- I wasn't always a rat.
- What?
- My real name is Bruce.
- Nod is the spirit of hope and dreams.
Sometimes referred to as the
Monarch of the Sixth Borough.
- What's going on with Lazarus?
- Emma Lazarus, she wrote the poems
scribed in that woman's book.
You are, phew, knocked
back against the wall.
The mirror fills
your bedroom with light.
Standing on the other side of the mirror
is Titania, Queen of the Faeries.
- I kneel.
All the people around here
begin to turn insectoid.
You let them out?
- Yeah, in the dream!
- Peter, what you do in the dream matters!
You guys rush up out of the subway steps
and hear the chittering
of strange insects.
- I hate bugs.
- All right, you guys ready?
- Yes.
- Mhm.
- Yeah!
- Yeah!
- Yeah!
- Hell yeah.
Welcome back, one and all,
to The Unsleeping City.
I am your dungeon master,
Brennan Lee Mulligan.
These are our intrepid heroes.
Say hi, intrepid heroes.
- Hi, intrepid heroes.
- Last we left off,
our brave adventurers had been
scattered around the city.
Some in a lovely penthouse,
some at the Clinton Hill
Chantry, some in the sewers,
some all the way in
Staten Island in a bar.
- Because of you, you did it to me!
- That was... harsh
- I had plans.
- As you guys rush through
the Steinway Street subway entrance,
you guys are, by the way,
all the way out in Astoria, Queens.
You're rushing up through the subway.
You guys can feel, specifically Kugrash,
Misty, and Kingston, you guys can feel
the Umbral Arcana is rent here.
There is nothing keeping people
from seeing the horrors of the dream world
entering this place, and you see that
all of the tears in the Umbral Arcana here
are connected as though by strings
to their puppet master, Pete.
Pete, your body is just
pulsating with magic
that appears to be
keeping this place open,
that appears to be
keeping this place open,
keeping this like-
- f*ck.
- This place open.
As you guys leap up the steps,
you guys see that you sort
of all congregate here
and meet at the same.
Perhaps some of Kingston's city magic
as the train rushes, you
get all off the thing.
All of you look well-rested
except for Sofia.
- I've got a CamelBak that I've like,
shoved a box wine into.
- Oh my god.
- So horrifying.
- So I kinda almost
look like a Ghostbuster.
But with box wine.
- Hell yeah.
You guys rush up out of the subway.
You hear muffled screams and chittering.
You feel the presence of insects,
the buildings are covered
in horrifying, gross webs.
You look around you and you see
a horrifying wasp centaur woman
rise up into the air.
- It doesn't look like Epona, does it?
- No, it does not look like Epona.
You see that this woman
rises up into the air.
You see that she looks
at you guys and goes-
Oh my God, what are you guys doing here?
Hi, Pete!
- Hey, what's your name again?
- Becky.
- Becky, what's up?
- Hey, um, welcome to the neighborhood.
Me and my friends are moving in.
Thank you so much for, like,
helping us out and like,
giving us the heads-up.
This place is awesome.
You hear, boom, boom, down the street,
as you can hear, like-
Cocoons being unraveled as these
insects spread.
- I've heard of G*ntrification,
but this is crazy.
- Oh, god f*cking damn it.
- Pete, what are you doin'?
- I'm sorry, man, I, uh-
- Wanna come clean to us?
- I invited them here in a dream.
I thought I was just selling
'em drugs, f*ck, f*ck, f*ck.
- You see that she says,
You don't want us to leave, do you?
- You're kinda trashing the neighborhood.
- Um, what are you talking about?
These hives are gorgeous.
If anything, the property
values around here are going up.
- No.
- But you're forcing the community out.
- We're not forcing them
out, we're forcing them in.
To cocoons, to eat.
- Okay, yeah.
- Great, there it is, there it is.
What are you gonna order, a flat white?
- The only flat white
around here is gonna be you.
- Stop.
- When this bug tramples you!
- You see, she goes, whoom.
It appears that Becky is
some kind of sorceress force
that is anchoring these bug monsters
to this realm using Pete's magic.
You sort of hear this, see,
there's a giant f*cking
beetle monster down the way.
With a hard hat on, who goes like,
Oh, yeah, we can knock
these buildings down
real easy and make giant mounds.
Really beautiful luxury mounds to live in.
You see-
- God damn it.
- Becky is going to act first.
- Of course she is.
- Let's see what this does here.
- Oh no,
that's a big old circle.
- We should have
stayed spread out and not-
- I'd spread out more.
- We could've only each
moved one step, though.
There's no way we could have...
- It would automatically have
started like that, right?
- Inevitable, inevitable.
- So you see that Becky
gets on her phone and says,
Bugs, there's some really
f*cking weird people here.
I'm not sure what they're doing.
I'm gonna need them all dead.
And these horrible mandible claws
click in her mouth and she belches
a colossal cloud
of the most stinking,
acrid, insectoid smoke.
Just covers the area.
You guys are all obscured in it,
and Becky disappears from sight.
Anyone here can make a
Perception check that wants to.
- I mean, you know I will.
- 20...
- 18, no bonus.
- 27.
- 27?
- 27.
- Hell yeah.
- Becky, you can hear her flying
directly overhead,
into this weird burrowed hole.
- She's behind us in
some weird burrowed hole!
That is going to be Kingston's turn.
On the beginning of your turn,
I'm gonna need a
Constitution saving throw.
- Okay, great.
- f*ck.
- Uh, 14?
- 14 saves.
- Whoo.
- You, man, see what's
happening, holds your breath.
You are still within the
cloud of noxious smoke.
- Can I step out of it, or can I move?
Is it possible to move out of it?
- You made your save so
you don't breath any smoke.
You're unaffected, you
can try to get out of it.
- Great, I'm gonna take six, right?
- And I can
show you the area of it.
It's like, right here.
- Three, four, five,
six, so I'm out there.
- Cool.
- Great, and then I will cast Bless
on Pete, Ricky, and Sofie Bikes.
on Pete, Ricky, and Sofie Bikes.
- You can target more than three people
if you use higher spell slots.
- Yeah, but I only care
about three of them.
Are you better at Constitution?
What's your con mod?
- Uh, one.
- So, you hit Sofie, Ricky, and-
- I would like to cast Bless
as a second-level spell.
- Whoo!
- And I will add Kugrash to the Bless.
- Yeah.
- Can you just add
one person when you're
adding a new spell slot?
- I could cast it as a third-level spell
and add a fifth person, but that's too-
- I'm good.
- She's good.
- Cool.
- Misty's been around.
- I've been around.
- This woman can
take care of herself.
- Wonderful, all right.
That's your movement, that's your action.
That is Kingston's turn.
It is now Pete's turn.
Pete, I'm gonna need you to make
a Constitution saving throw
at the beginning of your turn.
- What do I add to that?
- With Bless.
- Uh, your Constitution save is here.
I believe it's-
- Oh, fun, a five.
- Five, not bad, and you add Bless to it.
- Whoo.
- Sweet.
- Yeah, there we go.
All right, 19 plus five, 24.
- You don't hold your breath,
but this doesn't have any
effect on you at the moment.
It's part of your dream magic.
You invited these bugs in.
- Cool, can I make a Perception check
to find out like, can I move?
How am I attached to this?
Can I try to figure out the workings?
- Uh, give me an Arcana check.
- Okay, yeah, Arcana, I have one.
Damn it, three.
- Three.
- f*ck.
You, as Alejandro said earlier,
study, get your powers under your control,
find a way to do them, and you don't know
what it is you can do.
- Okay, can I try to hop up on here?
- That's so high.
- Yeah, no way.
- That would be a pretty
wild Athletics check.
You're welcome to make it if you like.
It will likely fail, and if it fails,
you will stay in the cloud
and have to make the save again.
Also, as long as you're in the cloud,
you can't really see.
- Right, right, right, okay, cool.
- I was planning on
getting up there anyways,
- Oh, yeah, 'cause you have-
- And I have better Athletics,
and Acrobatics.
- Okay, um...
Let's see, so, is
Kingston yelling anything?
Like, should I follow you out that way?
- I mean, I need to know
if there are people inside
who are in trouble, so
that's my motivation
for moving that way.
You know, I don't know
if you wanna k*ll bugs,
if you wanna chase this woman with me,
but you know Pete.
- I'm following Kingston, yeah.
I'll go, can I do like a Dash action
and try to catch up with him?
- So you have a movement
and you take six squares of movement
and get out of the stinking cloud.
You can take another movement
if you want with your action
because you have not used your action yet.
- Okay.
- Now you see this roiling cloud
of noxious insect whatever.
- Six gets you out of the thing, right?
- Yeah, I'll do six to get out of it
and then I'll do-
- Don't you have Dispel Magic?
- I don't.
- As your, um-
- Oh yeah, I do, Dispel Magic?
- Yeah.
- I'll do that.
- Oh, on the stinking cloud?
Hell yeah, hold on one second.
- Ooh.
- Sweet.
- That's a great idea.
- And do you wanna still move?
- Uh...
Yeah, yeah, I'll be next to Kingston,
but still, I cast Dispel
Magic on the cloud.
- Man, look at how cool you are.
- God, look at us coat boys.
- Level three or lower and
four and higher on a roll.
- Uh, hell yeah, Pete,
you raise up your hand.
Where do you go to in your head
as you're like, asking- trying
to get rid of this magic?
- I think I'm still thinking
about that f*cking guy
who talked about like,
the bubbles and my dad.
I'm trying to figure out who Robert is,
so I'm just kind of like, f*ck Robert.
- You see that the wind picks up
and this smoke is sucked away.
Nobody else needs to make saving throws.
- Ooh!
- It's gone, phew.
Yes, the magic is gone.
I need you to make a
Wild Magic check for me,
if you could be so kind.
- Yeah, right.
- One, two, or three does it.
- 18.
- 18, cool.
Now it's one, two, three, four.
- Oh, it keeps going past a long rest?
- Oh, it keeps going past a
long rest, yes, absolutely.
It builds up.
- Great.
- That's now going to be Ricky's turn.
- Is there a door over here?
- Yeah, there's one right here.
- There is like a hole right here.
- There's a hole over there.
The hole is open.
Ricky, you can see from the
door, the door is there.
It is webbed and gunked up,
so you could bust through it.
There's like an open
entrance near Kingston
and then there's a gunked up one
that's all like, webbed over at the front.
- And Ricky is no
stranger to...
- There's also two bugs
right here, just so you know.
- Two bugs right up there?
- Yeah, two
very gross-looking bugs.
- And then the big old beetle.
- And then the big
old beetle is right over here.
- I think we should try to
stay together, feels right.
I'm gonna use my Channel
Divinity to use Sacred Weapon.
I'm gonna use my Channel
Divinity to use Sacred Weapon.
- Cool, as your action, great.
- And then I'm gonna run to follow,
I'm gonna see if I can
climb up on the roof, too.
- Yeah, do it.
- Cool, it's not built for climbing.
Go ahead and give me a
DC 15 Athletics check.
- Okay, cool.
Uh, 24.
- Hell yeah.
It's half movement getting up there,
so I'm gonna say that you just
get up here onto the corner
- Okay, cool.
And that's my turn, I guess, yeah.
- Hell yeah, Sacred Weapon,
you hop up on the roof.
That's now going to be,
buh-buh-bum, uh, beetle.
That's now going to be,
buh-buh-bum, uh, beetle.
- Mm, damn it.
- Don't like that name.
- So let's see here.
Five, 10, 15, 20, 25, 30, 35, 40.
Five, 10, 15, 20, 25, 30, 35, 40.
- Oh, sh*t.
- You see that the beetle
looks at you and says,
Uh, hey bud, this is a construction zone.
I'm gonna have to k*ll ya.
And proceeds to-
- Hoo, f*ck!
- He's not a regular beetle.
Regular beetles are pretty friendly.
Abnormal.
- I don't think that's how that job works.
- If he reaches you, oh boy.
Five, 10, 15, 20.
- Really?
- 25, 30, 35, 40.
He makes it here, 'cause he's-
This enormous beetle's
just f*cking rushing you.
- Gross.
- That's the beetle's turn.
That's now going to be Kugrash.
- Oh, sh*t.
- f*ck.
- Ricky's in trouble up there.
- Yeah, yeah, f*ck.
- I'm guessing I don't have
any kind of line of sight up here.
Okay, here's what I'll do.
I am going to use a bonus action
to Misty Step up to here.
Can I do that, 30 feet?
