and yet you can hear the
woods on the far edges
of the castle empty the f*ck out
as flocks of birds rise up and blot out
some of the darkening sky in the evening,
and you can hear a tiny rumble
as it's not like a cute number,
it is hordes of tiny woodland creatures,
up to a badger, is on its way.
Hundreds of them and
flocks of birds come over.
And they stop at
attention waiting for you.
- Well, you all know what to do.
Get to it, then. [cackles]
- And as you cackle-
- I'm feeling something.
That was great.
[laughing]
- They descend upon everything
and they cover every inch of...
It's a swarm, it's a mob,
it's disgusting and creepy.
It's pretty cool.
I need you to make a...
Make a Charm roll for me.
The difficulty's gonna be a 10,
but this is not a snap decision, so-
- Okay.
- Whoo.
- 13!
- Mm.
[laughing]
- Now you made a joke
about letting it go before,
but this is that but wrong.
It's a mixture of
"Frozen" and "Cinderella"
and "The Secret of NIMH".
It's dark quickly, and
tendrils of your magic,
pink and glittering, but
edged in this sort of black
that drinks the light around it
swarms through and dives into this...
None of the rest of you
can get anywhere near what's happening.
All you can do is stand and watch
as the chaos magic of
Karen Tanaka takes effect.
And after just a few moments,
all of this roiling
mass of creatures stops,
and the birds scatter up and away,
and the creatures back away
back into the periphery,
waiting for approval as...
You describe what
everything looks like to me.
And it's exactly what you want it to be.
[Erika squeals]
[slow music]
- So there are four sleek stallions there,
just bridled up,
and the bridling is rose gold
and dark black leather
that smells incredible.
And there is a gown that is fiber optics,
like Claire Danes from the Met Gala 2017.
- Yo, yep.
- That's right.
- We're all here.
- Right?
So it's like from "Cinderella"
but glow-in-the-dark.
And there is a g*dd*mn bright red Tesla-
- Yeah!
- Sorry, a horse-drawn Tesla?
- Tesla.
And the little animals
have somehow constructed
a functioning battery-
- Working.
Yeah.
- Like an electric battery.
- Where did those mice get lithium?
- You have a Gigafactory
of woodland creatures
and you made a...
Yeah, that makes sense.
- Right.
- Now what does the gown look like?
And let me just add a
little dazzle as you think,
'cause your model who was standing there
in her magical wizard
underwear is just screaming.
[laughing]
And having been covered-
- She's got mice and all-
- From top to tip with mice.
- So it's the Claire
Danes Met Gala ballgown,
but it's just got actual magic glow to it.
- Yeah.
- There's pyrotechnics sparking out,
there's animatronics around in the back,
waving their weird arms.
- That's sick.
- It's just something
Eldritch to behold.
- She looks down at herself.
[breathing heavily] "Oh.
Wait, do I look good?
Do I look good?
Do I look good?"
- You look so good.
- "I look super good?"
- You know, I feel like perhaps
Broken Dream is a little-
- [gasps] "My dress glows."
- I think maybe I'm
gonna experiment with K.
- "K."
- Yeah.
- K?
- K.
- K is an awesome-
- "I look really good.
I'm gonna get in the...
What is the red thing?
Is it a carriage?
I don't understand.
Get in the back."
And she just sort of slides into the back.
Doesn't really know what to do
'cause she's never seen a car before.
[laughing]
"It's a short carriage,
but it's pretty good.
You did a good...
It's good."
- I think I'm looking...
I don't think I look at the model at all,
I think I'm just looking at K.
Evan clearly is head over heels for K,
but it's always been that apologetic,
"I don't know how to...
I'm bumbling."
'Cause the goth phase was
when we weren't connecting
because we were going past each other,
and then the princess phase
you were still grappling with stuff,
but this weird subversion of
dark shadowy bubblegum of like,
I think Evan's like, "This is really good.
You look really...
This is really good.
Not that this-"
- And a firework shoots up and sparks.
- Sorry, I'm gonna get
my head in the game.
Whoo, I've been very nervous.
That feeling in my body was
not a feeling of nervousness,
it was a different.
- Chase that.
Chase that.
[laughing]
- Yeah, there was not a lack of clarity.
You know what I mean?
- Yeah, exactly.
- For sure, yeah.
- Firework goes up,
explodes in the darkening sky.
It rains down gold glitter,
and you see a pair of Gowpenny hands
as you guys are the first
to successfully complete your task.
[Brennan gasps]
[clapping]
- Way to go, g*ng!
I'm gonna pick you up and be like,
"That's awesome!"
- There you go.
That's Goat House right there.
- Goat House!
- Goat House.
- All day, dude.
- Whoo!
- Whoo.
- And you actually hear
the student section,
mostly Chimeron 'cause that's
mostly what the school is,
is chanting "Goat House,"
and they're looking over at the adults
who are just like, "What?
I don't...
I don't understand."
- There it is.
- "Is this what the youths are doing?"
- There it is!
- "Goat House!"
Doing it wrong, but "I'm a part of this.
Hooray."
- Full-on Jammer's like,
"Hey, K, can we pick you up?
This is a for sure,
you need to be on some
shoulders right now."
- You have blanket consent, my friend.
- My man.
[groaning]
[laughing]
- Also I'm experimenting with they/them!
- Yay!
- Hey!
Give it up for them!
[cheering]
- And all throughout it's like, "They!"
- Yeah.
[laughing]
- And then very shortly thereafter
another firework goes up,
a blue one for one of the other schools
that quickly finishes up.
It's super traditional,
old-timey dumb-looking carriage
that can't do any sort of...
Those axles break very quickly.
Pretty, not that functional.
And then shortly thereafter
a couple other groups of fireworks
as other people finishes.
The trio finishes fourth,
and Cleo just kinda
looks over on the side.
Just like, "We're all sad,"
and waits for the trio
to kind of start grouping
amongst themselves and talking plans,
and they're just like, "Yeah, what's up?
Yeah, what's up?
Nice." [laughs]
- Yeah.
- She's mouthing to you like,
"You'd look good in that dress."
- I'd, what?
[laughing]
- And she slides back over,
tries to butt herself into the trio,
and they seem a little
loathe to let her back in.
Go on to the next challenge.
And Headmistress Philtrum
kinda walks back out and goes,
"Inspiring.
Truly unexpected.
[sighs] That was the first
of the three challenges,
the next of which is an oldie
but a goodie, and a favorite.
A wizards duel.
So please pick your two strongest
contenders from your teams
and we'll set up a quick
tournament, single elimination.
Choose your fighters.
- I mean, I'm looking
at you two, I gotta say.
- What sort of-
- "No questions."
- Okay.
- "Thank you.
We all know how this works
'cause we were paying attention."
- You guys are scrappy as
hell and you'll rock 'em,
I just know you will.
- I don't know, I feel
like Sam's way of fighting
is a little more, you know?
- Well, Sam did rock those demons,
and I spent my whole life
not being able to rock them.
- All right.
- You're the cap,
you call the shots.
- Yeah, you call it.
- I mean, what can I say?
You guys'll rock.
Go get 'em.
- You got it, Cap.
[clapping]
- Who goes first?
- I will go first.
- "Perfect."
You step up and you're facing off
against this six-foot-four,
straight out of extra from
"The Vikings" looking dude,
Nordic, in a bunch of teal and blue robes.
Kind of looks down and you
and he starts to talk a little trash
in a language I didn't think
to research before I got here,
so I'm not gonna butcher it.
And just sort of says something,
it sounds like vague smack talk,
but he looks super neutral.
- I don't know what you're saying.
I think that all of those are words.
I have no way of knowing.
But I'm just gonna say that,
you know, have a good fight,
and I hope that you...
I'm glad you have your
height to use in advantage,
and good game.
Sam doesn't know sports,
so she just tosses out all stuff.
Good game, good game.
- Yeah.
You have a passive effect that sort of,
it just sort of rolls off you,
especially the more you talk.
And you notice this guy
that was super stone-faced
before kinda smirks,
and he holds up his wand.
And you were kinda twiddling it, and he.
"Mm."
- Mm-hmm.
- And then says a couple other words
as though he was saying,
"Please get ready for this.
You can just fling that thing around."
And you hear three chimes.
[chiming]
And in this moment,
what spell effect are
you trying to accomplish?
Do you cast right away?
Are you trying to see what he's gonna do?
We'll resolve it simultaneously,
but I wanna know what
you're thinking and feeling.
