[whooshing]
[mystical music]
[quill scratching]
- Hello, friends, and welcome.
We're here at Dimension
called "Misfits and Magic"!
[cheering]
We're here!
[shouting]
[laughing]
I am your game master, Aabria Iyengar,
and with me are my Magical Misfits.
Say hi, Magical Misfits!
- [Group] Hi, Magical Misfits!
- Oh, that felt really good to do.
- Mm-hmm.
- All right.
We've got Lou Wilson.
- Hi, my name's Lou Wilson.
I'll be playing Whitney Jammer.
Is that good?
[laughing]
Should I say more?
- Yeah, no that's okay.
- Can I say more?
- No, it's great.
- Great.
- Right at the camera.
- That seems right to me.
- That was good.
Erika Ishii.
- Hi, I'm Erika Ishii,
and I'm playing xX_BrokenDream_Xx.
[laughing]
AKA, Dream.
- Danielle.
- Hi, I'm Danielle Radford
and I'm playing Sam Black.
[laughing]
- And newcomer to the AP
community, Brennan Lee Mulligan.
- Hi, I'm Brennan Lee Mulligan,
and I'll be playing Evan Kelmp.
[snickering]
- It begins.
- It begins.
- Oh!
This is gonna be great.
All right.
A couple things you need to
know before we get started.
It's not "Dungeons & Dragons".
We are using the "Kids on Brooms" system.
So, I'm gonna explain
it to y'all really fast
so you can keep along at home.
"Kids on Brooms" has six stats.
It's Fight, Flight, Brains,
Brawn, Grit, and Charm.
And it uses the full polyhedral array,
absent the percentile dice,
which just means it's all seven
except for that one with
the double zeros on the D10
that no one understands anyway.
- Never liked him.
- Yep!
- I don't know her.
- Are the zeros high or low?
- No one knows!
What's all zeros?
Is that 100, is that zero?
We don't worry about that here.
So, you have one die that's associated
with each of your stats.
Whenever you need to make a roll,
I will set the difficulty for it
and you will roll your die
associated with that stat.
If it's a magical spell,
you'll be adding your
Magic D4 along with it,
and you're taking the sum total,
you're trying to meet
or beat my difficulty.
These dice are very cool
in that if you roll the highest number
on the die that you're rolling,
it's called a Lucky Break
and you get to roll again,
add 'em up, sum total.
If you beat the difficulty
by more than five,
then something extra good happens.
If you fail by more than five,
something interesting happens.
And there's a little
house rule we're adding
to our "Kids on Brooms" game,
which is called the
Common-f*cking-Sense Die.
It's a D6, so whenever
you use normal logic
to deal with wizard ridiculousness,
you add your D6, it becomes a die pool,
and we will proceed accordingly.
There's also Adversity tokens.
We love to fail forward here,
so any time you miss a
roll, you fail a roll,
you get an Adversity token
that you can spend one for one
to boost a future die roll,
or on special abilities that you all have
that we'll see over time.
So, with that in mind.
- That was tight, that was tight.
- Thank you!
- That was real tight.
That was good.
- Incredibly solid.
- Thank you.
- I feel like I honestly,
that was the refresher I needed.
[laughing]
I honestly didn't read the core rule book
before showing up today,
so this was great.
- Thank you.
- Now I know what any of this means.
- I will forget all of this immediately.
- Perfect.
We love asking questions,
so feel free to ask away.
And with that, we will
dissolve into the story
of "Misfits and Magic".
And we begin with an owl,
a big beautiful brown owl
with flecked white feathers
soaring across the Chicago skyline
headed towards the South Side
where Whitney Jammer...
Where would this owl find
you at like, 3:00 p.m.?
- Bro, you know I'm on the field.
Or actually, probably in the gym.
It's probably basketball practice.
So, we're out here running drills.
We need to place point guard for the team,
so yeah, Whit is probably out here
just practice passing drills,
and you know, basketball sh*t.
[laughing]
- That's all of 'em.
- Just general basketball sh*t.
Lots of sweat, lots of screaming,
lots of, "Two, two!"
Yeah.
- Yeah.
You're practicing your
triangle offense, we love it.
- Of course. You know it.
- You post up, down at the base...
You should never be there, but it's okay.
Strike that, you're doing a Mikan Drill,
'cause I do know basketball,
and while you're up under the rim,
you hear a little tapping
[tapping]
as you see an owl carrying
something square in its beak
up in a far, high window.
- Yeah, I hold the ball,
I raise my hand to stop the drill,
and I go, "Ay, yo, look at
that big-a*s bird up there!"
[laughing]
- The entire gym...
You're on the varsity team,
but JV and frosh/soph are also in there,
and when you speak, the entire gym...
I don't know why your coach is just like,
"I respect Jammer on this."
We all stop, everyone looks up,
and as attention turns up to the window,
that owl just [trills]
and dives out and away
and is not perceived by
the rest of the group.
- Hey, y'all see that?
Y'all see that big-a*s?
- "No, I didn't see."
- Roger, you didn't see that big-a*s bird?
- "No.
Dude, why are you looking out a window?
We have a big game.
What are you-"
- No, yeah, of course, of course,
yo, we've gotta beat Jefferson,
but you didn't see?
That was a big bird.
We don't...
Bro.
- "We don't...
Yeah, there's not birds."
- We don't have
birds around here.
- "Is it like a pigeon?"
- Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, it was-
- "I saw a big pigeon with
a Cheeto earlier today."
- Yo, that's some crazy sh*t, right?
- "Yeah."
- Do you think that pigeons
got preferences around food?
Do you think there are
some pigeons that are like,
"I like Cheetos," and then
there are other pigeons
who are like, "I like Fritos,"
and then the other pigeons are like,
"I don't f*ck with Doritos"?
- "You know what?
I've never seen a pigeon eat
a Taki, so I feel like maybe."
- Maybe that's a thing.
- "Yeah. Maybe it's a thing.
They don't like spicy."
- But this was not a pigeon,
bro, this was a bigger bird.
- "Yo, why don't we take a
water break or something?
'Cause you feel really hung up on this
and I need you to get
your head in the game."
- The fact that nobody else saw this,
I'ma go check outside.
- "Yeah."
- Ay-
- "If you wanna run by
like, just the dirt,
just something, you-"
- Bro, it's not like that.
It's not like that.
- "Stay hydrated, friend."
- Yeah, of course.
- "Cool."
- Yeah, you know what?
I'm gonna go get a
Gatorade, clear my head,
we'll get back here, you
know, work, keep running sh*t.
Yeah, and I step outside
to drink a Gatorade
and make sure that I saw what I saw.
- Yeah.
Basically the moment you step outside,
the entire gym sort of re-erupts
into full-focused drills,
and you see, as you step out and away
and out of the eye line of the door,
just an owl that goes
up to your knee height
is standing on the ground,
looks at you, gives you a little wink,
and then waddles over.
- Oh, damn.
Hey, I'm sorry I don't have any
Cheetos or sh*t on me to feed you.
- It fluffs up.
- You're real, right?
Can I?
I reach out and touch the owl.
- The owl definitely does that,
tries to turn its head
away, but doesn't lean out,
so you're able to touch
the side of its head.
- I immediately-
- And it just sort of freezes.
- Retract my hand and I'm like,
oh, sh*t, you ain't
supposed to touch birds,
but I just wanna make sure.
- It waddles a little
closer and then drops
the massive envelope in
its mouth at your feet.
- I, is this for me?
- [sighs] It sighs.
- Oh, yeah, it is?
Okay.
Is there anything on the letter?
Does it have, like-
- Yeah.
So, you're holding this really
intricate vellum envelope
that's sealed with a navy blue wax seal
with a pair of hands
with some stars in 'em,
it's got glitter and sh*t
in it, it's really cute.
- I think this is easily
the most elaborate
piece of mail Whitney has ever seen,
and it's just like, am
I supposed to open this?
This is too nice.
This seems way too nice to open.
- The owl just sort of gives a little.
- Right, okay.
I'm gonna rip it open and
pull out its contents.
- Yeah, you pull out
an intricately-folded
piece of parchment that,
as you unfold it, the spacial
dimensions on it are wild,
and it turns to this long,
two-foot-long scroll of parchment.
And the moment you start to read it,
you actually hear a female voice
as the owl opens is mouth
and speaks along with it.
And if you're looking down and looking up
it's kind of going back and forth.
It keeps cadence with
however you're reading this,
and it just says, "Congratulations
on your acceptance
to the Galpenny Academy
of the Arcane Arts.
Your magical potential,
latent though it may be,
has been noted, and you
are invited to attend
the upcoming school year slated
to begin on September 1st.
As you've been up to this point classified
as a non-magical person,
two important things must happen quickly.
First, if your non-magical parents,
family, or guardians have been
alerted to this development,
they must sign the
release waiver, contained,
that both consents to your attendance
and the requisite memory spell
that maintains the secrecy
of the magical world.
Failure to comply will result in intrusive
and unpleasant mage intervention.
Second, please use the
enclosed teleportation pellet
at your earliest availability.
It will transport you to
a magical neighborhood
adjacent to the departure
train to Galpenny,
and I, Headmistress Boudicca Philtrum,
will personally escort you
as you acquire vital school
supplies for the term.
If you choose to forego this
once in a lifetime opportunity
for a life of quiet mundanity,
please burn this letter and
forget it ever happened.
Thank you."
- Boudicca?
[snickering]
Is that...
Boudicca's a name? All right.
- And the owl very specifically
makes eye contact with you,
and once you're locked in
it just [coughs softly].
- Are you all right?
- And it barfs out an owl pellet.
- Oh, sh*t.
[laughing]
Am I supposed to touch that?
- It takes a step back.
- Hell no, dog.
Hell no, I ain't gonna touch that.
I ain't gonna touch
the thing you threw up.
No!
[Aabria trills]
No, I ain't gonna touch it!
- It goes over
and kicks it at you.
- I'm not gonna touch it, man, stop.
All right, sh*t.
sh*t.
Whitney immediately checks his pockets
for any sort of napkin, and
of course there is not one
[laughing]
'cause I'm at basketball practice,
and he's just gonna reach down
and pick up this wet owl pellet.
- Yep, hot, wet, and warm.
- Oh my god.
Whitney immediately puts it in his pocket.
Don't tell anybody I picked that up.
- The moment you...
It mean mugs you back.
- Man, ay, what?
What, owl?
What?
- And it starts to turn, its head turns.
- All right, all right,
I ain't trying to fight
no big bird right now.
So, I'm going to...
I got in to this private-a*s school?
- [hoots] And it takes off,
and as it sort of unfurls its wings,
you see this thing has
a six-foot wingspan.
It is massive, and it just
takes off and flies away.
- Whit is gonna take a second,
just kinda looking at the letter,
looking up at this big
bird as it flies away.
[sighs]
Man, private school is f*ck' weird.
[laughing]
And is gonna walk inside.
I'ma ask everyone to circle up real quick.
- The coach is like, in
the middle of a drill.
- Coach, Coach, Coach, hold up, hold up.
I need to talk to everybody.
- "Can I come, too?"
- Yeah, of course.
- "Oh, okay, cool.
All right, come on, everybody."
And they all circle up around you like,
"All right, slam this plan, let's go."
- Hey, so, you know,
I love playing with y'all,
you know I love my time here,
but you know, I'm all about
making it happen, you know?
It's what we all want,
and I'm trying to do
what's best for myself,
and you know, I feel like sometimes,
you know, Coach, I love you,
but sometimes I feel like
I'm coaching the team
and you're just kinda hanging out.
- "I do feel that also."
- Yeah, yeah.
[laughing]
So, you know, I've been looking...
I was talking to my moms
about going to private schools
with some of the better programs,
and you know, this isn't one
of the ones I applied to,
but that big bird just told me
that I got into a dope-a*s private school
that I'ma be teleported to
with a woman named Boudicca.
[laughing]
I guess this is how I say-
- "Yo, did anyone give him a concussion?
What is happening?"
- Nah, nah.
No, the big bird is real, I talked...
You wanna see some sh*t? You
wanna see some real sh*t?
Y'all wanna see some real sh*t?
I picked up...
It threw up this nasty
sh*t and I picked it up
and I touched it, all right?
This is some real sh*t.
- As you waggle it, a vole skull
drops off of the edge of it
and hits the ground.
- See?
This is some-
- "Yo!
Okay.
Don't have that in here.
What are you...
Go away.
Get...
You know what? You need to go home.
Go home."
- All right.
Yeah, you know what?
I need to take the day.
- "Take your little...
The bit that fell...
Ew."
And you just see a bunch of dudes
daintily try to kick it without
getting their shoes dirty.
- Yeah, hey man, yeah.
Get that...
Nah, I don't want it either.
- "I don't like that."
- I pick it up and put it...
I don't think that's an
essential piece of the letter,
but okay, yeah, I'ma get out of here
'cause it said I gotta get
something signed by my moms anyway.
But I'll see y'all.
Y'all keep practicing.
Let's make sure we gotta get
that triangle offense tight
for Jefferson on Saturday.
I still am gonna finish
out the year with y'all,
but you know, next year
I'ma be at the bird school.
- "Okay.
Well, I'm very happy...
No, no, no, I heard about this before
where you have to go
with it for a little bit
so they feel better.
I'm very happy for your bird school."
- Hey, thank you, man.
This is exciting stuff, dude.
- "This is very nice for you."
- This is big.
They keep talking about
me as being magical.
I'm one with the rock, so,
this is just real stuff-
- One of the freshmen starts to cry,
like, "I looked up to you!"
[laughing]
- Dude, I mean, it's probably not further
than Highland Park, right?
That's like, 30 minutes away, all right?
I'll take the bus back
all the time and sh*t.
[crying]
Hey, come here.
I give...
Hey, everybody, come here.
Come here, come here.
- "Yeah, okay."
- I have everyone, and I put my hand in
for one of those big, you know-
- "Yeah, let's do it."
- Those big hands in.
I mean, hey, we're always
gonna be family here, right?
- "Uh-huh."
- Right?
The bonds we made playing together
on this team, that's real.
The games we played, the sweat, the blood,
they can't take that
away from us, all right?
So, I want Madison on
three, Family on six.
One, two, three-
- [Aabria And Lou] Madison!
- Four, five, six.
- [Aabria And Lou] Family!
- "I forgot the second
part, I'm so sorry."
- It's tough 'cause you
get really hype at Madison
and then you forget that
we're gonna count up to six.
- "Yeah.
I'm new, so, yeah."
- Hey man, you've got a lot of potential.
- "Oh, that means a lot to me,
and I would feel better if
you didn't talk about magic
and then you were holding
a poop in your hands."
- Man, all right.
This is weird sh*t.
But hey, private school
is crazy, all right?
They got juice and sh*t in the fountains,
so I think that's the thing.
- "You should bring
some juice back, though.
When you come to visit, bring some juice."
- Bro, you don't think I'm
going in with a couple bottles
to take that fountain juice home with me?
- That little freshman runs off
and comes back with a Gatorade bottle,
empties out some water.
"Bring back juice."
- Bro, I'ma fill this up
with juice from our water fountains.
- "Yes, all right.
Juice on three?
No, that's weird."
- No, we can do it.
- "Okay, juice on three."
- Juice on three,
Madison on six, Family on nine.
- "Oh, sh*t.
Oh god!"
- Keep it...
All right, here we go.
- "Okay."
- [Aabria And Lou] One, two, three, juice!
- Four, five, six-
- [Aabria And Lou] Madison!
- Seven, eight, nine-
- [Aabria And Lou] Family!
- "Yeah!"
- Yeah!
- "I love 'The Fast and the Furious',
I knew I could do the last one."
- Hell yes you could!
- "Yes!"
- All right, y'all, I'ma
go home 'cause I got a date
with a woman named Boudicca.
And I'm gonna grab my bag, my ball,
and head out and head back home.
