01x05 - Blade

[bunniefuu]

[dramatic music playing]

[birds chirping]

[horn honking in distance]

[dramatic music]

sh*t!
[heavy breathing]

[suspenseful music playing]

[loud knocking on door]

[in heavy Québécois accent]
Uh, sorry, who is it?

[Bo] Open the f*cking door.

I've come to rescue my wayward sheep.

Look, I-I'd love to chat, the thing
is this. Bo, if you... if you come back...

- [bangs on door]
- [Bo] Mike! Just open the door.

[sighs]

[tense music playing]

You wouldn't happen
to have a g*n drawn, would you?

You're my little Mikey.

Would I knock if I wanted to k*ll you?

So, open the door, Mike.
I am freezing my ba*ls off.

[nervous breathing]

Bo!
[chuckles]

- Mike.
- It's so good to see you!

[shouting]

{an8}[coffee machine whirring]

[Nadeau] All right, sit down,
Mr Bouchard.

Yeah! Always happy to help
a fellow man of the law.

Uh, woman. Women.
[chuckles]

- [Nadeau] Yeah.
- I'm a security guard.

- So... yesterday was pretty crazy, huh?
- Mm-hmm.

Random attack in the woods. Wow.

And you're... you're sticking
with that story?

Just a crazed stranger
in the woods...

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Good thing there's people like us
to protect and serve.

[chuckling]
And Gary told us

how you saved his life, Rémy.

[in French]
You're a real hero, Rémy.

[chuckling]

But that's not what
we're here to discuss today.

Let's talk about...

the m*rder of Orval Steeks.

Why are you...

W-Why are you showing me this?

- They're not commonly shown to the public.
- No. Just to suspects.

Wait, what? You think I... Orval?

[Nadeau] Evidence linked to you
was found at the m*rder scene.

Rémy, okay, your dad
basically gift-wrapped

the whole thing for us yesterday.

Dad... I-I didn't do anything.

There's... there's nothing to...

[Nadeau] This here, you see that?
This came from your mitten.

We found this covered in Orval's blood.

What happened there, Rémy?

Why did you k*ll your best friend? Huh?

I-I didn't k*ll him!

Where are your mittens, Rémy?

My mittens weren't...

I don't know!

What did you bash his head in with, Rémy?

A hammer? A rock? An iron rod?

I didn't k*ll Orval!
I wouldn't do that!

- Yes! You did!
- I don't have the mittens.

- [Teddy] You don't?
- No.

Did you misplace them or...?

Remy, think. It's important.

I've never even worn them.

I-I must have forgotten
them at the restaurant.

- I was so excited about the...
- Excited about what?

Uh, the... the cake!

But you're sure that you left them
at the restaurant?

[Rémy] Yes.

So maybe someone took them or...?

[tense music playing]

Oui. Yes.

Yes, somebody must have.

Someone... someone stole
your birthday gift

and immediately went out
and k*lled your best friend?

Rémy, why would anyone do that?

[muffled chatter]

I'm not talking!

Are you arresting me?

Then you should leave.

Now!

[Nadeau] All right!

[woman] This is very serious, doctor.
I could be calling the police right now.

[Florence] Right, listen,
she's had a rough few years.

Let me just explain it to her.

[clears her throat]

Thank you.
Thank you.

Thank you.

- What did that harpy want?
- Get in.

Social services, my a*s.

I've been here all night.

All I want is to take home
my husband in a coma!

It's not going to happen
and it certainly isn't like that.

You told them, you... you reported me.

No. I've spent all night making sure
that you didn't get into trouble.

Then who? f*cking Leonard.

I'll g*n him!

I'll pay all the fines,
I'll keep my house.

- I can do it.
- Thousands of dollars? How?

- He needs me, that's how.
- He doesn't need you.

You're hurting him.
Martin is fine here.

On his own.
It's you that needs him.

[medical devices beeping]

Where are you going?

- I'll g*n him.
- Ruth?

You don't think that was a little rough?

For a m*rder suspect? No.
I don't think so.

No! Besides, he... he had you there
to help him along.

What does that mean?

Thanks for introducing
an evil glove thief.

His lawyer couldn't
have done a better job.

It is not Rémy, there's no motive!

Who? Who? Who else?

Our guy from the woods.
The violent outsider.

We connect him to the black truck,
c'est game over.

- Okay. How would we do that?
- With the license plate!

Like I told you yesterday
before you f*cking blew me off!

The nameless dr*fter. It's like
the last salvation of a mediocre cop.

Oh. f*ck. You.

I'm calling in a search warrant
for the Bouchard house

so I can get out of this lousy town.

Yeah, the sooner, the better!

Can we just talk for a minute?

Rémy, what did the police have to say?

Nothing!

Don't... don't tell them
any more stuff, okay?

- [doorbell rings]
- [knocking on door]

Will you just please talk to me?

