01x05 - Evil on Trial/The Smell of Vengeance, Parts 1 & 2

[bunniefuu]

Once upon a time, there was a

Jillionare playboy who was

Blown up in a tremendous
expl*si*n.

His brain survived [stomach,
too]

And was attached to the body of

A stupid circus bear.

I am that brain.

My name is hector con carne,

And I will one day rule

The world

Man, on tv: you'll pay
for your crimes, rocko.

Rocko, on tv:
shut up, old man.

No one's gonna
catch me, see?

Hold it
right there, rocko!

We interrupt
this program to bring you
a special news bulletin.

Hector con carne, the world's


Is still at large.

That's me!

The maniacal,
disembodied brain

Is known for his
world domination plots,

Jewel heists,
and gum ball machine smashings.

The f.b.i. Is offering
a huge cash reward.

Just call...

To help us arrest this lunatic.

[Ooga horn honks]

Hmm.

Sir,

Can I get you
some popcorn

To go
with your movie?

Popcorn? Boskov,
I would love some!

Be right back.

Woman on telephone:
hello, this is the f.b.i.

All of our operators are
currently assisting
other customers.

[Elevator music playing]

Carne: where's
the popcorn, skarr?!

Be right there!

Hello,
f.b.i. Here.

Hello, yes,

I'd like
to report...

[Whining and rumbling]

Skarr! Hurry up
with that popcorn!

Here we are, sir,

Fresh popcorn.

Help yourself.

Ha ha ha!

[g*ns c*ck]

[Door opens]

Con carne,
you've got a visitor.

How's it going, chief?

Major doctor,
it's about time!

So, what's the deal?

Well, I have
good news

And bad news,
chief.

What's the bad news?

The bad news is that
no one will take
your case.

And the good news?

The good news is
that I'm going to
represent you!

What?!
Don't worry, chief,

I've been up all night
reading up on the law.

I can get you off.

I'll just turn on
the ghastly charm!

That will
not be necessary!

Listen to me,
ghastly.

I have a plan
all worked out
for the trial.

I want you to follow
these instructions.

Um, I don't think
this will work.

Oh, well,

Well, just follow
the plan, major doctor!

Whatever you say,
chief.

[Gavel pounds]

Man: this court is
now in session.

The honorable judge bukowski
will preside over this court.

The state versus
hector con carne.

His guilt of innocence
will be determined by
a jury of his peers.

The prosecutor
may present his case.

Blah blah blah
blah blah!

Uh-oh, cod commando.

My archenemy!
He stinks.

Blah blah blah.
Blah blah blah
blah blah. Blah!

Hey, what's
he saying?!

Silence, please.

Shh!

Blah. Blah blah
blah blah...

Ah! He's a monster!

Hector con carne is worse
than attila the hun.

He deserves
the chair!
Lock him up!

That's the most
terrible thing ever!

Awful, awful!

You liar!

Order!

The counsel for the defense
may present his case.

Blah blah.

Initiate my plan,
major doctor.

May I have
exhibit "a," please?

The defense
presents exhibit "a."

Hee hee hee!

Why, that's
a giant peach.

Ha ha! Oh, my!
Ha ha ha!

A peach
of a peach.

[Laughter]

Aah!

[Frantic screaming]

Yes!

Ow, ow, oh!
My spleen!

I've never
been so happy.

Back you swine, back!

Cod:
blah blah blah
blah blah blah.

Shark repellent?!

Blah!

Huh?

Aah!

Blah blah blah blah blah!

[Yelping]

Blah--blah blah blah blah!

[Gavel pounding]

Hector con carne,

The jury finds you
unanimously guilty.

I therefore sentence you
to a billion years
in federal prison.

Ghastly,
do something!

You honor,
I beg you.

Hector's not
a real criminal.

He's...an idiot.

Ghastly,
what are you doing?

He couldn't take over
a courthouse,

Much less
the whole world.

[Sobbing]

Please, we throw ourselves
on the mercy of the court!

All right,

Because of your pathetic
attempts at causing mischief,

I sentence you to a weekend
of community service.

And that goes
for your friend skarr, too.

I will now
bang my gavel.

You see, chief,
I told you I'd
get you off.

[Growls]

There, that's
the last of it.

Ohh!

Ha ha ha!
Ha ha ha!

[Hector snoring]

[Rings]

Huh? Hmm.

[Yawn]

Stomach,
time to get up.

Hmm? Morning.

[Belches]

Oh, pardon me.

Ew! Gross!

Horrible
morning breath!

Get your stink germs
away from me!

Speaking of stinky,

Where is that
stupid bear?

[Snoring]

Yo! Lardbutt!

Hey! You lazy
sack of flab!

Get your
smelly carcass up!

Get me out
of this tank,
you buffoon!

Stomach has some
lethal morning breath.

Now!

[Groaning]

Lazy
good-for-nothing
circus freak!

[Grumbles]

Eek!

Hey! Now hurry!
To the shower!

What the--p.u.!

Mamma mia!

You ought to try
using soap once in a while.

Wait! Where there's stink,
there's germs.

An exposed brain
exposed to germs?

Aah! Quick!
Get me to the shower!

Hurry! Faster!
Faster, you fool!

You fool! Aah!

Now make sure
you scrub
everywhere!

Yeah. Scrub
those pits!

Hopefully now
you'll smell
more respectable.

Don't stick it
in my face!

Get my herbal scrub.

Lather it up.

Ooh. Ahh.
That's the stuff.

Ooh! Not so hard.

Much better.

You know,
you should try
this soap sometime.

It does wonders
for your scalp.

Hey! What the--

Don't scrub with me,
you idiot!

Aah!

Oh...my...gosh!

You dolt!
Now you've done it!