- The freshman starts to
cry a little bit again,
confused by the end of that.
- Hey man, it's gonna be all right.
It's gonna be all right.
- [crying] "It's okay,
just go!"
- Yeah, yeah.
- "You left on a strong
moment, and honor that.
God."
- It's just,
every time you cry I feel
like I need to come back.
- "No, just go!"
- I don't want you
to be crying when I leave.
- "Go!"
- Okay.
All right, all right.
- "I also realize I put
my hand on your hand
and you touched the bird thing
and I also don't feel good about that."
- Man, come on.
- "Does anyone have Purell?"
And he just walks away.
- [sighs] Yeah, Coach, we
gotta get Purell in here.
- "Don't tell me what to do?
Are you at this school anymore?
Get out!"
- I mean...
You know what?
You know what?
I'ma go home.
And yeah, I walk out and go
catch the bus back to my crib.
- Nice.
And as you head out and away,
we follow another identical owl,
massive tawny flying across,
and you see the Space
Needle across its wings
as it heads over to the home of
Karen Tanaka.
- Karen is in her bedroom.
There's posters of My
Chemical Romance on the walls.
[rock music]
There's a multi-monitor setup
with all the RGB lights.
She's currently typing furiously,
responding angrily to some tweet
from somebody else in the
"Steven Universe" community.
[laughing]
- "All I'm saying is, if
the gems could be dudes,
what would they look like?"
- Oh my god, no!
It's total erasure
of all these incredible female characters.
I can't even...
And suddenly the owl
slams into the window.
[slamming]
[gasping]
- The owl kind of picks itself up,
you see one pupil's kinda
blasted and the other...
It's a little concussed.
Kinda gets up. [exhales]
It has a massive envelope in its beak
and it sort of taps lightly on
the window trying to like...
It's a freshly cleaned window,
so it is absolutely stymied
by what's happening.
It kind of keeps looking at you,
tapping the window, and waiting.
- I throw up the window and
I look around, and I go.
It happened.
My owl is here.
[bright music]
Yes.
I always knew I was special.
- It slowly releases the
envelope from the beak
and then kind of backs away from you.
- This is it.
Yes.
Yes
she opens it slowly, reverently,
taking a moment to stop
by and post a status,
saying, "f*ck you guys."
[laughing]
"I always knew magic was real!"
And logging, just logging
out of the account forever.
- Yup.
- She opens up the envelope,
peruses the letter inside.
- As you begin to read it,
the owl also begins to
give the same speech,
and then you hear halfway
through, a knock on your door.
"Sweetie, what's that-"
- What is it, Janet?
- "You know I don't like
when you call me Janet.
Mom, mother."
- Parental unit.
- "Weirder, but I will accept that.
Your TV's a little loud.
What's going on?"
- Ugh.
You wouldn't get it, okay?
Just stay out of my business!
- "Whoa, that's a lot of...
Do you wanna talk about...
I'm coming in."
- No, don't come in!
- "I knocked, I respected your boundary,"
and she opens up the door and your mom,
she looks like you, but
with a nice high bun.
She's wearing all of her
nice little pantsuit.
Both your parents are professors
at the University of Washington,
so she kind of just comes
in and sits on your bed
and gives you a little pat,
and is looking right at you,
and it's not until she sits down
that she looks over and sees a massive owl
standing in the window sill.
"Oh, god! [laughs]
What?"
- I got accepted into the magical school
that I told you that I'd
probably get my letter for.
It's a little late, but
you know, it's here,
and so that's probably
gonna happen, you know?
'Cause I'm special and cool.
- "Sweetie, did you rent
an owl on the internet?"
- No, Mother, I did not
rent an owl on the internet.
- "Oh."
- There are strict
handling laws in Seattle.
[Brennan laughs]
- "The fact that you know
that is very upsetting.
Mo, can you come in here?
Our daughter has an owl."
And you hear running into the room,
your dad slides in like,
"Hey, hey, sweetie.
Oh, oh, oh.
What are we doing?
What is this?"
- An acceptance to a magical school.
You know?
- "Is that a craft?
I'm very proud of you.
Artistic expression is so important.
It's like all your piercings
and the tattoos that you've got."
- God, why do you have to
be so lame all the time?
- "What? I just thought
we talked about this."
- Look.
Respect my boundaries, please.
- "No touching."
- Respect that you don't
understand what's going on.
Just because you see it on
the TikTok doesn't mean-
- "I have a TikTok, there's five...
I have five friends."
[laughing]
- Your content is solid, yes.
[laughing]
- "Thank you."
- That's beside the point.
I'm going to a magical school
and you can't stop me.
- "We would never stop you if
you went to a magical school.
What's this really about?
Are you getting bullied at school?
Is that what's happening?
Do we-"
- No!
I'm doing most of the
cyberbullying, thank you very much.
- "Please don't be a bully.
Don't do that.
Do we need to do something
with the internet?"
- Okay, I'm sorry, I misspoke.
It's less bullying and more
keeping people accountable.
- "Mm.
You know what-"
- In a very aggressive
and effective manner.
- "No, I hear you, and it's
funny because all of those...
I understand that growing up around us
you have a certain set of
terminology that you like.
Right words, wrong attitude?
Is that a thing I can say?
It just doesn't feel quite
right the way you've said that,
though I feel like I should agree."
- I'm gonna check with the group chat
if that is acceptable language.
- "Okay.
Go ahead and check with the group chat.
But let's address the, you have a paper,
there's a fowl, a wild
animal in the window."
- Well look.
- "What do I do?"
- I mean, here.
Look.
This is...
It seems legit, you know?
- "Yeah."
- And come on, it's just
like I always talked about
on the forums, you know?
When I was 11 and I was
like, "Where's my owl?
I should be getting accepted
to this magical school-"
- "We should not have let her on-"
- Clearly I'm different and cool
and so much darker than my peers.
I deserve this.
- "You're not very dark...
Not that colorism is a problem,
but you're inside most of the time.
You're not actually that dark."
- Yeah, I'm conducting
important crusades online.
- "Crusade?
Don't like that word either."
[laughing]
And as your father goes
and starts reading,
the moment he picks up at the top,
the bird begins again and
your mother lets out a sound.
[cheerful music]
I don't know if you hear it right away,
but the dogs in the neighborhood
start to just howl as she's
just staring down the owl like.
[laughing]
"What?
The owl's talking!
Please, why?
What?"
- I mean, come on,
you went to all the "Harry Potter" movies
with me and everything.
- "Yes, but those are movies
and that's, oh my f*ck, that's..."
[laughs exasperatedly]
- Pull it together, Janet.
- "Okay, you're handling this too well.
I think I'm taking this the right way.
Maurice!
Why are you still...
Okay, okay, okay." [breathing heavily]
- Look, I'm sure that whatever this is,
it is going to bring out
my latent dark witch abilities, right?
All of my years of praying
to the Lord Lucifer
are finally paying off for me.
- "I feel like setting
intention is important,
I don't feel great about the...
Well, now I think maybe it's."
[sighs]
- Look, I did okay in school,
I went along with all the
normals and everything
for as long as it was convenient,
but this is a great opportunity for me.
And I know that you're
anxious for me to, you know,
follow my calling, whatever that may be,
we value education in this family,
but that, you know, it's
really up to me in the end.
- "You're right."
- So, this is my choice.
I'm clearly going to wherever...
Where is it?
Where did you say this was?
And I turn to the owl.
- And as your dad goes back to read it,
the owl addresses you.
"Galpenny Academy of Arcane Arts."
- Galpenny Academy of Arcane Arts.
[sighs]
I bet that I'm gonna get
a ton of cool powers,
like Wanda from "WandaVision".
[laughing]
- "I knew she was too young
to let her watch that.
Maybe the watching is what did it."
And your mom just kind of...
She doesn't quite swoon, but
she sits back on the bed,
takes a little bit of a
pose to compose herself,
and they continue to listen as the owl
and the letter explain.
And they're like, "What do
you mean, a memory spell?
What?"
[slow music]
- I sit down on the
bed next to them, like,
look, Janet, Maurice-
- "I don't like...
Please, Mother."
- Mom, Dad.
- "Thank you.
Thank you."
- I really want this.
My entire life I have felt
just very different from everybody else.
I'm very, very different,
and that sets me apart
and makes me unique and very creative.
- "Yes, you have very good self-esteem."
- Yes.
And I just, you know, I
can visit home and stuff
and we can have curry
nights and stuff still.
But you know, you have to respect
my boundaries and everything, and-
- As you say "Boundaries,"
they both tackle you for a hug
and just start crying.
- Mom, Dad...
- "If they make us forget you,
you have to k*ll them all
with your magic." [sobbing]
- Don't worry, I'll do
a ton of magic k*lling.
- "We love you so much
and we're gonna ignore
that last bit you said."
And as they kind of just dog pile you
with love and support and acceptance,
[Erika groaning]
We move out and away as
the owl sort of backs away
and takes off again.
And a different owl a
little bit farther south
comes across the ocean
and into the port town
of Portland, Oregon,
where this owl is looking
for one Samantha Butler.
- So, Sam is hanging out
in her streaming room.
She's got her microphone.
It used to be where her
mom kept all the stuff
from her multilevel marketing scheme
where she sold tights to her
friends from high school.
So, you can still see the tights
and all the things in boxes
that her mom has tried to sell.
There's some vitamins
just everywhere.
[laughing]
But you can see neatly carved out
with all of those behind,
Sam is doing a mukbang while she talks
to all of her many followers.
And she is eating, for no good reason
other than everyone else is doing it,
she's eating a meal of
sausages, rice, and cucumbers,
and she has an idea of
why everyone is doing it,
but she's just gonna let that pass.
[laughing]
So, Sam is eating her cucumber
so that you can really get the crunch in,
just real obnoxious like, [crunching]
and people love it, and it
makes them feel so relaxed.
And taking little nibbles of her rice
and telling everyone
about her day at school,
which it went really well.
She doesn't know if she has
to go to summer school yet,
but hopefully she can
because that would be so much
new good content, you guys.
And so, she is in the middle
of taping this mukbang.
- And mid cucumber crunch,
so loud you can't hear
a massive feathered situation
land on your windowsill,
and before it taps it kind of looks,
and you see it narrow its eyes
with this intense intelligence
as it sees on the back in
your depth of field Twitch,
it says "Sam Black", and the bird is like,
"I know what I was told.
That looks like her."
This bird will be out
here for a good 20 minutes
trying to figure out what's going on
before it finally gets brave
enough to give a little tap.
- Oh, sh*t!
Sam sees the bird.
She looks kinda confused, so
she walks up to the window.
She doesn't open it yet,
but she just kind of watches the bird,
seeing what bird things it's doing.
- It's kind of staring and appraising you.
- Oh, it's judging me?
- Yes.
- Oh, who are you to judge me?
You think you're better than me, bird?
Sam opens up the window.
- What's your mic situation?
Were you using an ASMR mic?
I just wanna know if
the chat's like, "What?
What's happening?
- A binaural mic.
- Oh, okay, cool.
- Because you really
need to hear the crunch
from the left and the right side.
- Yes, yes.
- That's how it pumps
itself into your ears
and gives you the tingles.
- Sweet.
But the gain's not high enough
for them to understand,
and your entire chat
has gone into slow mode,
the mods have switch it to slow mode.
They're like, "Is she about to die?
Is someone breaking in?
Oh no."
Your follower count is sh**ting up,
you're on the front page of Twitch now
'cause everyone's like,
"I think we're about
to see this girl get m*rder*d live.
What's happening?"
[laughing]
It's blown up immediately.
They can't quite see
the bird out of frame.
It's not in the shot as it's.
- So, I go over.
Sam opens up the window and
then stands back with arms up.
[Lou clapping]
[laughing]
'Cause that bird is judging.
We cool?
And Sam is backed up now,
maybe to the point where the camera
might be able to catch her, I don't know.
- You actually look over
and see that this bird
has scoped your situation
and is staying very
specifically where it is.
It's out of the frame.
- Oh.
What?
You thought you were big and bad,
you come into my apartment,
you come into my little
room here and what?
You can't follow me?
- [coughs softly] Drops the envelope.
- Ew.
Ah.
Sam walks over, sees the envelope,
grabs it, looks over at it.
Oh, I like that font.
Maybe I'll get that in my new intro.
That's really nice, I like
all the glitter and stuff,
that's cute, that's cute.
Then Sam opens up the envelope,
is like, oh, so you're like a raven
bringing good tidings and news?
- This bird looks...
You know what? No.
This is gonna be the first roll.
[laughing]
Please make a Brains roll for me.
- Oh no.
- Difficulty of five.
- Oh, buddy.
I mean, it's a four.
- It explodes!
- Explodes!
- Explodes!
Roll again!
- You can hit the five.
- You actually have.
You do no matter what.
- You will no matter what,
hit the five.
- A four again!
- It's a four again!
[cheering]
- It explodes!
Does it explode again?
Roll again?
- Go again!
- Keep rolling!
- Oh my god,
oh my god-
- A hot streak!
- Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god.
Two.
- 10.
- For a total of 10.
In this moment-
- That's the smartest any
of us are ever gonna get.
- This bird. [laughs]
[Brennan groans]
You understand exactly...
This bird is operating at
your precise wavelength.
And wordlessly you know it's like,
"Did you just call me a f*cking raven?
Oh my god.
I didn't ask you out loud if
you were streaming on Mixer."
[gasps]
[laughing]
"Yeah, excuse me."
- It's BIGO now, excuse me.
- "I don't even know what that is.
Do you understand me right now?"
- I think I talk to birds now.
- "Oh, sh*t."
- Oh, I'm sorry, mods.
Thank you for handling the chat.
I'm talking to this bird.
[laughing]
- The bird ducks away, leaning.
- F, F.
- Hella back out the window.
- Fs in the chat.
Just the whole time.
[laughing]
[Brennan sighs]
- Fs in the chat.
So, I open up the envelope.
- And as you start to read,
you actually, there's
a little footed talon
kind of pushes it down
and looks at you like,
"Girl, maybe stop streaming right now."
[laughing]
- [sighs] I walk over.
Oh my god, you guys,
I'm so sorry about that.
There's a bird, and it's being real buck,
but I think it's gonna be fine,
I think we've reached an understanding.
So, I will see you all here tomorrow.
Thank you so much for hanging out,
I have had so much fun.
Make sure to like and subscribe
and I will talk to you all
once I'm done dealing with my bird stuff.
Bye!
[laughing]
- #BirdStuff starts trending on Twitter.
- Yeah!
- Whitney for sure watched that.
Whitney for sure got a text
from somebody being like,
"Yo, girl about to get
m*rder*d by bird on Twitch,"
and for sure watched the whole thing.
- Oh man.
And the moment you power down the stream
the bird steps into the window,
walks over, stands next
to some of the cucumber,
looks at you, looks at
the cucumber like...
- Okay, fine, beggin' a*s.
[laughing]
- "Thank you."
Just starts grubbing on the cucumber,
then kinda forgets that
it had a speaking role
in what was to come,
and a little spray of cucumber happens
as you start to read the letter.
It looks very apologetic
as it's giving you
the same speech that you've seen before.
"You've been accepted
to the Galpenny Academy of Arcane Arts.
Do stuff, tell your parents or don't.
There's magic, and you have
about a week to get ready
before the term starts."
- Galpenny, who's picking Galpenny?
I feel like I've heard that.
Is that like...
Is that like an adult website thing?
'Cause I can't do those.
- Turns its head 180
to no longer face you.
- You know, gal, penny,
you pay a penny to the
gal and then the gal...
You buy pennies instead of money.
I feel like I've heard that before.
- The bird laments its
lack of hand to facepalm.
[groans]
- Okay, well, I guess I
go to this school now.
[laughing]
I don't know how this works.
I guess registration's
already taken from me.
Hey, Mom.
