Fuller Brush Girl, The (1950)

[bunniefuu]

(ORCHESTRAL MUSIC PLAYING)

(KNOCKING AT DOOR)

(DOG BARKING)

(KNOCKING AT DOOR)

(KNOCKING AT DOOR)

(DOORBELL RINGING)

(KNOCKING AT DOOR)

(HAMMERING)

Oh, no!

Oh, good morning, Miss Elliot.

Only one left?

Yes this one.

The one you've looked at so often.

Oh gee, I guess that's all

I'll ever be able to do is look at it.

I've been kinda saving this one for you,

knowing how much you wanted it.

But now that all the others are sold,

well, this one will probably go today.

Well you've done swell Mr.

Deval. Humphrey and I...

- Hi Sally.

- Hi.

I thought I'd find you here.

For the last time, Humphrey.

- Did you sell our house?

- There's a young couple interested in it.

They're coming back today.

Why don't you two take it?

You've got the down payment.

Yeah, but we don't make enough

to keep up the monthly payments.

Even with both of us working.

Come on, we'd better go,

we'll be late.

Yeah.

- Gee, I can just see you...

- Yeah, I'm right here.

No, I mean I always saw you carrying me

over that threshold after we married.

I probably would have stumbled.


I usually do.

Oh, don't be discouraged.

Something will turn up.

You're intelligent.

It only took you a year to finish

that correspondence course.

Yeah, but that was

a six months' course.

Well, I don't care. You'll get


a raise soon I know it.

And then we can be married.

Can't we?

I think you better.

Good morning,

Maritime Steamship.

Our cargo supervisor?

Yes, that's Mr. Roberts.


Hold on I'll connect you.

Oh, Mr. Roberts, there's a call

for you. Panama Import Company.

- Let the new cargo supervisor take it!

- New cargo supervisor?

- Old man Simpson just fired me.

- Fired you? What for?

That's what I'd like to know.

- Humphrey.


- Hm?

Come here.

- Mr. Simpson fired Mr. Roberts.

- He did?

Yeah. Humphrey, put those

papers down right away.

(MUFFLED)

- What?


- I gotta file these.

- You're all through filing.

- I haven't started yet.

You're not going to. You're going in

there and tell Mr. Simpson that you're

- the new cargo supervisor.

- Me?

I couldn't do that.

Why not, you know


all about shipments?

- This is the job you always wanted.

- Well you know Mr. Simpson

doesn't like me.

He's always yelling at me.

Well, yell right back at him.

You tell him you want that job. Listen,

it pays $15 a week more, that's...

- Why that's $60 a month more.

- We can have our house.

Oh, Humphrey, this is our big chance.

Now you go in and see Simpson before

he hires someone else.

- Mr. Simpson wouldn't give me the...

- You don't know until you try.

Go ahead.

Maritime Steamship Company.

- (HUMPHREY MOUTHING WORDS)

- Just a moment please...

Hold it please.

(SALLY MOUTHING WORDS)

- (PHONE RINGING)

- Yes? Well put him on. Hello, Rocky.

How's it going?

Well, I just fired Roberts,

we gotta get someone to check

that shipment tomorrow night.

Who's the pigeon?

I don't know yet. It's gotta be

someone who's stupid enough

not to know what's going on.

Wait a minute.

- What do you want?

- Well sir, I... uh, I...

Go on, get outta here, stupid!

Stupid. I'll call

you right back.

- What did he say?

- Oh, is he mad.

- Really?

- Briggs! You wanted to see me, Briggs?

(LAUGHING) I mean Humphrey.

Who me? No sir.

You come right in, my

boy, you come right in.

- Don't disturb us.

- No, sir.

What did you want to

see me about? Step right in.

Good morning,

Maritime Steamship.

Mr. Simpson? Oh, I'm sorry, I

can't disturb him now,

he's in the middle of a big

conference.

Yes.

- Sally! I got it. I got it.

- Oh! Maritime Steamship Company.

Hold it a moment please.

I knew you would if you

just demanded your right.

That's what I did. I said to

him, I said...

Matter of fact I just said

hello and he gave me the job.

I'll call Mr. Deval and

tell him to hold our house.

No, I'll go over.

I'll go to the bank and draw out

our money, then I'll sign the papers

and when I come back,

the house will be ours, all ours!

- Good-bye.

- Bye.

All ours!

Oh, I'm sorry. Hello!

Goodbye!

"Oh, I'm sorry, hello, goodbye"?

What a boyfriend.

Oh, Humphrey's a little

excited, and so am I.

- We're buying our house.

- Oh, you finally made it!

- Yeah.

- Perchance I hear wedding bells?

Well, it's about time, we've had

the license for three years.

Oh it's a lucky thing I dropped in.

I'm gonna make you the

prettiest bride in town.

- What you got in there?

- I'm a Fuller Brush girl now.

Been selling for about a month.

- Oh, brushes?

- No, Fuller Brush girls sell cosmetics.

Here, I have a lipstick

I want you to try.

Oh, what a beautiful shade.

And if you're interested in a

real good cold cream, this is it.

And then after your bath you

dust yourself with this.

Oh what nice texture.

- Oh, fine.

- Good, huh?

A line? Yes, Mr. Simpson.

- I'll take two jars of cold cream, Jane.

- Two jars.

Rocky. Everything is all set,

I found a pigeon.

You sure he won't tumble?

There's not a chance.

He'll be cargo supervisor

tomorrow night and I'll fire

him the day after.

How about your wife?

She might get suspicious of you

having business at midnight.

That's all taken care of too.

I talked her into a little vacation.

She's leaving tonight.

Yes, Mr. Martin?

The Superior Export Company?

I'll look up the number and

call you back. Yes, I will.

Oh! (COUGHING)

Sally! Where are ya?

(COUGHING)

Good Maritime,

Morning Steamship Company.

Hold him, I'll get him.

I mean, get him, I'll hold him.

- (SPARKING)

- (SHOUTING)

Oh, that thing's gonna explode.

Get out of there, Sally!

Oh, water! Water!

Somebody get water!

What's going on here?

Oh no! What are you doing?

- Oh, excuse me...

- Call the fire department!

Yes, water, water.

