01x12 - Hangover

[bunniefuu]

foreign

good evening and welcome to the alfred hitchcock
hour this object plays an important part

in a new television series we are in the process
of creating since the public or at least the

producers relish stories about the military we
will soon launch our own series about world w*r

ii world w*r two bc that is as wars go i can't say
this is a favorite of mine i had hoped to get one

with a catchy title like the wars of the roses
or the whiskey rebellion but of course they were

snapped up long ago this trend is not difficult to
understand if you know it is an established fact

that situations are more dramatic and jokes
are funnier if the characters involved are

dressed in uniforms this explains a large
number of shows about nurses maids butlers etc

naturally these remarks have nothing at all to
do with tonight's story they are only meant to

divert your attention so that our sponsor can
sneak up on you and here he is ready to pounce

mm-hmm hmm um

so

what happened must have blacked out

this is the worst one yet

sandy's going to raise yeah like
yesterday morning at breakfast

hurry up pat you're late already three times
this week i feel so lousy a little sympathy

huh it's your own fault you don't have to
go through it every morning i don't who will

i couldn't find my lucky necktie the one with
the the stripe start your breakfast i'll find it

best oh no head not wine not first thing in the
morning it's cooking sherry i'm cooking with it

no purpose family recipe hadley purvis is instant
morning joy i don't think you're very amusing

well i needed an eye opener there's nothing else
around the house i suppose not you managed to

drink everything up the night before use your
tie thank you my little help mate what would

i do without you i don't know but you may have
the chance to find out sandy don't be so serious

i am serious and you should be too you're ruining
your life and you're ruining your career with your

drinking in just a minute it's my idea my campaign
the agency's presenting to the client today

it's just about your last chance and you know it

had i can't take any more of it
you're drinking and carrying on

you make me sound like an alcoholic you
are don't say that don't ever say that

i'm not you won't face it but i have to

the next time the very next time you
go on a binge i'm leaving you for good

sandy oh come on don't be so mad

sandy you can't you can't

and then

sandy morning honey

you're not sandy well i should hope not i'm marion

where'd you come from nice present
huh santa didn't bring me you did

you want me to fix you some eggs honey
you better get out of here fast before

my wife finds you i'll ask you already your old
lady why worry you weren't wearing last night

um

so

easy on the rocks we're
closing up it's close to three

i won't tell anyone if you don't

i want a drink get out of here we
don't want any trouble you're a fink

i don't think oh thanks oh
thanks i'll buy all things drinks

yeah i'll take care of the drunk it's all
yours girl thanks how about all things strings

hey hey set him up i'll buy all things
strings hello honey hey you want a drink

i'll get you one by the bottom later
you must have full around this joint

it's just my good luck where are we going let's
sit down we have to be careful about the drinks

it's dark in here just be careful
don't worry i'll take care of you

now you sound like something i don't
want to sound like no one except myself

what's your name honey head

head that's a real mad name what is it that
one had two had how many heads had enough

i didn't mean to make you sore honey you
haven't even told me that you like me yet

haven't i it's my error my oversight my loss

i think you're lovely you're gorgeous
you're adorable you're desirable

you're the eternal woman you're
all women rolled up into one

yeah i don't even know your name marian oh that's
a beautiful name marion shades made marion herself

let's run away someplace we'll start life
in you in a forest hell or a desert island

you know it's really no fun
at all being alone is it

no but we'll go away have plenty of money
no worries what do you think of that sandra

i think you're stoned

so you gotta tell me the truth

tell me what happened you don't remember

when we got back here did you have a fight with
sandra no honey i sure didn't she wasn't even here

you know what i don't miss her a bite

i have to get to the office
i'm late now okay honey

no it's not okay when i get back i want to
find you gone now there's no way to talk honey

marianne this sweet child be reasonable sandra
finds you here she could sue me for broke

no dough no fun you wouldn't like
that would you no but i like you

i better go home

i'll see you at the club

so

i'm afraid mr purvis you can't go in there what
do you mean albert i can't go into my own office

i'm sorry mr purvis those are mr
driscoll's orders he told me himself

my dad would get me mr disciple on the phone
and he said he didn't want to talk to you

see about that had but i'd save yourself further
embarrassment he wouldn't believe me mr hunter

well well my old colleague

what are you doing in my office bill if
you don't remember you'd better come in

well bill i always knew you wanted my job i
didn't think you'd get it overnight i didn't get

your job had you kicked yourself out of it i'm
fired that's it and you can't blame dave disco

that the colton bunch didn't like the
campaign well don't interrupt me bill

whole kit and caboodle newspapers
magazines radio television it's all my idea

i worked on it for a full eight months you mean
to tell me that you don't remember that you were

staggering drunk at the presentation what are
you putting on an act no bill i don't remember

i don't remember well if you say so it doesn't
make any difference not anymore you've really

ripped it you ripped it for good it started
in a bar in the convention room at the hotel

i'll have a very dry martini please
sorry sir but the bar was closed and

meeting started that's odd i'm the meeting and
i just got here well maybe they don't know that

and uh gentlemen the chart indicates the
best available estimate in the various

media as you can see for yourselves now
in magazines we have 14 million 270 616.