- Well the first thing I'm thinking is,
they said people could die
in this and that sounds bad,
so what I wanna do is, I wanna
knock him off of his feet,
almost like it would feel
like if you were playing
a fighting video game,
when someone sweeps the leg.
[laughing]
- Yeah.
- I want it to feel like
I just swept the leg
so that he falls.
- All right, would you consider this
a Fight or a Brawn roll?
- Ooh.
I think it's a Fight roll.
- Okay.
It's just an opposed check,
he's gonna roll Brawn to not
get knocked off of his feet.
As he goes.
- Oh, and this is magic, so let me-
- It is magic, use your magic die.
- I guess I can use mine, too.
- Okay.
And so that is eight.
- You set your spell,
and you watch him go into
"The Matrix" level b*llet time
as things slow down for him
and he ducks and evades your spell.
He kinda gets up.
- Oh, that wasn't very fun.
- He wanted to signal to you
'cause you seem very nice
and not that mean that he's gonna go now.
- Okay.
[laughing]
Please.
- Oh my god.
And he gives a little bow.
And simultaneously, there's
another round of stuff,
and people are just
sending off massive spells,
and you hear concussive bursts
and earth being thrown up,
and you're just having a very nice,
"Okay, now my turn."
He's just gonna try to send
the wand out of your hand
'cause he doesn't wanna be mean to you.
And I will offer in this moment
that if you want to try to counterspell
to do something else, tell
me what you're rolling,
and if you want to do
something that's non-fight,
let me know.
But he's just gonna try to
do a little bit of magic.
- Yeah, I'm definitely gonna
do something that's non-fight.
- Yeah.
- So he's going now?
- Yeah.
So you see him wind up for
a big spell to disarm you.
- Okay.
So he winds up,
but winding up seems like
it's taking a little long.
- A little, yeah.
- A little longer than usual.
So I'm just like, "That's
okay, you take your time, baby.
We got all day."
[laughing]
And because he's doing it slower,
I think out of kindness,
Sam just kinda scooches over
so that it misses and avoids.
- Go ahead and roll for me,
I want you to roll Charm.
- Okay.
- And I'm gonna say the DC for this is...
It's gonna be a 15.
- 15, just out of, yep.
- I'm not gonna let you
have stuff to win anymore.
[laughing]
I'm finally looking and I'm
gonna say good numbers now
and not just, "It's a five, ah sh*t."
- Okay, so that was a six.
[Brennan gasps]
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
- With that big a failure,
you see as you step out of the way
and he sends a really
slow-moving spell past you,
you see a little thread
between the two of you,
your passive effect.
And in his follow-through,
the tip of his wand severs it
and his eyes go dark and goes.
And he's gonna wind up and try to...
You see fire magic being
spun up against you.
- Oh.
- What would you like to do?
- Okay, so now I have to fight.
- Now you have to.
Well, you could try something else.
But he's now winding
up to do a fire spell.
- I'm in the wings getting
ready to go on, right?
I wanna catch Sam's eye and be like,
"Not on their terms."
- Okay.
So I see the fire coming.
I'm gonna cast water
so that a wall of water
comes in front of me
so that when the spell hits
it's immediately dissipated.
It's not wet fire, you don't get wet fire.
- Wet fire!
- You don't get wet fire.
- Wet fire.
- You don't get wet fire.
- All right.
I'm gonna call this a Grit roll.
- Okay.
- You have to beat a nine,
which is what he rolled
with his fire attack.
- Ooh.
Okay, so I rolled an eight,
and then I'm gonna use-
- Magic die.
- Oh, magic die.
- Oh yeah,
you gotta use your magic die,
you're doing magic spells.
[whooshing]
- Yes.
All right, so that is a nine.
- Yeah!
- Whoo, whoo, whoo!
- Yeah!
You're able to throw up
the wall just in time,
and you see a big gout of steam kick up
from where your two magicks intersected.
You've neutralized it,
but you're not getting
any headway in this fight.
What do you wanna do?
- Okay.
I really don't wanna hurt,
but that wand's gotta go.
- You have this thought in this moment of,
this fight will keep going.
And you look over now and you see
Digby standing triumphantly
over a girl wearing,
singed now, red and white robes.
And you see people knocked
out and knocked away.
This is a fight until the other
person can't fight anymore,
or won't fight anymore.
And you haven't quite gotten there yet.
- I'm going to pull his wand towards me
so that I have his wand.
- Okay.
Give me, let's call it a Flight roll,
difficulty is a, I like eight.
Let's go eight.
- Difficulty of eight, okay.
Okay.
So that's a-
- That explodes too.
- Oh, it does explode.
- Yo!
- So that's four.
[cheering]
[clapping]
All right, so that's five,
and then I'm trying to see
if that's a nine or a six.
That is a nine.
- Wow.
- Total of?
- Total of,
I just counted it and I don't
know why I don't remember now.
So that is a 14.
- Oh my god.
- 14 is more than five above.
You see him lunge ineffectually.
Wizards, they don't have
that hand-eye coordination
that they need to be able to grab stuff
with their hands quickly.
- Gotta work out, guys, you
gotta start working out.
- And it sails into your hands.
And just the force that
you grabbed it with,
your wand is made of mirror
and something more than wood,
and then ferocity with which you grab it
cracks it in half.
- Oh, I'm so sorry.
[laughing]
Oh.
I hope you didn't like this wand too much.
- He looks at you and he
doesn't seem all that put out.
He looks at you like.
And just kinda puts his hand up.
- You can go to WandMart
and get another one.
- Yeah, go to WandMart.
And I'm just holding.
I guess I'm taking that
to mean that he surrenders
'cause he doesn't have a wand?
- Oh yeah, he waves and he kind of just
steps back out of the area.
- Jammer loses his f*ck' mind.
[laughing]
[cheering]
Jammer immediately gets his phone out,
goes live and is like, "Yo, what's up?
I'm here with Sam Black!
She just won this wizards duel!
She's unstoppable!"
[laughing]
- Brawn roll.
- Okay.
Happy to do it.
That's gonna be a 15.
- You feel...
A single crack goes across your screen,
and you sort of get it out in a way...
The thing you're pulling it from isn't,
there's no one grabbing it,
but you pulled it away
from a magical effect
before it was able to shatter
and crumble in your hands.
- Great.
I immediately go, "I'm sorry,
that's all I could get.
But you know, it'll be
saved as an Instagram Story,
so people will be able
to see it and stuff."
- Oh, that's perfect.
Yeah, just put it right on the page.
Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah.
- Exactly.
- And with your incredibly
slow-moving battle,
you were the last one, one more.
There were little fireworks going up
at the end of the round.
And as you guys kind of step out and away-
- k*ller.
- You did it!
That was amazing!
- I didn't wanna hurt the kid.
It's not his fault.
- Speaking of k*ller,
they announce the next rounds,
and the moment Evan
Kelmp's name is announced,
a massive section of
adult wizards stand up.
They are wearing dark green jerseys
with "Kelmp" across it,
holding up big signs that say "Dark One"
and losing their minds.
- I disavow you!
[laughing]
I disavow you.
[cheering]
- He's the Dark One, oh my god!
He's gonna do a m*rder!
- Get therapy.
[laughing]
- You did nothing to encourage this.
- I understand.
- It is hard to hear.
It got real loud in here.
There's a bunch of Aqrabus
students are just, "Yay."
- I think your whole house is bad.
I think you should think
about it for just 15 minutes.
[laughing]
Clearly bad, bad from the jump.
Okay.
I'm gonna walk up to the-
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
- You square up against
a dude that's from-
- I'm sorry, I was gonna say,
is it better to finish
these faster, or no?
- You weren't told.
You don't have a strong
sense of time is a factor.
- Okay, cool.
Good, good, good.
- Hey, rock him, big fella.
- You got it, man.
Hey, mess with the goat.
- [Lou And Brennan] Get the horns!
- As the fine fellow
from Rosemont that's
staring across from you
kind of speaks up like,
"Did you do that because you
are a demon like they say?"
- Oh good, you speak English.
- "Mm. Mm-hmm."
- The next two minutes
are gonna be really important for you.
[clapping]
[laughing]
- "What are you doing?"
- You have some really
critical decisions to make,
and the first decision that
you should really consider
is conceding prior to the match.
[laughing]
- "We're talking, this is very weird."
- I'm not gonna hold back.
Those lunatics over
there, the wizard Nazis,
they love my a*s.
They love me.
- "I found that very concerning.
I don't enjoy being here."
- You should be concerned.
So here's the thing.
- "I'm very-"
- You have probably about
and you really gotta think it through
'cause what's gonna happen is this.
