01x01 - A Piece of the Action

[bunniefuu]

Good evening. I am organizing a key club.

It seems to be the thing to do.

For the uninitiated, a

key club is one which

members can enter

only if they possess a key.

These clubs are terribly exclusive

since membership is limited to men.

My club is completely different.

It is for women.

Inside the club is everything a

woman could want, including me.

You see, I am the club's only bunny.

But enough of my troubles.

This evening's story has

little to do with keys or clubs.

It is about gambling and is

called a piece of the action.

However, before we

proceed with that part of

our show, we bring you

this paid announcement.

What's the matter, Ed?

What's the money? Four.

Eight opens for two. Bump it two.

Ed?

Are you in, Ed?

You know, you're the kind of guy I love.

A dealer sits cozy for two

raises and then sandbags.

Call Nate? Thanks.

COD?

Yep.

One.

One.

Give me three.

Taylor takes two.

Nice trick.

You should have practiced more.

I was wondering why he won

the last four hands he dealt.

Cash me in.

You okayed this, Chisler?

Sure, the same way I

okayed you on the credit rating.

That was stupid of you, Ali, and clumsy.

Now, you're gonna deal

from the bottom of the deck.

Do it like this.

18,000.

I'll go with it, Duke.

You'll go with all of it.

What are you gonna do?

Duke, it's the first time, I swear.

I'll pay off.

Duke, tell them. You know me.

I do now.

Where do you think

you're going? To the office.

Duke, talk to them!

Why don't you let them go, Ed?

Yeah, I heard that before.

Let them go, Ed. I'm not that charitable.

I lost all the other times.

Yeah, but this time you try to win.

The hard way.

Please, Duke, please.

I'm sorry, Ali, there's

nothing I can do about it.

You dealt the hand.

Play it.

Good morning, daddy.

I've been waiting two days

to hear you say that, boss.

What day is it? Monday.

Sixty hours, never left the hotel room.

How's the track? Clear and fast.

Keep away from the rail.

Nah, you tell me.

To call the house? Yeah.

What did my wife say? That's it.

She didn't say nothing, just hung up.

Maybe you ought to stop off someplace and

buy a little something, eh, Duke? Later.

The office first.

Good morning, Miss Kelly.

Do you want coffee, a pill, or the mail?

Any important?

A letter from your

brother Chuck and wires

from two businessmen

asking for consultations.

You know what I mean.

Did you check their credit rating?

They're both A1.

Why don't those guys go to Vegas and

lose their money like the common people?

Some businessmen can't afford public vices.

It makes their stockholders nervous.

I got something here that's

going to make you nervous.

Looks like John B.

Marsden, the investment

counselor, may be needing

a marriage counselor.

Rumor has it that

Mrs. Marsden, formerly

socialite Alice Stoneham,

is packing for Reno.

When were you home last? Friday.

It is now Monday morning.

I'm surprised all she wanted

to do was see a lawyer.

I'd have been at the

missing persons bureau.

You don't quit on a winning streak.

You're always on a winning streak.

She's waited a long time, Duke.

What is it, four years?

Friday will be our fifth anniversary.

Don't worry, I'll square it.

With what? A full-length mink?

She's had full-length mink

ever since she was born.

And what do I do if some reporter

calls about that item? Deny it.

I want to make a phone

call, then bring your book in.

Kimo, this is Mr. Marsden.

Is Mrs. Marsden home?

Oh, yes, sir, Mr. Marsden.

Tell her I'd like to speak to her.

Mrs.

Marsden say not to speak to anybody today.

Well, where is she?

She's taking samba down by a pool.

Oh, Kimo, if she should ask.

Tell her I'm stopping off at the

club for a shave and a steam,

then I'm coming home. Thank you.

This is Household.

Oh.

Is she still there?

Did she go to Anchorage, Alaska?

No, she's sunbathing.

I want to send a wire of congratulations

to Chuck on his prospects.

