- Good evening.
Welcome, and a special greeting
to all you television
engineers who can't read.
Thank you.
Now, I look a trifle foolish.
I should like to make one
thing clear at the outset.
This does not refer to me
personally.
Transmission has been
faulty in some areas,
and viewers have been
complaining
about the condition
our picture has been in
when delivered.
We also have difficulty
with friends of mine
of a suspicious nature.
Anything I send them is
immediately submerged
in a bucket of water.
It becomes rather messy.
This evening, we are sending
you a surprise package.
It is entitled "A Matter of
m*rder",
and is about a gentleman
named Sheridan Westcott,
who is surprised by the
theft of a possession
he holds dear.
It is also about some thieves
who are in for a surprise of
their own.
But first, there is some postage
due.
A kind friend has volunteered
to accept this obligation.
He asks only one small favor in
return,
that he be allowed to insert
this small, personal message.
[suspenseful music]
- Hey, stop!
Hey!
Hey!
Stop!
Wait!
Stop...
[mysterious music]
- All right, let's go, let's go,
let's go, let's go!
Start painting up the serial
number.
Vinny, see if you can find
those Illinois plates.
[humming]
[car door slams]
Well then?
- Huh?
- You watching the big parade go
by?
Floats?
Miss Universe in a bikini, hm?
- I was just looking at
the Rolls, Uncle Harry.
She's a beaut.
- Yeah, that's right, she's a
beaut.
Well, this beaut's gotta be
over the border today!
So get into those coveralls
and get that scraper going!
My sister's kid, I gotta
bring into the business.
"Harry, you gotta do
something for Weldon".
She says.
"He'll become a juvenile
delinquent!"
Like that Maserati we took last
month.
Oh!
Every hubcap missing.
[mysterious music]
- [Kid] What's the matter,
Harry?
[mysterious music]
- Hey!
Quick, for heaven's
sake, where's your phone?
- What, what?
- My wife's been kidnapped!
My wife, my wife!
Where's your phone, they stole
my car
and kidnapped my wife!
- Yeah, yeah.
Inside.
- For the last time, Weldon,
shut up.
- What did I say?
All I said was "Gee, a Rolls,
"maybe we ought to keep it".
- Weldon, that's not laundry in
there,
that's a stiff, Weldon!
- I know that, Uncle Harry.
- A stiff, strangled!
We get caught with this wagon
then what do I tell the cops,
huh?
Excuse me, Officer, do you know
where
the lost and found department
is?
- [Kid] Well, what do we do?
- You, start wiping off the
fingerprints,
we're taking this heat back.
- Back?
- Back!
It's his car, and his body,
and he's getting them both back.
- Now miss, your aunt's been
kidnapped,
but let's not go off the deep
end.
- Isn't there some way to reach
them?
- Reach them, Miss Bentley?
- Contacts with the underworld,
you have things like that,
don't you, Lieutenant?
- We have them.
- Look, I'll pay anything.
Anything they ask, Lieutenant.
I want my wife back.
- Now, Mr. Westcott, you're
not gonna help your wife
if we go charging off
in the wrong direction!
- The Lieutenant's right,
Sheridan.
- Now, Mr. Westcott, let's check
it out.
You were out on the end of this
pier.
- Yes, yes, yes.
- Your wife was in the car.
- Yes, that's right.
We often go out in the
country this time of year.
- Fine, fine, your wife's in the
car.
And your back was turned to her.
And you spin around when
you hear the breaks.
- Yeah, Phoebe screamed.
- You heard her scream?
- I can still hear it.
- How many men were there?
- I don't know, four, five.
Definitely a g*ng.
- Young, middle aged, old, what?
- I don't remember.
No, no, wait.
Wait, one was an older man.
- One?
- Yes, yes.
Heavy set, very bald, dark
glasses.
I only caught a glimpse,
but I'm sure of that.
- What about their clothes?
Are there jackets, caps?
- No, no, suits.
- Bald, heavy set, dark glasses,
suits.
- Do you know the g*ng,
Lieutenant?
- They pull alongside your
car...
Harv, doesn't that sound like--
- It sure does, Lieutenant.
