01x07 - Substitute Teacher/Seeing Eye Dogs

[bunniefuu]

Today, two stupid dogs learn the name of

that little flashy thing that hangs down

at the back of your throat. What

is that?And on Super Secret Secret

Squirrel.

Everybody's a critic.

Two stupid dogs!

Two stupid dogs! Two stupid dogs!

Well, good morning, boys and girls.

Just look at all your bright, shiny

faces that I love so much.

As you know, your regular teacher, Mrs.

Crabface, had a nervous breakdown

and won't be with us for a while.

Quit it. So today you have a new

substitute teacher. Quit

it. He's kind of a big boy.

Hope you like him.

Quit it. What a

fowler.

Hello there, little fella. Good

day, class. You boys and

girls can call me Mr.

H. Here, let me

spell that for you.

I'm your new teacher. I love

teaching. Yes, sir. Nothing makes this

old boy's heart purr like the sight and

sound of your young minds plumping up

with the learning I bestow upon you.

So, anybody know their

ABC's?

Hmm

I can see you're gonna need some

serious tutoring. Ah

What a fowler.

Okay, son, this'll be easy as pie. All

you gotta do is recite your ABCs

correctly, and this little baby'll give

you a mold and milk ball. What could be

funner than that?What's this on my

head?Oh, that's nothing. Unless you

happen to be incorrect. Then you get an

educationally motivating electric shock!

Shall we begin?

Um.. A... B... G...

Hmm..

Well, isn't that cute?But

it's wrong!

There!Try again.

A, B, R...

Real cute, but it's still wrong.

One more time. A, G, seven...

What?Give me that!

Hmm.. A, B, C...

ABC...

A is for apple, B is for bear,

C is

for... A...

B...

Hey, I didn't even get to see!

Hey! Cut it out! Stop it!

Oh, that guy! Stop!

Now, remember, boys and girls, never

overfeed your pets. You wouldn't want

your designated animals bloating up on

you, would you?

Having trouble with your little bunny,

Sonny?I'm scared it'll bite me.

No need to fret. The rabbit is

one of nature's cutest and

gentlest creatures. See?

Hey, Buffy, want to see something big and

slimy?Uh, a frog!

Uh, a Kenny!

HmmHi-yah! Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.

Four score and some years

ago, our forefathers fought on

this continent a civil w*r.

A bitter, rancorous battle was waged by

the people, and pour the people, and...

against the people. Or something like

that. Anyways, as part of today's history

lesson, we're gonna recreate the

actual moment when the South

surrendered to the North. Go at

it, boys. Make peace.

No, I can't! Why should I surrender to

this Fowler?He can't even tie his own

shoes. I didn't?That's

it! The South shall rise again.

What a fowler! Well, isn't

that cute?That's wrong!

It ain't the way it happened at all!

According to the book, you got your facts

mixed up.

Charge! First off,

nobody ever fell.

I take that back. General Grant might

have fallen off his horse.

HuhThat's better.

Dirty

Rebels got me! Oh, please

don't let me die. There's still so much I

must do for my country.

Well, boys and girls... Looks like

this old boy's time is up.

Preserve the union!

I thought Lincoln was shot.

Hey, we'll catch up to Secret Squirrel

after this. Super Secret

Secret Squirrel back in business.

It's all simple, yet replete with raw

emotion. Indeed, it was truly a

masterpiece. Not only were

all the Renoirs ripped off, now the

Monets are missing.

As you may know, I am in charge of

security for this entire gala.

But enough about me. Have you ever

considered getting into undercover

work?Ladies and gentlemen,

may I have your attention?This is

the moment you've all been waiting for,

for the unveiling of our

museum's most famous and

nearly lastPiece of

art, you see.

Not again. Hmm

Come in, secret squirrel.

Agent Triple Zero, secret squirrel

reporting for duty.

Likewise, Morocco Mole.

Secret. Nearly all of the museum's

priceless artwork has disappeared.

Your assignment recover the pilfered

paintings that apprehend this artful

villain. Sounds like just the crime

to whet my artistic appetite. Yeah,

and nobody's wetter than me.

With everyone gone, we can easily track

the thief's trail using my phosphorescent

footprint follower.

Oh, no secret. There are far too many

feetprints to follow. No worries,

Moraco. I'll just filter out everyone

else's footprints and filter in the

thief's.

