01x15 - Player Hater

[bunniefuu]

- ♪

- Dougie, my man!
[palm slap]

Pepper and Sawyer, keep
doin' your BF/GF thing.

I like it. I do.

What's up, ladies?
New hair nets?

Oooh, lookin' good!

Hey, Newt. Have you
grown since yesterday?

- Have I?

- Nope. Still five foot
annoying.

- That's better than 4'11".

- Yes, it is.

Hey, Bella, is it just
me or is this

unassuming middle school
hallway one of the most...

magical places on Earth?

- Okay, Troy, you've been
in the best mood all week.

What gives?

- Well, let's just say
I've finally met my match--

a girl so perfect,

the only thing we ever
argue about is...

who's the pretty one!
[laughing]

- Oh, my gosh, Troy,
this is so cool!

Who is she and does
she like hugs?

- Hey, you can ask
her yourself.

Here she comes now.

- Charlotte Newman?

- ♪

- My dog must've ate yours.

- ♪

- You said it was a luau.

- GIRLS: [giggling]

- Ooh, Bella, got
a little spinach in the grill.

- Charlotte?

- Is that my bae?
- It's your bae.

- No stinkin' way.

- ♪

- ♪ You won't find
me in the bleachers ♪

- ♪ Yeah that girl
is one of us ♪

- ♪ I'm made of spice
and sugar ♪

- ♪ She's pretty...
she's pretty tough ♪

- ♪ Then add
a little glitter ♪

- ♪ She off in
a cloud of dust ♪

- ♪ And you get...
you get... ♪

- ♪ A game changer,
play maker ♪

♪ Take the ball,
she'll see ya later ♪

- ♪ I'm on a dreamlike,
teamlike ♪

♪ Livin' like
one of the boys ♪

- ♪ She got it goin', goin',
she got it goin' on ♪

- ♪ Play like Friday night

♪ Kickin' like
one of the boys ♪

- ♪ She got it goin', goin',
she got it goin' on ♪

- ♪ One of the boys

- ♪

- So, uh, see you
in Math class?

- Text me later?
- I'll text you sooner.

- Bye, Bella. Nice skirt.

- Charlotte?

I'd feel better if you
were taking a rattlesnake.

At least with them you
can suck the venom out.

[mimics sucking]

- What are you talking about?

- Your bae is bad news.

Did you hear what
she just said to me?

- Nice skirt?

- Oh, no, she didn't just
say, "nice skirt."

She said "nice skirt."
- I don't--

- It was a total
sarcastic put-down.

- Okay, you want
some peanut butter

to go with all that jelly?

- Troy, this is not jealousy.

You have to watch
your back around Charlotte.

I know she seems all sweet
and perfect, but she's not.

- [cell phone buzzing]

- Aw, she just sent
me the cutest selfie.

She is so pretty--she doesn't
even need a filter.

Look!
- I will not.

- Bella, look, I'm sorry
that you feel this way

about Charlotte, all right,
but, hey, people change.

- It'd have to be
a pretty big change.

- Look, you just don't know
her like I do, okay?

Charlotte pumps me up.
She's got my back.

Plus, she smells
like birthday cake

and you know
that is my favorite.

- Oh, boy.

Troy, I just don't
want to see you get hurt.

As your friend,
I am begging you--

please don't date Charlotte.

- And as your friend,
I say again--jelly!

- Okay, then as
your quarterback,

I forbid you from
seeing Charlotte.

- Forbid?
- Mm-hm.

- You forbade me?
I will not be verboten!

Bella, look, you may make
the calls in the field,

but not in my personal
life, all right?

I'm dating Charlotte, so you'd
better get used to it.

- Verboten?
That's not even a word.

- TROY: It's German!

- ♪

- Who put crickets
in my locker?

If this is somebody's
idea of a prank,

you can do better.

- Oh, sorry, Newt.

There was no room
for them in mine.

