02x05 - Nick Takes Over The Law

[bunniefuu]

Nick, voice-over: it was late. It was real late.

I was working on the case of the missing shoe.

That's when she walked in.

Mr. Cannon?

Call me nick, kiddo. What can I do for you?

Nick, my parents are being so unfair.

Hey...

Sometimes it's just like that.

But not only have they grounded me,

But they've taken away my television rights.

Yeah, they can be harsh.

You don't understand.

Now I can't watch the nick cannon show on saturday nights.

What?

This is preposterous.

Those adults have gone too far.

I have to take matters into my own hands.

I'm taking over the law.

♪ We're takin' over ♪

♪ Come on ♪

♪ Ain't no party like a nick cannon party ♪

♪ 'Cause a nick cannon party don't stop ♪

♪ Ain't no party like a nick cannon party ♪

♪ 'Cause a nick cannon party don't stop ♪

Yo, what's up, y'all?

Nick cannon here, taking over the law.

Yeah, taking it into my own hands, baby.

Protecting the kids from unfair adults.

Whoo. We just on the beat waiting for some action.

Man on radio: attention, all units, attention, all units.

You hear that?

We have a in progress.

.

Roger that. Car is on it.

I'm on my way.

Copy that. Backup units on the way.

[Accelerates and sounds siren]

[Indistinct radio transmissions]

Cannon squad.

Let's go.

Where's billy?!

Nick: jackson, you watch these adults.

[Exhales sharply]

They told me I had to finish it all.

Billy, back away from the broccoli.

It's going to be all right.

Could somebody please get this kid a blanket?

Nick: got to check the fridge.

Pounds of broccoli.

Got to check the backyard.

Just as I thought--

Homegrown.

You two are going down for this one.

Just protecting the kids from unfair adults.

Vegetables--

Breaks my heart every time.

♪ Nick, nick, nick, nick, nick cannon ♪

♪ Nick, nick, nick, nick, nick, nick, nick ♪

♪ Nick, nick, nick, nick, nick, nick cannon ♪

Respond, "here, sergeant," when I call your name.

Benjamin sumpter.

Here, sergeant.

Jackson, karen.

Here, sergeant.

Spunkle, francis.

Spunkle, francis!

Yo, sir!

I'm--i'm over here, money! What's up?

Francis t. Spunkle, if you don't know,

Ask your uncle, sir.

Where I go, buddy?

Just fall in right there at attention.

Welcome to the academy.

You'll have the finest training

That anybody can possibly get,

And when you're finished here,

You'll be members of the finest force

In the country.

Finest what, sir?

Finest force in the country, "sergeant."

My name's not sergeant, my name is spunkle--

Francis t. Spunkle.

It should be on that list.

Pleasure to see you, spunkle.

S-p--

Fall in, spunkle.

Fall like this?

No, not fall down, fall right in there.

Fall--ok, sir. Up on your feet.

You got to be pacific with me, money.

Ten hut!

Right face!

Forward--hey, spunkle.

Yeah, money? What? I'm ready.

I'm line leader, sir.

This way. Right face.

Forward, on the double, march!

Left, right, left, right,

Left, right...

I don't know my left from my right, sir!

All right, cadets, next is the hood slide.

Tompkins, you're up. Hut, hut!

Spunkle, you're up!

There's bugs over here, money.

Oh, ok.

Why don't you try swimming across?

You got to get off on the other side.

It's hot. It's cooking my butt, sir.

One more time, spunkle.

Ok, money.

Good work, spunkle.

This door is what separates you and the bad guys.

Let's see you kick it down.

Here we go!

Get up there! Good one there!

Good kick! There's the way

To kick a door, ladies and gentlemen.

Kick butt, spunkle! Come on, spunkle!

Come on, kick--

[Knocks on door]

Kick the door down. No, sir.

In brooklyn, you kick somebody's door down,

You asking for a lot of trouble, sir.

Sergeant: there we go. Get right up there.

Pull up! Good. Next.

Next. Attack this wall.

Hut, hut. All right.

Good job. Spunkle!

Spunkle. Spunkle.

It didn't move, sir.

Let's try again. Hut, hut!

Good, good, good! Pull! Pull!

Get that other hand up there.

Get your right hand up.

Go without me!