We need to go to Mike's right now.

[father] You have a visitor?

Ouais, papa...
We need to go.

- We're meeting a friend.
- Which friend?

- And who's this friend?
- I don't wanna talk about it.

Can we get a little space here?

I was just asking you about your friend.

I... If you want, I could
make some sandwiches!

It's none of your business.
You've already caused me enough trouble.

...back off?

What's happening to you?

I don't recognize you anymore!

You keep disappearing!
When do you even sleep?

What's happening?

And who are these friends?

If you're in trouble, I can help...
but you need to talk to me!

Dad! For f*ck's sake!

I'm not f*cking 10 anymore!

I've got my own life now, okay?

[door creaks, closes]

Hmm.

You know, Charlie's gonna cut
your nuts off at the stems.

What are you watering her with,
a firehose?

You know, these puddles
are gonna f*ck up the floors.

Hey, I didn't ask to be f*cking plant boy.

And was... was this absolutely
necessary, Bo?

Yeah. They sent me here to k*ll you.

[indistinct]

You have your g*n hand,
not with your temper.

k*ll me? Why, Bo?

"Why, Bo?"

Why Bo? Really?

[Mike gasps]

[chuckles]
f*ck!

All right, I was worried for a second.

Yeah, don't be cute.

I-I'm not being cute, I...
Well, I-I met a piece of a*s.

Not your type,
but, you know, you'd f*ck her,

but this dumbbell
laid his hand on her and...

I put him down. It's nothing.

I laid out one dumb yokel, I...

You know what this picture says, Mike?

This says "messy".

This says "side hustle".

Side hustle!

Endangering the family all over again!

- Lollipop!
- I'm not doing anything but my job.

- Bullshit!
- I swear!

It's envelopes, Lorraine,

- and nothing else.
- Uh-huh.

- I swear to God, Bo, envelopes...
- [door slams]

Who the f*ck are you?

Who the f*ck are you?

My name's Bo.

What's yours?

Rem...

[Bo] Okay.

Okay, play coy.

I love the look, by the way.

Tough farmers, that I could...

Sort of flips my switch.

How'd you get in?

He gave me the code.

[chuckles]
Of course he did.

'Cause he's a f*cking twit.

Don't leave any streaks, Lollipop.

[chuckles]

- [Léo] Hey, Dad, uh...
- [Léonard] It's really something, eh?

[Léo] Yeah, yeah, it is.
Um, I-I found something disturbing.

Someone bought the Vallée's trees.

And the Desjardins' too.

Okay... People buy and sell farms.

- That's the way the world works.
- Of course, of course.

But uh... But by an anonymous
holding company?

Scooping up two farms right next to ours?

Doesn't that seem uh... suspicious?

It could be anyone.
A multinational conglomerate or...

Little Chestnut Holding Company.

Your old nickname for Mom?

Do you think it's just a coincidence?

Someone else using the exact same name
to buy all the farms around ours?

What are you doin'?

I work all day and night to protect
this community, to protect you.

I've done it for years
and this is the thanks I get?

- Betrayal?
- I'm not betraying...

Yes, you are!

You're questioning me.
Undermining me.

Teaming up with troublemakers.

You dropped the charges on Ruth.

I did what I thought was right.

That's why I haven't stepped down.

Given you the chair.
You're not ready.

This world is harder than you'll ever be.

Yeah.

[chair squeaking]

[sighs]

Do we really need the tarp, Bo?

Yes, we do.

Sit down.

Okay.

So...

Would someone...

like to tell me... what's going on?

Mike k*lled Orval, that's what's going on!

Jesus Christ,
Orval Steeks is haunting me!

The cops think I did it!
You used my mitten, you stupid f*ck!

What f*cking mitten?!
[screams in pain]

Mikey, Mikey, Mikey.

What have you been up to?

- Who's Orval?
- He was my best friend.

- Who started this whole operation with me.
- Shut up, Rémy!

We would have no chance
for all this money if...

- Rémy, shut up.
- [Bo] No, no, no, no, no!

[Bo laughs]

Don't shut up, Rémy.

You just used the magic word.

Money.

Talk.

No! Uh-uh, don't look at him.

Look at me.

Right at me.

He's not gonna help you.

- Bo, they don't know anything...
- Shut up!

Just shut... the f*ck... up!

You think he's gonna protect you?

Him?!

He's a f*cking house sitter!

He's an errand boy.

He waters the old man's plants.

Poorly, by the way.

A house sitter?

Errand boy?

[Bo] Oh no, Mikey!

Are you playing pretend? Again?

f*cking moron.

This isn't his house, it's not his car,

I-I doubt he's even wearing
his own f*cking underwear.

It pains me to say it...

He's nothing.

Absolutely...

nothing.

[heavy breathing]

Mike is nothing.
Say, "I am nothing."