Well, don't stand there, why

doesn't somebody do something?

(EXPLODING)

(SHOUTING)

- Well that put the fire out.

- And that's right where you're going. Out!

I can explain, Mr. Simpson,

it was just an ah, ah, ah, ah, ah-choo!

Come on, Jane, I'm quitting.

Stop that girl!

(SCREAMING)

Oh no!

Oh no. No.

There's the bus,

let's get outta here.

(SNEEZES)

Spread your germs

in the back of the bus.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Thanks.

(SNEEZES)

Sorry.

(SNEEZING)

Fairview Hills. Yes?

Oh, Miss Elliot.

Mr. Deval, when Mr. Briggs gets

there tell him that... What?

I said he's already been here,

Miss Elliot.

Your $500 down payment

is already in escrow.

You'll be able to move into

your new house within a week.

By then I suppose your name

will be Mrs. Briggs!

My name will be mud,

Mr. Deval.

Can't you see Jane,

all the money we saved is in escrow.

We'll lose it unless we keep

up the monthly payments on the house.

I gotta get a job right away.

Well, I don't know about a job,

but if you're interested

in a position like mine...

Me, a Fuller Brush girl?

Jane, I couldn't sell anything.

That's what I used to think,

but these cosmetics sell themselves.

- I average 80 a week.

- 80? You mean dollars?

- Good for food and house payments.

- Gee. I got an idea

I'd make a great Fuller Brush girl.

Come on!

(LAUGHING)

You understand, Miss Elliot,

that Fuller Brush girls are

in business for themselves.

- Yes, sir.

- We merely act as distributing stations.

However, we're extremely careful whom

we franchise and assign territories to.

Surely.

We check all applicants,

look over their references.

- References?

- From your last employment.

Oh yes, I left in such a hurry

I forgot to get mine.

Didn't I, Jane?

Well, I'll call them.

What's the number?

Oh, you'll call him?

Oh yes, call him right away.

Maritime Steamship Company.

Oh yes, I know Harvey Simpson.

He's a good friend of mine.

Oh, you do? Mine too. You call

him right away. Dumont 7-2161.

Well, Miss Elliot, I'm glad to see

you're a woman who doesn't waste time.

Oh, well I can move pretty

fast when I have to.

(NERVOUS LAUGHING)

(PHONE DIALING)

- OPERATOR: What number are you calling?

- Dumont 7-2161.

There seems to be some trouble on

that line, sir. They don't answer.

- They don't answer.

- Oh, that's all right, Mr. Christy.

You just give me a bag and

I'll start selling right away.

(LAUGHING)

Oh, now you're going too fast

even for me, Miss Elliot.

This is Friday. Suppose we

wait until Monday.

By then I'll have spoken

to Mr. Simpson.

- All right.

- I notice you're wearing our powder.

I can smell the fragrance.

Oh, I love it. Sometimes

I just dump it all over myself.

(LAUGHING)

- Well, see you Monday, Mr. Christy.

- Bye. Thank you, Mr. Christy.

- Harvey.

- HARVEY: Yes, dear.

Hurry, dear, I haven't much

time to catch the train.

I'll be right with you.

I wish you could come up to

the lodge with me, Popsy.

(LAUGHING) So do I, it will be

lonesome here.

Maybe I shouldn't have sent

the servants up ahead.

Oh nonsense,

- I'll make out all right.

- All right, dear.

You're so thoughtful, Harvey,

insisting I take a little vacation.

(LAUGHING)

I just thought it would

do you good, dear.

And do you some good also.

Lovely odor.

What do you mean?

How long did you have to

hold her to get your coat

- smelling like this?

- (LAUGHING) Oh that?

Oh that!

Couldn't wait until I was gone before

you started it, could you? Who is she?

Claire, you're mistaken.

I can explain that.

One of my employees,

the switchboard girl, sneezed

some powder on me.

Ha! You can do better than

that. This is the end, Harvey.

- You've done this once too often.

- Now Claire.

You're going on a little vacation!

While you're there,

see if you can find yourself

another wealthy wife who will turn

over her shipping business to you.

Claire, Claire, I'll get the

girl to tell you herself.

- Uh oh. I fired her.

- You fired her? How convenient.

I know. Briggs, he's engaged to her.

He'll know where she is.

I'll call him right now.

And this will all be

straightened out, my dear.

It better be.

Briggs...

Humphrey, all you have to do is ask

Mr. Simpson to give me a good reference.

Yeah, so it's very easy.

Well, he'll listen to you.

He made you cargo supervisor didn't he?

(PHONE RINGING)

Hello.

- Oh, hello, Mr. Simpson.

- Ask him, ask him now.

Yes, Mr. Simpson.

I want you to get hold

of that idiotic Elliot girl.

Oh, you want to give Sally

her job back?

I should say not!

I just want to see her.

Yes, Mr. Simpson, but I'm not sure

I know where she is.

You know how women are.

Well if you can't find her

tonight you have her at the

- office at 8:30 in the morning.

- 8:30? Yes, sir.

What?

He must want you to pay

for that switchboard.

- You gotta be there at 8:30.

- 8:30?

I almost forgot I've gotta

meet Mary Lou and Dorothy.

We're going to the beach for the weekend.

Now look, Sally, all you have to do

is get a good recommendation

from Mr. Simpson

and you can be a Fuller Brush girl.

Oh, I know, I'll leave my bag with you.

Take it home, study the booklet and

- get familiar with the product.

- I will.

- See you Monday.

- Bye.

Bye Humphrey.

Bye. Get familiar with the product?

What for?

Sally, I can't ask Mr. Simpson

for a reference for you, he'd

probably fire me just for asking.

Humphrey, I'll bet if I was an experienced

Fuller Brush cosmetic dealer,

Mr. Christy wouldn't care whether

I had good references or not.

And I'll bet he would care.

And besides you don't have any experience,

you never sold anything in

your life.

Well, I'm about to sell you

an idea.

- Hey, where you going?

- Home. Bye!

This is Jane's territory here.

Are you sure you can sell

cosmetics?

I can if my feet hold out.

Oh, yeah. Hey, you take the car,

I'll catch a bus to the office.

You don't mind?

