1
- [whispering] The angel of the waters,
the fountain of purification and healing,
where all things can be born anew.
That's what dreams are,
they're the one thing
that connects us all.
Your desire to understand the thoughts
of this being have awoken it
from whatever was binding it.
- f*ck yeah.
- I want to take out my
little hair styling comb
and start going at these tails,
trying to get the tangles out.
- [Everyone Yelling At Once] Our tails!
- My children, you have a new,
f*cking non-d*uche bag king now.
- The rat king defeated, you
hold his crown in your hands.
Something came and tore me off.
The rat king was there and
he dragged me away, but--
- But it wasn't the rat king
that threw you off?
- Something else did.
No.
To tear me off of that fountain,
you would need powerful magic.
What were we doing?
The wedding!
[all laugh]
[mystical piano music]
- Welcome back to the Unsleeping City!
My name is Brennan Lee Mulligan
here are our intrepid heroes.
Say hi, intrepid heroes!
- [All] Hi, intrepid heroes!
- Oh, gosh!
Ah, last we left our
brave adventurers off,
they were deep in a cistern
covered in grime and mold and muck,
fighting against the rat king himself!
Being victorious over the rat king,
now holding the crown of the rat king,
you guys liberated Em,
the angel of the waters.
- The statue of Bethesda Fountain.
- My girl.
- Your girl.
Who cleaned you guys off, healed you.
Incredible bit of dream magic from Pete,
waking Em up.
Uh, and she flew off back
to Bethesda Fountain.
You guys are in your nice wedding duds.
Drenched, but sweet-smelling,
with a little bit of help from Em,
purifying you guys of all
the filth and sh*t and piss.
What do you guys do,
here in the sewers?
- Um...
- Wait, let's take a look at this crown.
Is this crown...?
- Yeah.
- Oh, right!
- I think I was wearing it.
You guys wanna... hey, let's
check it out. What is this?
- You can keep wearing it, you seem like
you really like it.
- Yeah, you guys can just
look at my head.
Look at my head, what is this thing?
- Kingston, weren't you
talking about that guy
who puts valuable things up his butt?
- Oh, yeah.
- It it funny.
- It's that guy who comes
in here all the time.
Yeah, this guy who comes
in the hospital a lot
who puts stuff up his butt, yeah.
- I'm saying we could--
- Do you think
it came out of his butt?
- I don't think you could
fit a crown up there.
- That's not my point!
My point is, maybe he might
have some perspective on.
- Lowell.
- Yeah, think about Lowell.
- Can I do a wisdom
check or something on it?
- Uh, you wanna do an
insight check on the crown?
- Yeah.
- Be my guest.
- Sweet.
- Ooh!
- 24.
- Woo-hoo!
- 24, very cool!
Uh, Murph, do you have the card over you?
- I do.
- You get a bead on this
and get the sense that yes.
This is a magical crown.
Whether or not it's been up
a single individual's
butt hole is hard to say.
- Right, all right.
- In all likelihood,
given the state of wear
and tear on the crown?
This thing could've been up
any number of butt holes.
- Um, I used to do colonics at the salon.
Can I do an insight check
to see if it's been up--
- I'm sorry, your salon offers colonics?
- I was just trying to see
if it was magic, but
d'you wanna see if it's...
- It is, it is very magical, yes.
- Got it.
- Can we get out of this dirty-a*s sewer?
We can have this conversation up--
- There might be some more cool stuff!
I just start crawling through.
[voices drowning each other out]
- Oh, my god.
- All of you guys head
tromping out of the sewers.
You arrive back, having been dried off
through the long period
of coming down through the sewers.
Maybe a little bit of magic
here and there to help,
'cos you get out and it is freezing cold.
The sun has since set.
It is December in New York.
Little strips of snow
hang out here and there,
but snow often doesn't hang around
even if it stays cold in
New York for very long.
You arrive in the manhole cover
that you exited from,
back near the ramble
where you can presume that
the reception for the
wedding is just beginning.
And you see Bethesda Fountain
cracked in half.
[gasping]
There is a blasted streak
of soot and ash across it.
And you see Em there on her knees,
looking at the fountain,
tears running down her face.
- Uh, I mean, I run to help her.
I say, you know what, honestly,
I have fixed worse hairdos than this.
- See, she sort of laughs
a little bit to herself
and says,
[ethereal voice] I don't understand.
I've guarded this fountain
since it was put here,
The beginning of the park.
I was the guardian of the waters.
I was with the rat king the whole time.
It couldn't have been him.
- Why did you have to
guard it to begin with?
Who would you be protecting it from?
- [sighs] She looks down and says,
New York can be a tough city.
There are a lot of odds
stacked against the average person here.
This fountain represented a change
in the course of the city.
Both in terms of,
I was modeled to look
like, you know.
- Million bucks.
- Thanks.
You see, she says.
I was modeled after a washerwoman.
Not a member of the aristocracy,
this place was supposed to be a fountain
to bring people joy.
I was supposed to guard
the human waters here.
And you know,
they hired a woman to design me.
That's a big deal, I think--
- You can tell.
You've got a woman's touch.
- I agree, I appreciate that.
- That's awesome.
- You a feminist?
- Yeah, I think that's great.
I am a feminist.
- I definitely have to interrupt this.
Okay.
[all laughing]
What was, so you said healing waters.
What was the significance?
Because remember I had that vision
where the baby told me
that people come here
with dreams.
Everyone came here with a dream.
Is this--
- Oh, darling.
People have been coming here with dreams
for 400 years.
- Yeah, that's true.
- What year did the Bethesda
Fountain get installed?
- [whispers] One second.
- Just gonna put you
on the spot real quick!
- Yeah, what are you made out of?
- What specifically is the type of stone?
- I can tell you the reason I'm asking,
because maybe you don't even need to do--
- I actually do know, and it was 1864.
- 1864, how old are you?
- A lady never... [grumbles]
- Sofia!
- Excuse you, yeah.
- We're all comfortable here!
I'll say how old I am.
- I mean, look.
Was I here in 1864?
Sure, absolutely.
- Do you remember it getting installed?
- Ah, so many lifetimes, one just forgets.
- See, Em says.
The point I'm trying to make is this.
To answer your question,
the waters that were put here
were meant to be a source
of divine magic in the city.
And any time you have a city like New York
that's very cosmopolitan,
it tends to tap into a
divinity that is neutral.
For everybody.
And there are ways to abuse that,
if you're not careful.
These waters are not only about healing.
They're also about purification.
People can come here
and anoint themselves,
start a new life.
I can't tell you how many times
someone's walked through this park
and come by this fountain
and decided to turn around for the better.
But in a concentrated dose,
it could also be used to purify...
I don't know.
Anything.
- Like, something evil?
- Like someone who was
on the naughty list.
- Someone who escaped.
Can I do an insight
check to look for clues
around this f*cked-up fountain
- Uh, yeah, go for it.
- Yeah, I'd also like to do that.
- What was that face you made
when I said naughty list?
- Uh, I got a 25.
- 25?
Hell yeah.
You scoop some of the soot off the thing.
You've been around a long time.
Smell it.
This soot is not burnt stone or wood.
This is old cremated flesh.
- Jesus Christ.
- [coughs] Kugrash.
- Hey!
Oh, hey, what's that?
- Uh, this is a person.
This is the cremated remains of a--
[overlapping voices]
- Satanic ritual!
- Somebody thrown in a felon?
- I take out a bunch of bags
of coke and dump them out,
and then collect some of these remains.
- Oh, in a baggie?
- To get a sample.
I flip it inside out, and then I put--
- Oh my god, the ultimate sacrifice!
- I mean, remember, it
almost all got ruined!
In a way, this is all...
I mean, do you guys wanna do some, or?
- No!
- Wait, are you gonna snort
some kind of dead demon person?
- No, no, so we can test it!
- No, it's evidence!
- Oh, I thought we were gonna snort it.
I was gonna say I'll do it with you.
- You can have some blow if you want.
Honestly, I don't touch
the stuff any more.
- I kind of wanna know what happens
if I snort the guy, sorry.
- [Misty/Siobhan] I don't
think that's a great--
- I'm a rat, I'm sorry!
- That's not a rat thing.
- I'm the rat king, okay?
- You got all up in arms
when I asked you.
- These aren't recent remains.
These are the ancient
remains of a cremated body.
- Maybe we can do some sort of testing.
- Oh, absolutely.
- I agree.
I think this is a good move.
- I have, like, three bags of remains.
- Young man, I know
that you're new to this.
But don't you have some
kind of Detect Magic,
as a sorcerer, what...?
- Uh, yeah, I do.
I can ask to use that, I guess.
- Absolutely.
You do have Detect Magic, don't you?
- I do have Detect Magic.
I just don't know how I would.
Oh no, I have Detect Thoughts.
- Oh, you don't have Detect Magic.
- Maybe I have it.
I know I'm not a healer, but maybe
that's my magic.
- Sofie...
I put my hands on it.
- Sofie, your magic is that
you're a wonderful person.
And you jump really good.
- Do I get anything?
- Uh, go ahead and roll
me a pure luck check.
- 14.
- Damn!
- Hey, you put your hands on there,
and you hear a whispering.
- Oh my god.
- Sofie...
- Oh my god.
- You should stand up.
And you see Em's talking in your ear.
You gotta stand up.
It's not gonna happen.
- Okay, I'm sorry.
No, you're okay.
Absolutely, it's fine.
- Thank you, I'm not a detect magician.
- Go, like, a hardware store nearby?
Maybe we can get this thing patched up?
- The whole fountain?
- Yeah, I don't know.
I can stay here if you guys...
- Look, my family works in construction?
- I think that we could maybe help
in some other way.
- See, Em looks out and says,
Look, all of you are too kind to rescue me
and then offer to help right here,
I can't be here.
I have to find a way
to get back in touch with the waters.
- Can we take you to the reservoir
or Washington Square Park,
or somewhere else like that?
- You could always stay at my place.
- Do you live in a fountain?
- No, I'm on Staten Island.
- I'm gonna go to Washington Square Park.
- Great!
[laughing]
- No-one wants to go to your place, Sofia!
- The ferry is so quick!
- Well, I can fly, so it's not that.
- Okay, got it!
- I'm gonna go to Washington Square Park
to figure something out.
Be careful, be safe out there.
- You too.
- Thank you for everything you've done.
Something's going on.
- Hey, let us know if
you need any more help.
- Toots, I knew I could
always count on you.
[exhaling heavily] She
takes off into the sky.
You hear the faint, sort of,
twinkle of music coming
from off in the ramble
as the wedding continues.
[light, sophisticated music]
- Man, let's go, I'm
going to this wedding.
[group agreeing, voices overlapping]
- This is the bread wedding.
The pigeons are gonna get offed!
I'm predicting it!
- [laughs]
That's a really good pun.
- The bread wedding.
- The bread wedding.
'Cos it's bad for birds
to eat their bread.
Thank you.
- I thought it was rice.
I thought birds could eat bread.
[overlapping chatter]
- I'm a f*ck' rat, Pete.
- I'm sorry!
- I like it, bread wedding.
- See, what should I do?
I'll just keep it in my bag.
- Yeah, hold onto the remains.
- I'm worried about my
friend, Ronald Pigeon.
- Um, is anyone vaguely concerned that
we're gonna be going into a wedding
we aren't technically invited to
with a bag of remains?