- But it can't be.
- That's right, it can't be.
- What are you two talking about
there?
Do you know who's got my wife?
- No, Mr. Westcott.
No, it can't be.
- That's right.
It sounds like Philadelphia
Harry,
but it can't be.
- Who?
- Philadelphia Harry, a car
thief.
- One of the best, Miss Bentley.
- Tops.
- Well, if it sounds like him,
and it looks like him,
why couldn't it be him?
- Harry kidnapped somebody?
Impossible.
- Even if it sounds
impossible, Lieutenant,
shouldn't you do something about
it
before it's too late?
- Yes, arrest him!
Unless you want to be
responsible
for my wife's m*rder.
- Harry, m*rder?
[laughing]
Harv, when we get back,
maybe you better run a
teletype through on Harry.
We'll find out if he's in the
area.
- It seems to me, Lieutenant,
you already know he's in the
area.
- Oh, police work is a lot
different
than you think, Miss.
Even when we know
something, we check it out.
We'll run that teletype and see.
Philadelphia Harry?
- [Man] The protest was strongly
worded,
but as for this moment,
there is no reaction from the
Governor.
A statement is expected
not later than Monday.
Turning to the local news front,
Mrs. Phoebe Westcott,
the former Phoebe Triss
of the Triss Ship Building
Company,
was kidnapped this morning at
Gilly's Lake
just beyond Lookout Point.
A notorious auto thief
known as Philadelphia Harry
and his g*ng are suspected.
And according to the police,
an arrest can be expected
momentarily.
- Hey, what's the matter, Harry?
[suspenseful music]
- Did you hear the broadcast?
Me?
A kidnapper?
- Every cop in the department
knows better than that, Harry.
- You never hurt a fly, Harry.
- 20 years in the business.
You build up a decent
reputation, pow,
in a minute, nothing.
- Why don't we just take it
someplace
and just leave it, Uncle Harry?
- You asking me, Weldon, or
telling me?
- Asking.
- Because, Weldon.
In the first place we
park this car somewhere,
and right away the cops know
it's us!
You heard the radio, huh?
Philadelphia Harry, notorious
auto thief.
Leave the car alone!
I'll figure out a place to stash
it later.
[ice cubes clanging]
- To the perfect crime.
And perfectly mixed.
Oh, do you have reservations,
hm?
- Mm, the Lieutenant.
- Suspicious?
No.
- Oh, maybe.
You know how they train police
dogs to smell, that's all.
- Why, we're covered.
Well, here's to Harry.
He snatched one car too many.
- Lucky for us.
[laughing]
- You know, we oughta drink a
toast
to dear old Phoebe.
See, have you noticed, darling,
how much nicer this house is
without my late wife cluttering
it up?
- Well, let's not be too happy
about it.
[chuckling]
- Five years, five years without
what?
Her stingy, tight-fisted
drag of a battle ax.
[laughing]
You know, wherever old Phoebe
is,
and I do hope it's distant,
she's going to be awfully
shocked
to discover she didn't take it
with her.
[tires screeching]
- The police, don't.
You better get this stuff
out of here just in case.
- Yeah.
[car doors slamming]
- Harv, you wait here.
These people are very
hysterical,
or they're pretending
to be very hysterical.
I want to nose around in there
by myself.
[knocking]
- I'll get it.
Well?
- I've got some good news for
you.
We checked Harry out, he's in
the neighborhood, all right.
One of our contacts spoke
to him two days ago.
- You mean that's the good news?
- Well, don't you get it, Miss
Bentley?
It means your Aunt's
safe, Harry's got her.
She couldn't be in better hands.
I mean, if you're gonna be
kidnapped.
- You rushed here to
tell us that, Lieutenant?
- Well, I thought--
- This morning, you
thought your friend Harry
wasn't involved.
- Well, I checked.
- Yes.
The teletype.
- Clickity click.
- Sir?
- Clickity click.
- Now, Mr. Westcott.
I've been on the force a
long time, I know Harry.
He's as honest as they come.
I mean, except for heisting
cars.
- Isn't that nice, Sheridan?