I can't guarantee what's
gonna happen to you.
There's no promise for your safety,
there's no promise for anything like that.
- "I feel like you're
psyching me out right now."
- It's not psyching out.
I'm doing the kindest thing
I've ever done right now.
- "What's-"
- About 60 seconds left,
you really should concede.
If you're not gonna concede,
what do you want me to tell your family?
[laughing]
- Oh my god!
I need you to make a roll.
I'm literally so flustered,
I don't know what to call it.
Grit roll, just a Grit roll.
The difficulty is...
It's not high, it's like a seven.
It's like a seven
'cause that's terrifying.
- Hell yeah.
Okay, great.
- Oh my god.
That's nuts.
I was not ready for that.
Yeah.
Yo, the stands are like, "Oh."
- "What do you want me
to tell your family?"
- It's so dark.
- It is so dark.
- It is so-
- Yeah!
- Dark!
[laughing]
- Dream, you gotta take your wand...
Excuse me, K, you gotta take
your wand out of your mouth.
- K, all the mice and stuff are out here,
they're hitting the ground
making a little rumble.
They're in with you.
- Yeah, yeah.
[imitates drumming]
- They're like, okay, if
this is what we're doing.
We're into it.
[Erika groaning]
- All right, seven Grit.
Let's see what happens.
- [Aabria] We'll eat whatever's leftover.
- Nine, baby!
[cheering]
- Oh my god.
This poor boy takes a half step back.
He's like, "Thank you.
Here's the thing, this is
a very prestigious thing,
there's money tied in it for our good...
I'm going to fight you.
I don't want you to k*ll
me is all I'm saying.
I've gotten very nervous
and I don't feel super comfortable."
- I trust you.
If you think that
prestige is more important
than walking out of
here, that's up to you.
[laughing]
- "But now I feel like you're talking-"
- Make the call.
Make the call.
Make it, 'cause I don't
have all f*ck' day.
- And he grabs his wand and brandishes it.
- All right.
- And it's a fight.
- Cool.
- So here's the other thing
I'm gonna remind you of.
And I don't know where
Evan is at emotionally,
but I will remind you that this system
doesn't have a pull punch mechanic.
- Sure.
- If you roll too high,
I tell you how it goes.
- Copy that.
[gasping]
- So, an opposed Fight roll.
- Gotcha.
- Oh no.
- You have to beat an 18.
Oh, I didn't roll magic die.
Doot.
- Gonna be rolling my magic die as well.
- 21, as you don't recognize this spell,
it's in a different language,
the flourishes are different,
and you just feel this sense of pressure,
Jovian pressure slamming down on you.
- Mm-hmm.
- You formulate a response.
- How's a 28?
[gasping]
- And it explodes if you wanna k*ll him.
- Did something explode?
- Oh, sorry.
Yeah, the four explodes.
Magic die explodes.
- Oh my god.
- Thank you.
[laughing]
- Yeah.
- 28, let's call that...
That's a nice even 30.
More than five, I believe.
- Here's my problem,
is I don't know why you're getting excited
because the thing you wanted
was to not succeed by more than five
because the differential is
a greater than normal effect.
- Gotcha.
- So we're gonna have one more roll
where you're gonna...
This is your last chance
to try to control what's gonna happen.
- Cool.
- Or you are going to erase
a student from existence.
- Copy that.
- Cool, cool, cool?
- Copy.
- All right.
Let's call that a Grit roll.
- And I'm trying to
get the number down to-
- I want you to meet or beat
a 10, and then you can decide
how your response works.
If you can hit that Grit,
that's your control roll.
- Okay.
- If you fail by more than
five, it's gonna be real bad,
but there's gonna be some real happy fans.
- Okay.
[Erika gasps]
So I need a 10 to fully control it.
Fail it by more than five-
- And I'm gonna make an absolute mess
of your g*dd*mn life, Brennan.
- Gotcha.
[laughing]
- You got this.
[blowing]
- That's a four.
- Mm-hmm.
- With six Adversity
tokens, gets me to 10.
- Oh my god, he had enough!
[clapping]
Describe for me what happens.
- This kid gets blasted
into the underworld
long enough to see his funeral,
all of his weeping family members,
to see the completely altered lives
of the people he cares about
as he throws his life away,
and then after he has
wrinkles around his eyes
and his hair has gone stark white,
I wrench him back from
the underworld and say,
"For prestige?
People care about you!"
- His hair is still white,
the eye wrinkles remain,
and he looks at you, haunted.
You two are the only people in the world
that understand what just happened.
- Yeah.
- He snaps his own wand,
throws it on the ground,
and walks away.
- Good.
That's a man who
understands his priorities.
Great.
- He will never cast another spell again.
- There you go, big fella!
There you go!
[laughing]
Those are the horns right there!
- Need I say Goat House?
[laughing]
- You need not!
- You did it!
- Chest bump!
[cheering]
- For sure.
- And K takes a running leap
and her arms are around his neck.
She has to launch herself
up, he's very tall.
- Yeah, give me a...
That's gotta be a roll.
- Flight roll?
- That's a Brawn.
- Flight?
- [Aabria] No, I'm gonna
go Brawn 'cause that's a-
- Oh, oh no!
- You've been lifting,
so I believe in you.
- Jammer's got everyone lifting.
- It explodes!
- Whoa.
- Nine.
- I never gave the difficulty,
but that was enough.
And you just get in
there, never skip leg day,
and bound up effortlessly.
- And she goes, "Whoo!"
- Oh my god!
I really gave that kid a
lot of off ramps, you know?
He had plenty opportunities to step off.
- It's so sweet how much you care
about human life and its sanctity!
- [laughs] I'm really trying.
And it's a lot of effort.
You guys make it easy.
- Aww.
- [Danielle] Aww.
- I don't put K down
until a motion is made
like you wanna go down.
- That's just there, that's
just happening weirdly.
- That's great.
- Yeah.
- Yeah, at this point you
see that Cleo lost her fight,
which means that, you know what?
You.
I would like you to give me...
Give me just a Grit
roll, I just wanna know.
- Okay.
- You're just gonna give me a Grit roll.
- Just real quick, Gritty, Gritty.
And that is a two.
- Yeah.
With that...
Don't worry about that,
I just didn't feel like
rolling in this moment.
That student that walked away
reconvenes with all of Rosemont,
and you see a bunch of
flags go down in their camp,
as whatever has happened here,
whatever he tried to
explain, they're done.
And an entire school pulls
out of the tournament.
- Evan loses some...
I lose some joie de vivre
as I see the whole school pull out.
- They're just like, "No, no.
We're done here."
- You really should
listen to opportunities people give you
to rethink what you're doing.
- "I don't wanna talk to you.
No, no.
No!"
- Yeah, I don't blame you.
- Hey, he made his
choices, my guy, you know?
You gave him the opportunity-
- "You know what? No.
You didn't see what I saw.
You'll never understand."
- But I can imagine it.
- "No, no, that's the thing!
[laughing]
That's the thing, you will never...
Look at me, you will never imagine."
- It was the underworld.
It was his family's
funeral for him, that's it.
- I can...
I mean, hey, I'm not trying
to take away from your pain.
Clearly you're very hurt, but-
- Your feelings are valid.
Your feelings are...
His feelings are valid.
- Yes.
That's what I'm saying.
- "Don't talk to me from on top...
You're dressed like...
And there were mice...
A f*cking nightmare!" [laughs]
And he just takes off.
- Sir, what'd you call my partner?
- "I'm not afraid of you anymore.
I've already seen as bad as it gets."
- You should absolutely be afraid of me.
- "No, f*ck off."
[laughs] And he just turns and walks away.
He's just on a level of
like, dude, just do it then.
- You know what?
People need to salvage their ego.
- Exactly, exactly.
- It's true,
let him have this one.
- And ultimately,
at the end he can have it.
- That's true.
He needed it more than you did.
- He needed it more.
- The entire school leaves, and-
[laughing]
You won both of your matches,
so now there's another school
that's tied with you on that.
And the trio's sitting
in a tight third place
out of the schools remaining.
One of the two teams from Tunavik,
they lost a couple people
across some of the spell casting earlier
when they were trying to do the
bibbidi-bobbidi group spell,
and then a serious injury
from one of the trio
means they're only at two.
And you see them actually
go up to the judges panel
and they have a conversation.
You see the judges nod, understanding.
You see them remove from the running
'cause they don't have enough people
to continue to compete.
- So the trio is just out?
- No, no, no,
the trio's still in there.
- Okay.
- And Cleo's there,
and she's standing
weirdly off to the side.