- We're invited.
- No!
- It looks like all the other drugs.
Look, I hold up a bunch of dime bags.
- Your coke is really black.
- Mm-hm, yeah.
It's crazy.
- Can we go?
- Yeah, we're plus-ones to the pigeons.
- You guys wander back into the wedding.
It's been like an hour and a half.
The ceremony's fully over,
so you guys just dipped on the ceremony
and are now back here as
the reception's starting up.
Wine's going around.
[fancy band music]
You see, as you arrive back at the glade,
people are now out of the tent,
the dance floor's getting cleared out,
you see as you enter back in,
surrounded by other pixies,
they're all hanging out
on a mostly empty hors d'ouerves tray
that an ogre is holding.
You see that Don Confetti,
no longer in the cottage,
looks up at you and goes,
Looks like you found your way
back to the wedding.
Funny, is it appropriate
in your various cultures
to say hi at a wedding, leave
for the entire ceremony,
and then come back to enjoy
the free food and drink?
- I mean, I'm fascinated that
during your daughter's wedding,
you were scanning the crowd
to see who was in attendance.
- Darling, the show must go on.
Sometimes things happen,
and you have to improvise.
And that's what's so exciting about life.
- Give me a persuasion check real quick.
- I like her answer better, ignore mine.
- I got 20, not nat.
- Not nat.
You see, he goes,
I suppose I don't have
an understanding of how actors and
various other hooligans and theater people
conduct their business.
But you're welcome to avail yourself
to all the food and tasty treats here.
Many of them are quite
small, although, of course,
that is to be expected,
because I and my family
are very teeny tiny.
- Teeny tiny in stature,
but big in character and importance.
- You have spoken truly, Misty Moore.
A true friend, as always, to the pixies
and the entire Confetti family.
Please help yourselves to some cupcakes
and also we have, I believe, some cannolis
that are being passed around right now.
- You do, I'm eating one.
- It's good, right?
We get 'em from Gianetta's
over in Brooklyn.
They do a great cannoli.
- Well, you should try it at Spaghetti's.
[laughing]
- What is happening in Staten Island?
[all laughing]
- A bakery named Spaghetti's?
- A bakery?
- I'm sorry, I have to raise a point.
Isn't your last name
just the Italian word for bicycle?
- Yeah, yeah it is.
- A-woof.
You know what I'm talking about?
[overlapping chatter]
- Your last name's Confetti!
- Watch out, Confetti!
- Oh, you got a problem with my last name?
You guys hear all a ton of ch-ch-ch-ch.
[g*ns clicking]
- Little tiny g*ns?
- Little tiny g*ns.
All these pixies c*ck--
- Whoa, whoa, whoa.
- I take my earrings out.
- Whoa, everybody.
- I use minor illusion to
throw confetti up into the air.
It's a celebration!
Your name is a celebration!
- Ah, the symbol of our name.
Beautiful, confetti.
Little pieces of paper
to mark a celebration
and they get stuck in the street
and all the gutters and stuff.
All right, help yourself to the food.
- All right.
That almost went real south, everybody.
[laughing]
- Let's not get shot.
- Yeah.
- Do you bake spaghetti?
I don't actually--
- It's a bakery called Spaghetti's.
- Joey Spaghetti's.
- It's really good.
- It's honestly not bad.
- I'm going to need everybody here
to make a wisdom saving throw.
[all groaning]
[dice clattering]
- 22.
- 18.
- 18, I get advantage on that.
- 17.
- Four.
- Four, gotcha.
- 15.
- 15, and what did Sofia get?
- 17.
- Cool, gotcha.
- Wow, right?
- Wise crew.
- Here we go!
- Too wise crew.
- Oh, can I use a lucky point?
- You can use lucky point if you want.
- Okay, great.
- Nat one.
[group laughing]
- We'll go with the eight!
Do you get advantage on
all wisdom saving throws?
Or, what does it say?
- Enchantment in possession.
- This is not enchantment,
so you do not get advantage.
- Oh, okay, 11.
And then my wisdom.
- Should I use another lucky point?
- 13.
- 13, gotcha.
- It might be something small.
- Cool.
You guys are hanging out at the wedding.
The reception is starting.
[upmarket band music]
You guys see that the tent is full.
Angela, the bride, is
saying hi to everyone.
She looks so happy.
She's got, no shock
here, a little pixie cut
that comes over one of her eyes.
She looks so happy.
You see an announcer who looks to be
this little cricket-legged fairy with
a little tux jacket on, goes,
[microphone squealing]
All right, all right, all right!
Let's clear that dance floor
for our first dance between
the bride and groom!
Give it up for Angela Confetti
and Ronald Pigeon!
[all clapping]
- I'm so excited to see
what this looks like.
- You guys see that Angela
steps out on the floor,
makes an earnest attempt to
start dancing with Ronald,
who's about as big as she is.
But Ronald can mostly just pigeon around.
He can't really dance.
So he's just kind of
jutting, higgledy-piggledy,
over the dance floor.
And she kind of twirls,
and little bits of glitter
around her as this happens.
- I start trying to palm people
different pill c*ck.
'Cos that's just how I bond at a wedding.
You're gonna need this.
- This is reminding me of
my first dance with Dale
so I'll take one.
- There's a bunch of good stuff in there.
There's about five different pills.
- Cool, I take some pills.
- You pop some.
Anyone who wants to can
make a perception check.
- You know I will.
[dice clattering]
- I don't think I'm very perceptive.
- Oh, I got a nat one.
- 21!
- 23.
- 18.
- Cool.
- Perception, I got 18.
- 18, cool.
So, Misty, what's Misty
doing here at the reception
with a nat one on a perception?
- I mean, I'm just
drinking champagne, baby.
Dancing like this,
like a real cool old lady.
[all laughing]
- Misty, you're having a ball,
'cos you're just holding court
and making someone else's wedding
kind of about yourself.
- The only one who's invited.
- Are you wearing white?
[all laughing]
- It's an off-white!
It's a cream.
- It's pretty, it's glowing.
- It's a beautiful dress.
- It's traditional in
my family to wear lace
to other people's weddings.
- Who got, some people got?
- 18 over here.
- I got 21.
- 23.
- I didn't roll.
- Go ahead.
- I don't think I'm very perceptive.
- Not perceptive, that's totally fine.
- So, with an 18, what's
Ricky up to at the reception?
- Ricky kind of tracked down the snacks,
and he was also, when
they started dancing,
just was very curious
about that image, of--
- Honed in on that.
For those who got above a 20,
as you guys are just hanging out here,
you all begin to notice
a lot of different stuff.
Kugrash and Kingston,
you guys basically notice
that there are a lot of
different kinds of people here.
In addition to fae, you see
that Rourke Redcap is here.
Who's one head of the fairy mafia.
There's some domovoy that
are like Russian fairies
that are over in a corner.
There's the band, who seems
to be some water nixie spirit.
The consigliere, Greg
Prickthorn is here as well.
You also are looking around.
Are you guys looking for
anything in particular,
or are you just having a good time?
- I think Kugrash is a little concerned
about his friend Ronald Pigeon
and the other pigeons getting
offed by these pixies.
- Cool.
- So, I'm looking to see
if anybody's like--
- I'm thinking more
about how all the different
things are adding up.
So I think there's just
a head on a swivel,
looking for more weird stuff.
- Gotcha, cool.
- Kug, you see that Perry
comes over to you and says.
Hi!
Looks like the dancing's getting started
right up in earnest!
- Yeah, very.
- Care to shake a tail-feather?
- Yeah, we can dance, yeah.
I start doing my dance with Perry.
[group laughing]
I just have a little dance.
Ah, Perry, how have the
pixies been treating you?
- Oh, they put out so many crumbs!
They're such good friends.
- Yeah?
- So good to see Ronald, you know.
We were all worried for a little while
'cos they have that whole
thing with Jessica Pigeon
and that was sorta weird for a while.
- What was up with Jessica Pigeon?
- Oh, y'know, one of those things where
they met in college and
they sort of fell into a pattern.
And then they got off and
sorta changed as people,
But it was kinda like,
good money after that.
They'd already sunk so much time
into the relationship that
as they became more and more incompatible
it just didn't seem to
make sense any more.
And all of our friends, you know.
Nobody wants to be that first person
to cross the river, to sort of mention,
Hey, you guys fight
more than you get along!
So maybe you should think
about packin' it in!
You're still in your early 20s, you know.
You could actually find another partner,
go out and date around.
But it just seemed to be that kinda thing
where routine and habit,
and every day it gets
harder against the weight
of all the previous experiences
to break out of a bad pattern.
It's when you're codependent--
- I stuff a Xanax
in his mouth as I pass by.
[group laughing]
[choking sound]
- So much Xanax in one pigeon!
[Perry/Brennan gulping]
- It was a quarter, it was a
quarter of a bar, don't worry.
[Perry/Brennan cooing]
Wow.
- I'm sorry if I f*cked that up.
- Wow.
- How does Jessica feel
about this wedding?
- So loose.
So loose.
Everything's good.
- She's...
You're just good?
- I'm good.
- I'm so sorry, dude.
- I thought I was helping you!
I'm sorry!
- That's the most I've
ever gotten out of Perry!
- Oh, f*ck!
- Perry was so perceptive!
- I got some uppers too if you want to
try to counterbalance this.
- Oh my god, don't make a little c*ck
at this tiny creatures party!
- You know, why don't we
give him a lot of coffee?
- Oh, I got some coffee.
I know just what you need.
- Hey man.
Hey, man, you're beautiful.
- Hey, you're beautiful too.
Perry, you're great.
- You're beautiful.
Can you fly?
- Uh, nope.
- Here's an upper, just give him that.
- I'm flying right now.
On the ground, first time.
Okay, I'm gonna take a walk.
I can't be in here any more.
- Godspeed, Perry!
Take your drugs back!
- I can't be around all these people!
- I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, man.
- Perry leaves.
[fluttering wings]
Sofia also got a high perception check.
What's Sofia on the lookout for?
- Okay, well, Sofia is
definitely not in her right mind
because she was witnessing
a happy marriage
and it's giving her flashbacks
and making her think of Dale.
So I think, but possibly
whatever she got from Pete
is helping her to focus
on intellectual things
rather than emotional things.
The fact that Mario was
here is on her mind.
- Gotcha, so she's on the bead
for how and why Mario got
here, and what the deal was.
- Yeah, I think she's scanning.
But then something will catch her eye
and she'll be like, oh my god.
It's the same table
runner color as ours was.
Sofia, get it together.
- With a 21, you notice that the pixies
partially recognize you.
A couple of them make a look,
not in a threatening or intimidating way,
but in a way of, oh they
must know your family.
- He did know my last name.
- Knew your last name, exactly.
After the bride dance, you see
they announce the father-daughter dance.
You see Don Confetti dancing with Angela.
You see him there, she goes like,
Oh Daddy!
It's so special on my special day!
He goes, Angela, light of my life.
Wind under my little butterfly wings.
I love you so much.
I don't know why you
had to marry a pigeon.
But know this.
If he ever crosses you, he'll
be sleeping with the fishes.
And by fishes, I mean pigeons.
They die all the time.
They really do die all the time.
They're not very smart
or good at surviving.
She says, I love you, Daddy!
They just float around a little bit.
