Now, Carrie,
this is the beginning...
of a wonderful, special
time in your life...
that you'll never have back.
Your college years.
That one's my wife,
Grace, remember? The other
one's our daughter.
? Let it shi-i-ine?
So it is.
? Oooh, let it shine?
Tess, honey,
this is the beginning
of a wonderful, special
time in your life.
Mom, come on.
Part of being a mother
means that I get to give you
this little speech.
Part of being a daughter
means that if you say
another word,
I'll go to my first college
boyfriend's for Thanksgiving
instead of coming home.
Well, then
I'll just have to k*ll him
and recapture you.
You won't know
where they live.
If he's enrolled here,
believe you me,
I'll know where he lives.
? Feels like it's coming
from my very soul?
? And this reflection oflove?
? And all that
you've given me?
? Will never fade away?
Hey, Mom, bye!
See you in a couple years.
? It's getting brighter
all the time?
? So much brighter
and I'm gonna let it?
? Shine?
? This light ofmine
I'm gonna let it?
? Shine?
? Letyour love shine?
? People of the world?
? I'm gonna let it shine?
?? [Vocalizing]
? Like a star
in the midnight sky?
? Burning bright?
? I will always
be there foryou?
? Like the sun
during the light of day?
? We've got the light oflove
to see us through?
?? [Continues, Indistinct]
Listen, I'm, uh--
I'm sorry.
Just like that?
"I'm sorry"?
I told you when we first
started that, uh--
I know.
But... we did.
Yeah, well, now
I don't want to anymore.
Bye, Christopher.
? I'm gonna keep on
shining on?
? I'll make it through
any storm?
? In the dark?
? In the dark?
? Of the night?
? Of the night?
? You're the light?
? You are the light?
? In myli-i-ife?
? Nothing can hold us back?
? No shadows on the wall?
? No?
? It's getting brighter?
? Brighter?
? All the time?
? Brighter?
? So much brighter?
? And I'm gonna let it shine?
? Letyour love shine?
? This light ofmine?
? This light ofmine?
? I'm gonna let it shine?
? Letyour love shine?
? People of the world
I'm gonna let it?
? Shine?
? Letyour love shine?
? This light ofmine?
? This light ofmine?
? I'm gonna let it shine?
? Letyour love shine?
? People of the world
I'm gonna let it?
? Shine?
? Letyour love shine?
? This light ofmine?
[Fades Out]
[Horn Honks]
[Radio Newscaster]
The forecast: cloudy, windy
and cold this morning,
warming up a bit this afternoon
with a few sudden breaks--
[Continues, Indistinct]
Good morning.
Morning.
What?
[Indistinct]
? Another Monday
stuck in traffic?
? I remember knowing
what was going on with you?
? And ifmylovinglasted?
? It wouldn't be this?
? Wouldn't be this?
? We'd be heading off
to Boston?
? So I ticked off
my accomplishments?
? Set my sights, the last one?
? Wouldn't be this
Wouldn't be this?
? Wouldn't be this?
? Wouldn't be this
Wouldn't be this?
? Wouldn't be this?
? Standing on the corner?
?? [Song Fades]
[ Bell Chiming]
Hey, buddy.
Hey, nice to see you,
Mr. Christopher.
What do we got?
Thank you.
[Woman]
Hello?
Hello.
Almost through in here,
Mrs. Fienstein.
You know, Christopher, I've
heard that Combat works
better than that spray.
Oh, come on,
Mrs. Fienstein.
Knock it off.
You're better off
k*lling them with your--
Hands! That's what
your father and I used...
when we started
the company in 1945.
We didn't need
all these fancy sprays.
That's not true, Mom.
Just k*ll the c*ck!
They're c*ck.
c*ck is a whole
different thing.
Hi. It's Grace Minor
from Mentors of New York.
[ Man] Who?
It's Grace Minor,
Mentors of New York.
She'll be down
in a minute.
Okay.
Arthur, now look,
it's very important...
that we appear stable
and in control.
Do you understand?
These people have had enough
craziness in their life.
They look to us
for some relief. A little
joy, a little peace.
Okay.
[Sobbing]
Can I just show you
something?
This is my little girl.
Isn't she so little
and so sweet?
Oh, she's beautiful.
- Oh, beautiful.
- There she is at five.
And now she's gone.
You know, she's gone away
forever, and I--
[Sobbing Continues]
I'm sorry.
Oh, I know this is
really inappropriate,
and I'm so sorry.
You know, I think that--
I think thatJuaquin and Arthur
are gonna make a good pair.
Everything's gonna be fine.
[Sobbing]
It's a wonderful time for her.
And more importantly, it's
a wonderful time foryou.
You should be rejoicing,
not hysterical.
Yeah. I just got
blind-sided.
I know. But I'm gonna give you
a strong dose ofreality here
thatyou may not want to hear.
This has less to do with Tess
going off to college...
than the fact that you
haven't gotten laid in 15 years.
- That's absurd!
- Grace, we're your friends.
It's not normal.
You are a red-blooded,
sexy 54-year-old woman.
You gotta get out there
and date and have some
men in your life.
What about the fling
I had in, uh, in Greece
with that Italian man?
[ Laughing]
That was ten years ago.
Seven.
- I need to get laid.
- No sh*t.
But, I don't know,
where do you meet them?
Everywhere.
Bars, museums--
Oh, great, great.
So if I don't get stabbed
to death by Richard Gere,
I get my throat cut
by Michael Caine in an elevator.
Looking for Mr. Goodbar,
Dressed to k*ll. Don't you
people watch movies?
Richard Gere was not the k*ller
in Looking for Mr. Goodbar.
- Oh, well, whatever.
- Although it is a little
disheartening...
that there's no movie
about a woman over 35...
who's interested in sex
that doesn't get decapitated.
[All Laughing]
Oh, well, wait a minute.
What are we thinking?
What was that Internet
video dating thing
you told me about?
Oh, my God, it's perfect.
Perfect!
??
- Here you go, guys.
- Thanks, Shawna.
At what age would you imagine
senility might invite a man...
to leave his house dressed
for work and omit his pants?
Ninety, maybe eighty-five.
I think it's sooner.
How old is your a*s anyway?
Sixty?
Fifty-four. Why?
Never gonna
get married again?
No.
That's too bad.
I really liked Allison.
I liked Allison.
That's not the point.
You don't have to live
the rest of your life
alone, Christopher.
I'm not alone.
I have you.
Excuse me.
Sorry to interrupt.
I just wanted to tell you
I've seen you here before.
This is so embarrassing.
I really like your music.
Well, that makes us kindred
spirits, because I'm generally
embarrassed by my music as well.
[Laughs]
No, that's not what I mean.
I know what you meant.
That's very kind of you.
Thank you very much.
Could I buy you a drink?
No, I don't think so.
That's very sweet. Thank you.
It's just one drink.
No, it's fine. Thanks.
Okay.
No, that's not--
Hold on a second.
Okay.
Now.
Is that good?
Yeah, this-- this is, uh--
This isn't
gonna be happening.
Ohh.
Sorry.
[Sighs]
Okay.
Well, don't worry about it.
I mean, it happens.
[ Laughs]
I swear to you, this is--
Oh, this has never-- it's
never happened to me before.
