02x14 - Jenny's Date

[bunniefuu]

[gentle music]

- I wonder where Jenny is, I'm worried.

- Why is there something missing?

- Stanley, it's almost midnight.

If she doesn't get home pretty soon,

she won't even get any sleep.

She has to start delivering her newspapers in a few hours.

- It's crazy.

Back in my time if a girl is not back

by 11 o'clock, her father would have k*lled her.

- Back in your time if the girl was known by eight o'clock,

you would have bored her to death.

[audience laughing]

- Hi, what are you two still doing up?

- Hi Jenny, Mr. Roper couldn't sleep.

- Mr. Roper you shouldn't worry about me,

I can take care of myself.

- Yeah, that's what I told him.

So did you have a nice time on your date?

- Date?

Oh yeah.

- What did you do?

- Oh, well we just hung out.

- What?

[audience laughing]

- We just talked Mr. Roper.

- What did you talk about?

- Cars?

He's really into cars.

- Other people's I bet.

[audience laughing]

- Stanley, what's he like?

- Okay, he's tall and strong.

- An athlete?

- No, but he runs 10 miles every day.

- Keep ahead of the cops.

[audience laughing]

- He is so smart and handsome too.

- Sounds a little like me.

[audience laughing]

- Very little.

- Go on Jenny.

- Well, he's warm and considerate and understanding.

- Ooh, he sounds wonderful.

Where did you meet him?

- In my dreams.

- What?

- I made him up.

- Why?

- Because that's what you wanted to hear.

- She's got you there Ellen.

[audience laughing]

- Quiet Stanley.

Look Jenny, Jenny you're a young girl.

You need to be getting some fun out of life.

- Mrs Roper it's my life, and I'm doing just fine on my own.

Okay?

- But every girl needs a man.

You don't know what you're missing.

[audience laughing]

I know what I'm missing.

Jenny dear, your life is...

- My life, and I got to get some sleep.

- Jenny?

- Will you forget it Ellen.

- No, Stanley.

- Come on let's finish the game.

I'm one card away from winning.

Make your move.

- Jenny.

[audience laughing]

- Coffee, sugar, flour, cookies.

[audience laughing]

- Let me guess, Bozo the clown.

- Very funny.

- What do you think you doing?

- I'm looking for something to eat.

- Flour?

- It doesn't say flour.

It says cookies.

- They will be cookies when I make them.

- It's all your fault.

This wouldn't have happened if you'd been here

like you're supposed to.

- I was out shopping with Jenny.

Stanley I bought her the cutest pair of new shoes.

- With our money?

- I couldn't resist.

- Why do you have to buy her new shoes?

- To go with the new outfit

I'm buying her this afternoon.

- And you're k*lling me.

- Stanley, Jimmy is a pretty young girl.

She just doesn't know it yet.

- Wouldn't it be cheaper if we just gave her a mirror.

- Look she should be out dating

like other young girls her age.

- Didn't you hear what she said.

She's not interested in boyfriends

- Oh, she was just covering up.

What she needs is a little womanly advice

on how to attract the young men's attention.

- You're going to show her?

[audience laughing]

- I attracted your attention, didn't I?

- Yeah, but that was right after I spent four years

in the army.

[audience laughing]

Will you stop worrying about Jenny

and start worrying about my lunch.

- Is that all you ever think about?

- Ellen you're forgetting your wifely duties.

- You gotta be kidding me.

- I don't mean those duties.

- I'm gonna go up and show Jenny

how to use the new eye shadow I bought her.

- What about me?

- You look adorable.

[audience laughing]

- You gotta love living in Los Angeles Michael.

It's got everything.

Beaches and pretty girls, good university.

- How about the pollution?

- You can ask him yourself.

- Ask me about what?

- Nothing, come on.

- Brooks, aren't you going to introduce me?

- I hadn't planned on it, no.

- Uncle Jeff.

- Uncle.

- Yes, this is my nephew Michael.

He's just transferred here from Columbia.

- Columbia?

[speaking in Spanish]

[audience laughing]

- Not the country Roper, the university.

- Uncle Jeff's been telling me

you really know how to have a good time out here

in California.

- Well, I do get around.

- That's not what he meant.

- Don't even bother Mike.

- I thought I heard you Jeffrey, there's a call for you.

- Excuse me.

- You don't know anybody at all here yet, do you?

- No, not really.

- And now it's not a good time to start.

- Jeffrey the caller said it's urgent.

- I heard what you said about having a good time.

- Oh yeah.

- Would you like to go out on a date?

- You are not my type.

[audience laughing]

- I'm not talking about me.

I got a girl in my storeroom.

- Oh yeah, what are you doing?

Stocking up for a rainy day?

- No she's just living there temporarily.

- well, thanks all the same, but no thanks.

- Hold it.

I'll introduce you to her this afternoon.

Then You can just ask her to go out.

- I'm sorry, but I don't go out on blind dates.

- Hold it.

You said that you're new in town, didn't you?

Do you really think you can find a date anywhere?

