02x12 - Accept No Substitute

[bunniefuu]

- Aah.

- Ooh.

- If I have to do one more
sprint my legs might fall off.

- You know what?

I think I'm just gonna
sleep here tonight.

Bella, can you toss me one
of your fluffy pillows.

Goodnight.

- Oh, you think today's
practice was hard?

Wait 'til tomorrow.

- Ooh.

- Oh, man.

- Coach, can I ask you
a question, man to man.

Why are you pushing us so hard?

- Yeah.
Okay, we're on a three game

win streak and on pace to make
the playoffs.

Can't we ease up a little?

- Oh, listen, guys, I know
you're tired but we've gotta

work hard and push through.

The team that quits is
the team that loses.

Which is gonna be my mantra
tonight at Poppy's All You Can

Eat Sloppy Joe Buffet truck.

- Thanks for trying, Bella,
but it doesn't seem like

this t*rture is ending
any time soon.

- Oh, tell me about it.

I'm so tired after
I get home from practice,

I keep falling asleep
and missing bonding time

with my new pony.

And I cannot let my sister turn
any more animals against me.

- My feet are so sore I've had
to wear my comfy slippers

to school.

- Me too, sister.

Twinsies.

- ♪ You won't find me
in the bleachers ♪

- ♪ Yeah, that girl is
one of us ♪

- ♪ I'm made of spice
and sugar ♪

- ♪ She's pretty,
she's pretty tough ♪

- ♪ Then add
a little glitter ♪

- ♪ Three yards
in a cloud of dust ♪

- ♪ And you get,
you get ♪

- ♪ A game changer,
play maker ♪

♪ Take the ball,
she'll see ya later ♪

- ♪ I'm on a dream like,
team like ♪

♪ Livin' like
one of the boys ♪

- ♪ She's got it goin' goin',
she's got it goin' on ♪

- ♪ I'm gonna play it like,
Friday night ♪

♪ Kickin' like
one of the boys ♪

- ♪ She's got it goin' goin',
she's got it goin' on ♪

- ♪ One of, one of the boys ♪

- Before school tape sessions,
after school practices...

Coach is k*lling us
and the administration

doesn't even care.

- Yeah.

What kind of clown is
running this place, man?

- [clears throat]
- Principal Davis!

Erm, what I meant was
uh...uh...

kids love clowns, you know.

I'm gonna stop talking.

- Guys, practice is cancelled.

Coach and his staff got food
poisoning from a low rent

Sloppy Joe truck.

- They're going
to be okay, right?

- Well they're pretty sick.

The sounds I heard on the other
end of that call with Coach

shook me to my core.

I doubt they'll be
back before next week.

But, don't worry, kids,
I will find a replacement Coach

by tomorrow.

- Uh, Principal Davis, look,
I know I'm just a student

and it's none of my business
but what about Mr. Kurtz,

the substitute teacher?

- Mr. Kurtz?

Isn't he kind of--

- --amazing.

Mr. Kurtz would
be a great choice.

- The man is teacherly.

- I was hoping to hire someone
with coaching experience.

But, Kurtz is always available.

I'll call him now.

- Seriously?

Mr. Kurtz?

The guy who took 20 minutes
to get his tie unstuck

from the pencil sharpener?

He's kind of a joke.

- Kind of?

Oh, no, the dude's
completely incompetent.

Which means we'll get
the break we finally deserve.

- But what about
our winning streak?

And the playoffs?

- Bella, relax.

We're playing
the Wildcats this week.

A team we crushed so badly last
year that I played in that game.

I played.

Me.

- For the whole second half.

- Yeah, that's crazy
because he is not good.

- No.

- Thank you friends.

Look, Bella, what I'm trying
to say is we'll be fine.

I played.

Me.

- Oh, Pepper!

I just bumped
into the most awesome guy.

- Oh! Paint me a picture!

Canvas, colors, textures... go!

- Okay, so I was headed
to the gym this morning,

I was a little late because
abuela made me tamales--

- Not painting fast enough!

- I'm sorry.

He's super cool
and has the most amazing eyes.

I can't tell whether they're
sparkly or smouldery,

but...either way, I'm in.

- That is such a coincidence!

I just me a super cool,
super cute boy in the library

and he was paying a late fee,
which means he's responsible,

but also a little bit
of a bad boy.

- Whoo!

Is there chemistry?

- expl*sive.

Silent chemistry.

- So, you're over Sawyer?

