01x12 - Dave and the Giant Pickle

[bunniefuu]

Now Dave lived in a land called Israel a

long long time ago so long ago that

there weren't any cars or telephones or

vacuum cleaners or anything there were

mostly just sheep especially around

Dave's house because Dave was a

Shepherd no no that's not him that's one

of his brothers nope another brother uh

nope another brother Dave had a lot of

brothers aha there he is no not the

Sheep he's behind the Sheep uh Sho there

fluffy hi I'm Dave I have a lot of

brothers yep seven to be exact Now Dave

and his brothers spent most of their

time in the fields taking care of their

sheep which could be hard work because

their sheep had an unusual problem they

tip over oh look look there goes more

now but Dave had an even bigger problem

you see of all the brothers he was the

smallest that's right everybody's bigger

than I am and sometimes his big brothers

would pick on him oh Dave one of my

sheep fell over would you come pick it

up for me I'm kind of busy right now do

you remember the time we dipped you in

tar and stuck you to the backside of an

angry water buffalo I'll be right there

hey Dave one of my sheep fell too just a

minute oh all my sheep fell over

Dave oh Dave after you pick up our sheep

could you run and get me a bite to eat

I'm famished oh yeah me too get me

something too you know sometimes I think

I could eat a whole camel oh yeah well

sometimes I think I could eat a whole

spaceship uh what's a spaceship I have

no idea that's how things had pretty

much always been for Dave nothing really

exciting happened around there until one

day when their dad Jesse came running

out with some horrible

new uh Dave can you pick those

up oh oh boys oh oh boys I got I got

horrible news the pH the pH the the Phil

are

they're

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attacking the lima beans are uh lacking

the nectarines are quacking one more

time please and let's work on our

enunciation the Philistines are

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attacking uh Bob what are the

Philippines the Philippines are a group

of islands off the coast of Southeast

Asia but that's not important now the

Philistines were people who hated Israel

they wanted to take Israel's land and

make the Israelites their sl*ves so

they'd have to do whatever the

Philistines told them to do oh that's

bad you're right so the Israelites

needed to protect themselves we need to

protect ourselves but how King s is

putting together an army to stop the

Philistines he needs your help you must

help save

Israel must is we must help

is must help is hey hey hey hey Dave

where do you think you're going I must

help save

Israel it's very nice that you want to

help but saving a country is a a big

thing you're a little guy big people do

big things and little people do little

things so stay with the

Sheep they're

big I'm

little they

go I

twiddle why can't little guy do big

things

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too by the time Dave's Brothers arrived

at King Saul's Camp battle lines had

been drawn between the Philistines and

the Israelites and as was the custom in

their day the armies lined up and yelled

at each

other hello Israelites you are be and

soon we will put ABS in your mouths and

stick you in our fer

evens by yes after we defeat you you

will be our Slayers and you will have to

fet up our sleep yes and iron our and

wipe our little noes ah and scratch that

spot on our backs we cannot reach no

matter how hard we

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try don't you have anything to

say um do you guys have any Fried

Chicken I've got a real hankerin for

fried chicken yeah me too

this is going to be easier than we

thought you know I think I can save us

all a lot of time how about if we bring

out our strongest man and you bring out

your strongest man and they will fight

if our champion beats your Champion you

will be our sl*ves but if your Champion

defeats our we will be your sl*ves what

you think about that well the Israelites

were getting kind of tired of the

yelling and the Philistines did seem a

little on the small side so King Saul

agreed that seems like a a reasonable

idea all right we agree send out your

Champion hey Goliath

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we'll be back with more Dave and the

giant pickle after this break and now

it's time for silly songs with latty the

part of the show a l comes out and sings

a silly song one day while talking with

Dr archal lty confronts one of his

deepest

fears if my lips ever left my mouth pack

the bag and head it house that'd be too

bad i' be so sad I see that'd be too bad

you'd be so sad that' be too bad all

righty if my lips said adio I don't like

you I think your growth that be too bad

I might get mad H that'd be too bad you

might get mad that'd be too bad

fascinating if my lip mov to the loose

left the meth and H my tooth that be too

bad i' call my dad oh dear that'd be too

bad you'd call your dad that'd be too

bad hold it did you say your father

fascinating so what you're saying is if

your lips left you that'd be too bad i'

be so sad I might get mad i' call my dad

that'd be too bad that'd be too bad

that' be too bad why cuz I love my lips

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oh my this is more serious than I

thought ly what you see here um that

looks like a lip what about this it's a

lip and

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[Applause]