[Sighing]
Well... how long has it
been since you've been
with a woman?
What do you mean?
I mean as opposed
to a man.
Are you joking?
No.
What, are you serious?
[ Laughs]
Yeah.
I'm not--I'm not g*y.
[ Laughing]
I didn't think you were g*y.
But you're bi, right?
Why would you--Wh-What--
What makes you think I'm bi?
I don't know.
It's just a vibe.
I mean... it's not
a negative thing.
I think it's sexy.
[Giggling]
Now you listen to me.
I am, I am into women,
and this has never--
this has never
happened to me before.
Okay.
Don't worry about it.
It's not a big deal.
Let's just go to sleep,
and in the morning
I'm sure you'll be--
Hard as a rock, baby!
[Intense Moaning]
Hard as a rock, yeah!
Oh, yeah! I'm back!
Ahhh! I'm back!
[ Moaning Continues]
Yeah! Oh, yeah! Oh, yeah!
What did I tell you?
Huh? What did I tell you?
Hard as a rock.
I knew you had it
in you, cowboy.
[Screams]
[Gasps, Panting]
Thank you, Steve.
You're welcome.
So now you're
an impotent g*y guy?
No, I'm not impotent...
but I, I could be g*y.
Well, it makes sense.
You've been sleeping with
women for the past 40 years.
It's bound to get
a little predictable.
Why not explore the last
unknown frontier?
Yeah. That's exactly
what I'm thinking.
You're thinking
about sucking dicks?
I'm not thinking
about sucking dicks,
per se, but I--
yeah, I could.
That's f*cked up.
What the hell are you
talking about? You just said--
Look, look, look.
We've all had g*y dreams.
Just a bunch of, you know,
holes and dicks...
and things just getting
mixed up in there.
Instead of pussies and t*ts,
every once in a while...
an accidental dream,
a mistake, doesn't mean
you're f*cking g*y.
But I had trouble
getting it up.
You're 54 years old.
That's normal.
Yeah, well, I didn't
have trouble getting it up
when I was f*cking that guy.
It was a dream.
I'm just thinking of,
you know, starting off...
with a chick with a d*ck,
you know, as a segue.
Look, first of all, they're
not chicks with dicks.
They're guys with t*ts.
There's a big difference.
All right, whatever.
But they happen to make them
very pretty now.
Let me get this straight.
As a segue to trying
a regular, real g*y guy,
Mm-hmm.
because you've decided
your inability...
to have a long-term
relationship with a woman...
is due not to your fear
of intimacy...
but because you've realized
at the age of 54...
that you've been a g*y man
all this time...
trapped in a straight
man's body,
you are gonna f*ck a guy
with fake t*ts?
Yep. Now, look at this.
What the f*ck--
What is that?
The sex pages.
These are pictures
of real, real--
You are not g*y.
You are f*cked up...
about your mother,
about your ex-wife,
about your son...
and a lot ofother sh*t
that Christopher's avoiding
dealing with,
but you are not g*y.
Believe me, I wish
it was that simple.
Would you just
humor me, please?
Oh, what the f*ck?
That's f*cking sh*t.
Just pick one out.
- g*dd*mn.
- Oh, g*dd*mn.
That's what
I'm talking about.
Wh-What is the extra number
in the measurement there?
- What extra number?
- The, uh, "36-25-36--"?
Yeah, that's the--
that's the chick.
But the 9, the 9.
That's the d*ck.
[Reading Together]
"Hey, I'm Harry Appleton.
What's your name?"
Hi. I'm Grace--
No! Don't use
my real name.
Oh, come on!
No. I'm leaving.
Fine. Fine!
Fine! Sit down.
I'm Fiona-a-a-a Apple--
No, you idiot!
That's a real person.
Barge. Fiona Applebarge.
What a coincidence.
Appleton, Applebarge.
Maybe we're distantly related.
If we were, do you find that
sexy or gross?
Stop it!
That is disgusting.
[Reading Together]
"Oh, a bad girl. Me likey."
[ Laughing]
Wait, wait.
Guys, guys, guys.
"How old are you?"
Oh, that's it!
I'm leaving!
No, no, no, no!
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
How-- How old are you?
All right. What?
You want me to lie?
Yes.
No! Absolutely not!
I'm 54! 54!
You're 56!
All right, all right,
all right, 54.
How old are you?
Oh, yeah, he's 42!
What do you do?
[ Reading Together]
"Promise not to hold it
against me?"
Promise.
"I'm an actor, but
I actually have managed
to support myself...
for the last 20 years,
so I'm a real one."
Come on. There's
nothing with that.
I am not going out
with an actor.
He's an actor. Please?
Come on!
Give him a chance!
He might be a great actor.
Laurence Olivier.
Wait. Got a picture?
[ Reading Together]
"Never thought you'd ask."
[Quiet Chattering]
[All Screaming]
He's fabulous!
I love him.
Not a chance
in hell!
No way!
You're going out
with the conquistador.
[Siren Wailing]
[Woman Screaming]
[Distant Shouting]
Hi. I'm Alex. Come on in.
Is this your first time?
Yes. This is my
first time with a--
What are you--
What are you called?
Alex.
[Chuckles]
Yes, this is my first time
with a... Alex.
[Man]
Miss Applebarge?
Fiona Applebarge?
- Oh, right.
- Hi.
Hi.
[Chuckles]
Harry Appleton.
I'm Gra--Great.
I'm great. Hi.
I'm-I'm Fiona Applebarge. Oh.
[ Laughs]
I'm Fiona Applebarge. Hi.
Hi. A vodka martini, please.
Extra olives.
[ Laughs]
Oh, that's--
So, um...
well, you don't quite
look like your picture.
How so?
Well, the suit of armor
was a little big for you.
I mean,
unless you were standing
next to a Shetland pony.
Touché.
[ Laughs]
- [Dog Growls]
- Shh, shh, shh.
It's okay, Pinky.
He's a friend. Right?
So what do you want to do?
What are my, uh--
What are my options?
Well, pretty much anything
under the sun, baby.
[Chuckles]
That's the fun part.
[ Nervous Chuckle]
And you are a--You have
a fully functioning, uh--
Nine inches of one.
Uh-huh. And, uh,
your breasts are--
Top of the line, baby.
Why don't you
come on over here...
and conduct this interview
up close and personal?
That'll answer
all of your questions.
Okay, see here,
I got a problem.
See, you don't, uh,
you don't look, um--
you don't look anything
like the, uh, like the picture.
Let's see. Oh, yeah.
[Chuckles]
That's before
I had my hair straightened.
Okay, give me the picture.
Give me the picture!
It has nothing to do
with the, uh, with the hair.
You see, what this is--
This is a picture of a beautiful
Playboy model-type woman,
and, uh, andyou are a--
you're a disturbing-looking--
f*ck, I have
no idea what you are.
Um, I'm gonna go, okay?
Why do you have to be mean?
I don't wanna be mean.
I'm gonna go and I'm sorry.
I don't mean to hurt
your feelings.
Don't go. Give me a chance,
will ya? You're so silly.
Don't touch me, okay?
Just relax!
I'm relaxed, all right?
Now, look, here's the deal.
