04x03 - A Gift from Fidel

[bunniefuu]

gentlemen welcome to havana gary tumble senior management officer

i'm prescott johns i've been assigned to you so you work with heather i don't think i know heather heather

called ophelia ortiz which is class you know beautiful talented way out of

my league what's your problem what's your problem the promise this ridiculous city wishing you

between you and me you're gonna have to be in charge okay no problem something's in the pipeline it's

gonna take a little cunning on your part and some nerve but let's remember this is the real reason you're here

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[Music] presents for the family there you are i

thought you said 12 o'clock yeah a little trouble getting out of bed this morning who's

cars mr throw that way don't you and you can just slip away otherwise you

had to make coffee and conversation a long time since i had those problems

you seem a little joyless this morning well i'm never better when i get the call to meet you

what you forget is i never volunteered for this press g*ng into it otherwise the other

lads who never got the job here can you never tell us what's going on

we're always just drip feeding this information usually about your sex life i have something for you oh god really

don't worry it won't involve computer hacking poisoning the water supply or assassination so what will it involve getting to know

someone keep saturday night free hey well that's something easy it's last night oh it's saturday if i'm

not there then all falls apart does it well i'll be conspicuous by me absence

you already think i'm behaving odd you might have to invent an affair right they already think i'm having one

who would bouncy lass at the embassy that would do the world of good she's

one of those girls who's always falling in love with the wrong guy they have an affair and then off he goes back to the wife and

ah well my wife's back in newcastle so you can forget that suit yourself so saturday

meet me here 6 30. boxing yeah olympic trials very good seats

[Music] i think the rest of your chats show up i

thought they'd be up for this free booze and bangers oh i'm sure they'll be long later or someone went fishing you see

a neville i've never seen a wear nevertheless these days barry's at the booth fair oh we might be

interested in our book club we'll read the same book and then meet and discuss it what are you reading at the moment

yeah bobby robson's biography they gotta grab the members i just don't

wonder charles banger very different to the

social life down shepherd's bush a little bit different from motherwell too so what do you do for kids

kits well zmc football team there's tennis who's not too hot when i i joined a snuggling club oh yeah

how does that work then you all get together and snorkel quite like to try that

so um do you wear a wetsuit yeah why how about you look quite tasty or

slippery and wet i'll put your name that's right i can just see you in flippers

[Laughter] and it's going well outside the boys are okay about you filling trasker's shoes

no problem there hg has received a gift from the man

himself they'll be here oh figure yeah it's a sort of housewarming present for the new

residents it's a bath both it's got about history

it belonged to the last spanish governor of cuba in 1896. a strange gift on it it's a very large

bath feed healthy might appreciate it there's a bug in approval don't think we won't look for one the

thing is we wondered if you and the guys might pick it up it's not a tobacco plantation

in the country don't say why not we haven't been able to sit here great it's quite valuable i'd feel much

happier if it was our team handled it so noble hey

let me feed you thanks very much smells great beer or some rather nasty white wine

it's fine thanks so is this like a regular do every thursday

of the month counterfeit lectures every other week embassy wise lunch every tuesday we're very predictable i'm

afraid there's also drama society they're auditioning soon

can i put you down for that well i'm not very good at that

acting's not really something i've had very much experience on

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tiny mouth pier you are that was the last time i had a fishing

rod in my hand oh freezing my bollocks off the mouth of the time

and now the malecon in havana oh amazing two right

well we're nomads aren't we ruthless and restless born under a

wandering star not sure obama wants to wonder much anymore

i miss he's laying in the boy too much i know what you mean what do you mean

you know what he means what do you mean who do you miss

[Music] well my son were one oh yeah

missed a lot of him growing up unfortunately that included the moment

he started putting his key in the back door so to speak

no one else though nope but if you've got someone like b*mber

hearts you'd be less inclined to want to trip shadows all the way around the planet wouldn't you

i don't get it i thought that was the whole attraction people changed boxing even us

don't want us to change do you want to change us

too late now i've got one i've got one

one more than i ever got in jail it in there no no no no please please let me down ready yeah please oh man oh my god

yeah yeah you have did you see it look oh

are you having a laugh you caught this well it didn't work what sort of fish is

it well how would i know they didn't come out to see with the label on them

so what did you use for baiting we went to this shop where we rented the roads and they gave us a tin with beer in it

so what's spanish for baitling beetle should have been there

quite a crowd gathered as soon as i snagged it i knew it was a monster must have took on his what have you had

i landed oh london you lost track of time it was an epic contest

man against fish and it's not just about brute strength you know you know oh no no you need guillem cunning