newspapers 174 million 922 thousand seven hundred
and seven radio spots sixty eight thousand

that's 68 million nine hundred and
nineteen thousand four hundred and forty

five you ever seen me make a
ten dollar bill up here nope

turn around

all right

well thank you sir i need a
glass you have one on your hand

yes sir

i may not be houdini but i'm working at it
outdoor billboards and so on uh seven million

two hundred and forty three thousand five
hundred and fifty five television 337 million

seven hundred and eighty thousand three hundred
and twenty two making a grand total of uh

six hundred and three million a hundred and
thirty six thousand six hundred and forty one

and uh uh with this combined impact in all
the media confined to the post announcement

period of six weeks then the cost per
viewer or a listener is reduced to uh

to a very respectable minimum

are there any questions

well good i i thought there wouldn't be
i think the little pamphlet we passed out

is a very explicit we've tried to indicate exactly
what we have in mind for the entire campaign and

uh of course we intend to give everyone a
certain amount of leeway in his own area

well let's let's all turn to page 19.
shall we out of the little booklet

that you have in your hands there now
on page 19 which is in reference to

billboards outdoor spots uh we are carrying
on a i think a rather subtle campaign there

we are carrying on a campaign to do away
with billboard sponsored by the cosmic god

where the double view good evening
william driscoll's been looking all

over for you he's beginning to get pretty sore

that may have been going on in there for about two
hours i heard cushman putting everybody to sleep

you know next year we've got to get an alarm clock
account to keep our other clients awake there may

not be a next year oh don't be so grim what you
need is a drink old man fix this fella not now

all right you can't pretend not to know how
important this is i know then act like it

all right had you're here the whole ball of wax
is yours we've been stalling till you got here

on with the dance now everything's
riding on this if you have any doubts

they'll already take me to your leader
okay i'll tell driscoll you're ready

are you all right come fine
and lay off the inquisition

we've tried to make it so that everyone concerned

[ __ ] certain amount of initiative in the
campaign in his own area however there are certain

guidelines that we tried to put down so that
there'll be more or less a unanimity of approach

throughout the entire country on our latest
campaign do you have a picture oh yes

yeah ordinary water glass

so thank you i must recommend you
to all the youth hostels thank you

well gentlemen we've heard from
marketing and merchandising

and now we come to the high point of our
campaign the sales messages themselves

which will blast out additional sales from a
highly competitive market for colton cars and

now the man who is responsible for this campaign
our creative director mr hadley purvis man

anything happened on the way the office
drained not enough to stop the drought though

supposed to have a flip-flop here
where's the flip-flop it's backstage had

are you sure yes i saw it well if you
saw it that's good enough for me oh

if you're in a grand piano try
taking that home the subway sometime

rush hour now this agency client
presentation is important because

it will determine later be shown in the dealer
meetings throughout the country the dealership

as i was saying

as i was saying we considered and discarded


before finally determining upon the colton
cosmic opening the space age to the highways

colton cosmic

out of this world with a cosmic quest and uh mr
blake would like to ask you a question certainly

i'm a little confused mr purvis you said the
new theme was going to be the colton cosmic

opening the space age to the highways but now
you indicate out of this world with the cosmic

i don't understand yes i did say that mr blake
and there's a good reason very good reason um

no you asked me

why we have two different themes
we don't have two different

we don't have two different themes but the
same theme put differently is that clear no

i'm sorry but it isn't

well let me see if i can put it a different way
then we have old gosmick opening the space age

to the highways then we have the other
one out of this world with a cosmic now

here we have again as you can see opening the
space age etc etc uh mr blake i had a saying

that the theme opening the space age to the
highways is for uh magazines and newspapers

the other is for radio and tv that's one way of
putting it as a matter of fact it's correct if

that answers your question mr blake well not quite
mr purvis why use another slogan for radio and tv

right now

you asked me a very good question

uh blake the theme out of this world with
a cosmic is better adapted to music exactly

i'll thank you mr hunter to
let me handle the explanations

miss blake who would ever try to sing
with music out of this world um no

uh colton cosmic opening the space age
to the highways voice isn't very good

now we try out of this world with a cosmic

you know

well gentlemen we may as well continue this

meeting after dinner it's late
and i'm sure we're all hungry

anything you say david i could also use
some fresh air and a drink see you later bob

go home purvis you're through and
don't bother to clean out your desk

we'll send your things in your check

i didn't think you had enough
nerve to fire me potsie

i'm not worried but a lot of other people whose
job you've put in jeopardy are you're a clever

man purpose a real personality kid but this town
is full of clever men who can hold their liquor

goodbye

this world

completing the first half of our play has so
exhausted our actors that they need a rest however

in television it is a cardinal sin to allow the
viewer a single moment when his ears and eyes are

not assaulted by sound and fury therefore we shall
now ask your local stations to take up the battle

and now ladies and gentlemen a commercial

after which we shall show a few
scenes from this week's show

oh yes now i remember there is
nothing more to say is there

wrong i need a drink

mr purvis albert what do i owe the intrusion
well i i didn't get a chance to talk to you