- Cool, yeah, for sure.
- Sweet, okay, I Misty Step
up here, bam.
Like a really gross Nightcrawler.
- A little blast of stinky
sewer steam pops up.
- Oh hey, Ricky, we're so f*cked.
And then that's a bonus action,
and then as an action, I'm
gonna use my crown's ability
and then as an action, I'm
gonna use my crown's ability
and conjure up four rat swarms.
I summon you, my babies.
Defend your true king and defend the city!
You pieces of sh*t, I love you.
- Rats versus bugs!
- Hell yeah.
- Ugh, New York, honestly.
- The greatest city in the world!
- Greatest city
in the world.
- Where are you
summoning these bad boys?
- Right around my dude here
and I want 'em to attack 'em.
- To arms!
To arms, my brothers!
The Rat King calls and
his people shall answer!
Let the banners unfurl!
Let the clarion trumpets call!
A w*r, a glorious w*r!
Let the w*r of bugs and
rats be determined today!
- Yeah, we're just killin'
some f*ck' bugs, buddy, it's fine.
- Let them sing of
this day for eons to come!
- Yeah, I think
they're gonna forget about us.
All of us, even the Rat King.
- Hell yeah, would that spell-
- I know with Conjure Animals-
- Do they
attack on the turn or no?
- Summoned creatures are friendly
to you and your companions.
Roll initiative for the
summoned creatures as a group,
which has its own turn, they obey, okay.
So I need to roll initiative for them.
- Yeah, go ahead and roll initiative.
Let me know what you get.
God damn it, five.
Okay, so they probably go after me,
which is kinda good, actually.
- Cool.
- Wait, did I get skipped?
Because like, my initiative is 12.
- Mine is 7.
- Oh, and we're at Kugrash already?
Misty, yes, I'm sorry, that's
gonna be your turn now.
- Okay, great.
So, I am going to
move over to my pals over here.
And then I'm gonna, do I have
line of sight for this...?
- Beetle up there?
- Big boy up here.
- No, you do not.
- In which case, I...
Don't have anything
useful to do right now.
- You could buff yourself somehow.
- Yeah, I'm just gonna
turn to Pete and say,
Darling, this hat, it's
really working for you.
A lot of people couldn't
wear a hat like this.
It looks great.
- Oh my God.
- And I give you Bardic
Inspiration, which is a d8.
- Yo, thank you.
- Wonderful.
Kugrash and Misty have gone.
Now, it's gonna be our
little roach friends.
These guys close in.
- What were you, Kugrash?
- Seven, but it just
went out of order a little bit.
- Mm, right, because-
- I'm seven also though.
- I think we just gotta
chase this sorceress down.
- Yeah.
- I think we
gotta get away from this,
'cause she was like-
- You guys are pretty
close, I think, to her hole.
- Yeah, she has a hole right here.
Butthole 2: Electric Boogaloo.
- I wonder if I could just like,
break through the roof.
- Can I use a Ki Point not on my turn?
- I don't think so unless it says
you can use it as a reaction.
These two are coming for ya, buh-buh-bum.
Both roaches miss, they come and-
These are the least human of them.
They seem sorta like half-finished
and more like dream energy
than the other bugs do,
and they both go to attack you.
And that's the roaches' turn.
- That's going to be,
buh-buh-buh, Sofia, that's you.
- Okay, I am going to...
Let me just decide if this
is definitely what I wanna do.
Oh wait, what is it?
I just have to confirm
that I can do one thing.
So, can I confirm with you?
So, I have my Drunken Technique,
which means if I use a Flurry of Blows,
I get the benefit of a Disengage,
which means I get my full action,
but it says I think I also get an extra-
- Your full move, yeah.
- Do I get a full movement
and it increases by 10 feet?
- Correct.
- Okay, so I almost get
like a whole extra movement.
- Yeah.
- All right, I'm gonna...
These guys are too tiny, though.
I don't need to Flurry of Blows them.
Okay, there's not any
kind of, it's kinda like,
if I Flurry of Blows one guy
and like absolutely wreck him,
that's just life, right?
- Yeah, you're within
range of two of them.
- So I could like kinda
distribute it between?
- You could distribute it, yeah.
- Okay, I'll do that then.
All right, so.
Does a 21 and a 26 hit?
- Yes.
- Okay, um, sorry, I need things, D8.
So that is 12.
- Okay.
- 6.
- The first one,
you absolutely just, bam!
Crush this bug under your foot.
You see that Sofia is
fighting not like normal.
You're like full tipsy swaying.
- I got my CamelBak
hanging out of my mouth.
- Just a drip of Franzia, yeah.
- Ugh.
- Great, and you injure the other.
- Okay, well, I still haven't
done my Flurry of Blows.
Those were my two attacks.
Now I'm trying to do.
- Now you do two.
- Does a 23 hit and does a 17 hit?
- They both hit.
- So I'm gonna hit him for another 16.
- Boom, boom.
Yeah, just a flurry of like,
you're like balling up your fists
but your arms are more like ropes,
so you're just like, bah-bah-bah-bah.
- And then I wanna use my disengage
from my Step of the Wind
and I just wanna book
it for this ooze hole.
- Nice.
- Hell yeah.
So you can move 50 on that disengage.
- Two, three, four.
- That's great.
- Five, okay, so I get
right up to the mouth of it.
- Hell yeah.
- So I'm knocking in, I'm
saying, hello, I'm out here.
- You see the interior
of a very dark bodega inside there.
- Okay, is there a cat?
- Make a Perception check for me.
- Cute!
- Okay, uh, 16.
- You feel a sensation of a
cat somewhere in the bodega.
- I need to save the cat.
- Hey, I hear that's a great
structure for a screenplay.
- Good God.
- That's gonna be the
swarms, these rat swarms.
- Oh, yeah.
Do I roll for 'em or do you?
- You can go ahead and roll for 'em.
- Okay, what are there, four of them?
I'll just roll.
They only get plus two to attack.
Come on, you little pieces of sh*t.
Oh, God, I rolled an eight,
an eight, and a four.
I suck so bad, and a five, what?
- Do you want me to roll for the rats?
- Yes, I do!
- The rats are...
The rats are uneffective against the giant
real estate beetle.
- They're so righteous but so bad.
- I can't believe that.
- Oh my God.
- I'm the worst f*ck' roller.
- That's to four dice.
- I might have Siobhan
be my designated roller
and just be like, just roll
initiative for me, please.
- I'm going to need
Sofia at the door there,
to make a...
- Dexterity saving throw?
- Constitution saving throw.
- Okay.
- You're blessed.
- Oh, I'm blessed, I
forgot to even add that!
- Oh wait, no, my rats
aren't blessed, it's okay.
- Oh, your rats aren't blessed.
- This is gonna f*ck' come
into serious play.
- I ain't got time to
bless all them damn rats.
- Ooh, oh my God, just
try and f*ck' touch me.
Just try and f*cking
touch me with a 25, b*tch!
- Um, hell yeah.
- But do I still take half damage?
- You do still take half damage.
- God damn it.
You take...
You take 22 points of damage.
- That's half damage?
- Halved?
- That's half damage.
- Wait, what hit you?
- f*ck.
- What the f*ck is in there?
- What the f*ck is in there?
- I can't fight whatever that thing is.
- If anyone wants to come help me.
- You see, appearing in the bodega-
Eyes glowing.
- Was it the f*cking cat?
- No, it's Becky, the wasp, who goes-
Hey, um, I don't know,
but we try to keep things
a little bit quiet in this neighborhood,
and you're like, actively
drunk out on the street,
so maybe you should get out.
And you see that your skin
tightens, hardens,
and dries, and she just-
- Ooh, I look good though, right, Botox?
- No, she sucks the water out of your body
and you take 22 points of damage.
- Honestly, thank you, I'm
about to have my period,
so I'm carrying some water weight.
Thank you, that's good for me.
- You see that she, bzz,
flies deeper into the hive of buildings.
- f*ck' f*ck, ugh, gross.
- That's gonna be Kingston.
- Okay, I'm gonna run
right up to Sofie Bikes
and be like, damn, you look good.
- Oh my God, thank you.
- But not for good reasons,
and then Cure Wounds.
- Does all my water weight come back?
- And I'm like, honestly, healthy, ay.
- This is a d8, right?
This is what a d8 looks like, great.
Oh, two plus spellcasting ability.
- Five.
- Five, so nine, is that it?
- Seven.
- Uh, seven, there you go.
- Thank you.
- It's not enough, but it's a start.
- Yeah, but it takes me from
half my hit points to...
- Yeah, f*ck.
- Yeah, and I guess, is there
any way I can peer into,
can I like, get a look at
what this area looks like?
- Yeah, it looks like a webbed-up bodega.
You hear some chittering
from inside it, but
you could move into it.
- Let's get in there.
- Uh, I'll take a step in,
I'll take a step in, yeah.
- Ooh, doctor.
- Where's the cat?
- Oh, what are those?
Oh, those are people from my dream, f*ck.
- What's this blob?
- Do I have to walk in?
- Oh, it's a cocoon, I bet.
I bet this is a cocoon.
- I hate this.
- Oh, that dude's f*cked.
- Oh, this poor deli owner.
- Is that a real person?
- Yeah, yeah.
- He came to this country
to have a better life.
- Is this a person in a cocoon?
- It's something in a cocoon.
- Okay, and so I'm gonna go next.
- Oh no.
- Here we go.
- I gotta get that sorceress.
- Cool, Kingston, go ahead
and make your movement into the place.
I actually can't see from here.
Are there any bugs in this little row?
- No, no.
- Cool, Kingston, go ahead
and take your movement.
- Okay, great, I'll come in-
- You're gonna lose five feet of movement
going through the hole, just so you know.
- Okay, so if I start,
I don't know, one...
- Two, three.
- Two, three, four, five, six.
- You're not gonna be able
to get around the other side.
That's a wall back here,
so if you wanna go-
- That's fine, I'm just trying to put
as much distance between me
and everything else as I possibly can.
- Okay, so you're not trying
to go around the corner.
You're like, moving back
into the bodega for a second.
- Just back, yeah, exactly.
- Gotcha, cool, cool, cool.
Awesome, you move in, you
cast your Cure Wounds.
That's Kingston's turn.
Pete, that's you.
- Okay, great.
Okay, I go in.
- Go ahead and take your
six squares of movement.
If someone else wants to get Pete
that's closer to that hole.
- Let's see.
One, two, three, four, five, six.
So, you're basically just in the hole.
- Just inside.
- All right, great.
Can I, uh...
Okay, I'm gonna cast, I'm
gonna use a Sorcery Point
to do a Careful Spell.
- Awesome, yep.
- And I'm gonna exclude
the five people from our campaign.
Do they have to be in eyesight
to exclude them in Careful?
- Um, no, I think you
can actually pick them.
If you know their name,
that's a way to do it, yeah.
- Great, I'm gonna do that
and then I'm gonna cast
Fireball on this bodega.
- Ooh!
- f*ck, man.
- Ooh, yeah, man.
- Setting it on fire.
- f*cking epic.
- Wait, hey, what about
the people in cocoons?
Can you Careful Spell them?
- I can only Careful
Spell up to five people.
- Well, here's the thing.
Fireball, I don't believe
can go through solid objects.
So walls and ceilings,
it can't go through,
so you don't need to actually worry about
Misty or Ricky or Kugrash
or other people like that
if you don't want to.
- Yeah, we're up on the roof
and these guys are outside.
- So, exclude us.
- So, take this, put it
where you want to put it,
and then if anyone's inside
it, go ahead, isn't that rad?
- It's so fun, it's huge.
- It's enormous.
You're a monster, you're a nightmare.
Go ahead and yeah, put it
where you want to put it,
and then anyone who's within it,
you can make your call
to exclude them or not.
- It's just the deli owner, right?
If you try to hit these guys.
- Yep, that's it, all right, cool.
So then I'll exclude Kugrash.
- You could just do that, right?
- Yeah, we're up here.
- You could almost
not have to use it, right?
- Yeah, I think-
- What do you mean?
- There's just the deli owner.
- You might not
need to use Careful.
- You don't have to do it
to save the deli owner.
- I'll do it to save
the deli owner and us,
'cause then we can run
through it and not have to,
we can try to get to that other pod.
- Right.
- Cool.
- Oh, if there's a fire.
- Oh, and if you want
to pick other people,
they won't have to worry about
running through the flames
in other words, gotcha.