No money order?

No.

I sent one last month when he graduated.

How much? It ought to go in the books.

Ten thousand.

Well, he's just out of law school.

If he's going to practice law, I want

him to look like a successful lawyer.

He'll need a little money.

You've been saying that

ever since I can remember.

Chuck needs a little money.

Who should I give it

to if not my kid brother?

Don't look now, but

that kid is 24 years old.

What do you want him to do? Get a

pick and shovel job? It's been done.

He graduated with honors.

He's going to be a crackerjack lawyer.

He swore he'd work harder than he did.

Now, what do you want from him, blood?

You're worried, aren't you, Duke?

About what?

Well, someday he could find out

that you're a professional gambler.

He's never heard of Duke

Marsden, and he never will.

Just send the wire.

Well, you're the boss,

but if I had a brother

Be glad you had a father.

Hiya, Dutchess.

I've asked you not to call me that.

Every Duke needs one.

I hadn't noticed lately.

Don't.

The Marsden charm doesn't work anymore.

Ah, you've been reading those

ridiculous newspaper rumors.

About our getting a divorce.

I'm perfectly serious, Duke.

Perfect, yes.

Serious? No.

Hey, will you get out of

the fish bowl and talk to me?

All right, baby, I know

you're a poker widow.

I haven't been home in three days,

but what's the hurry with the lawyer bit?

What are you, a seal?

Glad to jump in this bathtub

to make you listen? Okay.

Duke! You clown.

I know you can't swim.

I know, but you wouldn't listen.

I had a gamble that you

wouldn't let me drown.

Because that's what I would do without you.

Oh, Duke.

How long?

How long what?

Do I have to wait for you to

keep your promise and quit?

You knew what I was when you married me.

Sure.

I was still a starry-eyed debutant.

You were exciting.

But I can't live alone, Duke.

I'm afraid.

Afraid of what?

How easy it gets to mix too many

martinis when you don't come home.

I bother lonely women who know a place,

a quiet, out-of-the-way bar where

a lot of nice men stop for a drink.

Oh, Duke, don't make me

jump into a pool I can't swim in.

Just broke the bank at Monte Carlo, baby.

You mean that?

You'll quit? I just did.

Then take me away someplace.

Name it.

Hawaii.

Hawaii?

When?

How about Friday?

That's our anniversary.

Wait until Friday's the 13th.

It'll be the luckiest day of our lives.

But be here, Duke.

I'll be here.

I'll be here this time.

I'll be here, baby.

You ought to try eating a salad sometime.

Where am I, a rabbit?

What did you do with Ali's sack?

Never heard of him.

What'd you pay for the suit?

This? A couple hundred?

Why?

I paid 300 for this sack.

How come it don't like a hundred

bucks better on me than it does on you?

Well, maybe we have different tailors.

Say what you mean. It ain't a tailor.

I get the best. Shark skin, Italian silk.

It don't matter.

I still look like I come from the dock.

You know something, Marsden?

I come from the dock.

You don't like me, do you Ed?

How come I never get lucky like you, Duke?

You know something, Crutcher,

you take losing too personally.

It eats you like an ulcer.

That's not good for a gambler.

Well, what time are we

playing tomorrow? We're not.

That's what I came to talk to you about.

I'm quitting.

You just took me for 30 Gs.

Well, that's poker, Ed.

You pay to learn.

Friday's my anniversary.

My wife and I are going to Hawaii.

On my dough.

At the moment, it's mine.

Ready for dessert, Mr.

Crutcher? Yeah.

I want a chance to get even, Duke.

You'll never get even, Ed.

You're a pigeon.

Do you know how much

a plaster cast can itch?

Especially in warm climate like Hawaii.

I haven't been scared since I was in

the haunted house at Coney Island, Ed.

I was five years old at the time.

Name your game.

Any time, any place tomorrow.

In the afternoon, I'll take

every nickel you bring with you.