After that, you see
that Angela is actually
over near you getting a
little drink for herself.
And catching a little moment.
And as she flies past
she turns over to you
in her little white, it
looks like white leaves
that have been glued, a very form-fitting
little pixie dress.
She looks over--
- David's Bridal?
- How did you know?
- Oh, I tried that one on.
Honestly, I do not have
the figure to pull it off
like you, though.
You look fantastic.
- I'm not surprised
you don't have the figure to pull it off.
You're about a hundred
times bigger than I am!
- Well, yeah, you must've
had to get that sized down.
A lot.
- Yeah.
It was really expensive.
My dad paid for it, but it's okay,
'cos he's a very successful businessman."
- Yeah, well, congratulations
on your wedding day.
Marriage is a beautiful thing.
- Oh, my god, that's
so sweet of you to say!
Thank you so much.
- Yeah.
- Love your hair, by the way.
- Thank you, I do it myself.
I know, it's crazy, a lot of aestheticians
don't actually work on
theirself, but I do.
Um, so yeah, I don't
know, congratulations.
Where are you guys gonna honeymoon?
- Well, there's a lot
of rooftops in the city
that have a lot of crumbs on 'em,
so that's where Ronald's
interested in going.
- What about you?
I mean, your honeymoon shouldn't just be
something that's so
specifically for your husband.
- I think he'll end up
going probably anywhere,
but every time I've asked,
he only mentions these
rooftops with crumbs on 'em.
- Oh, okay, well you should definitely
look into, you know.
Puerta Vallarta.
- Really?
- Yeah.
- I heard a lot of people
were going to Tulum.
- No, Puerta Vallarta's the
most beautiful honeymoon
you could ever go on.
- My god, sweetheart, are you okay?
- Yeah, I'm fine.
- All right, well, it's my day,
so if you're gonna cry, go outside.
- Yeah, absolutely.
- You see that she flies away.
Yes.
- I have a quick question,
was that a wisdom-saving throw
that we did?
- It was.
- Okay, I do get advantage
on wisdom-saving throws.
Across the board for my Plug bracelet.
- Oh, hell yeah, great.
- So it isn't dual soul, but yeah.
So I'm at like a 20 or
something like that.
- Cool, cool, cool.
- I think I'm just trying
to sell drugs again.
- Pete, you actually, a
guy comes over to you.
One of the dryads who's been helping out,
almost like a hostess here.
Comes over and says, uh, are you the plug?
- Yeah.
- And points over to
a table on the corner.
This table appears to have
humans at it.
A bunch of humans.
They're wearing very formal black suits.
You see there's about
three guys in black suits.
They look very good-looking, pale.
Sort of like sharp,
predatory-looking people.
There's one woman there
who's got a pencil skirt
and a black suit top.
And you see that there's
a much older man, who
has that vibe
that very old businessmen have sometimes
of being made of granite.
Just in how still and assured he is.
There's another young
woman there with them
who's wearing a much more colorful gown
and looks a lot more flush, younger.
Maybe early 20s.
Her mascara is running a little bit
as though she's been crying.
And you see that the dryad
directs you over to their table.
- Great.
I put on my
game face.
Beautiful night.
- The old man speaks.
You see the other younger
people nod their head at you.
The young woman
doesn't make any eye
contact with you at all.
The older fella looks at you and says
beautiful night is right.
Well, we're out here, aren't we?
Enjoying New York in the winter.
Nights get long, and
you can't see the stars
but you can feel them out there.
- Yeah, totally, great party.
I'm having a great time.
You guys having a good time?
- We could be having a better time.
- Agree, what can I get you?
- Well, I think we'll take,
let's say,
a brick of your finest snow, my young man.
- Okay, all right.
- Don't accidentally give
them the cremated remains.
[group laughing]
- I'm digging through
and trying to separate
the full-on ashes.
Okay, they're all in really dark bags.
Okay, I pull out an insane amount of blow.
- You see that the guy nods
to one of the younger people at the table.
And this young man hands you crisp,
fresh from the bank notes.
- Cool, I don't count them.
I just am like, oh yeah.
- Puts them away.
You see that the young woman
looks up a little bit.
The other woman very slim and again,
all business-looking.
Takes the brick, cuts it
open with one of her nails
and begins to do out some lines,
not in front of herself
but in front of the
young woman at the table.
You see that the older
man looks up and says,
care to do some with us?
- I would love to, man.
And as I do that, can I cast subtle spell
with Detect Thoughts on this person
by using a sorcery point?
- Hell yes.
- That's awesome.
- Okay, so Subtle Spell I
don't have to move anything
and no-one can tell?
- You do not, you don't move your hands.
Nobody can tell you're casting a spell.
- Oh my god, that's so sick.
- That is awesome.
- Hell yeah.
[dice clattering]
Rad.
I gotta roll some saves.
- Does that mean
they don't have a chance
to save against it?
'Cos they don't know it's happening?
- They do still save against it.
- And this is, are you casting on the girl
that they're giving coke to?
- The crying one, yeah.
- That's a lot of dice.
- f*ck.
[shuddering, mysterious chime]
- Your sense of curiosity
begins to move through.
You completely glide over
all of the people at the
table dressed in black,
including the old man,
but the mind of the young
woman opens up to you.
You feel yourself split
between reading her thoughts
and the desire to go deeper.
So you can either read
just her surface thoughts
or you could choose to go deeper.
If you go deeper, it's
gonna require active effort
and might f*ck up you talking
to these guys at the table
and give them a chance to notice.
- True, okay.
Can I stay in surface thoughts right now
while doing lines with them
and then wait until--
- Absolutely.
You feel the young
woman's surface thoughts
are going:
it's not too much longer.
It's not too much longer.
It's just another year.
All you need is another year.
You're gonna get out of this.
You know other people that have done this
and they're all fine.
They got what they needed.
You see that the old man
looks up at you and says,
well, after you, my good man.
- Great, I do an insanely long line.
- He looks at you and says, Jesus Christ!
You got a nose on you, kid!
What are you, half elephant, my god.
- Nah, I just do, it's such a great night.
What do you guys do?
You're posted in the corner.
Why aren't you out there mingling?
- Ah, you know, I'm an
associate of Don Confetti.
Old business partners.
I wouldn't want to take up
space on the dance floor.
Besides, I got two left feet as it is.
- Yeah, definitely, you're telling me.
You seem like a sports guy.
You play anything?
- Do I play any sports?
I used to play stick ball back in the day,
but that was a long time ago.
- Very cool, very cool.
- He looks over at you and
says, how about yourself?
What's your name, friend?
- Ah, I'm Jeffrey.
- Jeffrey, Rob.
Nice to meet you.
- Great to meet you too.
- He looks over at you and says, so.
I imagine you're gonna be
writing this wedding off
on your taxes, huh? [laughs]
- Absolutely, yeah, yeah.
You know what, I heard
they're trying to pass some law
that's gonna hike up the tax rate
for people who are...
You know, I believe in
trickle-down theory, don't you?
- You look, by the way, and he says,
trickle down?
He goes, trickle down?
Reagan was a genius.
- Right, right?
- Reagan was a genius.
- I get him.
I'm trying to get him so
hyped up on this, and then.
- That man, I mean, what
he did for this country.
- I go for the deeper thoughts.
[all laughing]
- You go to her deeper thoughts.
As you go to her deeper thoughts, you see
that she starts doing lines off the table.
The other three young
men, the other young woman
at the table, who are all very pale,
watch her do lines by herself.
All of them start to tap their fingers.
As you go deeper into her thoughts,
you see other instances of
her going out with these guys,
doing drugs, the people surrounding her.
Fang distending from their mouth,
sinking their fangs into
her and drinking her blood.
Not enough to k*ll her,
but getting her high enough
that they can get a high
off of drinking her blood.
- Okay.
- By the way, you do not see the old man
drinking blood from her.
You see, he looks at you and says,
Reagan, he was right.
I mean, I never voted for him,
'cos I'm not a big voting guy.
But I donated like crazy to his campaign.
Go ahead, first of all,
give me a wild magic roll
for that Detect Thoughts.
- Oh, no.
- Two.
- Uh-oh!
- Now it's one and two.
Now it's one and two.
- Argh!
- Could you also be kind enough
to give me a deception check?
- Oh, cool, I think I have good deception.
Yeah, I have plus eight.
[dice clattering]
I do plus these?
Oh, yeah, that's 27.
- Woo!
Rad.
So you see, yeah.
He talks to you a while longer.
After the girl's done a couple lines,
you see that she looks around.
Makes eye contact with you as
her eyes well up with tears.
Stands up and walks outside
with the other four,
and it's just you and the
old man, Rob, who are here.
You see he looks over at you and says,
well, thanks again for being
Johnny on the spot here.
And what was it again?
- Jeffrey.
- Jeffrey, right.
[both laughing]
- Wouldn't wanna say your real name
or bubbles'd come out of my mouth, huh?
- Help.
[group laughing]
I laugh, I do not let him know
that that registered with me.
I'm like, sure buddy.
And then I walk away.
- Cool.
- Nauseous.
- Rad.
What does Pete do as he walks away?
- I'm trying to find Kingston.
- Cool, you go over to Kingston.
Kingston's head's on a
swivel, you're looking around.
You've clocked Pete
having this interaction.
- Do I recognize this man?
- You don't recognize this man.
- Okay.
Pete, what's going on?
- What the f*ck?
Okay, we have to talk, bro.
We can't talk here.
- Okay, you wanna dance?
- Yeah.
[group laughing]
Of course I do!
[dance music]
- Great, we can dance and talk.
- So, we're dancing.
- Come on, dance!
- Oh, this is perfect.
Okay, dude, do you see those
crazy people over there?
- Yeah.
- So, you know the girl
who looked really sad?
- Uh-huh.
- Okay, I detected her thoughts.
It seems like those other
three really pale people
with her are vampires.
- Okay.
- They make her do a bunch of drugs
and then they suck her blood
to get high off of her.
- Okay, that's not that crazy.
- No, the f*ck' crazy thing is--
- Hey, keep dancing.
- This isn't dance?
All right, so you know that older guy?
- Uh-huh.
- I think that that was maybe my dad.
- What?
- I'm not sure what happened.
Something f*cking happened--
- I've never seen that man before.
- Okay, my dad is a
m*therf*cking dickhead.
And he [laughs]
he said [stammering] someone helped me
by making bubbles come out of his mouth
and taking him away.
- So he knew what you
had done to your father?
- This old guy knew what
had happened to my dad.
- Have you told anyone
else about your dad?
- I don't know, who have I...
No, I think I told Alejandro
about what happened to my dad, I think?
I'm not sure.
Do you guys remember me telling this story
about my dad and the bubbles?
- I don't think we've heard this before.
- It's cool though, gotta say.
If you can teach me that trick,
that's cool, I would do that.
- I think I told you guys, because then
someone was like, we can
k*ll him if you want.
And I said yeah, please
go ahead and k*ll my dad.
- Somebody in your head?
- Yeah, whoever Lazarus is,
someone evil did this
to me, and I let them.
- Okay, I don't like
this man in the corner.
Misty, you got any thoughts?
- No, I don't know.
- I don't know how I feel--
- Is he still there?
Can I look over and
see if he's still there?
- I feel like I would know
everybody at this wedding..
- Yeah, exactly.