- Yeah, yeah, so I put
everyone in the campaign
but Kugrash, and I use that
exclude for the deli owner.
- And Ricky probably, right?
Because he's on the roof.
- Cool, you
burn your Sorcery Point.
- But I include Ricky
so he can run in later.
- Cool, go ahead and roll 5d6 damage.
- Yeah.
- f*ck yeah.
- You need more?
- Please, oh, it's 8d6.
- Fireball?
- Is what mine says.
- Fireball's 8d6?
- Let me find it.
- Hold on one second.
- We about to get-
- 8d6 fire damage on a failed Dex save.
- Jesus!
- And it's half on a pass.
- 5e, you crazy.
- Thank you.
- Cool, 8d6.
- I just need one more.
Oh, can I use two of yours?
- Uh, I got three for ya.
- Oh, thank you.
- And there's what, two roaches in there?
- Yeah, two pincer guys.
- Two little pincer guys, oh no-
- And then one tiny roach.
- Oh, the two bugsters over there, gotcha.
- Bugsters?
- Like hipster bugs?
- Hipster bugs, yeah.
- All right, cool.
if they passed their Constitution yet?
- We don't know
yet, just go ahead and roll.
Tell me how-
- b*tch!
Uh, all right.
- Oh my God, so much math.
- 10, that's, uh, 19, 25 damage.
- 25 damage.
- Ooh!
- Each?
- Each.
- To each of them.
Hold on one second, I'm
gonna roll their save.
- Oh, wow.
- Oh, wow, yeah.
- Ew.
- Thanks, friends.
- You're very welcome.
- Those guys are f*ck'
going up in flames.
- 25, Jesus.
- f*ck' eat sulfur, b*tches.
- Eat my grits.
- So you see that they're
talking to each other.
- So we can go through the fire, right?
- So you see that they're
near the cocooned deli guy, who's like-
And you see that one of the bugsters
who has like, a handlebar
mustache, some big antennas,
holding a big coffee cup, and he's like,
Really, what I think
would be cool would be to
put a cafe in here, but
more like a WeWork space.
Oh, hey, Pete, how's it goin', bud?
You see that the deli
owner screams, he goes, ah!
And you burn the webs on him,
but he's totally unharmed, so he's like-
- That's so cool to have
been in fire but not be hurt.
- Yeah.
- You gave him a great story.
- The Unburnt.
- f*ck yeah.
- You see he looks around
at his now burning bodega and he goes,
ah, okay, maybe the insurance
will cover some of this damage.
The two bugsters turn to you and go-
Smoking but not dead, and say-
- 25?
- Ugh, wow, okay.
I feel a lot of aggression
and I guess we're gonna
have to deal with this.
That is Pete.
- There's this little swarm
of bugs on the ground,
and then there's a roach.
- Oh, the swarm is f*cking gone.
You guys wanna hand-
- And the roach is gone too?
- The roach is also fully gone.
- f*ck yeah.
- So the little roach, fully gone.
The little swarm, fully gone.
- Ew.
- Cool, f*ck.
- It was a cool spell.
- That was...
- That was great.
- Rad.
I actually am going to,
just 'cause of where this
is at, and here we go.
We got one, this person's
gonna rush through here.
And where's the other one?
- Yeah, you got it.
- This bugster jumps up
onto the rack above.
- Gross.
- Above Pete up here,
and they're gonna take some swings, baby.
Um, buh-buh-bum.
Uh, okay.
Ooh, Pete, you lucky boy.
Pete,
you take 14 points of damage.
These bugsters start going-
You know, with these huge like,
sort of praying mantis mandibles overhead,
and then you see they go like,
I don't get what your deal is, man.
We're just trying to create
a fun community space here in the bodega.
- f*ck.
- That's their turn.
That's now going to be Misty.
- Well, I'm gonna get in there.
Get in the mix, why not?
- Hell yeah.
And I'm gonna need your Wild
Magic roll as well, yep.
- Oh no, it's
one, two, three, four?
- That's a four.
- Wild Magic Surge, hurray!
- Oh, f*ck.
- Hold on.
- I'm much too close to Pete.
- Oh, f*ck.
- You see that you start floating.
You are just floating up.
You have become perfectly weightless.
- That's fine, that's fine.
No one died.
- No one died.
Yeah, you begin to float above the ground,
up near the top of the bodega.
So you're just like,
hovering above the hole now.
You are totally weightless, like swimming.
Like, the dream realm has fully merged
with this section of New York.
- Cool, does Wild Magic Surge
restart now that I've hit it?
- Now it resets back to one.
- Okay, thank God.
- Um, dope.
- Sorry, guys.
- Yes, now
that's going to be Misty.
- Okay, I'm gonna get in here
and then I'm gonna cast, oops, sorry.
So these guys don't look
particularly f*cked up.
- Actually, the two bugsters
look pretty f*cked up.
They are badly burnt.
- All right, well, regardless of that,
I'm gonna cast Crown of
Madness on this little-
I'll cast Crown of Madness
on this dude up here.
- Rad, awesome, let me
know what save that is.
- It is a Wisdom saving throw.
- Okay, rad.
You cast it.
You see that the bugster goes-
And chitters madly and resists the spell.
- Dang.
- He goes, he says, um, okay.
Listen, I don't know why
you have to come into
a fun community space and
try to harsh everyone's buzz.
- Ooh.
- So, Misty moves, that's your action.
Now, that's gonna be Ricky.
- Okay, I am...
I wanna look at that
like, vent on the ceiling
and see if I can break it
open and jump down into it.
- Rad.
- That one right there next to-
- Um, yes, you can either
try to make an attack
to like, hack through it, or
you can make an Athletics check
to try to bust through it.
- I guess I'll attack it,
just because I have two attacks, right?
Does that make sense?
- Hell yeah.
- Cool.
- All right, so I'll just-
- Oh yeah, you have that axe or whatever.
- Yeah.
- Yeah, cool.
- Oof, a two and a one.
- You're blessed!
- You're blessed.
- You're blessed.
- And then I add what?
- So add the d4.
- D4, Bless.
- D4.
- So four to the two.
I mean, okay, so it's an eight.
- The AC you're trying to hit
is 16 for this metal panel.
- Plus four plus two now.
- I don't think I-
- You wanna use a Luck Point?
- Oh yeah, can I use a Luck?
- Yeah, you can use a Luck to reroll this.
But wait, do you have Sacred Weapon active
right now as well?
- Yes.
- Cool.
- So that would be plus one,
so that would still be 15.
- 15, cool, so you can use a
Lucky point now if you want.
- All right.
- Okay, that one hit.
- Oh, okay, hah.
- This thing has 12 hit points.
You gotta do 12 damage
on this attack roll.
- 1d8 plus 7.
- Do it.
- Let's go, Ricky, come on.
- Yeah, come on, Ricky.
- Which one's my d8?
- Come on, Mr. March.
- Yeah, I hit it for 14.
- Yeah.
- For 14, hell yeah.
So yeah, Ricky runs over, what does he do?
- I would love to break it
open, just like a slash.
Like, I've seen one of
these, and slash it open,
grab Kugrash, and jump down.
- Aw, cute.
- Oh, nice.
- So cute!
- Hell yeah.
So, it's like this-
- Oh, isn't this sweet?
- I hope that Kugrash kinda squirms
and doesn't want to come.
- So, our boy-
- I smell smoke and then-
- Our boy, yeah, you smell smoke, fire!
Our boy, the firefighter
paladin of New York,
gleams with civic light
and raises the axe aloft.
Hack the vent open, grab
Kugrash, as this beetle is like-
And just as it's about to
like, weigh down on you, you-
- Oh, wait!
- Yes?
- I can communicate a mind link
with someone if they're willing.
Do you think he would be willing?
- Probably, yeah.
- Before he jumps down, can I remind him
that I didn't save Kugrash
from the fire that's below you?
I only saved you.
I had to sub out Kugrash.
- I mean, is it like fully burning?
- It's not gonna be as bad
as the damage from the spell.
It'll be a smaller amount of fire damage
from the ambient burning.
- Can Kugrash take that?
- I can heal.
- Throw him.
- We're having this convo.
- Jump down there and then throw him.
- You, boom!
- You and Kugrash are off the roof.
- Can you throw Kugrash mid-air?
- If you guys want to go ahead and land,
give me just an Athletics check real quick
to land safely with Kugrash.
- Uh, 19.
- Hell yeah.
- Okay, cool, cool, cool.
- You are solid gold.
Incredible feat of super
heroics from Ricky Matsui.
Rad as hell.
That's now going to be-
- And is it dark in there?
'Cause when I use Sacred Weapon,
I think my axe shines or whatever.
- It is dark no longer.
The bodega is illuminated
by your glowing axe.
You hear above you, boom, boom, boom!
You see that the beetle is
trying to jam its body
through the opening of the vent.
- Too big.
- I'm gonna roll to see-
- Can the rats get opportunity attacks?
There's four swarms of rats.
- Ooh, that's right.
Yes, they absolutely can
get opportunity attacks.
- Here we go, Siobhan.
- Oh yeah, oh yeah.
- Oh, yes, please roll, yes.
One more d20.
- Designated-
- One more d20, here we go.
- Four nat 20s.
- Jesus Christ, just my dice hit.
I got an 11, the rest of
them are six, five, and four.
- So 13, Jesus.
- So 13, 13 hits, roll damage.
- Oh, good.
- Maybe it's your dice.
- Maybe your dice are cursed.
We need to do a moon ritual
and bath them in salt.
- Uh, five damage?
- Pete, you might wanna-
- Can we pause for a moon ritual?
- Hell yeah.
- We need a quick salt bath for the dice.
- Are you blessed?
- Not the rats.
- I didn't bless those
damn rats.
- Yeah, what if you had done that?
- Come on, Kingston, use
a higher level spell slot.
- Use a third-level spell so you can-
- The beetle is going to
attempt to ram through
and get to the bodega...
unsuccessfully.
- Okay.
Guys, you can't be in
the bodega right now!
It's under renovation.
I'm gonna eat ya.
You see, that's going to be Kugrash.
- Sweet.
- Oh, for a bonus action,
can I cast Shield of Faith on Kugrash?
- Oh, thanks, man.
- Oh, hell yeah.
- Plus two.
- Plus two AC.
- Okay, I'm at 19, all right.
- Kugrash, give me a Dexterity
saving throw, by the way.
- Oh, boy.
- Can we say that that manifests
as Kugrash's hair is like,
really static-electric?
- You take six points of fire damage.
- Good.
- You good?
- Thank you.
- Cool, that's going to be,
yeah, Kugrash, that's your turn.
- Sweet.
I guess I'm gonna see, oh,
it's probably such a- Okay.
So we got two guys back here.
I should probably fight
them as opposed to...
- We wanna find out what that-
- I'm going after that.
- Yeah, maybe
there's another hole.
- There's another
hole right here, too.
- We need you to fight.
- Yeah, there's
a hole through there.
- All right, I'm gonna peek in the hole.
I'm only like, five feet
away from this hole.
- No, remember, she got 20 damage
when she was close to the hole.
- Just like, immediately.
- Yeah.
- And that was half damage.
- That was half damage.
- Okay, in that case, I'm
gonna create a Flaming Sphere
and send it through the hole.
- Sick.
- Ooh, yeah!
- How about it?
- Just be careful.
- Eh, it's fine.
- Ricky's gonna supervise.
- You, boom,
create a Flaming Sphere.
- Cool!
- And send it through the hole.
- This, I'm on this side, so this hole.
- It's a Himalayan salt lamp.
- Cool, that hole right there?
- Yeah.
- You hear some screaming
and chittering through there.
Let me take a little peak real quick.
Yeah, actually, go ahead and roll damage.
- Sweet.
- Or, does it happen on their turn?
- It happens if it bumps into one person.
They take the damage, and
at the end of their turn,
if they're in the space, they take damage.
- Cool, go ahead and roll damage.
- Yeah, nice, you can do it.
- Five.
- Yeah, you hear a screaming,
chittering little thing.
- Sweet. Uh they make a
Dexterity saving throw.
- I haven't given this back yet
because it's so badass.
- It is.
- Can you?
- Yeah, I was gonna
say, keep it over your face.
- Hell yeah,
Kugrash, that's great.
That's like your saint picture.
- Are you doing
anything else or no?
- Uh, buh-buh-buh, nope,
that's action and bonus action.
- It looked like a stainless window.
- Yeah.
- Wow, I would
definitely pray to that window.