No, no, no, no.

But I gotta hurry.

It wouldn't be good

if both of us got fired.

All right, I'll see you later,

and you can help

me carry the order blanks.

(MUSIC PLAYING)

(KNOCKING)

- Good morning, is your wife at home?

- Yes, she's in the kitchen.

Well, I'm Sally Elliot, your

Fuller Brush girl.

Oh, I'm Red Skelton,

your Fuller Brush man.

Won't you come in?

Miss Elliot, thanks for dropping by.

That's the easiest sale I've ever made.

Good day.

(KNOCKING)

(MUSIC PLAYING)

(DOORBELL BUZZING)

Oh, how do you do?

I'm your Fuller Brush girl.

Well, isn't that dandy.

- Won't you come in?

- Oh, thank you.

I know just how it is selling

from door to door.

Three afternoons I earn some extra

money myself doing the same thing.

Oh, really, well I'm sure

you've heard of Debutante cosmetics.

Heard of them? There's a whole article

in Glitter Magazine about them.

- Have you read it?

- Oh no I haven't.

You haven't? My dear,

there's a full page, see.

Oh, how beautiful!

And lots of other articles:

how to improve your personality,

health hints, figure control.

Oh yeah, scads of pictures.

I can't understand a

business girl like yourself

doing without Glitter Magazine.

It's a must, dear, simply a must!

I like it very much.

You'll just love it,

now the subscription's

only ten dollars a year, six months

for five dollars, a 50 percent saving.

- This lipstick...

- What's your name, dear?

- Sally Elliot.

- One 'L'?

- No, two.

- You live near here?

No, I live in town, on 48th Street, 622.

This is my first day selling out here.

- Oh, how wonderful!

- Aren't they beautiful?

You have just $5 even!

I hate making change, don't you?

Uh...

Now, here's your receipt, Miss

Elliot. Thank you very much.

You'll receive your first issue

within a month. Don't worry,

I'll put it in the mail immediately.

Now I hate to rush you like that, but

you know, I've got so much to do.

I have a very, very busy day.

- Now this lipstick has...

- Thank you so much, Miss Elliot. Goodbye.

Thank you!

Is the lady of the house in?

I'm selling magazines.

You're selling? Ha!

I know it's late.

But I can't leave the children,

my regular babysitter couldn't make it.

Besides, she couldn't stand

the children anymore.

Meryl promised to send her babysitter

over but she hasn't arrived yet.

(DOORBELL BUZZING)

Wait, there's someone

at the door. It must be her.

- Good morning, I'm...

- Yes, I know, come right in.

Oh.

Yes, I'll be right over.

- Just make yourself comfortable, dear.

- Oh, thank you.

- I got a sh**ter.

- I do!

Mother's going out, children.

Be good little boys and girls.

We will, we're only burning

her at the stake!

- All right.

- Tie her up good and tight.

- Be a good girl, Sue.

- Yeah.

- The house is yours, my dear.

- Thank you.

- What does she mean the house is mine?

- How do I know?

- Well, where is your mother going?

- Out, where do you think?

Say, you're the dumbest babysitter

I ever saw.

Oh, I am, am I?

- Babysitter? I'm not a babysitter!

- Well, you are now.

Lady! Lady!

Lady! Lady! Lady!

Lady!

(SIGHING)

- SALLY: Where are you?

- In here!

Oh!

Oh, you can't!

(DOORBELL BUZZING)

- SALLY: Help!

- (CHILDREN YELLING)

- SALLY: Somebody! Please! Help!

- (DOORBELL BUZZING)

(SHOUTING)

(SCREAMING)

(SHOUTING)

(SCREAMING)

- (SHOUTING)

- Somebody help!

- Are you sure you're all right?

- Thanks to you,

you interrupted the

barbecue just in time.

Well, I've been a babysitter

for a long time,

but these kids are the worst.

Well, you won't have any

trouble with them now.

(MUFFLED SOUNDS)

(DOORBELL BUZZING)

How do you do, madam, I'm the cosmetic

dealer for the Fuller Brush company.

- I'm sorry, I don't need anything.

- Are you sure you don't need

some cold cream, lipstick, powder,

cold wave home permanent?

I'm afraid not.

- Did you say home permanent?

- Yes, Debutante cold wave home permanent.

Come right in, young lady, come in.

I could have my hair done here and

won't have to break up the game.

Could you give me

a home permanent?

Well, uh, not personally, but

I could show you how.

It's very simple, I have one

myself. Did it last night.

If I could look that good

I'd be satisfied.

- Oh, thank you.

- I could do it, I'm dummy.

- Excellent idea. I'll have one too.

- I will too.

Think of the time we can save.

Why, we can play bridge all afternoon.

And now if you'll just show me

how to do it.

Oh there's nothing to...

(expl*si*n)

(CAT SQUEALING)

- Henry!

- Yes, ma.

Henry, I thought I told you to

not play with that chemical set.

If he hadn't smelled up the whole house

this morning trying to make poison gas

- we could have played inside.

- I quit making that.

I'm working on a genuine

spot remover.

Oh, all right, Henry,

but do be quiet.

Okay, ma.

- You know how children are.

- I'm learning.

So you can see how urgent

it is for you to find Sally.

You're sort of on the spot

aren't ya, Mr. Simpson.

- Yes and it's all on account of that...

- Ah ah!

- ...that lovely girl.

- That's better.

- So will you please...

- Mr. Simpson. About my office.

I want a place, a little more

dignified than this one here.

All right, all right,

anything you want!

- (WHEEZING) It's a deal.

- Good.

- I'll get Sally.

- Fine.

Of course, this will have to

take a little time, you know.

It's a long way to walk.

- Here, take a cab.

- Thanks.

Take two of 'em.

(WHEEZING)

Thanks.

Hey, pull up in front

of that car.

- There, see how easy it is?

- It certainly is.

Now we're ready for the

cream wave lotion.

- How you doing, son?

- Not so good.

- What are you doing here?

- Now you gotta do what I say.

Hey, mom, I'm going over to

George's house. I'll be right back.

All right dear, be a good boy.

So now we can

afford the payments.

(WHISPERING)

And you won't have to work anymore.

