Operation w*r Thunder (2024)

[bunniefuu]

(mysterious music)

(dramatic music)

(suspenseful music)

(clock ticking)

[Mysterious Voice] Please state

your name and date of birth.

Who are you?

What do you even want?

[Mysterious Voice] Answer

the question please.

It's the 10th of November 1983.

My name's Gary.

[Mysterious Voice]

Your full name.

My full name's Gary Pratt.

(voice snickers)

[Mysterious Voice]

What were you doing

at your father's address?

I already told the hooligan

that brought me in here.

I don't have to say anything

until my lawyer gets here.

[Mysterious Voice] I'm

afraid that's not possible.

Why is it not possible?

How can you expect me

to cooperate with you

if you won't even

tell me why I'm here?

I'm not saying another word

until my lawyer gets here.

I know my rights.

[Mysterious Voice] We

are not law enforcement,

so we're not bound to

follow the legal procedures

of the police force or anything

you may think you know.

Well, who are you?

[Mysterious Voice] We are

something much more top secret

and advanced than

the police force.

What like MI6?

The Illuminati?

It's Freemasons, isn't it?

[Mysterious Voice] We

are an organization

that's over a hundred years old.

Okay, Boy Scouts.

[Mysterious Voice] We investigate

unexplained phenomenon

that is in the interest

of national security.

But make no mistake, Gary Pratt.

We do have the power

to keep you here

for an exceptionally

any long time

if you fail to

cooperate with us,

including the remainder

of your natural life.

So will you cooperate?

(clock ticking)

Do I have a choice?

[Mysterious Voice]

Will you cooperate?

Yes.

[Mysterious Voice] Good.

I'll ask you again.

What were you doing at

your father's address?

It's a long story.

[Mysterious Voice] Proceed.

(clock ticking)

Oh, well I guess it all

started when I decided,

fed up with being me,

and I was trying to

take my own life,

and I couldn't even

do that properly.

(dramatic music)

(traffic roaring)

(engine sputtering)

(Gary sighs)

(car door slams)

(light rock music)

(cellphone ringing)

Dazza!

You all right, mate?

What? Tonight?

Nah, nah.

I'm just gonna have a

bit of a chilled one.

Yeah, yeah.

Dynamite?

No, I chucked her

months ago, mate.

Well, when you got the

keys to the sweet shop,

you don't wanna keep

stuffing your face

full of crunches

now, do ya? (laughs)

Nah.

Yeah.

You with the lads?

Eggy, Pops.

The old Popsicle. Yeah.

Nah, you guys have a good one.

No, no, it's fine.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

See you later. Bye bye.

Bye, bye, bye.

Bye, bye.

Buh, buh, buh.

Buh, buh, buh, buh.

Yeah.

Nutters.

(light rock music)

Dynamite, it's Tommy.

Do you fancy a-(cellphone beeps)

(light rock music)

(door clicks shut)

(keys jingle)

(clock ticking)

(Gary sighing)

(traffic roaring)

(alarm blaring)

(Gary sighs)

f*ck!

(traffic roaring)

(wallet thuds)

Excuse me.

Excuse me, you

dropped your purse.

(woman shouts)

(woman muttering)

Wait, wait.

Stop, stop, stop,

Stop, I just found

it down there.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

(woman speaking in

foreign language)

That's all right, that's fine.

No, no, no. That's fine.

(woman speaking in

foreign language)

Honestly, just.

- I'm just waiting for the bus.

- No, no, no, no.

(woman speaking in

foreign language)

It's fine, you keep that.

[Woman] Okay.

(woman speaking in

foreign language)

Actually is there any

chance you can make it 20?

You just greedy!

(traffic roaring)

You Tommy Pratt, mate?

Yeah.

Im a notifier from Heinlein

and Asimov, the law firm.

How'd you find me?

I asked around.

Everyone around here

knows who you are.

Oh.

Yeah, you're the bum

that lives in the van.

Formerly lived in the van.

I got a letter for you.

If that's Dynamite,

tell her I'm keeping

the handcuffs

so she can keep the beads.

They are not coming

into my house.

I know where they've been, mate.

(Tommy smacking lips)

Your dad's dead.

Yeah, I opened it.

Basically what it says is we

can't find a copy of the will.

It's somewhere in the office.

No one can find it.

He's got a copy up

north at his property.

You need to go get that.

Get it back to us.