- You see that he's now speaking,
he's talking to Don
Confetti over in the corner.
They're kind of chatting and
laughing with each other.
- [gasps loudly] Dude, dude, okay.
So, I dunno if this is crazy, okay.
He, okay, I've got to keep dancing.
So, what I think happened is,
you guys know how we keep
hearing Lazarus is like,
"I'm leaving today."
- Uh-huh.
You keep hearing it and
keep telling us about it.
- But anyway!
So my dad got carried away
because he was a piece of sh*t,
and I was fine with it, but
what if this Lazarus guy
took over his soul or something?
And then used that fountain
to, like, clean it?
Something happened with that fountain
and cleaning bad people.
- I dunno.
Misty, do you wanna use your connections
with Don Confetti to go over,
have him introduce you to this man?
- That's a great idea.
- Try something like that.
- The other people at the wedding,
what are you guys up to?
- I guess we'll go join these.
We see the whole group.
- I'm wasted and trying
to start a conga line.
[all laughing]
But no-one understands what I'm doing.
- They're all so small!
- In that case, I grab Sofie.
Sofie, you doin' okay?
- I'm trying to start a conga line,
but with their heads.
- I'm dancing with my date.
She's just sort of on my chest.
[all laughing]
- This buff, hot firefighter
with a pigeon on his chest?
- [Misty/Siobhan] It's like my necklace.
- I'm gonna snap a picture of that
and send it to the girls at the salon,
and be like, Mr. March has a girlfriend!
- But dancing towards them, yeah.
- I go over to that table,
and I'm like, Don who's your friend?
And I do that old old lady creep,
arm around the waist on this guy.
- Cool, make a persuasion check for me,
if you'd be so kind.
- I would love to.
- Can we say that you guys filled us in
on what you're talking about?
- Yeah.
- And if you could make that
check with disadvantage.
- All right, that was a 16.
[dice clattering]
And this is a 13, so 23.
- 23, cool.
You slide your arm around the guy.
Feels like a human dude.
Older, middle aged kind of human guy.
You see that Don Confetti says,
Oh, Misty Moore.
I'm surprised you have not
already met my friend Robert.
Robert, please say hi to Misty.
You see this guy Robert
turns to you and says,
Ah, Miss Moore.
It's a pleasure to meet you.
- Charmed, I'm sure!
And I give him my hand like this.
- Kisses your hand.
You see that Don says,
Misty is, of course,
a very accomplished stage actress.
She is very famous.
You see that Robert nods and says,
I've seen some of your performances.
What a knockout.
- Thank you so much, it's
always great to meet...
I don't even like the word fan,
but people who enjoy my work.
You know, we live in a city of artists.
That's why we're here, you know?
It's so important to experience
so many of the things in the city
that people miss out on.
So what do you do?
- Oh, I work in finance.
I'm a friend of the Don's.
- Oh, fantastic.
You know, finance is also
a great hub of the city.
Artists, we wouldn't be able to survive
without the finance guys.
I mean, all of us would
love to buy into this
starving artist myth,
where you have to be starving to make art.
But let's be realistic.
When you have a nice bed,
everything's a little easier.
You know what I mean?
- And I doubt you've been
starving for some time,
Miss Moore.
- Well, you know, starving is relative.
Broke is relative, you know what I mean?
But I do fine, I do fine.
- Mmm, I'm sure.
You see he looks over.
The vampires and the young girl,
who now is bone pale and
having a hard time standing.
They come out wiping their mouths.
Sit back down, and Robert
looks over at you and says,
Well, you'll have to excuse me.
It looks like the other
vampires have come back.
And he turns around and
walks away from you.
- It's been a pleasure!
- Don looks over and says,
Yes, it has been a pleasure.
Now if you'll excuse me,
I have to go and verbally harass the DJ
because he is playing a bunch of duds
and these songs, they
are too hard to dance to.
I will be right back.
- Don, you've gotta come
dance with me though.
- I will do what I can.
But know this, I only do this
because you have asked this favor of me
on the day of my daughter's wedding.
And he zips away.
- Did I use up my favor?
I could've had anything in the world.
- Can I...
I've heard that something's
gone on with this girl.
It looks really predatory,
her surrounded by these dudes
and her looking faint.
I think as a woman in her 30s,
I'm looking at her being like,
I would like to try to help her out.
I feel maternal towards her.
So I'm gonna go over there and just say,
I'm so sorry, I need help
getting out of this dress to pee.
D'you guys mind if I
borrow this sweet girl?
It's such a nightmare getting
out of this dress to pee.
So I need a friend in the bathroom.
- You see the young woman looks up at you
and looks at the other
people here and says,
I'm so sorry, I'm fine, thank you.
- Oh, I'm not worried about
you, I'm worried about me.
And peeing, and...
- Give me a persuasion check.
[dice clattering]
- 10.
[all laughing]
- You see that she looks and says,
I'm fine thanks.
Pete, are you still reading her mind?
- Mm-hm.
Or, well, am I?
- Yeah, I believe probably you are.
You read in her mind
that she actually doesn't want
to leave the table.
She feels afraid
and shitty and f*cked up
but is also
choosing to be here
in some regard or another.
- Okay, cool.
I think I go up to Sof and I'm like,
did I overhear you need
some help in the bathroom?
- Yes.
- They're gender-neutral at this wedding.
I can go with you.
- Okay, great.
That'd be so helpful, thank you so much.
If you ever need a haircut,
you have beautiful hair.
And I give her my business card.
- Can you give me a
deception check as well?
[dice clattering]
- A nine.
- You see that Robert speaks up and says,
Now, forgive me for being blunt,
but you folks aren't worried
for the safety of my companion
Melissa here, are you?
- Okay, I'm just gonna lay it out there.
First off, I'm a little drunk,
because I'm going through a divorce,
and it's hard to be at a wedding.
Second off, if I see a young
woman surrounded by men
who's looking a little sick to her stomach
at a place where alcohol is being imbibed
at an alarming rate, I'm gonna step in
and make sure she didn't get roofied.
- You see he nods, looks around.
He says, Melissa, you're free to go.
If you wanna go.
She looks at him and
says, I don't wanna go.
- I pop in like, she looks
like she's having a great time.
You guys look like you're
having a great time.
Sofie...
- Sorry!
I just wanted to make sure
someone didn't get roofied.
- And we need more strong women like you.
- Thank you.
- Right?
- Now will you help me get
out of my dress so I can pee?
- Yeah, of course!
- And Robert says,
While we're handing out business cards,
Jeffrey, you ever wanna talk...
You see he hands you a business card.
His name doesn't appear on it, but
it has a address
and the name of a
prominent hedge fund on it.
- It doesn't say Robert?
- It does not say Robert.
- Just hedge fund.
- It's like a business's business card.
Doesn't have his name on it.
- Do either of you have
Detect Good and Evil?
- I do not.
- I mean, I have Protection from that.
- Oh, you have Protection but not Detect.
- I feel like I had that
but I don't have it.
- They're vampires.
They're bad, right?
- I'm still dancing.
- I'm really triggered by
the bubbles comment still,
with my dad, and I'm just seething.
- Cool.
- I don't know what I'm doing.
But I know I'm angry.
- That interaction shook
me back into place.
I'm no longer as upset about the wedding.
- I'm explaining to you all
the Detect Thought stuff
on how she actually wanted to be there.
So there's some sort of weird setup.
- Is Kugrash watching this?
- Yeah.
I think we're all kind of circled up.
I think once these guys started dancing,
I think we all kind of came together.
And then over here.
- Cool.
You look at this guy Robert.
You've met this guy before.
- What?
- You met this guy a long time ago.
- What do I know about him?
- You know that he's a very powerful,
very dangerous guy
who you only met in passing one time.
- Okay.
Does he know Gabriela?
Okay.
- Who's Gabriela?
- Eh, you know, it doesn't matter.
This guy is bad news.
- Okay, I have a theory.
[intense throbbing music]
I have a theory based
off of what Pete said.
They're laundering souls
and selling them to the soulless.
- What?
- That's kind of brilliant.
- That's so intense.
- That's what I think they're doing.
They're stealing souls
and then cleaning them
in the Bethesda Fountain,
and then selling them to
people who don't have souls.
- Like vampires.
- Like selling passports.
- Yeah.
- I'm so...
I don't know if this is
too ridey about this.
But I think I'm so worked
up about this Robert guy
and he knows something about my dad,
and I'm talking to them,
and I'm like, that f*cking
guy knows something
about my dad.
And when I point, I activate True Strike.
Is that possible?
- Awesome, yeah.
That's great.
- 'Cos I know it takes a whole turn.
- Roll wild magic for me.
- f*ck, great.
One and two?
- One and two, yeah.
- Six.
- Hey!
- All right everybody.
Let's get Pete, let's calm down.
- Okay, all right.
- Let's everybody--
- We about ready to go, right?
- We are depleted.
We already had a battle today.
- Does he look the same
as he did back then?
- He does, yep.
- He's a vampire.
- But in your story, you
said you didn't see him
drinking the blood.
It was the other three.
- Yeah, yeah, so this guy--
- To get high.
- I think this guy--
- You guys are, by the
way, talking very loudly
at the wedding right now.
- Hey, everybody, why don't
we go back to my place?
All right?
- Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Hey, macarena!
- We grab her.
[group laughing]
- You guys bounce--
- As we leave, I just want
to write a really long,
really heartfelt, way too intimate thing
in the wedding book.
[all laughing]
- The guestbook?
- Take the wedding book.
- Take it, take the wedding book!
- Okay, well you guys can take me.
I'm writing, I'm still
writing in the wedding book.
- Guys, don't get us
k*lled for a wedding book.
- No, I'm writing.
I'm writing about the beauty of marriage.
- Can I leave a $50 check as a gift?
- Absolutely, you may, yes.
- I wanna just give a head-nod
or a little salute to that guy
to see how he reacts to me.
- He has no recognition of you at all
and looks very confused.
- Okay.
- I leave a couple of tickets
for opening night of "A
Midsummer Night's Dream".
[overlapping chatter]
- I add my name to her card.
- A Kugrash paw.
- I ask the wedding planner
if there's another guestbook
'cos I've filled this one up.
- You guys proceed to bounce.
You see that as you're all
getting ready to leave,
Perry comes over to you, Kugrash.
Hey, uh...
What's going on?
- Hey, we gotta head out.
[sad piano music]
God damn it.
I kiss him.
[group laughing]
[Perry yelping excitedly]
- They're making out.
We're like, Kugrash, we gotta go.
- Incredible.
- I have one more thing.
- I adjust my contact so I can see better.
- I know I'm leading him on,
but I feel like we've got a short-term...
- Sometimes you've
gotta do the nice thing,
not the right thing.
- Right, yeah.
- Do vampires show up in photographs?
'Cos they don't show up in mirrors.
Do vampires show up in photographs?
- I don't think think they
show up in photographs, no.
- Great, so can we take a selfie
with the vampires and
Robert in the background?
- Yes.
[group cheering]
- See if Robert's a vampire?
That's brilliant.
- Esther, this is me at the wedding.
- Don't send it to anyone!
- And then I look at the picture.
- At that table,
Melissa shows up, the young woman.
And Robert shows up.
- Okay, okay.
- Okay, right, everybody.
Back to my house, let's go.
- You guys dip, arriving
back at Kingston's.