- And as your mom slowly
makes her way to the room,
this owl realizes that it also
had a barf component of this
and first cucumber comes out
and then the magical owl pellet.
"Oh."
And it actually does the talon
scrape-away of the cucumber,
but looks at you like, "I'm so...
That was very messy of me, I apologize.
I'm just gonna eat this again."
- Ew.
Mom, can you get the thing that just...
Not the cucumber.
Can you get that thing that
just came out of its mouth?
- "Why is...
Mm.
Why is...
Girl, why's there a bird in here?"
- Well, this isn't like last time, okay?
This is a real...
The bird was supposed to be here.
I didn't do anything.
This isn't for views.
This bird-
- "I don't believe or trust you.
You constantly say, 'It's for the cont,'
and I don't know what that means."
- It's for the cont!
- "It sounds almost like something
real upsetting and I don't...
I saw a show about
e-girl, it's a porn thing.
Are you doing porn and
somehow the owl is there?
What is?"
- No, but I bet someone
could look that up online,
please don't.
[laughing]
It's gotta be somewhere.
- Please don't.
Oof.
- No, I was doing my daily mukbang
with all of my cucumbers and my sausages,
the way that people like. And
then this just, this bird-
- "Sweetie, we got...
Okay, no. You know what? I can't
tell if I should be the one
to tell you what that is about,
or if you know and we're
just not gonna talk about it.
I have a boundary."
- People love cukes.
Who don't love a cuke?
Everyone loves a cuke.
- "Is it me?
Did I not raise her to know that's a d*ck?
[laughing]
What is that?
That's me, okay.
Continue, baby.
What's up?"
- So, this...
I'm sorry, what's your name?
I didn't get your name?
[Brennan laughs]
Bird.
- Yeah, the bird looks
at you mid mouth of food,
it's actually moved to
a sausage at this point,
it's got one in its talon like.
- I'm gonna name you Sausage.
Sausage over here just came
while I was in the middle of my mukbang
and gave me this wet paper,
and it says that I'm going
to a different school now.
Did y'all enroll me in a
school while I wasn't...
'Cause you said that I wasn't
gonna have to go to the school
that all the bad kids go to
if I keep at least a D to C average.
- "Whoo, Ds make degrees."
- Ds make degrees.
- "And I live by that."
- So-
- Oh.
- "No, 'cause I wouldn't have enrolled you
in a school that involves a flying rat
as a delivery mechanism
'cause we have email.
So no, that's not on me."
- Oh, actually...
Don't say flying rat.
This one is real sensitive.
- Yeah.
Stink eye, just one golden stink eye.
She's like, "Okay, my bad.
Are we gonna...
Am I gonna fight this bird?"
- I almost fought the bird.
- "Good instincts.
Good instincts.
All right.
Whoo, you're my daughter again.
I was worried for a second,
you're like, 'I don't get all
the d*ck food on the camera.'"
- d*ck food?
- "Wild.
Oh, okay.
Well, if you're gonna go-"
- She makes that face
like a confused puppy
makes when they kinda turn.
- Both you and the owl
do it simultaneously,
you and Sausage just.
- Hmm.
- Yeah.
And your mom looks back
and forth at this situation
and the odd assortment of
things that have happened here,
and you see it takes her a
good 30 seconds to go like,
"This is real and happening.
And the most important thing I can do now
is explain sexual double
entendre to my daughter
who's going to be leaving the house
and I can't trust what
you're gonna do on your own."
And she begins to give you the talk,
completely ignoring all
of the magical stuff
that's happening right now, but that's...
That's your beautiful gift
as we slowly move out of the window
as Sausage does her level best
to grab the other one and fly out,
just kinda step out like,
"All right, I'ma dip.
This doesn't apply to me."
And takes off.
- What is that word you kept saying?
What is a mukbang?
[laughing]
This whole time I've been
sitting here being like,
what the hell is a mukbang?
Is it a mukbang?
Am I saying it right?
- It's a mukbang.
It got really popular in Korea,
and it's basically you watch
people eat a bunch of food,
and sometimes they're quiet,
and sometimes they're telling
stories and things like that.
But yeah, for some reason for some people
it's really soothing to watch people eat,
or it just kinda feels like
it's kinda your buddy or your friend.
- It's like social eating.
- It's like having a meal with someone.
- Yeah, it's like being on Zoom
and having dinner with a friend.
- Great.
You're welcome.
[laughing]
'Cause you were wondering, too.
Don't act like you know better.
Don't act.
Don't act like you knew and I didn't.
- Literally everyone but
you know what that is.
- Oh, stop!
Not a chance!
You mouthed it.
Don't-
- I had no idea what that is.
- No!
- I have no clue what that is.
- I don't like it.
Collusion at the table.
We all got it 'cause we know what's good.
And as we sort of sweep
away from that scene,
a camera pans and zooms
thousands of miles away
back towards the Midwest,
but not towards any city,
towards a wide open plain
and endless rows of corn and soybeans
as we get to Millersburg, Iowa.
And this owl that looks tired, confused,
deeply upset at the utter lack of trees
in the available area for
perching and just vibing,
where does this owl find Evan?
- So, I'm Evan Kelmp.
[laughing]
- I almost spit out my water.
- Just the name.
- Just the name.
- K-E-L-M-P, Kelmp.
- Oh.
It's too many consonants.
[laughing]
- It leaves your mouth in that, oh.
- Kelmp.
- Kelmp.
- Kelmp.
- Kelmp.
- You swallow it, it's a name you swallow.
- You swallow it, yeah.
- You do swallow it.
I think Evan
is currently probably
walking down the road.
I'm sleeping right now at an available cot
in one of the non-used bunks
at Camp Lonefield.
There are a lot of
summer camps in the area
that don't have max capacity
and you can usually find a cot or a bunk
in one of the bunkhouses that
is not currently being used
by a rented camp service.
I'm over six feet but
slouch below six feet,
very much from the Adam
Driver School of...
Coin flip if you think he's
handsome or spooky looking.
- Could be both.
- Could be both.
And I have just a white T-shirt,
khakis that are way too long
for my already long legs
and are kind of accordioned
around these seemingly
brandless chunky sneakers.
- Oh, no.
Kirkland brand sneakers.
- Rubber Casio watch, waterproof watch,
pockets bulging with belongings.
Just a grocery bag with T-shirts,
socks, and underwear in it.
And I'm just walking down the highway.
- Oh my god.
- That's the saddest
thing I've heard today.
- I've ever heard.
Wrap the game.
- There you go.
Congratulations.
- I can't do this.
- Hey, there you go.
- You did it.
- And this bird sort of
flies overhead and sees you,
and then sort of breaks its
pattern and comes back around,
but then begins circling,
less like an owl and more like a vulture.
And that's when you notice it overhead.
[slow music]
What do you do?
- Stand very still.
Has the bird gotten close enough to me
that I'm able to see any defining
traits or characteristics?
Can I see features of this bird?
- Yeah.
The sun's sort of setting,
so you're in that weird hour where shadows
are starting to get a little bigger.
So, it slowly comes down a little bit
and now it's about 20 feet overhead,
and you see that it's holding
a big envelope in its beak
and looking down at you with eyes that,
you know what owls look like.
You have a lot of time of
just looking out of windows
and imagining whatever
happens behind those eyes.
And its pupils, there's no gold,
there's no color to it,
it's completely black.
- Oh, hello, friend.
You're not native to this region.
You're a completely different kind of owl.
Oh, boy.
Are you gonna be weird,
or will you be normal?
- [laughs] Even though you're whispering
and it's high in the air,
it swoops around one more time
before landing in front
of you in the highway.
There's no cars coming at all.
You'd be able to see for a
solid mile in every direction.
It's so f*cking flat.
And this bird is 20 feet away,
and puts the envelope down
and spreads out its wings and bows to you.
- Don't bow.
Don't do that, that's so weird.
Please don't do that.
Don't do that.
- It holds.
- Okay.
What do you want?
Is that for me, the letter?
- It kind of leans up
again and you see it blink,
and it blinks and the eyes switch
between that all black and then
a normal golden irised thing
and then back to black,
and it flits back and
forth between the two.
And it gives a little weird nod
and begins to sort of
jerkily back away from you.
- Okay.
Is that normal for you,
or is a weird thing happening to you?
- You see in the way it's ruffled,
it doesn't seem super comfortable
with anything that's happening right now.
- Okay.
You don't have to stay
for whatever's happening.
[laughing]
You don't have to stay, you can go.
I know that I'm bad. I
know I'm bad to be around.
You can go if this is not good for you.
Okay, I'm gonna pick up the letter.
And I go pick up the
letter from the ground.
- [laughs] As you pick it up,
the bird kind of gets up
and seems to shake off
whatever effect was keeping
it jerky and inconsistent.
Its eyes return to that
normal golden look,
and it waits patiently looking at you.
Make a Charm roll for
me, difficulty of 10.
- That's never gonna happen.
- Hey, we saw magic earlier on
that side of the table, okay?
- Magic!
- Let's go this side.
Here we go.
Explode, explode.
- This is my D4.
[blows] That's hit that 10.
- We're going big, we're going big.
- You can do it.
- It's a hot two.
[laughing]
- That's not it.
Ya-da-da.
- As you pick it up,
you make unfortunate eye
contact with this bird
and it screeches at you.
- You're an owl, why are you scared of me?
[screeching]
Please go!
You don't have to be...
I can't guarantee your
safety either, so leave!
- And you actually see, its
wings instinctively go out
as if it wants to take off,
and then it slowly tucks itself back in.
- Fine, fine, I'll read it fast.
- It has to stay.
- I'll read it fast,
I'll read it fast.
I open the letter.
- As you open the letter,
you hear a little [hissing]
but it's not a sound
coming from the envelope,
it's just an envelope.
You hear something behind your mind
hiss with appreciation
as you begin to read.
And the bird's voice,
an elderly British woman's voice comes out
and reads your acceptance
to Galpenny Academy of the Arcane Arts.
- Okay.
Okay.
The section about legal
guardians or parents,
do we need a signature to affirm
that we don't have any?
Or does that-
- The owl sort of extends its neck
and shakes its head a little bit.
- So, that can be returned blank
and that's not gonna gum up any paperwork?
- And it just sort of nods.
- Okay.
Well, I'm happy to save some
bureaucratic [laughs weakly].
[laughing]
- That's the saddest
laugh I've ever heard.
I was like, is that a laugh?
Is that?
I'm not sure that counts.
- Okay, but this is real?
This is not an illusion or a mean trick?
This is real.
- And the bird sort of reluctantly
begins to step forward towards you.
And once it reaches
within five feet of you,
its eyes go black again
and it goes to barf up that
teleportation owl pellet,
but a splatter of black
ichor comes out first.
- Just please, I know you
don't owe me any favors,
but I'm gonna make eye contact with you.
Please just make a little owl face
like that's how that always go.
Just make a little owl face
that you always spit up
some blood when you do that.
I'm gonna look at you in three.
One, two, three.
- 180 degrees
[laughing]
look in the direction.
- I'm so sorry.
Do you have any other
responsibilities or tasks
that you need to fulfill?
You can go, if you need to.
- You hear a shutter come out
of this bird's mouth and lungs
as it takes off and up
and just f*ck off entirely
from your whole situation.
It seems to dip, and it takes a little bit
to get its bearings again in
the air and it flaps away.
And you eventually lose it
across the horizon line.
And it's out of eyeshot and earshot,
so you don't hear the
strangled sound it makes
when it is snatched out of the air
and disappears from view.
And something laughs menacingly.
- I don't hear that?
- You don't.
You don't.
You don't.
- You missed that part.
- You missed that part.
Do you wanna try to hear it?
- Yeah, I would love to try.
- Yeah, okay.
Give me a Brains roll.
Let's make that difficult.
It's gotta be hard 'cause
I did say it didn't happen.
But it could happen.
Let's go a difficulty of 12.
It's doable.
- It's doable.
- Doable.
- It's doable.
- Do you have to explode?
- I don't have to explode,
I have a one in six chance
of hitting it on the die.
- All right.
- You know the odds.
- He did that math so fast in his head.
- That's gonna be another hot two.
[laughing]
- Don't forget, when you fail a roll,
give yourself an Adversity token.
- Oh, I failed two so far.
- There you go.
- Hey man, you're banking.
- Ay!
- You're failing forward, there you go.
- I think I totally miss any
of that and I just go like,
"Did it fly here from England?
It's hundreds of days.
Where does it rest on the ocean?
It can't lock its wings like an albatross
and sleep on the wind?
Owls-
- How do you know about albatrosses?
- Oh, you think I don't know bird facts?
- Oh my god!
- It's a thing.
It's a thing.
We don't...
Don't ask this man questions about birds.
- Tell me about peacocks.
- Oh, I'll tell you all about peacocks.
You know that there's a native
population of peacocks in,
I believe, Pasadena or nearby there.
- Pasadena and Fontana.
- And Fontana.
- I could show you a bunch of pictures
of peacocks in my backyard.
- Yo!
- Now do c*ck.
- c*ck-
[laughing]
- I like this.
- c*ck are a distinct
species of birds from c*ck,
which I believe are just a smaller
miniature version of c*ck.
- Oh, I didn't know that.
- He's right!
- Yeah.
- Could go for other birds.
Let's see, I have facts about cassowaries.
- Nope.
I'm regretting calling you out
on a trivia thing one time.
- See, there you go.
There you go, you learned.
You learned.
- I take it back.
- You're gonna get caught.
- I take that sh*t back.
- You're gonna get caught
with this man.
- Do it once
and you'll never have to do it again.
- Exactly.
- Next season on "Um, Actually"
on the all-avian episode.
[laughing]
- Oops, all birbs.
- Oops, all birds.
- I am going to look at this form.
I don't...
I don't have anyone to
fill out this waiver,
so I'm gonna reach into my pockets.
I think I have double thick wallet,
I have a plastic gas station phone
with no screen on it, just button pad.
And I'm gonna reach and take out a pen
and I'm going to write on the part
that's for me as a student.
I will sign Evan Kelmp,
and underneath I will
put an asterisk and say,
"As a legal minor, legal
adult within a few months,
but as a legal minor.
In America this would have
to be witnessed by an adult.
I'm on a highway right now
and there's no adult nearby,
so hopefully this can
be filled out later."
Close it, and swallow the owl pellet.
- Oh.
You didn't have to swallow it.
- He assumes this is a pill to swallow.
He's like, "I have another
where I know I can open the dumpster
and pick out some bagels,
so I'm gonna go and grab some."
Just swallow that.
- Please make a Grit
roll, difficulty of five.
- He knew about albatross wings,
but he didn't think to
not eat the owl pellet?
- Evan sleeps in unused camp
bunks in Millersburg, Iowa,
so he hits a five on a
Grit check automatically,
that's half the die.
- Beautiful.
Yep.
- That's half the die.
- Yeah, you're able to body it.
Not the worst thing that's
happened to you lately.
- Oh my god.
[laughing]
That is so nasty.
- And we sort of pan
away to a quirky office
full of brass hourglasses and
strange geometrical things
as a woman in sleek black robes
looks down at a parchment in front of her
as she sees the words Evan
wrote on his parchment pop up.
And she looks, furrows her brow.
Frowns as it gets sadder and sadder.
"All right."
And then she looks up at the same time
as you swallow the owl
pellet and she goes,
"Oh, didn't have to...
Disgusting.
Well, it appears to be time to begin."
And she takes off this top
layer of sleek black robes
and puts on some spangly
blue and silver ones
with sh**ting stars that go everywhere,
and a big ridiculous-looking witch hat.
She looks deeply
uncomfortable at her visage
in one of these strange mirrors and goes,
"It begins."
And she teleports away.
And all of you, when you
received your letters
on different days at different times,
you all happen, for one reason or another,
to crush the owl pellet at the same time.
- Oh, it's meant to be crushed.