Say it.

Say it.

I'm nothing.

No, not cry it. Say it!

Like a man!

Say it!

I'm nothing.

Nothing.

Nothing.

f*cking idiot.

Well, finally.

I called Monday, no response.
I called Tuesday, no response.

I called Tuesday afternoon...

I'm so sorry no one's followed up
about the missing license plate 'til now.

My son hates his car being touched.
He's upset.

Very upset.

[Bo] What is my little Lollipop up to?

Tell me about the score.

Spill it!

[Ruth] You don't scare me.

You're nothing but a bad leg
and a big mouth.

I'm bettin' your bark
is worse than your bite.

[scoffs]

[whispers] What the f*ck?

[Rémy screams in pain, coughs]

[Rémy] Ow!

[whimpers]

[barks]

[Teddy] Do you recognize this man?

He may have stolen it or perhaps, um...

Oh.
[chuckles]

It's Mr Greenthumb. Odd bird.

Always tending his yard.

This man in the picture,
he lives around here?

Sure does, right over there.

[birds chirping]

- [cane tapping]
- [Bo] Okay.

If someone doesn't tell me
what is going on,

Haystacks here loses a kneecap.

And Mike, you know I will.

They're just friends Bo, I swear to God!

Would you rather I open his skull?

- [Rémy] No, no, no, please don't!
- Should I put a b*llet in his head?!

- Please don't! Please don't! No, no, no!
- Mike, Mike!

Did you k*ll Orval Steeks, Mike?

Did you k*ll Orval?!

One. Two. Three...

Yes! I f*cking k*lled him, all right?

[panting]

I f*cking k*lled him!

- You f*ck!
- [Bo gasps]

- Rémy, I'm sorry!
- [grunting]

- [doorbell rings]
- [knocking on door]

[pounding on door]

[Teddy] Police, open up!

I need to speak with you right now.

Police, open up!

[tense music playing]

[Rémy] Hide! Hide! Come on!

Go! Go! Go! Go!

[suspenseful music playing]

[Teddy] Where are you?

Police!

I need to speak with you right now.

[slow exhale]

Fine! You wanna do it the hard way?

Wow!

Canada's fun!

Okay, where were we?

Oh, right. I was gonna make some money,

or one of you is gonna die.

What's the plan?

We're planning a heist.

Maple syrup.

But it has to happen tonight.

[Bo] So you're saying, there's...

$150,000,000 worth of maple syrup,

just sitting in the woods?

Well, not technically in the woods, but...

With just him,
and some other guy guarding it?

Wow!

Wow! I mean, Lollipop,
this is way better than your usual.

It's good, it's real, and it's mine.

Well, I-I don't think so.
[chuckles]

I mean, I... I think it's hers.

So what's the "plannel", Flannel?

I love a good heist.

Okay...

We drive Mike's truck
right up to the loading dock.

Rémy opens the doors.

There are no security cameras,
no other guards.

[Rémy] Of course now,
there is another guard, Gary.

Good guy.

[Ruth] Don't worry, I-I'll figure out
a way to get him out of the picture.

We take 14 barrels of syrup.

[Bo] Well, why just 14?

[Ruth] Because the truck can't carry more.

Each barrel weighs 296 kilograms.

Will you speak American, please?

- Uh, 655 pounds.
- [Bo] Thank you.

[Ruth] And since a standard box truck
has a capacity of 10,000 pounds,

that's 830 pounds to spare
for us and the dollies.

Wow! Smart.

Then we drive the barrels back here.
Unload 'em.

Pour 'em out in the pool out back.

Drive 'em to the lake...

[Bo] Wait, wait, wait, wait.
The ham's the lake?

- Uh-huh.
- And you're gonna fill them

back up with water?

- Yeah.
- [Bo] Why?

- We have to put them back.
- So put them back empty.

They weigh them.

Oh, they're like a drug cartel.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's why we fill 'em with water.

And... add 2.86 kilograms
to make up for the weight difference.

- What difference?
- Syrup is heavier than water.

Then we drive 'em back.

Slip them into the warehouse,
and do it all over again.

Two hours and 28 minutes per load.

And if we do it right, it'll be years
until they notice the syrup is gone.

But we're running out of time.

We got one more night.

I wanted a million,
but with the four of us,

maybe we can clear 400,000.

Huh.

That's it? That's the plan?

It's smart, but it's um...

I don't know.

It's peanuts.

And aren't you glad that I showed up
to turn it into... peanut butter?

So...

Here's what I think.

You want bigger?

We're gonna need a bigger truck.
Like a semi.

- You have a semi?
- [Bo] No. Give me an hour, I will.

Okay, but what about Gary?

[Bo] Don't worry about Gary.
What, let me just guess...

f*ck, he wanted to k*ll Gary.

[Rémy chuckles]
He did. But we can't.