We'll get married, you can stay home

and listen to the patter of the little feet.

No thanks, no patter

of little feet for me.

What do you mean?

Oh, it's a long story.

What's Mrs. Simpson's address again?

414 Green Leaf Road.

414 Green Leaf Road. All right,

I'll go soon as I finish here.

Tell her how you sneezed

the powder on her husband.

Okay.

Kissing spreads germs.

See what I mean by the

patter of little feet?

I'll see you... later.

- Uh, who's done enough?

- I am.

Okay.

Now, this is the cream

wave lotion.

Now, you take a piece of

cotton and saturate each curl.

- Now wait till I get the towel on.

- Oh, me?

Yep. They you are,

lean way over now.

Now saturate it,

get right down to the roots.

Ooh. Oh!

(CHUCKLES)

Over here.

Saturate every curl.

There! That didn't

take very long, did it?

No!

You hardly disturbed our game.

Well, that's all there is to it.

I'll be running along now.

You won't forget to deliver

our orders?

Oh no, I have them all

written down.

Well, we certainly appreciate

all your trouble, Miss Elliot.

Well, I was very happy to do it.

And I know your hair

is gonna come out just fine.

- Good bye.

- ALL: Good bye!

- I sold four home permanents!

- Oh yeah? Good.

Hey, you can keep the car,

I've got this taxi waiting.

Taxi? Oh, Humphrey,

do you think you should?

Oh, Mr. Simpson insisted.

Oh!

- Now let's see, where were we?

- Well, you need 60 to make game.

This home permanent is a

wonderful idea, isn't it?

Yes, think of the money

you can save.

WOMAN 1: The best part of it

is you can do it at home.

That's what I like.

WOMAN 2: Yes dear, while

you're enjoying your television.

WOMAN 3: Right you are.

- What is this?

- Gracie, your hair!

What do you mean?

- Annabel, you're balding.

- You're all getting bald.

It's alive!

(CAT MEOWING)

(ALL SCREAMING)

(SCREAMING)

Oh, that girl! That girl!

(SCREAMING)

Oh, you dropped something, lady.

(SCREAMING)

Police! Please

come right away!

- We've been scalped!

- Oh...

As I understand it, Mrs. Simpson, you

wish me to have your husband removed from

the control of the

Maritime Steamship Company.

Exactly.

And I want it done today.

I can't understand why there

should be a deficit of

- $100,000.

- I'm sure it will all be cleared up.

It better be. I want an outside accountant

in to check our books thoroughly.

I'll take care of everything.

There's no need for you

to postpone your vacation.

I'm staying until I find out

what Harvey's been up to.

- Very well, Mrs. Simpson. Good day.

- Good day, Mr. Watkins.

(PHONE RINGING)

Hello.

I expected you to call

before and apologize.

Sally Elliot told you what

happened didn't she?

What? Hasn't that stupid

redhead been there yet?

The only person who's been here has

been my attorney. His hair isn't red.

Listen, Claire.

She's on her way there.

Claire? Claire?

Claire!

Briggs, I'll m*rder that Briggs!

- Rocky?

- Yeah boss.

Get hold of Ruby and tell her

I want her to go out to my house.

But, Inspector, there must be

some mistake.

Fuller Brush home permanent has been

used successfully by thousands of women.

Calm yourself, Mr. Christy.

One of these women called

claiming she was scalped.

Scalping comes under homicide,

that's why I'm here.

They should have called

their lawyers.

Say, what's in this cream

wave lotion?

If I remember my chemistry

classes it smells like...

(SNIFFING) ...chlorine.

Chlorine?

I'll have you know the ingredients in

our home permanents are the finest

obtainable, Inspector.

We do not use chlorine.

Ah, I mixed some of that

stuff in my chemical set.

- It ain't so hard.

- I beg your pardon, young man!

I repeat that our ingredients

are the fine...

Hold it, Mr. Christy.

- You use that chemical set much, son?

- Yeah.

I poured some of that

stuff in my test tubes.

Then what did you do with it?

Wasn't any good.

So I dumped it back in this dish.

- In this dish?

- Sure.

Then it was your mixture that

was put on their hair.

You mean the terbium-silicon

selenium-sodium-phosphate

calcium-chlorine-iridium-

potassium-lithium-magnesium-

polonium-thorium-bismut-

h-fluorine-iodine-indium-

thallium-mercury-bromine-palladium

and sulfur was put on my mother's hair?

No wonder she's bald!

Why didn't you tell Miss Bixby

what you'd done?

Bixby? Her name wasn't Bixby!

It was Elliot.

Elliot? It can't be.

The girl in this territory is...

Elliot...

Was she a tall girl

with red hair?

That's her.

Inspector.

MAN (FRENCH ACCENT): And now that

you have practically finished

your course in the French language,

you must learn to understand it

when spoken rapidly.

For instance...

(SPEAKING FRENCH)

(DOORBELL RINGING)

(RECORD SCRATCHING)

- Mrs. Simpson?

- Yes?

- I'm Sally Elliot.

- Sally Elliot?

- Come in, and sit down.

- Thank you.

I came here to explain what

happened at the office yesterday.

Hi! Just dropped in to see if you'd

ordered work started on my new office.

Your office, I'll give you an office six

feet long and six feet deep in the ground!

Well now, now, now, you wouldn't

want me to cancel Sally's trip

out to your house, would ya?

You cancel it?

She hasn't been there!

She hasn't?

How would you like to

wear this for a hat?

(SHOUTING)

Maritime Steamship Company...

(SCREAMING)

- (SPARKING)

- (SCREAMING)

(GLASS BREAKING)

(DOORBELL RINGING)

(DOORBELL RINGING)

SALLY: Mrs. Simpson!

Anybody home?

SALLY: Mrs. Simpson.

Oh!

(DOORBELL RINGING)

Hello?

Mrs. Simpson?

(SHOUTING)

Oper...

(SPEAKING QUIETLY)

Operator, get me the police department.

Police department.

What?

Humphrey Briggs?

I want that girl arrested.

She isn't a Fuller Brush girl.

(PHONE RINGING)

Hello? Inspector Rodgers?

He's right here.

Rodgers speaking.

What? Who?