Now I'm going
to smell like you--

Like stinky
bear hair.

Quick! Quick! I need
my antiseptic! Aah!

Quickly! Quickly!

Not the o.j.
Not that purple stuff.

Yes! That's it. Hurry!

Hurry! Hurry!

Get my globe out
of the dishwasher first,

You screaming ninny!

Ahh! Fresh and clean.

Ahh! Relief!

[Gurgling]

Now hurry!

Ghastly said she wanted
to show me something
important this morning.

To the control room!

Sorry I'm late,
dr. Ghastly. I--

[Sniffs]

What's thatsmell?

Oh, morning, chief.

I'm just putting
the finishing touches

On our latest
world domination device.

Hector: world
domination device?

Yeah. I discovered
an untapped source
of immense power--

Stink power.

Stink power?

Assorted soft cheeses,
the token skunk,

Dirty gym clothes,
and a commode for bouquet.

Yeah. I found
that if you combine
multiple foul odors,

Run them through
a sonic transducer,

And stick some
robotic legs on it,

You get the almighty
stink ray!

So...
How does it work?

Just push the button
and see.

Ok.

Robot voice:
begin firing sequence.

Ghastly: now watch
the monitor.

P.u.!

Ew!

Hand it over!

Ugh!
Phew!

I'm out of here!

This place reeks!

[People screaming]

Wow! That stink g*n
is magnificent!

Thanks, chief.

[Chuckles]

I want to stink up
some more cities.

Be my guest.

Here's to world
domination. Ha!

Ooh!
Ooh!

Yoy! Disgusting!

You dishonor us
with your stinky robot!

[Speaking japanese]

[Screaming]

P.u.!

He who smelt it
dealt it.

[Siren]

Do you smell
something?

Just life, baby.
Life.

Hector: you fool!

You can't put
a king on a 4!

Wait! We got
some e-mail.

Look. It's e-mails
from the league of nations.

It looks like our stinky
little plan is working.

Ghastly! Prepare
the videophone.

What's the meaning
of this?

How ruthless!

You, sir,
have not a heart!

Hector: silence!

It's time to conduct
some business.

What we have here, folks,

Is a simple case
of supply and demand.

I supply the end
to your stinky problem,

And I demand $3 gahillion
in return...

And a small piece
of land in montana.

[All talking at once]

You have one hour
to decide.

Ha ha ha ha ha!

Now what
do we do, chief?

We wait.
Ha ha ha ha ha!

Well, comrades,

Things don't
look so good.

But what shall we do?

There is one soldier
who can help us.

You don't mean...

Yes. I mean
the one soldier

Who has no nose.

[Ring]

Hello?
Abe lincoln: cod,
we need your help.

[Muttering]

[Gas blasting]

[Gas blasting]

[Gas blasting]

[Mutters]

Man: roger,
cod commando.

Proceed inside
bunny island

And destroy
the stink ray. Over.

[Mutters]

[Mutters]

Ha! Take that, seattle!
Now you really stink!

Ooh! Ooh! Let's do
kamchatka next!

Yes! Yes!

What? Where's my stinkiness?

Ghastly:
no problem, chief.

We're running low
on reeking socks
and underwear.

I'm on it. Ugh!

Ah! Very good,
major doctor.

[Sigh]

This is indeed
a grandday for me.

No longer will I be regarded
as some half-rate villain

Or some sort of accessory
to be stuck on this
stupid bear's head

Like some sort
of accursed hat!

No. From now on, I shall be
supreme grand overlord

Of everything.

Are you taking
all this down, general?

Undoubtedly, sir.

Hector:
very good, general.

Now, as I was a-saying,

Once I have assumed control
of the planet,

We will begin merchandising
my likeness across the globe.

Resistance will be futile.

Ghastly: all right, chief,
she's at optimum stinkiness.

Hmm. Who to hit next?

Ah! Let's do
camden, new jersey.

Wait! General skarr particularly
despises camden, new jersey.

Care to do
the honors, general?

General?

Ah! There you are, general.

Come over here
and take your vengeance
on camden, new jersey.

Go on. Press the button.

What are you waiting for?
Hanukkah?

That man is an imposter!

What? Two general skarrs?

Hey! There's something
fishy going on.

Rrraah!

Aah! Aah!

Look out, chief!
It's cod commando!

Cod commando?

[Mutters]

He says he's come
back to finish

What he started


You! You destroyed
my body!

I am just a brain
and stomach because
of you!

I hate you more
than life itself!

Uhh! Ooh! Ooh! Uhh!

Boskov! You devoured
my archenemy.

I--i don't know
what to say.

Aah! Aah!

Guards! Annihilate!

Doh!

Oof!

[Birds chirping]

My stink ray! Aah!

[Groaning]

You fool!

You could have released
dozens of stinky germs
into the room!

Boskov! Stop that fish!

Use your kung fu!

[Moaning]

[Growling]

Rowwrr!

Ow!

He's got your
stomach, chief!

Hey! Give it back!

Ooh...do I smell haggis?

That's showing him,
boskov!

[Growls]

Nice shot, boskov!

Right into
the stinky socks.

No nose alive
could survive
a stench like that.

But, chief,
fish don't have noses.

Ha! Uhh!

Germy sock! Aah!
It's covered in germs!

Disgusting germs!

Hey! I can see them!

They're angry!
They hate me!

I got to get out of here!

[Passes gas]

All: ew! Disgusting!

Hector: this is the smell
of defeat.

Skarr: smells more like
raw sewage to me.

Scrub harder,
you fuzzy doofus!

Well, chief,

The bad news is that
cod commando escaped.

The good news is that
I think we can salvage
the stink ray.

Negative, major doctor.

I've had just about enough
stinky smells.

[Passes gas]