I'm embarrassed for myself,
and I'm just trying to--
It's... just an experiment.
- Come on, let's experiment.
- I will physically harm you.
- Now back up!
- You're closing some doors.
Back away.
Well, you know--
Back away.
Well, okay. All right,
all right, okay.
No, I can tell.
[ Laughing]
So have you always
wanted to be an actor?
Since I was little.
Yeah?
Yeah.
Since I was little.
Well, since you
were little... what?
No.
I've always wanted to be
an actor since I was little--
since I was
a little boy, period.
[ Laughing]
Oh, I'm so, so sorry.
I, I, I thought you meant
"Since I was little,"
something, something,
something.
You know,
"Since I was little,
it was really hard.
I had to struggle through.
I got depressed."
Could I have a drink, please?
I'm just so sorry.
Do you know this is my
first date in seven years?
No, it is.
[ Laughing]
And my daughter just
went off to college!
Oh! g*dd*mn it!
I just promised myself
I wasn't gonna do that
anymore!
Where's the drink?
I'm so sorry.
Where are you going?
Uh, it was very nice
meeting you, Fiona,
but I don't think
it's going to work out.
Oh, Harry.
Come on now.
Just because you weren't quite
what I expected doesn't mean--
No, no, Fiona...
you weren't quite
what I expected.
Good luck.
[Sobbing]
What does that mean?
I wasn't quite what he expected.
Was he just being mean?
I mean, he was a m*dget
in a suit of armor,
for Christ's sake.
I wasn't insulting him.
You just weren't right
for each other.
- He said,
"Since I was little--"
- We know, honey.
It's an understandable mistake
if you're waiting for...
a very small man
to continue a sentence...
that begins,
"Since I was little," right?
- Absolutely.
- Back again, girls.
You're a 'tini.
You're a 'tini.
You're an Amstel.
See ya!
?? [Disco]
How did we end up
in a g*y bar anyway?
Well, you said to wait for you
at the bar on the corner.
- This is the bar on the corner.
- Oh.
Well, you know what?
It's perfect.
You know what?
We can relax! Yeah!
We're gonna have fun!
We're gonna dance!
Oh, we're gonna party!
Yeah! Come on!
? Oh, yeah, ohhh?
[Man Whistles]
Taxi!
? I've been around
enough to know?
? How hard it is to find?
? Someone who can satisfy me
body, soul and mind?
? But since
we've been together?
? You have filled
my every need?
? There's no one else
I wanna see?
? No place I'd rather be?
? Never saygood-bye?
? You know I'll never go?
? I'll always be lovingyou?
? Never saygood-bye?
Hi. I'll have a Heineken.
?? [Continues, Indistinct]
Thank you. Hello.
Hey.
I'm Craig.
What is it?
Craig.
Hey, Craig.
How are you doing? I'm--
I'm, um--
[ Nervous Chuckle]
What?
Oh, my God!
What?
Oh, my God!
What?
I've completely
forgotten my name.
[ Laughs]
Maybe it's nerves.
Could be.
I forget things when
I'm a little nervous.
Oh, yeah? Yeah.
Well, uh, say, that's a--
that's a nice tan.
And the rest of it--
tsk, tsk, very nice.
Thanks. I work out
quite a bit.
I can see that. As do I,
but I don't seem to have--
Christopher!
That's my name.
It's Christopher.
[ Laughing]
Hi, Christopher.
Wow. So, uh, listen, Craig,
you gotta help me out
because I--
well, I'm interested
in exploring...
if after a lifetime
of heterosexuality,
I might have a penchant
for an alternative lifestyle.
Um, I just don't know
how it works in here.
Um, I've heard about
the, uh, handkerchief
signaling system.
But, um, I don't have
a handkerchief.
[ Laughing]
And, hey,
will a bar napkin do?
And if it will,
if I want to be on top,
what do I do?
Do I put it
in my left pocket?
And let's say I want to have my,
you know, my c*ck sucked,
Hmm.
do I put it
in my right pocket?
If I'm into S&M, what do I do?
Just stuff it in my mouth?
[ Laughing]
You see my dilemma?
I don't know
what to do in here.
I'd like to push you
all the way to San Diego.
See, that's what I'm
talking about. I have absolutely
no idea what that means.
Oh, my God.
Does that help clear
things up a little?
Yes. Yes, it does.
And thank you, because that's--
you're a very good kisser.
I'm sorry.
Uh, but I'm not quite sure
that I'm aroused at all.
Maybe-- Maybe kissing
isn't enough.
Maybe you just, you know,
maybe you have to blow me.
[Scoffs]
Go f*ck yourself.
Hi.
Hi.
Top or bottom?
I'm gonna go get a drink.
Okay.
- Hi.
- Hi.
Amstel Light, please.
Beautiful breasts.
Oh.
Fake, right?
At my age, if they stand up
like this, they're mine.
Well, really,
they're very tasteful.
He just did a great job.
Congratulations.
Thank you.
How big is your d*ck?
What?
Never mind. Never mind.
If that freak I was with
looked anything like you,
we'd be locked up like pretzels.
[ Laughing]
You'll have to forgive me.
I-I'm just
out of my element here.
Don't get me wrong.
This is what I needed.
But if you want to continue
the conversation,
you're gonna have to humor
me with regular talk.
I don't understand
all this lingo.
No, me either.
See, I'm not really g*y.
No. But I had this dream.
I was making love
to this woman,
and then, you know,
the woman turned into a man,
and then I started making love
to, to him, and then I said,
"Well, you better check this out
as a possible explanation...
for your continual
disintegration with your
relationships with women."
So, uh, if you're up for this,
I'd really like to experiment
with you.
I mean, if you don't mind
a first-timer.
You f*cking people
are unbelievable.
What f*cking people?
What's perfect about them
when you first meet them?
Who? Who are you
talking about?
The women, your girlfriends.
What's perfect
about them at first?
Everything.
And what's not perfect
about them six months later?
Everything.
[Sighs]
It can be sad
to be a man, can't it?
It's unbearable.
Oh, man, women, women
can't even begin to understand.
But what am I talking about?
You did something about it.
You had the ba*ls
to do something about it...
so to speak.
But, um, can I ask you
a question?
Do they cut 'em off?
Huh? Do they?
Or what, you flip 'em under?
You know what?
This is probably
none of my business.
So what do you say?
You up--You up for this?
I'm a woman.
Ah, I'm sorry. Of course.
No, I mean it.
I mean it!
I'm an actual real woman.
So I wouldn't be
very helpful to your...
experiment.
[ Laughs]
Are you--Are you g*y?
I'm a no.
What's a no?
A "nosexual."
Is that anything other
than what it sounds like?
No.
So, like, a heterosexual,
a person who's--
who has sex
with the opposite sex...
and a bisexual, a person
who has sex with both sexes,
you're a nosexual.
You just don't--
You don't have sex?
- No.
- Why don't you have sex?
Because men are big babies,
and I don't want to take
care of them anymore.
Do you want to have
dinner with me?
I'd love to.
[Waiter]
Ready to order?
I'll have a bacon
cheeseburger deluxe,
extra cheese, extra fries,
two pickles.
Okay.