Until then, you

aint getting sh*t.

Well, I won't bother reading it.

Hey, you just gave us the gist.

Whatever, mate.

Have a nice day, yeah? See ya.

(traffic roaring)

(telephones ringing)

Gary Pratt!

Don't walk passed my door.

Get in here now.

What f*cking time

do you call this?

You haven't been late

once, twice, three times,

four times in the

past two weeks.

Do you know what?

No, it's not good enough.

When you're here,

what do you do?

You're half-assed.

You've got no

interest in the job.

You're an absolute disgrace.

We have got a

presentation in one hour.

Tell me, your boss,

what you have done

for that presentation.

No, no. Don't bother.

I'll tell you.

f*ck all.

Carol, I missed my bus.

But I missed the bus.

Do you know how many times

I've heard this in my

career here over 15 years?

You sure there wasn't some

leaves outside your front door

that you were gonna trip on

maybe a little bit of

snow through the summer?

They're excuses and I

don't want to hear them.

You're a bloody disgrace.

Do you wanna know something?

Do you wanna know?

You will never have f*ck all.

(traffic roaring)

(door clicks shut)

(toy car whirring)

(dramatic music)

(clock chiming)

(Gary sighs)

(water splashing)

(electricity clicks off)

(Gary sighing)

(suspenseful music)

(telephone ringing)

f*ck!

Hello?

Hello?

[Tommy] Operation w*r Thunder.

(bottles clang)

(clock ticking)

(solemn piano music)

(ice cubes rattling)

(solemn music continues)

(flames crackling)

(telephone ringing)

Hello?

[Boss] Five times.

Now it's five times in a few

weeks that you've been late.

Where the f*cking hell

are you this time?

Can you see what

you're doing to me?

Yeah, just running a bit late.

Um, just had some

really bad news.

[Boss] Oh, bad news. Are we?

It's always something.

All right, so it's not

that the buses are late.

No, you've had some bad news.

I don't care what

the bad news is.

- Yeah.

- I want you-

I'll just get my stuff together.

[Boss] In the office now!

Just gotta get my...

Brother.

[Boss] Your brother?

Your brother, Gary Pratt?

No, nevermind your brother.

I would like you to actually

come in and funny enough-

- Actually.

- Come in to work-

I'm not gonna be in for a bit.

[Boss] In this office now!

Oh, f*ck off.

(upbeat rock music)

You better leave, aha

You better leave, aha

You better leave, aha

You better leave, aha

You better leave

Yeah, you better leave

Well, I told you all before

Ain't nothing wrong

with being alone

(upbeat rock music)

(metal creaking)

(birds chirping)

(intense music)

(dramatic music)

Dad's dead.

Yeah, I know.

You said the code word.

I didn't know if

you'd still remember.

(birds chirping)

Sorry about Ashley.

Who?

It's been a long time.

Yeah, it has.

Shall we?

Yeah, I think it's for the best.

(birds chirping)

f*cking hell!

(dramatic music)

Oh, that guy. (laughs)

Yeah, I found him in a cupboard.

I reckon I nicked

him from school

to scare the old dears

down the dance hall.

I thought it was Dad.

Nah.

Dad's over there.

(dramatic music)

f*ck me!

What the hell is Dad

still doing here?

I don't know.

He was there when I found him.

Have you even bothered

to call an undertaker?

They're on strike.

What the f*ck are

you even on about?

Well, first the junior

doctors and the trains

and the postal service.

Now the undertakers.

I don't know. The

country's a mess.

I don't believe this.

Hang on.

So you didn't find him?

No, I got a letter.

If you didn't find him, who did?

(doorbell rings)

(door creaks)

Hello there.

I'm Mrs. Helen Geraldine Wells.

I'm your father's

nearest neighbor.

I live through the

woods over there.

I thought I'd better come

and introduce myself.

I thought you boys would come.

Oh nice. Come in.

Uh, actually, it's a

bit of a mess inside.

Maybe we shouldn't?

Oh.

Oh, don't worry about the mess.

Oh, I've seen it

messy several times.

Your father was

always a messy one.

In fact, on multiple occasions

I've had to come and tidy up.

Oh, look at him.

He looks so peaceful still.

Right where I left him.

It was you that found him?

Yes.

Well, I come over in the mornings

to offer him some muesli.

Well, one morning I came over

and he was down

there on the floor.

I always offered him muesli.