- There's no roaches
out over here, are there?
- No.
- I k*lled them all.
- These two guys drop down here
through the vent and are
going to attack Ricky.
- Bring it on.
Both miss.
- Cowards, fools.
- That's gonna be Sofia.
- Okay, first off, I'm
gonna go through this,
but I'm gonna roll a
Dexterity saving throw
because I'm an acrobat,
so, if I just get a DC 15,
which I did, I won't have to, it's not
a feat of strength.
- Cool, awesome.
- So what I wanna do is I wanna
jump through these shelves.
I wanna kick through the shelves,
like swing on the top of the shelf
and put my little body
through to get to this thing.
- Awesome, I will let
you consider the shelves
as much as being a wall, which
is sort of what they are.
If you want to consider
them difficult terrain,
you gotta give me a DC
- DC 20 Acrobatics, okay.
I'm blessed too, right?
- You are blessed.
- Ooh, I want this bad.
- Yeah.
- Okay, 15, I got it!
- Yeah!
- You guys see, yeah, you f*ck' parkour.
You slide through the webs,
and you go through the swinging
pincers of that mantis,
boom, land on the other side
of the shelves, with some-
- And then, can I, oh,
sorry, what was that?
- Yeah, with some movement
to spare, so you get-
- Yeah, I still got an action and stuff.
I want to do a quick
Perception check on this thing.
Does it seem like a
cocoon that's gonna like,
hatch a swarm of bugs?
- You listen.
Give me a Perception or
an Insight, either one.
- Perception.
- Can you do it blessed?
- That's gonna be 25.
I can make it more if you need.
I haven't even blessed myself yet.
- Brennan, just ask, just ask.
- Brennan, just ask.
- You listen to the cocoon as you land,
phew, and you hear-
- You m*therf*ckers, I f*ck' go to town
on that thing, both attacks.
- No, that's a cat!
- No, no, the cocoon!
- Wait.
- Oh.
- Oh, wait, can I attack it in a way that-
- You can try to rip.
- Can I rip the cocoon off?
- Yes, you absolutely can.
- Okay, so-
- It sounded like bugs.
- Yeah, I guess I thought, oh my God.
- No, you hear a soft
breathing of some kind.
- Oh my God, ha!
Okay, wait, I already did it.
I had gotten two nines, so do 17,
or what am I rolling here?
Am I attacking to rip it off?
I'm so nervous right now.
- I'm sorry, you are attacking to rip,
I assume you're attacking
to rip the cocoon off.
- Yeah, okay.
- Go for it, yeah.
- So I had gotten, I got a nine
plus eight plus two, so 20.
- So I had gotten, I got a nine
plus eight plus two, so 20.
I did that wrong, but, and then-
- 19.
- And then a 22.
- Those both hit, yeah.
- Okay, and then I'm doing
damage to the cocoon?
- Yeah, you're trying to deal-
- To make it clear, I'm
not hurting the cat.
- Are you hurting the cat?
- No.
- You're trying to
deal 15 points of damage.
- It sounds like
she's hurting the cat.
- Oh, well, that's...
- Emily just hates that cat.
- Okay, so that's gonna
be nine and then six.
- That's 15.
- Oh, okay.
- Oh, you did it.
So you see that you,
phew, land over the thing,
hear this purring, and
I think, once again,
probably go for the hairdresser tools.
- Yeah, I definitely do.
- Snip, snip, snip, snip, snip.
Light disappears, the
fire goes out.
The axe glows brighter.
Stars appear all over the bodega.
For a moment, space
and time are suspended.
You see endless stars
swirling in a cosmic bodega.
You see endless stars
swirling in a cosmic bodega.
All of the snacks and
cakes and boxes of cereals
and ramens and ice creams
are suddenly replaced
on the shelves with glittering treasures.
Swords, shining helms, coins,
far-off potions and tinctures.
This bodega is a bodega of wonders.
- I think I cast a spell, guys!
- I don't think it was you!
- Appearing before you, with
one green eye and one blue,
is the most beautiful brindled cat.
- Its smile Chesire Cats
out, and you see, it goes-
- Sofia.
Yo soy La Gran Gata
- Me gusta mucho.
- Te amo.
- Are you gonna f*ck that cat?
- Look, she's going through her period.
- Amigo, amigos.
- He says, my daughter, miha.
It is a very good try, I appreciate.
You have released me from my prison.
Your friends... A rat!
- No.
- Goes, you have done a great service,
and I shall see it repaid.
I guard these stores with might and magic.
Let us see you repaid
for this service you have done me.
Also, if you want to help yourself
to some Ben & Jerry's, it's in the back.
- I will take that, and
I have one tiny request,
and I am so sorry if it disrespectful.
Can I please pet you?
- You will do this?
- Yeah, behind the ears,
anywhere you like it.
Chinny rubs, I give it chinny rubs.
- These are the finest chinny rubs
ever I have felt.
- Thank you.
- You...
- I was thinking of becoming
a masseuse at one point.
- She's good.
- Do you know this?
I know you are new to
this unsleeping city.
Great deeds are being done.
You, as well, have a role
to play in deeds to come.
The cat, boom, vanishes.
Your movement increases
by an additional 10
for the rest of the fight.
And you see that this cat becomes
a whirling torrent of stars,
and says,
I will need these vermin to
vacate my bodega at once.
And she, phew, turns into stars
and begins to befuddle as a,
like, swirling thing of stars.
Both of the bugsters still in the bodega.
- What about those roaches?
- Oh, the roaches as well.
- Oh, okay.
- You guys within the bodega
see that all of these insects
are being bamboozled by La Gran Gata.
- Oh my God.
Guys, I think I might be magic after all.
- Hell yes, Sofia.
- Keep trying, Sofia.
- That's gonna be your guy's
rat swarms, up on the roof.
- Sweet, I want them to keep attacking
these stupid big bugs.
I'm gonna hit this time.
- Yes!
- Yeah!
- 15 and 21 for two of 'em.
Uh, and 20 for another one.
- Hell yeah, those are hits.
- The other guys are all misses, sweet.
They actually, okay...
- Hell yes.
- Great.
- You hear that beetle being like,
All right, guys, we gotta knock it off.
To arms, to arms, my brothers!
Let them sing of this
day for ages to come!
The day where we banded
together, rats and rats alike!
- Yeah, that's right, k*ll the bug!
- I'm going to need everybody here,
- I'm going to need everybody here,
uh, is Ricky and Kugrash there?
So this is gonna hit
Ricky, Kugrash, and Pete,
but not Sofia or Misty.
I'm gonna need you guys
all to make Constitution saving throws.
- Is that blessed also?
- Oh, yes.
- Oh, yes, thank goodness.
- All of you stay blessed, stay blessed.
- 17.
- Yes, f*ck' 24.
- 17 as well.
- Cool, what'd you get?
- Oh, am I in it?
- No, no, no, he's further.
- Just you three.
- Okay, you guys all make it.
All of you guys take 8 points of damage
as you hear Becky go, um, guys,
could somebody go talk to them?
And the bodega fills with just
tons of swarming regular-sized locusts
and biting, stinging things.
You guys are just
surrounded by these
biting, stinging insects.
- f*ck.
- That, there's just like,
plague of swarming things here.
- How much damage was that again, sorry?
- Eight.
- I'm down to 13.
- That's going to be Kingston, that's you.
- I can't touch Pete, right?
'Cause he's all the way up there?
- And you'd have to go into the swarm.
- No, actually, you could probably
reach in and grab Pete's foot.
- Okay.
- All right,
is the swarm still there or is it gone?
- Swarm is still there.
- So would I have to enter the swarm?
- You would probably
have to enter the swarm.
- Great, that's great.
- Ah, it's okay, it's okay.
- I'll get you in a second.
Can I Command the, is that bug, like,
sticking its head through the vent,
trying to get down still?
- It's up there, you can see it, yeah.
- Can I Command it?
- Sure.
- Yeah, I'd like to Command it to halt
and stay up there, you damn bug.
- Awesome.
It's gonna make a save.
You see that it looks
at you and goes, Huh?
- Stay up there, you damn bug, stay.
- Are you from like, a zoning board
or a neighborhood council?
- One or the other, yes!
- All right, guys, we're gonna
have to do some paperwork.
We gotta, let's wrap it up, huh!
We gotta k*ll these guys later.
You see it turns around
and sort of stomps away from the vent.
- Cool, so you cast Command,
but you do enter the space,
so I'm gonna need that
Constitution saving throw.
- Okay.
Uh, 19.
- Nice.
- Cool, you take 15, nine,
you take 12 points of damage.
- Great.
- f*ck.
- Uh, buh-buh-bum, cool.
So that's your action, that's your,
go ahead and move your character
wherever your character is.
- Okay, I had a question about moving.
Could I attempt to do an old man version
of what Sofie Bikes did and like,
scramble through the aisle thing?
- The bottom one?
- Like maybe the section
where I kicked through?
- Yeah, I'd take the safe DC.
- Cool, it's a DC 20 Acrobatics, right?
- Okay, great.
- Yeah, give me
a DC 20 Acrobatics check.
- Oh, Kingston.
- What do you have on Acrobatics?
- You have plus one.
- I have plus one.
- You have to roll a 19.
- Nat 20.
- Oh boy!
- Oh my God.
I can feel, I truly, I have
never been more confident
rolling a dice in my entire life.
- It was in your fingers.
You just needed to get it out.
- You walk into this bodega
and the swirling stars around here.
You see that it materializes in the stars.
You see that it materializes in the stars.
You see the face of La Gran
Gata appear for a moment,
and you see that the cat looks at you.
The bodega cat of all bodega cats.
And goes, Kingston Brown, from Uptown.
And goes, Kingston Brown, from Uptown.
- Oh, La Gran Gata, oh, nice to meet you.
I've heard a lot about you.
- You see that as you move,
the cat, this beautiful
ancient cat spirit, bows,
the cat, this beautiful
ancient cat spirit, bows,
and you see echoes of
like, cultures across time,
Ancient Egypt, all the places
that cats have been worshiped
and the shelves, you
don't have to jump at all.
The shelves, boom, slide,
and you walk calmly
through the open place.
You can go wherever you
want in that bodega.
- Okay, great, I'll just go
stand next to Sofie Bikes.
- Incredible.
- Gosh.
Wild.
- Rock and roll.
That's f*cking wild.
Pete, that's you.
- I'm still floating, right?
- Yes.
- Cool, so that does mean
I can just more easily
float towards the next webbed hole?
- Yeah, absolutely.
- Cool, cool, I go there.
- Just leaving these dudes.
- Yeah.
- You can just f*ck' leave 'em.
- Because they're preoccupied, right?
With like, the stars or whatever?
I don't have to like, take a disengage?
- Yeah, well, they might
get an attack on you.
You're not sure, but yes.
- You have 13 health,
is that what you said?
- Yeah.
- I have, if you...
I mean, you can get to him or get to me.
We both have Cure Wounds.
- You can get to me, yeah.
- Hm, it just feels like
we have so much more to go through.
- I know.
- It's like we gotta, um,
I do have a shield if someone attacks me,
so I guess that's like...
- Do whatever you wanna do.
- You could disengage
and just poke your head.
- Yeah, I wanna cast something into there.
- Yeah, that's true.
- Just knowing what's in there
will be really helpful, if you can get-
- Okay, yeah, whatever, I'll just go.
I'll take the attack of opportunity.
- Okay, you see that they are swinging
with what appears to be like disadvantage
because of this crazy cat magic.
- Cool, cool, cool.
- That was a clutch move, Sofia.
- Yeah!
- I thought maybe I would get
a familiar out of it, but that's fine.
- You don't know yet.
- You just find a cat.
- Always needs a familiar.
- Hell yeah, first one
misses with the reaction,
second one misses with a reaction.
- Yes, all right, cool.
- Whoo!
- I poke my head
in there and I cast Fear.
- Ooh, f*ck!
- Let's see here, whoosh.
- And my fireball
is here, right, on this bug?
- Oh yeah, the fireball.
- Yes, exactly.
Also who's here is Becky.
- Becky with the bad bug.
- She's like over this person
on top of the laundromat stuff.
So you go into this next
hole into the laundromat.
Let me see here, so you're here,
so it's five, 10, 15, 20, 25, 30.
You're gonna have to take
a double move to kinda get in there.
- And I won't be able to cast Fear?
- Or you can just cast
Fear through the hole here.