[laughing]
Well, it will eventually
be certainly crushed
in a manner of speaking.
- That is how peristalsis works,
but I don't like that
we're doing it this way.
- Mm-mm.
- Sure, sure.
- Mm-mm.
- Yeah.
- Checks out.
- Yeah.
- That makes more sense.
[laughing]
- No, no, no.
- And you all disappear
and reappear in a city.
And let me be very clear,
this is a world in which you all are from,
the real world in America,
and "Harry Potter" exists.
And you are in the quirkiest, British-est,
most adorable looking
cobblestone amalgamation
of little shops and tiny
wizards in weird robes
moving back and forth with
poofs of smoke and magic,
bustling on a bright, but
still a little chilly,
London afternoon.
You all appear in a
row next to each other.
- Oh sh*t, bird m*rder!
Girl, I watched that!
I thought you were gonna straight up die.
I thought you were gonna
get m*rder*d by a bird.
- I was gonna hit that bird in the face.
- Yo, wait, oh!
You saw the same bird.
Yo, did you...
I was gonna hit that bird in the face.
- Oh, I was gonna hit
that bird in the face!
- Yo, that bird was trippin', yo!
Oh!
- Ugh, they put me with a
bunch of mainstream preps.
But wait a minute.
- Karen?
- Sam?
It's Dream now.
- Okay.
[laughing]
Karen, nice to see you again.
- Oh my god, are you still
on the "Sailor Moon" boards?
- No, they shut those down.
It got really, really weird
once one of the translations came out.
- Yeah, I know.
- Uh-huh.
How are you?
- Oh, you know, just like,
on the internet and stuff.
Fine.
I'm probably a chosen one.
Found out a couple days
ago, probably though.
- I'm probably, like a chosen one, too!
- Oh, but-
- That's why I got a bird.
- I'm like, a different
kind of chosen one, though.
You're probably gonna get
the sort of Hermione
Granger-ish sort of magic
and I'm gonna probably get
something really dark, you know?
- Oh.
- Yeah.
- Well, that's so fun for you!
- I know, it's gonna be pretty rad.
- Yeah, I think it's gonna be great.
Congratulations.
- Thank you.
- Did you get a weird bird, too?
- Hi, I'm Evan Kelmp.
[laughing]
Nice to meet you.
Hi.
- Nice to meet you, Kelmp.
- Is that a nickname?
- I tend to talk to people by
their last names sometimes.
Do you wanna be called Kelmp?
Oh.
Oh my god.
- What?
- I broke him.
I broke him.
- Sorry.
Sorry, sorry, no, no, I'm fine.
Yeah, I got the bird, too.
Owl not native to...
Clearly a European great horned owl,
and it came, its eyes flickered,
and it spat out some
blood and that pellet.
- Oh, I didn't get any blood.
Did y'all get blood?
- No, no blood.
There was a little skull
in mine, but no blood.
- Mine was just all cukes.
- You-
- And at that moment
before you're able to
say anything past "You,"
in a swirl of blue and silver,
a woman stands in front of you.
She's incredibly tall, not quite...
Would be of a height with Evan,
but she stands with her full
six feet and some inches,
very pale skin,
mid-50s with a giant
stupid-looking wizard hat
and robes that will not stop moving,
kind of a motion sickness vibe going,
and she says, "Hello!
My name is Headmistress Philtrum.
I am the headmistress of
Galpenny Academy of Arcane Arts,
and you lovely four are the first
foreign exchange students we've ever had."
- I f*ck' knew it!
- "Language!"
- Just like in my fanfiction.
- "Your what?"
- Fanfiction.
Were you ever on Fic Alley, or
you know, Leaky Cauldron, or?
- "No, no, no, this place
is called Vertic Alley.
It's a beautiful menagerie of shops,
and I will escort you to get prepared
for your first term at Galpenny.
Ah, hello."
- Do you know if the stores here
offer either a payment plan
or if they offer store credit
cards, or some manner of...
I can't...
If these books are comparably
expensive to normal textbooks-
- "Oh, oh!
No, no, no.
We understand that you all come from
Namp uh, families."
- What'd you call me?
- "No, no, I'm sorry.
A Namp is a non-magical person
because we can't say
the other word anymore
'cause now that's technically a slur.
So you're all Namps.
Well, you were, now you're wizards."
- Namp is the better word?
[laughing]
- That's my thought as well.
We're all on the same page, yeah.
- I'm like, what was the other...
Was the other word Muggle?
Oh, oh, oh, oh!
We can't say that.
- How is Namp better?
- "No, please don't say...
You can't say that out loud.
There's people..."
You actually see a, [squeals]
and she drops a little-
- Can I ask, is there a thing
where Muggles can call each other Muggles?
- Yeah, right?
- "You can't say that!"
- But y'all can't call-
- "Oh, god!
You're wizards!"
- You can't call me a Muggle.
- We're gonna reclaim it.
- "Please stop!"
- Honestly, let's take it back.
We're f*ck' Muggles!
- "Please!"
- Muggles!
- In her just freak-out, a
wand appears in her hand.
And this is gonna be
our first Opposed roll,
so I need you to roll
a Grit difficulty of,
well, it's an Opposed roll,
so roll your Grit and we'll see-
- All of us?
- No, just the one that
kept saying the M-word.
- Just Jammer.
- That is gonna be an eight.
Explode!
- Ooh!
- That's gonna be a seven
for a 15, plus one equals 16.
[indistinct]
- Beautiful.
And she looks at you as you're yelling it,
and after you get that
last little outburst,
you feel your mouth clamp shut
as if you were eating the
stickiest toffee pudding.
You actually taste weird British sweet,
which is weird, it's not-
- Oh, oh we know.
Yeah, 100%, yeah.
- Yeah.
It's like gamey, it's like a gamey sweet.
- Gamey.
Yeah, there's some...
They hunted for this sweet.
- Brennan's eating!
Brennan's eating.
- I know.
I have a little-
- Brennan's eating, Brennan's
eating, Brennan's eating.
- I have a little pouch of almonds.
- Literally squirreled it away!
- Literally squirreled it away.
- Please take an Adversity
token for snitching.
[laughing]
- We'll call it golden snitching here.
Can we say that?
Cut it out!
[laughing]
But you rolled very high,
but she's a very good wizard.
"Please don't say-"
- We're a bunch of Mug-
- Whoa.
- "Don't-"
- Did you just literally silence
a marginalized community member?
[Lou mumbling]
- "We are all wizards,
and so we can't use that word!"
[Lou mumbling]
- I can't tell if this is
corporal punishment or not,
but this doesn't seem like something
you should legally be allowed to do.
But they don't have
freedom of speech here.
Did you guys know that in England,
they don't have freedom of speech?
- Mm.
- It's not a guaranteed right.
They have a kind of working-
- I thought it was his...
The tabloids are totally
messing up the legal system.
- Yeah, something like that.
- Ugh, oh.
- You okay, bud?
- Yeah. That was nasty.
- "Please don't use
that word here."
- All right, fine.
- "What are you talking
about? That's like...
No, I specifically did that
with the flavor of our
delicious desserts at Galpenny."
- Man, what desserts
are you talking about?
- "What are you talking about?
- Give me like a dollar
cone at McDonald's sweet.
That's the kind...
That's what I'm...
Whatever that is-
- "I don't even know
what the f*ck you just said.
That was nothing to me."
- All right, all right, damn.
Just don't put that in my mouth anymore.
- A dollar cone at McDonald's.
- You've never had a dollar cone?
- You have McDonald's?
- Is it because you're rich
or because you're British?
- "I am both, but I still don't
understand what you're saying.
I am a wizard, and all of you,
and even though you all
spent all of your time,
your formative years in
that terrible outside world,
I'm going to need you to try to shake off
the bad habits and things
that you've learned
in order to more effect...
Excuse me, what is that?"
- Oh, this is... I don't
have any bars, too.
I meant to ask you about that.
It's a-
- I have like, one.
But I had to turn off wifi.
- I have like, no bars.
- "Is that a cellular-"
- You guys'll probably get charged
pretty extremely for international rates
'cause it's not gonna
be the same provider.
- I have an unlocked data plan, don't you?
- I'll have to check on that.
- I imagine, with your
mobile streaming stuff.
- Oh, mobile streaming.
- "That is an
electronic device, is it not?
Please stop.
I feel very uncomfortable.
I want to hex it.
Please stop, I don't want to break it.
You'll find at Galpenny,
that sort of electronic
interference is frowned upon.
And I'm pretty sure the
last time we did an update,
none of that will work there,
so get used to not using it."
- What?
- What?
- "Yeah, you won't need
it. You're magic now.
I don't know how many
ways I have to say...
I feel like you under-"
- I'm not doing anything
to make you uncomfortable,
so why are you reacting that way?
- "I just, I'm waiting for
you to blink, young man."
- This is my normal face.
Okay, I'll break the tension.
[laughing]
- "No. I do wanna know
where this is going.
Go ahead."
- I was going to say,
so, each of us was approached
by an owl, the same owl?
- I mean-
- Different owl?
- Mine didn't vomit blood.
- If we probably had
the same owl, if we
both tried to fight it-
- Ornery owl.
- Same triflin' owl.
- "Oh.
They're magical owls,
they all look the same.
They're different owls."
- Oh, interesting.
- But yeah, I received it.
This is the first time
I've had confirmation
that the world-
- "You're special."
[slow music]
- Yeah, maybe that.
Is there a...
Is there a...
Sorry, [laughs nervously]
I don't really think...
I guess special is correct
in the most technical sense.
But I haven't spoken to an adult
about the services that
the academy offers,
we just sort of got this letter.
- "Yes, I'm the adult."
- Is there a-
- Well, I assume that
we go and get our stuff
and the new go to this
magical whimsical academy
and then have grand adventures.
- Oh.
- Yes.
- "Oh, are you a divination specialist?"
- No, I read "Harry Potter".
- Read what?
- "Harry Potter".
- You gotta know.
- Did you not see the movies?
- "See the what?"
- The movies?
I didn't see most of them,
I saw three and five,
and then I saw the first part of six.
- Three is definitely the best one.
- It's the...
Yeah, it was cool.
- "I don't know what you're-"
- Wait, no.
Okay.
- "Movies.
What's movie?"
- So, let's get
a little baseline here.
"Lord of the Rings"?
- "There's definitely a bunch of rings.
That's a magical artifact
that exists in our world."
- Holy sh*t.
Billie Eilish.
- "Eilish.
No, we have a Billy Frumpshire.
He's right over there."
And there's a little gnome walking by.
- Okay, just...
Oh, excuse me.
Are they completely cut
off from the actual world?
- I was gonna ask if she
knew what a McRib was,
but if she doesn't understand that
then she's not gonna understand anything.
- They have McDonald's here.
By the way, the cone is incredible.
Most of the desserts are
actually higher calorie
than the meal items on the value menu.
- They're so good.
- So good.
- I feel like you know
that for the wrong reasons,
but they're so good.
But yeah, this place seems weird as hell.
- Like how can you not know...
There's gotta be...
Look-
- "Oh, are you done?
Thank you."
- Yeah, sorry about that.
- "My god."
- This is all
supposed to be secret, right?
- "Yes."
- So, it seems like a lot of things
are pretty dead-on from the
"Harry Potter" universe.
You don't have anybody
controlling that or monitoring
any sort of supernatural gotcha force?
- "I don't know what [sighs]
most of the words you said meant,
so I will not respond to them.
No.
There is no one here by the
name of a Harold Potter.
I'll go and check with our ministry
to see if there's anyone
registered under that name.
If he's broken any sort of
statutes of magical secrecy,
but I wouldn't know-"
- See, they have that, too!
They literally have-
- "A what?"
- [groans] Okay, well all right.
What are next steps, then?
- "Well, hold on."
And she produces from a tiny pouch
four big bags of coins
and hands one to each of you.
"Here's 20 gold.
I was trying to address your concerns
about magical currency here,
and the school does have a
bit of a fund for Namps."
- You keep saying that word.
- If it's the one that's okay to say,
you're whispering it, so do
you understand what I'm saying?
- "I-"
[snickering]
- And how bad is the M-word?
Can we not say it on the radio, or?
- "What's a radio?"
- No way.
No way.
Come on.
- "What?"
- The radio?
You don't know the radio?
- "Is that like a musician?"
- What I don't understand is,
even using pens and paper
is a form of technology,
so medieval wizards would
have been up to date
on the most progressed
technology of their age,
and then at some point made the decision
to just become increasingly
more anachronistic over time?
You are hearkening back to a time
that very much was the
present in its moment,
why not stay in the present
as time advances along with magic?
- Yeah, like do you have indoor plumbing?
Oh my god!
- "What?
We have magic!"
- You can't...
I'm-
- "We have pumps, like
pipes for water, but-"
- Where do you poop?
- "Oh, you just magic it away.
Wherever you want."
- Oh, f*ck.
- Hey, I wanna go home.
I wanna go home.
I'm not gonna magic away
my business, all right?
I was excited to be here
and to play for you guys,
but if I'm gonna have to-
- "Play?"
- Yeah.
I'm assuming y'all have...
I wasn't sure if y'all recruited me
for basketball or baseball.
- [sighs] "I feel like we're
gonna keep doing this thing
where I don't know what
you're talking about.
We have our own sports here."
- Probably soccer.
Football.
- Oh, it's probably soccer.
Football.
Football, that's it.
Do you have a sport?
- "We do.
It'll all be explained to you later.
Honestly, I...
This is taking up way
more time than I expected.
I wanted to show you a whole magical world
and I have other meetings to deal with."
- Oh yeah.
- Sorry about this.
- "No, you're fine."
- Sorry, sorry.
- Sorry.
- Sorry, yeah.
- "Quick, here's a speed run for you all.
You are all Americans.
You're part of a pilot project of,
you know, expanding magical...
Hey, you know what?
The more you know, the weirder it is.
Just know that there's a
lot of people out there
counting on you to show up,
do what it is in your nature to do,
and we're all gonna have a lovely term.
Yes?"
- Okay.
- Yeah.
- "Good.
Well, I...
Ring, ring."
[ringing]
And a little owl appears, like
a tiny purple owl appears,
like "Oh, look at that,"
and she grabs a little scroll off of it,
like "Pressing business,
only a day left until the term starts-"
- So, the ringing is a
reference to telephones.
[laughing]
Owls don't ring in the wild.
I don't wanna be Mr.
Bird Facts all the time,
but owls don't ring naturally.
- "Well, no.
Because a lot of people
don't like touching owls
'cause they've always
been filthy creatures,
a lot of them wear bells
around their neck."
- Then why do you use them
as your primary mode of communication?
- "Because they're easy to
replicate in transfiguration,
a thing you'll learn very, very soon."
- Am I getting a vibe
that the teacher's about
to leave in a second?
- "Yup!
Trying to."
- I'm going to look at the
other three and be like,
"Well, it seems like the
teacher wants to leave-"
- "Headmistress.
Head of the whole school."
- Headmistress, sorry.
Could I have just a quick
conversation with you in a moment?
- "Yeah, sure."
- Yeah.
- That's totally cool.
Will you just ask her what
we're supposed to get?
I just don't...
I mean, I got my ball and I got all of my-
- "I can hear you."
- Well, what do we need?
I got my ball
and I got my shirts-
- I assume that
it's going to be a wand-
- "What's a ball?."
- Okay.
- Yes.
- And a cauldron, and a familiar,
I'm probably gonna get
something really cool
like a dragon or a phoenix.
- Oh, sh*t, they got those?
- Yeah.
- "Wand, familiar, broom,
supplies that you need.
The school also has them,
so books if you're a person
that wants to have your own copy."
- Which of these items are
mandatory for us to acquire?
- "Wand, familiar, broom."
- I brought my own crystals.
- Are we...
Okay
- Me, too.
- "From...
Oh, that's just a piece...
Mm, no it's fine.