Humphrey Briggs?

414 Green Leaf Road.

We're on our way

414? That's where the

Fuller Brush girl went.

Who?

I heard a guy named Humphrey tell her

to go there after she finished up here.

- What's wrong, Inspector?

- Looks like m*rder.

- Did the Fuller Brush girl m*rder someone?

- Stop saying that!

She's not a Fuller Brush girl!

Inspector, Inspector.

(WHISTLING BRIEFLY)

(POLICE SIRENS WAILING)

(SALLY MOANING)

Sally. Sally!

- What happened?

- Oh, Humphrey. Mrs. Simpson hit me.

- Mrs. Simpson?

- I tried to stop her.

- You fought with her? Oh, Sally...

- I guess so. I don't remember.

Sally. You must have. Look,

please don't point that at...

(SCREAMING)

Hide behind here.

We gotta make those cops

think there's somebody here

so we have a chance to get away.

(SIRENS WAILING)

(FRENCH LESSON PLAYING)

RADIO: This ends our English

broadcast from Tijuana, Mexico.

The balance of our program will come

to you in the Spanish language.

(SPEAKING SPANISH)

Out the back door, quick!

(DOORBELL RINGING)

That's funny, I can hear

people talking in there.

Yeah, sounds like a bunch

of foreigners.

- Take a look.

- Right.

(SIRENS WAILING)

- Where are we going?

- Shh, quiet. There's another load of cops.

What are we running away for?

Inspector, there's a woman in

there lying on the floor.

Get around the back.

Come on, over the fence, hurry.

Not until I know what we're

running away for.

Sally, please I'll tell you

later. There's no time now.

I'm going back there,

Simpson's wife isn't gonna get away

with socking me around!

- I'll tell her a thing or two.

- You did, come on.

I didn't do a thing, she hit me.

Sally, I know it was an accident, but

it'll look bad to the police. Come on.

When I get through with her

she'll look plenty bad.

She does, she's dead.

I found her, I didn't even

know you were in there.

Dead? Who k*lled her?

I don't know. Come on let's

get outta here.

Humphrey, you think I did it

don't you?

No, of course I don't, Sally.

Look, it may have been

an accident, but I know you

- didn't do it on purpose.

- INSPECTOR: You men search the grounds.

No wait, you first.

Oh, Humphrey!

Humphrey!

Humphrey!

(SALLY SCREAMING)

Humphrey!

Mm-hm.

Well, I can't be certain until we take

photographs and blow them up, Inspector.

But I'm sure they'll prove the

finger prints on these jars

and those on the g*n are the

same.

- Get busy on the photographs.

- Right.

Now, tell me what you know about

this Fuller Brush girl, Mr. Christy.

I told you, Inspector, Miss Elliot

is not a Fuller Brush girl.

Sorry, this girl was selling

Fuller Brush cosmetics.

Can't the name of my company be left

out of this entirely, Inspector?

Not entirely, Mr. Christy.

First this girl pops up posing

as a Fuller Brush girl

and those four women get

their hair shortened.

But the little boy told us...

He also told us she was

coming to this address,

and those jars prove she's

been here.

They've gone right by.

We're safe for a while.

Yeah, home at last in our own

little house. Just you and me,

hiding from the cops.

Someday, Humphrey, our little

house will be famous.

"And right over there folks,

in that cute little cottage,

"that's the hideout of

Two g*n Sal."

No, no, no, don't say that.

Oh I'm sorry, I forgot,

it was only one g*n, wasn't it?

Now listen to me.

We're gonna get out of this.

There's one good thing.

We aren't married yet.

I'll never bring any shame to

your name, Humphrey.

Oh, Sally. Sally I'll always

wanna marry you.

I wanted to marry you the

first time I ever saw you.

You remember at the church

sociable when we met?

We were both six years

old, remember?

Yeah, I remember. I hadn't

k*lled anyone yet.

No, not yet... Now, cut

it out!

After all, if somebody tried to hit me

with a g*n I'd fight back too.

It was an accident,

the g*n just went off.

Oh Sally. When I think you

might have been shot.

Oh, I wouldn't wanna

live without you.

You'll come and see me every

visiting day won't you, Humphrey?

No, I won't come to see you

because you're not going to jail.

Now, we're gonna get out of this.

I'm sure we can prove it was self defense.

There's only one thing we have to

worry about. We gotta make sure

that Mr. Simpson tells the police

that he sent you to see his wife.

You see, that will give you a

reason for being at her house.

Now, we'll go see Mr. Simpson,

make sure that he backs us up,

then we'll call the police,

tell them everything that's happened.

That car out front is registered

to Humphrey Briggs, Inspector.

You take care of things here,

wait for the coroner.

Come on, we're gonna

see Mr. Simpson.

Hey, the light's still on in Simpson's

office. I'll go up and see him.

No.

You wait over here.

I'm afraid. I wanna

go with you.

He'll probably m*rder the both

of us if he even sees you.

Bye.

Simpson's wife in a

burlesque show?

No.

Oh, is that you, Mr. Simpson?

Hey, who are you?

Hey, what are you doing up here?

Hey you can't do that!

(g*n SHOT)

Oh!

Oh, Mr. Simpson!

I didn't see you for a...

A fellow shot at me, he shot my...

Hey, Mr. Simpson, wake...

Mr. Simpson?

Oh...

Humphrey!

Humphrey.

Humphrey!

Humphrey, darling.

Sweetheart.

(HUMPHREY MOANING)

Oh! Humphrey!

Humphrey.

Speak to me.

Humphrey! Speak to me.

Say something.

Those were b*llet holes.

Humphrey.

Water.

Humphrey. Are you all right?

How do you feel?

Let me have it...

(SNEEZES)

- (SALLY GASPS)

- Not that way.

Oh, Mr. Simpson.

Oh, Mr. Simpson, I forgot.

Is he dead?

He must be,

that man must have shot him.

What man?

I don't know, when I came up there

was a man coming out of this office.

Let's get out of here before I

get blamed for this too.

Humphrey, look. Mr. Simpson

was writing something.

- What is it? Who's Claire?

- That's his wife's name.

- That's his wife?

- Yeah come on let's get outta here.