Remember, I'm quitting.

This is your last chance at me.

You'll sh**t craps.

The bell you drew, my house, one o'clock.

I'll see you then, pigeon.

Here we are.

Eight, looking for a ten.

See who that is, Monty.

Maybe it's your old lady.

She's at the beauty parlor.

How long can that take?

Ever see my wife?

She'd be there at midnight.

Nah, it's nader Frankie Portugal.

Hi, Frankie.

Hi.

You guys seen this?

They found Ali Saxon.

Shot.

Sell Frankie some chips, Monty.

Where'd they find him?

In front of the rescue mission.

And what was Ali doing in

front of the rescue mission?

Maybe he was waiting to be saved.

sh**t, your point's ten.

Scotch, water?

Just got in from the east.

Lot of rain back there.

No, no, not in Florida.

I was on sort of a vacation.

Must have been nice.

I got lucky.

Dames, huh? No, cards.

Well, that's life.

I never even learned to play checkers.

A fellow in Florida told me that if I

wanted to get in on some west coast action,

this was the place to look for it.

Look, Mac, all I know about

Florida is they ship grapefruits.

You're careful,

aren't you? I like that.

Oh, I do, really.

What are the chances am I

getting in on a game? Slim and none.

I've got a bundle that says

that I can beat anybody in town.

Uh-uh.

You might lose.

It'd be my hard luck.

No, it'd be mine.

Then you wouldn't like me anymore.

Hardly anybody does.

So let's quit while

we still like each other.

Okay, friend.

It's your deal.

But I'm staying at the Hotel Windsor.

Room 312.

Mrs. Meyers.

Hello, Mr. Meyers.

Come with me.

Well, then, can I have a drink first?

No, not by surprise.

Huh?

Hello, big brother.

Jack! Fat brother.

Why didn't you tell us?

Oh, I just thought I'd slip in

quietly and try to steal your wife.

Oh, fat chance, fat chance.

Let's see what they turned

out at your law school.

All right?

Yeah, that's good enough

for the Supreme Court.

Well, I'll let you and

the Chief Justice get

reacquainted while I

brief Kimo on dinner.

Oh, ask Danny to bring out a

couple of drinks, will you, please?

What would you like?

Whiskey sour, fine.

Did you, uh, fly out or

? Let's talk about

the law business.

What about that firm in Boston

you wrote about? Oh, yeah.

Leland, Ward & Merrick.

Yeah, that's the one.

Yep.

I contacted them after graduation.

They offered me a job.

That's what I was hoping for.

Listen, Jack, I'm

I'm really grateful about

the 10,000 you sent me.

Ah, forget it.

When did you start?

Uh, I haven't made up my mind yet.

Why not?

Well, see, I met Leland

through his daughter.

Jack, she's a fabulous girl.

Fabulous?

She's like Alice, you know what I mean?

Yeah, I'm trying.

Well, she's used to things like this.

Jack, a law clerk job sounds like

the beginning of a long, long road.

Yeah.

What are you trying to tell me?

That she's interested in

you only if you've got money?

I didn't say that.

It sounds like it.

Look, Chuck, you've got an

education that's worth more than money.

I thought you had to

find out exactly what this

girl was thinking before I

made any definite plans.

Look, Jack, I owe you a lot,

but I can make my own decisions.

You can what? I said I can.

..

Wait here.

What is it, Denny?

Could you come inside for a second?

How can I wait?

Something important come up. Let's go.

I'll be right out.

What is it, Denny?

You're interrupting a family reunion.

That guy you're talking

to, coming to Pete's.

Couldn't have. He's my brother.

Yeah? He said he was from

Florida looking for a game.

He's got a bundle.

You're sure? I'm sure.

Your local stations have been

clamoring for a piece of the action,

so we are rewarding them with the

following segment to identify themselves.

This should be enough

time unless some of

them have extraordinarily

long call letters.