- Yeah, yeah, I
would love to do that,
like a cone facing that way,
because this guy has the... fireball.
- Yeah, he's got the Flaming Sphere there.
Cool, they are going to
roll their save for Fear.
Fear is a cone, I believe, right?
- Yeah, a 30-foot cone.
- 30-foot cone, cool.
You could even, if you
want to try to hit Becky,
you can maybe like, poke
your head in the hole
and try to hit them both.
- Yeah, that's what I'm trying, yeah.
I'll try to hit Becky and, uh...
- Whatever else.
- I think this is the cone here, right?
- Whatever else is there, yeah.
- Yes, you can hit 'em all, yep, cool.
- Cool, all three of those people?
- Yes, absolutely.
- We'll roll for the roach and the swarm.
What's the DC on that?
- Your DC is 16.
- Cool.
Oh man, Becky does not flinch.
The roach, however, goes-
Uh, what does Pete look like
as he summons the power of pure nightmare?
- Ooh, um...
I look like a Defend...
Defend, where are we?
- You're in Astoria, yeah.
- Queens?
- Yeah, Defend Astoria, you know?
I've made like a Facebook post
of places not to give money to,
and it's all the places that
they're planning on building,
like their WeWorks and sh*t.
- You guys see Pete like,
floating there as his
eyes sink into his head.
Shadows wrap around him
and this Facebook post,
boom, comes out of his chest.
- And it's just racking up likes
by like, locals.
You see that the roach
in front of you goes,
Ah! Socialist community organizing, run!
Turns and just, this and the
swarm f*cking scatters, gone.
- Cool.
- That's Pete, it's gonna
be these bugsters, baby.
Misty, you're right over here, right?
- Yeah.
- Cool, this bug's just
coming down for Sofia.
- Come at me.
- That's Winston.
- Kingston.
- Kingston, sorry.
- Cool, okay, so one's
gonna come for Kingston,
one's coming for Misty.
- Bring it on!
- 17 and four.
Misty, you take, uh, five damage from
one of the bugsters' claws.
- That's not too bad.
- And Kingston...
Ooh, Kingston, you take, buh-buh-bum...
One, two, three, seven, nine, 12.
You take 14 damage
from one of them slashing
across you with a claw.
- Great, 21.
- Hell yes, that's now going
to be Misty, that's you.
- Hell yes, that's now going
to be Misty, that's you.
- Hm.
- I'm sorry, at the end of your turn,
Pete, you're actually gonna,
you're still in that swarm of insects.
I need another Constitution
throw from you.
- Blessed.
- Yeah, thank you.
- Hell yeah.
- 22.
- Okay, you still take half damage,
which is gonna be, you take
eight points of damage.
- Jesus, f*ck.
I'm down to five.
- Give me a Wild Magic check, too.
- 15.
- Cool. Misty, that's you.
- I am going to cast...
Is the shelf still moved from
when the bodega cat moved it?
- I'm gonna say, on a nat 20, yes, it is.
- Great.
So I'm gonna cast...
Hm...
I'm just gonna cast Thunderwave
on this guy in front of me,
so it's a Constitution saving throw.
- Hell yeah.
- And it's 2d8 damage.
- Go ahead and roll it.
- Which is 11.
- You look at this guy.
What does Misty say as she
casts the spell, what happens?
- I'm gonna say, I heard you people
have been complaining
about loud noises at night.
Well, listen to this!
- Boom!
Misty's lightning doesn't
crackle asymmetrically.
It's like a perfect showbiz
circle of lightning bolts,
and this guy is f*cking rent asunder
and he goes, ah!
You see this hipster lady in front of you
instead goes like, oh,
God, theater, gross!
It's so schmaltzy, like so sincere!
Like, oh, she should
have some perspective.
Postmodernism, ugh!
And she is toast.
- And then can I take a moment,
just because we're in this f*ck'
fancy adventuring
bodega, to see if there's
anything on the-
- We might come back after.
- Yeah, you're probably right,
but just since we're here
and I'm walking in your direction anyway,
I can take a movement.
- Give me a Sleight of Hand check.
- Great.
- Sleight of Hand check.
- I have such good Slight of Hand.
- Uh, 19?
- You see that there's
a little golden, seashell,
pearl-studded hand mirror.
- Oh, oh my God, I love this.
But I do it in that
famous person way of like,
I'm gonna take this.
I love this so much.
- You see that the cat made of stars goes,
Wow, very interesting.
I guess you can leave it on the counter
and pay for it when you come back.
- Sure, can I just check
it out for just a second?
- Wait a minute, you're
Misty Moore, right?
- Yeah, that's right.
- Maybe you'll post on social media?
- Oh, I would love to.
You know, my friend
Ricky, oh, I can't see-
- We'll talk later.
So, that's awesome.
You pocket that little magic thing.
- And then I...
- Move.
- Move to where it would be.
- Cool, and you're out of
the swarm of bugs, gotcha.
- Yeah.
- Cool, cool, cool.
- Is Bardic a bonus?
- Oh, it is.
Can I, since Kingston is right there,
I'm gonna say, like...
- Yeah.
- Kingston, have you lost some weight?
- Maybe.
- You look great.
- Okay, all right.
- Eating a lot of salad.
- Ay, ay.
- Hell yeah, Ricky, that's you.
- Okay, um.
Okay, everybody.
- Okay, everybody.
- I just realized that I have to
do Concentration for that shield.
What do I roll again for
when that took 12 damage?
- You have to roll a DC
- Okay, 19.
- Cool, got it.
- I think I'm just gonna
go through this hole.
- Cool.
- And try to cover the next hole.
- Awesome.
- So that he can't get away.
- That's a good move.
- Great call.
- Smart, smart, smart.
- Cool, so that's
five, 10, 15, 20, 25, 30,
so you get to about here.
- And I'm gonna ready an action.
In case she tries to get by
me, I'm gonna attack her.
- Awesome, very, very cool.
- Oh, sick, there's
another one on the outside.
- Dope.
Okay, you guys hear the beetle...
Absolutely destroys two of the rat swarms.
- Oh no.
- He's just taking care of
business up on top of the roof.
You hear, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom!
Brothers, though we die,
we do not die in vain!
- Wait, is he not halted still?
- He has to stay on the roof, yeah.
- Oh, I gotcha.
- I can't do everything, Ricky,
all right?
I got the damn-
- I'm sorry.
- You should have said,
Don't k*ll the rat.
- Okay, what the?
- Kugrash, it's gonna be you.
- You should have blessed the rat!
- You get one word with Command!
- Yeah I know.
- Y'all need to chill.
- Um, hey, Pete, I bless
you with the blessings
- Um, hey, Pete, I bless
you with the blessings
of some pigeons who died
near a church, and I-
of some pigeons who died
near a church, and I-
I'm gonna Cure Wounds.
You know what, I'll do a third-level.
- Cool.
- My man.
- Third-level Cure Wounds on Pete.
- Thank you.
- Cool, go for it.
- Oh, God damn it.
Yo, I literally rolled two
ones in a row, I am insane.
Nine, buh-buh-buh, plus my, okay, 14.
- Cool, thank you.
- Hell yeah.
And is Kugrash moving anywhere, or what?
- Yes, so that's an
action, then I'm going to,
move in, just so I can
see what's going on,
but I think if I-
- You're still in
the swarm of bugs there, by the way.
- Oh, sh*t, okay, I don't
wanna be in the swarm of bugs.
Bless you, okay.
Does it go through the door?
- It does go through the door.
- Oh.
- You're not
in it anymore, Ricky.
You got out of it.
- Okay, cool.
- You got out, man.
- Okay, I'm going to, yeah,
I'm just gonna run in and get
as far as I can get in here.
- Cool, go ahead
and count out your movement.
- Can you move your fireball?
- I can as a bonus action, but
I think I have another idea.
One...
- Two, three.
- So two, three, four, five.
I'll go like, in the corner here.
- Cool, you're out.
- Sweet, and then I'm going to use a
bonus action to summon the,
I'm gonna summon a juicy c*ck.
These bugs were f*ck' here
before you kids ruined the neighborhood!
And I summon a juicy c*ck
and me and Ricky get temp HP,
five plus my Druid level and
plus advantage on Strength,
so Strength saving throws.
- Yeah.
- So five.
- That's so
good, because he might-
- Plus my druid level, so 10.
- Wow, that's sick.
- Rad, awesome.
That's Kugrash.
It's these roaches' turn.
Are there any roaches even left in here?
- Yeah, there's
these, I don't know if this is-
- There's one right here.
- Okay, there's
one right here, too.
- And there's two right here.
- There's two right here?
- Oh no, those guys left, but-
- Bugsters.
- Oh yeah, they have like,
star magic or whatever, but whatever.
- Yes, so these guys are gonna
come for Ricky through here.
- Do they pass through the sphere?
- sh*t.
- They do not
pass through the sphere,
and there's some back here, too?
- There's just one.
- The bugster.
- There's a bugster.
- Oh, the bugster,
don't worry about the bugster.
These guys are gonna go after Ricky.
Both miss.
These guys are unlucky,
and then that's gonna
be Sofia, that's you.
- Okay, first off,
before I exit this room,
I saw what Misty did and
I wanna look for a toy.
- Cool, give me a Sleight of Hand.
- Okay.
Oh, I knew this was gonna happen.
I got a 10.
- The cat winks at you.
You roll with advantage.
- Really?
- Yeah, you saved the cat.
Okay, that's gonna be a 21.
- You see that there
is a small golden ring
- You see that there
is a small golden ring
that has an embossment
on it of a closed fist,
so like a bust of a fist
on a small golden ring.
- Oh my God, I look at the
cat and I start to put it on.
Is this okay?
- Please, help yourself,
you saved my life,
and you gave me the good chin scratches.
- I give some more chinny scratchies.
- Oh, this is so good.
It is not the same with your paws.
- And then I wanna run
through the store and
liberate these locals.
- Hell yeah, go for it.
- So I run through this door.
- Go ahead and
grab your figure and move it.
- Yeah, and then
I think I'm just gonna
go to town on this cocoon.
- Dope, go ahead, we're
actually gonna make these-
I'll say that these are
DC 15 Athletics checks,
just to simplify it a little bit.
- Oh okay, cool.
Ugh, oh wait, but I'm blessed.
three, seven plus seven,
- So you rush in, pop, pop, pop.
You get a lot of the way through,
but they're still trapped in here.
- Can I use my second
attack to do another one?
- Sure, give me another roll.
- Okay, that's gonna be a 27.
- You rip the cocoons off,
see there's two people
in the laundromat and they go,
Oh my God, thank you,
thank you, you're a hero.
Do you think if I leave my stuff here,
I can come back and get it later?
Because I just have one
more load in my apartment.
- You know what, I'll fold it.
I'll throw it in with some wrinkle stuff
because it's probably gonna
be pretty wrinkled after this.
- I can imagine, these bugs are from hell!
- Yeah, they really are, get out of here.
- These two locals sprint away.
- Tell everyone that Sofia
the Sorceress saved you.
- Two swarms left to attack, go for it.
- Sweet, get that f*ck' bug, guys.
They are gonna attack the bug.
I think, 12 and a 15?
- 12 and 15, the 15 hits.
- Eight.
- Ay.
- Hell yeah.
You hear the beetle outside going,
Ow, God damn it, what the f*ck?
And you hear the rats being like,
Though we be but little, we are fierce!
Believe in yourselves!
- Great, so that's the swarms.
Back to Becky.
She looks at you, Ricky,
with your readied action.
- That's enough, come on.
- I can hear it from the
other room, and I'm just like.
- So convincing, such a commanding voice.
It must be k*lling you that
there's a fireball right there.
- I hate it.
- I'm gonna need you to
make a Wisdom saving throw.
- f*ck me.
- You blessed, Ricky.
- Ricky, you're blessed.
- With Bless.
Ugh, that's only four, eight, nine.
- Your saving throw, you got a nine?
- I got a nine, but
can I use a Luck Point?
- Yes, you may.
- Great, great, great.
- Okay.
- Come on, Ricky.
- So this is
your second Luck Point?
- This is my second Luck Point
and you've been bad to me,
but I think you're gonna
be good to me this time.
Eh, so, I rolled a six,
so now I have 11.
- f*ck.
- Can I use a third Luck Point?
- I don't think you can
use a third Luck Point.
- Yeah.
- Let me double-check.
Yeah, I don't think you
can use another one.
- Okay, cool.
- Don't do that, don't sigh like that.