- Sure.

[audience laughing]

- But do you think you can find a date

to go out with you tonight?

- Sure.

- Okay.

But do you think you could find somebody

who will give you 50 bucks to go out with that date?

- No.

You really offering me $50 to take her out?

- Did I say 50?

- You got yourself a deal.

$50 and I promise you,

we're gonna have a great night in town.

- How about 35 you just hang around the neighborhood?

[audience laughing]

I didn't think so.

Ellen, do you want to let me get even

for the other night?

- Later, Stanley, I'm hemming Jenny's dress.

- Will you just stop fussing around about Jenny

and let nature take its course?

- Sometimes nature can't make it.

- Hi.

- Oh hi Jenny.

- Thank you, thank you, thank you.

- What's that about?

- Mr. Roper introduced me to Mr. Brooks nephew

and he asked me out tonight.

- He did?

[audience laughing]

- Isn't that terrific?

Excuse me, I got to get ready.

- But Stanley.

Stanley?

- I'm home.

- Hi.

- Hi.

[lips smacking]

Where's Michael?

- Upstairs.

- Ah, studying no doubt.

- I doubt.

- Honey he reminds me of me when I was 20.

So charming, so bright, so talented.

- So modest.

- Yes, here I am.

Oh Michael.

- Hi, uncle Jeff, even dresses for dinner.

- Got a date.

- A date.

In town 24 hours and already has a date.

Why you don't let any grass grow under your feet

you sly fox you.

See we use the same aftershave.

- You do now.

[audience laughing]

- I hope you don't mind.

- Mind?

Of course not.

Oh, that is a nice tie.

- Oh yeah, I hope you don't mind my borrowing that too.

- You know you're right Jeffrey,

he's getting more like you every minute.

[audience laughing]

- Well, a man can't make too good an impression

on the right kind of girl.

Oh, why don't you borrow my car to pick her out?

No come on, come on.

I insist, okay.

- Have a nice time.

- Oh, I will.

- I'm sure you will.

Hey, need any money son?

- Oh, I don't like to take any money,

but since everything is more expensive in California,

thanks a lot.

- Don't mention it.

I'm sure whoever your date is, she is worth it.

- Right.

- What are you doing?

- Picking up my date.

- You what?

[audience laughing]

- Hi.

All set.

- Oh great.

Let's go.

- Michael.

- Don't worry uncle Jeff.

- Michael.

- Don't they make a nice couple.

- Roper.

- Good night.

[audience laughing]

- Oh Stanley didn't Jenny looked lovely.

- Ah yeah.

How about some dinner?

- Oh, I hope she has a good time tonight.

- Well, for $50, she better.

- But?

- I paid him $50 to take her out.

- You paid him to take her out?

- You think it was too much?

[audience laughing]

- I don't care about the money.

[audience laughing]

- Is it bribery to give somebody money

to take somebody else out?

- Yes.

- You call it bribery when you give that person money

to try and have a good time?

- Yes.

- Was it bribery when your father gave me money

to take you out?

[audience clapping]

- He didn't.

- It's only because he was too cheap.

- Stanley.

- Okay, you want me to tell you why I paid him

to take Jenny out?

- Yes.

- Because I miss you.

- What?

- Well, you spend all that time with Jenny

and none with me and I get lonely.

- Oh really Stanley?

- Yeah.

Well, it means a lot to me when I'm watching TV

or reading to know that you're near close to me

in the kitchen cooking.

[audience laughing]

- Okay, so you're lonely.

What about Jenny?

- Well, I did it for her too.

I knew she was unhappy because she didn't have a boyfriend.

- Oh, Stanley.

I know you meant well, but you did the wrong thing.

Even if it was for the right reason.

- Well, there's nothing we could do about it now.

- Oh yes, there is.

When the kids come back, you can do something.

- Like I ask him for my money back?

[audience laughing]

- No, you can tell Jenny the truth.

- Why?

So I can make her unhappy.

- She'll really be unhappy if he never asks her out again.

- What if he likes her?

- I'm not going to take that chance.

Now this time you're gonna do the right thing

for the right reason.

- What is the right reason?

- I'm gonna k*ll you if you don't.

- That's a good reason.

- Imagine my nephew out that girl.

And you knew about this

why didn't you say something?

- I did.

I told him to have a nice time.

- Not to Michael, to me.

I could have warned him.

- Oh Jeffrey, don't you think he has a mind of his own?

- Exactly my point.

We're talking about an intellectual here.

He has no knowledge of the real world.

He's a sitting duck for a girl like that.

- Jeffrey you're being ridiculous.

It's just a date.

It's not like they're getting engaged.

- Engaged?

- Jeffrey.

- Of course that's what she's after,

the family name.

- Dinkalmann?

[audience laughing]

- That's right, he's my sister's son.

But none of that matters?

He'll still look at him with those big eyes

and toss her hair seductively,

laugh at his tiny little jokes.

- You mean like I did with you?

- You couldn't help yourself.