Yes, I'm gonna have the, um--
I'll have the scrambled
egg whites and, uh...
no potatoes, no toast and
sliced tomatoes instead, please.
Okay.
Do you like that?
Or... are-are you trying
to lose weight?
- Both.
- Oh.
Well, I don't think
you need to lose weight.
- I think you look great.
- Well, thank you.
Okay, I've, uh, drawn up
a list of talking points...
which I'd like you
to glance over, just to, uh,
you know, save us some time.
And feel free to...
ask any questions.
Talking points.
Mm-hmm.
[ Laughing]
Okay.
Okay, I just
want to be clear here.
Okay.
You gave me this list
of... talking points...
Talking points.
because life is short
and you don't want to waste
time with any bullshit.
That's right.
Do I strike you as
a bullshitty kind of person?
No, you strike me as someone
who is just refreshingly direct.
You don't find
most people direct?
No.
Who do you hang out
with, 25-year-olds?
Yes.
Oh.
Oh, other than
my best friend Earl.
Oh, he's not
a 25-year-old?
No, he's my age. He's 54.
So it's the, uh, girls
that you...
sleep with who are 25?
Yes. Exactly.
Well, Earl
wasn't a talking point.
You're right.
And he should be.
And neither were
the 25-year-old girls
you f*ck.
Does that make you angry?
That you f*ck 25-year-olds
or that you left it off
the talking point napkin?
- Either. You sound angry.
- No. Why do you say that?
Because the way you say, "It's
the 25-year-old girls you f*ck."
I like the word "f*ck."
It keeps me
attached to my sexuality
in lieu of the actual act.
Mmm. Thank you.
So, uh, why were you
only married for a year?
Well, it just didn't--
just didn't work out.
Oh, well, if you don't
want to talk about it--
No, I'll talk about it.
Why do you ask me
to ask questions about
the talking point napkins...
if you're just gonna
give evasive answers?
I'm not giving evasive answers.
I couldn't have figured out
that if you're married
for just one year,
it didn't work out?
What am I,
a f*cking idiot?
Is this our first fight?
Are you gonna give
better answers or not?
I'll give better answers.
Sorry.
Hmm.
So... why were you
only married for a year?
Well...
it just didn't work out.
[Grace]
How old is your son?
Thirty-one, and he's married,
and he lives in Montana.
Does he wanna take over
the family-owned
extermination business?
Oh, no, no, no, no.
He loves cows.
Ever since he was a kid.
And so after college
he went out there to have
a, um... cow farm.
[Chuckles]
Really?
Mm-hmm.
Are you guys close?
I love him.
I love him to death.
And you're, um,
a musician?
Yes, and I happen to be
a very... bad musician.
Oh, that's--
And I playjazz down
in the Village, and you must
come down and hear me.
Well, I might
come down and hear you.
Great.
I like jazz.
You know, there's something
wonderfully old-fashioned...
and noble
about exterminators.
No, if this were the '30s,
they would make a movie
about you.
No, I'm-I'm serious.
Only you would be played
by Gary Cooper, of course.
I mean, not Steve Buscemi.
You're not quite right,
are you?
Thank you.
This "spirituality,
no religion" thing--
I get that.
God is good.
Good. God is good.
And that brings us
to "never again."
Uh-oh. "Never again."
Never again.
Oh, it's nothing.
I just don't--I don't want
to fall in love again.
Uh-huh.
I don't think it's possible,
and I don't want to do it.
You don't think it's possible?
Or you don't want to do it?
All of it.
I don't think it's possible,
and I don't want to do it.
I don't want to fall in love,
and I don't want to fall
anywhere.
I just want to--
I don't know--stand up...
and look at my life
when I die.
And I don't want
my self-esteem...
to be some blinking light
on an answering machine.
You know, rushing home
to find out who called...
and if she called
and when will she call
and should I call and--
My God. I mean, my God,
I'm 54 years old. I don't--
It's about right here.
It's about right now.
And I don't--I don't
want that other stuff.
I don't want it anymore.
Ask me what the first thing
on my talking point napkin
would be.
"Never again."
Yeah?
That's my motto.
Get out.
No, it is.
Wow.
Well... this is me.
Hey, I know that building.
I used to do this building.
What?
The exterminating.
I used to do it.
Really?
Mm-hmm.
So you could have
done my apartment?
Did you do my apartment?
No.
Well, how
do you know?
I would
have remembered.
Really?
Well, why didn't
you do my apartment?
[Chuckles]
Oh... I know why.
Because, um,
we didn't sign up.
We use those roach
motels. I'm sorry.
Mmm.
I can't have people spraying
a poison all over my house.
I know. It's fine.
I understand. It's small-minded,
not seeing the big picture,
but I understand.
It's weird.
Yeah.
I mean, we could have
been in the elevator
together, you know?
Mmm.
Why?
Because I would
have remembered.
I'm kind of getting
mixed messages here,
Mr. Never Again.
Yeah, I know,
but I'm confident that
you're damaged enough...
to be in denial
of that fact...
and just find me...
extremely intriguing.
Bye.
Bye.
Going for a run?
What?
- Going for a run?
- Min, now look at me.
- What do you
think I'm gonna do?
- Uh--
All right, don't ever
talk to me again. I'm gonna
have to let you go. Sorry.
Yo, man! That was
my last cigarette!
Talk to me in 40 years.
Hey, Mr. Speedy, it's
not healthy for the lungs
to run that fast, you know?
Supposed to go at a nice--
nice, easy pace.
We're supposed to be
able to have a conversation,
or, you know,
you're not doing it right.
Oh, go f*ck yourself.
Jesus Christ!
[Coughing, Retching]
Hey, you okay?
Get the f*ck away from me.
Oh, okay.
Jesus Christ!
??
? It seemed so right to me?
? It was heaven ?
?Just as sure as life ?
?? [Continues]
Hey! Hey, you came!
- May I join you?
- Please sit down, sit down.
That was great.
Grace, I'm Earl.
Nice to meet you.
You guys were great.
Thank you. We have fun.
I mean, he's actually good,
and I'm having fun.
I thought you had style.
Thank you.
Excuse me.
I have to, uh, cut out.
- No.
- We don't want my wife
coming down here.
Oh. Well... it was
a pleasure to meet you.
Grace, the pleasure's
all mine.
Well, you look--
you look great.
Oh, you too.
[Chuckles]
Uh... you know,
I was thinking.
You know, I just, um--
I want to be clear here.
Okay.
Now, would our
not falling in love...
and standing eye to eye
with our lives...
and not
having a relationship
ever again thing,
would that, um--
would that preclude us
from having sex?
No. Uh--
I mean hypothetically,
of course.
- If we were ever interested.
- Of course, yeah.
Well, good. I mean, you're
not wanting a companion--
you know,
like separate beds,
someone to grow old with
kind of a thing?
No, no, no. We, uh--
We could f*ck our brains out
if we wanted to.
Good. Good. Well, that's--
that's good to know.
[ Moans]
I haven't had sex
in seven years.
I haven't gotten it up
in seven months.
That's not up?
It's up, it's up.
That's as up as it goes.
Is that okay?
Yeah!
[ Moaning]
Ohh!
Oh, that's perfect!
Oh, Mother of God,
does that feel good!
