01x09 - Ultimate Evil/Search and Estroy/The Pie Who Loved Me

[bunniefuu]

Once upon a time,
there was a jillionaire playboy

Who was blown up
in a tremendous expl*si*n.

His brain survived.
- His stomach, too.

- And was attached to the body
of a stupid circus bear.

I am that brain.

My name is hector con carne,

And I will one day rule
the world.

Ha ha ha!

Captioning made possible by
turner entertainment group

- Blah!

- Ok, chief,
as you know,

Every single one
of our previous attempts

To conquer the world
has been

A complete and utter failure.

Most of our troops
have deserted us,

And a.o.l. Has pulled
its funding.

If we don't do something
immediately,

Evil con carne will be no more!

- Poppycock!

We need to launch
a planet-wide as*ault

With space-based weaponry!

Ha ha ha!

Ooh! Ooh! Ooh!
Unh! Aah!

- Look, our failures
to conquer the world

And the devastating
humiliation suffered

At the hands of cod commando

Can all be attributed
to one stupid animal!

- But, chief,
enrique jr. Isn't stupid.

Watch!

- Yo quiero hector con carne.

- No, you fool!
I mean boskov!

He's a stupid, fat waste
of space,

And he never does
anything right!

- [Slurping]

- Fix him!

- Gasp!

What in santa's name
are you doing?

- Oh, hey, chief!

I'm just belly-dancing
with boskov.

It's part
of his rehabilitation.

I'm making sure he gets plenty
of exercise and lots of love.

- All of your new age hoo-ha
isn't going to cut it this time.

Instead, general skarr
will be put in charge

Of boskov's reeducation,

Which will include
lots of yelling, teasing,

And poking with sticks.

- I'm really going
to enjoy this.

- Soon, boskov will be

A ruthless, savage,
back-stabbing monster

That I can be proud of.

- [Grunting]

Aah!

- Ha ha ha ha!

- [Growling]

- Oh, did you...

- [Growling]

- Mmm. Ahh.

- [Moaning]

- Ghastly, make the call!

[Telephone ringing
on other end]

- Hello, spork headquarters.

- Cod commando, please.

- Hold, please.

- Blah-bloh?
- Yeah.

Hey, this is
an anonymous caller.

Hector con carne is trying
to take over the world again!

This is major doctor ghastly
signing out.

- Blah! Blah blah!
Blah blah blah!

Blah blah blah
blah blah!

- Cod commando
and his commandos,
right on time!

- [Snarling]

- Aah!

- [Growling]

- Go spork!

- Oh!
My cotton candy machine!

- [Grunting]

- What?
My shoe's untied?

- That's it, boskov.
Fight dirty!

Whoo!
Boskov, behind you!

- Flowers? For me?

- Ha ha ha!

Now, that's evil!

- Ow!

- Aah!
My priceless nagel prints!

- [Snarling]

- Kyip-blah!
Blah blah blah blah!

Wa-cha!
Blah!

Blah!
Woo-aah!

Wah! Wah!
Woo-rah!

Rah!
Blah blah blah!

Lah sah!

- Finish him!

- Ha ha ha!

- Perfectly evil!

And just in time
for the 7:05.

- Huh?
- Yes, yes!

Be mean, be cruel,
be evil!

- Rah!

- Aah!

Aah! Aah! Aah!

- Boskov,
stop, you idiot!

That's general skarr!

Woo! Woo! Woo!

Ghastly, what's going on?

- Well, chief, boskov's
grouchiness levels are
off the charts.

He might be angry at you two
for treating him badly.

- I see.

- Should I do something, chief?

[Train whistle]

- Oh, please,
take your time, ghastly.

First of all,
I would like to thank ghastly

For returning boskov
to his regular, fat, lazy self.

- [Belch]

- However, this fiasco has
revealed the true weakest link

In our operation.

- What? Me?

Oh, please.
What are you going to do to me?

My life can't get much worse.

- All done, chief!

- Excellent!

General, apply the motivator!

- Heh heh heh!

- Bah! Ha ha!
Please k*ll me.

- It's perfect!

- It's beyond genius!

- Only one word can describe
this device.

Brilliant!

- You've certainly outdone
yourself this time, chief!

- It is time to reveal
my secret weapon to the world!

Oh, yeah!
Hello, what's-his-name.