Jack, I'm sorry I snapped at you like that.

So am I.

But I'm not a kid anymore.

I've got to live my own life.

You put it right on the line, don't you?

Yes.

Just like you did with

the money I sent you.

It's a nice tan you've got.

Did you get it in Boston or Florida?

You've been having me followed?

No.

You sent me $10,000, Jack. I didn't

know there were any strings attached.

Keep your voice down.

All right, all right.

I took the money and I went to Florida.

And I sat in on a game, a big game.

They're all big games

right from the first little one.

And I made a big score, Jack. 50 grand.

And they're all big scores

right from the first easy buck.

Don't lecture me.

I'm not lecturing.

Everybody gambles, Jack.

Your business, investments.

It's legal, it's slow, respectable,

but it's gambling and you know it.

Who's talking about my business?

Jack, Jack, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry, but we're just different,

that's all. We always were.

You're like Mom, a worrier.

I'm more like the old man.

What do you know about the old man?

You were seven years old when he died.

I know he knew how to live.

And he k*lled everything around him, including

Mom. She's the one who kept us alive.

I should have known

better than to come here.

Will you listen to me, punk?

Maybe you were too

young to know or too dumb.

The way we used to get thrown out

of one cheap dump after the other.

You sang that to me in high school.

I never went to high school.

I had a shoe shine box when I was ten.

Because the old man threw

all of his dough away gambling.

But you don't remember that.

You only remember the

few times he won the trips to

Coney Island, the cotton

candy, the Ferris wheel.

I like Coney Island, Jack. Sue me.

You've got to get out of here before I

do something we'll both be sorry for.

You know, you're just

forgetting one little thing.

The old man was a born loser, but I'm not.

Then quit while you're ahead.

All gamblers die broke.

My apologies to Alice for the dinner.

Can a lady get a drink here unescorted?

A lady can get anything she

wants here if she's unescorted.

I'm afraid.

Where's Chuck? Changing for dinner?

He had to leave.

What happened, John?

We had a little rowl, that's all.

About what? Did he find out about you?

No, he didn't find out about me.

It's an old family thing.

I'm family. Name's Marsden.

I like it that way.

What was it, darling?

About his plans, that's all. Do you

mind if we don't talk about it? All right.

Hiya, duchess.

Mr. Friday.

To Hawaii.

Am I gonna keep you busy tomorrow, mister?

You're gonna make like a husband.

Tomorrow?

We've got shopping. Last minute things.

I have to go to town for a while.

Not the office.

I have to close that, too, don't I?

Get the plane tickets,

square things with Chuck.

Oh.

What's our flight time,

Friday? One o'clock.

Then we'll have to leave

for the airport by noon.

I can hardly wait.

There you are.

Until noon Friday? I'll be here.

Oh, well.

Your secretary said 10 minutes.

It's been 20.

Yeah.

Game still on for tonight? Yeah.

Ed, I know it's July, but I'm gonna

give you a Christmas present.

Like what?

Well, there's a young kid in

from Florida looking for a game.

I want him cleaned.

What's in it? About 50,000.

How come you're so good to me, Duke?

Well, you're the heavy loser.

I thought I'd throw it your way.

Why don't you give him the bath yourself?

I'll be busy packing.

What's your piece of

the accent? Nothing.

I'll probably be gone

before the game's over.

Yeah.

Gone.

You know, well, this fish is

beginning to have a little odor, Duke.

This fish is so fresh, it's pathetic.

How do I get in touch with this guy?

Windsor Hotel, room 312,

but Pete'll steer you to him.

We're set up at the

Colonial Arms, 10 o'clock.

Keep the change out. It's on me, Ed.

Are you catching a train, darling?

Hmm?

The what?

Keep looking at it.

Oh, man's loose.

What time is it? Almost 10.

Should we have our coffee inside?

No.

Or out here at the

bottom of the pool? Fine.