There are realities of this business

- you're never gonna understand.
- Oh no, no. Boo Radley's right.

- I am?
- [Bo] Yeah.

We don't k*ll Gary.

In a small town like this, too much
attention, too many candlelight vigils.

So, here's what we do.

I tie him up.

We can't tie him up,
he'll ID us the next day.

[Bo] I said, f*ck, I tie up Gary,

he never sees you,
he never sees me again.

We take it all, in one night.

We don't have to return
the f*cking barrels.

But then they find out.

That's the point, that's the beauty of it!

- First, we tie up Rémy.
- Huh?

- Huh?
- Let her finish.

Tight enough to make rope burns.

Ow!

Then, we untie him.

And once we're in the clear,
you rescue Gary.

Hmm.

Oh, Gary! Are you okay?

[muffled grunts]

[laughing]

[Bo] The m*rder goes away.

Gone.

You've all disappeared.

I get blamed for everything,
but I'm long gone.

You report the heist to the police.

[crowd cheering, clapping]

And you, my friend,

become the hero who survived

the great maple syrup heist.

And after that, they'll have
to hire even more security.

[percussive music playing]

- [Bo] So?
- What if we say no?

What if... what if we say
we wanna do it our way on our own?

Then I k*ll you.

And I call Boston, and we do it anyway.

- She's gonna k*ll us anyway.
- Oh, shut the f*ck up, Lollipop!

- Why do you keep calling him that?
- It's not important, it's an inside joke.

Okay. Well, then, let's make it
an outside joke, why don't we?

This moron...

he was, uh, like a junior lieutenant
in our little family organization.

He had his own crew, you know,
but he wanted more.

So, he came up with a really
big score of his own, didn't you?

He boosts an 18-wheeler
filled with electronics.

I mean, a big score.

Really, big score.

So, the day of the big reveal,
he brings us all out there,

the boss, all of us,
we're all standing there together.

[sniffles]

Waiting for this big moment 'cause
he can't do anything just for himself,

he has to make
a big f*cking show of it.

So, he pops open the back of the truck...

There were no electronics.

Not one f*cking TV!

The entire truck was filled with candy!

With f*cking candy!

Gumballs, and caramels,

and those f*cking little suckers
that you get at the doctor's office.

It was a complete and utter failure,

and it blew back on me.

In a really bad way.

And that's why we call him...

Lollipop.

Bah, bom, bom, bom.

f*cking as*h*le.

Okay.

I love when a plan comes together.

I'm gonna go run upstairs and call Boston.

Charlie told me I had to check in by 6:00

or he was gonna send the cavalry.

You wouldn't like the cavalry.

[tense music playing]

I'll be back, Lollipop.

[drops resonating in bucket]

[birds chirping]

All right. Keep your voices down,
I'm gonna make this call.

I think he's gonna like it.

We're all dead, we're all f*cking dead,
you realize that?

No, no, no, no.
The team came together, she just said so.

Yeah, if we do a good job,
she'll let us live, it's easier for her.

You're gonna be dead naked
on the side of the road.

- It's the only play, Mike.
- Why would I be naked?

She's talking to Charlie now,
you realize what you've done?

- Who the f*ck is Charlie?
- I mean, he couldn't be that bad.

Fine. Okay.
That electronics heist she told you about,

the one that ended up being the... the...

- Lollipop?
- Yeah, the f*cking lollipops.

- [Rémy] Mm-hmm.
- Well, I didn't just bring the boss out

for the big reveal,
I brought his son out too. Charlie.

When I opened the truck and I saw
that... candy, I f*cking lost it.

I knew I'd never get to live it down.

So I beat the f*ck out of the driver,
save a little face in front of the crew.

And somehow, in the scuffle,
the f*ck gets my g*n and he shoots.

He doesn't hit me.

Guess who he f*cking hit? Charlie!

Ever since that day,
Charlie's f*cking owned me.

Whenever he wants,
he rains down sh*t on me.

Dark, sadistic sh*t.

This was my ticket out.

[sighing]

I will take care of that.
Yes, that will not be a problem.

[Mike talking indistinctly]

- No, we do the f*cking plan Bo's way.
- [Bo] Hey!

And hope to f*cking keep you alive.
We smile and we eat our sh*t sandwiches!

Yeah, hold on. Hey!

We just have to make sure
Bo gets back to Boston safely!

Will you shut the f*ck up?!

[snaps]

[guttural scream]

[heavy thud]

[♪ Mireille Mathieu: "Allo"]

[man, on phone] Bo?

Bo?

Bo?!

Are you there, buddy?
Did I lose you? What's up?

Bo?!

What the f*ck did you do now, Mike?

Mikey!

I can hear you breathing.
Is that you, Mike?

You messed it up, didn't ya?

Mike.

Bad move, Lollipop.

I'll see you soon.

[♪]