You can never have too much

muesli for good of his health.

But your father wouldn't listen.

Couldn't leave him lying there.

So I popped him back

in his favorite chair.

And did you call the undertaker?

They were on strike.

Told you.

Oh, it's lovely having you

two boys back at the cottage.

Your father, you have no

idea how much he missed you.

Well, I know there

was a falling out

and it's none of my business.

But he would've

loved nothing better

than to have you two

back here together.

Yes, well, uh...

Assume you're staying here.

Uh, yes, but not for long.

We just need to find the will.

Will?

You mean you haven't got one?

Lawyer lost it, but we reckon

it's around here somewhere.

Oh.

Do you have an idea what you're

going to do with this place

when you find the will?

- No clue actually.

- Sell it.

You can't sell this place.

It's been in your

family for generations.

This cottage has always

had a Pratt in it.

Yes. Well it's early days, so.

Well, like I said,

I'm only through the

trees and I've got a car.

So if you need to pop anywhere

or if you want anything,

you only have to ask.

Thanks.

Oh, I almost forgot.

Would you boys care

for a delicious

mix of rolled oats,

dried fruit,

nuts and seeds?

Um, nah. We're all right.

Oh, come on. Stop

dilly-dallying.

Take it. Take the muesli.

Thanks, I guess.

Well, I'll leave you two to it.

Don't worry.

I'll see myself

out the back door.

Bye for now.

See ya.

Oh, thank f*ck she's gone.

We really need to do

something about Dad.

[Mrs. Wells] Muesli!

She's gone.

(Mrs. Wells' voice echoing)

Now she's gone.

Okay, come on, Gary.

Think, think, think.

There really has to be laws

about this kind of thing.

He was a fisherman, weren't he?

Yeah.

Burial at sea.

Are you shh...

Fine, grab his legs.

(water splashing)

- All right?

- Yeah.

Beautiful, innit?

Yeah, well, it's hardly

a burial at sea is it?

How was I meant to know

the cops would turn up?

What, taking a

body to the beach?

Great idea.

He's all right though.

He'll get to the sea eventually.

(water splashing)

Hard to think of things to say.

Yeah.

He was a good bloke though.

Always did us right

when Mum died.

Yeah, he was.

Remember he took us

fishing on that boat?

Yeah, you pushed me overboard.

That time at Dreyfus' farm then?

Yeah, you pushed me

into the pig sh*t.

Kite flying. He

took us kite flying.

He did take us kite flying

and you tied me to the kite

and pushed me off a cliff.

Sorry, mate.

I don't know.

It just seems like

whenever we're together,

nothing goes right for me.

(bird calls)

(bird feces splats)

(Gary sighs)

He would've loved

all this though.

Youve done really well.

Yeah?

- Yeah.

- Cheers.

Let's make a move.

Looks like a storm's coming.

I know.

(solemn trumpet music)

(sheep bleating)

Old place ain't changed much.

He never threw anything away.

No.

He still kept all

of Mum's old books.

Remember this?

Just me, you, and

Dad at WrestleMania.

Wanna keep it?

Nah.

Well, we need to

find the old will.

I'll take my room.

You take Dad's.

Alright.

(Gary sighing)

(ominous music)

(doll creaking)

(clock ticking) (intense music)

(Tommy knocking on door)

[Tommy] Hey, Gary!

What?

[Tommy] Come and have

a look at what I found.

(sighs) Geez.

Look at that.

Dad's old CB radio.

I thought you found

something worthwhile.

Don't you remember these?

Dad was proper into 'em.

[Gary] Yeah.

Do you remember his handle?

Mm, w*r Thunder.

Exactly.

Do you think it still works?

I don't know.

Judging by the state

of this, probably not.

Let's try.

(radio crackling)

Breaker, breaker.

This is w*r Thunder.

w*r Thunder's dead.

This is w*r Thunder 2.

Genius.

Can anyone acknowledge? Over.

My name is Nigel

Nigel

And I live in a car

In my car

Here let me have a go.

(radio crackling)

(static buzzing)

Hello? Hello?

Can anyone hear me?

[Boss] It's me, Gary

Pratt, you little b*stard.

I knew I'd find you in here.

- God.

- I am livid-

Let's just turn that off.

(radio crackling)

(static buzzing)

Wait, what's that?

(radio tones beeping)

It should be a bad

mic or something.

Sounds like a code.