Okay.
[ Moaning Continues]
Tell me what you like.
Yeah? You really
want to know?
Yeah.
Okay. Okay.
[Whispering]
Like that?
Yeah. Yes!
Oh, yeah, I got
more for you.
Okay.
[Whispering]
[ Moaning]
Oh! Oh, yeah! Oh!
It's perfect! Yeah!
Oh, that feels good!
Oh, yeah! Oh! Yeah!
[ Both Moaning]
[Choking]
- You strangled him?
- Mm-hmm.
- How did you know to do that?
- Auto-asphyxiation?
Yeah.
Oh, I don't know.
I saw it on the Nature Channel,
I think. Animals do it.
Oh, right.
How do animals do it?
Grab each other around
the throat with their paws?
[ Laughing]
No. No. They self-induce it
by holding their breaths.
It makes you come harder
if you deprive oxygen to your
brain while you're coming.
Who knew?
Butyou have to be careful.
'Cause seven seconds past
the best orgasm of your life...
is death by choking.
Oh, well, you win some,
you lose some, right, Gracie?
What has gotten into you?
I mean, I know it's been
a while, but--
I told him I wanted him
to f*ck me really hard.
[ Laughing]
Get out of here.
- Slow and hard.
- You did not say that to him.
- What did he say?
- Well, it totally
turned him on.
- And then what happened?
- He f*cked me, I strangled
him and he came.
Oh, right. Mr. Hot Lover
was like all the selfish
b*stards.
He didn't care
whether you came or not.
Oh, no. No.
Uh-uh.
- He cared.
- What?
He went down on me for
what seemed like an eternity.
The most thoughtful, tender,
sexy head I ever had.
And then just as
I was about to come--
I mean, so hard--
he stopped.
He lifted my foot,
he put my toes in his mouth...
and he slowly went inside me.
And the second he was
all the way in, I came like--
I don't even know.
I mean, I just--
[Muttering]
What?
I'm glad my mother
doesn't talk like that.
Oh, well, your mother
was on the front lines
of the sexual revolution.
She helped invent
this kind of talk.
And if you stopped
watching The Real World
and started living in it,
you might have some
juicy stories of your own.
Exactly.
We all birthed feminism.
What's your legacy gonna be?
Jell-O shots?
- And then?
- I freaked out and ran home.
Oh, a moment of sanity.
Ten hours too late.
Hey, you're the one
who told me to have sex.
Sex like a normal person,
not like a porn star.
[Giggling]
Okay, which looks better
with this shirt?
The jeans...
or the black slacks?
Slacks.
Okay.
It's not too dressy?
Not if you wear
sneakers with it.
She's a sexy lady.
Uh, how's she in the sack?
I don't know that I
want to get into that, Earl.
- Excuse me?
- Some things are private.
This is true. It's just that
explicit descriptions...
of your sex life
has never been one of them.
- People can change, my friend.
- Oh, you're changing now?
Yeah. You know,
people can change without
changing sometimes too.
Okay, I don't know what kind
of crazy, Yogi Berra...
double-talk sh*t that was,
but what I do know is,
is that you're running now
and that you're not talking
about your sex life.
- In my book, that's change.
- Okay, what do you think?
- Perfect for a second date.
- We're not dating.
- What are you doing?
- We're hanging out.
- Like you and I are doing?
- That's right, hanging out.
And, uh, who helps you
pick out your outfits for me?
Well, the super.
Or sometimes it's Min,
the elevator man.
It gets--It gets done.
You're always, always
pleased with my outfits,
aren't you?
[Dog Barking]
Want to look around?
I knowyou've been here before.
Oh, well, yeah, but...
the only think I really
saw the other night was God.
I'll ring you later.
[Elevator Door Closes]
Hi.
Hi.
You look so nice.
You look so nice.
Are you hungry?
Starving.
Feel like soul food?
You've come
to the best part of town.
Shall we go?
Right away.
Do you want to order in?
We can do that.
[ Moaning]
The well was
a little dry.
Mm-hmm.
It could take
some filling.
Well, that's good for me,
'cause I've always wanted
to be a gas station attendant.
[ Laughs]
What? Isn't that--
That's not a person
who fills an empty gas tank?
Yeah.
Isn't that what
you said you have?
Well... close enough.
I wanna get it right.
What did you say?
It's fine, it's fine.
"Empty gas tank" is fine.
You can be my
gas station attendant.
Come on now.
No, you be my
gas station attendant.
Come on now. Come on.
What you said is better.
No, it isn't.
What did you say? Well!
Empty well. You--Your--
Your empty well
needed filling.
Good. Fine.
I've always wanted to be--
A well filler.
What the hell
is a well filler?
That's what I'm saying.
Gas station attendant
is better.
Well-- Mmm.
Hey, what are you
doing there?
I need to rummage
through your purse.
No! No! I can't stand
people messing
with my stuff.
Put it down.
What's this? A book?
I hate this.
I really don't like people
messing with my stuff!
I understand.
I don't like it.
Ow! Geez!
Hey, this would be
a bright red wallet.
That's just
so I can find it.
Just put it back.
It's bright so that
I don't lose it.
All right.
I can't see it
if it's black.
What's this?
It's my Palm Pilot.
Your Pontius Pilate?
No, it's my Palm Pilot.
What the hell
is a Palm Pilot?
How can you ask
a question like that?
I don't know what a Palm Pilot--
You could use it to make
breakfast with.
How would I know?
No, it's just--
I put my schedule in there,
my appointments,
my addresses.
I'm bored with your Palm Pilot.
My organization, my life.
[Grace]
Oh.
Ah!
Who's this?
Well, that's my knight
in shining armor.
I keep him with me just to--
to remind myself
what I'm sh**ting for.
I mean...
if I was still sh**ting,
which I'm not.
You know, being a nosexual,
never again-ist.
You're my knight
in shining armor.
Well, that would make you
my, my damsel in distress.
Do you need a little
rescuing, Christopher?
You wear a metal hood...
[ Laughing]
and bring a javelin--
I'm being--
A nice man.
Milk?
Yeah.
- Do you like my house?
- I love it.
Would you feel more comfortable
at your house?
No. I'd rather be here.
Why?
No reason.
So, uh...
why did you take off
that first night?
Oh, I wanted, uh--I wanted
you to have your space.
Did I say I wanted space?
No. No, but I--
I didn't want you to think
that I didn't hear you...
you know,
about "never again."
You wanted space.
Yeah.
Now listen to me.
You must never be afraid
to tell me the truth, ever.
Okay?
Okay.
Good.
- I wanna make that
promise to each other.
- No bullshit?
- No bullshit.
- Okay.
But if we're gonna do it,
then it really has to be
no bullshit. None.
No half bullshit,
no subtle backward motion,
nothing.
Okay.
It's the sexiest
secret going.
No bullshitting?
No bullshitting.
Mystery isn't sexy,
it's anxiety-provoking.
[Grace] What the hell is that?
[Natasha]
You gotta keep it going.
Ugh! We are having
incredible sex!
Grace, listen to me.
If you even want a chance
to keep him, use this.
- Especially him.
- Oh, what does that
supposed to mean?
Mr. "I'm Open to Exploring."