Humphrey, wait. That is isn't

the woman who hit me.

Of course it is, that's

Mrs. Simpson.

No, the woman I saw was dark,

she wore glasses, she didn't look like that.

- You sure?

- Of course.

If that's his wife then it must have

been someone else at the house.

I know it wasn't her.

But it was Mrs. Simpson

I found dead on the floor.

Humphrey, the poster,

that's who it was!

Hey, where are you going?

Get away from the window!

What are you doing?

It's her Humphrey. It's her!

Her? Who's her?

See that burlesque

poster down there?

- Uh huh.

- That's the woman I thought was Mrs. Simpson.

No, you said she wore glasses.

That's why I wasn't sure, but now

I am. Look right through there.

That's her, Humphrey, that's

the woman I saw in the Simpson house.

She must have k*lled

Mrs. Simpson.

Well, at least she knows

something. She was there.

Oh, Humphrey, that means I didn't

k*ll Mrs. Simpson, I couldn't have,

I never even saw her.

Oh, everything's all right.

- I knew you couldn't k*ll anybody.

- (SIRENS WAILING)

Okay, now we've got to

get down...

(SIRENS WAILING)

Police. We'll tell them.

Oh, wait. How we are gonna

explain Mr. Simpson in there?

Oh we'll just tell them about

the man who took a shot at me.

But you don't know who he is.

Humphrey, we'd better get that hoochie cooch

dancer to tell us how she's mixed up in

this before the police pick us up.

If she was involved with Mrs. Simpson,

she might know something about

Mr. Simpson's m*rder.

- Come on.

- No, no. Not that way. Over the roof.

The next roof, it's an apartment house,

we can get down to the street.

Not so fast.

Put up your hands.

Who are you? Oh, Mr. Watkins.

- What are you doing up here?

- I live over there.

When I heard the sirens, I started over

the roof and saw you two running out.

You're wanted for

murdering the Simpsons.

Oh no, Mr. Watkins, we didn't do it.

But we think we know who did.

Yeah, it was a dancer named

Ruby Rawlings.

She had something to do with

Mrs. Simpson's k*lling.

Yeah, and a strange man who took a shot

at me must have k*lled Mr. Simpson.

You can tell the police all about it.

Start moving.

Wait, Mr. Watkins.

If you take us down to the police now we may

never have a chance to prove our innocence.

Please believe us. Look, come down

to the burlesque show with us.

And see the man that took a shot

at you dancing I suppose, huh?

Uh, but it's true, look, uh...

See the b*llet hole?

Right there.

WOMAN ON TELEVISION:

Fashion designers entertain society

with early showings of the

latest in neck pieces.

Notice the lovely fur my

lady is wearing.

It completely transforms her

into...

MAN 1 ON TELEVISION: A South

African gorilla,

a ferocious man k*ller.

These creatures have no tails,

but their legs...

WOMAN: ...are lovely and will attract

attention from men everywhere.

MAN 2: Now after adding the whites

of eggs, and corn starch...

He's wonderful. I always

follow his recipes.

You add a pinch of...

MAN 3: ...city garbage.

If you want to keep your city clean,

put all your garbage...

...into the bowl and serve it

to the man of the house.

No wonder I've got indigestion.

There, that ought to keep him

quiet for a while.

Long enough to see Ruby.

Let's get out of here.

- How are they coming?

- Looks the same as the others, Inspector.

- The Fuller Brush girl?

- They're hers.

Call all cars to be on the alert.

Get a description over the radio.

Cover where she lives and get a picture

of her for the newspapers.

Get going, this is a m*ssacre!

(BURLESQUE DANCERS SINGING)

See her?

No, but when she comes

on I'll go back stage.

I'll wait and get her alone in

her dressing room.

(AUDIENCE CLAPPING)

(KNOCKING)

- Are you decent, Ruby?

- Yes, Bangs, come in.

What do you want?

Look, you gotta change your mind.

You can't quit.

The whole show is

built around ya.

Look, Bangs, I told you,

I've got another girl to take my place.

Oh, Lady Godiva couldn't

take your place.

- They want you.

- Well they're out of luck,

because I'm going on

for the last time.

I hope your friend gets here

for the second show.

Oh, she will.

- (APPLAUSE)

- (BURLESQUE MUSIC)

* Put the blame on Mame, boys

* Put the blame on Mame

* One night she started

to shim and shake

* That brought on the 'Frisco

quake

* So you can put the blame on

Mame, boys

* Put the blame on Mame

* When Mrs. O'Leary's

cow kicked the lantern

* In Chicago town

* They say that started the fire

* That burned Chicago down

* That's the story that went

around

* Here's the real low down

* Put the blame on Mame, boys

* Put the blame on Mame

- That's her!

- Shh.

* That kiss burned Chicago down

* So you can put the blame on

Mame... *

I'm going back.

You stay here because if there's

any trouble she might try to leap

over that runway.

Sally Elliot? I wouldn't want

to run into her.

Two murders in one day.

But the police will find her.

They got a good description of her.

The papers say she's tall,

and good looking.

I'm gonna give all the good

lookers the once over.

DOORMAN: There's a reward

if you see her.

MAN: Oh it ain't hard to

spot a red headed girl.

I'll be back with the

rest of them.

Look, if some girl shows up

around here looking for Ruby,

call me right away, will ya?

- Okay.

- Thanks.

- Hi ya, sister.

- Hi...

...Pop.

I wanna see the manager.

Is he around?

Pop?

Yeah. He's around.

I'll call him.

You wanna see me?

- Came to see ya about a job.

- Hey you the gal Ruby sent for?

- Ruby sent for me?

- To take her place.

Yeah, you'll do.

Honey, if you can dance as good as you

look they'll never miss Ruby. Come on in.

Good luck.

Thanks...

Father.

You'll have to get

ready right away.

- Ready?

- Yeah. I'll put you on after Ruby.

We'll see how you go over.

Now get your clothes off.

Hurry up.

Come on, snap into it.

Let's go. That's it.

(KNOCKING)

(AUDIENCE CLAPPING)

Your friend got here.

She looks okay.

I told you so.

Now I can blow.

(PHONE DIALING)

- Rocky, I just finished.