Oh, honey.

I might as well be in China.

Sorry, baby.

I'm back now.

I'll get the coffee.

No, don't go.

This is a new and funny feeling.

What?

Asking me to stay.

This is the hour you were

always anxious to leave me.

Nobody's ever gonna leave anybody again.

Everybody stays just like this.

Where they belong.

Straight to the king.

That does it.

Who is it? Florida.

Come on in, kid.

My name's Ed.

Okay, here.

Grab it. That's the hot seat.

It will be.

What are they playing this year in Florida?

This isn't Florida.

We play dealer's choice.

For money, 20,000 per spy.

Whites, 100. Reds, 5.

And blues, 1,000.

Hello? Hello, Duke.

Ed Kretcher.

Wait a minute.

I told you not to call my home.

Especially not in the middle of the night.

Well, it's the middle

of the night here, too.

And you better get over here

in a hurry, and I'm not kidding.

I told you I'm quitting.

I don't care about you.

It's that fish you sent us, Dukie boy.

It's beginning to stink.

He's taken us 60 grand in four hours.

You don't know how to pluck a

chicken when it's handed to you.

No, but I know how to stuff one.

And your Christmas present may

just end up at the rescue mission.

Danny, get the car out and

meet me by the side of the house.

Right away.

Right away.

Look, I thought I came here to play cards.

Play solitaire.

I might try quitting.

That I wouldn't try.

Well, then what are we waiting for?

Let's play cards.

We're waiting for fresh blood.

Who?

The guy who steered you here.

Duke.

I told you, I don't know

anybody named Duke.

He's the one who phoned me.

Little boy Blue, he don't know anything.

I knew a girl like that once.

Innocent.

Diamonds up to here.

Fifteen minutes, pretty quick.

Head down.

Chuck.

Well, what is this?

Big brother watching over me?

I thought you didn't know him.

Like he said, I'm his brother.

Well, you forgot to mention that.

Duke.

Duke?

You?

You heard the man.

A fish from Florida, he says.

Is that what you told him? Duke.

Are you being funny?

No, I'm just waiting for the lecture.

Give me a sec.

There's no lecture on the evils of

gambling, big brother? No lecture.

Just a lesson.

My big square successful brother.

Well, you're a bigger phony

than the old man ever was.

You gonna talk or play?

With you, I wouldn't miss it.

I smell a frame.

If this was a frame, I wouldn't be here.

This is between him and me.

Yeah, on our money.

I'll get it back for you.

Couldn't take it away from me with a g*n.

Huh? I could.

You playing or not?

You gonna trust him?

I trust everybody. Especially brothers.

Ed.

Play or get out.

Well, I'll be watching you.

All you'll see is what you pay to see.

When you call.

Auntie.

Jacks are better.

Investment.

You are my investment.

You're high.

Check to the possible flush.

Five.

Five.

And? Five again.

Three shy.

Cash.

I haven't got any more on me.

Well, I owe you ten grand.

Remember?

You better save those.

Don't seem to need them anymore.

Do.

Call.

Ace wire.

Hold it.

How do you know he ain't got the flush?

Because he didn't raise.

We'll see.

Don't ever do that again, Ed.

I just wanted to make sure you

weren't folding the flush to him.

Nobody sees my cards

unless they pay for them.

No wonder you're giving lessons tonight.

How would you like a rap in the mouth?

Oh, Big Brother wouldn't let you do that.

Come on, knock it off.

We need some food

and a couple of fresh decks of cards.

He's getting soggy from handling.

No room service between midnight and seven.

Danny's waiting in my car at the

desk and send someone out to tell him.

Get the cards at the all-night

drugstore and the food at Tiny's.

I'm gonna take a shower.

Why shower? You're still taking a bath.

Now, desk,

there's a chauffeur

waiting outside in the car.

Would you ask him to

come into the phone, please?

Mr. Marston's office.