(radio tones beeping)

Now, come on.

We ain't got time for this.

Hey.

(radio tones beeping)

Hello. Hello.

Come in. This is w*r Thunder 2.

Can anyone hear me? Over.

(radio tones beeping)

Can anyone acknowledge? Over.

So weird.

Oh, bollocks to this.

Come on. We've got

better things to do.

Hmm.

(ominous music)

(upbeat rock music)

Looking back through

my old photos

There's a man that I

can't recognize tonight

(upbeat rock music)

Open up and tell another

Is it me or is it

in my mind tonight

(upbeat rock music)

Here he comes

The man in the mirror

Slowly getting

thinner so eat

(upbeat rock music)

(thunder rumbling)

(Tommy yawns)

You, uh, found anything?

Nah. Be there somewhere.

Beer?

Mind if I pull up a chair?

Yeah, it's half your house.

(chair creaking)

Some good memories back there.

Yeah?

Maybe not for me.

Like memories I'd rather forget.

The dolls?

Yeah, I forgot you

had a phobia of them.

No, not just the dolls.

I mean this whole house

is like a time capsule

of a miserable childhood.

Then why'd you come back?

'Cause I had nothing else to do.

(thunder rumbles)

I guess I didn't help

with the childhood.

Honestly?

No you didn't.

I always did everything your way

no matter how much

sh*t that got me in.

You didn't realize

how hard it was

being the black

sheep of the family.

[Tommy] You mean the adoption?

No, not even just that.

I mean, so when I first arrived,

Mum, I always felt that

she really wanted me.

But Dad?

He had you.

He always had the

son that he wanted.

But with Mum, you know,

she was the one that

tucked me in at night.

She was the one

that protected me.

She provided me with

warmth and comfort.

And then she was gone.

When,

when she died,

it was like I was alone again.

Thats why I did all

that sh*t for you.

I just craved to be wanted,

to be loved, to be useful.

Only just always backfired

and just everyone,

everyone resented me.

I mean, I just,

it would've been nice

for once, you know?

Just once, you had my back.

Probably why I left when I did.

I just felt so ashamed of

always being a problem child.

Except it wasn't me. Was it?

It was you.

I'm sorry.

I was an a*s.

Selfish a*s.

Yes, thats putting it lightly.

You know, for what it's worth,

I'm sorry for putting them dolls

in your room at night

giving you a phobia.

Fine.

I'm sorry I kept

pissing on you at night,

making everyone think

you wet the bed.

That was you?

Sorry, mate.

I was 15 years old.

You saw the amount of therapy

that they put me

through just for that.

I mean, I didn't even

have sex until I was 22.

Just in case it happened again.

Sorry.

Whatever.

It's fine.

It's gone, done.

But hey, you turned out

the best in the end, eh?

Got a decent place

and you're a manager

of a f*cking car firm.

How good is that?

Not as glamorous as it sounds.

No, I tell all my mates.

I say my brother's, like,

high up in some sort

of car dealership

or manufacturing or whatever.

I'm proud of you, man.

(thunder rumbles)

Can you believe how long

I've wanted to get all

this off my chest for?

How long?

It's a rhetorical

question, you twat.

Right.

Tell you what though,

I'm impressed you

remembered the code.

Yeah. (chuckles)

Operation w*r Thunder.

Our little code

for when Dad died.

Yeah.

No matter where we

were in the world,

no matter what sh*t

had come between us.

We would always reconcile to

sort out the family business.

Cheers.

Cheers.

(cans clink)

Mm.

(rain pattering)

(thunder rumbles)

Ah.

So come on then.

Tell us about yourself.

I mean, you have a

house, a job, a woman?

Man?

(laughs) I'm looking.

Yeah, there was a girl once.

Chloe.

- Yeah?

- Yeah.

Everyone called her Dynamite.

Oh, she was great though.

You know when you meet

someone that straight away,

you just know that's

the right pick for you?

Yeah, love at

first sight, right?

Ah, not for her. She was blind.

Oh.

So where'd you meet her anyway?

I mean, like met her

at a club or on Tinder?

"Naked Attraction."

Romantic.

Yeah.

Oh well, there's plenty

more fish in the sea, eh?

Right.

I'm sure we can both

drink to that. Right?

(cans clink)

[Both] Cheers.

Another?

Yeah, go on.

I see the fires going out.

(dramatic music)

(door thudding)

(door creaks)

(dramatic music)

f*cking hell!

