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01x04 - Rebel Without a Claws/The Farming Life Ain't For Me

Episode transcripts for the TV show, "Heathcliff and the Catillac Cats". Aired: September 3, 1984 – September 30, 1985.*
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Each episode featured two segments, one being about Heathcliff and his friends, while the other featured The Catillac Cats.

01x04 - Rebel Without a Claws/The Farming Life Ain't For Me

Post by bunniefuu »

- ♪ Heathcliff, heathcliff,
no one should ♪

♪ Terrify their neighborhood

♪ But heathcliff
just won't be undone ♪

♪ Playing pranks on everyone

♪ There's a race to be on top

♪ The competition
doesn't stop ♪

♪ Mixing with
the ladies fair ♪

♪ Being charming, debonair

♪ The g*ng will reign supreme

♪ And no can deny-y-y-y

♪ They'll make some history

♪ And always have an alibi

♪ So join in the jubilee

♪ The cats are great,
they'll all agree ♪

♪ Find in each calamity

♪ The cats' superiority

♪ Oh oh oh
oh oh oh oh oh ♪

♪ Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh

♪ Heathcliff, heathcliff,
no one should ♪

♪ Terrify their neighborhood

♪ But heathcliff
just won't be undone ♪

♪ You should realize

♪ He can win it with you

[Water splashing]

- Huh? Sounds like
the boys are having a party.

- Tracer, huh?
What a stupid name.

- Didn't your mama tell you
don't talk to strangers?

[Laughter]

- I'm not scared
of you alley cats.

You don't look so tough to me.

- Not so tough, huh?

For your information, shorty,

I'm the boss
in this neighborhood.

- Did someone say something
about being boss?

- Hey, you know,
we was just having some fun.

- That's what I plan on doing--

Just having some fun.

Raaarr!

[Shrieking and squealing]

See? Now wasn't that fun?

- Wow!

I think you're the toughest cat
in the whole world.

- What do you mean, think?

- You were really
something out there.

So, what's up next?

- I already told you
I work alone.

- From now on, we're a team.

I'm sticking to you like glue.

I want to be
just like you when I grow up.

- Don't try to accomplish
so much in one lifetime.

Huh?

Oh, well, it's been fun.

But don't call me.
I'll call you.

[Horns honking]

Nooo!

Ohhh!

- Speak to me.

Say anything!

- How about you got one second
to get your paws off of me?

Yeeoww!

- Hey, you look funny.

What's the matter?

You know what
I don't understand?

What are you going to do
with the garbage truck
once you have it?

- Ohh!

At least I won't have to
deal with that little
monster in my own house.

Help!

- Heathcliff,
look at what we found.
Isn't he adorable?

- I wonder where he came from.

- Isn't that cute?

They're friends already.

Little one,
you can stay for dinner.

Heathcliff, little one,
dinnertime!

- Wow!

- Whoa!

- Now, you boys
have a good meal.

- Ha ha ha!

- Well, as long as you're here,
you might as well eat.

He's done it again!

- Oh, my gosh!
Did I eat the wrong bowl?

Sorry, boss. Really.

- Forget it. I'm used
to disasters happening
whenever you're around.

- Heathcliff!

You ought to be
ashamed of yourself!

Eating all your food
and then taking food

Out of the mouth of
a defenseless little kitten!

And don't come back until
you learn some manners!

- Don't worry.
If that little cat stays,
I may never come back!

I think I'll go visit sonja.

Seeing her always
makes me feel better.

A little warmup,
and I'll be ready.

♪ Mee mee meeoww

Ah, perfect.
What a voice.

♪ Meow meow meow meow

♪ Meow meow
meow meow meow ♪

[Echoing]
meow!

[Crash]

Grrr!

- Now watch this.

♪ Bop a doo bop bop
bop shoowop ♪

♪ Boppidee doo wop yeah

- Oh, tracer!
You're too much!

[Buzzing]

- Huh?

Grrr!

That's it!
This means w*r!

- Thank you so much, tracer.

I don't remember
having a better time.

- Whoever's doing this, you're
going to be in a lot of trouble

When my friend
heathcliff finds out.

- I'll take my chances.
Hee hee!