And the trio's getting psyched
up for something in a corner.
It feels like everyone
else knows what's coming
except for you all.
Is there anything you
wanna do in this moment
as people are conferring,
and the last thing is about to begin?
- You said that there was a table
with potatoes and other root
vegetables and stuff on it?
- Yeah, that was being used
to convert into carriages.
There's extra potatoes.
- Quick smoothie?
- Yeah.
Yo, yo, let's do...
Yeah, let's do some...
I got electrolyte powder in here,
we can do something real quick.
- Actually, yes.
And I'm sure we can put a
little zhoosh in it, right?
- You know I'll zhoosh it.
Jammer goes, runs over,
grabs some tomatoes.
I don't think he grabs...
There's too much starch in a potato,
but grabs a couple of things,
throws it all together.
I don't think it tastes good,
but it'll give some
strength back to the team.
- As people are kind of
conferring and talking,
Cleo slides over to you and she's like,
"What are you doing?"
- Making a quick,
just like a-
- "You need to get ready.
Did you not notice the giant
f*cking wyrm on the castle?"
- Oh, yeah, I saw that.
- "Yeah."
- I thought he was just here.
- "It's a dragon.
Hi, good job.
It's a dragon."
- What happens next?
Do we do something with it?
- "Yeah, you're gonna have
to engage with the dragon."
- That's not a bird?
- Oh no, birds are mostly
feathered and would have-
- "Oh my god, you and Fergus just...
Makes sense, get it.
I get it.
[laughing]
I get it, cool.
Cool, cool, cool."
- Is there something we
should do to get ready?
'Cause we were just gonna
get electrolytes back,
get everyone hydrated, and you know-
- "I guess it's, all right."
- Do some light stretching.
- "Just be ready.
This is the thing.
Other people drop out before.
We talk about it being
lethal, that's why."
- When you say engage, what do you mean?
Like fight, or?
- You don't understand any of this.
- No, pretend we're first year students
that haven't been brought
up with all of this
and we're 17 years old before
we get our first wands.
- And she kind of looks over her shoulder
and you just hear a bunch of squawking.
[Erika hissing]
"Okay."
- That's a great way to put that, K.
That really sort of
spells out the situation.
- "I'm sorry, I'm doing my best.
I'm trying to unlearn a
lot of weird patterns.
Working on it.
So there's a little thing around...
You have to chase down the dragon,
subdue it, and get a scale.
Only one team wins that part.
Do you understand that?
And now we're competing against you.
And the trio's been preparing
for this all term long,
years long, this is a thing.
And I'm there too and I don't
wanna hurt you or anything,
but just be careful, okay?"
- Hey, play hard.
I wouldn't ask for anything
less from our competitors.
- "Cool."
- Cool.
- I need the two of you, Brains rolls.
Difficulty of seven.
[laughing]
You can do it, I believe in you.
- You got this.
- Oh.
Two.
- Two.
- All right.
Next round.
Brains rolls, difficulty of seven.
- Yeah, now I-
- Us?
- I'm the one who's...
I got this.
Difficulty of seven?
- Yup.
[blowing]
[laughing]
- One.
- Six.
- Can, I don't know how.
- I will allow it.
- Oh.
[Erika squeals]
Eight, my guy.
- Ooh.
- So you get to seven.
- Mm-hmm.
- And you're a little lost talking to her,
and you guys are kind of engaged in it.
Evan, your attention
goes over Cleo's shoulder
to where the trio are talking.
You never liked Tallulah,
and you've definitely known
to keep an eye out for her,
and you see her wand
pointed at Cleo's back.
- I'm going to move Cleo out of...
I see her wand pointed at
Cleo's back like she's about...
So she is in the process
of casting something?
- A thing has already happened.
- A thing has already happened?
I'm gonna look at-
- She puts the wand down,
goes back to talking.
- Cleo, Tallulah just cast a spell on you.
I didn't catch what it was,
but you've just had a spell cast on you
by one of your teammates.
- K, do you know if you would be able
to dispel this or break
this, or something like that?
- I should be able to.
- I can try to figure out.
I could try to look closer
and figure out what it is.
- All right.
- Can I do a similar...
I'm gonna reach in, find my shadow,
and do a similar divination,
like I did with the fire kid.
- Yeah, let's go Brains roll.
Brains roll difficulty of eight.
- Seven, terrible.
So I'm gonna say "I
don't know what that is,
I can't figure out
exactly what it is, but-"
- I'm gonna roll to dispel magic.
- Okay.
I'm gonna make the difficulty high
'cause you don't know
what you're dispelling.
- Okay.
- Difficulty's gonna be 13.
- Oh. [laughs]
- Yeah?
- Oh!
- 16!
- You reach out and you
don't know what you touch,
but you break it.
And you actually see Cleo turn,
whip fast, her eyes flash red
as she reaches out into
nothing and grabs it. [sniffs]
She realizes what the spell is,
but she is so consumed with what it is,
she turns on her heel
without acknowledging you
and marches back to the group.
They start a massive argument.
As the Headmistress comes over and says,
"Okay.
Last thing's up, fan favorite,
the dragon chase.
[upbeat exciting music]
There is a single scale on
the underside of the dragon
that's worth all the marbles.
So I need the team captains,"
and she gestures at you, at Digby,
and a young woman from Tunavik.
Says, "You must be the
one to secure the scale.
Everyone else is assisting you to do so.
There is only one, and
whoever comes back with it
will be declared the winner."
- Just because we're new,
can we cast magic on the other people?
Is this like Scuppers?
Or is this-
- "No rules.
Get the scale."
- Great, children.
- Man, this place is wild.
Thank you.
[laughing]
- The Headmistress looked
at us and said, "No rules."
[laughing]
- As she points her want up at the sky
and a massive burst of
red expl*sive energy
like a firework, but
significantly more ominous.
And you see the other
two groups sprint off."
- I wonder what the mortality
rate is for this school.
What is the graduating class size?
How much-
- Hey, I think we gotta go.
- All right!
[laughing]
- Jammer's gonna summon
his broom, be like,
"I'm gonna go for the scale."
- We'll all follow.
- You got it.
- I'm gonna push down
on it and then sh**t up
after the dragon.
- Yeah, I know I have none
of the agility or speed that Jammer has,
so I'm just, once again,
standing on the push bar,
like Segway, upside down T.
- I hate it!
- I just go, "All right.
One for old times." [gasping]
[laughing]
Anyone who looks at Jammer
is getting a f*ck' mouthful
of whatever comes out of this wand.
[laughing]
We'll get 'em for real!
That's my f*ck' guy!
That's my f*ck' guy out there!
[Erika squealing]
- Sam, K?
- I also get on my broom,
and I'm partially trying
to keep people away,
but I'm also just kinda taking note
of what's happening over here
just in case I wind up having to...
I guess in this case I'd be spotting him.
[laughing]
I'm just gonna spot him
and just make sure that
if anything happens,
that I can get rid of it
without him being hurt.
- K is on, it's like the broom is like,
baby's first housekeeping set, you know?
It's just a pink, sparkly thing.
And it's got a branded character
from a giant corporation on it.
- Mm, weird, yeah.
- You know?
- The mice cheer.
They're like, "We like whatever that is."
- But I'm using it...
I'm using it ironically.
I'm using it ironically.
And she and a flock, murmuration,
start bring up the rear with everybody.
- Jammer looks back at his demonic friend,
his sick social media friend,
his Disney Princess friend,
and a bunch of seagulls and birds,
and is like, "This is the squad."
[laughing]
Yeah.
And feels more confident
that we're about to crush this than ever.
- Sweet.
So you streak off in the direction,
with birds obscuring
your view from behind,
and you're following
these other two groups
as they make and break towards
this giant purple dragon.
The dragon looks over,
gives kind of a screech,
let's out a gout of purple flame,
and kind of does the roll
back and out and takes off.
Like, all right, it's a chase.
And you head on back.
So I'm gonna need a group Flight roll.
If you want to beat
the other groups there,
you need to get better
than a 40 altogether.
[laughs]
- 40 altogether.
- Adding magic, adding anything?
- Adding magic.
- Adding magic.
- Adding magic, cool.
- Yeah.
- That's a D4.
- You can count it.
Unless you're making a case
for trying to use common sense,
which would be your D6 die.
What about this situation could you use
your normal knowledge to help you with?
- I can't GPS a wyrm.
- I mean, you can't.
- I look at you and say,
"But you can GPS a phone."
[cheering]
And I take my phone and
hurl it at the dragon.
- As it goes, I go into Find a Friend
where I go and...