Good for you.
I'm very proud of you,
and I'm sure your rocks are very magical."
- Crystals.
- They're called crystals.
- "Yes.
Pardon me.
Mr. Kelmp."
- Thank you.
- She touches your shoulder
and kind of regrets it.
- Hi.
And I think I don't wanna
leave these new kids
that I immediately have
something in common with,
but I just go like,
"I'm happy to go and acquire those items,
but this may end up being a waste of time.
I understand that there's sort of a track
that we're on right now.
I probably won't need a wand
or a familiar or a broom
or anything like that.
- "Mr. Kelmp, why would you believe that?"
- Well, this is all...
It seems like they're part
of sort of a plan that's happening,
but I would really love to talk
to any medical specialist
or anything like that.
I've never had an adult that
understood that magic was real,
and I've suspected it's been
real for a long, long time.
- "You're home now."
- So, I just really need someone to...
It would be...
I would prefer to be non-magical.
- "Oh, god no, no."
- So, if there's any-
- "No, no one would ever choose that."
- I would.
- "Well, you're young and
American and very stressful.
My dear Evan, anyone that's been selected
to attend Galpenny would cut off a limb
to be able to do so,
and I highly recommend that
you see this as an opportunity.
Magic is not something
you want to get rid of."
- You don't know what the
f*ck you're talking about.
- "Excuse me?"
- You heard what I said.
[snorts] Sorry, sorry.
I uh, um...
Maybe-
- And she pulls out
a set of glasses and sets off
three extra colored lenses
and gets really close to
your face and goes, [tsking]
"Oh.
Ooh."
- Maybe I could just have a meeting
with a school nurse, or something,
when we get to the academy.
- "You know what?
We'll have a consultation
when you get there."
- Thank you. I really appreciate it.
- "Yes.
But for now, relax, try to enjoy yourself.
This is a magical time
in any young mage's life.
Try to enjoy it, will you?"
- Please don't tell me what to do.
- And she says something in a tone
that you know you understand
but your brain can't translate,
and that deep part of you says,
"I know exactly who I'm talking to,
and your time hasn't come yet."
- I'm terrified.
Evan just starts sweating.
- So, I call it the Superb Owl
because it's making fun of the fact
that it is, you know, that-
[Aabria claps]
- "I'm leaving, everyone
should acknowledge that.
You'll be fine.
Head to the school and I'll see you there.
Don't forget, wand, broom, familiar,
anything else you want.
And there's plenty of people here,
there's probably other students
running around at some
point, so you'll be fine.
I trust you all implicit,"
and before she can finish the word
it's like when you hang up the phone
a little bit too soon, she
disappears mid-sentence.
- Okay.
Well, listen here my Muggles.
[Aabria laughs]
We've got each other, all right?
And this is the team,
this is the squad right here, all right?
I got your back, I got your
back, I got your back, right?
Now, does anyone know...
The lack of sports and, I don't know,
everybody's talking really fast
and normally there's a coach
to walk me through this.
So, I'm just gonna follow you.
- I have the perfect blueprint for this.
I know everything that there is to know
about potential magical item shopping.
- Okay.
- I am so excited right now.
Yes.
I think that we should probably
hit up our wands first because you know,
it's like the manifestation of our magic,
it's gonna choose us.
- Okay, that sounds good to me.
What is manifest...
We'll talk later.
- Yeah.
- So, you all turn down
this beautiful alley
full of a bunch of amazing stores,
and you're able to wander down,
weaving between magical folk
on their normal errands for a day
until you arrive at a massive storefront
that kind of reminds
you of a big-box store,
it just has a very bland
font, purple fonted,
"Ace of Wands" in front of it.
It's clean, symmetrical, neutrally-toned,
and you know that this
is where you need to be.
- This look like a Walmart
for wands or something.
- Wandmart, yeah.
- Oh, Wandmart.
Yeah, well.
Let's go get it.
- I can't wait.
I bet mine's gonna have
something like a phoenix feather,
or you know, I don't know,
a unicorn spleen, I guess.
- Wow.
- Yeah.
- That's really cool.
- Yeah.
I'm probably gonna get something
pretty just sturdy and good, you know?
Something that won't break.
- I think mine's probably
made of wood, right?
It's probably a wood wand, right?
Just wood.
- Oh, yeah.
If that's a parameter,
that's gonna really be
able to happen, for sure.
- Oh, good!
- Yeah, absolutely.
- And you all pass through the doors
that magically open for you.
And you hear a gently tinkling
of chimes as you pass within,
fully expecting what years
of magical books and
movies have taught you
is the experience of
finally finding the thing
that chooses you and inducts
you into a magical world.
And you all close your eyes
and embrace whatever's coming next.
And as you open your eyes,
all four of you are standing
back on the outside,
facing back into the street,
experience immediately forgotten,
with a box in your hands.
Please look under your chairs.
[Erika screaming]
- No you didn't.
[Erika screaming]
No you didn't.
What?
[gasping]
Wow!
- Oh my god.
- And all of you that were expecting
a beautiful curated specialized wand
come out with the same wooden stick.
[laughing]
- It's wood!
- This is beautiful.
- All right, yeah.
Did we all get the same one?
- There's supposed to be like,
a skull, or something metal!
- Yeah, didn't you say
something about a spleen?
This just looks-
- I think this is...
Well, it's light.
- Yeah.
- This is a good dowel.
There's definitely worse dowels than this.
- Cool.
Well.
- I'm gonna check the 20
gold coins in my pocket,
and how many are left in there?
- Oh, just by a feel?
Can you hold a bag and know
how much money's in it?
- Oh, I don't think I can do it by feel,
I just wanna check how many...
If we have paid for these.
- Yes.
You are all four gold lighter.
- You know what's interesting,
is I didn't agree to the
costs, and I don't know...
Maybe I did agree and
they erased my memory?
- This was supposed...
This chose me?
It's so, like, mundie!
Ugh!
- I think Jammer's gonna just point it
at Sam and just flick it
and see if anything happens.
- Hey!
- What are you trying to do?
- I think it's truly in his head
as just the idea of, does this work?
And just flicks it at Sam.
- In Jammer's mind's eye,
what does he expect to see if it goes off?
- I think he expects to
see some kind of white...
He expects to see
something sh**t out of it.
[laughing]
I now realize, when I
said it was a white mist.
- That'll lower the DC
'cause that's pretty
right in the expectations,
yeah, that's fair.
- Yeah.
Something's just gonna sh**t
out of the end of his wand.
- I think I'm gonna call that
a Grit roll for no good reason.
- Okay.
- Difficulty of six.
- Six, all right.
- Add your Magic die.
- Oh, and my Magic die. [chuckles]
- That is exactly a six.
- And you sort of flick it casually,
and just a little [puffs]
of like baby powder,
just heavily scented baby powder
that actually smells
like a fresh basketball,
so just leather, but new
and full of potential,
just sort of [puffs] in your direction.
- Oh, sh*t.
They work!
- Oh.
- Were you attempting to do something?
Or you just sort of flicked it.
- I just flicked it, and
I was like- [yelling] Oh.
I was trying to see if it worked,
and then it just, yeah.
Sorry about that.
I didn't know what was gonna happen.
- Cool.
That's super cool.
I think Evan takes a
belt off of his khakis
that now are trying to fall down,
and ties it around, puts
the wand back in the box,
ties the box, goes, "This is so cool.
We're all having a good time."
- Well, try yours out.
- Nope, that's fine.
Hey, so we should get
brooms or familiars next.
I wonder if they have
McDonald's in Vertic Alley.
- Yeah.
I mean, if we pass one I'm
definitely gonna get a cone.
- Definitely.
- I gotta wash
that weird gamey
sweetness out of my mouth.
- Oh no!
Do we only have American money here?
Or would a McDonald's-
- I mean, I'm assuming.
I guess they take big gold coins.
- Yeah.
We should ask if they have a McDonald's
'cause that would be cool.
- I wanna try whimsical British
wizard sweets or something.
I'm not gonna have
McDonald's while I'm here.
You're the kinda guy that when you travel
you just go to all the McDonald's.
- I've never traveled in my life,
so I've never been outside of Iowa.
- You're so sad.
[laughing]
- Oh my god.
- Evan has the most
heartbroken look of all time.
He doesn't know the Tumblr
significance of that.
He just knows the word
for the emotion and goes,
"I'm having the best time
I've ever had in my life.
I'm not sad right now."
- Are you gonna cry?
- Yeah, please stop making fun of me.
- Oh my god.
- Why's she acting like that?
- What's happening?
- Why's she acting
like it's cool that he's sad?
We all know he's sad
but we're not gonna say nothing about it.
- You do?
Oh, sh*t.
- We don't say it out loud.
She's saying the quiet part loud.
- I'm literally...
This is my best day.
- And you know, and no one
can take this away from you.
- Exactly.
So, let's keep it rolling.
- I'm sorry I cried.
- Let's get a broom, that sounds cool.
- Let's get a broom.
- Yeah, let's get a broom.
- Jammer, as you are
gesticulating with your wand,
you notice as you reassert your grip
that that generic wooden dowel,
you look down and the material of it
around the base has changed,
slightly darker wood.
Bamboo.
- Oh, sh*t.
Wait, it's not as...
It got...
It's different.
I think it's magic.
- I try to do something.
Mm.
- Yeah, girl, whatcha trying to do?
- I'm trying to get it to
change to something cool,
with like a snake.
[laughing]
- Oh, you're trying to make the wand
be magic to itself, which is a...
- Ha-ha!
- Yeah, we're gonna call it a Fight
'cause that's an internal conflict.
Give me a Fight roll,
difficulty of 10 'cause
that's a weird sell.
Don't forget your Magic die.
- Oh.
Five.
- With a five, the wand remains inert.
[Erika groaning]
- Jammer has a cool moment of
spinning around, being like,
hey, I guess this sh*t ain't that hard.
And if anybody needs help
with their whole magic thing,
I'm 100%...
If you, you know.
- My latent abilities as a witch
are probably just late in blooming
because the flower that
blooms in adversity
is often the most complex
and dark of them all.
- That's a butchering of the quote
from "Mulan", I think, right?
- I made it better.
- Oh, okay.
- I take my wand and pull out lint
or something that's in my pocket,
and I go, "Bibbidi-bobbidi-boo, and sh*t."
And I hit it to try to see
if I can do transmodification.
- You're trying to...
What are you trying to do?
Turn the lint into?
- I'm trying to turn the lint
into a delicious McDonald's sundae.
[laughing]
We are not sponsored.
- We are not sponsored.
- Gosh darnit.
'Cause the worst part is,
that is a charm spell.
- Oh!
- Yeah, it is.
- Because you're turning a
non-edible substance into food,
I'm gonna say the difficulty's a 15.
- Okay.
Come on, babe.
- Don't forget your Magic die.
- Oh. [laughs]
♪ Don't forget your Magic die ♪
- Come on, babe.
♪ Don't forget your Magic die ♪
♪ Don't forget your Magic die ♪
- Do you take half on this one?
And then still make it?
- Well, 15-
- No, 'cause it's-
- with the bottom six, no.
- There's a single thing.
- Eight.
No.
- Oh no.
- Oh no, 12, 13, 15, I got it.
[Brennan gasps]
[laughing]
- I honestly...
Yeah, hell yeah.
- Oh my god, you guys
are so good at magic.
That was incredible.
Did you know you could do that?
- No!
It's this thingy, it's all this.
You guys, you know, thank you
so much for being so sweet.
Don't forget to like and subscribe,
but it's really just this
that does all of the magic.
It's not little old me.
- Like a subscribe to what?
- Her channel.
It's dope, you should check it out.
- I don't have a screen on my phone.
[laughing]
- Aww.
- I only have like, three
numbers saved in there.
- Aww.
- It's 911, poison control,
and animal control.
- Aww!
- What's happening?
- Well, you know, I don't know,
maybe it's just a Black
thing, I don't know.
Maybe it's just a Black thing
that we're good at magic.
I don't know.
- That makes sense to me.
Yeah, I'm from Iowa and it's bad there.
[laughing]
- Sam, by the way, as you're
holding a McDonald's sundae,
that's rapidly melting
in the heat of your hand,
so it went from cute and it's just...
The half life on this
is just not excellent.
The wand in your hand, you look over,
and the entire shaft of it
is a little bit of a pinker wood.
- It changed, you see that?
- Yo.
- Yo!
- You gotta cast a spell
and then it becomes a cool wand.
- Oh, that's so cool.
If that's melting, do you
want me to get rid of that?
- Yeah, let's see.
You gonna magic it
or are you just gonna
grab it with your hand?
- I was gonna eat it.
I was walking on a highway earlier today.
- That was lint like, a minute ago.
- That is...
Oh, it's already gone.
- What'd it taste like?
Did it taste real? Did it
taste like the real thing?
- It tastes incredible.
It tastes like a true
sundae, it's amazing.
There's the sauce on it and
everything, that's incredible.
- I could make...
I could do that before with hands.
But now I can do it with this!
- Hell yeah.
- Hell yeah.
- And as you guys are
kind of just doing magic
in a weird little circle at the-
- Okay, all right, well that
was a bit of a strike-out,
but you know, it's fine.
- You see a group of other students
that are kind of looking
over at you, three of them.
- Sup?
- Magical peers.
- Should we go say hi?
I don't know.
- Yeah.
- Go meet.
Yeah, go meet.
- Go mingle.
- Hey, what's up?
We're...
We're the foreign exchange students
from the pilot program.
- "Oh, that. [chuckles]
Well, that makes...
I get it."
And this is the one female
in the trio that's speaking.
She goes, "My name is Tallulah.
It's nice to meet you.
And we could tell that you
were all Americans from,
oh, just miles away.
You all use miles."
- You say that very condescendingly.
- You think you're better than me?
- That's fair, though.
America is in a pretty bad spot right now.
- "No, it's not that you're Americans,
it's that you all are doing
your first year of magical training,
but you're all six, seven years older
than the first year students,
so that's weird for you.
I don't think I'm better than you.
I'm here, we're here...
Sorry, let me introduce.
Once again, Tallulah, this is
Digsby and this is Fergus."
And they all kind of
give you a little look.
"I'm sure you don't know anything
about the houses or anything.
We're all-
[Erika gasps]
What?"
- Oh, it's just we get sorted into houses
that are befitting our
strengths, I assume.
- Oh.
- "Oh.
Looks like you've done
some reading before.
I like you.
Good.
Well, is there's anything the three of us
could help you with as
you're sort of running around
making a ruckus about
doing very small spells
in the middle of a magical
street?" [laughs stiffly]
- Again, condescending.
You know we're new here, you know?
- "It's just how I
sound." [laughs stiffly]
- Well, we were wondering if
there's a McDonald's here.
That was the first question
I think we had as a group.
- "And Tallulah looks over to her right
at the one she introduced as Fergus,
who's this taller ginger dude with a tan,
freckly, kind of yoked
up, of a height with you.
He's been giving you the
athlete to athlete eye like-"
- Sup?
- "Yeah.
Yeah, sorry."
And pays attention to Tallulah,
she also looks confused, he shrugs,
and Digsby steps forward and goes,
"No, no, no, I'll handle it.
I used to be non-magical person myself.
Digsby again."
And he kind of walks forward,
and he's pale, dark hair,
pale green-gray eyes,
and tosses his hair like,
"I remember McDonald's in the before time.
No, we don't have those here,
but don't worry, British
food is much better
than any fast food.
Highly recommend you check out
the Knave's Navel if you
want to grab a bite to eat.
It's just around the corner there."
- Maybe they got some of those
sweets you're looking for.
- I'm so excited to be learning abroad.
- It is pretty cool to be
in a different country.
I also, I've never been outside of...
Well, I've been around
for tournaments and stuff,
but I've never been
out of the Midwest, so-
- "Oh, I'm gonna need us to be focused
on this thing that's happening.
