02x02 - Escape From Hell

[bunniefuu]

Back up!

Get your a*s back!

I don't know who you

think you messing with,

but I'll tell you got

Oh, sh*t.

He gonna f*cking eat my a*s.

You're gonna eat my a*s

and set me on fire or

some sh*t, ain't you?

Who are you? Huh?

Where am I? Tell me tell me

Tell me where I'm at.

Oh,

wait a minute. Do you work

Do you work for Karl Stromberg?

I said do you work for Karl Stromberg?

Okay.

Okay.

Okay, we in it. This is it.

We're doing it. Okay, Karl!

I like it. I like it.

Um, okay. sh*t.

Okay. Let me see where are

where are we in the script.

God, my adrenaline is

flowing so much. You got me.

I thought you was really

trying to eat my a*s.

All right. Uh, okay.

Three, two, one.

- Okay. Rice, peas, carrots.

- Let's go.

You know, I've been

searching the globe for you.

You're a hard man to

find Mr. Bartholomew.

I think you got a line.

You got a line.

Uh, you say your part,

then I'll react off of that

because what you

say sets me up to now

Unless you're not union. Are

Is he union or no?

Guys, can you not Okay.

Oh, rewrite.

There must've been pink pages.

Okay, uh, let me get back in it.

What you gonna do with those?

Chop off my finger?

Hmm? Cut off my leg, my foot?

Newsflash, I only need

one foot to kick your a*s.

That is a trailer moment.

Guys, I only

Good evening.

Do not use the shears on this man.

Is that is that the producer?

Is that Karl? Karl!

He must atone for his sins.

What is that, atone

for my I don't know.

He must feel the pain

he has made others feel.

Yeah, I'm lost, guys.

I don't know where we are.

Um, if we're gonna do a rewrite,

GR's gotta give me the pages.

I'll stay in it. I'll stay in it. Um

Okay. All right. Okay.

Why don't we

why don't we take it easy?

'Cause I know why you're mad, huh?

You mad because I Stop right there.

Let's stop right there. No, no, no.

Let's make that your mark.

Whoa. No. Stop right there.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Whoa. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hey!

Count to ten.

No. f*ck you! Wait.

Hey, hey, hey. Hey, man! Hey!

Oh, no, no, no.

Don't cut my d*ck. Don't cut my d*ck.

That's a Okay. Using it

Use I'mma use it.

Stay in it.

Yeah!

One, two

Come on. Come on.

Dammit. No, not today.

Yeah! Did we get it? Huh?

Spin it. We got it. Yeah.

Come and lay your a*s, Montoya.

This looks incredible. It's so good.

sh*t.

It's Montoya's men.

Jordan? The hell are you doing here?

Son of a b*tch. Did they hurt you?

Hmm? Did they hurt you?

Kevin, what the hell is going on?

The uranium heist.

That's what's going on.

- The what?

- I already handled Bartholomew.

But General Montoya,

he's not gonna let us off this easy.

What the hell are you talking about?

sh*t.

I was walking my dog

and someone hit me in the f*cking neck

with a tranquilizer dart.

- Huh?

- And I ended up here.

What are you talking about?

You didn't talk to Karl Stromberg?

Who?

Karl Stromberg. About the movie.

Right now, we're in it.

This is the movie.

It's a live action movie.

We're improving all the action scenes.

No green screen, no f*cking cables.

It's real. Raw.

It's gonna take my acting career

and my action status to the next level.

So this is all your fault?

Well, I mean, this

my script. It took me

I don't know how long to develop it

- but Karl did

- What the hell is your problem?

Stop. What are you

- What is wrong with you?

- sh*t. Ow!

- I didn't do anything.

- sh*t. That's sharp.

How long were you laying on that?

Damn it.

And why you got an attitude?

This is a simple outline.

It's a lay-up, okay?

I'm a triple agent.

MI7, I'm the highest of high, right?

Like you can't get

higher than where I am.

But you, you're my love interest.

They took you hostage 'cause they

knew it's the only way to get to me.

So now I'm here and I got to get you.