- Completely.

We're happy just being friends
and I'm ready for some new love

puppies...

puppy love.

Sounded better in my head.

- [squeal] I'm happy for us!

- Hey.

- Hi, Cole.
- Hi, Cole.

- Wait, is that the...
- Yeah.

Is that your...
- Uh huh.

I gotta go.
- Me too.

- Goodbye.

- Look!

I'm so excited for this week!

- This practice is
going to be a breeze.

- [whistle peep]

- All right, guys.
Bring it in.

I'm Mr. Kurtz and it has been
brought to my attention that,

uh, I have a reputation
of a little bit of a pushover

and a "failed educator".

Well that all stops today
because from now on,

I will be a model substitute.

- You guys gave it
your best shot.

- We're going to work hard,
we're going to follow your

Coach's playbook and we're going
to get you ready for the game

against the Wildcats.

Anybody got a problem with that?

- Oh.

- Hey, come on, guys.

The man's just
trying to do his job.

Respect the sub.

- Thank you...kid I've
seen in the hallway.

All right now, first up.

Team...wow, that is some
terrible handwriting.

I can't tell if that's


- Please let it be Slurpees.
Please let it be Slurpees.

- Nope.

It says burpees.

Yep, let's do those.

What's a burpee?

- Uh...you know, Mr. Kurtz, this
binder can be pretty confusing

if you haven't played
football before.

- Yes, well I haven't.

I haven't even watched it.

- Oh!

Great, well, you know, why don't
I just run you through our

normal practice routine then?
- Oh, okay.

- Yeah.

On Tuesdays we really
focus on, uh...recovery.

- And silent reflection
upon last week's game.

- Very silent.

Shh.

- But, Troy, we have
a game coming up.

Shouldn't we at least
run some passing drills?

- That's right, Bella.

On Tuesdays we visualize
the passing drills.

In our minds.

- Visualize.

But that doesn't seem right.

- Well, you know that...
that's what we say, you know.

But then Coach told us
that the last four NFL MVPs

used visualizing
to up their game.

Shocking.
- That's right.

- Wow.
Well, you know what,

if it's good enough
for the pros then, hey,

it's good enough for us.
- Right.

- ALL: Yeah.

- Everybody,
let's get visualizing.

- Yes!

- Yeah, everybody relax.

I'll turn off the lights
and close your eyes.

- Huh, yeah.

I am no expert,
but this looks good.

- Oh! I just caught a touchdown.

No... I dropped it.

- Keep trying, little man.

Keep trying.

Okay, if anybody needs me
I'll be in my office,

visualizing a pizza...
with everything on it.

- Bella, you should really
be taking advantage of this.

Look, you deserve a break.

Plus, with the playoffs coming
up we won't have extra time off

for months.
- Yeah, I know.

I want a break too,
but I'm worried about the game

on Saturday.

- Okay, then...uh, let's
sit down and talk about it.

Look, Bella, if you're
concerned, I'm concerned.

All right, talk to me.

- Okay, I just don't think
this is a good idea.

We're in the middle of football
season and Coach says we always

need to be prepared and
whoever gives up first...oooh!

I quit.

- I can't believe we like
the same guy

and he's sitting right there,
just taunting us.

- Technically we
did follow him here.

- Good point.

- But you know what?

Now that I see him,
he's not all that.

- Yeah.

Cole's no Zac Efron...

except for the eyes.
- And that smile.

- And the hair.
- And that everything.

- It's just like, we get it.

You're charming
and you look great in leather...

and denim...

and shirts.

- This is so dumb.

We might like him, but that
doesn't mean he likes us.

- Yeah, you're right.

We don't even have
to worry about it.

Oh, we didn't order this.

- I know.
The smoldering shy guy did.

- Who did he say it was for?

- He didn't. He left a note.

- I think you're cute, Cole.

- He thinks we're cute.
- He thinks we're cute.

- Wait.
- Oh no.

- Hey, tell me again
why your Coach has you do this

on Thursdays?

- Uh, it improves our
hand/eye coordination.

- Yeah, the last four
NFL MVPs swear by it.

- Wow, thank goodness
for those four MVPs.

I mean if it wasn't for them
I'd have you guys running laps

like an idiot.

- With Mr. Kurtz these practices
have been so much less painful.

Still less painful.

- And my feet feel
so much better to.

I finally put my slippers away.

- Big mistake.

My toes are on safari.

- How about you Sawyer?
How's that new pony?