I thought you were outside?

You heard it too?

Yeah. There's someone out there.

Who?

I don't f*cking know.

I'm stood right here.

Go and find out.

(suspenseful music)

(objects rattling)

They're in the house.

Don't worry, I know MMA.

That's f*cking bullshit.

(suspenseful music)

I'm gonna barge in

on three, all right?

Three, two, one.

- Wait.

- What?

That door's not big enough

for the both of

us to get through.

One of us has gotta go first.

After you then.

f*ck off, I ain't going first.

You just said you knew MMA.

Well, I was bullshitting.

I f*cking knew it.

Fine, I'll go first.

Three, two-

Wait.

f*cking what?

I couldn't live with myself

if something happened to you,

not after everything

we said tonight.

Fine, go ahead.

That's not what I'm saying.

I'm saying there should

be a healthy competition

to get to see who goes first.

What the f*ck do you want?

A round of tiddlywinks

or snakes and ladders?

Oh no, well just run round

the moors three times.

First one back hangs back, yeah?

Just keep it simple.

Rock, paper, scissors.

f*cking get on with it then.

One, two, three.

sh*t.

Right, after you.

Three, two, one.

(dramatic music)

(both shouting)

(Mrs. Wells yells)

For the love of muesli!

Mrs. Wells.

Mrs. Helen Geraldine Wells.

Yeah. Whatever.

What are you doing in our house?

Well, I am rather

caught, arent I?

Well, I don't want

you to sell the house

so I was looking for

your father's will.

I was going to take it

to stop you selling it.

Oh, you found it? Great.

We've been looking

all day for it-

Shh.

Mrs. Wells.

Mrs. Helen Geraldine Wells.

Mrs. Helen Geraldine Wells,

you really can't be breaking

into people's houses,

especially at this

time in the morning.

Well technically

I appreciate that

and I'm sorry but

I wasn't actually

breaking in as you put it.

See, I've got a key.

Your father and

I were, you know.

What?

You know.

Shagging?

(Mrs. Wells gasps)

Don't be coarse.

We were lovers.

You and Dad?

Yes.

Well, when my Ralphie got sick

and he lost control of

all his bodily functions

and I became his

full-time carer.

Well it's, it's lonely

out on the moors

and your father

was a loving man.

We couldn't publicize our

love when my Ralphie was alive

and well, when my Ralphie died,

your father died soon after.

Before we could,

before we could tell

the world of our love.

(Tommy sniffles)

That's lovely.

So you see, you can't

sell the cottage.

It's all I've got

to remember him by.

(Gary sighs)

Well, I mean in a minute we

can't even find the will.

So we don't know

what's gonna happen,

but rest assured we

will keep in touch.

In the meantime, you really

can't be letting yourself in.

I apologize.

And I appreciate that.

It won't happen again.

That's all right. No problem.

It is getting late though.

Of course.

I'll see myself out.

Uh, if you could

just leave the key?

If you insist.

(keys jingle)

You know, he never stopped

loving you two boys,

and he kept on believing

that one day you two

would find peace.

[Gary] I'm going to bed.

(crickets chirping)

(mysterious music)

(dramatic music)

- Gary.

- Huh?

Sorry, I think I went

off in a daze then.

[Mysterious Voice]

We need to clarify

one part of your story.

(Gary clears throat)

Yeah?

[Mysterious Voice] You were 22

when you first

slept with a girl?

Yeah.

[Mysterious Voice] 22 years old?

Yeah.

Not that I could see what that's

got so to do with anything.

[Mysterious Voice] We

have it on good authority

that you were actually 32 when

you first slept with a girl.

Give or take.

[Mysterious Voice]

Please keep to the facts.

Fine.

[Mysterious Voice] Did

you have any animosity

towards the relationship

between your father and

Mrs. Helen Geraldine Wells?

No, I hadn't seen him in years.

So whatever he got up to,

absolutely no concern of mine.

[Mysterious Voice]

But you confirmed

she was trying to

steal the will.

It wasn't worth k*lling her over

if that's what you're

trying to get at.

[Mysterious Voice] Tell us

when you found

your father's will.

It was the following morning.

I had decided to go for a walk

and take in some country air.

(gentle acoustic music)

(sheep bleating)

(sheep bleating)

[Sheep] Pratt.

Gary Pratt.

w*nk*r.