This is not-"
- You're from the Midwest?
Where are you from?
- Oh, Chicago.
- Oh, that's awesome.
I'm from Iowa, but-
- Yeah, I've competed...
I've done tournaments
down there and stuff.
- Oh, that's great.
You ever been near Millersburg?
- No.
- Okay.
[laughing]
- Is that cool?
I don't-
- No, I-
- I've just mostly done the tournaments
in Des Moines and stuff.
- Oh, Des Moines is great.
I lived in Des Moines very briefly.
I've sort of bounced
around in different spots
in Iowa for a while,
[Aabria clears throat]
but there's a lot of-
- "I'm sorry.
It's not that we're on
a schedule or anything,
but we're kind of a big deal.
And we just...
If there's anything we could do for you
in this sort of immediate...
It's a student outreach thing.
Just don't ignore us is all I'm saying.
Thank you."
- I have so many questions.
I'm sure that all of us
have very many questions.
Do we have you sort of a,
you know, like an RA basis
once we get to the school and everything?
Also, which is the really ambitious,
dark house, and everything?
'Cause that's probably the one
that I'm gonna get sorted into.
You have some sort of sorting,
I don't know, hat, maybe?
- [laughing] "A hat?
That's ridiculous, you would put on a hat
and it would tell you."
- Well, how do you do it?
- "You'll see.
It's supposed to be a surprise."
"You step on the little-"
"Don't tell.
It's lovely.
And you know what?
If you end up being in Hersnell, then yes,
I'll be happy to take you under my wing."
- Interesting.
- We gotta get a familiar and a broom.
Is there a place that
does that on the cheap?
- "Oh, yeah.
Yeah, follow me.
And you're also gonna need some robes
'cause those are interesting outfits.
Your shoes are so bright.
Why are they those colors?"
- Well yeah, these are the Irvings.
- "Irving?
What's an Irving?"
- Kyrie Irving.
The basketball player?
I mean, at this point why do I even think
you know what I'm talking about?
- And Digsby's like, "I
get what basketball is."
- Yeah, okay, thank you.
Yeah, well no, these
are just his sneakers.
These are the Electro-Lights.
- "Sneakers?"
- They're really sick.
- "Sick Electro-Lights?"
- Yeah, I'm not gonna wear...
What kinda shoes are they wearing?
- Electrolytes are a scientific principle.
I mean, okay.
- Well, it's kind of a play on that
'cause it's like, Electro, hyphen, Light.
You know.
- Oh!
- Yeah.
- So it was me
that was ignorant about
this facet of culture.
- Nobody needs to know what's
going on with sneakers.
That's chill.
- Fergus is just kinda eyeing you.
- Hi.
- "Hey."
- Fergus?
- "Mm."
- Sam, very nice to meet you.
- "Hey.
Do you all shake hands?
Is that a thing?"
- Yeah, we shake...
We do shake hands.
- "Yeah, okay.
It's nice to meet you.
I hope you get sorted into Hersnell.
- It's the what?
- "What? Hersnell.
It's one of the houses."
- Hersnell.
- "Hope to see you there."
- Thank you. Hope to see you, too.
- "And our shoes are just
boots, I don't know."
- Yeah, I'm not gonna wear that.
- And they kinda lift up their robes.
They're all wearing red robes.
- Thank you very much
for your time and help.
Robes are not one of the three items
that we're mandated to get,
and I only have 20 gold pieces to spend
in a currency here, so I won't be getting-
- "Hold on, what time is it?
Is anyone?"
And they all start looking
up directly at the sun.
- We're in Greenwich-
- I pull out my phone.
- We're in Greenwich Mean Time.
I take...
If Greenwich Mean Time,
I believe that's seven
hours ahead of Central,
so that would be...
It's about 11:00 a.m.
here, something like that?
- Oh, well if it's 11,
then your money's gonna go way farther.
You have plenty of money
to get some clothes, too.
- Things get more expensive
as the day goes on?
- "Well yeah, you know, money."
- You have a watch?
- "It's how money works."
- Yeah, my phone doesn't have a screen.
[laughing]
- It's good every time.
- I don't...
Okay.
Great.
Well, let's get spending
while the money is worth more,
'cause I guess that's
how things work here.
- Okay, let's go do
brooms and then familiars?
- Cool.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
- By the way, I'm Dream.
I'm certain that I will
see you at our house.
- "Oh, our house.
Bold, I like it."
Hmm.
We'll see.
We'll see.
- Wow.
Those kids were so cruel for no reason.
- It's so weird.
I guess this sort of imagined hierarchy
of the American television
has made its way here
to Magical Academy.
- Yeah, we just got mean girl'd.
We got mean girl'd.
- I guess.
But my self-esteem isn't really tied up
in my knowledge of this strange new place
that we just found out
existed, so I'm good.
- Yeah.
I could dunk on all of them,
so I'm not really fazed.
- That was, yeah.
I'm sorry I didn't say
anything back there about it,
I was just trying to
breathe and not get mad.
- There's a lot going on.
It's okay, we're all gonna
take this step by step
and figure things out.
- Exactly.
- Yeah.
Go, go team.
- My man.
- Go team.
- And the trio stops in front of a store
called The Streaking Straw,
Brooms for Every Occasion,
and they all turn, post up
and lean against it like,
"Go ahead, walk in.
Show us what you get when
you come out, I'm curious.
Go on, go on.
This isn't the fun part,
so just go buy a broom, or
whatever, and then come back.
Show us what you got."
- Okay.
- "Not every store is
like magic, mystical,
sometimes it's just
where you buy a broom."
- A broom that flies though, right?
- "Yeah, but everything
does weird stuff here
'cause you're a wizard.
You're not Namps anymore,
you have to get over that."
- We-
- I'm really not liking that word.
- Yeah, it really feels weird.
- It's just weird.
- [Lou] It feels weird.
- Yeah, there's a weird
governmental feel to it
where it's not organic and it's already-
- Like an acronym.
- It's already not
doing the job they invented it to do.
- Well, let's hit it.
- Okay.
I'm gonna walk into the broom store.
And I think I'm gonna lean
over to Jammer, actually,
and be like, "Jammer,
those guys are following us
after we kind of ended the
interaction with them, right?"
- Yeah, I can't tell what their vibe is.
They keep saying nice stuff,
and then they'll say a mean thing
and then they'll follow
it up with a nice thing.
I feel like it is,
it's kind of like JV
talking to varsity kids.
It has that vibe.
- It's like negging.
- Yeah.
- They're negging us.
- I'm just getting very hot in the head
and I feel like I'm getting...
It's making me upset, you know?
- Hey man, well you know, game face.
If somebody tries to talk you down,
tries to sun you, you don't see that.
You don't see that, right?
It's just here.
That's it, right.
- I appreciate your approach
to these things, but if I may,
I would say that you should
allow those feelings to happen.
You take them and you examine them
like they're a precious piece of glass,
and you internalize what it means to you.
Consider that glass and put it down.
- Yeah, and then you
just smile through it.
Just smile through
whatever they're saying.
Someone says something
ignorant, big smile.
Try it.
- These feel like three mutually
exclusive pieces of advice,
all of which are outside of my wheelhouse.
- Great.
Great.
Well, let's get brooms.
I'm sorry.
- No, I'm going to go and I'm gonna say,
"Choose the broom that's right for me.
Accio, I guess.
I just wanna see."
I'm gonna see if I can magically divine
which one is right for me.
- Okay, if this is a spell,
go ahead and let's make this a Charm roll.
Difficulty of 10.
Don't forget your Magic die.
- 12.
- Perfect.
And you sort of stand there
and you wave your wand,
and you get a faint scent
of roses under your nose
and a slight trill that
sounds like your own voice
going on a melodic run.
And a tiny spark of pink light
erupts from the end of your wand
and begins to travel
down one of the aisles.
- I'm doing it, I'm
doing it, I'm doing it.
- That's so cool.
- That's dope.
- This is a lot less aggressive
than I thought it would
be, but it's happening!
- Yeah, it looks like, pink and stuff.
- Yeah.
It's probably, you know, just warming up.
- Oh, warming.
- Yeah.
Okay, what's it doing?
- Yeah, it just goes down the third aisle
in a fairly generic, dusty, dark,
old store that's covered with
racks and racks of brooms.
- Yes, yes, this is right.
- And it leads you towards one.
Which broom does it stop at?
You're the one with notes.
- Ah, yes.
It's a Blocker's Broom.
- And it alights on the broom,
and the whole thing
flashes pink and glittery
and sparkles down.
And a man peeks around the aisle,
his hair is super poofy,
and kind of that sort of
dusty brown going to gray,
and he's got big mutton chops
that travel around into a mustache.
He goes, "You could've
just walked down the aisle.
You don't need to do a magic about it."
- You know, this is still a
novelty for me, all right?
So please indulge.
- "Well, don't point your
wand at people like that.
Just go up.
Put it down."
- Is there wand discipline?
- "Holster it.
Yeah!"
- Oh.
- "Do you see any...
Accents, American.
[snaps]
Oh, you're them!
Got it, got it.
Okay.
Well, when you're with wizards."
- Okay, we're non-magical, not, you know?
I'm trying to think of
a polite way to say it.
We're non-magical, not stupid, okay?
- "Eh.
Sure.
You don't see any other
wizards walking around
waggling wands in people's faces.
That's pretty rude no matter
where you're from, am I right?"
- Actually, the first adult we met here
cast a spell on one of us
within the first three minutes.
- "Did you deserve it?"
- Well, I was just
saying the M-word a lot.
- "Why would you do that?
What's wrong with you?"
- 'Cause it felt like it was
okay for us to say it as the-
- "Why? You're a wizard.
Are you holding a wand?
Do you do magic?"
- Well, now I do.
At the time I did not.
- "Ever since you got here, you're-"
- A wizard.
- "And so you don't get
to say that word anymore."
- And now-
- But they
don't know to say it
because they're not magical
and they have no awareness
of this place's existence.
- "Well, okay, let me just be super clear
that this sort of movement
to be a little less terrible
about people that aren't like us
is relatively recent, it's new.
So, we're all kind of getting
the mouthfeel for it, as it were,
so please do your part to
erase terrible language."
- Are we part of a
social justice movement?
- Oh my god, we totally are.
- "You're a bunch of Americans
going to a British school for magic,
and none of you were
magic before, correct?"
- Well, we-
- No, none of us were.
- I mean, on the field.
- Clearly had it
latent in us like we
were special and chosen.
- My manager says I have
"It," whatever that means.
- "It.
Okay.
Well, none of that sounded like...
You're part of a movement.
Everyone's watching you,
so try to not f*ck it up.
Yeah?"
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Okay, I'd like to say
that it's kind of unfair
to take some people from a certain group
and then hold them up as examples
of all the entirety of
who they are representing,
and considering that's non-magical people,
that's a lot of people in the world.
Probably close to-
- "There's probably
hundreds of you out there."
- No, it's-
- Sorry,
do you not know the
population of the world?
We're well on our way to 8 billion people.
- "No."
- How many-
- You can literally look it up.
- "No."
- I mean, they don't know
what a radio is, so you know.
- That's a great point.
Where would they look it up?
- "Buy your brooms!"
- Okay.
- Okay.
[laughing]
- Where's the fast one?
- "This way.
Oh, do you play scuppers?"
- Is that what it's...
Scuppers? Is that the sport?
Oh, man, that don't sound cool at all.
Saying I'm a scuppers player
does not sound like it's gonna be cool.
- I'm so sorry, that's really rough.
- That doesn't sound
cool, that sounds wizardy.
[laughing]
I got recruited to play scuppers?
Dammit, yeah, I play scuppers.
- "All right, I've got you.
Come with me."
- Okay.
- He takes you down to a faster,
sleeker, technical aisle.
- Great.
- And after a couple minutes,
'cause I don't wanna stay in
this broom place any longer,
you come out with your g*dd*mn brooms.
- Why-
- I just wanna say
that I went to the corner
of the shop and was like,
"Oh my god, this one
looks super affordable,"
and got a janitorial push
broom that is for the shop.
- Yes.
They didn't have the heart
to charge you for it,
and they were just like, "Just, go."
- This was great, this one
was only three copper pieces.
They broke one of my gold coins down
and now I have a bunch of silver
and a bunch of copper left.
- You actually saw what they did.
You handed a gold coin and
they put it on the table
and kind of crushed it with their thumb,
and it shattered into
a big pile of 18 silver
and 19 little copper pieces.
- See, all money should be modular,
and also tied to something
that actually is substantial and not-
- This is great.
I'm gonna have money leftover.
I could get clothes, blanket, get food,
get all kinds of stuff.
So, hopefully there's a familiar deal
kind of in line with this one
'cause this one's gonna be great.
And also, it has a nice wide seat.
And he's looking at the bar and he's like,
"So, that's helpful."
- Aside to Sam.
Sam, he's so tragic.
- Keep it together.
Keep it together. You're gonna
slide all over the store.
[laughing]
- They don't sell mops here.
- Oh.
- Okay, I mean,
there surely must've been
some mistake in the...
Mine is bright pink and sparkly,
and well, there's nothing wrong
with very femme colors, it's like...
Clearly mine was supposed to be something
awesome and twisted.
- And dark and bloody, and stuff?
- Yeah!
- Next time.
Maybe you can get that
figured out for you.
- Okay.
- Yeah.
- Yeah, there's gotta be some mistake.
Has my wand changed at all?
- Yeah.
Actually, [laughs] the tip
where that pink erupted
stayed glittery and pink,
and hasn't gone back.
- Okay, all right.
All right, okay.
I can integrate this into my world view
and still be fine.
All right.
- Cool.
- Yeah.
- It's just not...
I mean, it's definitely cool,
it's just not as twisted
as I think I thought.
But I don't know, maybe, we don't know,
maybe it'll change again.
- Maybe it depends on the
kind of spell that you do.
- Oh, there it is, yeah.
- Maybe pink is really metal
and goth here, we don't know.
- "It's not."
[laughing]
Just walks by.
- Sam, what kind of broom did you get?
- So, I got the Suave Sweeper,
which is a great name.
So, it's a dark broom with the
bristles kind of fanned out.
Like yeah, suave, you know?
- That's great.
I think that looks awesome.
- Thank you.
I'm really excited for it.
I hope I don't fall and die.
- You'll be fine.
- Yeah, that does feel like,
I wonder what kind of enchantments
the brooms have on them
to ensure that you don't fall off.
- Fall, get hurt and stuff, yeah.
- Do we have to take some sort
of driving test for these?
'Cause it's like a mode
of transportation, right,
that's off the ground,
it's all dimensions, right?
So, you have to take a
driving test for a car
and that's only just on one plane.
- I know in the States, I think in Alaska,
you can use a driver's license
for recreational aircraft,
like Ultra Lites and stuff like that,
but again, I don't know
what the laws would be.
- Yo, Tallulah.
Do we have to-
- "Yeah?"
- Test or something
before we can use these?
Or could we just go to
town right off the bat?
- "That's actually a really good question,
because normally in your third year
you go through all your flight training,
but you're all penultimate,
you're sixth years,
so no, I think you're just good to go.
Try not to fall off."
- Oh, so it is...
You can fall off.
- "You just gotta hold it."
- So, you can fall off and die, oh.
- Okay.
So, I won't be flying, but that's great.
- [Lou] Cool.
- Following the first little
bit of your adventure,
I want everyone to take an Adversity token
as just a little gift for
doing the shopping episode.
Up top.
- There it is.
- Just committing to it.
It's my favorite.
So, you have two of your
three required objects.
- Familiars.
- This is it.
Our lifelong animal companion,
tied to us in spirit, a
manifestation of who we are,
something that we will
not call spirit animals.
And something that is,
even Patronuses are kind of
on the outs, so yeah, yeah.
- Yeah, for sure.
- That's nice.