- We're totally bonded now.

She imprinted on me.

- Yeah, I'm pretty sure that's
not what imprinting is.

- Guys, you need to see this.

- Ace McFumbles here
with a Bulldog update.

The once hapless Wildcats,
who we pummeled


undefeated and feature one

of the best defenses in Texas.

- Oh.

- They're so much bigger
than last year.

- And faster
- And stronger.

- Does that guy have a beard?

- Guys, this must be why
Coach was pushing us so hard.

But we haven't done
anything this week.

We're going to get crushed.

- Yeah, hold on one second.
Okay.

Hey, guys, quick question,
do you know what time

the game is tomorrow?

I got the cable guy coming
between three and five.

So...Oh!

Oh, yeah.
Do you know what?

They're just disconnecting it.
I don't have to be there.

That's great news.

- This can't be happening.

Last year the Wildcats were
a team of kids just like me.

Now they look like a team of
kids who eat kids, just like me.

- They're going to crush us
and it's gonna hurt.

- Bella, you knew this
Mr. Kurtz thing was a bad idea.

Why didn't you save us
from ourselves.

- You just stood there
and let us make mistakes.

Shame.

Shame on you.

- Okay, first of all...

- No!

Isn't my guilt
punishment enough?

- What are we going to do?

We're doomed.

- Okay, don't worry.

There's an easy solution.

Coach left us exact
instructions on what to do.

Remember they're in his binder.

- The binder.

- Yes, the practice binder
with all our plays

and everything you need
to run our practices.

- Yes, that binder.

Yeah.

Pretty sure I left
that in the gym.

No...the library.

No...it's definitely
somewhere in town.

Depending on where
that bus was going.

- You lost it?
- There goes our winning streak.

- Maybe even the playoffs.
- We're ruined.

- What's the big deal?

You guys said you
didn't need that anyway.

- We lied, man.

It's super important.

- I told myself I'd never be
fooled by students again.

I'm too trusting.

Okay, I'm gonna find
that binder.

I just have to ride
the bus a lot.

- That dude is
never going to find it.

- His plan has so
many holes in it.

- Okay, so we don't have
the binder,

but we can go to the guy
who made the binder.

Let's go get Coach.

- And enter his house
of sickness?

Maybe we should wait
and see how Mr. Kurtz does.

- Forgot my bus pass.

Where is my bus pass?

It's in the binder.

- Let's go get Coach.

- Oh!

Hey, Cole!

My hair?

Thanks.

I woke up like this.

- You did not wake up like that.

- Oh yeah?

Why are you so dressed up?

You wouldn't happen to be
on your way to talk to Cole,

would you?

- I have a class presentation
about the...

importance of...uh...

dressing up!

For class presentations.

- Oh...[false laugh] yeah.

Nice try.

- Oh well, you're wearing your
too short for school skirt.

You were going to talk to Cole.

- Yeah.

To confirm what we already know.

He likes me.

- If by "me" you mean me...

then that's exactly
what you're going to find out.

- That doesn't make any sense.

Great!

You made me miss my chance.

- I think you mean I made
you miss...my chance.

- Whatever.

I'm done with you.

- I'm done with you too.

- Fine.
- Fine.

- Stupid short skirt.

- It's nice of you guys
to come by.

You're my first visitors.

- Oh, since you've been sick?

- No.

- Uh...well, we just came
by because we missed you.

So if you're feeling healthy
enough to come back,

you should come back.
Why don't you come back?

Come back.

- Yeah, Coach.
- Please.

- Look, it means a lot to me
that you guys want me back

so bad and even though
I feel terrible

I'm gonna be a man
and push through it.

God, no!

[vomiting sounds]
- Ooh!

- COACH: Remember me as I was.

A hero in your eyes.

- Why am I here?

I don't even play!

- It's hopeless.

The game is in two days.

- We still have one option.

Coach, we tricked Mr. Davis into
hiring Mr. Kurtz so we could

slack off.

And then he lost your binder
and we're sorry.

But now we don't know
what to do.

- That was your option?

Bella, the truth is never
an option.

What is wrong with you?

- Whoa, whoa, whoa!

Don't panic.

Now, there's nothing in that
binder that you don't already

know.

My plan was to train you guys
extra hard.

I knew if we could
outlast the Wildcats,

we...we could beat them.

Now if you'll excuse me
I've gotta go blow my nose.