What do you guys do when you get there?
- f*ck that guy.
- You think your mother has
any cinnamon rolls baking,
or some kind of--
- My mother?
What time is it?
- It's probably 11:00 at night.
- My mother should be in bed.
I promise you, if I went down
and asked for cinnamon rolls,
she would wake up and cook them.
But we're not doing that.
- Do you have any deli meats, or anything?
I just sorta snacked on tiny pixie food.
- What do I have in my--
Let's see, I have a bunch
of fresh vegetables.
And can I make--
- You can make a big salad.
- Yeah, I make a big salad.
Lots of baby spinach.
I chop up some tomatoes,
some bell peppers.
- You go to the farmers' market for this?
- Of course I go to the farmers' market!
I'm all about celebrating, you know.
- I'm on your page.
I start making some hummus
in a food processor with you.
- Yeah, we're all just cooking.
We're all wet in nice clothes, cooking.
- I'm making eggplant rollatini.
- Us three bumping elbows in the kitchen.
- You go to Queens for this mozzarella?
It's delicious.
- I mean, of course.
Only the best.
- Can I just as a
precaution use Divine Sense
to see if there's any...
- You scan the place, no.
Kingston's apartment seems okay.
You do detect a very
strong undead presence
on the top of the refrigerator.
- It's the mummy, all right?
It's just the mummy, all right?
- You have a mummy?
- Is this what the obsidian ankh is about?
- Yeah, it's from when we fought the mummy
back in Long Island, you know?
- Oh, darling, it was so much fun.
The stories we have.
- Yeah, it was wild.
- I have nightmares really easily.
What, what...?
- Well, if you have nightmares easily,
shouldn't we not tell you
the scary thing we did?
- Yeah, guys--
- Anyway, the Metropolitan Museum
has so much fascinating
stuff, and it's free!
I mean, it's not free,
it's suggested donation,
but if you pay for the
Metropolitan Museum,
you're a g*dd*mn fool.
- The Met isn't free any more.
They changed it, it's $25.
- I have my phone out,
and I'm doing a little
seven-minute workout.
- Great.
- Okay, great.
Everybody's settled, we've
got salad on the table.
Eggplant rollatinis and fresh-made hummus.
What's going on?
- This guy, I know this guy from the 80s
and he hasn't aged.
So whether or not he's a
vampire, he's somethin'.
- May I ask you, Misty?
And before when I mentioned your age--
- I'm doing this.
- Before, I was scolded at by a man
who tried to snort human remains.
So, you know, let's let
that sit with everyone.
But are you a vampire, or is
there a way to be immortal
that Ronald could be a...
- Darling, I'm a fairy.
- So, is Ronald possibly a fairy?
- Robert.
- Robert.
- I mean, it's possible.
But I have never met this
man before in my life,
and the fairy community in
New York City is pretty tight.
I mean, look, I'm friends
with Don Confetti,
and that guy's not a great dude,
but he's one of my people, you know?
You've gotta stick together.
- I see.
- Kugrash, I hate to pin it to you, man.
But you know this guy from the 80s how?
- Ah, yeah, ah.
He is...
He hangs out around humans.
I don't think he hangs
out around this type.
I think he hangs out in the real world.
- I feel like you're not
telling us something.
- Yeah.
- In what context did you meet him?
Did you, I don't know,
get caught in a rat-trap
in his apartment?
- Oh, okay, let's not be rude.
- Yeah, that's not--
- Was that rude?
I'm on your page now, sorry.
- Apparently.
- Kug, we're not trying to put you
in a space you don't wanna be put in.
But this seems to be something.
- I wasn't always a rat.
- [gasps] What?
- What?
- I wasn't, I wasn't always a rat.
- You chose to be a rat?
- I didn't.
- Were you like, a parrot or a turtle?
- No, I was a human.
I was a guy.
- What?
- You were a dude named Kugrash?
- That is exactly what my question was!
Who names their child Kugrash?
- My name is not...
- Were you, like, a stockbroker?
- Yeah.
- Really?
- What was your name?
What'd your name used to be?
- My name, my real name,
is Bruce.
- Bruce what?
- Kugrich.
- Okay, can I go on Google
and search Bruce Kugrich?
- Uh, yeah go ahead and
make a investigate check.
- This is huge for me right now!
- This is crazy.
- I'm looking at a rat man
that used to be a full man named Bruce.
- And he's wearing a crown.
- I got a four!
Is there another Bruce Kugrich?
- There's an extremely successful
movie horse breeder named Bruce Kugrich
out in Los--
- Horse breeder!
- He breeds horses for
movies, show horses.
- I show everyone.
Oh my god, you breeded horses?
- That's why you're so good with animals!
This all makes sense!
- How d'you get into that kind of job?
It has to be your parents
or something, right?
- Family job, right?
Horse-breeding?
- Wow.
- Point is, I'm Kugrash now,
but I knew this man in my old life.
- Look, I'm a drug dealer, man.
It's fine, just tell us everything
about who you used to be
and how you knew this guy.
- Yeah.
- Y'know, that part of my life
is behind me, I wasn't--
- Look, darling.
We've all had different lives.
Let me tell you about my good
friend John Wilkes Booth.
He was a fabulous actor.
- That's a big drop.
- Fabulous!
- I'll say it wasn't as
bad as John Wilkes Booth.
- If we're all admitting secrets,
I wasn't always a firefighter.
I was in high school, and then
after high school I became a firefighter.
- That's not a secret.
That's just a normal life.
- You lived,
is what you're saying.
- Two phases,
high school and then firefighter?
- And then firefighter.
And community college
for a year and a half.
- You get a text on your
phone, Ricky, from Esther.
It says, at Clinton Hill
Chantry with Alejandro.
We may have found something.
Are you with Pete?
- Text, that's awesome.
With Pete right now.
How are you?
Yeah, sorry, go ahead.
- The text back says, if
all of you guys are there,
you should come here at
your nearest convenience.
You can come tonight if
you need to, or tomorrow.
- I mean, I'm pretty tired.
- I just made this big salad.
- Honestly, I've got so
much rollatini in me.
- I'm worried.
We can go tonight or tomorrow, but,
I don't know, I have a bad feeling.
- Yeah, I kinda do too.
- Let's go.
- All right, let's go.
- Let's go tonight.
- Salad and hummus and rollatini to go?
- I'll get the Tupperware!
- Cool, it's midnight.
You guys hop on the subway
to head all the way to--
- I'm hopped up on coke, so.
- Yeah.
- I'm good to go.
- You guys get on the train,
you're heading out.
[train clattering on tracks]
It's a long ride from here to Brooklyn.
- Can we take a short rest on the train?
- Absolutely, you can all take
a short rest on the train.
- I'm listening to The Prodigy.
- I just keep stealing looks at Kugrash
trying to imagine what
he looked like as a man.
Did he have a big beard?
- I have an app that
can give people makeup
and stuff like that.
- Yeah, let's do that.
- No, I wasn't, I wasn't--
- Just a smooth ball on him.
- Oh my god, he's so handsome.
- He looked like this.
- Wow!
- Kugrash looks like a thug!
- Kug, your cheeks are so rosy.
- Yeah, you know.
- Your jawline's so pronounced.
- Wonderful.
You guys arrive at the
Clinton Hill Chantry.
Ricky, you're very
familiar with this space.
You walk up, you see that Frank is there
on the front of the door.
You see he looks up and goes,
Ay, there, Ricky Matsui,
how's it goin' bud?
- Uh, pretty good.
We just came from a
wedding, it was beautiful.
- Oh, beautiful!
Who got hitched?
- A pigeon and a little fairy.
- Beautiful, I love it. Que bella.
You see, he says,
Well, I bet you understand that
Esther and Alejandro have
been working their butts off
in there, so.
Oh, got a bunch of new friends.
Hello, I'm Frank, I'm a gargoyle.
I'm only a head, and I'm
living on this door forever.
So, that's about me.
- How's it going, Frank?
It's been a while.
- Oh, Misty!
It's good to see ya!
- Good to see you, it's
always good to see you, Frank.
- Well, you look good, I gotta say.
By the way, I wanted to mention something.
You think you could get tickets for me
to come see your show?
I can't make it 'cos
I'm stuck to this door
but I'd just like, you know.
- Oh, yeah, and you know, I was thinking.
I have friends who've
been looking for an actor
to play the part of Jacob Marley's face
in "A Christmas Carol"?
And they've been looking high and low,
and I was like, I know
somebody who could do that.
He's perfect for the part.
So I can send your
information along to them,
if you would like.
- Oh my god, would you do that?
- Absolutely!
For you, absolutely.
- I can't believe it!
Yeah, that'd be great!
Jacob Marley, I wear the
chains forged of life!
- Through acts of greed, absolutely!
- Sounds like a play.
[all laughing]
- Frank is elated.
You guys enter the Clinton Hall Chantry.
Much smaller and less
metaphysically intense space.
This is just a three-story brownstone
that is the same size on the inside
as it is on the outside,
for the most part.
You guys walk in, you see
the missing glass plane
where the questing blade popped out.
You walk into a large library room.
This is one of those
library rooms that it's
books lining every single wall,
and one of those giant tables.
You know, it's like a study table
that could fit 40 people at it.
In the center, these
[exhaling heavily] lamps
shedding golden light over the table.
You clearly see Alejandro and Esther,
they did not sleep last night.
They have not been asleep since.
They've just been here,
books all over the table everywhere,
coffee cups everywhere.
You see Alejandro's flat-cap is off.
He's got his shirt rolled up.
Esther's the same way, you see she's got
a little thing of coffee in her hands.
They both look up, Esther says,
Great, you're here.
You made it, awesome.
Great, great, great.
We think we may have found something.
Alejandro looks over and says,
And there I beheld him,
an aspect of, no, sorry.
Her.
[tense drumming]
No, no, it.
There, I beheld it, an
aspect of a gray child
that I had searched for
for many long years.
This being Nod, the realm and the being,
monarch of the sixth borough.
The child, the gray orphan, the
spirit of the dreaming realm
beyond the streets of
the city I have known.
- So the dream world is the sixth borough.
[Peter/Ally clearing throat]
- This gray baby...
- Sorry, what is it called?
- This gray baby.
- Oh.
- Sorry, one more time.
- How many languages
do you guys all speak?
- I speak some French.
- Just English and some--
- Can't I just admire it and enjoy it?
- Oh, I feel really bad, and I pull out--
- I speak five different
languages fluently.
I have a bit of an accent.
But this gray baby--
- And it's true.
I hand him a bunch of Juul stuff
that I grabbed when we were at home.
- Oh, wow!
- This one's cucumber picante.
It's amazing, you're
gonna f*ck' love it.
- This is really good.
Honestly, a lot of the
flavors come with cucumber,
but I'm into it, it's--
- Alejandro.
What does that gray baby stuff mean?
- You see that he does
a little mage hand thing
and replaces the cell in the Juul.
Puts it in and goes...
- Alejandro, I hate this.
You know I hate this.
You know I hate this!
You're gonna get popcorn lung.
You're gonna get popcorn lung, and then
what you gonna do about it?
- You see that it goes up,
and he makes a little
smoke Empire State Building
with a King Kong on it, going like this,
that floats away.
- That's sick.
- Amazing.
- It is sick, isn't it?
- That's sick.
- This gray baby is Nod, the gray orphan.