The Lieutenant ran through
a couple of red lights
to tell us that Harry is an
honest man!
- Miss Bentley what I'm
trying to tell you is,
is that your Aunt is safe.
- Thank you, Lieutenant.
And now that we know that my
wife
is in such reputable hands,
what would you suggest we do?
- Well, just sit tight.
There will probably be a ransom
note
in a day or two.
- A ransom note?
- Sure, that's the reason people
go in
for kidnapping, you know.
Money.
- Oh, yes, yes, of course.
- Well, when the note comes, Mr.
Westcott,
you call me, huh?
- Yeah, yeah.
- Philadelphia Harry.
Why don't I believe it?
[mysterious music]
[whimsical music]
- No blackmail or ransom,
we ain't shaking down nobody.
- Well, but Uncle Harry, we
got this guy over a barrel.
- Maybe the kid's right, Harry.
A couple of G's, huh?
- Yeah, to pay our expenses.
- Not a dime!
Now, let me tell you something,
Weldon.
You know what a chump is?
A chump is a guy who doesn't
stick to his own racket.
- If the cops pick us up, Harry,
all we gotta do is tell them the
truth.
- Yeah, what truth?
- This Westcott, he
knocked off the old lady.
- So, who are the cops
gonna believe, us or him?
Him, that's who!
- [Kid] Yeah, but Uncle Harry--
- Shut up!
And you know what else
we got on the agenda?
A m*rder rap.
And we don't even live in a
state
where it's abolished the death
penalty.
- Well, they wouldn't
do that to us, Harry.
[laughing]
- Okay, so what do we do?
- Number one.
We gotta get rid of this,
but we gotta be very
particular where we dump it.
- Okay, where?
- So, where's the safest spot in
town?
- Right back in his own garage.
- His garage?
- Well, how does that get us off
the hook?
- By putting him on.
He said the car got
snatched by the lake, right?
So what happens when the
cops go in the garage
and there's the car,
and there's the stiff in the
car?
They got him cold, right?
- Yeah, but Uncle Harry,
who's gonna tell the cops
to look in the garage?
- A dirty little bird's
gonna tell him, Weldon.
Give me that stool pigeon,
what's his code name?
General Delivery.
I want him here the first
thing in the morning.
Tonight, we're dumping this
heap into Westcott's garage.
- Darling.
- Mm.
- Do you think he'll send a
note?
- Who?
- Harry.
- Well, if he does, it'll only
tighten the rope around his
neck.
- Hm.
Well then, it's just
possible that he might not.
- You know, I never thought of
that.
- You know what, darling?
- I think we're going to
have to send a note for him.
[mysterious music]
[laughing]
[lighthearted music]
- Leave it alone.
[dramatic music]
[lighthearted music]
- $200,000.
I wish you'd shown me the note.
- What for?
The police were just here and
got it.
- Would you hurry this up?
I have a doctor's appointment at
- $200,000.
What else did it say?
- It said that she's alive and
well,
and the next note will
give us instructions
on how to pay it.
- Alive and well?
That's what they always say!
- What do you mean?
- Well, they're not gonna say
she's dead as a mackerel, are
they?
Who'd pay $200,000 for a corpse?
- Mr. Flagstone, as my Aunt's
lawyer,
will you or will you
not release the money?
- At least they didn't say she
was happy.
She wouldn't be happy anywhere.
- Hey, Mr. Flagstone.
Will you release the money?
- I'll release it.
- Good.
I have to go now.
- What's she seeing a doctor
for?
- Nerves, Mr. Flagstone.
She's taking this very hard.
[whimsical music]
[door slams]
- Water.
- What's the matter?
- I'm gonna be sick.
- Sick?
Do you want me to call a doctor?
- No, no.
- [Sheridan] You want to go
upstairs?
- No, I don't want to go
upstairs.
I'm gonna be sick right here.
- Flagstone, perhaps you better
go.
She's feeling bad.
- Feeling bad?
Never met a woman yet who ever
felt good.
- [Enid] Sheridan?
- Yes, Enid?
- Is he gone?
- On his way.