Does your phone even have-
- It doesn't have a screen,
but it does have a number
and that's all you need for Find a Friend!
[cheering]
[laughing]
- All right.
I gotta believe with my whole whole heart
that this is a Brawn roll
[Brennan groans]
to throw it and smack a dragon.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
- That's a great point.
- You guys are seeing this happen.
You're getting ready to GPS it,
so I'm gonna say you
two have an opportunity
to try to magically intervene
to make sure that this locks in on target.
- I wanna say that the sparrows
all have a little assembly
line, like they're chucking it.
- If these seagulls wanna
bucket line the phone.
[laughing]
[clapping]
- Okay, give me a Brawn roll,
let's go difficulty of eight.
- Okay, difficulty of-
- And then I want you to,
let's call this a Charm roll.
- Okay.
- To control your animals.
- Would you say in this moment
I am adding either magic to
this or common sense to this?
- I gotta say it's
whatever you think it is.
- I think that he is just chucking it,
but I think that the idea
of throwing your phone
onto a dragon so that you can GPS it
is common sense.
- Love it.
Yup.
- Okay.
[blowing]
- Oh my god.
- We're gonna get this 40.
We're gonna get this 40.
- And everybody else does Flight?
- No, no, no, so this is-
- This is a DC8, right?
- Yeah.
- I hit exactly an eight.
- Oh, yo.
Go ahead.
- Ooh.
So seven, eight, nine,
- Oh my god.
- 12.
- So you throw it, and the
sparrows were lining up
to do the, "Okay, we're
gonna help this boy
and he's gonna...
Oh, sh*t!"
And you see they all duck
and get out of the way
as you smack and hit the dragon.
It kinda seats up under
the crux of its wing,
and the sparrows all
look at you and they go.
[mumbling]
- Good job.
- You hear a caw that's
like, "We got this,"
and they turn and they
start running interference
on the other people flying in the air.
The DC has now dropped to 32.
- Whoo!
- Hell yes.
- Man, I know a lot of bird facts,
but they're useless with
all the Goats out here!
[cheering]
Let's go Goat House!
- Goat House!
- Off in the distance
you hear, "Goat House."
- They know, they know
we're gonna crush it.
- They know.
- Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
- You got this, man, you got this.
- Okay, so it's Flight,
common sense, and magic now?
- No, you have to pick one.
- Oh, well, I'll pick common sense.
- Pick common sense.
- I pick common sense.
Okay.
- Group Flight check.
Let's go.
- All right.
- Meet or beat 32.
Write any of this down.
- 13 from Jammer.
- Love it.
- 14 from K.
- All right, you're at 27.
- Big ol' two from Sam.
- 29.
You need a three.
- And I have a nine.
- Yeah!
[cheering]
- I feel like we start doing
some cool corkscrew formations.
- [Erika] Let's go.
- You guys have been practicing-
- Damn right.
- In a world
that doesn't have practices.
- Yes.
- You hit formation.
You roll out, and the
birds throw up interference
and actually do a really good job
of obscuring the way the dragon broke,
so you guys kind of roll down and around
and you're able to zig and
catch up with the dragon.
And the other two groups
have now dropped behind.
- Wow.
I'm shouting over the birds in the sky.
Being like, "It's crazy that no one else
knows how to do this!
If you grow up your whole
life with opportunities
you kinda don't know how
to take advantage of them!"
- I guess that...
Yeah.
- You know?
That's really-
- so loud,
the dragon looks over its shoulder,
sees you all very close
and is going to open its mouth.
And you see that [coughing]
as a massive purple
flame begins to kick up.
- So I turn to the dragon.
I'm like, "Hey, 'sup?"
[laughing]
- And then I go [growling].
I'm translating here.
- Hey, just saying you're
doing a real good job here,
being a dragon.
[Erika growling]
- I need Charm rolls from the both of you.
- Just kinda k*lling it with-
- Just let me know what the number is.
I'm not gonna tell you the DC.
Do your best.
- Okay.
- Come on.
- Okay, it's a 14.
- Yep.
- That's kind of on the line there.
[groans] Four.
- 14 minus four is a 10.
As you begin to talk and you
begin to make dragon sounds.
- No, translate.
I'm translating.
I have animals-
- Yeah, I hear you.
And the dragon goes,
and you see the flame go away.
And she's still going away.
She goes, "Oh my...
I speak English.
What are you doing?"
- I'm so sorry.
- "No, it's-"
- We're new here.
- "Yeah, okay?
Hey.
I'm still flying, let me just be clear."
And she rolls over onto her belly
and kind of is backstroke flying away.
"Hey, what's up?"
- Hey, so, do you do this chase
every time this comes up, or do they-
- "No, you know, gig economy.
I work at the bank."
- Oh, oh that's nice.
That's a good solid job.
You got benefits.
- "Yo, right?"
- Yeah.
- "Yeah, it's crazy."
- That's pretty cool.
- But yeah, so just so
we can make this happen,
would it be cool if our captain
took one of your scales?
- "No, I understand the objective,"
and you can see this tiny
single scale glinting
in the center of her chest and she's like,
"I mean, I am gonna try
to not let you catch me."
- Right, of course, of course.
You're doing your job and
you're earning from your gig,
you wanna make sure you get called back.
- "Yo, exactly.
It if was super quick it would be weird,
there'd be inquiries.
Don't need that kind of heat."
- Oh, well we don't want
that kinda heat on you
because you still gotta
work even after we graduate,
so I understand.
- She zigs and tries to go around a turn
and shake you off.
I'm gonna say that you don't
have to roll anything about it.
You just kinda stay on her tail.
She's like, "All right,
you're good at this."
- Cool, so what's your name?
- "Oh, Alexis."
- Alexis, hi.
Hello, I'm Sam.
[Lou groaning]
[cawing]
[growling]
[groaning]
[growling]
- "Look, okay, this is kinda wild.
Hold on."
And she dives towards the
ground and hits the ground
and turns and squares up against you.
And she's now covering her chest
and has hands on the ground like,
"I mean, we're gonna do this.
I won't k*ll you.
You seem really nice."
- Oh, you seem super nice.
- "And you said hi.
Do you know how weird it is
when no one introduces themselves
and says hi in this whole?
Wizards are wild.
- Oh my god,
we've been talking about that.
It's so weird.
- I've actually observed that.
- "Whoa!
That's very scary."
- You're a full dragon.
- "Well, that's true."
- Well met.
- "Yeah, hi."
- Is there some way that we might be able
to come to some sort of an agreement,
like we put on a good show for everyone,
you get some sort of bonus
for a very thrilling chase,
and then we hand it off and call it even?
- "I mean, this feels like a bribe.
This feels like a bribe and-"
- They said no rules.
- "This feels like a bribe."
[laughing]
I did say no rules.
- They truly said no rules.
- "Yeah, well I'm saying...
Sorry, let me be a little more
clear 'cause you seem young.
A bribe?
Is this a bribe?"
- Oh.
What are you interested in?
- Have you...
Okay, you said you were young.
Have you read a book about a dragon?
I love f*cking gold.
I work at a bank.
- Well yes, but that's the thing.
- Focus. Focus up.
- We are cash poor,
however if you accept McRibs,
which are very hard to get-
- "I don't know what the f*ck-"
- In the British Isles.
- Rib Deluxe.
- The Rib Deluxe, perhaps you're familiar-
- "I don't know what that means.
No, I want gold.
I want a lot of gold.
If not, we can just do a little fight
and I promise no murders."
- Cool, let's do it that way.
[whooshing]
[laughing]
Jammer's gonna zoom straight.
Of course trying to avoid any...
But I don't think Jammer's gonna try
and do it with offensive spells,
but he's going to try and fly at the wyrm
deftly to retrieve the scale on his broom.
- Yeah.
So you zoom in and a
tiny bead of green light
is streaking towards
you from off and away.
So how would you like to...
I mean, do you wanna
just keep going straight?
It's gonna hit you if
you continue on your-
- Can I attempt to protect
myself with magic from the green?
- Of course.
- Can Dream try and block?
- This is sort of a snap...
Yeah.
- Yeah.
- I'd love to stay on my course
and I'm going to try
and cast, or create...
Essentially try and stiff arm this spell.
- Yo! Okay.
I need you to Heisman away,
give me a Brawn roll, difficulty of 12.
- Brawn roll, difficulty of 12.
Oh.
If I take half can I
spend an Adversity token?
- Yeah.
[laughing]
No, you don't get to.
You can do it.
- I will take half, plus
one, plus one is 12.
- Sweet.