They're for Pepper's
new pet frog.

- I didn't know crickets
and frogs were friends.

- No, Newt, the frog eats--

Yeah, they're good friends.
[laughing]

- So, you two have been
together for a while.

How's that goin'?

- Sorry, Newt, I don't
kiss 'n tell.

I also don't kiss.
[shuddering]

Pepper and I are in
no rush to get serious.

- [cell phone vibrating]
- Oh.

There she is now. Oh.

- Yeah, it sure sounds like
you and Pepper are serious.

You text each other a lot.
- Actually, this one's my mom.

She's been hassling
me to bring home

my smelly gym clothes
ever since she got that message

from an "anonymous" teammate.
[laughing]

Whoever that is?

- Yeah, I can't believe we never
figured out his true identity.

- Let me tell her I'm
bringing home the clothes.

- Oh, thank goodness.

- [gasping]
- What's wrong?

- I texted my mom "I love you."
- Aw.

- But I accidentally
sent it to Pepper.

- What? You just
told Pepper--

- "I love you"?

Did he--But I--Are we--

Oh, I can't even...

- ♪

- Set! Hut!

- PLAYERS: [grunting, thudding]

- CHARLOTTE:
Nice catch, Troy!

- [whistle shrills]

- Look at her--distracting
everybody from practice!

Come on, guys, huddle up!

- We are.

- I knew that.

Okay, guys, v-hook,
h-post on 1-on-1.

Ready?
- OTHERS: Break!

- Down! Set!

- Do your thing, Troy!

- Oh!
[groaning]

Time out!

Coach, Charlotte
is a total distraction.

Can't you ask her to leave?

- Dawson, I think the only
one distracted is you.

- But, Coach, I'm going--

- Troy has been in beast mode
since that girl came around.

In fact, he's been
playing so well,

I sent a video to
a scout I know

from the Wentworth
Boys' Academy.

- Wow, they have the best high
school football team in Texas.

- Yeah, and if he keeps
playing like this,

he might win a spot
there next year.

- That's amazing.

Troy has been playing
really great.

Maybe Charlotte's good
for him, after all.

And he does seem really happy.

- Ya think?

- I guess I can give Charlotte
another chance--for Troy.

Right, Coach?

- Yeah, whatever, Dawson.

Now if you'll give
me a minute,

I'm updating my resume in case
Wentworth needs a new coach.

- Coach, you're gonna leave?
- Oh, no, no, no.

Not unless they ask me.

- Hey, Troy. Hi, Charlotte.

- Hey, Bella. What's up?

- Charlotte, I know we haven't
always gotten along,

and occasionally
we've had our issues,

most of which I've
talked through

with a guidance counsellor.

But now that you're
dating my friend,

we should be friends, too.

- CHARLOTTE & TROY: Really?
- Really.

Wanna grab a smoothie
after practice?

- Sorry, I already have
a mani-pedi scheduled.

- Hey, why don't
you go with her?

My girlfriend
and my girl friend, huh?

- Sure, that sounds like fun.

And I could really
use it, so...

- Cool. It's a date.
- All right!

So let's commemorate
this moment with a photo.

- BELLA: [laughing]

- Here you go.

Thanks.

Hey, don't worry about trying
to capture our good side.

They're all good!

- ♪

- Okay, do you think when Sawyer
texted "I love you,"

he meant will you wear
my Bulldogs jacket

to the playoffs game?

Or did he just mean I love you
like I love tater tots?

Or maybe he--

- I think "I love you"
means he loves you.

- [groaning] Can't you
ever just be a good friend

and tell me my boyfriend
doesn't love me?

- Listen, I know
this is stressful.

But you've gotta
respond to Sawyer.

- What do I say?
I'm not ready for this.

I thought he was
the strong, silent type,

not the lovey-dovey texty type.

- Well, it's been 24 hours.

Just send him something,
anything.