- Well now, we had a meeting
last night
about Mrs. Westcott's estate.
Flagstone Sr. was there, I was
there,
Flagstone III was there,
three good lawyers.
- Yeah, but what we need
right now, Mr. Flagstone,
is one good doctor.
- [Enid] Sheridan?
- Yes, dear?
- [Enid] Is he gone yet?
- He's gone.
- They brought it back.
The car, it's in the garage.
- The what in the where?
- The car, the car!
They brought it back, it's in
the garage.
No, not that way, this way!
The kitchen.
[car trunk slams]
- We gotta get it out of
here, we gotta lose it.
- Look.
It's a note.
- A note?
- "Stealing is one thing, m*rder
ain't.
"I hope you get the chair".
Harry.
- What does this mean?
- The Lieutenant's right.
A man of high moral standards.
Well, Aunt Phoebe's safe with
him.
- Safe?
She's in the trunk!
- Don't you see?
Harry isn't the sort of
man to kidnap anybody,
it's against his principles.
Yet obviously he did it.
But don't you see what happened
there?
- He got scared!
- That's it.
He got scared!
So he abandons the car which is
hot,
and Aunt Phoebe, who's
cold, on some mountain road.
- And then we deliver the ransom
money.
- Yeah, only he's not there to
receive it.
Why not?
Because he got scared!
All he cares about now
is saving his own neck.
- Which isn't a trap.p
- Yes, a lovely trap.
- Well now, we have to
set this up in stages.
First, the second ransom
note has to be mailed.
- Yeah.
And then the police find the car
with the body in a trunk
on a road somewhere.
- Exactly, darling.
On a road somewhere.
- Yeah.
- Get it down!
What took you so long?
- He was on the phone.
- I'm always on a phone.
- Ah, leave it on.
- Leave it on, leave it on.
I don't want to know who you
are,
I don't gotta know.
- Okay, look, I want you to
call the Chief of police.
- The Chief?
With good merchandise?
- Yeah, good merchandise.
- Okay, $50.
You got a phone?
- Yeah.
- Show me the money.
- 20, okay.
- The eye, the eye--
- Yeah, get your lip out of the
way.
- 10, okay.
What do I say?
- Say, "If he wants to break
the Westcott kidnapping
"to look into the Westcott
garage.
"The kidnapped car is there,
"and it's never been any place
else".
- True merchandise?
- True merchandise.
- Well, the Chief has
got to be A, number one,
U.S. Government
guaranteed, you understand?
I respect him, he
respects me, always been.
- That's why you're here,
I want quick action.
This has got to go through.
- Take me to your phone.
- How's he gonna dial with the
napkin on?
- The Chief.
I can dial him with my nose.
Hello?
Give me the Chief.
The Chief!
Nevermind who I am, just say
General Delivery's calling.
[phone buzzes]
- Yes?
Oh sure, I'll talk to him.
On line two?
It's General Delivery.
Yes, General.
- Chief, I got big merchandise
for you,
the Westcott kidnap.
Double money, main post
office, cab General Delivery.
Sold.
Go to the Westcott garage.
The kidnapped car, it's there.
It was never anywhere else.
- Tell them to look in the
trunk.
- And look in the trunk.
That's it.
[machine whirs]
- Perfect.
- Poor Phoebe.
- Why?
- A silver hearse.
- Well, it's more cheerful.
Now, the idea is they
were repainting the car.
- Panicked, m*rder*d Phoebe so
there wouldn't be a witness.
- And we make sure the car is
found.
- Yeah, by tipping the police
that it's at Lookout Point.
- Take a back road.
- Well, shouldn't we wait 'til
nightfall?
- We'll have to risk it,
the car has been here too long
already.
All right, clean up the garage,
we gotta get out of here!
- Well, all right.
[dramatic music]
- I left him off at the drug
store.
- $50 for a phone call.
- Okay, that's that, it's over.
- I'd sure like to see his face
when the cops get there.
[laughing]
- Okay.
We had our little laugh,
let's figure it never happened.
We got things to do,
we ain't made a nickel
since we got here.
- Do you mean we ain't
taking a break or nothing?