Oh! This is disgusting!
[Scoffs]
Look at this.
This is the problem.
This is what's...
wrong with people's perception
about what is sexy--
sex toys, sex shops, porn.
This whole industry--
It is k*lling romantic love.
It is k*lling
what is truly sexy sex,
which is what we have,
and I will be no part of it!
Hi.
So, um--
Do you have, uh...
a wig section?
- Excuse me?
- Do you have a wig section?
You know, wigs--
wigs for the head.
- This isn't Bloomingdale's.
- Oh, thank you.
Yeah. I'm aware of that.
Oh! Aha. Hmm.
[Chuckles]
Can I have one of these?
Uh-huh. Ah, yeah. And, uh...
- What is that?
- Butt plug.
- Excuse me?
- Butt plug.
- What's that for?
- It goes in the butt.
- Oh. Well, forever?
- I don't know, lady.
What is this?
What is that?
Yeah, what is it?
What have I brought you
every Friday
for the last 20 years?
Roast beef.
There you go.
Well, why don't you introduce me
to your new girlfriend?
No, no, no, no, no.
Why?
Am I so repugnant?
What the f*ck
are you so ashamed about?
[Chuckles]
What's funny?
What is so funny?
No, Grace likes to curse too.
Let's go and have lunch
with Grace. Come on.
No.
It'll be fun.
No. No,
you're not getting near her.
You hate your own mother.
You don't want
to talk to me.
You don't want
to be with me.
[Crying]
You don't want me
in your life.
You bring me one lousy sandwich
once a week.
It just kills ya.
All right.
[Sniffling]
Okay.
If I bring you to Grace,
will you die sooner?
Yes!
You promise?
Yes.
Go get your coat.
[Chuckling]
What do you mean, nice?
It's a hallway.
I know, but it's
in a nice building.
All right.
[Doorbell Rings]
[Groans]
[Knocking]
[Christopher]
Grace?
Hey, Grace.
Grace?
I'm coming!
I'm in the shower!
[Grunting]
[Knocking Continues]
Honey?
It's not nice
to surprise people.
You should have called.
It's fine.
She'll love it.
Hey, Grace.
Honey, it's Mom and me.
It's me! Mom!
Shh.
Grace!
Okay, I'm coming!
She's probably in there
with some guy.
A fella--another fella.
Why do you say things
like that?
[Whispering]
Ah, damn it!
Damn it, damn it!
Hey, Grace!
I'm just toweling off!
[Knocking Continues]
Hey, Grace!
Okay, sucker.
Oh.
Hey, Grace?
Just a second,
for Christ's sake!
[Chopping]
Who is that?
[Chopping Continues]
Did you hear that?
Yes.
What if---
Shut up.
If only they were
really this hard.
[Knocking Continues]
Grace?
I'll be there in a second!
What is that?
[Knocking]
Grace.
Yep, yep, yep, yep.
- I'm coming.
- Grace.
Christopher.
- You all right?
- I'm fine.
Um, we just, uh--
We just stopped by.
We were in the neighborhood.
I hope it's okay.
This is my mom.
Oh, it's such a pleasure.
Such a pleasure to meet you,
Mrs. Roland.
I hope it's not a bad time.
My boy has his father's manners.
Oh, no. No, no, no.
It's fine. Come in, come in.
Thank you.
Is this a bad time?
Oh, no, no, no.
It's fine. Come in.
Yeah, we'll only be here
for a minute.Just, uh--
We're on our way
to lunch.
Uh-huh.
Why don't you invite the girl
to lunch?
Of course. I'm sorry.
Would you like
to come to lunch with us?
I would love to.
Great. So--
Oh!
Mom? Mom?
Grace can't come with us
because she has an erection
to run.
She has what?
It was a pleasure
to meet you.
What did you say she has?
So many errands to run.
That's not what he said!
He said erections! Erections!
Shh, why are you yelling?
Mom, please,
you're embarrassing me
in front of my friend.
Now you gotta go to that doctor
about the hearing.
I hear like a bat.
You said erection.
Get in the elevator!
Get in the elevator!
Get in there!
[Whispers]
sh*t!
[Knocking]
Open up.
Now you listen to me.
I have something to say to you.
Yeah?
I am completely
in love with you.
Does that make you happy?
[Chuckles]
Yeah, so happy.
Are you in love with me?
So in love.
I'll see you, uh--
I'll see you tonight.
I can't wait.
[Whispers]
Bring that thing.
Oh, yeah.
?? [Jazz]
[Applause]
There's this... woman.
The most beautiful woman
in the world. Her name is Grace.
I wrote this song for her.
Grace.
??[SlowJazz]
[Christopher]
Can I ask you a question?
[Grace] Yeah.
Am I the first man
who's been in this bed
since your husband?
Yes.
Is that why
you're more comfortable
at my house?
Yes.
Is it okay?
Yes. It's phenomenal.
[Grace Moans]
- Hey, Mom.
- Oh! Hi!
- This is Andy.
- H--
Gee, what--
What are you doing here?
- What do you mean?
- I mean, why aren't you
at school?
It's Christmas break, Mom.
Generally,
the children come home then.
Oh, right, right, right.
Oh, I'm just so confused.
I was just--
[Yawns]
I was just waking up.
I'm so tired.
And-- Oh, hi. Hi.
You brought a friend.
What? Honey, are you okay?
Mom, you have someone
between your legs.
- What are you talking about?
- Mom, come on. I can see him.
No, no. No.
There's... nobody here.
I'm just waking up.
Ooh, nobody here
but little, old me.
Okay. Well, if you're just
gonna act completely crazy--
- Okay, okay. Well--Whoa.
- Oh, f*ck! f*ck!
- Okay, okay, okay.
- [Grace]
I don't believe this.
Thank God.
Well, everything seems
to be in order.
You are a dead man! Dead!
Thank God, thank God.
I mean, we were
very worried there, but I think
everything's gonna be okay.
You're Tess?
Hi. Nice to meet you.
I know you're very concerned,
but everything's gonna be fine.
I'm Christopher.
I'm your mom's gynecologist.
So don't worry about a thing,
okay?
Um... can I, uh--
Can I talk to you guys
for just a second?
I'd like to get, uh--
I'd like to get back
with the mom,
so could you go out and buy...
a Christmas tree...
or something like that,
you know?
Um, uh, blue ba*ls.
You understand
what I'm talking about?
Greatest, greatest ornaments,
but they're just wrong
as testicles, okay?
Okay.
Beautiful.
[Coughs]
All right?
Yeah.
Hey, merry Christmas.
[Toilet Flushes]
She really likes me.
She thinks you're psychotic!
No, they-- No.
Psychotic.
They find me very endearing.
The children will never
be allowed near you again.
Never! Never!
What are you doing
for Christmas?
What?
I have a Christmas party every
year before the troops come.
I want you to come.
How did we get to Christmas?
I don't know, but
you're coming to that party.
You're coming.
I, uh--
You know, I don't do that.
You're coming.
You don't do that?
You're kidding.
No.
No, I'm not kidding.
What, you have other plans?
Yes. I'm going
to sit on my sofa,
and I'm going to not see
or talk to anybody...
and I'd really like you
to join me.
What?