I think a long trip is just
what this little guy needs.

[Train whistle blowing]

Uh-oh.

Write when you get work!

Now to get off this train
and back to a nice, warm bed.

- Meow! Help!

Meow! Help!

- Oh, great.
The kid's in trouble again.

Well, this time,
he's on his own.

- You can't leave
your little friend in trouble.

You must go back and help him.

- Don't listen to him.

That tracer's been
nothing but a pain

Since the moment he showed up.

- You're right.

- If you leave tracer now,

You'll regret it for
the rest of your life.

- Well, uh...

- Yeah, and if you help him,
he'll stick with you forever.

He'll keep driving you crazy
till you're old and gray.

- You're right.

- But he loves you, heathcliff.

- Oh, I can't take that crying.

- You know what I think of love?

- Good. Now go help your friend.

- I know I'm going to hate
myself for this in the morning.

- You--you better
leave me alone.

- Aww! Does that mean
the baby wants his mama?

- Hey, good one, muscles.
Good one! Ha ha!

- I'm not afraid of you.

And when my friend
heathcliff finds me,

You're both going to be
real sorry.

[Laughter]

- Heathcliff?
What a stupid name.

- Yeah. Stupid.

Hey, look at me.
I'm shaking all over.

- Hey, string bean, didn't you
reserve a private car?

- Huh? Oh, yeah. Right.

Private. Private car.

- Oh, ok, now.
On 3.



- I knew you'd come!

I knew you wouldn't let me down.

- Just sit tight, kid.

There's something
I've got to take care of.

- Oh, good. Another
little kitty cat to play with.

- Yeah, another kitty cat.

Boy, are you funny, muscles.

- You think that's funny?
You ought to look in a mirror.

- Hey, you can't
talk to me like that.

Oh!

Why, I ought to...

Ow! Ow! Ow!
Ow! Ow! Ooh! Ooh!

I'll catch up with you
in the next town, muscles!

- Ha ha!
Now that's funny.

- Gotcha!

- Pppllll!

- Grrr!

[Thud]

- Well, that was easy.

- Where is he?

Where is he?

Aha!

- Oh, great.
He wants to play trapeze.

- Oh, no!
Oh, no, stop!

Oh, h* h*!
You got to stop!

Oh, I can't take it.

Oh, no fair.

Oh, h* h*!

- Heathcliff, you're the best,

The greatest, the toughest cat
in the whole world.

- You know, you're
a lot smarter than I thought.

He's starting to look
real tired.

With any luck,
he'll leave today.

Hey, you missed a spot.

- I haven't seen cousin
lulabelle in a long time.

Thanks for the ride to her farm.

- No trouble at all.
It's good to get some fresh air.

[Sniffing]

- Whaa...ahh...

[Ah-choo]

- Look! There's the farm.

- Drop anchor.

- Aye aye, skipper.

- I mean, you should
drop it in the water.

- Oh.

- I'm glad cleo only packed
for a 2-day visit.

- The sailboat sunk.
Why not the trunk?

- What is in this little box
that weighs so much?

- Just my rock collection.

- Ohhh!

[Crow caws]

[Cows mooing]

- Pyuww!
- Yuck.

- Whoa!

- Ugh!

- Yecch!
- Gross!

- P.u.!

- Heh heh heh!

I wouldn't do that
if I were you.

- No?

- Uh-uh.

- Uh-uh?

- But we're here
to visit lulabelle.

I'm her cousin--cleo.

- Maybe you is,
and maybe you ain't.

- You can't stop us.

- I got this here
electric fence.

[Electricity humming]

Keeps the cows in
and keeps the strangers out.

- But we're not strangers.

- Yeah. I know riffraff
and him and him, uh...

But I don't know her.

- Lulabelle! Yoo-hoo!
Lulabelle!

- Cleo?

- Uhh!
- Welcome, cousin cleo.

I see you brought friends...

Men friends.

Hello.

- Hi.
- Hello.

- Hiya.
- Afternoon.

[Humming]

- Oh, no!
Eye contact.

- Well, y'all better
come in and set a spell.

- Yeah. Well, where
do you want the luggage?

- Why, you smooth talker.

You tryin' to
sweep me off my feet?