- We're going right back to
work.
The overhead in this chart's
k*lling me.
[whimsical music]
[mysterious music]
- Maybe it was a bum steer.
- General Delivery
doesn't give bum steers,
not to the Chief.
"And look in the trunk".
- From now on, we're putting
a tail on Mr. Westcott.
Let's go.
[dramatic music]
[lighthearted music]
[car honks]
- Look what we got, Uncle Harry.
- Hey!
That's a nice piece of
merchandise.
[laughing]
[knocking]
Genuine steel, they don't
make them like that no more.
- Eh, you lose one, you win one.
- You did very nice, Weldon,
very nice.
- Hey, there's a bar in the
back.
You want to see it, Uncle Harry?
- Not now, Weldon.
Hey, get the hood up.
- I guess I ain't a total
loss, hey, Uncle Harry?
- No, Weldon.
Totally worth.
[laughing]
[melancholic music]
- I'm adding your code
number to the address
so that our program can be
zipped to you
as quickly as possible.
There's only one difficulty.
The numbers are so long
that by the time I finished
addressing the envelopes,
the show is over.
Just now, that eager courier
who has delivered the first
half,
wishes to identify himself.
[lighthearted music]
- They're finishing up with
the serial numbers now.
That ransom note frightened Miss
Bentley
pretty badly, Lieutenant.
"No police, or you get
your wife back in a box".
- We'll stay out.
- Let's pay the money first.
I want my wife back safe.
- In that case, it was the
husband who disappeared.
They paid the money and never
saw hiding
or hear of them again.
Disappeared like a rat down a
drainpipe.
Well, here.
$200,000.
Million dollars before taxes.
If it isn't the government,
it's kidnappers.
Come along, boy.
There's one consolation.
It isn't the money it was.
When I was a kid, I
could hire a man like you
for a dollar a day.
[door slams]
- Okay, it's time.
- Yes.
- Sheridan.
- Yes, dear?
- Could I talk to you for
a minute before you go?
- We'll wait for you outside.
- Now remember.
You'll be watching for faces,
for people.
For somebody to approach you.
You can't be casual about this,
they'll be checking every move.
- Well, they're only going as
far
as the highway with me.
- Don't be silly, they'll be
watching you.
Act, Sheridan.
Now, according to the ransom
note,
you'll be waiting for
a man to approach you.
He's going to ask you to name
the capital of Guatemala.
- Yes, all right.
Now, I start walking around the
square
of the small town named Flamingo
Corners.
Now, there aren't many
pedestrians,
so I look at every passerby.
I stop, and I wait.
Suddenly, I see a man coming
toward me,
I think it's the collector.
I go up to him, but he goes
right by, it's not him.
I'm disappointed, so I keep on
walking
around and around the square.
It's getting late, I'm
worried, time is going,
it means my wife's life.
- That's right.
And just remember, the
Lieutenant has instincts.
He uses them instead of brains.
The more the evidence
points the other way,
the more suspicious he
naturally becomes of us.
- Yes, yes, of course.
Well...
Goodbye, darling.
- Goodbye, dear.
Good luck.
- Yes.
[door slams]
What is the capital of
Guatemala?
- It doesn't matter!
Nobody's going to ask you.
- Oh.
- Act, Sheridan.
Win an award.
[dramatic music]
[relaxing music]
- There's no way out of
Flamingo Corners but car or bus.
Unless those kidnappers
have got a new wrinkle.
[car engine revs]
[lighthearted music]
- You're no good!
N-o-g-g-g-g-g!
No good!
$10 please, the Chief don't pay.
- What'd you bring him here for?
- He said he had something.
- In my hand, the money.
- Laid out by a $10 stool
pigeon,
look what I sunk to.
All on account of this thing!
With a new paint job that's
bugging me,
and bugging me, and bugging me.
- $10, $10.
$10.
- All right, $10.
- Okay, we're friends.
In my hand.
- Stand still, will ya?
- I'm still.
[dramatic music]
- Carry your bag, mister?
- No thanks, sonny, I can handle
it.
[dramatic music]
[buzzer rings]
- Yes?