- We'll be right over.

Relax, baby, you sound nervous.

Nervous? Of course I'm

nervous.

Look, what if that girl that

saw me goes to the cops.

All I want to do is get on that

ship before anything happens.

Now what time does it dock?

Midnight?

Okay. I'll be waiting.

Oh! Ah!

(SCREAMING)

Sorry, glamor girl, your sailing

trip has been postponed...

Help!

(SCREAMING)

...until you talk to the

police.

(MUFFLED SCREAMING)

(KNOCKING)

Did you see a strange looking dame around?

Tall with long heavy eyelashes?

I ain't seen her.

I'll bet you haven't had so

many clothes on in a long time.

(MUFFLED CRYING)

Who is it?

What are you doing in there?

I told you to get ready.

BANGS: Come on, step on it.

Step on it. You're on!

I was talking to Ruby,

I'll be right with you.

Okay, get going,

you've only got two minutes.

Don't worry.

- Oh, is there a phone around here?

- Right there.

Operator, get me the police

department, quickly.

(PHONE RINGING)

Rodgers speaking.

Who?

Sally Elliot?

Put her on.

I'm at the Gaiety Burlesque Theater.

I think I know who k*lled Mrs. Simpson.

I know who k*lled her too.

You stay right there.

Oh, it wasn't me inspector.

It was Ruby Rawlings.

The other side, quick.

- Oh!

- (AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

- Sally!

- (AUDIENCE CLAPPING)

(TEARING)

(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

(SCREAMING)

(AUDIENCE CLAPPING)

(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

Say, she's terrific. I'm going

to sign her up.

Hey, look at the shape on that

babe, she's terrific.

She's my girl, I'm gonna

marry her.

- Ah, let her keep working.

- She don't work at this!

Man, that's not work, that's

talent. Real talent!

- (AUDIENCE CLAPPING)

- Sally, Sally. Get off the stage.

Sit down. You ain't

married yet.

Humphrey, let's get outta here!

Come on, let's go

round the front.

- Watkins.

- What happened, Rocky?

That Elliot dame

called the cops.

You fellows get down to the pier.

I'll take care of Miss Elliot.

Why did you take your

clothes off back there?

I'll tell you later, we gotta

get to the police station.

The police will arrest you

for indecent exposure.

That's better than m*rder.

Get into one of these things,

come on, don't waste any time.

- And take that ugly face off.

- All right, turn your back.

Now you're getting modest.

- Let's catch a cab.

- Hey, Briggs!

- (HORN HONKING)

- Hey, Briggs!

Oh, Watkins! Let's go.

Wait. He wanted to take us to

the police station before.

Let him take us,

we got proof now.

Alright. We'll save cab fare.

Mr. Watkins, will you take us

to the police station?

Hop in.

(SIRENS WAILING)

- What's going on?

- You'll find out.

And then Ruby called someone

named Rocky and

said something about

leaving on a ship.

A ship that docks at midnight.

- Docks at midnight?

- Uh huh.

There's only one ship comes in

at that time That's The Clairess,

one of the Maritime ships.

I was supposed to check cargo on her.

The Clairess.

Humphrey, maybe Mr. Simpson meant the

ship and not his wife when he wrote on

that piece of paper.

Maybe there's something going

on on that ship that he was

- trying to tell.

- I think you're right, Miss Elliot.

We'd better get to the ship.

If Ruby k*lled Mrs. Simpson,

who k*lled Mr. Simpson?

- Oh yeah, it's gotta be connected somehow.

- Let's see now.

We found Mr. Simpson dead.

Then we ran up on the roof

to get away from the police.

That's when we ran into

you, Mr. Watkins.

Yeah, we were afraid you were

gonna turn us over to the cops.

Yeah, when you said we were

wanted for murdering the Simpsons...

Oh no, Mr. Watkins didn't say

"the" Simpsons.

Nobody knew Mr. Simpson was dead

except us and the m*rder*r.

Oh.

That's right.

Uh, Humphrey.

You know, this night air is very bad

for me, you better take me home.

No, we gotta be here when

the ship arrives.

Well, Mr. Watkins can take care of that.

Come on dear.

Don't go away, Miss Elliot.

The night air won't bother

you much longer.

Sally was right. You did say

"the Simpsons".

You k*lled Mr. Simpson!

- Watkins k*lled Mrs. Simpson too.

- Keep talking.

Well, Watkins, Mr. Simpson and Rocky were

using The Clairess to smuggle diamonds in.

Rocky sent me to pretend I was the girl

that sneezed the powder on Mr. Simpson.

Mrs. Simpson knew the girl was

a redhead and she got wise to me.

She knew something was up and

Watkins came back to the house and

he shot her. He left first.

I was just about to leave when

that dame walked in on me and

I had to slug her.

Why did Watkins k*ll Simpson?

Well, when Mr. Simpson found

out his wife had been k*lled,

he was gonna spill everything

to the cops.

Take care of her.

Come on, Pier 48.

(SIREN WAILING)

The ship should be here.

You fellas lookin'

for somethin'?

- This is where The Clairess docks isn't it?

- Yeah. She sailed about twenty

minutes ago. Just docked long

enough to pick up two passengers.

- A gal and a young fella.

- Get going. Harbor police.

Humphrey! Humphrey!

Wake up. Wake up.

- Humphrey, wake up! Ah!

- Watkins, now I've got you...

Ah! Ah! Humphrey, it's Sally,

not Watkins.

Oh, Sally, I'm sorry.

What happened?

Watkins hit you. We're on a

ship, we're going out to sea.

- What?

- (BANGING)

Oh! Humphrey! Humphrey!

We couldn't stay in port.

The police would have been there before

we could have unloaded the stuff.

This way we'll take it off in a small boat

and land it along the coast.

You head back to port, police will

search the ship and find nothing.

- What about our passengers?

- Could be, uh...

...could be

accidental drowning.

Wait a little longer the outgoing

tide will take care of them.

They might never be found.

How we gonna get outta here?

- What are you doing?

- These will reach to the porthole below.

- What's down there?

- Cargo from South America.

Oh fine, we can hide among

the rumba dancers.

Oh, stop it.

From there I can get to the wireless room.