- Do you know, Dream,
if we have to provide
care for these animals,
or they're gonna have food at the-
- Oh, well, I assume they're just
sort of like normal animals, right?
Just that you do have
to take care of them.
- I mean, between practice and everything
I'm not sure I'ma have
time to feed a thing.
- Yeah, I worry about...
I worry about being-
- Is it because anything
that you nurture and care for is gonna-
[laughing]
- Why are you smiling so big
when you ask that question?
- I'm sorry, I'm sorry,
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
Is it that anything that
you nurture and care for
dies a horrible death?
- What kind of answer are you
looking for in this moment?
- One in the affirmative.
- Let's go to the pet shop because I-
- Let's go to the pet shop.
- Okay.
Yeah.
- Evan, go ahead and
give me a Brains roll,
difficulty of five to navigate the alley
to just get out of this conversation
and into the pet shop.
- I lean over to Dream.
That's like a yes, right?
That's like, 100% a yes.
- I mean, there's gotta
be tons of childhood pets
that have, that under his care and stuff-
- Nine.
- And it's like, I'm
sure he doesn't mean it.
I'm sure he just loves
them and cares for them
and it's just the
tragedy of his existence.
- Guys, you're not whispering
nearly as soft as you think you are.
- Sorry.
- They don't all die!
[laughing]
Sometimes they do stuff, or
they tell me to do stuff.
Sometimes they don't
turn out to be animals.
One time a pig's head in the butcher shop
told me that God and the
devil k*lled each other.
[laughing]
So you know, I don't know
if that's an animal or not.
I don't know if that's an animal or not,
and it's been happening for a long time!
- Tallulah is across the
alley and just staring at you.
"Do it."
- I don't know you, so why
are you conspiring with me?
- "I'm trying...
You are causing a scene."
- This is more social interaction
than I've had in years.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry I raised my voice.
- Hey man, it's all right.
We're starting-
- I need a Charm roll from
you, difficulty of, oh...
No, I'm gonna be mean.
- That's high.
- Let's see if I hit that on a D4.
- Yeah!
You could!
- Come on.
- Explode.
- [Danielle And Lou] Explode.
- [Lou] Explode.
- Don't.
- Four!
- Oh!
[cheering]
Okay, okay, okay, okay.
- [blows] Come on, little buddy.
- We'll see, we'll see.
- Come on, come on, come on.
- We'll see.
- Three.
Seven.
- Ah.
- Can I give him Adversity tokens?
- Do you have eight of them?
- How many does he need?
- I would need eight, but
from you I would need four.
- Yes, and I have four.
- You sons of...
Are you doing this?
- Yeah, I'm giving him
four Adversity tokens.
- So, you have to explain to me
how you help him in this moment
so I will give you a little bit of clarity
on what's going on.
- Okay, exactly.
- Because you are yelling,
and everyone is looking at you,
and you know what, Jammer?
You notice that there are certain people
that are looking with that sense
of shocked British propriety
'cause your mom likes
watching "Downton Abbey",
and they're like, "Oh, my god,
this is some "Downstairs" bullshit
and I don't care for it."
And there are others looking,
and they seem to be locked
in on Evan's frequency
and they are staring at him, unblinking.
- I think I definitely sense that...
I think just the pig's head story alone
let's me know that Evan's
got some intensity to him.
And I think even if
Jammer doesn't understand
what Evan might be causing
with his abilities,
I think Jammer just
sees someone in distress
and kinda goes into the mode of,
you know when a fight's about to happen
on the basketball court?
- Yep.
Sorry.
- And it's like, we cannot...
We are not getting you thrown
out of the game this early.
We've got a lot more,
this is the first quarter,
so I just, I think, full-on put my body
between Evan and Tallulah
and put my hands on either
side of them and just like,
"Hey, man, come on. Come
on, we got familiars to get.
We got familiars to get, all right?
Come on, come on.
[Brennan breathing heavily]
Let's go get these familiars, all right?
Let's go get these...
We're gonna go get those familiars.
We'll catch up with you
guys later, all right?
Hey, let's go get 'em, let's go get 'em,
let's go get 'em, come
on, come on, come on."
- Thanks, man, thanks, man, thanks, man.
- And because you guys are of a height,
as you sweep up and catch him,
people's attention falls away from Evan
and you see that they kind of stay
and linger in that moment for
just a little bit too long,
staring in his direction
before calming down and resuming
whatever they were doing.
- I think Jammer notices
that but keeps it to himself,
just 'cause it just seems too...
I think it's too much for him
to put together on top of this
that Evan has the ability
maybe to take people.
[laughing]
- Can I make a roll to
see if I notice this?
- Oh, yes, please.
- Yeah, come on.
- You tell me what that roll is.
What statistic are you rolling with?
- I wanna say,
maybe Flight, 'cause my hackles are up.
- Yeah.
- I'm ready.
- You're super cagey and
you're trying to be like,
oh, head on a swivel,
what's happening here?
Absolutely.
Let's go Flight, difficulty of eight.
- Okay.
And is that just straight roll?
- Yeah. Are you doing
magic about it right now?
- No, no, no.
- Okay, then yeah.
- 10.
- Beautiful.
- 11.
- Nice.
So yeah, you were able to...
You were also glued to Evan's
outburst in a weird way,
and as you look around at what's going on,
you notice the eyes that
are stuck in his direction
for just a little bit too long,
and you can hear the murmurs
in the crowd that whisper
about a Dark One.
They get distracted and they're like,
"Oh, those are weird
shoes, they're very bright.
Other boy has very bright shoes on.
I like these boots.
They curl at the toe and hurt my feet."
- Oh my god, oh my god.
- Hey, you good?
[laughing]
- Thank you so much, man.
- 'Course, dude.
- Really, I'm really embarrassed.
I blew my stack and I'm really sorry.
That was awesome.
I really appreciate you jumping in.
- Hey, man, happens on
the court all the time.
Dudes going body to body,
people get up here, they
lose that focus, all right?
Hey, man, what's up?
I run the offense, all right?
We're gonna get there.
We're gonna win the game, right?
You're my Muggle, all right?
You my Muggle, you my Muggle.
We're my Muggles.
- There's three people
walking by, they're like,
"You can't say that."
- I'm a Muggle, I can say that.
- "No!"
- That's right, I'm not a Muggle anymore.
- A woman faints.
- Oh god.
- She just faints.
- I'm sorry!
- She's on the ground.
- All right, I'm gonna say it less.
- Well, we can, yeah.
I don't know if it's
'cause they're British
or because it really is truly on the level
of a bad slur here.
- Yeah, well.
Yeah, not in mixed company, I guess.
- Jammer, take an Adversity token for me.
And I need you.
Where's your wand right now?
- In your hand?
- It was in my hand, yeah.
It's still in my hand.
- Make a Charm roll,
difficulty of six for me.
- Difficulty of six?
Well, I'm just gonna have it.
- Okay, you can just do that.
You say that so disrespectfully.
[cheering]
[laughing]
- What's up?
- I'm sorry?
- I did.
I did, I laid that down.
- I liked it a little bit, though.
So, that's a thing for
me to think about later.
- Sub bottom culture.
I get it.
- Yeah.
- Yeah, it's a little mean.
It's a little mean.
- Anyway.
[laughing]
You see, for just an instant
while you're holding your wand,
you feel a sort of surge of energy in it,
and you can almost believe
out of the corner of your eye
you see a tether form
between Evan and Jammer,
and as quickly as you
think you can see it,
you try to turn you gaze directly on it,
you can't perceive it anymore.
- That was weird.
- Hmm?
- What?
- I just saw this thing
where it was like the two of you had
like a thing between you,
and it was pretty great,
it looked like it was
beautiful, what you had.
- An intimate moment between two men.
[Aabria laughs]
- It was more like a string.
But that's intimate.
That's an intimate moment,
just kind of a nice little-
- I feel like in this moment, Evan is...
I feel like I'm...
Evan is enough of a
weirdo outcast that I...
But I know enough about
masculinity to know
that you are never supposed to address
moments like this out loud.
[laughing]
So, I'm just going to look at you,
be very upset that the
two girls in the group
have verbalized that
something special happened,
and just look at Jammer
and be like, "Familiars."
- Yeah.
- Familiars.
- We'll get 'em.
- Let's get 'em.
- Yeah.
- Let's get it.
- And you were already
walking in that direction
'cause you kind of sussed out the layout,
and you quickly arrive at a little,
it's a shop, but it
looks like it continues
to be outdoors once you
pass into the facade,
and there's a little
sign hanging off of it
called "Merlin's Minions." And
it looks like a petting zoo,
for all intents and purposes.
- Have you guys noticed
that all of the stores are alliterated?
Do you think this is a magical thing?
To be honest, I have never been to the UK,
and perhaps this is just standard.
- I mean, I'm not sure.
I don't know a lot.
Are there British things
that are two, you know-
- Also, The Knave's Navel
would only be phonetically alliterative,
'cause knave begins with a K,
unless it's the-
- h*m*.
- Yeah, unless it's nave
like the nave of a church.
- Ooh.
- Should I change my streaming name
to something alliterative?
Is that what we're doing?
- I mean, it might hit harder here.
It seems like that's kind of a-
- Oh.
- Just general whimsy
feels to be hittin' here.
- Love whimsy.
- Yeah.
- Yeah, that...
I bet they don't have
smartphones and stuff here
'cause they seem to be very
anti-technology in that way,
but that owl did ring like a phone,
so maybe they have some-
- Equivalent, maybe there's a walrus
that you can stream from.
- Yeah, a walrus opens its mouth
and it shoots a bunch of light out,
and it's like, "What's up,
fam? I'm inside this walrus."
- I need to find an attendant
as soon as possible.
- There is one standing at the front
just staring at you, waiting.
- Let me get a stream walrus!
[laughing]
Dream said they got 'em.
Dream said y'all got a stream walrus.
- "Okay-"
- Or some other large-
- "Hold on.
We might have one.
One second."
And she walks into the back, disappears,
comes back two minutes later.
"We don't have any walruses today."
- Damn.
- You got a pig?
Like a stream pig?
- "Okay, let me just explain.
You all are...
By the way, I'm doing
my best American accent.
Can you even tell that I'm not American?"
- It sounds vaguely-
- "It's so good, right?"
- Yeah, you're doing great.
- "Thank you.
- This is an accurate and
cruel impression, yes.
- "Hurtful.
Hi, I'm Freya, by the way.
You guys are the exchange...
Can I say that? Can I say that out loud?
You're exchange students?"
- Exchange students?
- "Yeah."
- Can you say it out loud?
- "I don't know-"
- Yeah, for sure.
- "Is that weird for you?
You're all-"
- Students on exchange, yes.
- "Yeah, but you're new to magic,
everyone knows that you're new to magic."
- Does everyone...
Were we in the news?
- "Mm-hmm."
- Oh.
- "It's like a whole thing."
- Do you have a link to that?
I'm sorry, like a newspaper
clipping of that, or something?
- "Oh, yeah, around here somewhere.
Yeah, I'll grab you one
when you get to the back."
- Okay.
- Okay, so how do familiars work?
- "Yeah, so you're gonna
walk through the area,
and essentially, the
animal that's drawn to you
will kind of just find you, choose you.
It might not be an animal.
The familiar, whatever it may be,
it'll probably be an animal,
will just sort of meet you on your level,
follow you out, and we'll just charge you
for whatever follows you.
Does that?"
- Okay.
- "Does that make sense?"
- Amazing.
Yes.
- All right.
Well, is there just like-
- "Yeah, you guys can
all go the same time,"
and she kinda opens up the pen
and you just get hit with this burst
of hay and animal dook.
And it's not a super pleasant experience.
And she actually offers
you all pieces of gum.
"The smell, it's kind of-"
- Yeah, I'll take this.
- Oh, free gum.
Thank you.
- "Free? What?"
- No, thank you.
- Am I not supposed to say free?
- I don't want-
- If you say free it implies...
Yeah, I understand.
- And if you put the gum in your mouth,
it just tastes like normal bubblegum,
but it kind of kicks off
a really strong smell
that you're trapped in a
pleasant-smelling cloud.
- No, thank you.
I wanna go into this cold.
- "It's actually kinda warm
in there, from the animals."
- Oh, no, I mean, it's
a, you know, just like-
- "Have a great day."
- Yeah, cool.
- Right.
Well.
I think Jammer just starts
walking up to different animals
and standing in front
of them for a second.
- There's a bunch of
really cute dogs, and cats,
and piles of toads.
And they all kind of wag their tails
and acknowledge you if
you make eye contact,
but none of them are coming over.
- Is that a stream pig?
That's a stream pig.
- And the moment you say "Stream pig,"
there's this giant sloppy hog
that looks up at you, and
then up and over it bounding
in a parkour is just this
tiny baby pink piglet.
- That is going to do
numbers on the 'Gram.
- It screams at you, like [screaming]
and just sprints, it power
slides under the gate
and stands on your shoe.
You can barely feel the weight
of it. This thing is tiny.
- Holy sh*t, Sam.
- Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god.
- What are you gonna name it?
- You know what?
I'm gonna name it after my favorite movie.
Nice to meet you, Terminator 2.
[laughing]
[squealing]
- [Aabria] And it just
kind of nuzzles into you.
[laughing]
- Are you gonna say that every time?
Terminator 2?
- Yeah, that's-
- Or maybe T2.
- Oh, T2.
- T2 for short.
- Yeah.
- Oh, who's my Terminator?
Who'll be back?
You'll be back, yes you will.
- And it keeps look back
at its back every time you say that.
- Wow, that is so perfect for you.
- Sam, that pig is adorable.
- I know!
I gotta get my...
Somebody take some pictures.
- All right.
Do angles.
Portrait mode, portrait mode.
- You're posing
before any of us got our phones out.
- I'm practicing!
- Give us a second.
- Okay, hang on.
- I look at Jammer and go,
"My phone doesn't have a camera."
- We know, we know, there's no screen.
Yep, mm-hmm.
- Angles, angles, hit your angles.
- Angle, elbow.
- Oh my god, yes.
- Y'all were fully
charged when you got here.
You're at like, 12% now.
[group groaning]
- That's still picture taking-
- It's enough to get the photos.
We'll post them later.
- Yeah.
- I need you...
I'm gonna call this a Flight roll.
- Okay, we can do a Flight roll.
- I'm gonna make the
difficulty a 10 for you.
- We can make this. Yeah,
let's do it, let's do it.
- Just something spicy.
- That's a two!
We're not gonna Adverse...
Oh, that's a two plus two, equals four.
So, that's a failUre.
- You need a 10?
- I need a 10.
Don't give me...
You don't have to give me six.
Six?
- Well, can I...
Instead of giving him-
- Aabria just gave me a little-
- Adversity tokens, Dream is like,
"I got this, I'm fairly sure
I have a handle on this now,"
and magics to find one.
It's like, [sighs] come to me.
Yeah.
- Okay.
- What are you...
Casting a spell?
Are you helping?
- Yeah.
Casting a spell to help, yes.
- Okay, hold on.
'Cause what happened in that moment
was just sort of a snap reaction
to a thing that was happening.
So, as you go to pull out your phone
and you clock that the battery's gone,
your basketball slips
out of your duffel bag.
[ball bouncing]
Just sort of rolls away and hits the end
of one of the little pens.
- I think I wait a second
to see if any of the animals
are attracted to the basketball,
knowing that if one of them
was, that would be my animal.
Nobody's gonna do it, all right.
- And you wait a couple seconds to see,
and all the animals kinda
look at it and look at you,
and then the basketball slowly
begins to roll back to you.
- I think I immediately kick it away.
[laughing]
- Fight roll, difficulty of five.
- Okay, great.
Fight my basketball real quick.
That is a four.
So, I think I lose to my basketball.
Yeah, I lose to my...
I could never beat my basketball.