I've done it!

- Done what, sir?

- I've created
my most brilliant invention.

I call it the plasma-electro-
disintegrator-to-mush phaser!

Allow me
to demonstrate.

This weapon can burn
innocent houseplants
into a pile of dust!

A plasma-electro-disintegrator-
to-mush phaser!

That was my idea!

- His is better.

- Ooh, I hate that guy.

He really burns me up!

- Hello, neighbor!

How'd you enjoy
my little light show?

Heh heh heh!

- Estroy!
What do you want, bucketface?

- Please, hector!
I come in peace.

I want to bury
the hatchet, buddy.

- Hmm. I know exactly where
I'd like to bury the hatchet.

- I want to let bygones be
bygones and to invite you
to dinner.

- Dinner, eh?

This will give me a chance to
try to steal estroy's next plan

And use it myself.

I will gladly accept
your gracious invitation!

- Ooh, then it's a date!

Um, I mean,
dinner meet-thing.

- Wow!
Estroy's base is spectacular!

- Just give me a head start.

- Who is it?
- It's us, estroy!

- What do you want?
- You invited us over for di--

- No, I didn't!
- Just let us in!

- Welcome!
I'm glad you could make it!

Where's skarr?

- Eh, one of his pigeons
is sick,

So he had to stay home.

- Stupid secret plans,

Always at the top of 300 feet
of sheer, stupid cliff face!

Aah!

[Crunch]

- So, tell me,
major doctor ghastly,

Honestly, why do you continue
to stay with old bear-brain
over there?

I would love to have you
on my staff.

- Excuse me!
Is this a dinner,

Or some kind
of recruitment drive?

- Hmm.

Great design, but no match
for my superior intellect.

All I have to do is get
the timing right...now!

Aah!

[Crackling]

Thank heavens that's over.

[Buzzing]

I think I've found them.

- So, tell me, estroy,

Why did you ask us over
for dinner tonight?

- Well, quite simply,
I was hoping that,

Perhaps,
we could join forces.

- A partnership?
- That's not exactly
what I had in mind.

I was looking for
a new sidekick.

- What!?

I'm not going to sit here

And be insulted
while eating lousy food!

- Actually,
it's quite exquisite.

- Ghastly, we're leaving!

- Please,
consider my offer.

- Ghastly!

- Crud.

- I really hate that guy!

- Hector,
I found estroy's latest plans.

He's planning to build
an indestructible poke-digi-tank

That will allow the wielder
to dominate the world!

- Quickly, ghastly,

We must construct this
poke-digi-tank immediately.

I'm going to beat estroy
to the punch this time.

It will be hector con carne
who will take over the world!

Ha ha ha!

I did it!
The poke-digi-tank!

- The poke-digi-tank is
now operational!

- Excellent.

The world will
finally feel my wrath!

Hee hee hee!

Huh?

[Alarm sounding]

Ghastly,
what's happening?

- It's malfunctioning,
chief.

I can't control it!

- Please, ghastly,
do something!

- Hello, neighbors!

Thank you, hector,
for performing a test run

On my poke-digi-tank
for me.

I wasn't quite sure
if it would work or not.

Now I realize I still have
a few bugs to iron out.

Catch you later,
honeybunch.

- [Groaning]

- I really,
really hate that guy!

♪ We all live
in a beautiful world ♪

♪ The rocks, the trees,
the tiniest squirrel ♪

♪ Billions of people
with bright smiling faces ♪

♪ Boys with golf clubs,
young girls with braces ♪

♪ Puppies, kitties,
the mighty condor ♪

♪ These are a few
of the things I adore ♪

♪ I love my island,
I love my money ♪

- ♪ I love ham, I love jam,
I love biscuits with honey ♪

- ♪ Our world is filled
with incredible beauty ♪

♪ And that is
why I feel it's my duty ♪

♪ To send hordes of troops
to invade the coastline ♪

♪ To crush and destroy
until it's all mine ♪

[Boom]