Put him on.
Hello.
I see.
Nothing, huh?
Just round and round the square.
All right.
Keep calling me on the hour.
[bell ringing]
[dramatic music]
[lighthearted music]
[suspenseful music]
- All right, wake up.
- What?
- Wake up!
- What is it?
- What?
What?
- Get up.
It's been bugging me ever since
you brought the heap in here.
You know what the paint's on
there for?
- What, Harry?
- I had a nightmare.
It had come to me.
The paint is on the heap, you
know why?
Because when this car's
picked up on the road,
it should like it's us
that done the painting.
- Huh?
- Us!
The finger points to us.
Gentlemen, we're dealing with a
fiend
who ain't got no morals.
We gotta get rid of this faster
than we did last time.
We can't wait.
And when we can't wait, who do
we go to?
- Lopez.
- No, not Lopez, Harry.
- That South American
anteater will rob us blind.
- This ain't business
no more, this is w*r.
Lopez will have it out of
the country in 24 hours.
I think I'll go call him.
- Well, maybe we can leave
the body in the trunk.
Maybe Lopez won't notice it.
- "Maybe Lopez won't notice it".
He says.
Lopez will go through
it with a microscope,
he'll vacuum it.
Who knows?
He might find a nickel under the
seat.
[dramatic music]
- You trailed me, don't try to
deny it.
They'd approach me otherwise.
- No, no, Mr. Westcott!
- I walked all night!
If anything happens to my wife,
I'm gonna hold you personally
responsible.
- Nobody trailed anybody!
Now you're getting yourself all
excited.
Something went wrong, that's
all.
Now just sit tight and wait,
they'll send another note.
- What if they don't?
- Yes, that's right!
What if they don't?
- What if they don't?
They have to.
They want the money, don't they?
- Suppose they don't want the
money.
Did that ever occur to you?
Suppose they're too frightened
to try to get the money now.
- Frightened?
- Harry's an amateur kidnapper,
you said that yourself.
- A car thief with ethics,
isn't that what you said?
- Well, yes, sort of.
Yes, I did.
- Yeah.
- Well then, why couldn't
they become frightened?
Why couldn't they decide
to forget everything
and save their own skins?
Why shouldn't they pull out?
Why wouldn't they think it's all
become
too dangerous all together?
m*rder my aunt to get rid of a
witness,
dispose of her body, and do
everything to clear themselves.
Forget about the ransom,
forget about everything!
- You trailed me, Lieutenant.
You frightened them off!
- Now, now, it's not so!
- [Enid] Sheridan.
- Yes, Enid?
- They k*lled her.
The police k*lled her!
- Now, Enid, control yourself.
- With their test tubes
and their teletypes,
that's what k*lled Aunt Phoebe.
- Now, now, now, you're not
helping, Enid.
- He's right, Miss Bentley.
You're getting all excited.
Now, they'll send another note.
- No, Lieutenant.
There won't be another note.
- Now, Miss Bentley--
- There will be no more ransom
notes.
[lighthearted music]
- Hello, police?
I think I may have something
on the Westcott kidnapping case.
There's a car at Lookout Point,
it's been there for two days.
It answers the description
of the kidnapped car.
[lighthearted music]
[car engine revs]
[lighthearted music]
- Okay, sh**t.
- Number one, there was
no car at Lookout Point.
Number two, the call came in at
At 1:05, Westcott left his
house,
went to a phone booth, and made
a call.
The time?
- Go on.
- Why didn't he use his own
phone?
Because he was afraid
the call could be traced.
Now this is the second wild
goose chase
we've had about this car.
Westcott both times, for
exactly the same reason.
For a period of time,
maybe an hour, maybe less,
he would be certain that I
wouldn't be anywhere near him.
- But why?
- Because he's hiding something,
and if he's hiding something,
he's in it somewhere.
And if he's in it
somewhere, his story smells.
Maybe Harry hasn't gone in for
kidnapping.
Maybe he was just going
about his business as usual.
Maybe nobody was in the car.
- I've thought of that myself.
- Suppose Westcott has
to get rid of a body.