Oh, no, Mrs. Marston.

No, I just got in myself.

It's just nine o'clock.

Will you have him call me if he does?

Or Danny, if you hear from him.

Two.

and three more.

You're slowing down.

Four.

Last card.

Bet the Kings.

I check.

Check.

Five grand.

Five again.

Four.

Let's try that again.

You're five and up you.

Ten.

Why'd I call you? Three nines.

I knew you improved.

And I knew you knew.

But you just didn't know how much.

That hurt, didn't it?

Just shut up and deal.

Oh, getting emotional.

That means scared.

Do you mind if the rest

of us play? Low ball.

You know I hate.

the game.

Ed, you're not dealing.

Smiley.

I'm Pat.

You do too.

That's right.

I come out betting.

Five thousand.

Ready to that Pat hand?

I have to get rid of the amateurs.

I call.

Five.

And raise five.

Call.

You're five.

Ten better.

Good idea.

It's a ten.

I'll raise it.

Twenty.

Twenty thousand dollars to call.

Call.

I've only got eighteen.

Save it.

I'll take it from your next hand.

You're bluffing. I can raid you.

I call eighteen.

Too shy.

Ed.

I'll make you a side bet.

Just in case his

dumb luck comes back.

Okay.

I'm in.

King's fourth.

Well, let me see here.

Four little deuces.

Looks like you came

in third little brother.

Do you want another stack?

I've got plenty.

I'm broken. You know it.

You wouldn't listen.

You thought I was all

cotton candy in Coney Island.

Open the door Smiley.

Now get out.

We've got to go.

You can keep the money.

Split it any way you like.

You're a big man Duke.

Why? It was a great act.

I've been waiting a

long time for the finish.

I'm glad you enjoyed it.

I didn't. I just said it was great.

Eight of diamonds.

Jack of spades.

A marked debt.

I sent you a pigeon you couldn't take him.

I had to cure him in a hurry.

It didn't cost you anything.

Not this time.

There were a couple of other pigeons

that didn't pay off for us like this one.

Yeah.

I'm thinking about that.

Maybe it's because of your brother

you're making this generous gesture.

You sent your driver for the cards

the night we played at the Grosvenor.

Yeah.

And you win big that night Duke.

And those other nights.

All those other nights.

All those games were on the level.

Were they?

Look Ed I don't care what you think.

And I'm not Ali Saxon.

You're not leading me

out of here like a lamb.

So get out of my way.

I got a plane to catch.

Go ahead.

See what you catch.

You're in for me? Oh yes chemo.

Bring my car around to the front

and put my luggage in the trunk.

Just mine.

Mr. Marsden car. Just come up and drive.

Do as I say please.

Hello Mrs. Marsden.

Goodbye.

You said noon it's just noon.

Whatever the time is it's too late.

I'm sorry baby I couldn't help it.

We're always sorry.

You know I think that's

what I'm the most tired of.

A world full of sorry people.

I'm leaving without you Duke.

Duke.

What is it darling?

What happened? They must have.

Shut up Danny.

I had a little accident.

With a g*n.

Call a doctor quickly Danny.

Get help.

It'll be alright darling.

I know you will.

I'll lead Tim to one.

Oh Duke.

I'll be a champ.

Those are good odds.

Bet.

I figured.

just making the old folks home.

was enough of a gamble.

Duke.

Oh Lord.

Never said a word.

Just get him home by noon.

In tonight's play

everyone learned a lesson.

Ed and the boys learned that one

shouldn't go about sh**ting people.

The police took a hand

in teaching them that.

Chuck learned that you shouldn't gamble.

Duke learned you

shouldn't cheat at cards.

And Alice learned that you shouldn't

marry an investment counselor.

There is also sad news

about my new key club.

It has become even more

exclusive than we planned.

The sheriff is now

our only member.

We've been padlocked.

I shall be back next

week with another drama.

Scenes of which will

appear in just a moment.