[vomiting sounds]

- [toilet flushing]

- That is the sound of our
winning streak going down

the drain.

- Hold on.

We still have two days to get
a whole week of practice in.

- How are we gonna do that?

- We're gonna push ourselves.

We're going to run
all the drills,

plays and formations Coach has
pounded into our heads

all season.

The only way we stand a chance
of beating the Wildcats is

if we do some serious
make-up work.

- Hmm.

Or, alternative pitch,
Puppy Sloppy Joe gift basket

for the Wildcats?

And we let it do
the work for us.

No? No?
Okay, hard work it is.

- Ooh!
You look good.

And by you, I mean me.

- Oh...[false laugh] hilarious.

Did you have fun in your
waddling skirt yesterday,

penguin lady?

- I looked so good
I was sent home to change.

- Oh, please.

You were sent home because
your skirt was too short.

I should know.

I was the one who complained.

- Seriously?

- Seriously.

So what?

- So what?

I'll show you so what.

- Oh, you did not
just neck roll me.

- Take that wagging finger
out of my face

before I make you eat it.

- [gasps]

- What is wrong with us?

- We're letting
a guy tear us apart.

I'm so sorry.

- I'm sorry too.

- We have to do something
about this.

- I know what to do.

Do you trust me?

- I trust you.

- Follow me.

- Oh, hey girls.
- Listen Efron eyes,

we know you like one of us,

but we don't care
which one it is...

and you need
to leave us alone.

- But, I...
- No.

Pepper and I are best friends
and we're not gonna let you come

between us.

- And just think, all of this
could have been avoided

if you just told me you
liked me directly.

- SOPHIE: Pepper!

- All right, guys, we have five
days of practices in two days.

We're going to have to use every
free minute to get ready

before school, after school
and in-between classes.

Let's do this!

- All right!

- [cheering] ♪ Go, go!
Go bigger, go whole ♪

♪ Go, go!
Go bigger, go-oh whole ♪

♪ Go, go!
Go bigger, go whole ♪

♪ Go, go!
Go bigger, go-oh whole ♪

♪ Go, go!
Go bigger, go-oh whole ♪

♪ Three, four

♪ Go, go!
Go bigger, go whole ♪

♪ Go, go!
Go bigger, go-oh whole ♪

♪ Go, go!
Go bigger, go whole ♪

♪ Go, go!
Go bigger, go-oh whole

♪ It's getting crazy

- [whistle blowing]
- ♪ We gotta do some things

♪ Go, Go!

- Time out!

- [whistle blowing]

- With almost no time left, our
Bulldogs have one last chance

to score a touchdown and come
from behind to win the game.

Let's hope our substitute wonder
Coach has a few more tricks

up his sleeve.

- Okay, guys, here's the plan.

After the game I'm gonna take
the cross-town bus,

make it home to meet the cable
guy to turn the cable back on.

Said he'd give me ten extra
days if I gave him $30 cash.

Trust me, it's a good deal.

- I don't know how
I'm going to do it.

I am so tired.

- I'm exhausted just
watching you guys.

- Okay, I'm worn out too.

But Coach said
if we quit we lose...

and I'm not quitting.

We just need one more play.

Now who's with me?

- We all are, Bella.

- Come on!
- Let's go!

- [cheering]

- ♪

- Ten!

Hut!

- [whistle blowing]

- [cheering]

- Quarterback sneak.

The Bulldogs win.

- [cheering]
- Whoo!

- Wow.

That celebration took
a lot out of me.

- Good game, guys.

But we can't ever be
unprepared like that again.

- Whoo.

- Anyone missing a Coach?

- [cheering]

- Coach!

- Good to see you big guy.

- Welcome back, Coach.

- I was never contagious, Newt.

- I am not taking any chances.

- Seriously, we are
so glad you're back.

- Oh, thanks.

But I'm sure
Mr. Kurtz wasn't so bad.

- Good news.

Took me two days, 24 bus trips,
but I found the binder.

Turns out it was on my kitchen
table under a stack

of unpaid cable bills.
- Yeah?

Well, thank you.
- Yeah.

Inside you'll find
my application to be

your Assistant Coach.

- Well, I don't see
any application in here.

But there is this bus pass.

- Oh, sweet!

You found it.

This day just keeps
getting better and better.

- Coach, don't ever
get sick again.

- Uh, uh.

- Suit up.

Wind sprints on the field
in four minutes.

- Oh, man! Coach!
- Oh! You just...come on!