Oh, Secret. What it must be

like to be so crafty and

clever. Why, if there were a list of

the 10 most niftiest crime-solving

squirrels in the whole world, you would

be the first three, Secret. I'll bet

if... Hey, why do the feet prints stop

here, Secret?

That's why, Morocco. Oh.

Look, Secret, it's all the stolen

artworks hidden right

inside the museum.

Hiding in plain sight is my

specialty. Who said that?Why

I did, Secret Squirrel. Of

course, my perplexing pigmentation is

imperceptible to your untrained

eye. Perhaps you should take a closer

look.

Now you don't see me.

Now you do.

Secret. It's a chameleon.

Yes, quite the artful type.

Wouldn't you concur?If you ask me.

Your composition is crooked. Ohh

My dear secret, I see you have

much to learn about fine art, and though

capturing you was my own criminal

masterpiece, I'd much prefer to pass

the time absorbed in the works of the

true masters. Impressionism

impresses me.

Pointillism ohh gives me goose

pimples, and

chiaroscuro makes

me quiver. When

I stand before great art, I can't

help but become a part of it. Only I

could appreciate their beauty, and with

you out of the picture,

only I shall.

I feel faint, secret. All the blood is

rushing to my face. Relax, Morocco.

The chameleon's artistic license is about

to be revoked. All right,

lizard. Get ready for your

black and blue period.

Time for me to Van Gogh.

He's framed himself. Now we'll never find

him. Fret not, bifocal buddy.

These infrared, heat-sensitive spectacles

will de-camouflage the chameleon.

OohHe's lurking in that Leonardo.

Give it up, chameleon. This game of hide

and heat-seek is over. The game

is far from over, secret squirrel.

Cheerio.

Look, Secret, none of the paintings in

this room have been stolen. And I

think I know why. Grab

those sheets and cover the artwork,

Morocco. We're gonna paint that

loony lizard into a corner.

Gosh, what great paintings. I've never

seen anything like them. These are really

good. Really.

Anybody who says they love art is really

going to love this.

Where are they?Where?WhereNow,

Morocco.

Modern art, I loathe modern

art.

Multiple viewpoints, discarded

perspectives. You will drive me

crazy!

Abstracted, popped.

Splattered! Splattered!

Jeepers! This

is not ours.

Everybody's a critic.

Well, I I don't know how to thank you,

secret squirrel, you've... recovered the

museum's entire collection and

donated this distinctive work of your

own. It's wonderful.

Thanks. I call it still life

without parole.

Two stupid dogs. Got a break.

Now on with the show.

Anybody here?

Uh, may I help you?Sure can! I

just got back from the optopometrist.

He put them dern drops in my eyes so as I

can't see a thing! See?

So I'd like to buy me a guide dog.

Very good, sir. A... a

guide dog?Better make that two

dogs, one for each eye. I'm

sorry, sir, but this is a wig-- Hey!

How much for this little pup?Mmm,

he feels pretty good. But I

want the best two dogs you've got. And

I'm willing to pay big bucks for 'em,

cash! I'm

sorry, but...

Wait here, I'll see what I can

do.

I gotta find a hydrant. Okay, okay

But first, let's build a submarine.

What's a submarine?I don't know.

Okay, boys, take me home. Hmm

Stop!

That's the wrong way. Follow me. I know a

shortcut.

Shortcut's this way. Good, 'cause I

still gotta find a hydrant.

Am I home yet?Home?

Shortcuts this way.

Am I home yet?Hmm

Shortcuts this way.

Am I home yet?

Who's the fat guy?I don't know.

Maybe he knows the way to the shortcut.

Maybe not.

Hey!

S-H-O-R-T-C-U-T.

Shortcut. Must be right through here.

I still got to find a hydrant.

Hydrant?Hydrant?

Let's see.

Hey, look! You pee.

You pee. Sounds perfect. That's what

you want to do, right?Let's see if it

works. Did it work?

Nope. Try again.

ohh

Am I home yet?Am I home yet?Am I...

home... sh*t

My glasses! My glasses! Anybody see my

glasses?Uh

ohHuh

My glasses! They're ruined!

Hey! I can see! I can see! I

can see! I can see!

What am I doing here?This

isn't home. Home, follow

me. I know a shortcut. A

shortcut?Well, isn't that cute?

But it's wrong! This time,

I'm going my way!

Hey, a firetruck!

Hey, wait for me!

Okay, dogs, here comes a break.