- Okay, I'm doin' it.
I am doin' it.

I'm doin' it.
[laughing]

And send. There. Done.
- What did you say?

- I have no idea.

- What the what?

- Oh...em...oji.

- Can I be honest?

I didn't really expect to have
such a good time with you.

- Me, neither.
This is fun.

- SHARI: All done.

You have the feet of an angel
who walks on clouds.

Let's go do your fingernails.

- You are gonna have to stay
back here for a while.

- Should I get a magazine?

- [sighing]
I'd get two.

- Okay.
- [cell phone bleeping]

- Oh, Shari, it's my
ex-boyfriend Blake.

Can you check it for me?

- Girl, it looks
like he's wanting

to get back together with you.

- Oh, my plan totally worked.

I was only going out with
Troy to make Blake jealous.

I guess it's time
to break up with Troy.

- Oh, you are good.

And by "good"
I mean "terrible."

- Man-feet back there
will lose it,

if she found out
I used her friend.

- Bad news.
Man-feet just found out!

- I can't believe you've been
using Troy this whole time!

I mean, I can believe it.

But I'm still surprised!

- He'll be fine.

- When are you gonna do it?
- I'm not.

The easiest way
to dump a guy

is to stop talking to him.

- You can't ice Troy out.
That's cruel.

At least, let me
break it to him.

He deserves to know
he's been dumped.

- Actually, that'd be great.

Then I don't have to deal with
another guy texting,

[mockingly]
"I really need my laptop back."

- You are a terrible person.

And, apparently,
a laptop thief.

- Huh? She called you
a thief.

Man-feet just left
with our flip-flops.

- ♪

- Troy, I have to
tell you something.

- Look, whatever it is,
it can wait.

I just got the best
news of my life.

A scout from Wentworth is coming
to see me play tomorrow.

- That's incredible, Troy!

- I know. Wentworth
is my dream school.

If I could play for them,

I'd be on the fast-track
to a college scholarship.

- Oh, my gosh, you're
going to blow them away.

- You know it.

With Charlotte at
practice this week,

I haven't just been The Troy,
I've been The Troyest!

And with her at the game,
I will be unstoppable.

- About that.

Troy, you don't need
Charlotte out there to do well.

- Whoa! Look, I don't even
wanna think about

how bad I'd play
without Charlotte, okay?

I'd fall apart, so don't
even joke like that.

Now what was it that
you wanted to tell me?

- I...I just wanted to
tell you that, uh...

Charlotte says, good luck and
get lots of rest for tomorrow.

- Aw, my bae is so sweet.

Can you believe how wrong
you were about Charlotte?

- [laughing]
Yeah, so wrong.

- Um, Bella, look.
Speaking of wrong.

Get some real shoes.

I mean, people are
trying to eat.

- ♪

- The problem is--

if I tell Troy the truth
before the game,

he'll fall apart in
front of the scout

and never get into
his dream school.

- Just tell him after
the game, then.

- He's bound to figure
it out before then.

Troy texts Charlotte like
a thousand times a day.

He even texts her
from the bathroom.

- SOPHIE: Ew.
- PEPPER: I do that.

I mean--ew!

So, what are you gonna do?

- I don't know.

It's not like I can
steal Troy's phone.

- Actually, you can.

You can steal his phone

and put your number
under Charlotte's name.

That way, Troy will think
he's texting Charlotte.

- But he'll really
be texting me.

That's genius, Sophie.

- [laughing] I do it
to my brothers all the time.

They still think they're friends
with Nick Cannon.

- Come on, you guys
can help me.

- I should probably
stay away from phones.

I don't trust my own
thumbs anymore.

- Good call. We don't want you
to drop another emoji b*mb.

I'll handle the phone.

You and Sophie are on
distraction duty.

- All right.

- ♪

- Hey, Troy, do you wanna
hear the new cheer

Pepper and I made for you?