- You see, Ricky, you stand
with your axe fully ready,
and you see Becky looks at you and says,
Um, I'm so sorry, I know you wanna hit me
with that axe or whatever
because you're like, I don't know,
you hate change, but Pete's here now
and a lot's gonna [dark
and eldritch] change.
Your questing blade
clatters to the ground.
You guys watch Ricky double over.
His body changes.
You see that she begins to try
and warp you into becoming an insect.
Pete, I will allow you, if you want to,
to spend a Sorcery Point to not have this
be as bad as it's going to be.
- Yeah, totally, yeah, yeah, yeah, so.
- Pete, you try,
but you realize that, again,
her magic's coming from
you and she reaches out.
As you begin to turn into
a bug, Pete does something.
Your magic won't let you stop
it, but you can change it.
- What if I give you a Ki Point, too?
Hah, I'm just kidding.
- Ricky is gone, and a little dog
is there on the ground.
- Oh, Ricky!
- You're so cute!
- That's cute.
- It's a buff-a*s dog.
- Ricky, you have a hard time remembering
any of the things that have happened.
You know you have friends,
you know you're a good boy,
but it's hard to remember what else.
- Okay.
- Hey Ricky, you can understand me, right?
I'm a Circle of Shepherds
Druid, I can talk to animals.
Is he like a dog for all purposes?
- You are still somewhere, Ricky Matsui,
even if you don't remember that name,
but yeah, you could talk to Kugrash.
- I'm Ricky?
- You're Ricky.
- Oh great, okay.
- You're a firefighter.
- Yeah, I am?
Awesome.
- Can I Mindlink with everyone?
Can I roll an Insight check and see if
me, like, running would take
power away from them, or?
- Make an Insight check
to see what would happen.
- Two.
- You don't know, you
don't know your own magic.
- m*therf*cker.
- Becky turns you into a dog,
flies overhead, rushes in here.
You can still try to take your attack,
but now you're attacking
with a dog's attack bonus.
- I know the thing did this to me, right?
- Yes, you do.
- Well, I'm just gonna try to bite it.
- Go ahead and roll an attack roll.
For a dog, I'm-
- Is the dog blessed?
Did I bless the dog?
- The dog is still
blessed, it's still there.
- A blessed dog!
- I don't get two attacks now.
- Just one, I'm afraid.
- A dog only attacks once.
- It's not a disease, right?
- Yeah, I can't cure this?
- You're blessed.
- I can maybe do something.
- If you hit with, wait, wait,
does he still have
Sentinel, even as a dog?
- I believe you still have Sentinel.
- If he hits a creature
with an opportunity attack,
the creature's speed becomes
zero for the rest of the turn.
- Oh my God.
- All right, well, let's see if I...
- Let's see, your bonus to this
is you have a plus three to hit.
- My dog bonus.
- Plus three.
You roll with a plus three.
- This is hard.
- But you have a chance.
- Go ahead and roll.
- Okay, Bless.
Um, a 15.
- You hit!
- So you see, Becky turns
you into a dog, you reach up,
latch onto one of her insect legs and-
Keep her from flying further away.
Hell yes.
So, she's just right over here.
Ah, bad dog, f*ck you, bad dog!
You actually can roll
a 1d6 plus one damage.
- A two.
Two damage.
- Hell yeah.
- Really bad time over here.
- Wow, I'm so sorry, Ricky.
- But you do see that the
cloud of insects disappears
as she turns you into a dog.
That's going to be Kingston, that's you.
- Great, can I take a step
back and cast Guiding Bolt
on this last bugster that's still in here?
- Where is it?
Oh yeah, this person right here?
- Yeah.
- Yes, you can.
- Great.
- Yeah, f*ck 'em up.
- Oh my God, I'm a dog.
- Uh, 17?
- A 17 hits.
- Great, so come on, five,
a nine, got a 14, 18.
- Uh, 18 damage?
- 18 damage.
- You extend your hand.
The stars around the
bodega come to your call
and are released, phew, as like,
little bulbs of streetlamp light,
and eviscerate this bugster.
They are no more.
- Fantastic.
- So, and then your movement.
- Great, and I'll come on in.
Let's go one, two, three, four.
- Mhm.
- Five, six.
- Cool.
- Welcome to the party, Kingston.
Ricky's a dog now.
- What?
- Yeah, it's f*cked up.
- Like a little-
- Like, he's this f*cking dog right here.
- You see there's a dog pulling on this-
- What breed, what breed?
- I think he's like a large,
brindled, gray and black Akita.
- Aw, sweet.
- Cute.
- Kinda like a wolfy, hunting-looking dog.
- f*ck yeah, akitas are dope.
- Hi, do you like chinny rubs?
- Aw.
- I'm still attacking this giant wasp.
- Incredible, that's going to be...
That's Kingston, roaches go.
These two roaches are gonna
go for Kugrash now, buh-bum.
Both miss. I don't think
a single roach has hit.
Sofia, that's you.
- Okay, I wanna hop up
onto this row of dryers
and then beeline it for the wasp
and jump onto her, attacking her.
- Hell yes, so that's a beeline.
- With a Flurry of Blows.
- A beeline for the wasp?
- Five, 10,
- And then I have an extra 10, yeah.
- That's right, because of the cat, cool.
- But I wanna dive onto her.
- Oh, do you wanna try to grapple her
or do you wanna make attacks?
- No, I mean I wanna make
attacks, but airborne.
- Hell yeah.
- And I'm gonna Flurry of Blows also.
- Jesus.
- Okay, does a 17 hit,
and does a 24 hit?
I guess they do, because you had a 15.
- Yeah, hopefully.
- You see she throws a shield up,
like a magical shield.
- Okay, well, I'm also blessed,
so let me add two to
the, so it's 19 and 24.
- Hold on one second.
- And 19 and 28.
- 19 and 28, Jesus.
The 19...
Yeah the 19 hits.
- That's you.
- The 19 hits, as does the 28.
- Ugh, okay.
- Go ahead and roll damage.
- So I'm gonna hit her for...
- You're so tall.
- Nine and seven, so I hit her for 16,
and then I'm Flurry of Blows-ing,
so I'm gonna hit her twice more.
- Cool.
- And let's see.
- Two, three, so 12 plus eight.
- Another 19 damage?
- No, no, no, another, yeah.
- 20 and then 19 to hit?
Both of those hit.
- Okay, so that's gonna be another 10
and another 10, so then another 20!
- Whoa.
- Wow.
- Pow, pow, pow, pow.
- You guys see, I don't,
are you drunk anymore after
the whole thing with the cat?
- I'm wasted.
- You're f*ck', yeah,
you see that you are,
you vomit a little bit in your mouth.
Stars are swirling around you.
You see that the stars are actually like,
pinging off of Sofia to keep her up,
and again, these like, twirling-
- I wanna bicycle kick, Liu Kang style,
for one of my attacks.
- Oh yeah, you like hop up and-
- With stilettos.
- Yeah, pow-pow-pow-pow-pow.
You stab her four times in the head
with your stiletto heels.
She is on death's f*cking door.
Her weird bug skull is caved in.
She is so close to being dead.
- Oh, yeah.
- That's gonna be the swarms.
- And then I land and chinny rub.
- Land, chinny rubs, an insane round.
The swarms go, well actually,
sorry, no, the beetle.
- Yo, those rats, though.
- My rats.
- Oh, the rats are f*ck'
toast, they're done.
The rat swarms are done.
Becky vanishes in mist.
Vanish, gone.
- f*ck.
- Even though her movement's zero?
- Even though she had a dog in it?
- She just did a spell.
- Oh, she's probably still here.
- Am I a gone if I'm fire here?
She's like, probably
gaseous form or something.
- No.
- Or Misty Step, maybe.
- Phew, vanishes.
- That's going to be...
- I'm just a dog, sniffing around.
- Where could she, she has to see
where she Misty Steps to, right?
- Did she Misty Step or did
she just teleport or something?
- Yeah, who knows?
- He said she disappears in mist,
which feels misty.
- Yeah, okay.
- Yeah, it's gonna be Pete's turn.
- Okay, cool.
I'm still like floating, right?
- Yes, you are still
floating, that's correct.
- Could I float kinda over these bugs
and just go straight from door
to door into this new place?
- Yeah, you totally could.
- Okay.
- How f*cked up are you?
- I'm at 19 now.
- One, two, three.
- Which isn't that bad.
- Four, five, six.
You can take a double move
if you want to keep moving.
Thank you.
- Ugh, a bunch of bugs and people.
Oh and then the hole's up there.
- What the f*ck is this?
- Yeah, some dude.
Okay, so I'm peeking my head in there,
and so I'm gonna cast Scorching Ray.
- Awesome, go ahead and make your attacks.
- Uh, it's how many?
- Three, I think.
- It's three, yeah.
- It's three, yeah.
- Can I use this?
- Yep.
- Sheesh, come on, man.
- Plus your spell attack modifier,
so 12, 18, and 25?
- And I have Bless, so I could
bless that 12... with a one.
- So 13?
- 13.
- 13, 14, and 26, or something like that,
or how much is it?
- It's 13, 18, and 25.
- 13, 18, 25, awesome.
Who are you trying to hit?
- I can throw the 13
on a regular c*ck
and then the 25 on the hipster c*ck
and then the 18 on the other c*ck.
- Cool, go ahead and roll damage.
- Cool.
- So that's a 2d6 on each, or is it?
- 2d6 on each, yeah.
- 2d6 on each.
- Yeah.
- Two.
Yeah!
- Oh, sh*t.
- Ally, good God.
- What was it?
- Just sit, it's gone.
- What was it though?
- It's down there.
- Oh, the water bottles fell.
- It doesn't count if it's on the floor
unless it's a six.
- It doesn't count
if it's not a six.
- No, it does not
count on the floor.
- Roll it again.
- All right, I got three
sixes though, b*tches.
- You have to roll it again
for each because they're
each a separate attack.
- What's that?
- You can't decide how to
determine them, so like.
- Oh, I got you.
- So we'll say that's one,
that's one, and then roll that dice.
- Okay, yeah, five.
f*ck yeah.
- Okay.
- 12, 11, and three.
- Okay, which one is which?
So you're hitting the
bugster with which one?
right in the doorway,
and then three on the
c*ck that's further away.
- Cool, one of these roaches is-
Just toast.
- That one takes some serious damage.
Hell yeah, that's now going to be...
This bugster's going
to, phew, rush in here,
because you're like, at
the doorway basically.
He's gonna rush in and
attempt to f*ck you up.
- Oh, I cast Shield so
that my AC goes up by five.
- As your reaction, cool.
- If something comes in
within five feet of me,
is it within five feet of me?
I can use Sentinel on it.
- You could, but he's just
in the doorway right now.
- Oh, okay, yeah.
- He's f*ck' with Pete.
- That's gonna be a miss.
- I'm a very good dog.
- That's also gonna be a miss
on Pete with that Shield,
so you burn a first-level
spell slot for the Shield.
- Yeah.
- Bugster misses.
- That's now going to be Misty.
- Cool.
- I would like to cast Dispel Magic
on young Master Matsui.
- Ooh.
- Ooh, let me double-check
this real quick.
- So if it's a third-level or lower,
the target, it just ends, and
if it's above a third-level,
it's DC 10 plus the spell's
level against my attack roll.
- You have to beat a DC 14.
- All right.
- Okay.
- Are you blessed or anything?
- No.
- Bardic, or-?
- I can't give myself, can I
give myself Bardic Inspiration?
I didn't think so, that
seemed like some bullshit.
- Nat 20, baby.
- Yes!
This f*ck' game!
You're kidding me, oh my God!
- You step in.
- Say good-bye.
- You were a good boy, Ricky.
- I'm just gonna be,
I'm still chinny rubbing
him as he transforms back.
- You see, Misty, you step in,
raise your hand aloft.
- What the f*ck?
- Shapechanging magic is your
bread and f*ck' butter.
You guys see, I mean like, the broken hip
and some scary stuff going on.
The wind kicks up and for a moment,
you guys see a face of Misty
that is not the fun, vivacious,
older, whip-smart person,
but a face of regal
beauty from a timeless age
and a land beyond dreaming,
and you lift the form of this animal,
and you guys see literally that like,
the dog turns brighter,
and as an image of light, just phew,
raises through the ceiling and vanishes
and Ricky's just where the dog was.
- I'm just naked.
- I'm sorry.
- Just ripped.
- I'm gonna say though,
I'm gonna roll something.