(sheep bleating)

Okay, you know you

were right about Dad.

He really did keep

any old shite.

Look, your old slingshot.

Hmm.

Tommy Pratt, age nine.

It's nice, isn't it?

Tommy Pratt, age 10 and a half.

I'll never know why he

stuck this on the fridge.

Any of yours?

No, thankfully I managed

to get all my stuff out

before I left.

It was almost like

I was never here.

It's no good. I

can't find a will.

Maybe there was no will.

Yeah, maybe.

You know, I used to

know this Chinese lawyer

because she reckons

if there's no will,

it just gets divided out

between the last

remaining family members.

Only after speaking to

Mrs. Wells last night,

I wouldn't be surprised if

the smitten old love dog,

he decided to include

her in the will.

And on top of that,

with Dad being Dad,

I reckon there could be

two, three more women.

Ugh.

And then we'd have to divide

it out between them as well.

Look at this!

Dad's old fishing gear.

How's about it?

What?

Let's go fishing.

[Gary] Why?

Because I'm bored

and I know it'd be a

good way of honoring Dad.

And maybe we could just make

a day of it, just me and you.

Yeah, f*ck it.

(birds chirping)

Right.

Uh, what are we

gonna do with this?

I dunno.

I think that bit goes

in the water and...

Alright, let's give it a go.

You go and get some water.

Hey, look at this.

"To my boys, in the

event of my death

"within this envelope contains

my last will and test-"

It's the will.

Open it.

b*stard.

b*stard.

Does this mean I don't

get my van anymore?

f*cking b*stard!

Where you going?

[Gary] Home. I'm going home.

[Tommy] What about fishing?

Oh, fishing is for twats.

(birds chirping)

(expl*si*n rumbling)

(suspenseful music)

Right.

(door creaks)

Mrs. Wells, we really need

to stop doing this now.

Just whatever you're

doing, just go back home.

There's been a

complication with the will.

So just leave us to it,

we'll get it sorted.

(creature tittering)

(suspenseful music)

Mrs. Wells?

Muesli?

Mrs. Wells?

(suspenseful music)

(creature slurping)

There you are.

What?

(dramatic music)

(intense music)

(creature howling)

(both grunting)

What are you doing, you twat?

What you doing out here?

Run!

- Go on.

- Run!

Ah!

(dramatic music)

[Gary] Come on, hurry up.

[Tommy] I cant, Ive got gout.

(intense music)

(both panting)

Wait, wait. Don't

turn on the light.

Why?

There's something outside.

What?

I, I don't know what it was.

It's just something

in the woods.

Looked like it was

eating her legs.

Whose legs? Mrs. Wells's?

I, I dunno. I can't be so sure.

This is a prank, innit?

Shh! Just keep your voice down.

This is a prank for all

the times I f*cked you up.

No, just shut the up. All right?

It's not a prank.

There's something out there

and it was eating

Mrs. Wells's legs.

Ah!

You just said you didn't know.

What?

A minute ago.

You said you didn't know

whose legs they are.

Now you're saying

they're Mrs. Wells's.

It's a guess.

I'm guessing it's her legs.

Yeah, but how can you be sure?

Obviously I can't be 100% sure

'cause I didn't f*cking

study her legs, all right?

But given the fact

she's the only other person

in this entire vicinity,

it's a good f*cking

chance, all right?

Muesli!

Muesli!

All right, you win.

She got two legs though.

She does look pretty rough.

We gotta go help her.

But what if it's not her?

Well, it looks like her.

[Mrs. Wells] Muesli!

Sounds like her.

Look, I definitely

saw something.

It was eating her legs.

No. Come on.

We've gotta go and help her.

Oh, if you get me k*lled,

there'd be something I

never got around to do.

(Mrs. Wells muttering)

You all right?

Muesli.

I really don't like this.

Something doesn't seem right.

[Mrs. Wells] Muesli.

No, we don't need any muesli.

Don't like the stuff.

Muesli.

She's not getting it, is she?

Muesli.

She's proper barmy, mate.

What are we gonna do?

I suppose we best

call an ambulance.

Yeah, you don't look

so healthy, Mrs. Wells.

You look more like Mrs. Ills.

(chuckles) Ills.

That was awful.

(Mrs. Wells muttering)

Well, you best go and

get her, all right?

f*ck off.

Look at the state of her.

I'm not going nowhere near her.

It was your f*cking idea.