this Larry tell me about your

childhood when I was just 2 years old I

left my lips out in the cold and they

turned blue what could I do oh dear they

turned blue what could you do oh they

turned blue I see on the day I got my

tooth I had to kiss my great aunt Ruth

she had a beard and it felt weird my my

she had a beard and it felt weird she

had a beard oh 10 days after I turned

eight got my lips stuck in a gate my

friends all laughed and I just stood

there until the fire department came and

broke the lock with a crowbar and I had

to spend the next six weeks in lip rehab

with this kid named Oscar who got stung

by a bee right on the lip and we

couldn't even talk to each other until

the fifth week cuz both of our lips were

so swollen and when he did start

speaking he just spoke polish and I only

like three words in Polish except now I

know four because Oscar taught me the

word for

Lipa your friends all laughed AA how do

you spell that I don't know so what

you're saying is that when you were

young they turned blue what could I do

she had a beard in it feel weird my

friends are

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laugh I'm confused I love my

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lips this has been silly songs with lty

tune in next time to hear lty say have I

ever told you how I feel about my nose

oh look at the time

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and now back to Dave and the giant

pickle who will I

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fight the Israelites were so terrified

of Goliath that they all ran away and

hid nobody will fight I'll come back

tomor and that's exactly what he did

Goliath came back the next day and and

the next

day and the next day for 40 days but

every time he showed up all the

Israelites ran away and hid finally

Jesse started to worry about his boys so

he sent Little Dave to the b*ttlefield

with some

food now Dave got to King Saul's Camp

just about the time Goliath was going to

come out so all the Israelites were

hiding

hello is anybody here

sh he'll hear

you

who him that big pickle over

there who will fight

me well who's going to fight him what

are you nuts he'd have us for lunch

speaking of which what' you bring us

here you

go M pizza oh cheese in the crust that's

trem

come on guys have you forgotten we're

the children of God the what the

children of God the Bible says that the

Israelites were God's chosen people God

LED them through the desert he helped

them walk across the Red Sea and

whenever they went into battle God was

there with them they had always known

that if God was on their side no one

could stand against them wow but King

Saul and his men were so scared of big

tall Goliath they forgot that God was

even bigger oh dear uh Larry you've got

something on your uh huh oh never mind

once again no one would answer Goliath's

challenge oh no one to

fight they told me that you are the

children of good you are cowards I come

back tomorrow

I can't believe you're letting him say

that somebody's got to do

something what are you going to do Dave

remember you're a little guy leave this

big stuff to us big

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people you think he saw me no you're

okay

pH well Dave knew exactly what he had to

do so he went straight to King sa and

announced his plan

I will fight

Goliath King Saul took the news rather

well I'm sorry my ears must be failing I

could have sworn I heard you say that

you'd fight Goliath but you didn't say

that did you yes I did oh I say that's

very kind but let's be reasonable you

are a tiny little fellow and well

Goliath he's he's enor forus no no no no

that's a job for a big person not a

little boy like

you you're not going to sing are

you couldn't you just play your har and

all throw things at you

oh you're big I'm little my head only

comes to your metal but I say little

guys can do big things too yes goath

he's he's big but God's bigger and when

I think of him the twin figure with his

help little guys can do big things

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too oh I see what you're

saying all right I understand now let's

suppose that this is true you still look

rather weepy but I know what we can do

just step behind this curtain it will

only take a minute there's a closet in

the corner and you'll like what I've got

in it you'll find my Royal armor there

now Del put it on yes now you look much

bigger when the battle lines are drawn

one more thing you'll need I think pick

up my Royal sword it's a big one and a

beauty the best we could afford once you

got it all together I think you will

agree you're bound to do much better if

you try to look like

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[Applause]

me oh dear you know I think maybe I

should just be plain old me oh yes well

I suppose but have you seen Goliath why

he's he's just he's he's big God

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bigger fig with his help little guys can

do big things with his help I know I can

do big things with his help little guys

can do big things

too all right if you sure you know what

you're getting into oh

dear well Dave wasn't exactly sure what

he was getting into but he knew God

would be there with him so he went down

to a stream and found five smooth Stones

then he went back to the camp and waited

for

Goliath who will fight

me I will fight you

Goliath you know if I didn't know better

I'd say that sounded like Dave oh

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yeah you know if I didn't know better

I'd say that looks like Dave

huh

Dave Goliath was equally surprised who

said

that I did h

W am I a dog that you come at me with

sticks I don't exactly know what you

mean but you are not a dog you are a

really big guy that wants to beat me up

and I come at you not with sticks but in

the name of the god of Israel who this

day shall help me defeat you

we will see who defeats who now we

fight it's shut time

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y

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the Philistines were so scared of Dave

that they all ran away and hid and

Israel was

save and that's the story of Dave a

really little guy who did a really big

thing

[Applause]

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