Ricky, your ears are a little bit
pointier than they used to be,
and you can smell a whole bunch of stuff
you didn't use to be able to smell.
- What happened?
- In-f*cking-credible.
- And then I'd like to, I mean,
I'd still like to take a move.
- Yes, absolutely.
There's a bunch of sh*t
going on over there.
- Yeah, yeah.
- If you wanna swap
that dog out for Ricky.
- Swap that dog out.
- Hot swap the dog out.
- Ricky, I'm floating above you.
- I mean, there's not
much I can do in here.
I guess I'll just hang out down here,
and then since I'm here,
I'm gonna say to Ricky,
Ricky, you made a great dog,
but you're an even better firefighter.
- I just cry a little bit.
- And he...
- Bardic Inspiration.
- You start crying, the axe-
Comes up off the ground into your hand.
It is your turn.
- Oh, did I miss anything?
I'm assuming not.
- Uh, nah.
- We'll catch you up later, go, go.
- There's a bugster
right through that door.
- The big bug disappeared.
- Did you see the big-
did you see the cat?
- I missed all of that, I think.
- Oh my God.
- I'm just gonna go through the door
and I guess, since the bug
hipster, the bugster right there
is right in front of me,
I'm gonna have to smack it.
- Yeah, hell yeah.
You go to the doorway.
The bug's just in the doorway.
Go ahead and take your attack.
- First one is like 24.
- That definitely hits.
- Second one is more.
- Hell yeah, go ahead and roll damage.
- Damage is 1d8, sorry.
- 1d8's right there, roll it.
- Nine and 12.
- f*ck yeah.
- Is that?
- Nine and 12.
- 21?
- Yeah.
- You see Ricky back in his full form.
God, he's a jacked dude.
Steps through the doorway and
he sees this bugster go like,
Oh, what's up, man?
Hey, so we're kind of super into
k*lling you guys right now.
Wham, your axe cleaves
his chest apart,
green goo flies everywhere.
This bugster is dead.
- Yes!
- Whoo!
- Always hated how you
make me feel a little dumb.
- Hell yeah, that's going
to be, you guys hear...
Boom, boom, boom.
And you hear a smash in the bodega
as the beetle
collapses into the store.
- That's now going to be,
that was the beetle, Kugrash, that's you.
- Sweet, okay.
I guess first thing's first,
I got a little bonus action,
so I'm gonna move the fireball
onto one of these little c*ck guys.
- Hell yeah.
- So they do a Dex save, or
the one guy does a Dex save.
- And takes eight if he doesn't save.
- Hell yeah, I don't think those guys
have been injured before, so yes,
you horribly burn one of them.
- Great, and then, you know what?
Let's keep, yeah, I'm gonna keep f*ck'
with this big guy over here.
I would like to Conjure Animals
and use it as a spell.
The last one was Rat King Crown.
I think it's up to you what I make,
but I'm thinkin' some kind of like,
stray dogs or stray cats
or something like that.
- Hell yeah.
- Like, I can do up to eight beasts
of Challenge Rating a quarter or lower,
so I would like to make eight.
- Eight beasts of Challenge
Rating quarter or lower.
- Yeah.
- Hell yes.
You see... Jesus.
- Or I could do two, like, beefy dogs.
I think a dire wolf might
be Challenge Rating one.
- Cool.
- That would be two.
- Hell yeah, I'm gonna say
that you go ahead and summon, yeah,
you summon some crazy stuff.
- An enormous f*cking spider
- Oh, hell yeah.
- jumps down and this
huge stray street mutt
comes running in from the outside
and begin to attack.
- Whoa.
- Go ahead and roll initiative for them.
They'll act on the same initiative.
- Sweet, 17 plus whatever their Dex is.
- Um, cool.
- Sick, sick.
- Tight, tight, tight.
- Hell yeah.
- Sick, sick.
- That's Kug.
These roaches 'bout to go.
These guys rush up here.
They're gonna take some swings at Ricky.
This guy gets away from the,
these two are coming for Kug, buh-buh-bum.
- Any of them within five feet of me,
the ones that go for Kug?
- Oh, there's one down there.
- There's one down here?
Oh, this one, yeah, here you go.
This guy's coming for Kingston.
These guys are coming for Misty.
Here we go, these two
are coming for Ricky.
They missed, these're coming for Kugrash.
- Do I get to hit the ones
coming for Kugrash if
they are within five?
- They're not.
Oh, they actually are
within five feet of you.
- Or I get maybe one?
- Whatever.
- Ricky, go ahead, one of
them goes to attack Kugrash.
You get a swing on it.
- All right.
Ooh, 19 plus, yeah.
- Yeah, huge, go ahead and roll damage.
- Uh, d8, where's a d8.
- k*ll 'em, please.
k*ll them, kid.
- Oh yeah, eight plus seven.
- Hah, decapitated.
You don't even look, you
just wail out behind you
and annihilate one of
these roaches, awesome.
That was the roach.
I'm actually gonna roll a
Luck check here real quick.
You just k*lled the roach that
otherwise would have scored
a nat 20 against Kugrash.
- I have no idea so I'm just like,
Eh, good job, kid, you k*lled a c*ck.
I'm gonna need a
Constitution check from you.
- All right.
- I'm blessed but I'm
not blessed in real life,
so I got an 11.
- Oh, yeah.
I guess my spells-
- 11 saves.
- Oh, good.
- My AC thing is gone, probably.
- Yes, Concentration thing, yeah.
You take seven points of damage.
- Okay.
- I need to, seven points of damage,
I need to maintain Concentration
to keep my dog and my spider.
- Go ahead and roll.
Go ahead and roll.
- Yeah, come on, baby, stay with me.
Is it a check or a saving throw?
- Saving throw.
- I can do blessing?
- Yeah.
- Great.
Truly incredible,
truly incredible.
- Off of a- rolled from a 20 to a two.
- I got a f*cking seven.
- You see that the spider
and dog both come in
and the dog goes, Kugrash, my mentor.
I've come to, ah, this guy's big!
And he turns and runs out the door.
The spider says, we
shall play another time,
Kugrash of the sewers.
I have answered your call, but
I am... too scared to fight.
- f*cking bums.
I'm your God damn druid.
- I think you should bring that spider
back again some time, I like him.
- Who was that f*cking hot-a*s spider?
- He's a f*cking punk.
He says he's gonna show up
and then he doesn't show up.
- Jack of all trades.
- Ooh, I like them.
- Sofia, it's gonna be you.
- Okay, so I want to sort of
listen to if I hear anyone on the ceiling.
I'm trying to figure out if Becky might be
up there through the roof.
- Give me a Perception check.
- Okay, it's gonna be...
Uh, 19.
- You don't think she's on the roof.
- Okay, then I am gonna run through here
and go through here.
- Okay.
- So, one, two, oh,
I'm gonna let them both get
opportunity attacks on me.
- Cool, you could also do
the Flurry of Blows thing
and do the, you know, like-
- Okay, I'll do that.
So I'm gonna come here and I'm gonna
Flurry of Blows one of them.
- Cool, make an attack.
- Okay.
Oh, I don't think I'm
gonna hit either one.
- Wow.
- Do you have Bardic, or?
- That is a one and a two.
- No, but I do get to
add, I'll add, let's see.
Let's go for the four for this one.
So does 14 hit?
- 14 does hit.
- Okay, what about 12?
- A 12 does not hit.
- Okay, well, I'll hit them with one.
And that's gonna be seven.
You hit the injured one, dead, pff.
- Sweet, and then I still
have two unarmed strikes.
Can I go at the other guy?
- Yeah, if you want.
- Yeah, okay, and then...
Oh, that's kinda crooked, but whatever.
Then I'll, okay, so I'll do...
So 19, yeah, they both
hit, let's just say that.
- Cool, hell yeah, go for it.
- And then,
Uh, 15.
- Toast, pff.
- Sweet, and then I'm gonna
use my Drunken Technique
to take a Dash and then hop through here.
- Whoa.
- Okay, so you Flurry, right?
- Yeah.
- So you don't take attacks of opportunity
and your speed, I think, plus 10.
Plus the 10 you get from the-
- So I'm 60.
- So that's five, 10, 15, 20-
- Oh, I can do Acrobatic,
if you want me to do Acrobatic check.
- So it's just five, 10, 15, 20.
Yeah, give me an Acrobatics
to clear the hole.
- Okay, so I got a 16.
Is she in here?
- She is not in there.
- God damn.
- What's in there?
- Oh, it's a pizza parlor.
- It's a pizzeria.
A little pizza parlor.
- Oh nice, get a slice.
- So, okay,
that's gonna be five,
- Jump in the-
- Jump into the next one.
- Go to the next hole.
- I want to go into here.
- Uh, 45, 50.
- sh*t, this is-
- Oh, we can't back you up, though.
- This is insane.
- That's okay.
- You get in the pub.
- Ooh, lively.
- Lively.
- Hell yes.
- Oh, you're in the kitchen?
- You're in the kitchen.
- What's in there?
- So that's gonna be, yeah,
you, give me one more Acrobatics.
- Okay.
- Hell yeah.
- I mean, I definitely make it.
- You are standing-
- On a lit stove?
- Not on a lit stove.
You're like, where can I get your figure-
- I can be on the stove.
- Cool, you're on the stove.
You look out and hear Becky,
over in this room, talking
to another bugster.
- I look through that little porthole
and I'm like, caught ya, b*tch.
- But you guys see like, you pow-pow-pow,
take out these two roaches,
and just, your Acrobatics now,
when you go through both of these holes,
you are not like parkour leaping.
You're more like just,
flinging your limp body.
- Can we say in one of them
I do like a home plate
slide through the ooze?
So I'm covered in ooze.
- Yes, absolutely.
- Oh, gross.
- Yes, you're like, pff.
You get through here.
There's like pizza people that
are all tied up in this room,
but there's no active mons-
There's like some little ones.
You get in here with
the big roach, though.
That's your movement and action.
Truly, what an insane move.
- Whoo!
- That's going to be-
- I think I beat my chest
and chug my CamelBak of wine.
- Hell yeah.
I'm gonna need you now to make a...
I'm gonna need you to make
another Constitution saving throw.
- Constitution, okay.
It's as good as it could be.
Okay... 16?
- 16.
- 16.
- One, two, three...
You take 22 points of damage.
- From that guy?
- From Becky.
- Oh.
- What are you at?
- Becky looks at you.
- Eight.
- Yeah, Becky looks at you and goes,
Um, you can not come in here!
This is trespassing, we're making a hive!
Sucks the water out of your body again.
- Oh, thank you.
I look so good.
- Good, God damn it.
It's like.
- And then Becky backs
over into this corner.
That's going to be Kingston.
- Kingston? Uh, okay.
Wow, wow, wow, there's a lot going on.
- Yeah, yeah.
- Me and Misty are trapped by bugs.
Everybody's about to have
to fight that big bug.
I guess I'll cast Sacred Flame
on the bug next to me.
- Okay.
- So it has to make a
Dexterity saving throw.
- It fails.
- Fantastic, I'll roll 2d8.
Six and seven, 13.
- You light this thing up, it is toast.
- All right, great, and then
can I move just down this way?
- Yeah, just take
six squares of movement.
- One, two, three,
four, five, six, there we go.
- Hell yeah, that's gonna be Pete.
- What is Dash again,
if I take a Dash action?
- It just means you're using your action
to move twice as far as normal.
- Oh okay, I'll do that to
get as further as I can.
- Cool, so you're gonna go like-
- If I'm floating, does
it add anything extra to my?
- You don't need to make
an Acrobatics check to
get through the hole.
- Cool, yeah, I'll do that.
- Cool, so this is gonna
be five, 10, 15, 20,
Yeah, you make it.
You're floating here, above the c*ck
in the kitchen with Misty.
That's your full turn,
that's your movement.
Unless you have a bonus action,
that's your movement and your action.
- I don't have a bonus
action, so uh, yeah.
- Hell yeah, cool.
- That is going to be the bugsters.
This dude rushes through,
boom, through the bathrooms.
He's gonna go one, two, three, four, five.
He's gonna take some swings at you, Pete,
flying up there near the roof.
- Cool.
- That's a miss.
That's a hit.
- Can I cast Shield
again, for five plus AC?
- Yes, you can.
- Then I would be up to 18.
- Okay, unfortunately,
bypasses the Shield.
He got higher than an 18.
- Wild Magic roll.
- Hm?
- Wild Magic.