And without even looking,
you put your arm out in the Heisman pose.
And there's no casting
involved, it's intention.
And the spell hits the center of your palm
and scatters away uselessly.
And you all kinda snap and you see...
You know who you see.
You see the trio, and Cleo
kind of lagging behind,
looking really uncomfortable
over her shoulder
back in the direction where,
another 100 yards away,
kind of dark and in this...
It's night now, but you
see crumpled blue robes
as the trio slowly walks over towards you.
- Crumpled blue robes.
I'm trying to remember who-
- The only other team
that was competing in this
last bit was from Tunavik.
- Gotcha, understood.
- Okay.
If Sam looks over at Fergus,
what's that look like?
- Fergus will not make
eye contact with you.
- Oh, we're boned.
We're boned, we're boned.
- It's more out of shame than like-
- But still, just the
fac that that happened,
I was like, oh, they're gonna
straight up try to m*rder us,
is the sense that I'm getting.
- You're on the far side.
So imagine this is the layout.
Everyone is watching on this side
and you're on the far side of the school,
and people can't see you right now.
- Our understanding is that the second
Jammer gets that scale, the
tournament is over, correct?
- Correct.
- Okay.
I look at you two, go, "Got it."
And I'm gonna fly at the trio
and point at Tallulah, be like,
"Turn around's fair play."
[laughing]
And I'm gonna make a Fight
check against Tallulah.
- Yeah.
Okay, we'll come to that in a second.
So first I need you...
You're just trying to get in, streak in,
rip it out and get out?
- Yep.
- Okay, that feels like
a Flight roll to me,
to kinda dex your way in.
- Great.
- She's going to attempt to block.
She's very strong.
I'm gonna start pulling this
Box of Doom out in a second,
but right now you have to beat a 17.
- 17, great.
All right, that is an 11 plus two, 13.
- It's not disastrously bad,
but she doesn't try to body block you.
She literally, a wing comes forward
and she drops her shoulder down
and just hunkers down.
- Got it.
Cool.
I think Jammer's going to...
She's got all this body.
Jammer's thinking there's gotta
be some way to open her up.
Oh.
I think Jammer is going
to pull out his wand
and attempt to cast a
spell on this dragon.
- Okay, we'll resolve that in a second.
- [Lou] Great.
- Going back, what are you doing?
'Cause the moment you pull a wand out
and start to do it, Fergus and Digby,
immediately returning
kind along with Tallulah
who just starts laughing.
- Cool.
- [Aabria] So, whatcha doing?
- I'm gonna roll a Fight
check against Tallulah.
I think it's...
I know these guys can teleport, right?
Or do I know that they're
capable of teleporting?
- Brains check, difficulty of six.
- Seven.
- You've seen them do it before.
- Cool.
So yeah, I'm going to just
a pure concussive force.
I'm not trying to do the
most demonic sh*t I can,
but in this moment I think I'm just like,
"Hey, you tried to k*ll me,
and I'm happy to prove
you right about me."
- Okay.
- Oh.
- Are you aiming for all
three or her specifically?
- If I can do all three, let's go all-
- I mean, a concussive thing
you could either go for like,
hit everyone a little less
hard, or hit one person.
Are you a shotgun or a scalpel right now?
- Right now I'm a shotgun,
'cause there's three of them,
and I think also I'm just like,
if I can blast the hunk of earth you're on
into the next county,
let's make that happen.
- Yeah, okay.
- Cool.
Go ahead and make a Fight roll.
I will oppose it.
- Magic die first.
- Finally.
This is my literal first lucky break,
for a 19.
- I'm trying to beat a 19?
- Yeah.
- Cool.
- Oh, sh*t.
I rolled a magic die, I'm sorry, hold on.
- 12 plus two is 14,
plus eight is 22.
- Yo!
- Oh.
[clapping]
- And the thing that happens,
'cause you matched it,
is you hit all three.
- Cool.
- And you see a thin membrane
of light flashes between,
so they don't take the full brunt of it.
But because you picked a concussive wave,
it doesn't go anywhere.
It just pushes them bodily,
and you see a massive,
deep tunneling earth
pushes them all back 20 feet.
And you hear her cackling madly behind it.
- "Okay.
You are who they say you are,
and we're done playing around."
- Feel how you wanna feel.
It's gonna end one way or the other.
- [laughs] God.
- Oh.
- Thrilling.
[laughing]
- And Fergus and Digby kind
of jump around the side
and they look at the two of you.
- Do you wanna talk to your-
- Yeah.
I'm gonna...
Hey, hey, Fergus.
- "Now's not a great time.
[clears throat] Hi."
- It's always a great
time for conversation.
So, what's-
- His wand's out
and it's pointed at you.
- So what's with the-
[laughing]
What is with the wand?
- "Because we're doing...
It's a whole thing right now,
and I don't know why
you're not really taking this seriously.
You need to take this seriously.
This is serious.
I don't-"
- I take it seriously, I just...
We don't have to fight about it.
- "So you can just let us win."
- Oh, no, we're not doing that.
- "Well, then what do you suggest?
Talking it out?
'Cause I don't think that's gonna happen."
And you see his eyes
flash over towards Digby.
- [sighs] Well, you know,
I guess if you're not
willing to talk it out,
then we gotta go wands.
And so I cast not a fireball,
but a ball of air and wind
trying to knock the
wand out of Fergus' hand
'cause I'm still trying to be nice.
- Okay.
- Okay.
- Brawn roll.
- Brawn roll.
- Opposed, to the boy who's an athlete.
- We gotta go wands.
- You have to beat 20.
- Nope, six.
- And you send that little ball of air out
and he puts his wand down
and smacks it out of the air.
It just sort hits the ground
and churns a little bit of earth.
Spins out helplessly.
He's like, "Not taking
this seriously enough."
And he looks back over
his shoulder at Cleo,
who's attending to the people
that are still crumpled on the ground.
- Yeah, I don't wanna hurt you.
- "I don't wanna hurt you either,
so I need you all to just stop, please."
And Digby puts his hand up,
and Fergus stops talking immediately.
- "Can we just be done, please?
We have put up with your
bullshit the whole year,
and I am just honestly so
f*cking tired of all of this."
- Well, here's the thing,
is that we can't give up.
- He waves his wand
and tries to cast a
spell at you immediately.
- I push up defensive bubble,
not around myself, but around him.
So it's a completely
impenetrable iridescent bubble
that will completely keep-
- That is big magic.
- Him safe from harm.
- It's casting a protective sphere,
to keep somebody safe is a Grit roll.
- Yeah.
- Okay.
- The difficulty is 20.
- Fine.
- You're trying to stop a wizard
from being able to cast
anything in or out.
You have been a magician
for a solid four months.
- But it's a solid four months.
- Like a solid four.
- Solid.
- It's like-
- A lot of growth,
a lot of catharsis.
- A lot of growth, yeah.
- Okay.
Also, since I am defending,
I can reroll-
- This is offensive magic.
- Okay, all right.
- You got this.
- Yeah, you got this.
- You got this.
- All about it.
All day, all day.
- 20!
[cheering]
- Booyaka!
[yelling]
EAT TRASH, BEAT TRASH!
[laughing]
- Is this Digby or Fergus?
- It was Digby.
- Oh, sh*t, Island Boy!
My girl just Glinda'd your a*s!
[laughing]
That's some American magic, b*tch!
This ain't Kansas!
- Check your privilege!
[laughing]
- Ugh.
- And Digby stops, just
looks around, hits it,
and kinda points at his ear.
"I couldn't hear."
- I'm sorry.
We can't.
- You're incredible.
- Oh my god!
You're incredible.
- I was gonna say "My girl,"
but I know you're
experimenting with they/them-
- It's okay, that's the thing.
- Is girl still fine?
- Yeah!
- I know that pronouns are whatever,
but you can have-
- I think for right now
I'm sort of transitioning into it.
Again, right now, experimentation.
We're young, we can do whatever we want!
- I love that.
That was incredible.
- Oh my god, thank you.
- Mm.
It was really good moment that you had,
and I do feel very bad
that I didn't roll that
in the Box of Doom.
- Oh. [laughs]
- But I exploded on a 20.
- Oh, sh*t.
- So for a 36 roll by Tallulah,
she levels her wand not
at you, but at the dragon.
And you see black necrotic
energy running up it.
And she was kind of in
a huddled down position,
and you see her begin to
wilt and die in front of you.
- Oh, god damn.
- She worked at a bank.
[laughing]
- This person was working a gig.
- What do you wanna do about it?
- This was a side hustle.