- ♪ Boron is my favorite
of the periodic elements ♪

♪ I build laser-guided robots
programmed for self-defense ♪

♪ I forged a giant buckyball

♪ That's not too soft
and not too dense ♪

♪ But now I'm cooking pies
for science ♪

♪ Einstein would beam
with pride ♪

♪ If he could see
my brilliance ♪

♪ All baked up in a pie

♪ The crust is made
of micro-tiny carbon ion ♪

♪ Fiber coils

♪ The filling is composed

♪ Of several fattening
and tasty oils ♪

♪ Cooked in an oven till
the surface froths and boils ♪

♪ And still, I'm cooking pies
for science ♪

♪ A deoxyribonucleic stew

♪ Too big for an appliance,
so I hop right in the brew ♪

♪ My boots are made
for marching ♪

♪ And that's
just what they'll do ♪

♪ If only they weren't ruined
from wading in this goo ♪

- ♪ Pie, pie,
pie in the sky ♪

♪ Oh, there's pie in the sky

♪ And it makes me
wonder why ♪

♪ It's riding through the air

♪ In a ship that's driven
by a bear ♪

♪ The crust looks flaky,
the dough's not cakey ♪

♪ Covered in a rich meringue

- ♪ I'll grow fat and lazy,
my brain all soft and hazy ♪

- ♪ The pie in the sky makes me
want to love you ♪

- ♪ There is pie in the sky

♪ And the pie
I'm going to fly ♪

♪ Into your eager little faces

♪ Even you there
with the braces ♪

- ♪ This plan makes me sing,
these pies will make me king ♪

- ♪ Rah rah rah rah rah,
rah rah rah rah rah ♪

- ♪ I fear that I'm unable
to get up from the table ♪

♪ The pie in the sky makes me
want to love you ♪

- ♪ Look, there's pie
in the sky ♪

♪ And it makes me wonder why

♪ You're letting
hector con carne win ♪

♪ Wipe that pie goo
off of your chin ♪

- ♪ We can't fight
the bad guys ♪

♪ We'll devour more pies

♪ While we grow in girth

♪ Someone else can save
the earth ♪

- ♪ It's making spork
useless and full ♪

♪ Their bodies are limp
and their wits are dull ♪

♪ We fail at everything
that we try ♪

♪ Who will save us
from this dastardly pie? ♪

- ♪ Yes, more pie,
I don't care why ♪

♪ The bad guys do what they do

♪ 'Cause I'm gonna eat more pie,
there's no reason why ♪

♪ We'll just chew
and we'll chew ♪

♪ Until we're through

- ♪ I love this beautiful world
we all live in ♪

♪ There's nothing for people
to do but to give in ♪

♪ They are too full
and too lazy to fight me ♪

♪ Thanks to my tasty
and dangerous pastry ♪

♪ I've no body,
I haven't got wrists ♪

♪ But I can still rule
this world with iron fists ♪

[Laughing]

♪ Blah blah blah

♪ Blah blah blah

♪ Blah blah blah
blah blah blah ♪

♪ Blah blah blah blah
blah blah blah blah ♪

♪ Blah blah blah
blah blah blah ♪

♪ Blah blah blah
blah blah ♪

♪ Blah blah blah
blah blah blah ♪

♪ Blah blah blah blah
blah blah blah blah ♪

♪ Blah blah blah
blah blah blah ♪

♪ Blah blah blah
blah blah blah blah ♪

♪ Blah blah blah
blah blah blah blah blah ♪

Unh!
- Ugh!

- Unh!

- ♪ Nah nah nah,
I'm so full I cannot move ♪

♪ Wish I could get up
and groove ♪

♪ But I had too much pie

♪ Nah nah nah nah

- ♪ I can't fight you
any longer ♪

♪ I wish my will was stronger

♪ But I've had too much pie

♪ Nah nah nah nah

- ♪ Why do I feel this way?
What's inside that pie? ♪

♪ Nah nah nah nah

♪ Why do I feel this way?
What's inside that pie? ♪

♪ Nah nah nah nah

- ♪ Look at me,
my stomach's aching ♪

♪ From dr. Ghastly's baking

♪ Now I've had too much pie

♪ Nah nah nah nah

- ♪ Blah blah blah
blah blah blah blah ♪

- ♪ Rah rah rah rah rah rah

- ♪ But we've had too much pie

♪ Nah nah nah nah

- ♪ Woo

- ♪ What's inside that pie?

♪ Nah nah nah nah

- ♪ Yeah, major doctor,
what's inside that pie? ♪

- ♪ The secret ingredient
is love ♪

- ♪ Ooh

♪ Nah nah nah nah

- This stinks.

I'm going home!