- Yeow!

- Whoa!

- I do believe
you got a crush on me.

[Boing]

- Howdy, lulabelle.

I brought you over a present.

- Thanks.
I'll open it later.

This here's orville
from the farm next door.

- Howdy.

- Howdy!

- We are just friends.

- Well, seeing as how
you got company,

I reckon I better be moseyin'.

I got me some chores to do.

[Thud]

- That mungo is
a hunk of dream angel,

But I don't think he likes me.

- Make him your
prize-winning cake recipe.

Once he tastes it,
he'll be all yours.

- You really think so?

- Well, just take a look.

The quickest way
to a fella's heart
is through his stomach.

For mungo, it's certainly not
through his brain.

- And then mungo
will be my beau.

[Giggling]

- If that cake gets made,
it's "good-bye, orville."

But she can't make
that cake if she doesn't
get the ingredients.

I'll show her she can't
treat me like trash.

Yep. I got a plan
all worked out.

I'll take the flour, milk,
eggs, and honey.

Then lulabelle can't make
the cake for mungo,

And I'll be her beau again.

- We'll start
the guided tour here.

This is where we grind
the wheat into flour.

I'll just get some flour now
so I can make a cake...

For my mungo.

That's funny.

The flour's all gone.

- This vacuum took out
every bit, clean as a whistle.

[Whistling]

- It's certainly
peculiar, indeed.

What do you think,
mungo, darlin'?

- Duh...

- Well, I think somebody's
stolen our flour.

- Stolen, huh?

Don't anyone move.

Freeze!

- Hey!

- What?

Yeouch!

- Whoa!

- Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!

Oh!

- Your turn, miss cleo.

- Lay a paw on me,
and you're dog meat.

I didn't steal any flour.

- I'll always take
a lady's word.

- Got to get out
through the window.

- Hey, what's this?

- Huh?

- Oh, no!
Mungo!

- [Ah-choo]

[Smack]

- My hero!

- Uh-aww.

- Hey, how do I
get off this thing?

[Gurgling]
that's how.

- Lucky we're here
to help you, huh?

- Yep. Whoopee.
Lucky me.

Come on. Move it out.
Let's go.

- I think he's starting
to like us.

- I got to get those eggs.

Bawk bawk bawk
bawk bawk bawk.

Bawk bawk bawk bawk bawk.

- Hey, wait.

- Bawk bawk--oh, no!

- Here.
You forgot one.

- Thanks.
Bawk bawk bawk!

[Squeaking]

Hmm...

Mooo!

- [Whistles]
- mooo!

[Snorting]

Mooo!

- Ole.

- Oh!
- Uh!

- I messed up on flour and milk.

I've got to get this honey.

Right now, the bees
are off gathering honey,

So this hive is easy pickins.

[Whistles]

[Buzzing]

- Yeoww!

Yeoww!

Uh-oh!

Whoa!

- Orville!

Orville!

Are you all right, honey?

- Honey? Well, what about mungo?

- When I saw you all
tied up like that,

I knew you were
my only true love.

Sorry, mungo, but that's
the way the cake crumbles.

- Yeah, ok.

Whew!

- Well, riff, you did it again.

- Yeah, I know.

- Piece of straw?

- No. Trying to quit.

- As dogs get older,
their senses aren't
what they used to be,

And the best way to make sure
they're not hurt

Is to keep them on a leash.

Not only does an older dog
have duller senses,

But his reaction time
will be slower, too.

- Let me at them.

- Keeping him on a leash
protects him from things like

Dog fights, cars, and bicycles.

- I could've taken them.

- Sure, you could've, old boy.

- ♪ Heathcliff, heathcliff,
no one should ♪

♪ Terrify their neighborhood

♪ But heathcliff
just won't be undone ♪

♪ Playing pranks on everyone

♪ The g*ng will reign supreme

♪ And no can deny-y-y-y

♪ They'll make some history

♪ And always have an alibi

♪ So join in the jubilee

♪ The cats are great,
they'll all agree ♪

♪ Oh oh oh
oh oh oh oh oh ♪

♪ But heathcliff
just won't be undone ♪

♪ You should realize

♪ He can win it with you