- She probably didn't even
get any sort of healthcare
from either of her jobs.
Oh no, wait, it's the
UK, universal healthcare.
- Yeah.
- So the wyrm is straight up dying?
- She is beginning to die.
It's a very big creature,
so the spell isn't an immediate hit.
- And is Tallulah going for the scale, or?
- Tallulah is 50 yards back
from where you're standing.
You're right in front of it.
So you have an option right now, Jammer.
- Okay.
- You could run in,
grab the scale, end the tournament.
You know what will happen to Alexis.
- God.
Why'd she have to learn its name?
Once I know its name it's
got a nickname in my head,
A-town.
[laughing]
And once you got a nickname,
you're on the team.
- Oh.
- I would like to...
I see this magic is starting to take over,
and I want to help,
because if we become the
monsters, then we're no better.
So I am going to...
I wanna cast...
I'm not sure it's curative magic,
I don't think I can straight
up stop what's happening.
This is crazy.
Run with me, you tell me what this is.
- Let's go.
- Jammer would like to
take some of this on.
He'd like to lighten the load of Alexis,
knowing that if he can slow it down
maybe that's time for his
friends to help him and them.
So yes, Jammer would like to try
and share the load with
Alexis using his wand.
- You've always been very internal,
and this is a body-focused spell.
So I'm going to say that
this is a Brawn roll
with a difficulty of 18.
- Cool, let's do it.
- As you roll, before
you tell me the result,
and don't forget your magic die,
I need you to make a Charm
roll, difficulty of 10.
- Oh, then I'm just gonna have it.
- You see and your eyes go
over to mirrors immediately
as you see in that moment,
you kind of follow Tallulah's spell
and you see what's happening to Alexis,
and then you watch as Jammer ducks in
behind the wings and goes in closer.
And then you see, in this
moment, half shielded,
the tether between Alexis and Jammer
as the spell begins to take effect.
- I got a 15.
I have two Adversity tokens,
which gets me to 17.
- And one person just saw what you did
and could intervene.
- Okay, how many tokens you need?
- Just one.
- Just one, okay.
So I go over to help.
There you go.
- Describe to me what you do to help.
Now we're just in narrative territory.
You met the requirement, so just story.
- So, I walk over, I see
Jammer and I see Alexis.
I put my hands on both of them,
and I turn to Jammer and I say,
"I'm getting the string,
and I think the stronger the string is,
the more that you're gonna
be able to get this out
without hurting yourself,
because at some point
you have made Alexis part of the team."
- Yeah.
- So what I need you
to do, is coach, Coach.
- Hey, focus up, all right?
'Cause right now we're
going through a lot.
Hey, hey, stay with me.
Stay with me, stay with me.
Right here, right here, right here.
- "I'm gonna eat the little girl."
- Flow state, it's me and you.
It's me and you, all right?
Hey, I'm taking some of this,
I'm taking some of this.
I'm taking some of this right now.
You're a strong forward, all right?
It took a hell of a lot to catch you,
and that was a solid play
on my part, offensively.
So you got good defense,
you know defense, all right?
You are defense, all right?
And you can defend against this.
You need to breathe, all right?
In for three, out for five.
One, two, three, four.
In for three, out for five.
One, two, three, four, five.
All right, A-town, stay with me right now.
Right here, right here,
right here, nowhere else.
Just us.
- And she has locked eyes with you,
and as her purple eyes flare with magic,
your eyes turn purple, too.
- Okay, we got this.
In for three, [inhales]
out for five.
- And you are pulling this magic away
and taking it into yourself.
And because you are a
fully clothed wizard,
no one can see what's
happening beneath your robes.
But those veins of energy
halt, and then start receding.
And while the three of you
are locked in this moment,
the two of you are left
with Fergus and Tallulah staring you down.
- You got Digby in that...
You did that after I did the
initial concussive thing.
I'm just gonna look at Tallulah and go-
- "I'm gonna k*ll you."
- Maybe.
[laughing]
And I'm gonna be like, "I don't care.
My life already got better than I ever,
ever, ever, ever thought it was gonna be,
and you can't take that away.
But I'm gonna try to take away your wand."
Fight check against the wand.
- All right.
- I'm gonna sunder it.
Destroy it.
- Yeah.
Okay, let's go Box of Doom for this.
- Mm-hmm.
- Ooh.
- Just a full opposed roll.
Yeah, all right.
sh*t, I'll go first.
Here we go.
Dirty 20.
- Oh, Jesus.
- So this is-
- 19 plus one.
- 19 plus one, okay.
[sighs] There's that.
- You can't have plus eight.
- No, for sure.
- [Aabria] Yeah.
- I'm trying to think
of adding my magic die.
This feels very momentous.
- I'm there.
- Yeah.
- And I slip my hand into his.
And I point mine as well.
- Okay.
- I'm gonna look.
I have a weird thing I wanna try to do.
This is Box of Doom.
- Yeah, go.
- But I think instead
of adding my magic die,
can I add my common sense die?
And I can tell you why
as I cast this spell?
- Yeah.
- I'm holding your hand.
- And I say,
"If there's one other trope
that I like as much as a sad
boy, it's battle couple."
[laughing]
- Jesus.
- I didn't have a lot of
access to computers growing up,
but I love that, and you.
- I love you too.
- I love you too.
[laughing]
- Fergus kind of just, he
just looks really embarrassed.
Like, "Oh."
- I'm gonna look over at
Tallulah and just be like,
I've been here at this f*ck'
school for four months,
with your garbled pig Latin spells.
I don't think any of
this sh*t is real Latin.
I don't think any of it's real Latin.
I think it's words that
you don't even understand.
So you know what spell I'm gonna use
to break your f*ck' wand?
McRib.
[laughing]
[clapping]
- I'll allow it.
- And I would like to roll
Fight plus common sense
as I go for her wand.
Okay, great.
- And then do I-
- Hold, please.
We'll see how this resolves.
- Okay.
Am I rolling the Box of
Doom, or should I roll-
- Yeah, I'm happy to hand it off.
- Yeah, okay.
All right.
Right now I need to
beat a dirty 20, right?
- Yup.
- Okay.
We'll roll common sense first.
- Oh my goodness.
[Brennan exhales]
- That's a four.
- Okay.
- Okay.
- Yeah, there you go.
- No, give us the number you need to hit.
Come on, act like you're a DM
and you know what you're doing.
- I'm sorry!
[Aabria groans]
Okay, so hitting a dirty
minus four is eight, I just
need an eight or higher here.
- Yep.
- Oh my god.
- Oh, he did the thing.
It's like he was in [indistinct].
- Four.
- Four away.
No, you don't spend, you roll.
- What am I rolling?
- This is a Fight roll,
so you can roll Fight.
- Okay.
- The DC is four.
- f*ck.
- What is your Fight?
- Six.
- Can we pass off-
- Just one.
- The Box of Doom?
- The Box of Doom.
- Absolutely we can.
- You don't get to use your magic die.
- Oh my god.
- Yeah, I suck.
- All you gotta do is get a four.
- And I'm mad at you.
- All you gotta do
is get a four.
- 'Cause you're too cute
and I love you.
- K, you got this.
- Just one, okay.
So I need to make-
- This is the cutest thing.
- Okay, so I need to make a three.
- You need a three.
- I have a 50/50 shot.
- 50/50 shot.
- 50/50 shot.
- Four!
[cheering]
[groaning]
- Magic comes out of your wand.
The magic is confused,
like, that wasn't a spell,
and we both know that, but
that's not quite for now.
And as it approaches,
there's an extra pulse
of black and pink energy
that goes through your shared hand held,
through your arms and out of your wand.
It catches that original
spell, pushes it faster.
And then what happens as it hits Tallulah?
- First of all, I think
I make quick eye contact
with K as I'm like,
"This feels really good."
- "So good."
- Yeah.
I'm glad that Sam and Jammer...
I feel like we make things weird
for them from time to time,
but I'm just so excited, this is my first-
- I know, it feels good.
- No, no, it's all good.
[laughing]
- And as the energy's flowing out...
And I can tell that the pure demon sh*t
I've been working through my whole life,
all of it, it's not enough.
I've always been this destructive,
but I've never had anything
worth fighting for.
And I've spent my whole life running away
'cause I never had anything
I thought I could keep
and that would be mine,
and these friends have
told me time and again
that I'm theirs and they're
mine, and we're together.
And I think as I'm bent
on destroying this wand,
I look at K, and out of this
nasty bone muscle meat wand,
I [whooshes] hit the wand,
and instead of snapping, it... [popping]
A glistening sky blue,
glittery sky blue bubble,
moves around it.