- Oh, yeah.
- I'm gonna need you to make
a Constitution saving throw.
- Oh, okay, cool.
Seven, I'll use my Bardic.
- And your Bless.
- Another seven, so that's
- 17.
- And then what do I add, oh?
- You see that this bugster goes,
I've been getting really
into biting people recently.
And latches on, deals
you six points of damage.
- Okay.
- What are you at right now?
- Now I'm down to 13.
- That is bugster's turn.
Let me look if there's any
more bugsters left out there.
- Thank you for the Bardic.
- That's now going to be Misty.
- Um, hm.
I'm gonna just risk an
attack of opportunity
from these little buggy guys
and come 'round where-
- Where Kingston is?
- Where Kingston is, and
I would like to cast...
Phantasmal Force in front of this hole.
- Oh, awesome.
- And I would like to cast it
in the form of the building inspector,
and the building inspector is like,
No, no, buddy, there's asbestos in here.
Absolutely can't come in here.
- Hell yeah, does he make
a Wisdom save or something like that?
- It's an Intelligence save.
- Ooh, he's not very intelligent.
And if it's a human-shaped target,
a phantasm created to appear as a creature
can attack the target for 1d6
of psychic damage, as well.
- This beetle rolled a two,
which gives him a negative
two as his final roll.
- Oh, he's real dumb.
- He's real dumb.
Again, every person, every
phantasmal thing you make,
always looks like a
costumed version of it,
so there's a beautiful building inspector.
Like, young woman,
got a shining smile,
little official thing,
a little white hardhat, goes like,
Sir, you absolutely can't
be renovating in here!
You haven't gotten the proper clearances!
Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba!
Go ahead and roll damage.
- Five.
- Ooh!
- You see that the beetle goes like,
Ah, I'm sorry, I thought we
had everything checked out.
You know, I got these guys on retainer.
My crew, they wanna work, argh!
- And you see, incredible,
Ricky, it's gonna be you.
- I'm just gonna run
forward as far as I can go.
- f*ck yeah, dude.
- So I'll take, can I do...
- So that's
five, 10, 15, 20, 25, 30.
You can get 30 here.
Go ahead and make an Athletics check.
- Yeah.
Uh, that's, yeah.
- Hell yeah.
- 20.
So that's 40, 45.
- I'm gonna go through the left.
- Okay.
- Well.
- What's your health?
- I'm pretty good right
now, but I'm wondering if-
- Make one last Athletics check for me.
- Ooh, that one's only a nine.
- Okay, you do not clear this fin-.
There's some webbing here you gotta like,
slash away at a little bit.
- Cool.
- But you make it all the way there.
- Probably should have hailed y'all.
- Should have what?
- Hailed y'all.
- The beetle leaves this entrance
and begins to stalk down and
try to pummel through this way.
Let's see if it can even make
its way through the shelves.
- Oh, that's a nat one.
- Hah.
- You hear the beetle be like,
All right, all right, listen.
I'll find another way through.
And you hear a voice say,
You will find no other way through there.
My number one job is to make sure
that the little roaches don't eat
the Oreos and Kit Kats on the shelves.
And you hear the beetle go, ah, ah, ah!
As La Gran Gata does something horrifying
to this beetle in the other room.
- Yeah.
- Good baby.
- That's going to be, then it's Pete.
Oh, it's Ricky, Beetle,
Kugrash, that's you, baby.
- Sweet, I'm in this pathetic little duel
with this little guy.
I'm just gonna say, yeah, f*ck you, buddy.
And I spit on him and I'm
just gonna run away from him,
I get as far as I can get.
- You spit on a roach.
- f*ck you, buddy.
- He misses attack of opportunity.
- Oh, great.
- So you're gonna
go five, 10, 15, 20, 25.
That's as far as I can get.
Oh, you know what,
here's what I'm gonna do.
I'm gonna use my full
action to do a Dash action
to try to get through the hole.
- Yep.
- Um, cool, cool.
- Just go ahead and give me
Athletics or Acrobatics to
make it through the hole.
- Oh God.
Uh, Acrobatics, 18.
- Acrobatics is pretty good.
- Hell yeah, you scurry
your little rat a*s
all the way up here on
to the pizza parlor.
- Hell yeah.
- Are people in your aura now, are they?
- So now I wanna use a bonus action to,
I can move the aura 60 feet.
- f*ck yeah.
- So I wanna move it in
the middle of the room.
About here.
- Great, put it in the middle of the room.
These two roaches are coming for Sofia.
One of them hits.
I'm gonna need you to make
a Constitution saving throw.
- It's gonna be 18.
- 18, no poison damage.
You take six points of piercing damage.
Sofia, that's you.
- Okay, I am actually-
- There's a door right there.
- Yeah, I'm gonna burst through this.
I'm gonna cast Patient Defense.
I'm gonna use it, or cast, who am I?
I'm gonna use a Ki Point
for Patient Defense,
so I will be able to use a Dodge action,
and I just wanna jump through here and go,
and go after her.
- Gotcha, cool, cool.
Give me an Acrobatics to
move through enemy spaces.
- Okay.
- That is 21.
- Hell yeah, you easily
clear the movement.
You're on the bar here.
I'm gonna roll some attacks against you.
They got disadvantage, though.
- Wait, but I have Dodge.
- Dodge is not Disengage.
- I thought Dodge was-
- Dodge is everyone has disadvantage
to try to hit you for a turn.
- Oh, okay, sure, yeah, I'll do that.
- Cool. All of them miss.
- Yeah!
- Yeah, you have plenty of
movement left, you jump-
- And then I wanna go for her.
- You see that she's just
standing in the corner.
She's like getting the spell energy ready.
She goes, come on, we've
been fictional for so long.
We get to be real today.
Won't you let us be real?
- That is so heart-breaking,
but you can't take other
peoples' reality away to be real.
And then I f*ck' attack her!
Does a, okay, I'm assuming that a 25 hits.
- 25 hits.
- And then does a 20 hit?
- 20 does not hit.
- Ugh, okay, well, I'll
hit her once at least.
- Jesus Christ.
- Hit her for nine and then
I'm gonna use my left hook.
- Oh, I think she's...
- I think she's dead.
- Emily, I'm gonna stop you right here.
You run across,
you gear up, phew, you're
like, here it comes.
You get ready for this whole
f*ck' combo move bicycle
kick, you see that she gets
the spell energy ready,
and you swing out and you see,
you hear a voice in the
back of your head again,
once again say,
Hey, kid, knock 'em dead.
Whoom, the fist on your
golden ring glows bright,
Whoom, the fist on your
golden ring glows bright,
flame streaks off of your fist,
and you obliterate this
bug lady's f*ck' head.
- f*ck yeah.
- I'm looking through the hole
and I'm just like, awesome.
- But I'm so drunk that I don't know
that I did it, so I hit her dead body
for another 8.
- You see a kind of gruesome sight of just
Sofia pummeling this dead body.
You see that the bugs all begin to...
The bugs start to turn, like,
what were giant c*ck become like,
c*ck, beetles,
and now a rhino beetle,
but some other thing.
They become like chimeric and changing,
and they just float up
and you just see that the Umbral Arcana
begins to return and the
rent area begins to leave.
The beetle is totally
gone in the other room.
The bugsters, the roaches,
all of them vanish and disappear.
- Phew, what about the
people who are gummed up?
Can we free them, or have
they freed themselves?
- You can go and start freeing them.
All of them remember what they saw.
- Great.
- So they start going
like, What happened here?
There were bad bug people.
Is this a flash mob?
- Yeah, it's a flash mob of sorts.
- Yeah, Improv Everywhere,
you heard of them?
They're great guys.
- You see that one of them goes in
and you see that the Umbral Arcana
starts to like seep back in,
and you can tell that he
kind of doesn't believe it,
but he goes like, yeah,
yeah, those guys were crazy.
- You know the Impractical Jokesters?
On truTV, yeah.
- I love that show.
- This is an episode of Impractical-
It's those four, bunch of guys.
- It's a brand new viral campaign.
- "Jokesters"?
- I love truTV.
I love especially Adam Ruins Everything.
- Yeah.
- What a show.
- What a show.
- What a show, baby.
- Tune in.
- You see that they sort of wander out,
but you can tell they remember,
somewhere they remember.
- If I see any of them, I wanna be like,
Look, I just found out magic is real, too.
It's a real f*ck'... d*ck to the face,
if you know what I mean.
- A d*ck to the face.
- d*ck to the face?
- Where do you guys gather as the battle-
- Probably in the bodega.
- Yeah, why don't we
go to that cool bodega?
- What's that ring?
What's that ring, Sofia?
- Yeah, it sounds like
there was swords and stuff, right?
- Yeah, what's up with this
mirror that I pocketed?
- You guys leave.
You guys see that, as you guys go back,
you see that La Gran Gata
is there waiting for you
in the bodega, going-
- La Gran Gata, I pledge myself to you.
- You pledge yourself to me?
- Yeah, do you take pledges?
- I have not in the past, but...
- Well, you got one now.
- Mm, your service is honorable.
Can I jump up into your arms
and you do chin scratchies?
- Oh my God, yes.
- You see, vroom, the cat jumps up,
snuggles into your shoulder, and goes,
You are a valiant servant.
And I like to nuzzle your shirt.
You don't mind if I get
some of my hairs on it?
- La Gran Gato- Gata, you
can do whatever you want.
- She's gonna f*ck that cat.
- She is insanely drunk.
- She is gonna f*ck that cat.
- Yeah, you guys are in the bodega.
It's covered in treasures.
La Gran Gata looks
over, however, and says,
Something is missing from
the shelves of the bodega.
- Oh, you gave me the ring.
- Yeah, you gave me this mirror.
- No. Something else...
- Oh no.
- f*ck.
- Oh no, did the c*ck take something?
- You look up and you guys see
a shattered piece of glass on the back
that was like a display
case, an ornate display case,
and underneath it, it says,
written in gold, The Key to the City.
- In a bodega?
- Do you think-
- And what is wrong with a bodega?
- No, nothing, no, truly nothing, it just-
- These stores are the
pillars of communities.
- Totally, I get all my meals-
- You can get a bacon, egg, and cheese
and a coffee for like $2.50.
- I create water on the
small burning parts of it.
- You start to put out the fires.
- Just being careful,
just gotta be careful.
- You see that the cat's
eyes are this beautiful,
again, heterochromia of
like a blue and green eye.
- You're really magic.
Can I ask you a very selfish favor?
- Ask away.
- I want two different
color eyes like you.
Is that a magic capability?
- That's what you're gonna ask?
- Shh.
- You drunk b*tch.
- You see that the cat smiles, reaches up,
and says, to administer
this most powerful of magic,
I need to lick your nose.
- Lick away.
- The texture of my
tongue is very sandpapery.
Are you sure it will not discomfort you?
- No, anything to get those
two different color eyes.
- She's f*cking, she's really
making out with that cat.
- Now, you see, your eyes
are two different colors.
You have one brilliant blue
and one bright green eye.
- Oh my God, I'm Bowie.
- Hey, I'm sorry, cat?
Did you say that the
key to the city is gone?
- Many treasures we
have here in the bodega.
Ancient wonders of worlds beyond dreaming.
We also have h* h*s and the entire line
of Hostess cake products.
- Fantastic.
- Can I cast Locate Object?
- You can.
- Whoa.
- Ricky, you feel the key
moving quickly away, across
the bridge to Manhattan.
- It can't be any of these
guys because they disappeared.
- You have much work ahead
and I need to take a nap.
I'm a very sleepy cat.
Good luck, adventurers.
And that's where we're gonna stop
on this episode of The Unsleeping City.
- Hey, what the f*ck is going on?
- What was that, what was that?
- Real peoples' lives are at stake.
- It's okay, okay.
- You tellin' me you were a
faithful voice to the city?
- I am faithful, I was faithful,
I would have continued to be faithful.
- Nat 20.
- Come on, toots.
- Okay.
- The most beautiful
dalmatian in the world
starts running.
- Yes!
- Arf, arf, arf.
- You're asking me to choose
between New York City or Pete?
I choose New York City.
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03x06 - The w*r of Bugs and Rats
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A tabletop role-playing game show produced by and broadcast on Dropout and created and generally hosted by Brennan Lee Mulligan as the show's regular Dungeon Master.
A tabletop role-playing game show produced by and broadcast on Dropout and created and generally hosted by Brennan Lee Mulligan as the show's regular Dungeon Master.