before you left the office and i wanted to tell
you how sorry i was about how all this worked out

thank you very much alvin very very kind well
mr driscoll came in so angry this morning i

see i didn't want to tell you you couldn't
go i understand that but that's very nice

of you to tell me thank you very much you
know we're going to miss you around there

you've helped me an awful lot
you've been very nice to me and

and you know i've i've learned something
from you i've taught you abstiniousness

beware of demon rum albert

you know but mr driscoll doesn't
believe in in paying us very much

i don't know how to say this i don't want
to trouble you with this at this time but

well do you remember the errand you sent me on
yes you know that that day that you had a cold

oh you remember you you came to me and you you
told me you had a cold and you sent me out to to

the liquor store yes well well i had to pay for
that out of my own pocket how much do i owe you

albert oh well i have a receipt right here i don't
want the receipt just tell me how much i owe you


thank you mr ferguson you're a nice guy

i'm sorry i bothered you at a
time like this thank you albert

well mr purvis i don't want the receipt albert
oh this isn't mine it fell out of your wallet

the sweater rama what did i buy for ten
dollars what is it can't make it out

i must have bought it sometime
last night but what was it

thank you very much albert well
thank you mr purvis and good luck

hello good evening this is sweaterama isn't it

i must have gotten this here

what do you want to do exchange it i'm not
surprised i thought you would say you do look

have i seen you before you certainly have
last night that's right you waited on me

good evening sir may i help you

may i ask you a question certainly sir you
think i'm drunk why no sir not necessarily

oh i drink it too before dinner perhaps um is
is that all you want you can't go shopping right

john can't buy anything i'm sober i'm perfectly
sober i'm gonna buy something proof i'm not drunk

right well i suppose it is sandra can't
say i was drunk proved it driscoll and

blake i'm not drunk i'm sure i don't know
what you're talking about a nice present

here we have a string of genuine cultured pearls

exquisite solid gold clasp only fifty dollars
no that's too much everybody say i was drunk

what's that over there that's a silk
scarf it's only ten dollars oh yes

well that's very pretty i'll take it

would you like me to gift rabbit no thanks
i don't have time i'll put in the bag

thank you

thank you very much good night would you
like to exchange the scarf for something else

would you like to exchange
the scarf for something else

no i'll keep it

i uh did i say where i was going last night
no i didn't use your telephone you didn't oh

thank you very much

sandy

sandy

sandy oh i thought i heard you honey

didn't i tell you to get out

i guess so

hmm

may i speak mr hunter please well bill had purpose
i'm awfully sorry to bother you at home like

no i just want to ask you one question did either
you or driscoll call sandra last night you ever

give her the bad news no i didn't think you had
well i haven't seen her since yesterday morning

pretty pajamas sander left behind well thank
you very much runs out of money she'll come home

but you won't be here will you honey
you'll be with marion won't you

i told you this morning to get out now pack and
get going call your cab not so fast what do you

think you are ordering me around don't get lost
and after all the lousy time i've wasted on you

you make me sick let me tell you you creep
you drunk when you loaded your revolt


blame your old bag of a wife on you

your cab is here

i said your taxi's out front

i heard you

mary and i'm hopefully sorry i lost my temper i
should say you did never did anything like that

before nerves i guess and losing my job all i
can say is you sure have an awful mean way of

taking things out on people well i'm trying
to make it up to you no i want you to keep it

what you want is for me not to go to the cops

cause any trouble afraid your
wife will find out about it

all right i know when to keep my mouth

shut

um

so

so

birthday party an extra bottle
left over i hid it from sandra

put it away emergency where

the scarf i brought it home

chandra sandy on your head
and how'd things go with the

i don't need to ask that do i i came home
early it's only one o'clock i told you had

what i was going to do if you got drunk again
i'll pack my things and leave in the morning

if you can sandy you can why can't i give me one
good reason why i have to you're my good luck

i wasn't drunk sandy can you
understand that i can prove it

i'll show you did you lose your job is that it

driscoll's an oaf blake's worse afraid of facts
can't face the truth i asked did you lose your

job i'll find a better one you stick with me sandy
you won't be sorry it's the beginning of the end

and you don't know it from now on there'll be
a lot of jobs each one less and less until one

day there won't be any job at all no don't say
that it's not true listen wait sandy it wasn't

my fault i wasn't drunk i just had two drinks i
can prove it it doesn't matter we're through sandy

look i went shopping i bought it just for you i
couldn't have gone shopping if i was drunk could

i it's real genuine silk try it put it on i don't
want it you've got to want it it's yours it proves

that fiscal was wrong and blake was wrong and all
of them were wrong and it proves that you're wrong

about my drinking and it proves that i wanted
to prove that i love you can't you understand

that can't you realize you've got to put it on
take it off i can test it just wear this pencil

you're beautiful sandy and the scarf is beautiful

it's just for you

this concludes tonight's story of course there was
a legalistic footnote but the jury was charitable

i customarily close on a light note but i feel
that tonight's subject is an unsuitable one for

humor alcoholism is being recognized as one of
the most serious diseases of our society and

i hope this program has helped dramatize some of
the frightening aspects of the problem good night

to

you