Yeah, doesn't mean I have to go

and touch her though, does it?

She might cry r*pe or something.

I ain't going

through that again.

(Mrs. Wells yelling)

I mean, she's hardly

gonna accuse you of that.

More than likely it'll be just

because you put too much

sugar on her muesli.

How is that?

(Mrs. Wells yelling)

Look.

(Mrs. Wells yelling)

What's happening?

(dramatic music)

(Tommy farts)

(Gary sniffs)

Run?

Yeah.

(intense music)

You saw that too, right?

Her face changed, man.

Yeah, what hell got into her?

Too much muesli?

Maybe.

What are we gonna do?

Dunno.

Hang on.

There's literally two of us.

Why are we hiding like

a bunch of cowards?

Good point.

(door creaks)

(suspenseful music)

Mrs. Wells, you still there?

I think she's gone.

Mrs. Wells, I think

you need a doctor.

Or an exorcist.

(crickets chirping)

(suspenseful music)

Well, that's that.

She's f*cked off.

I'm going to bed.

(dramatic music)

Wait.

I thought I saw something.

Ah, f*ck this.

- I just need to sleep.

- Oh, come on.

I won't be able to sleep anyway.

We might as well

go and help her.

Oh, sure.

I was suicidal a few days ago.

Hopefully this'll finish us off.

Look, I've seen "The

Exorcist" six times.

All we gotta do is

say a few prayers,

she'll go back to normal.

They'll gimme some

sort of award.

I get my van back and

everything will be hunky-dory.

Oh, f*ck this.

Let's just forget it.

Why?

Because she's not even out here.

We may as well just go

back home, get some sleep

and first thing in the morning,

we should get the

f*ck outta here.

(dramatic music)

But I need my van.

(creature tittering)

(brothers chattering)

(ominous music)

(dramatic music)

Do you ever get the feeling

something's behind you?

Yeah.

(dramatic music)

(Tommy screams shrilly)

(intense music)

Turn the torch off.

f*ck.

sh*t.

Shh, shh.

(suspenseful music)

(footsteps rustling)

I think it's gone.

(footsteps rustling)

No. Shh.

(dramatic music)

- Go.

- Right.

(suspenseful music)

For f*ck's sake.

What the f*ck are you doing?

What? It might be my last one.

Stop f*cking around. Come on.

(dramatic music)

(creature shrieking)

Wait, for f*ck's sake.

- What?

- There's something coming.

(dramatic music)

Hide.

(dramatic music)

Let's go.

What in the blue

f*ck sticks was that?

I dunno, but I'm

calling the police.

I'm f*cking fed

up with this sh*t.

(telephone ringing)

I ain't ever eating

muesli again.

(telephone ringing)

[Boss] Here we are again.

Where the f*ck are you?

You are done, mate.

You are... Shut the

f*ck up! I quit!

Okay, come on, Gary. Think.

We need to get the

word out somehow.

[Both] CB radio!

(radio static buzzing)

Hello, hello. Come in.

We have an emergency

at the Pratt residence.

Can anyone hear me?

(radio static buzzing)

I repeat. Is anyone there?

This is w*r Thunder 2,

three, or f*cking four.

Just whatever. Is anyone there?

(radio static buzzing)

(strange voices echoing)

An alien.

Yeah, it makes sense now.

You saw Mrs. Wells get

eaten in the woods?

Yeah.

Then whatever it is

can take on human form.

That out there is

not Mrs. Wells.

It's an alien.

But why would it land here?

It's happened before.

Do you remember that nutty man

that used to work with Dad

down at the fish market?

Yeah, Billy the

nutty fishmonger.

Yeah.

Wow, we were really on point

with our nicknames, weren't we?

Yeah.

But yeah, go on.

One night he was sailing home.

He saw bright lights in

the sky and he blacked out.

When he came to,

he went to check on himself

and he found something.

(ominous music)

Yeah, what?

He'd grown a beard.

Huh? A beard?

Oh yeah, don't you see?

The aliens must have

took him away for days.

What's that gotta do with us

two right now? Right here?

Maybe we called

it on this thing.

(radio static buzzing)

(glass shatters)

It's in the house.

(glass shatters)

Let's get outta here!

(dramatic music)

(doorknob rattling)

sh*t!

In the bathroom.

Quick, in the shower.

Not like that. Come on.

(suspenseful music)

- g*y.

- Shut up!