Sergeant: hut! Hut! Hut! Hut! Hut!

On your belly. On your belly.

Let's go! Next!

Spunkle! Hup, hup, hup, hup, hup, hup, hup!

All right, keep going. Just keep going.

On you get. On you get.

Belly, belly, belly. Let's go.

This is not sandbox, spunkle.

And then went the flag right there.

[Sighs]

Ah! Ooh, I'm tired, sir. That was a good workout.

Cadets, I'm proud of you. You've done a hard day's work.

Thank you, money.

Let's hit the showers.

We'll do this all again tomorrow.

Hup! Let's go! Hup! Hup! Hup! Hup! Hup! Hup!

Hup! Hup! Hup! Hup! Hup! Hup! Hup! Hup!

Hey! Where y'all going, sir?

I thought we was a squad, money!

♪ Nick, nick, nick, nick, nick, nick, nick ♪

Nick cannon--chp.

But you can call me "chocolate chip."

Most cops have a breathalyzer.

Well, I have the bad breathalyzer.

I think I smell a suspect.

Excuse me, excuse me, young lady.

Can I talk to you for a second? Sure.

What are you eating?

A sausage hotdog.

Put down the hotdog.

Just step away from the hotdog.

Grab this, and breathe into the bad breathalyzer for me.

[Beep beep]

Yep.

Yep, I think I'm going to need backup for this one.

Boys, I need the big stuff.

Bring in the big stuff.

There you go.

Go ahead, take a swig of that.

Swish it around. Spit it on the ground.

Not on your hotdog.

Excuse me, young man, excuse me, young man.

Can I talk to you for a second?

You know why I stopped you? Why?

Breath check.

[Siren]

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

That's says it's nasty.

When's the last time you brushed your teeth?

How are you guys doing?

Great. Great.

You guys got fresh breath?

I think. Are you sure?

I think we do.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, that says "rotten."

Have you been eating fish?

No, but I've been eating eggs.

That calls in for the serious stuff.

Back! Back! Back!

Go ahead and gargle that up.

Don't swallow it. There we go.

Excuse me. Excuse me, young lady.

Is your breath fresh?

[Beep beep]

Whoa, whoa, whoa, that's smelly.

Little breath spray.

Aah.

Ugh.

Wait.

Lift up your arms.

Aah ha ha.

Maybe it wasn't the breath.

Sir, sir, sir, excuse me.

I need to have a word with you.

Just making sure your breath is--

Your breath fresh? When's the last time you brushed?

Absolutely.

Whoa.

Whoa. Oh, no. Oh, no.

That's bad.

Sir, do you realize you have a missing tooth?

Yeah, I just know that.

Right, we're trying to prevent any of your other teeth

Leaving your mouth, sir.

We want to keep all your teeth in your mouth, sir,

So we're going to loan you this.

Oh, I see.

I don't want any of your teeth

Leaving your mouth any more, sir.

Ok. Keep your teeth in your mouth, ok?

Ha ha ha.

Nothing to see here, people.

Nothing to smell here.

Just checking out the bad breath in the community,

Making sure--

Hey, officer, can I speak to you for a minute?

Uh, yeah.

Ooh, what's that on your breath, man?

I think you need to come with me now.

Wait, wait, no, no, hold on.

No, hold up, I can...

[Garbled] hold on...

I'm--i'm--i'm leaving.

♪ Nick, nick, nick, nick, nick, nick, nick, nick ♪

♪ Cannon ♪

This here is cannon squad headquarters,

Where we got officers working day and night

To protect kids from unfair adults.

Isn't that right, helman?

Yes, detective cannon.

Donut pretty good?

Yes, sir.

You might want to try a couple more, man.

You know, it's all about the sweets here.

Thank you.

Looks like over here

We might have another unfair adult.

Interrogation room. Let's go to work.

You know this little boy?

Yes, that's my son.

How did he get this haircut?

I don't know.

Let's ask your son who gave him his haircut.

My son is here?

Come on in, darby.

Darby.

You know this lady?

Darby: yes, she's my mom.

She gave me this terrible haircut.

And I didn't even ask.

I think he's just joking around.

He's a kidder.

Is this your bowl?

Yeah.

She used this bowl

To make the shape of my haircut.

Now, silly, no one can cut hair with a bowl.

You're forcing me to bring in the stinger.