- Uh, actually, I was
just about to go--

- PEPPER: Be totally
blown away.

Ready, Soph?
- Yep, uh...

- SOPHIE & PEPPER:
Troy, Troy, he's our man!

If he can't do it,
no one can!

- So, we hope he does it,
because if not...

Uh...Uh...

- Then there must be some
kind of terrible mistake...

and, uh, we wouldn't want
that, um, during a game

because, um...Go, football!
- Woo!

So, um, what'd you think?

- Uh, well, the "Troy, Troy"
part was really great.

Do more of that.
- Okay.

- SOPHIE & PEPPER:
Troy! Troy! Troy! Troy!

- Okay, bye!

- Okay. They'd better not
do that cheer at half time.

- ♪

- But I can't tell Pepper
my text was a mistake--

because you can't tell a lady
you don't love her, you know?

[sighing]
I'm talkin' to crickets.

Great, I'm Pinocchio.

- [gasping for air]
Okay, I was up all night

trying to crack
Pepper's emoji code.

- Are you sure it's a code?

All I see is a bunch
of little cartoons.

- Perhaps, to the
untrained eye,

but there is meaning
beneath the meaning.

Listen carefully.

Baby chick hatching from an egg,
pink heart, spaceship,

blushing smiley face,
panda bear.

Translation--the birth
of our new love

has me over the moon
with happiness.

Panda bear.
- What?

- Don't worry,
an alternative reading

is an army of tiny space pandas
is about to invade the Earth.

- Oh, my gosh,
I can't believe it.

Pepper loves me.

- Did you not hear
the alternative reading?

- [text tone]
- Ugh, more texts?

Seriously, Troy?
- What was that?

- Uh, I said,
"Seriously, Troy..."

...you're gonna crush it
out there tonight.

- Oh, you know it.
- BELLA: [laughing]

- As soon as I talk
to Charlotte.

She's been texting me,

but she doesn't quite
sound like herself.

And I haven't seen her all day.

- Uh, that's because...

she's coming down
with that flu bug.

She probably doesn't wanna get
you sick before your big game,

you know, because she's so...

thoughtful and sweet
and whatnot.

- Hmmm...

That all sounds...

exactly like Charlotte.

Speaking of which,

it's almost time for
our afternoon selfie.

- Afternoon whatie?

- Yeah, she sends me one every
day at 3 o'clock without fail,

so I can tell her
how beautiful she is.

Oh, nothing yet.
This is so unlike her.

- I'll be right back.

I forgot to remember
to do something, duh.

Hey, Charlotte!
- Bella, why are you--

- Aw, there's my girl.
I knew she wouldn't forget.

Oh, poor thing.

Looks like she's definitely
fighting something off.

- Oh, she was.

I mean--she is.

- You know, I'd better call
and make sure she's okay.

- Uh, Troy, don't!
- [Bella's phone ringing]

- That's odd.
I'm getting voicemail.

- What's odd is leaving
a voicemail.

I mean, hello, what year
is this--2014?

- Bella, why does Charlotte's
number go to your voicemail?

- What?

No, it doesn't.

- [recording] Hi, it's Bella.
Leave a message at the woof.

Woof! Woof!
- [cell phone beeps]

- Look, Troy, the truth is...

Charlotte was only
going out with you

to make her ex-boyfriend jealous

so that she could get back
with him--which she did.

It's over, Troy.

I didn't want you
to find out

before your big game
in front of the scout.

- Charlotte broke up with me?

You've known all day
and you didn't tell me?

I thought we were
friends, Bella.

- We are.

- Well, friends are supposed to
tell each other the truth.

- I did tell you the truth--

after you caught me.

Oh...

- ♪

- Hey.
- Oh.

Greetings.
- Same to you...sir.

Score some touchdowns!

- Thanks. You, too.

- I'll...try?

Bye.

- "Thanks. You, too."

Yeah, 'cause you totally
play football.