This spirit is...
to the degree that a realm of chaos,
such as the realm of
dream, can have order.
Nod is the spirit of
hope, and dreams.
[tense, serious music]
Nod is sometimes referred
to as the monarch
of the sixth borough.
That you have met Nod is remarkable.
Do you remember what the
gray orphan said to you?"
- Uh, yeah, yeah.
The gray orphan said a
couple of different things.
Once they said, "Everyone who
ever came here had a dream."
And, oh god.
I didn't, I don't know
what else they said.
- What was that Lazarus thing?
- I have something right here.
- Well, Lazarus said--
- Esther speaks up and
points at Ricky and says,
We, by the way, have
been combing for Lazarus.
The gray orphan is never
referred to as Lazarus,
any time we've been able
to find any writings about
anything happening.
- I think they're different, yeah.
- "Heed the words of Lazarus
before it's too late."
- Alejandro sort of twirls
his mustache and says,
We have not found any reference
to a Lazarus in the Dreaming.
- But Lazarus is in the Bible.
Could it be the biblical Lazarus?
Raised from the dead?
- Raised from the dead.
I have a question.
So, the dream world is referred
to as the sixth borough.
Is there a time in history,
Alejandro or Esther,
where the dream world was more tangible
and more accessible to
the other five boroughs?
- You see that Esther nods and says,
The dream world
becomes extremely active and tangible
in the presence of the
arrival of a Vox Phantasma.
- Also you can take the
L and go really far.
- But you have to go
all the way to the end.
- Past Canarsie, it's long.
- Okay, I think
I went to Curves out there one time.
- You can't do that any more.
- And I think you can't
do that on weekends right?
- Yeah, or a night.
- It's that weird,
it's a shuttle bus situation.
- Yeah.
You can get a shuttle
bus, but the shuttle bus
can only be seen by the pure of heart,
so it's hard.
- It's a whole deal.
- But they do have these tiny little buns.
I can't remember the name of them.
Anyway it's worth the trip, but just.
- Dream buns?
- The baby, do we know...
- Alejandro looks over at you and says,
The biblical Lazarus is
not a bad place to guess.
There are beings within the city
that would have some
knowledge of these things.
- What would happen if you
raise someone from the dead?
Would they have a soul,
or would they been in need of a soul?
Perhaps a laundered soul?
- See, Alejandro shrugs and says,
It depends on the manner of their raising.
- If they were raised by infernal,
or perhaps nefarious means?
- It is possible to consider this, yes.
Kingston.
- Mm.
- There are some beings in the city
that are aware of such biblical things.
I do not concern myself
as much with religions.
I deal with the study of the arcane.
But I'm trying to think of
people in the city that would--
- Oh, Willy?
- You see that he looks
at you and says, Willy?
- The golem.
- You see he says,
The golem of Willamsburg
might know something,
yes, this is very true.
I think it would be wise...
Peter, would you be amenable to perhaps
going to sleep on the table here
and allowing myself and Esther to
keep a watch on you with our third eye
while you venture
into the Dreaming?
- Sure.
- That might be for the best.
Something very strange is afoot.
You see Esther looks up and says,
I don't going to Willy's a bad idea.
I think that makes sense.
- Also, Bethesda Fountain
has been compromised.
We sent the angel down to
Washington Square Park, so--
- Oh yeah, we have, uh.
I don't know if this is
for you guys can use.
But we have a bunch of
ashes that we recovered
of human remains.
- Esther takes those, nods.
- One of 'em's cocaine, I made a mistake.
But we don't know that.
- Esther takes them, says,
I'll take a look into this.
For those of you that need to rest,
you should go ahead and rest.
Pete, if you want to stay with Alejandro.
- I think I have to see my
brother, maybe tomorrow.
Did I say I was gonna see him tomorrow?
- You didn't specify a time.
- Well, I'd like to see him,
so I think I'm gonna head
back to Staten Island.
- Cool, you head back to Staten Island.
You're gonna stay in the Chantry.
What's everybody else doing?
- I wanna mention something to,
I just wanna kind of pull
Esther aside for a sec.
And then be like, hey, I
know this is kind of weird.
But do you still see your mom?
[tense music]
Do you talk to your mom?
What's she up to?
- How do you know about my mom?
- Ah, we were friends a long time ago.
Is she okay?
What is--
- Make a deception,
or if you're trying to be deceptive.
- I don't have...
No, I don't need to be deceptive.
We were friends, but we're
not friends any more.
- She looks at you and says,
I haven't seen my mom in a long time.
- When was the last time you saw her?
- [sighs] Probably when
I was, I don't know.
Five, six.
Even before that she was in and out.
- All right.
- I walk up
and pull out my phone.
I'm like, oh Esther.
I was gonna send you this
picture from the wedding.
It was crazy, it was beautiful, but
then we had to fight
some rats or something.
Uh, but do you guys recognize this guy?
This old guy, in the picture?
- I don't recognize him.
But we can take a look.
- He was hanging out with some vampires.
- Huh, all right.
There's a lot of ground to cover.
Ricky, d'you wanna stay here with me?
- Yeah.
I mean, yes.
[group laughing]
- Awesome.
It'd be good to have someone here
in case anything goes down,
because we don't know what's
going to happen with Pete.
Rest of you guys, it's getting late.
You guys did have a full fight against the
rat king, what are you guys up to?
- I'm good to go.
I can go see Willy right now.
- Cool, you're gonna head to Willy.
You're going to Staten Island.
Uh, Misty and Kugrash.
What are you guys up to?
- Yeah, I'm gonna go back to my apartment.
I'm gonna probably call my
show's director on the way
and be like, yes, I know
I'm missing rehearsal!
But look, darling, I
already know the steps.
Do it without me!
Give the understudy a chance to practice!
- And I'll go to the tunnels.
- But I wanna let Kug know,
if you wanna come...
- I appreciate it.
I gotta, yeah.
I'm good.
- All right.
- Rad, you guys all split up,
go back to your various places.
- What was that f*ck'
wisdom saving throw for?
[Brennan laughing]
I'm still, like...
- Yeah, same.
Who rolled poorly on it?
- I got a one.
- On the wisdom?
- Or like a four and then a one, yeah.
- Let's see who's the closest
to where they're headed.
- Well, Ricky, you're just staying here.
So Ricky and Pete are staying
at the Clinton Hill Chantry.
You see that Alejandro says,
All right, we'll get a little
pillow for you here, Peter.
And we have some sleepy-time tea for you.
- That's great, I was gonna ask for tea.
That's so great.
- Hey, sympatico, eh?
There you go.
And you see he says,
now, be lulled into slumber.
- I pull out Instagram.
I'm like, I'm gonna be up
for another hour and a half.
- He says, no, no, no.
Be lulled into...
One eye goes gold.
[forcefully] Slumber.
- I am immune to sleep-related harm,
would this be harm?
- You see that he stares
and nothing happens to you.
And he goes,
Okay, this is very embarrassing for me,
because that always kinda works.
- I'm just liking everything.
- Okay, I'm gonna try a little harder.
Ooh, go to sleep!
And you see Esther says, Let's leave him.
Esther starts walking around
with you in the chantry.
This is, you're spending one-on-one time,
just downtime with Esther.
What's going on in Ricky's head right now?
- Just like, you know.
This is my shot, kind of.
[group laughing]
[romantic piano music]
She's so cool, and just thinking
of trying to sound cool.
So like, yeah, there's
a lot of books in here.
I mean, I like to read too.
We have some time in the
fire station where I can
knock out a book sometimes, so.
- You see she sort of
smiles and says, really?
- Yeah.
If you have any recommendations for a...
I mean, I guess I don't read a ton,
if I'm being completely honest.
I'm open to it.
- Do you want want of these books, Ricky?
Would these be fun for you?
- Sure, what's this one?
[group laughing]
- You pull out a huge book.
- Big.
- Go ahead and give me an arcana check,
if you'd be so kind.
- Uh, what's my arcana?
Well, I rolled a three, so probably.
Yeah, three.
- It is written in a
language you do not speak,
you have no f*ck' idea what this is.
- Amazing, wow.
Each page is, the letters are.
[group laughing]
- Make a persuasion check
for me, if you'd be so kind.
[dice clattering]
- Okay, 18.
- 18?
- You see that Esther kind
of leans against the table
and like bites her
finger, trying to stifle.
She's trying not to be mean.
She goes, would you like
me to walk you through
this book that you've chosen?
- That'd be awesome, honestly.
- Okay, so this is a book of axioms.
You know what an axiom is?
- No.
- So, there's different references to it.
It means a different thing in philosophy,
for example, than it means in arcana.
In arcana, an axiom
refers to basically a law.
A rule of magic.
- Cool.
- You've opened it to a page
that's actually very pertinent
for casting magic in New York.
It's the imperial axiom.
Imperial...?
- Ax--
- Empire?
- Oh, empire rule.
- Yeah, the empire rule.
- Right, oh, yeah.
- You see that she's walking along.
Give me an insight check, by the way.
- Eight.
- Eight, cool.
You end up going around,
a little bit of a sense of
something tingles at you,
a little bit of your divine sense tingles
as you're walking through a room.
She looks at you and says,
she's just babbling on, she goes, like,
So the imperial axiom basically states,
and she looks at the book and says,
Because of the extreme difficulty
of creating a permanent magical effect
within the tumultuous arcane
landscape of New York,
an object or enchantment which
is abjured or ensorcelled
from being crafted--
- Ensorcelled?
- Yes.
- Keep going, sorry.
- No, that's all right.
If you have any questions,
feel free to ask.
Object or enchantment which
his abjured or ensorcelled
from being crafted, conjured or created
in a given location can be
crafted, conjured or created
in its abjured locality
if it is first crafted,
conjured or created
within the five boroughs of New York City.
And that's the imperial axiom.
Also sometimes known as Sinatra's law.
- Oh, um.
So, I didn't understand that.
I'm gonna be honest, but
it sounded awesome, the way you said it.
- If a magical effect
or object is barred or,
I'm trying to think.
There's lots of things that
you can't do in certain places
or for certain reasons they're
abjured, they're barred,
they're warded, yadda-yadda-yadda.
However, because of the imperial axiom,
if you are able to create or conjure
that magical effect or object
within the five boroughs of New York City,
you can then conjure, craft or create it
within the place that
it is normally barred
from being crafted or created.
So it's just an interesting law of magic.
There's tons of these
that you have to learn and know about.
- It's like a loophole.
- It's a little loophole.
But I mean, there's whole
libraries full of loopholes.
You look up and get a really weird sense.
You're looking at a giant map
of the five boroughs of New York City,
except that the highways on the map
are in this sort of pulsing red.
And your divine sense
tingles a little bit.
- So, what's the deal
with this glowing map?
- Glowing map?
Why don't you tell me what you think?
Give me another arcana check?
- Two.
[group laughing]
- What do you think it is?
- Well, so, these are the highways, right?
- Yeah.
- And they're glowing.
So that's, traffic's really bad right now.
[group laughing]
- Give me another persuasion check?
- Two.
Wait, five.
- Five?
Do it with advantage,
I'll give you a little inspiration here.
- Okay, 16.
- You see that she just
busts out laughing.
And she says, I'm sorry,
I'm really not trying to be an as*h*le.
It's not traffic, no.
It's not traffic.