The stinger?

Nick: sting...

Let this nice lady know here

What we do to people who don't cooperate with us.

[Chuckles]

We start right here by me cracking a couple of knuckles.

Sting: oh!

Nick: oh! Oh! That tickles.

That's just for starters, ok?

Had enough?

Ok, yes, i--i cut his hair like that.

Here you go, darby. Come on over here.

Oh, darby, you wouldn't do that to your mother.

Darby, it was a mistake.

I'm really...

[Gasps]

♪ Nick, nick, nick, nick, nick cannon ♪

♪ Nick, nick, nick, nick, nick, nick, nick ♪

♪ Nick, nick, nick, nick, nick cannon ♪

Everyone freeze!

Aaah!

Nick, voice-over: yo, it's about to get raw,

'Cause we taking over the law.

All: yay!

♪ Nick, nick, nick, nick, nick, nick, nick, nick ♪

♪ Nick, nick, nick, nick nick, nick cannon ♪

Officer nick cannon, aka "chocolate chip," here again.

Now, as you know,

Speeding is a horrible crime,

And it's my duty to protect and serve

And keep these speed demons off the street.

Let's go to work.

[Beep beep]

Excuse me. Excuse me.

You were going at least / miles per hour in this stroller.

Wow, for real?

/ Miles. Wow.

I want you guys to go back and go miles an hour

Back there for me.

Walk backwards, and then come forward miles an hour.

Just protecting and serving.

All right, that's far enough!

Bring it back, miles an hour!

I'm clocking you!

[Beep beep]

Excuse me. Excuse me.

Do you know you were going miles an hour

In a mile-per-hour zone?

Mmm, ok.

Do you know that that is ill*gal?

Someone can get hurt out here.

Look at that. Miles an hour. You see that?

.

That's double the speed limit--double!

Ok, ok.

Can you go back and walk for me again?

Thank you.

That's it. That's a lot better.

Pay attention to the signs.

Nick, on bullhorn: you are in a skipping-only zone.

Please go back and skip.

You are in a skipping-only zone.

Skip, no walking.

This is a skipping-only zone.

Skipping-only zone. There you go.

Hey, you little rebel. Skip.

There you go. This is a skipping-only zone.

This has now turned into a moonwalking zone.

No more skipping, no more walking,

No more standing and looking,

Only moonwalking.

Please, moonwalk.

Please moonwalk.

Please--oh, a collision.

Moonwalk carefully, people.

This is a moonwalking zone.

This family here-- turn around, face this way.

I don't want to write any citations today.

Now, we lift this foot up, people.

Lift this foot up. Push it back.

Lift the next foot up. Push it back.

And walk this way. Come with me, people.

There we go. Moonwalking zone.

This is not a joke, people.

This is a crawling zone. Thank you.

On your knees, on your hands.

This is a crawling zone.

Respect the signs, respect authority,

Respect the street.

This is a crawling zone, people.

No walking.

This is a crawling zone, people.

This is not a game.

I do not want to write citations today.

♪ Nick, nick, nick, nick, nick, nick, nick ♪

All right, kids,

Here we go.

Everyone's pencil

Ready and sharpened?

When I say "go," you have minutes.

And...go!

Everyone freeze!

ill*gal pop-quiz. Just as I thought.

Don't worry, kids. I'm here to protect you.

Everything's going to be all right.

Yay! Whoo!

Ma'am, ma'am, don't run.

It's going to be ok.

Don't--she's got an apple.

I was just doing my job, officer!

I'm just doing my job!

Aaah!

[Students yelling and cheering]

Cannon squad-- protecting kids from unfair adults.

Aaaaaah!

[Tires screech]

Aah! Suspect on the loose.

I need choppers!

Suspect's getting away. Got to go.

[Siren blaring]

Calling all cars, calling all cars.

We got a suspect on the loose.

Nick: all units respond. We've got a in progress...

[Siren]

She's picking up speed.

She's driving like a maniac.

Teacher: ok, I think I'm in the clear now.

I think it's time to call in the c.g. Unit.

Oh, no!

A crossing guard.

[Tap tap]

The cannon squad...

Protecting all kids from unfair adults.

Whoo! Whoo!

Yeah!