What are you talking about?
Sit on your sofa?
Why are you being
so f*cking annoying?
I'm not being annoying.
You think I'm being annoying?
Yes.
You think I'm being annoying?
Yes.
Yes. You know I don't like
to go out, and you think
I'm being annoying?
This is not about going out.
This is about my friends.
All right, all right.
Why don't we talk about this
some other time?
Okay, perfect.
Will you come?
Oh, come on!
You'll come?
It's that important?
Yes.
All right.
I'll come.
Good, good.
Well, I want you
to be happy about it.
Oh, g*dd*mn it. g*dd*mn it!
What?
Do you want me to come?
Yes.
Then I'll come.
Good.
Good.
[Indistinct Chattering]
[Giggling]
Did you get it?
No, you didn't.
Yeah. It was good.
Hey!
This is Elaine.
Merry Christmas. Hi.
Merry Christmas to you.
Nice to meet you.
I am so glad to meet you.
I've been so angry at Grace.
She's been keeping you hiding.
Well, it's my fault.
I should have demanded
to meet all of you sooner.
Yeah.
Especially you
'cause you're so pretty.
Right. Yeah. Listen.
I was just suggesting...
that maybe we should
all go downtown one night
to the Village...
Oh, good!
and listen to you play.
Oh, yes.
I would love that.
That would be great.
Yeah. And then
I could just do that...
or I can hang myself
in the bathroom right now.
[All Laughing]
You make me laugh.
I'm sorry. I like him a lot.
Wasn't so funny.
I really like him.
I think he's adorable.
Oh, thank you.
I love him! I mean,
she did good, right?
Yeah, I think she did.
Oh, he loves her to death.
[Chattering Continues]
Hi.
Hi.
You okay?
I'm fine.
Call you later.
Hey! Oh, I'm sorry I'm late.
Oh, hi.
No, we're just glad to get
any chance to see you is all.
We missed you.
Come on.
We went shopping last week.
I know, but it's
just not the same.
How are things going
with Christopher?
Great.
That's good 'cause you're
in the danger zone now.
It's been, what, eight--
No, it's been nine months.
Shut up.
Not all men are like that.
Yes, they are.
All men are like that.
I don't think Christopher is.
I have faith in him. Do you
think Christopher's like that?
[Grace Sighs]
Oh, that son of a b*tch.
I said never again, right?
What happened? Did he say he
didn't want to see you anymore?
No, he just had that
f*cking look this morning.
He told me never again.
I should have listened.
- People tell you who they are.
- He also told you
he was in love with you.
That's just 'cause he was still
into f*cking her is all.
Elaine, I've been married
for 22 years. We're happy.
We have great sex.
No. It's over.
It's done, okay?
Elaine's right.
If it's done, it's because
you want it done as much
as he does.
- That's bullshit.
- Breaking up because he had
a look on his face!
He could have had indigestion,
for Christ's sake.
You're looking for a way out
like you always have.
Like I always have?
- I haven't done anything enough
to "always have" anything.
- Exactly.
If you're not gonna support me,
I'm not gonna sit here
and listen to this sh*t.
I'm sorry.
Hey, I didn't say anything!
Wait, Grace! Wait! Gr--Grace!
Uh, it's Grace Minor.
Mentors of New York.
[ Man On Intercom]
I'll be there in a second.
So, it's a one-year commitment
to a child,
either seeing them once a week
for a couple of hours...
or every other week
for like a whole Saturday.
[ Phone Rings]
Oh, excuse me, excuse me.
Hi, it's Grace.
- Hey.
- Oh, hi.
Um... h-how you doing?
Yeah, I'm fine.
I'm just in the middle
of something right now.
Great. Can we talk--
Can we talk later?
Yeah. E-Excuse me.
Um, you know,
why don't we not.
'Cause, well, I know
what the talk is about.
No, no, you don't.
I mean, I don't even know
what this talk is about.
Can we talk later?
I just can't do this right now.
[Sighs]
Great, great. So come on.
Let's get together. Let's, uh--
Come on. Let's talk about it.
All right. Sorry.
Hi.
Hi.
Thanks, uh--
Thanks for coming.
Why here?
We met here. Look,
you wanna talk, let's talk.
Hi. Howyou doing tonight?
Uh, my name's Chuck.
I'll be your server.
And this is Fred here.
He's my shadow.
Can I start you off
with something to drink--
Water, please.
Yeah, water.
Water's fine.
Terrific. Two sparkling waters
coming right up--
Just tap water.
Tap water.
You want something to eat?
No.
[Chuck]
No? Waters.
I'd appreciate it
if you'd just focus
on what you want to tell me...
okay, and not worry
about what I say or do...
or order or don't order,
okay?
Okay.
I can't do this.
I cannot do this.
Okay, um...
it's important that
you be real specific here.
What exactly is it
that you can't do?
I cannot do--
I cannot do th--
Here you go. All right.
Two waters for ya.
So, can I tell you a little
about our specials tonight?
No, just the check, please.
Could you just stay
where you are, please?
Thank you.
And could you just--
Could you go away?
No problem.
Now look. I love you.
You know,
I find it insulting...
on top of everything
you're about to say that you...
suckered me in and lied to me
about all your...
high-minded honesty
at all cost crap.
And you're just turning out
to be the same scared schmuck
as all the rest of them.
You don't know how I'm feeling.
Bullshit,
Bullshit, Christopher.
We both tried not to fall
in love, but we did.
And while you still love me,
you're not "in love" with me,
which isn't necessarily bad.
It just means that,
like every other
mature relationship,
we've evolved into a deeper,
richer kind of love.
Yeah. Right?
Okay. So, well, why can't
that involve great sex?
You know? Romantic songs
being played for me?
Oh, well, it can.
It's just that,
now that you're not trying
to woo me,
it's not about
your power-tripping male ego
anymore.
And since I've become real
to you,
I'm suddenly caught
in this madonna/wh*re thing...
brought about by your fear
of getting close to somebody
you actually know...
because then you might
get hurt if I leave.
This is more complicated
than that.
No, I don't think it is.
I think
it's just that simple.
And the real irony that
you f*cking thickheaded,
Neanderthal c*ck
don't seem to get...
is that I wasn't gonna leave
before so you didn't have
anything to worry about.
But I am gonna leave now.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
Did you think that
because I'm 54, I'd developed
this wise Zen thing...
that would make me
less vulnerable...
and this would just roll
off my back?
It's the opposite, you as*h*le.
I had so much more to lose!
f*ck you for asking me out,
Christopher! f*ck you!
f*ck you!
[Crying]
You're gonna f*ck' die alone.
You know that, don't you?
Fine. Good. Fine.
- I'll die alone.
Good. Anything else?
- Big tough man.
I had a family, you know?
I did that.
I mean, who--What--
What are you, God?
[Stammering]
I am gonna f*ck who I want
and when I want!
You know, I'm not saying
all that ain't true.
But, you see...
I f*cking know your a*s.
I know
it ain't true for you.
That's not what you do.
You know whatyou do?
You get close,
you get scared.
Then you run right away
to the next one.
You know, you really wanna be
a big, tough, brave man,
juststaywiththis
for once in your f*ck' life.
Grace
is an unbelievable woman.