- I didn't feel like it was traffic.
- No, it's not traffic.
That's a good guess.
That is actually a good guess.
The loose term we have
for it is the highway hex.
Basically,
unlike the subways and the bus routes
that run basically with
the grain of ley lines
here in New York,
a lot of the highways
seem to run against it.
And it actually creates the
tumultuous arcane effect
we were talking about
when we were talking
about the imperial axiom.
You know, the BQE, the Major Deegan.
A lot of these highways end up
creating pathways of energies
that dilute ley lines,
which makes teleporting
into and out of New York
very difficult.
It basically makes us a
little bit more isolated.
- So it's like interference?
- That's exactly right.
It's like interference.
- Nice.
Cool, okay.
- You see that she says, Absolutely.
- So why, so this is just a map explaining
that that exists?
- Well, we don't
understand a lot about it.
We don't know.
We're trying to figure it out as well.
A lot of these things.
And you see she gets a
sad look on her face.
She says, a lot of these
things are a work in progress.
- Does it have anything to do with
the amount of people going back and forth?
- That's part of it.
The traffic actually does a
lot of the work of energy,
because obviously, people have
an inherent magic in them,
even a person that can't
see the Unsleeping City
still has a heart and a soul.
Kingston, your friend, gets his magic
from real people every day.
- Wow.
Wow.
- You're stunned.
She says, I've been up
for more than a day,
so I think I'm gonna hit the hay.
Let me show you your place.
- Awesome, yeah.
- She takes you to a
little bunk in the chantry.
She says, there should be
shampoo and towels and stuff
if you need it.
Let me know if you need anything else.
- Okay, uh, thanks.
- And hey.
I appreciate the scholarly effort.
- Thanks, it's really hard for me.
[group laughing]
- She looks and her heart
breaks, and she says,
I always thought you were
a bit of a macho kinda guy.
And you...
[soft piano music]
I'm grateful that you ran into the fire
and saved us all,
but that's the kind of
thing that guys like you do.
No offense.
- Oh, none taken.
- She looks and says, you
trying to learn that stuff
really is brave, and I'm
not downplaying that.
- Thanks, appreciate that.
Then I just take off my shirt.
[group laughing raucously]
- Make an insight check?
- Uh, I got a eight.
- She makes some kinda
expression on her face
and says, have a good night, Rick!
And walks away down the hallway.
Great, we're gonna cut over
to our man Kingston Brown.
Kingston, it's a short walk, actually,
from here to Williamsburg.
So you walk dead of night,
one o' clock in the morning.
What's going on on in Kingston's head
as he walks to Williamsburg?
- I think just a lot of trying
to put the pieces together
of Bethesda Fountain bullshit,
the weird man at that f*cking wedding,
man, what's going on?
What happened to New York that I love?
I mean, I still love New York,
but god damn.
We were doing okay,
and then Pete shows up.
And he's a good kid, but come on.
Everything seems to be going.
Who's this gray baby?
Alejandro's smoking again.
- Gimme an investigate check.
- Great.
[clattering dice]
- You know where you need to head.
You go down by the waterfront, like Kent.
You can look across the
river and see Manhattan.
You're walking up.
You start to walk through
this old neighborhood.
It's southern Wiliamsburg, near the water.
[water lapping against shore]
It's late at night.
There's a lot of families
in this neighborhood,
so hardly any noise of anything happening.
And you begin to hear a
lumbering. [mimics heavy crashing]
You round a corner,
and you look and see
an eight-foot-tall brick hulking golem.
You see that the golem's eyes glow.
[shuddering growl]
And you see that
it's digging through
pavement for something.
Turns around.
[growls]
Eyes glow, looks over at you.
- What you lookin' for, Willy?
- Kingston Brown from uptown!
- Oh, what's going on, man?
- As he puts a hand up and goes down,
brings you in for a big hug.
Says, you look good, Kingston Brown.
- Hey, thank you, man, I appreciate.
You don't look bad yourself.
Redder than normal.
- He says, well, what can I say?
Some rust from being
down in the scrapyards.
There are a couple of trolls that come by
to bother Willy.
Took all of a week to find them all.
- That's tough, man, but how you doing?
You living well, you good?
- I live by the might of Gol.
I am happy to be animated still.
You're looking thin.
You eating still these days?"
- You know, my mom's trying
to get me to eat more,
but just between work and more work,
and then the city and all that sh*t.
Y'know, it's hard to make time.
I made a salad tonight, and I didn't even
get to eat all of it, 'cos
I had to come down here.
- If you want, we should
go by a bakery somewhere.
I can move.
You see that his bricks integrate
with a wall next to him.
I can move through the wall,
grab maybe a bagel, a schmear, some lox.
What do you want?
- I mean, yeah, yeah.
No lox, just bagel with schmear.
- He nods. [heavy crunching]
Starts lumbering down the street.
He says, by the way,
there is a nest of dybbuks nearby here.
They are spectral, so hard for me to
smash them.
You mind to take a look?
- Yeah, of course.
What are you, sorry, you're
gonna have to say that again.
You know, sometimes, the lack of a tongue
and the fact that your
mouth is mostly bricks,
I have trouble-
- Should I have a tongue
made of meat like some human?
- I'm not saying you've
gotta have a tongue.
- Why must you come down
here to give me a hard time?
- I did not come down
here to fight with you
about whether or not you
have a tongue, all right.
- I can tell you for a fact I don't.
I should be so lucky to have a tongue.
- Uh-huh, okay.
- You go down the street, get to a bakery.
You see that he melds with the brick wall,
disappears for a second,
and comes back out,
[crunching] The bricks
open up in his chest
and you see a nice
toasted everything bagel
with a schmear on it.
- Oh, thank you, Willy,
this looks delicious.
- Ah, think nothing of it.
It's important, you have to stay fed.
- Yeah, I'm sorry, what
were you gonna say?
- There are a nest of dybbuks,
ah, possessing spirits
that are nearby.
Would you mind just...?
- Yeah, of course, happy to.
- He takes you around the corner.
You see for sure there's a hive
in an old gutter of a building
of just some very minor undead spirits
that are hanging out there.
- Okay, I Turn Undead, or Destroy Undead?
- Yeah, you raise your hand.
What do you say to this nest
of dybbuks as you see it?
- All right.
Get outta here, you damn dybbuks!
[group laughing]
- So they all fly away.
And don't come back!
Kingston, what a mitzvah.
I appreciate you taking the time.
- Of course, man, happy to help.
You know, I wouldn't
come down here at 1:00am
just to say hello, y'know?
You know I love a good
bagel but it's late,
and I should be sleeping.
But I want to ask you.
What's going on with Lazarus?
- Lazarus?
- Yeah.
- Ugh.
Some Christian schmuck
in the Bible I think.
What should I know for?
- Well, I mean, it's just
we've got something going on.
You know that gray baby?
- Gray baby.
- You know the gray baby?
- The gray baby?
Why should a baby be gray?
Take the baby to the hospital.
- Hey, you're talking
to a nurse, all right?
I know babies should not be gray.
Anyway, you know Nod, right?.
- Nod, yes, I know.
I am a creature, of course,
of the waking worlds, but.
- Yeah, well there's
something going down with Nod.
And there's this gray baby
that just keeps talking
on and on about Lazarus.
And you know, me and Alejandro
and some of the other people were talking,
we were like, who here knows
about this religious stuff?
So I thought to come to you.
- So this something in the Dreaming
told you about this, what.
Lazarus from the Bible?
- Yes, because.
Oh, well, the other thing
I forgot to mention is,
you know Santa Claus, right?
Santa Claus got his list stolen.
And you know that both Satan and St. Peter
have been using that same list.
So--
- Ah, what a mess.
- Okay, Willy, we don't
need to get into all of this
Christian versus Jewish stuff, all right.
- You said it, not me, I was just saying.
- All right, well, do you
know anything about Lazarus?
Or is there anything you've heard?
Any rumblings?
- Lazarus...
Are you sure that it's the
Lazarus from the Bible?
- Well, you got another Lazarus
I should be looking into?
- You see he looks out over the water.
Beautiful snow across the
water of the East River.
And he looks out at the
Statue of Liberty.
Now, there.
- [whispers] Emma Lazarus.
- Now, there is a woman.
There was a woman once, Emma Lazarus.
She wrote the poem inscribed
in that divine, beautiful woman's book.
[groans] Oh, the Statue of Liberty.
- I'm sorry, Willy.
Are you trying to get it on
with the Statue of Liberty?
- What, a golem can't dream?
- I'm not saying that you...
We just never talked about ladies before.
I just didn't know.
- Well, what do you know?
Your wife's a wooden shoe.
- Oh, oh, okay.
You wanna bring that up?
- No, just saying.
- You, oh, you just saying, all right.
- Listen, I don't mean to fight.
You're a mensch.
You come down, you help me with dybbuks.
I'm happy to answer your question.
I'm just saying, you tell me
that is not a fetching statue?
- Okay, if a statue could...
I'm personally not attracted to statues.
But sure, that's a beautiful woman.
- What a bunch of [speaking
foreign language].
I am not a handsome statue?
- We've never talked about being...
I mean, do you think
I'm an attractive man?
- You're a very handsome man.
I have no problem saying.
- Okay, fine.
You're a very handsome stone golem.
- That actually means a lot to me.
- Okay, well, I'm sorry
I didn't say it before.
- Well, you might start
looking for Emma Lazarus.
Kingston, shalom, my brother.
It was good to see you.
- Hey, thank you very much.
Willy, poker sometime?
- Oh, please, we missed you from the game!
Come by any time.
- Be there.
- Give my best to Victoria and Winston.
- Of course.
Have a good night, bub.
- You see he nods, smiles.
Heads off down the street.
And you got a name.
Kingston heads out.
This is going to be our friend Sofia.
You head back to Staten Island.
You're on your way back to,
I guess, your family's house.
- Yeah.
- Make a perception check
for me, if you'd be so kind.
[clattering dice]
- Nat 20.
- f*ck yeah!
- At last!
- Just out of the leopard box!
[group laughing]
- You're heading down the street,
and before you can even realize it,
you bump face-to-face
with Isabella Infierno.
- Oh, my god.
- Oh, my god.
Sofia, running into you on the street.
How you doing?
- So late and you're by yourself.
- Well, I was outta town.
And you see she picks up a bag.
It's a bag from David's Bridal,
and it has a wedding dress in it.
- I vomit.
[group laughing]
- You know you can't get married
until I even see divorce papers?
I haven't even gotten divorce papers yet.
- Oh?
- If this is about Dale.
- We don't need to have a legal wedding.
A lot of what we do is
really off the books.
It's just a party for
our friends and family
to come and celebrate our love.
- I tear open the thing
to see her wedding dress.
- Cool, make an athletics check for me.
[group clamoring]
- Oh my god, I got a 22.
- You snatch the dress out of her hand.
It is the most beautiful gown.
- I vomit again.
[group laughing]
- Isabella picks it up and says,
Sofie.
You're a f*ck' mess.
I wish you the best, and listen.
If you really want an invite,
I'll be happy to send one your way.
- I actually would.
I just came from a wedding
and it was a really beautiful experience.
I'm looking to add more to my weekends.
Assuming you guys can afford
getting married on a weekend.
Or are you doing one of
those Friday weddings.
- We're doing a destination wedding.
- Oh, yeah?