♪ Nick, nick, nick, nick, nick, nick cannon ♪

♪ Nick, nick, nick, nick, nick, nick, nick ♪

♪ Nick, nick, nick, nick, nick, nick cannon ♪

Nick, voice-over: ok, guys, since I'm taking over the law,

It's the perfect time for a hidden cannon prank.

We got a $ bill, the hidden cannon honesty squad,

And, of course, my hidden glasses.

Now it's time to go do our thing.

Let's watch it happen, baby.

[Whistle blows]

Excuse me, sir.

We're with the honesty investigation department on the cannon squad.

I was just wondering what you were going to do with this.

I was going to spend it, bro, what else?

Do you know that this is not your money? Yeah.

It's not honest to pick up money off the ground.

Can you step over here with me, sir?

[Whistle blows]

Excuse me, sir.

What were you going to do with that bill?

Buy stuff.

Does that belong to you, sir?

No.

Where did you get it from?

From the floor.

Sir--should we bring him in?

This isn't a laughing matter, sir.

Boy: take him in.

Nick: what did you say?

The family's requesting that I take him in.

Come on, you're going to have to come with me.

Come--come with me.

[Whistle blows]

Excuse me, honesty investigation.

What were you going to do with that?

We have an andrew jackson, guys.

I found it on the ground.

What happened?

I don't want it.

Who picked up the money off the ground?

Sir, do you know who it was?

I didn't really see it.

We need to find out which one of you picked up the money.

There's got to be prints on this from one of them.

Two sets of prints on the jackson.

Bring them in.

Could you guys follow me, please?

Follow me.

Nick, voice-over: ha! Busted.

[Whistle blows]

Excuse me, excuse me.

Honesty investigation unit.

I was just wondering what you were going to do with this.

I don't know.

I think we're going to go shopping.

Don't you know it's not right to spend other people's money?

Yeah, but we just found it.

You're not supposed to spend money

That you just find off the ground.

You're supposed to look for the rightful owner. Don't you know that?

We just found it. Come with me.

We're sorry. Come with me.

Come with me.

Nick, voice-over: I know exactly what to do with this money.

This was a good idea.

♪ Nick, nick, nick, nick, nick, nick, nick ♪

[Buzz]

Do you guys recognize these adults?

All: yeah!

Want to have some fun with them?

All: yeah!

It's time to play...

Cannon says, "raise both of your hands."

Cannon says, "turn around."

Step to your left.

Aah! You're all out. Cannon didn't say.

[Laughter]

Yeah.

Cannon says, "turn back around."

Cannon says, "do your best disco dance."

Come on!

All right, stop! Think about it.

Cannon didn't say again!

Enough horseplay.

Cannon says, "take huge steps forward."

Come on!

All right.

Cannon says, "repeat after me."

If I do the crime...

All: if I do the crime...

I do the slime.

All: I do the slime?

♪ We're takin' over ♪

[Kids cheering]

Oh, yeah! Whoo!

Hey! I just want to thank everybody who helped me take over the law--

My man sting, all the kids here,

And especially you kids at home.

So I'll catch you next time.

Hey, everybody, say, "peace out."

All: peace out!

Nick cannon. Holler. Whoo!

Cannon squad, baby.

[Cheering and applause]

♪ Nick cannon ♪

♪ Come on ♪

♪ Ain't no party like a nick cannon party ♪

♪ 'Cause a nick cannon party don't stop ♪

♪ Ain't no party like a nick cannon party ♪

♪ 'Cause a nick cannon party don't stop ♪

♪ Do my ladies take this party over? ♪

♪ Oh, yeah ♪

♪ Or do my dogs take this party over? ♪

♪ Oh, yeah ♪

♪ Ain't no party like a nick cannon party ♪

♪ 'Cause a nick cannon party don't stop ♪

♪ Ain't no party like a nick cannon party ♪

♪ 'Cause a nick cannon party don't stop ♪

♪ Ain't no party like a nick cannon party ♪

♪ 'Cause a nick cannon party don't stop ♪

♪ Do my ladies take this party over? ♪

♪ Oh, yeah ♪

♪ Or do my dogs take this party over... ♪

♪ Ain't no party like a nick cannon party... ♪

I'm goin' to do it how we do it in brooklyn, money.

Brooklyn!

Brooklyn, sir.

♪ We takin' over ♪