If I can send a message

we'll get help.

Start tearing the mattress apart

and tie these springs together.

How much longer? I've got to get back

in case the police want to question me.

This ought to do it.

Rocky, come on.

Oh, do you think those

springs will hold?

We've gotta take that chance.

Give me the chair.

They're up on deck.

Help! Help me!

Don't let go. Hang on.

Don't let go, Sally.

SALLY: Help!

There they are, up there!

(SALLY MOANING)

Cut them down.

Hey, look.

Humphrey. My hands

are k*lling me.

- I can't hold on much longer.

- You've got to.

Oh! Humphrey!

I'm falling!

(SHOUTING)

Grab my hand.

(TEARING)

Help! Help!

(SCREAMING)

(TEARING)

(TEARING)

SALLY: Help!

- They're in the funnel.

- That takes care of them.

Yeah.

Don't make any noise, they will

think we fell into the boiler.

- You look like you did.

- We got more troubles than the way I look.

Come on, let's get out of here.

(SHIP'S WHISTLE SOUNDING)

Sally, this is no place for

a steam bath. Get going!

- Hey, stop it.

- I can't my foot is caught.

(SHIP'S WHISTLE SOUNDING)

- What are you blowing that whistle for?

- I'm not blowing it.

(SHIP'S WHISTLE SOUNDING)

Hey, they're up on the funnel

ladder! Go get 'em!

That looks like The Clairess.

See?

Mm hm.

How long will it take

us to catch it?

She's making pretty good time.

About 20 minutes, I'd say.

Hey, come on, jump!

Go get 'em!

Don't come another step or

I'll let ya have it.

I warned ya!

Give 'em the works.

Oh! Help me!

Woo, woo, woo!

Help! Humphrey!

(SCREAMING)

Help!

No!

Hey, stop it, you're

making me dizzy.

Where am I? I'm seasick.

I'd like to go home now.

- How much longer?

- Oh, few minutes.

But we might lose her.

She's running into a fog.

Let me see.

- Hey can you bowl?

- No.

Start learning.

(SOUND OF BOWLING)

(SHOUTING)

Look out!

PARROT: Buenas noches, senor and senorita.

Lovely evening isn't it?

You'd better get an interpreter.

Where can we hide?

Those guys will be in here after us.

Hop on the sacks.

Each of you take a door.

PARROT: Buenas noches, senor.

You'd better get an interpreter.

PARROT: Where can we hide?

Those guys will be in here after us.

Hop on the sacks.

(PARROT SOUNDS)

Thanks.

PARROT: Thanks.

You're welcome, senor.

We're cooked. He'll be back

with the others.

I'd like to strangle

those birds.

Hey, wait, I got an idea.

- Hey, Polly!

- Si, senorita?

- What are you gonna do?

- Shh!

You big dope, they went out

the door when you left!

You big dope, they went out

the door when you left!

(PARROT SOUNDS)

They're up there. Them

boys told me.

You big dope, they went out

the door when you left.

Why didn't you stay in here?

PARROT: Why didn't you stay

in here?

Thanks. Boy, we really fooled 'em.

They thought we weren't in here.

Thanks. Oh boy, we

really fooled 'em. (LAUGHING)

Let's get out of here.

- They thought we weren't in here.

- Shh! Not so loud.

PARROT: Shh! Not so loud.

- They're still in here.

- They're still in here.

(LAUGHING)

Yeah. Them dopey boys

gave them away.

Yeah. Them dopey boys gave them away.

We're traveling in the best circles.

Up on those sacks.

(PARROT LAUGHING)

Uh oh.

SALLY: Shh, shh, shh.

(PARROT LAUGHING)

There they go!

Help! We hit a rock!

Man the lifeboats.

Women and parrots first!

They gotta be in here someplace.

(CRACKING)

* Yes, we have no bananas!

Can't we go any faster?

Not in this fog,

you can't see a thing.

You'll see plenty if anything

happens to that barrel of dynamite.

Dynamite?

Ruby told us the diamonds

were in the barrel

as part of a wine shipment.

Watkins doesn't trust his friends.

He's the only one who can open

it without it exploding.

- Pretty special barrel, eh?

- Yeah. It has a white star painted on it.

Hey, come on up on the barrels.

Get up to the cargo hold.

Sally!

Oh... oh.

- Sally! Sally are you hurt?

- I lost my shoe.

Oh, there it is.

They might be in here.

(WHISPERING)

Put your hand over that leak,

they might hear it.

I didn't see anybody come

in here.

We'll take a look anyway

over there.

- (CRASHING)

- What?

- Did you see 'em?

- No, a sack fell on me.

Shh. Quiet.

Shh!

Shh!

Come on, they're not in here.

(SALLY HICCUPING)

(HICCUPING)

(HICCUPING)

Take your hands off me!

Let me at 'em. Who's afraid of

'em?

I'll fight the first guy that comes

at me. I'll beat him to a pulp!

Easy.

SALLY: I'll show you who's

boss around here.

If the fuse in that barrel is tripped,

she'll blow us right out of the ocean.

Well, what are you stopping

for? You yellow or something?

Come on, I can lick any man

in the house! Come on!

Clear the decks, boys, I want at ya.

Action, that's what I want!

I'll fight any man my weight.

Bring on the whole crew, when I get

through, they'll all be bow legged!

Look out!

Come on, you big cowards.

Come on, put up your dukes!

Try and fool around with

me, will ya?

(SHOUTING)

No! No!

Scaredy-cat, scaredy-cat!

Blah, blah, blah, blah!

SALLY: Scaredy-cat!

Scaredy-cat! Scaredy-cat!

Let's get off of this tub.

- Whoa, the boat's rocking.

- Is it? I didn't feel anything.

You must have been drinkin'

or somethin'.

(SPLASHING)

Come on back here, you sissies!

I guess I scared 'em away.

- You sure did!

- (HICCUPING)

- HUMPHREY: Hey!

- SALLY: What?

- Here comes a police boat!

- Yoohoo! Police!

We'll be off of here soon.

Nothing can happen to us now!

Nothing!

Whenever I kiss you I

think I hear noises.

Me too.

Whenever I kiss you I

think I hear noises.

Me too.