That would be a pretty good
reason
for wanting me out of the way.
There are two places he
can't let it be found.
In his home, and in the lake.
And if nobody was in the car,
then it's got to be in one or
the other.
And I'm betting it's in his
cellar.
Do I move in?
- Don't you think you're moving
too fast?
- No, I'm not moving too fast.
There's something fishy about
all this.
I'll stake my reputation on it.
- And your job?
- And my job.
- A hundred dollars?
Now look here, Lopez.
- $100, yes or no?
It's a hot car, it's a--
- It's not a hot car, I'm hot!
You could take this car anyplace
in town.
Now look, Lopez.
Would you give me a break?
I ain't made a dime since I been
here.
- Somebody else, I don't touch
it.
But you, my friend, I got a warm
feeling.
I want to help, you know.
I do you a big favor
getting rid of the evidence.
- It's an $18,000 car!
What kind of favor?
- $100, yes or no, right
now, I got other business.
- Okay, you win.
- Oh, my friend.
It gives me great
pleasure to help you out.
- Yeah.
When are you gonna get
the car out of here?
- Oh, I send my boy about 20
minutes.
- Mhm.
- Believe me.
It's gonna cost me more than a
hundred
just to get it out of here.
- 95, $100.
- I hope you're not too
disappointed, Lieutenant.
- I'm sorry I had to mess the
place up.
- How very touching.
Foul up my house, look under the
beds
for my wife's body, dig up my
cellar,
practically accuse me of
murdering her,
and you're sorry.
- A few doubts, that's all.
I had to clear them up.
- The Lieutenant had to explore
all the avenues, Sheridan.
- Any boulevards you
neglected, Lieutenant,
before I call the maid in?
- Well, there's one more, the
lake.
We're gonna drag it in the
morning.
- Drag it.
- Like Miss Bentley said, all
the avenues.
- A policeman's life is
certainly exhausting.
Dragging a whole lake?
And in the morning?
- You won't have to be
there, Miss Bentley.
- Oh, I wouldn't dream of
missing it.
- Yeah, that's right, we'll be
there.
You might find an old boot or
something.
- Goodbye!
- We'll be there with bells on.
Miss Bentley, myself, and my
lawyers.
- Suit yourself.
- And one more small item,
Lieutenant,
a message for your Chief.
You tell him, perhaps
when the lake is dragged
and my wife is not found,
I'm gonna sue him, you, the
city,
and the diver's union!
Now put that in your teletype!
- Well, I did a great job in
there.
I cleared Westcott.
- Cleared him?
Aren't you gonna drag the lake?
- The lake?
Yeah, we're gonna drag the lake.
And when we're finished,
I'm gonna jump in.
[laughing]
- Oh, you should've seen
the look on his face
when I told him that we were
gonna sue.
I thought he would walk
right through the sidewalk.
- Sheridan, this is the first
time
since this whole thing started
that I feel safe.
- Safe!
Baby, we're free.
We're free!
- All right.
There was nobody in
the car, dead or alive.
That's the way it's gotta be.
Now, look.
If we got there 10
minutes later than we did,
his wife would've been
at the bottom of the lake
and we would've had his car,
right?
All right.
So we got there 10
minutes later than we did.
We stick to that, or we're
through!
Now, we gotta get rid of the
body.
We gotta get rid of it
so it'll never be found.
And since we're telling
ourselves
that we got there 10
minutes later than we did.
Where would the body be, hm?
At the bottom of the lake!
And just to make the
story stick in our minds,
that's exactly where it's gone.
Okay, put her in the trunk.
[whimsical music]
Put her in the trunk!
[lighthearted music]
We did want you to hear
what Mr. Westcott said
when the police found his
beloved's body.
However, we aren't allowed
to send it through the mails.
It was not his finest hour.
By the way, we have a new
complaint.
Certain parties are claiming
that the picture is coming
through excellently,
but that I look distorted.
Now, I shall be handled
in a most suitable manner
and not toss so recklessly
about in transit.
I'm sure that next week, I shall
arrive
completely free of any
unsightly bulges or wrinkles.
[lighthearted music]
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