And I look up, and with a
shimmer of sparkles off of me
I go, "When you complete three trials
and you prove your worth,
you will be able to unlock the
orb and retrieve your wand.
And that's a lesson for you."
[groaning]
- What the?
- I was a pretty princess for a second.
- Oh my god, you were so pretty.
- Thank you.
That was awesome.
That was awesome.
That was really great.
- Wow.
- And Fergus, who has
stopped paying attention
to any of this and is now just...
He's sprinted over and he's
watching the two of you
dealing with Alexis.
And he goes over and he puts his hand
on both of your shoulders.
- "I don't know.
How do I help? I'm sorry."
- I don't know!
- "You're doing it."
- If he wants to help, you
gotta make him part of the team.
- You wanna be on the team?
- "Honestly, yeah."
- All right.
Ferg.
Fergie.
- "Fergie?"
- Okay, Fergie.
I put my hand on his.
Okay.
- "Oh my god,
your eyes are purple.
That's wild."
- Yeah.
I think I'm part wyrm, at least for now.
Hey, Ferg, you're a good man, all right?
You got a lot of practice
to do, all right?
You gotta figure out part of being-
- And he just squeezes your hand
and it forges that connection,
and you feel orders of magnitude,
it lessens on both of you.
And Alexis, she kind of calms down
and her breathing goes to normal.
There's no more spread of that energy,
and it just slowly dissipates.
And she goes, "Ow, f*cking...
Just f*cking take the thing.
Take the thing. Take the thing.
Take the thing, I wanna go home!
[laughing]
You took too long."
And she rips it out and
just flicks it at you like,
"I'm out, I'm out, I
hate this and I'm out."
- Jammer just bends down and
picks it up with two fingers.
Does that work?
Does that still look like horns?
[yelling]
- Goat House!
- And as you do-
- Mess with the goat get-
- [Lou And Brennan] The horns!
- The horns!
And a bunch of gold fireworks
sh**t off across the sky
as you successfully complete the trial.
And we're just going to jump forward.
I just want a quick
epilogue from each of you.
You only got halfway
through the school year,
so I just wanna know how it ended
and how the world is different now
because of what transpired here
and throughout the rest of the year.
And I want Sam to go first.
- Okay.
We gave hope to the people
that were in our house,
which again, it's the biggest house
even though it's all the rejects
because they never win anything.
So being able to go
back with that victory,
everybody got the horns
now, we be lockin' up.
- We be lockin' up.
- And so, now all of those kids
walk around with more confidence.
They feel that they are not only empowered
to challenge the kids in the other houses,
they also feel empowered
to challenge the teachers,
and as we start saying things
that we feel like don't
make sense, they're like,
"It is weird that so many
of us are always injured,
and it is weird that none of
the teachers seem to care.
And it is weird that they
straight up tell you,
you rejected, you gotta
go in the yellow house.
It's weird," and they start
really internalizing that.
And so, some of them are still too shy.
Sam helps run workshops for empowerment.
Just little things,
if you wanna come I'll talk a little bit
about raising your self-confidence
and things like that.
And so we'll get the little
kids and they'll come in,
and for some of them, being
strong is being silent,
and that's totally cool.
Towards the end of the school year,
of course at this point,
I'm gonna just go ahead and assume
that if old Fergs knows
what's good for him,
they have now become...
They are now a couple.
- Yeah.
- Hanging out.
And even sometimes,
what's great is that he will
help with the workshops,
but he's still got some
of that evil on him.
So it's just one of the things like,
"Hey, babe, babe, babe,
babe, babe, maybe-"
- "Yeah, I'm sorry.
I was so excited, like
come on, let's f*ck'...
Oh, okay, okay.
I'm sorry, that's on me."
- And occasionally, kids from other houses
will also come in when
we do a big group thing
because now our house is also
the cool place to hang out.
People like to hang
out in our common room.
- "You've had food down
here the whole time?
What?"
Yeah, beautiful. K?
- So it's still a struggle to
figure out what feels good,
and to sort of think
for themself, first off.
Themself, I don't know.
And to find the things that were...
That were fun, and that they
liked about their old self,
and the princess self, and this new self.
But it's nice to have
friends that are supportive
of the mistakes that they
make and will help them.
So, they're doing well in school
and have found out that
they can question the system
without being a d*ck about it.
And so, K helps with workshops.
And they're still dating, it's official.
And it's good, and they're
super awkward in public.
And K has gotten Evan to binge watch
Netflix and Crunchyroll on the phone,
the one remaining phone that
we still have functioning.
- God, it's incredible.
The screen adds so much.
[laughing]
- Evan, go ahead.
- I mean, he's just the
happiest he's ever been.
Every day's cloud nine.
We're all on the Scuppers team,
he has these friends
that he never thought...
It's unbelievable.
I think that he dedicates
himself to every...
He knows that we're studying here,
he goes into all the libraries
and starts uploading PDFs
of them to a database
for when we reveal magic to the world
after we've cleaned
this f*ck' castle out.
And also has alerted...
Found out who the people who
were doing the marches were
and who our political
allies are in England,
and told them who Philtrum is,
and been like, "Hey, a nasty,
nasty bigot runs this school,
and she definitely tried
to get me m*rder*d."
And I think Evan gets to that place of,
I have not come here to be
the worst version of myself,
nor have I come here to be pushed around.
I don't wanna see you meet violent ends,
but you will absolutely
discover those for yourself
if you attempt to stop
the march of progress.
So you know,
to all you British wizards,
f*ck around and find out, I suppose.
[laughing]
And yeah, this huge PDF database of magic,
talking to the government
about Philtrum and about-
- Oh, Dr. B is definitely
the headmaster now.
- [Brennan] Incredible, yeah.
- He's like, "I'm not as
good at magic, and I'm not-
- Dr. B!
[cheering]
- We try to get it.
- History of magic
is now the most popular class.
- Now the most popular class.
- Also, we've tried to get
him to integrate NAMP studies.
- NAMP Studies.
- NAMP Studies.
- NAMP Studies.
- Been like, this is actually incredible.
You have to have an educated
population in a democracy.
History of magic is probably
the most critical class
at the school.
- "Thank you.
That's all I was saying the whole time."
- Yeah, exactly.
And I think, too, that
Evan just becomes...
He is who he is
and he has the stuff inside
of him that he has...
He carries it spread out across...
It was always too much to
carry that and himself,
and now his friends carry
him and he can carry that.
And life is only good.
- Jammer, my team captain.
Bring us home.
- I think Jammer is about...
I think Jammer's unlocked in this way,
that it's not just about sports anymore.
I think Scuppers is
still everything to him,
and I think game day is still the thing
he looks most forward to,
but I think that this
whole experience with them
and how his friends have seen him
unlocks this thing in him of like,
I can be a leader in other
spaces that aren't on the field.
And I think while Evan seems to take
more of an intellectual hyper, you know,
finding enemies in allies approach,
I think Jammer is a lot
more in the space of,
how can we foster a community amongst...
How can we bring people into this,
get people on this team
and into this space,
and educated and better for it?
And how can we use magic
to take care of the
people in the communities
that we come from?
And I think starts to take
school more seriously in general
because that's where he wants to be.
That's the person he wants to be.
It's not the star athlete,
but just somebody who facilitates
and makes community for others.
I think he also puts in
a half court basketball,
gets a half court asphalt area.
Has big plans for a baseball diamond
'cause we got this space.
- So much space.
[laughing]
So much space.
- Sometimes gives lectures
at Sam's talks about
nutrition and exercise,
and the importance of aerobics,
and how we don't all need to be whip thin-
[laughing]
And pale.
[laughing]
And yeah.
- Suffice to say that the
pilot program was a success.
And it's not that what you accomplished
ended all the problems,
but it created an amazing
beginning for the entire world.
And that started with you four,
but the things that you've
done here will ripple out
in both this world and
the one you came from,
and create something new and better.
And that is where we're going
to end "Magic & Misfits".
Misfits and Magic, I don't
remember what the show is called.
Nailed it.
[laughing]
Cut the feed!
[laughing]
[cheering]
[applauding]
- Hey.
- Oh my god.
- Oh my god.
[laughing]
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01x04 - Rumble Road
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A tabletop role-playing game show produced by and broadcast on Dropout and created and generally hosted by Brennan Lee Mulligan as the show's regular Dungeon Master.
A tabletop role-playing game show produced by and broadcast on Dropout and created and generally hosted by Brennan Lee Mulligan as the show's regular Dungeon Master.