- Yeah.
- Where?
Just so I know.
- Says, we're gonna go out
all the way to Montauk,
have a wedding on the beach.
June.
- Dale hates the beach.
- Yeah, but I love it, and he loves me.
Bye, Sofie.
You see she walks off down the street.
- Just so you know, I
would'a never guessed
that Dale would do to
me what he did to me.
So this feeling of confidence and love
that you have right now?
Enjoy it while it lasts.
- She shrugs, moves on.
- Wow, that's what a nat 20 gets you.
Jesus Christ!
- I'm sweating at the palms.
- Me too!
- What does Sofie do after that?
- Sofie had a really specific plan
before she ran into Isabella Infierno.
Lemme see if she can collect herself.
I think I'm gonna look at my phone.
Well, I wanted to contact two people.
And I had this really specific thing.
I was coming home being
like, you know what?
I'm gonna finally do it.
I'm gonna go, I'm gonna empty the mailbox.
I've been avoiding it 'cos
I don't wanna see his name
written on letters.
Stuff is still coming here for him,
but you know, I'm feeling
empowered by my new friends,
so I'm gonna finally do it.
I don't know if I can now.
- Yeah.
- So I might not do that.
- Give me a wisdom save with disadvantage.
- Okay, with disadvantage.
Okay, I did get a nat 20,
but I also got a two.
- Oh f*ck.
- So, wisdom save is gonna be five.
- Sofie needs a drink.
- Okay.
- Oh, no!
- I'm gonna go to the bar.
I feel like I had this
really specific plan
of what I wanted to do,
and I don't know if I can even do it now
after that exchange, like, role-play wise.
So I guess I'm gonna go to the bar,
and I take out my phone, trying to do
what I was planning on doing,
but then instead, I'm
just gonna text Dale.
- Cool.
You get f*ck' lit.
What do you text Dale?
- I think I just say,
I hope you get sand
between your a*s cheeks
at your f*cking beach wedding, you d*ck.
And then I delete it, I
delete it, I delete it.
- Oh!
- And then I just say,
I wish you the best.
- Aww!
- Then I send that.
I say, I saw Isabella,
I wish you the best.
[Brennan exhaling heavily]
And then I order a shot,
but as they're pouring the shot,
I just take the bottle from them.
- You just, woohoo, grab the bottle, yeah.
You get f*ck' blasted.
- I had all all this
responsible detective work
I wanted to do!
And now it just feels so
false for me to do that.
- I think that's the roleplaying choice.
That's the roleplaying choice.
- Never mind.
- Misty, you arrive back
at your lovely penthouse
and you see a gift there.
- Oh, I love gifts!
- It's this huge, beautiful silk tarp
over something very tall standing.
Must be a piece of art or something.
- I don't even have Detect Magic.
f*ck it, I'll open this present.
- You whip the silk
off, and a six-foot-tall
beautiful standing mirror
is here in your apartment.
- I find the perfect place for it
in my apartment.
- You set it up in your bedroom.
Go ahead and give me a
charisma saving throw.
- Er, 15.
- 15?
You are [mimicking expl*si*n]
knocked back against the wall.
The mirror fills your bedroom with light.
You see standing on the
other side of the mirror
wreathed in light is Titania,
Queen of the Faeries.
- I kneel.
It's been such a long time!
Oh my god, you look great.
- Silence!
[glass shattering]
All the glassware in
your bedroom shatters.
- That's fine, I can get other glassware.
[clearing throat]
I'm silent, I'm quiet.
- [hoarsely] My name.
My name.
You would steal glamor
meant for me.
You would usurp the
glory that was intended
for your Queen.
And just because you hide in a place
of iron and smoke
does not mean you can deny your Queen!
[mimicking expl*si*n] Light goes away.
Your clothes rend, and
your jewelry falls away
for a little bit, and you can feel her
trying to rip the shoes off your feet.
- Can I cover the mirror back up again?
- Yes, make an attack roll
to try and cover the mirror.
- Erm, what is that plus?
- Dex plus proficiency.
- Uh, 15 plus proficiency is...
- You grab the silk,
hurl it over the mirror.
The light fades
and you feel
one of the bones of your hip break.
[sharp cracking]
[Kingston/Lou groaning]
- Damn this stupid body.
I call Kingston.
- Kingston, on your
way back to the subway,
you get a call from Misty.
- I answer it.
- Kingston.
I've, I've had a bad fall.
- You fell?
- I fell.
My hip, I think I've broken my hip.
- You've broken your- okay.
Can you walk?
Of course you can't walk.
I'm on my way, I'll see you soon.
- Thank you.
I'll tell the doorman to let you in.
- Great.
- You rush to Misty's.
You arrive there, set the hip in,
and probably this is
where you're gonna have to crash tonight.
- Okay.
Can I spend the night, Misty?
Is that all right?
- Please!
Use any one of the guest rooms, it's fine.
[group laughing]
- Okay.
- An apartment with multiple guest rooms!
- Kugrash, you head back to the sewers.
What does Kugrash do as he
heads back to the sewers?
Just sleeping?
- Uh, yeah, I think he's feelin'...
What time is it right now?
- It's one o' clock in the morning.
- Okay, I think he's
kinda had a rough day,
and he's gonna kinda try to
just find a place to think
and go to his little hole in the tunnels.
- On your way to the little hole,
near a subway station,
you see a little basket
with a bunch of cheese in it.
And you see there's a
little note on it that says,
Wherever you are, Rat
Jesus, know that I love you.
[group laughing]
From Wally.
- I love Wally.
- Kugrash breaks down crying.
- Aww!
- And then, does Wally live nearby?
- Yeah, Wally lives nearby.
- I wanna go to Wally's house.
[Kingston/Lou laughing]
- You go to Wally's house.
You walk in, you see it's late at night.
Wally's at his kitchen table,
very small little apartment.
And you see that he's
FaceTiming with his brother.
You see he says, he goes,
David, c'mon!
We don't know that he's gone.
He might still be missing.
You see that the guy on the other end
of the phone is a sort of
businessman-looking guy,
just average, wearing a fleece.
He goes, Wally, it's late, look.
Dad's on some f*ck' island somewhere.
He's never comin' back, all right?
He's gone.
He left us.
You see Wally says, I don't
think he would do that.
I know it's been a long time.
I just don't think he would.
He says, look, I gotta go, all right?
Take care of yourself, Wally.
Come check in anytime.
The little FaceTime thing ends.
Wally looks up and you see he says,
Well, least I got the Christmas card.
He puts a little Christmas
card up on his fridge
from David and David's wife and kids.
And it says, merry Christmas
from the Kugriches.
Wally goes, [sighs]
All right, time to go to bed.
Gotta brush my teeth, though.
Brushing his teeth.
Okay.
Pulls under the blanket.
- f*ck.
- I think I'm going to, uh...
I think Kugrash isn't ready
to confront Wally right now,
but I wanna give him a good sign.
So I do that, like, parent Santa thing.
I eat the cheese and I
leave it out on a plate.
And I just write on a note,
Rat Jesus loves you,
and I'm watching you.
- I'm watching you!
- And then I say, in not a creepy way!
- Oh, so heartbreaking!
And then Kugrash goes
and sleeps in the sewers.
Pete.
- Kugrash!
- You enter the Dreaming.
What does Pete do once
he enters the Dreaming?
He'd probably having just some weird dream
that's similar to life,
but he's probably, like.
Making a deal.
- You are making a deal.
You're in a beautiful neighborhood.
You see that there's a cool guy,
little handlebar mustache,
someone's riding a fixie around.
There's cool coffee shops
and stuff like that.
Selling some drugs.
You see that one of the
people turns to look at you
and says, oh, hey man,
you're Pete the Plug, right?
- Hmm?
- You're Pete the Plug right?
Are you gonna hook us up?
- Yeah, yeah.
What do you guys need?
- Um, well we'd love to get out, I think.
- Totally.
- Do you have anything to
help us, like, get out?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Lemme see.
I like, pull out some mushrooms.
I'm like, into this?
You gonna go camping or something, or?
- [whispering] We've always
wanted to go to New York.
[creepy hissing and clicking]
[cracking]
These mandibles extend and start clicking,
and you see that all
the people around here
begin to turn insectoid.
They take your mushrooms,
start passing them out,
and around you, a rip
in the Dreaming opens,
and you see a neighborhood
in New York City.
And these things begin to fly out.
They become surrounded
by the Umbral Arcana,
and you see that they are
headed into real New York City.
Thanks, Pete!
[insectoid slithering and scuttling]
- f*ck, f*ck f*ck!
- And they storm in.
You snap awake
as quick as you can.
On the table, it is morning.
- Okay.
I find Alejandro.
- Alejandro's there.
[gasps] Peter, what did you see?
- Okay, uh, okay.
I was, I was probably in
Williamsburg or something.
And these people wanted to get out.
And I gave them mushrooms.
And then they said thank you,
they all turned into insects
and ripped a hole and left and got out,
and went into an actual place in New York.
- You let them out?
- Yeah, in the dream.
I was selling.
- [yelling] Peter, what you
do in the dream matters!
- I don't know, I was just
doing what I'd normally do
in the day to day.
- What you would normally do is--
- They didn't even give me money.
- God!
You see he, boom!
Opens up a window.
You see that he's doing
a clairvoyance spell
onto a neighborhood.
You hear screams.
[screaming voices]
- My god, my god.
[stammering] You see, I, I
must run and find Esther.
Collect your friends.
These people are in danger!
- f*ck!
- What's Pete do?
- Sends out a mass text?
- You wake up hungover.
You wake up in the Chantry upstairs.
You wake up in Misty's apartment.
You wake up in the sewers.
There's trouble,
you see it's right next to
the Steinway subway stop,
and you guys all know where to go.
- Start running there.
- You guys rush to the
subway stop in very--
- Wait, I can't rush.
I've just broken my hip.
- Your hip has, Kingston does some--
- I use magic to heal you.
[group clamoring, voices drowning out]
- You guys rush, all get on the subway.
Kingston, you give a little bit of help
getting that subway there extra quick.
And [mimicks expl*si*n] you guys rush up
out of the subway steps
and hear the chittering
of strange insects.
I'm gonna need everybody
here to roll initiative.
- Roll in here?
[clattering dice]
- That's all for this week
on The Unsleeping City!
Tune in next week
and see what's bugging
our intrepid heroes!
[hissing and chittering]
- I hate bugs!
[tense music]
You guys rush up out of the subway.
The buildings are covered
in horrifying, gross webs.
A wasp centaur [growling savagely].
Giant f*cking beetle monster.
I'mma need them all [growls] dead!
- I summon you, my babies.
Defend your true king, you pieces of sh*t!
- You hear muffled screams.
- What the f*ck is in there?
- [Pete/Ally] I hate this.
- Those guys are f*ck'
going up in flames.
[frenzied screaming]
- Just try and f*cking
touch me with 25, b*tch!
[mimicking g*nshots]
- When this bug tramples you!
- f*ck!
[all cheering]
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03x05 - A New York Wedding
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A tabletop role-playing game show produced by and broadcast on Dropout and created and generally hosted by Brennan Lee Mulligan as the show's regular Dungeon Master.
A tabletop role-playing game show produced by and broadcast on Dropout and created and generally hosted by Brennan Lee Mulligan as the show's regular Dungeon Master.