[audience laughing]

- Jeffrey what do you think is gonna happen tonight?

- And there's no telling what two people will do

in a moment of passion.

- Hi, what are you two talking about?

- Nothing.

- Oh sex again.

[audience laughing]

- No.

- David, what are you still doing up?

- Aren't you gonna tuck me in?

- Oh, I'll be up in a second honey.

You go on to bed.

- David now just a moment.

Isn't there something you want to say to me?

- What do two people do in a moment of passion?

- Go to bed.

[audience laughing]

- Oh is that what they do?

- No, but yeah, no.

- You can go to bed.

- You heard your father, David,

you go right to bed.

Just as soon as he tells you

what to people do in a moment of passion.

[audience laughing]

- There you go.

Passion is an emotion.

- What's an emotion?

- An emotion is a feeling that you that you feel.

- Like when I get a stomach ache?

- No, we're getting very close here.

This kind of feeling is something inside you,

inside you that grows.

- Like a mommy having a baby?

- No, no, no David.

It's not some things,

It's just something, something, it's a something.

- It's okay Daddy, if you don't know the answer, nevermind.

It's not important.

- But it is important David,

you asked me a legitimate question you deserve an answer.

How else are you going to learn?

- You see, David,

you see how strongly your father is feeling

about teaching you the meaning of words?

- Yes.

- That's passion.

- Oh, thanks for explaining it to me.

- Your father was very happy to explain it to you.

Weren't you Jeffrey?

- Oh well, sure.

I mean what are fathers for?

Smart kid.

- They are back.

- Yeah, well I think I'm calling it a night.

- Oh no you don't.

You are gonna stay up and tell Jenny what you did.

- I can't throw a wet blanket on romance.

That's just not in me.

- Believe me, Stanley it is.

Now promise me you'll tell her.

- All right, all right.

- Hi.

- Oh, hi kids.

Well, how'd it go tonight?

- Terrific.

- It did?

- Yeah, we went to a disco, had a wonderful time.

- Really.

Stanley did you hear that?

- Yes, too bad they'll never go back there again.

- What makes you say that?

- Well, after I tell Jenny what I did.

- No, you don't have to now.

Didn't you hear they had a wonderful time.

- Yeah but I thought you wanted...

- No that was before.

How about some cocoa.

- I don't want any cocoa.

[audience laughing]

- I was talking to the kids.

- I'll help you, Mrs. Roper.

- All right, and Stanley you make Michael feel at home.

- You want me to nag at him?

[audience laughing]

- Can't you see he likes her?

Now make it feel welcome.

- So you had a nice time, huh?

- Yeah.

- That's great, that's great.

- Got any change leftover?

[audience laughing]

- Oh Mrs. Roper.

- Oh Jenny.

- That Michael, what a creep.

- What?

- Well couldn't keep his hands off me all evening.

I had the worst time of my life.

- But you said you had a wonderful time.

- What could I say after Mr. Roper introduced me to him?

- Oh Jenny Mr. Roper was just trying to help you

meet a nice young man.

- And I appreciate it,

but I gotta get to know people first at my own speed.

- Oh, of course.

I should have realized.

- Mrs Roper,

what am I gonna do about Michael?

- Well, don't worry,

after tonight you won't have to them again.

- So just consider this your home.

You come dinner tomorrow night

and then Friday we'll introduce...

- I don't think so. Mr. Roper.

- Why not?

You'll have a good time.

Jenny will be here.

Look, Mr. Roper is Jenny related to you or anything?

- No.

- Oh good, then I can level with you.

And after all the trouble I went to tonight,

she doesn't seem very grateful.

- What are you talking about?

She's in there making cocoa for you right now.

- It's not what I meant.

Look, when you were my age and you went out

and spent a lot of money on a girl,

didn't you expect her to return the favor?

- Well, sure.

- I never met a girl who spent money on me.

- That's not what I meant.

- Oh, I know what you mean.

She wouldn't let you kiss her goodnight huh?

Don't worry about that.

Ellen wouldn't let me kiss her goodnight

on her first date either.

Talk about not knowing a good thing.

[audience laughing]

- That's not what I meant either.

- No?

- Listen, you look like a guy who really knows the score.

- Yeah.

- Well, after you've gone out and you've shown a girl

a really good time, don't you think

that the least she could do would be to put out?

- Michael, let me show you something.

Come here, come here.

- What do you wanna show me?

- The street.

Get out.

[audience clapping]

Listen, I don't care how crazy you are about this kid.

I just threw him out.

- What?

- Now I know you'll be mad at me right now for a while.

- Mr. Roper.

- Don't cry Jenny, I can't stand him.

- You are a life saver.

- I thought you liked him.

- 'Cause I thought you liked him.

- Me?

I hardly even know him.

He's just some guy who I gave 50 bucks to take you out.

- Stanley?

- You did what?

- I...

- Oh Mr. Roper, you thought enough of me to do that.

[audience laughing and clapping]

Don't ever do it again.

- Oh I won't, I won't

[audience applauding]