- You understand what I'm saying?

- You're classic,

and I'm pretty sure that

kidnaping is a felony.

Well, I'm pretty sure that

when you're an adult,

they don't call it kidnapping.

- So that's that's pathetic.

- f*ck you, Kevin.

What do you mean, f*ck me?

Why you mad at me?

You should be mad at Karl Stromberg.

I do not know who that is.

Shh.

You don't want them to hear you.

Who? Who will hear me?

There's no one here, and

do not say Karl Stromberg.

Are you saying Strum or Strong?

Is it Strongberg, Stromberg?

'Cause I don't know what that Okay.

Hey, hey, there are cameras everywhere.

We're filming a movie.

Where? Where?

There are no cameras anywhere.

Will you look around?

There's cameras everywhere.

Okay, listen, listen.

All I need you to do is

just grasp what's going on.

This is a big opportunity

for both of us.

Okay, just get in character.

Please?

They got this place locked

down tighter than Fort Knox.

Oh, God. You're right. It's tight out.

Those m*therf*ckers

knew I will come rescue you,

a beautiful damsel in

distress like yourself.

Yeah. Thank you for rescuing me.

Just like any woman,

I wouldn't know what to

do if a man didn't show up

to save me and tell me to eat

so I don't starve and breathe oxygen.

- So that I don't suffocate.

- Let's cut. Let's cut.

Can we cut?

Keyword with me.

- I'd rather not.

- Please?

- Okay.

- Thank you.

All right, guys, wanna go again?

All right. Self action.

Do you have any idea what's

on the outside of that door?

It's dangerous men on

the other side of that door.

I'm talking mercenaries,

K*llers, ninjas,

failed karate school instructors,

people that wanna do bad things

to me just because they can.

There's a bounty on my f*cking head.

I'll tell you what, Esmeralda

I'll pay that bounty,

and I will give them my head

if it meant saving your life

so that you could finish med school

and open up that clinic

that you always wanted

Ow, sh*t!

Open up that clinic that

you always wanted

Esmeralda, wait.

Esmeralda, hey!

Oh, you f*cking piece of sh*t.

You leave her out of here, you hear me?

She's got nothing to do with this.

This is between me, you,

and the 78,000 kilos of stolen uranium.

All right. That's how you wanna have it.

Let's have at it.

I'm so over this.

Kevin, next time you

have a terrible movie idea,

leave me out of it, yeah?

Oh, sh*t.

I'm sorry, but did this

central casting goon

just hit me in the face

with a real f*cking axe?

Cut. No, no, no.

- We need to cut right now.

- No.

- I don't know what

- Don't cut. Don't cut.

production this is but I

need to speak to a producer

Is that all you've got?

Jordan, let me get in there now.

Slam his a*s.

Jordan, let my character

get some, tag me in.

Yeah.

Hold it. Hold it.

Yeah.

Whoo! We got that.

What a scene.

Good job.

Here.

I think I'm the one that was supposed

to kick his a*s, though.

'Cause I'm the lead,

so I'm quite sure that

was supposed to be me.

But we'll fix it in the post

Go, go, go, go!

That guy was trying to k*ll me.

Kevin, not acting. Not a movie.

- Literally trying to k*ll me!

- No.

It's cinema verité.

I know it's a little different,

- but that's what it is.

- Different?

A little f*cking different, Kevin?

Whoa. Are you okay?

Yeah, I know you're just

trying to get me to apologize.

No, no, no.

- Just give me a second. What?

- Kevin.

You've been hit with

a real f*cking b*llet.

That's not real blood.

What

- Of course it's real blood!

- No. Taste it.

I'm not gonna taste your blood, Kevin.

You can. You can. It's pig's blood.

- No

- It's not my blood.

Does that feel fake?

- Ow! Ow!

- sh*t. sh*t. sh*t.

- sh*t.

- I gotta lay down.

I gotta lay down.

Kevin! Kevin!

No, no, no, no. Wait, look.

There's a photographer. Look.

He wants your picture. There.

God.

What the f*ck?