I could never-
- You go to kick it,
and your basketball jukes out of the way,
almost breaking your own ankles.
- Oh!
[squeaks]
- I, from the ground, "Respect.
Respect."
[laughing]
- And your basketball,
while you're on the ground,
kind of rolls back over to you
and nudges you in the leg.
- I pick it up.
I think...
I roll it away again to
see if it comes back.
- It rolls, hits a pen, gets
just enough to start dribbling,
and it dribbles back over to you.
Does a little figure 8 around your legs.
- Oh, hell yes.
I immediately spin.
- Yeah!
- I got my familiar.
- That's so cool!
- That's so perfect for you.
- This is cool.
I honestly was really nervous
about getting an animal
because I'm also pretty bad with pets,
mostly 'cause none of
our pets were real pets,
we would just adopt cats
that were living around.
It was just-
- They kind of live outside.
- Exactly.
- They're outdoor cats.
- And you would try to pet
them and they'd scratch you,
and you'd be like, well yeah,
we didn't do this right.
But this, this I know.
- I love it.
Dude, all the wizards who've been here
have been super mean and snooty and stuff,
and this is like, eff them, man.
It's like, you didn't
want an animal anyway.
This is perfect.
I love it.
I love that it's gonna T-O all
these jerk wizards, you know?
- I need you to make...
Oh god, what do I want this to be?
Grit roll.
Difficulty of 10?
- Oh, that's it, I make it.
I make it by 12.
- Oh, yeah.
- Make it by two.
- Go off.
- You're good.
And as you're watching all of this happen,
you notice you look, and on your shoulder
is just a little chipmunk
wearing a very cute sweater
with patches on the elbow.
And he turns to you and says,
"That is cute, isn't it?"
- What the f*ck?
- "Oh, language.
We don't have to talk like that, dearie."
- Oh my god.
- Is that the chipmunk saying that?
- Yup! All of you understand.
- I look over
and there's a giant boa
constrictor in the corner
and I kind of try to sidle
up to it and be like.
- "Oh, please don't get closer.
It will eat me."
- What?
No, no, no.
- "No, it absolutely would.
It is a boa constrictor."
- You know-
- Dream, that's incredible.
That's an incredibly useful familiar.
Your familiar can talk.
- "Hello, it's nice to meet you."
- Hi, I'm Evan Kelmp.
- "Hi."
- Tiny little hand.
- "I have a little hand."
- Hello.
- "What's my name?"
- [stammering] I don't.
But wait, yours is cute
and Instagrammable,
and yours is your basketball,
mine's, no, no, this can't-
- "I'm very smart, I make very nice tea.
I can don clothing.
I'm actually no slouch with a mop."
- All of Dream's...
You're seeing the same
thing I'm seeing, right?
- Yeah.
- "I need a name."
- Look, I've known her since I was a kid.
It's interesting.
- Theodore.
Theodore, I don't know.
- [Aabria] "Theodore, oh that's perfect.
Hello.
Hello, I'm Theodore."
- You're really-
- This is super cute.
- "It's so nice to meet you."
- This is the cutest
thing in the whole world.
- No, no it's not cute!
I bet that you're secretly like,
some sort of like...
You're amazing at fighting, right?
You go in and crawl inside
somebody's intestine, or something.
- "Oh, not at all, but
I'm great at a bicycle.
You know the bicycles with
the really big front thing."
- No, no, no, no!
- "I'd like a tiny
one of those."
- A chipmunk on a tiny bike.
- You have a penny-farthing bicycle?
- "You know what it's called!"
- Yeah!
Also called velocipede.
- "Oh my goodness.
He's lovely."
- You know both names?
Wow.
- Just top that.
- I mean, Dream,
it feels like you and this
incredibly cute chipmunk
are gonna get along great.
- "Absolutely."
And he gives you a little pat on your ear.
- Are you gonna cry?
- This close to tears.
- "Don't cry.
If you have to cry,
just sing a song and
you'll feel much better."
- No, I can't.
- Oh.
[laughing]
- Oh, god.
Oh, god.
- I feel like this is not
going according to her fanfic.
- This isn't working for her at all.
- Hey.
Hey, buddy.
Hey, Dream.
- It's dark, I'm dark.
I'm so spooky.
- You're the spookiest, bud.
- I am.
Man, yeah.
I'm just, queen of darkness,
I was supposed to have
you know, something gothic.
And look, no offense, Theodore.
- "None taken, probably."
- But I just...
I was supposed to have something
really brooding and
badass, and just, you're-
- "I smoke a little pipe."
[Brennan screams]
- I mean, I love my basketball,
but Theodore sounds amazing.
- Okay, you're right.
You know what?
- Dream,
I know that it's not the
aesthetic, but think about it,
now, no matter where you go,
you're gonna have someone to talk to.
You won't have to go days and days
without talking to anybody.
- Is that what you do?
- Dream, stop interacting with me.
I know I started a conversation with you,
but it doesn't have to be about me,
it can be about things that are about you.
- I don't know, I sort of do best
with examining the lives of others,
and sort of breaking them down into tropes
that I can call out to-
- Real people aren't
tropes, though, you know?
I'm not a character.
- You like an awful lot
like Kylo Ren, though.
- Okay, I'm gonna find an animal.
[laughing]
And I'm going to...
I just realized saying "I'm
not a character" out loud
is a very trippy-
[laughing]
- It was a weird world-
- My mind split in half and I observed
the curvature of the universe.
- Evan really believes that.
[laughing]
Am I a character right now?
How am I not myself?
How am I not myself?
I'm gonna go into the
pen and just be like,
"Just be normal, just be
normal, just be normal,"
and walk into the pen.
- You walk into the pen and...
Charm roll, difficulty of eight.
[cheerful music]
That's doable.
I'm nice.
- He can do it.
He can do it.
- Yeah.
- Well.
[laughing]
- No.
- "How'd you do, buddy?"
Mm.
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
With a one, and keep in
mind that I did say before
that more than five becomes interesting.
- Oh, wow.
- So, what you see,
is every animal just slams their bodies
back against the edges of the pen
trying to get as far away
from you as possible.
And Danielle, what extra
worst thing do the animals do
to just get out of Evan's radius?
- Oh, they're all trying to leave?
- Mm-hmm, just add a
little something for me.
- Well, a couple of them
start spittin' blood,
and the blood's coming out,
and then the ones that are trying to rush
are just slipping and
falling in that blood
because there's kind of so much of it.
And it would be cute if it was
chocolate milk or something,
but it's definitely dark, dark blood
that animals are now skidding
'cause they're trying to get away
and then falling and
covering themselves in it.
- There's three otters
just slicked with black
blood in the corner,
slipping and sliding, grabbing each other,
trying to do the otter hand holding thing
as they slide and screech
and try to get away from you.
- I'm gonna quickly step
back out of the pen.
Uh.
This might not happen for me, so.
- "What the dukes?"
And a very slender, short,
petite elven-looking woman
kind of comes over.
[stammer] "What?
What is that?
Hey!"
- I'm sorry, it wasn't...
It really wasn't intentional.
- "No.
Hold on.
Why has nothing...
You have a-"
- Yeah, I got one.
- "Okay, I'm gonna...
I don't think we had...
Did we have a basketball before?
No? No?
No, no.
So, I'm gonna charge you for that anyway
'cause it was not...
Was it sentient before you came in?"
- No, it would not roll back to me
or break my own ankle previously.
- "I think that counts as
a familiar finding you here
and you will be charged full price.
You have...
Oh, that's adorable."
And Theodore gives a little
bow and she curtsies.
"Beautiful.
Amazing, yes.
And we're at the end of the line
and you've caused some-"
- If you have a mop, I can clean up.
- "No, please don't get
anywhere near the pen.
Hold on.
May I interact with you, please?"
- Yeah, if you want.
- "Okay, hold on."
And she pulls out an angular
shard of prismatic glass,
holds it up to you and then
holds it up to your eyes,
and then over your shoulders
and over your chest,
and when she passes over your heart,
she drops it and steps back.
Says, "Oh. [clears throat]
The thing I'm going to say, I
don't want to be alarming...
I'm not going to charge you.
You have a familiar-"
- I know.
- "Yes."
- I know.
- "Then you know
clear to stay far away from...
It's a shadow.
Everyone, please look down."
And you look down and
there's torchlight everywhere
and you're all throwing
interesting shadows.
Evan has thrown none this entire time.
- Holy sh*t!
[laughing]
- "And if you see it-"
- I know, run.
- "Stay away."
- I know, run.
I know.
I've seen it before and
I run, I understand.
- "Run.
It has fed recently."
- Oh, that's so bad.
- "It was pleased."
- Your shadow feeds?
- What does that mean?
- "Nothing for you to worry about!
Off you go.
Please leave my store.
I'll give you a discount
if you go quickly.
Yes, yes, yes."
- All right, yeah.
- Okay.
- "Three gold.
Three gold, three gold."
- I understand, I'm not-
- "Do you want a sweet?
You want a candy?"
- Yeah.
I can't turn it down, yeah.
- "Here you go."
And she slowly offers you a little toffee.
- Thank you.
- "Whoo.
Get out of my store. Thank
you, thank you, thank you.
Goodbye."
- Yeah, I think we head out.
Well, you guys wanna eat?
Or you wanna get some clothes, or?
- You guys don't have to hang out with me
if you don't wanna.
I know it sucks to be around me.
You just saw a bunch
of animals vomit blood.
I know that sucks.
You don't have to hang
around me if you don't want.
- You are so dark.
- Yeah.
[laughing]
- Theodore just starts shifting
uncomfortably on your shoulder,
like, "You seem to be heating up
and getting a little slick.
I'm losing my footing here."
- On my shoulder?
- "Yeah.
It's kind of sweaty
and I don't want to
hurt you with my claws."
- I...
Yeah, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry I didn't...
I feel like I'm f*cking
up this day for you guys.
I'm really sorry.
- Are you joking?
You're clearly a chosen dark lord.
- Please don't say that!
- Oh my god!
You have special powers-
And it should've been me, yes, absolutely.
I should've been some
sort of queen of darkness,
I prayed to Satan long enough for this-
- "Oh, he's not real.
He died a long time ago."
- Oh my god.
- You and the pig, I don't
know what you have in common
that you both think that-
- "The pig?
Continue."
- This is the raddest thing ever.
You are so cool!
Oh my god!
Look, I will...
Okay, I'm sorry for bringing up
your past history with
animals and everything,
and maybe you're right,
maybe I should see you
as a whole human being
and not be reductive in the
way that I was previously,
but oh my god, you are so cool
and we are gonna nurture
this gift inside of you.
- I don't wanna bring the mood down
because I'm actually okay right now.
I really am okay right now.
This is the best day I've
had in a long, long time.
I've lost a lot of families
and housing situations
and places that I can be
because I'm really dangerous to be around.
It's not cool, and it's
not something that...
You're swooning even more
as I say the sad things.
Look, you're welcome to
think that this is...
I guess on a technical level
it is certainly interesting.
If you guys see a shadow in my shape,
and I know that I'm pretty tall and gangly
and the shadow probably
looks like that, just run.
I don't know how any of it works.
There's a light here and it's hitting me,
and there's also light
behind me on the ground,
'cause that's how light works,
is it's bouncing off of
me, so what's that light?
We don't know.
[slow music]
Look, the thing I talked to
the headmistress about earlier
was basically just,
I'm just basically here
to talk to a wizard doctor
and try to get this removed.
You've made ice cream today,
and your basketball came to life.
You guys clearly belong
here and should be here
and should be learning magic.
I'm basically just here
to get this, [clicks]
just out of me,
and just be able to have a life, you know?
- Well, we don't want you
to not hang out with us,
you're Team Muggle.
- Yeah, man.
- "You can't say that."
- Okay, Team Mugs.
Mug's Mug, I don't know.
- I'ma say the whole word,
I'ma say it every time.
- Digsby's sort of across,
a couple steps away,
the three of them have been
sort of watching over you.
"Don't say it.
It's weird when you say it."
- I mean, you know,
it sounds to me like so
far, your whole life,
this magical ability has been
making things hard for you,
it has pushed people away from you,
but now it has the ability to
bring people to you, you know?
It brought us all together, so-
- "There's lots of evil
wizards in the world.
I'm sorry, I didn't mean to cut in, but-"
- I'm going to stand up.
And was this Digsby who said this?
- Uh-huh.
- I am going to point to him and say,
"I am not an evil wizard!"
And I think I wanna make a Fight check.
- Yeah!
- Oh, listen to that bass in your voice.
- Give me a Fight roll,
please include your Magic die.
Difficulty of-
- This is scary.
[Brennan laughs]
- It should be hard 'cause
you're not holding your wand.
- Mm-hmm.
- Let's go Fight roll, difficulty of 15.
- Oh no, you made that-
- I'm going to halve mine,
and when I halve mine and add my bonuses,
it's automatically an 18.
But do I add my Magic die to that?
- No.
- No, cool.
- No, that's fine.
- Cool, cool, cool.
- That's fine.
- That'll do.
- That'll do.
[laughing]
- So, I'm not even holding my wand,
but just point at him and
say, "I'm not an evil wizard."
- Yeah, what do you wanna do?
What happens? You tell me.
You won.
- I'm going to point at him,
and I think in my little
grocery bag of socks,
underwear, and T-shirts-
- Buddy-
- That my wand blasts out of the box
and tears it to tatters
and snaps into my hand.
And I send Digsby-
- Yeah.
- We watched space behind him collapse.
You know like when a fast camera motion
of zooming through streets and cliffs
and stuff like that?
- Yeah.
- I just bend the space behind him
to throw him on a rock
in the middle of the sea.
Just. [whooshes]
I don't actually wanna k*ll him.
Right now I am maintaining
enough composure
to not destroy him.
- This is a fun thing
because normally you don't get to decide
if something's lethal or not.
- Oh, sorry, I didn't know that.
- But I'll let you have this
one 'cause it's the first day.
Don't roll this high again.
[laughing]
- He didn't roll!
- I did not know
that I was-
- Yeah!
That's fun for me.
- So yeah, in that case...
- No, you did it.
Sir, you did it.
And Digsby disappears from view.
He just sort of, concussive force hits him
and he collapses in on himself
and disappears backward.
And Tallulah and Fergus look
over and look shocked at you,
and then quickly recompose
themselves into calm demeanor.
And you can see the beads
of sweat and confusion,
and all of you can hear the
whispers of people talking.
[indistinct whispering]
And you hear, "Dark One?
Interesting."
And murmurs begin.
[mysterious music]
And all of the attention
on this little alley
in this magical place
at the beginning of your magical adventure
is centered on you four.
And that's where we're going
to leave off episode one
of our show!
[cheering]
- Hey, hey, hey, hey.
[clapping]
- Yay!
- Hey.
- Hell yes.
- I don't remember if there's an outro
that I have to do.
- No, that's it.
- Okay, cool!
- Oh my god.
- You, you see it almost magically,
this ripple of possibility
that you've seeded,
especially in the youngest students
who are realizing, we're on our own
and we make our own choices here.
"I mean, every house has a team,
but we're the ones that
win the cup every year."
- Hey, we'll see about that.
- "What the f*ck?
Why are you doing that?"
- Why don't you go hang
out on an island, my guy?
[indistinct] House!
[laughing]
And I run back to join my friends.
I just told Digsby to suck it.
- Gonna do a lot of magic here.
- Hey, I sent baby powder out of my wand.
I can do this.
I can summon wind.
- What is the target again?
- You learned how to move
a tiny amount of dirt
and you're like, "Got it."
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10x01 - The Chosen Ones
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A tabletop role-playing game show produced by and broadcast on Dropout and created and generally hosted by Brennan Lee Mulligan as the show's regular Dungeon Master.
A tabletop role-playing game show produced by and broadcast on Dropout and created and generally hosted by Brennan Lee Mulligan as the show's regular Dungeon Master.