You should be thanking God
every f*ck'second
of the day...
that you got a chance to be
with someone like her, okay?
It's not that--
It's not that simple.
Go to therapy, man--
by yourself, with her.
Go to some program.
Do some motherfuckin' thing,
Christopher.
Find out
whatyou're afraid of,
blow that sh*t up,
go on with your f*ck' life...
before it's too late!
You know something, man?
This sh*t...
is too f*ck' sad to watch.
[Phone Ringing]
[Sighs]
[ Ringing Continues]
Yeah!
Yes.
When? Is she alive?
Okay. Yeah, okay.
Okay.
[Phone Hangs Up]
What happened?
My mom, uh--
My mom had a stroke.
- Where is she?
- Mount Sinai.
Come on. Let's go.
No, wait. Hold on.
I gotta bring something.
Hey, man, come on, come on.
I gotta bring something.
Hi. My mom's here.
I'm Christopher Roland.
[Woman]She had a stroke.
She was more frightened than
anything. She's gonna be fine.
[Christopher]
Can I see her?
Yeah, 2 15, down the hall.
Okay. No.
Want me to go with you?
[Sniffles]
[Knock]
Can I come in?
How's your mother?
Oh, she's fine.
She's gonna be fine.
Good.
Um, okay. You were right.
Everything you said.
You were just--You were right.
I was just walking around
the corridors of the hospital...
and, uh--
with my underwear--
and I realized
I'm a 54-year-old man...
and I've managed to construct
a life where I'm alone.
That's scary.
Yeah. I mean, there's Earl
and my mother.
But she's my mother,
you know.
[Chuckles]
And my son--And we actually
don't talk that much.
[Sighs]
Can I come in?
You're not the only one
who's alone.
I love you.
I wanna spend my life
with you.
Y-You can't possibly know that
right now,
so don't say that you do.
Okay.
Well, I'm gonna--
Can I call you tomorrow?
You can do whatever you want.
[Knocking]
Who is it?
It's Earl.
Earl?
Hi. Hi, Earl.
I've been friends with
Christopher for 40 years now--
before he got married,
during his marriage,
after his marriage..
And... after all that time,
I don't think I've ever felt
he's been...
matched up as well
as he matches up with you.
Love's the easy part, Earl.
Never has anything to do
with whether two people
can stay together.
You wanna spend the next
Well, I--
I spent the last 30 alone.
I was married for 20 of them.
Come on, Grace.
I mean... you are the woman.
- So I'm the more--
- Everything, man.
You're the more everything.
[Christopher's Mother
Ranting, Indistinct]
[Metal Clattering]
Is she up?
Hi, honey.
Hi, sunshine.
Go get me an onion bagel.
You want an onion bagel?
Yeah, Tropicana juice.
The regular kind,
none of that fake plastic stuff.
Get away from me!
Get me the f*ck' juice!
You want some f*cking juice?
Yes!
Okay.
Nice talking to you.
Wise-a*s.
Uh, do me a favor,
will you?
Get her some f*cking juice.
Take care of her.
[Sighs]
[Phone Ringing]
[ Ringing Continues]
- Hello?
- Hey!
I don't want to lose you,
Christopher.
What?
I don't want to lose you,
Christopher.
I, I--
[Stammering]
You're breaking up!
What?
Hey. Uh...
I love you
and I-I'm coming over.
- What?
- I love you...
and I'll be there
in ten minutes!
[ Horse Whinnies]
[Chattering]
[Woman]
Is he alive?
- I can't hear you,
Christopher.
- Is there a doctor?
Is he moving?
I don't think so.
[Man]
He just came out ofnowhere.
[ Man] Oh, my God.
Someone call an ambulance.
[Woman] Didn't you see him?
[Deep Breathing]
[Sighs]
You should both go home
for a while.
Oh, I think we should stay.
I need to do
some tests on him.
You can come back
in the morning.
I love you.
See you tomorrow.
Can I talk to you
for a second?
I'm very busy.
I don't understand
why he's not waking up.
Well,
he's not bleeding into his head,
so he should be conscious.
Well, what about that thing
where if they hear a familiar
voice it revives them.
That's only in the movies.
He's gonna wake up.
Yeah, it's just--I-It's--
[Sighs]
This is too crazy,
you know?
You finally say
all the forbidden things,
and you're free...
and then he gets run over
by a horse in Central Park.
[ Laughing]
[Grace]
No, I'm gon--
I'm gonna go back
in a couple of hours.
Isn't there anything else
that they can do?
Gracie?
[Grace] Hi again.
[Man]
Jesus Christ, lady.
[Woman On P.A., Indistinct]
[ Elevator Dings]
Dr. Lee, please dial
extension 865.
Dr. Lee, please dial
extension 865.
Uh, can I help you?
Hey, you can't go down there.
[Woman On P.A.]
Dr. Navajo, please report
to room 6 18.
Dr. Navajo, please report
to room 6 18.
Nurse Buckley to urology.
Nurse Buckley to urology.
Nurse Buckley to urology.
?? [Acoustic Guitar]
??
? Steady now?
? It's gonna take a long
long time?
? I'm envious ofyou tonight?
? And the wayyou comb my hair?
? I'm shakin'
like a grain ofsand?
? I'm dancing
'cause I found a witness?
? In the palm ofmy hand?
? You can beg for mercy
You can acquiesce, get away?
? They should bottle
somethinglike this?
Dr. Zimmerman
to third floor nursing station.
? Until they do?
[Screaming]
? I'm gonna keep you
for the future?
Security!
? Until someday becomes you?
Security!
I wanna grow old
with you.
I'm already old.
? Cover me in your islands?
? Won'tyou
tie me up in your pearls?
? Lay me down in your silence?
You got that strap-on
under that suit of armor
or what?
? Steady now?
? Steady now?
[ Both Laughing]
Ow.
? I hope it takes
a longlong time?
? I'm envious ofyou tonight?
? Like a penny in a well?
? Nothing ever happened
to me till?
? The day we fell?
? Didyou mean to kiss me?
? Well, since you did?
? You might as well?
? You could digyou could crawl
You could marry someone else?
? You could play it safe
and sound?
? Like?
? You're coming back later?
? I could be your savior?
? Won'tyou cover me?
? In your distance?
? And I'll levitate
to your words?
? Lay me down and be in this?
? Steady now?
? Steady now, steady now?
? Steady now, steady now?
? You might be the one
who called?
? When I was 18 and scared?
? You might be the one?
? To take away the ghost?
? You might be the one?
? The universe intended?
? Lay me down in your distance?
? Bring me back from the dead?
? I levitate to your words?
? Steady now and be in this?
? Steady now?
? Steady now, steady now?
? Cover me in your islands?
? Tie me up in your pearls?
? Steady now, steady now?
? Lay me down
and I'll be silent?
? Steady now?
? Steady now??
?? [Man Singing Gibberish]
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Never Again (2001)
Moderators: Maskath3, GabrielAlejo2341, sidolanters, Maskath3, GabrielAlejo2341, sidolanters
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Valentine's Day, Hot, Steamy, Sexy, Romantic Movie Collection.
Valentine's Day, Hot, Steamy, Sexy, Romantic Movie Collection.