And, here, I'll flash
you a peace sign.

Who does that?

- Sawyer, what's wrong?

- Now that I know
Pepper loves me,

I can't act normal
around her.

Everything's changed.

We had a great thing goin',

but now our relationship
is doomed.

- Doomed?

Oh, heck, no!

- What did I say about
touching my arm?

- It's a punchable offense.
Ow!

Worth it.

Why did your friend have to fall
in love with my friend?

Now everything's ruined,
Sawyer's a mess--

- No, not at all.

Pepper's the one who
turned into a mess

after your friend said,
"I love you"--

like way too soon.
- That was an accident.

Sawyer meant to send
that text to his mom.

He doesn't love Pepper.

- Wait, so if Sawyer
doesn't love Pepper,

and Pepper doesn't love
Sawyer, that means--

- The tiny space pandas
are coming!

I mean, things can
go back to normal.

- NEWT: [whispering]
- SOPHIE: [whispering]

- Sawyer!
- Pepper!

- I don't love you.
- I don't love you, either.

- That was our first hug.

- What does that mean?

- I dunno.

- ♪

- Hey, Troy.

Listen, I'm sorry
I tried to trick you.

I was only trying to help.

But I understand,
if you're still mad at me.

- Bella, wait.

[sighing] Look, I'm not mad
at you, all right?

I'm mad at myself.

I should have listened
to you about Charlotte.

I mean, you were just
lookin' out for me--

in your own way.

Your own crazy, weird,
way-too-personal,

probably ill*gal-in-most
countries way.

And...and what's up
with stealing my phone?

- In my defense, you probably
should have picked

a better password
than "The Troy."

- [sighing]
Why is she even here?

This is my big chance
to get into Wentworth,

but I'm so angry,
I don't even know

if I can focus on playing.

- Unless you focus
your anger on playing.

- Or, better idea,

I can use my mad feelings
to help me play better.

- Or that.
- Okay.

I'm about to kick some butt

like this Wentworth scout
has never seen. Yeah.

- [whistle shrills]

- Set! Hut!

- ♪

♪

- [whistle shrills]
- SPECTATORS: [cheering]

- Yeah! Score!

- Troy, I'm so proud of you.

You really let your break-up
fuel your game.

- NEWT: Charlotte
broke up with you?

- Whoa, sorry, man.

But, wow, maybe you should
break up with a girl

before every game.

- Too soon, Sawyer.
Too soon.

- Hey, uh, Troy, uh...

This is Drew Althoff,

the scout from
Wentworth Academy.

- I've gotta admit
I'm impressed.

It's been a long time since I've
seen a talent like yours--

especially one with such
an unfailing grip.

- Wow, thank you, sir!

- I meant your handshake, son.
You can let go now.

- Sorry.

- But I did wanna tell you
that, if you want it,

there'll be a spot for you at
Wentworth Academy next year.

- COACH: [excited gasp]

- Wow! Are you serious?

This is such a great
opportunity.

I mean, there are
so many good reasons

to go to your school, but...

there's a lot of good reasons
to stay here, too.

I'm gonna have to
think about it.

Thank you.

- I understand, son.

We'll need a decision before
the end of the school year.

- Okay. Thank you.

- Yeah. Just for the record...
[laughing]

...he doesn't speak
for all of us.

- Ah.

- I just happen to have
my resume here. Ha.

Notice how the b*llet points
mostly line up here?

- After this week's
texting disasters,

maybe we should all communicate

the old-fashioned
way for a while.

- In poem?
- In person.

- Much better idea.

- All right, texting time out.
Everyone stack your phones.

First person to check their
texts pays for pizza.

- Cool.
- It's easy.

- Old school.

- [cell phones blipping,
vibrating]

- I guess you guys
are buying my pizza.

- Aw, Bella sent us
a video about a kitten

driving a monster truck!

- I wanna see!

Oh, that's so dangerous.

- ♪