(suspenseful music)

(alien tittering)

(dramatic music)

[Barry] Hello, this is

Big Barrys Balloons.

Unfortunately, I had a

helium leak in my van

and I couldn't

quite come to the-

(high-pitched voice chattering)

(intense music)

(radio static buzzing)

Oh, if only you had a car.

- I've got one.

- Where?

It's broke.

Then we've gotta get

to Mrs Wellss house

through the woods.

f*ck that. I'm not going there.

We've got to, she's got a car.

Its the only way off the moors.

f*ck it. Come on.

(intense music)

(alien shrieking)

(dramatic music)

(alien shrieking)

- Ah! I twisted my ankle!

- Come on!

On your feet,

soldier! On your feet!

c**t!

Long tall Sally built for speed.

Shes everything that

Uncle John needs.

Oh, baby.

Were gonna have me some fun

Some fun

- Gary, stop!

- What?

Stop, I can't.

Stop being a p*ssy. Come on.

That thing's gonna k*ll us both.

Let me just slow it down.

Literally, just

through the trees.

We can make it.

Just forget it.

Look, I've got nothing.

Nothing.

I've got no car, no house.

You've got everything.

You're a manager of

a f*cking car firm.

How cool is that?

Which I literally just quit.

Look, I've spent the last seven

days trying to k*ll myself.

I'm a complete f*ck up.

You're not a f*ck up.

You're the best of us, man.

You're the best around

Nothing's ever

gonna keep you down

You're the best.

Now f*ck off and let me do

one good thing for my brother.

But, but-(Tommy shouts)

(finger squelches)

Just go.

(finger pops)

f*ck you, Tommy.

(dramatic music)

(alien shrieking)

Okay, you alien as*h*le.

In the words of my generation,

up yours!

(triumphant music)

Just a minute. I'm coming.

(Tommy shouting)

(dramatic music)

(alien shrieking)

(suspenseful music)

f*cking muesli.

Yes!

I got him.

I got him.

Tommy.

I thought you were dead.

I got him. I got him.

Right, well, I've got the keys,

so let's get the

f*ck out of here

and put an end to

Operation w*r Thunder.

What?

We can go.

Let's put an end to

Operation w*r Thunder.

It's done.

w*r Thunder?

Yeah.

(dramatic music)

(suspenseful music)

(dramatic music)

(alien growling)

(shrill tones buzzing)

(Gary breathing heavily)

(crickets chirping)

(dramatic music)

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

It's me.

Right, well say the codeword.

What?

Just say the f*cking codeword!

Operation w*r Thunder.

But I'm thinking of changing

it to Operation Dickhead.

Right, it is you then.

Oh, the f*cking thing bit me.

I just f*cking

k*lled you in there.

Well, obviously not.

Get in the car.

Let's f*cking go.

(Tommy groaning)

- Let's just get outta here.

- Yeah.

(car engine revs)

(dramatic music)

And that's everything

I remember.

[Mysterious Voice] We've been

able to collect DNA samples

from blood found on a tree

which matched Mrs.

Helen Geraldine Wells.

However, no trace of your brother

Tommy has yet to be found.

We need to locate him

as soon as possible.

He was in the car.

It was him. All right?

He said the f*cking

code. It was him.

[Mysterious Voice] Where

did you drive upon leaving?

I can't remember.

I've told you this.

(door creaks)

(footsteps thudding)

And you are?

[Dr. Zhang] Hello

Gary, I'm Dr. Zhang.

I've been studying your case

and I can see it's having

quite the effect on you.

There's a woman dead,

my brother's missing.

He's probably been eaten

by a f*cking alien.

Of course it's had

an effect on me.

You gotta get me out of here.

You've got no idea what

this thing's capable of.

[Dr. Zhang] Unfortunately,

I've just signed the papers

to keep you here for at

least another six weeks.

- Six weeks?

- I'm afraid so.

(suspenseful music)

(alien slurping)

(dramatic music)

(intense music)

(upbeat rock music)

(bluesy rock music)

I wake up in the morning

Got mud inside my socks

Got a head full of ideas

but I think that I forgot

You better leave

my mind alone

Well I told you all before

Ain't wrong with being alone

I went down to the station

to find myself a train

They found I had no ticket

They kicked me

straight off again

You better leave

my mind alone

Well I told you all before

Ain't nothing wrong

with being alone

(bluesy rock music)