you've got to play the boogers and he played it like stradivarius on

the ukulele then when i eventually landed it i just sat there

flapping the wood on the sea wall

when we looked at each other were the adversaries i was going to hold

back in but the crowd wouldn't let him no no they wanted to send it to the museum of

fish

that's amazing guys it really is

do you think that's enough for seven or uh should we bought another one

ah i knew you was lying so have you thought over anything we

talked about last time i thought about nothing else now what i

mean is have you come to any conclusions formulated any strategies

i'm paralyzed with dopamine paralyzed

obviously terrified of rejection we've all been there but you're not going to find any peace

of mind until you choose a path and stick to it ah

meaning i've either got to walk away from this now or else make me move i get it because if

i don't i'm gonna regret it i'm gonna be haunted by it honor for the rest of my days

yeah am i boring you what you just did a great big yawn there no i

didn't yes you did i just watched you or whoo no no i was just trying to get a phone out of me too from that bloody fish

yeah well i shouldn't really be keeping you pure look i'm here for you was but you got to make your own choices

i have to ask out that's right i mean what's the worst that's going to

happen huh you ask her out she tells you to bog off thank you

sigmund nothing wrong with this one

someone to find a use for it like it why is that she hasn't got one she

hasn't got a bath well she lives in the caravan just outside the stockport

i'm not pumping at the stockport

27 only 30 000 to go

something smells good what you're cooking mugs well it's only rose's usual creole casserole but i've tarted it up a bit

with what marmite hp sauce and half a jar of curry powder

i oh what a gourmet delight maybe we should serve a precocious montage with

that yeah yeah all right can one of you don't give me a hand the zip stuck i can't get it off why don't you put it on to see if it

fits i bought a lot of second hand someone from the embassy got posted back to iceland have you missed something we've been asked to

a fancy dress ball no see the embassy's got the snorkeling club yeah it's called the embassy

snorkeling club yeah i must have took my word to come up with that one anyway i'm going out with him on a boat

on a saturday on a butt can you swim well not always but the flip will shut up shouldn't they oh

i i will help attract sharks we've seen a few didn't we one more fishing oh yeah sorry old son stuck solid oh come

on b*mb you've got to get it off i'm going down the galleon later oh it's okay they don't have a dress cold an

elephant's trunk is very much like a snorkel they can cross entire likes with just

the tip of their trunks above the surface of the water it's theoretically impossible but i do

it where do you get it all from barry i read it in the national geographic in

the clinic when i was wanting to have mcallen cleansed tell you what you'll need another one after you've had moxie's cluster rule

hula why is there no sure what's happening to this sleeping beauty oh it's finished

now they rehearse in the swan lake or the in there rehearsing now yes yeah

could i go in just for a little minute it's not possible oh i've come a long way from england

i am the ballet critic for the newcastle journal

it's not possible no it's not is it um look but the thing is

i'm a friend of one of the dancers or ophelia ortiz and you know

i could stand at the back and be very quiet

please yeah

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no no no no

ophelia remember from the british embassy oh yes

of course why do i here i was going to see the show

i didn't realize it was finished so what last week mind why'd you not come and see me oh i

didn't want to bother you man not that i don't want to see you that's why i'm here

hey china

excuse me paul i'm trying to have a private conversation here so would you mind slinging your hook

look i'm sorry i'm obviously causing you problems here no it's all right i tell enjoy my friend

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firecracker creme de la creme here mr table

so listen it's all fixed for you to pick up the bath depending on the traffic it's about two

to three hours at the city no problem i'm sure dennis has told you how important this is for his excellency

he asked me to give you his personal thanks for volunteering

okay that's it keep up the good work thanks very much i don't remember

volunteering for anything or have you volunteered for oliver it's a work assignment does

part of what we're here to do you're welcome change in the fresh air in the country yeah

when is it saturday saturday that's when it's fixed for

what yeah i was going to go snorkeling yeah i had no right to lumbar those were this just cause you're tight with the suits

now you're dipping for traska look if trasca was here man he'd be telling us to do the same bloody thing

i'm not trying to score brony points for the embassy look it's all part and parcel of the job right some

deers will saw planks some deers will lay bricks and some deers will pick up bloody bathtubs uh no then this is the

first in that department well i've got something on on saturday and i'm not missing it i'll have to actually

wait what time the evening time see him here well we'll be back by then what we heard

what he said man two to three hours

why'd you have to make everything a major drama us huh i'll tell you what it is if the fourier

doesn't give me an ulcer i swear to god you will

oh saturday

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well he's going to be a lot of good with a heavy lifting isn't he hello what is happening you're snorkeling gear

if i'm back like two you can drop me off at the pool yeah yeah yeah yeah anybody got anything else you got to be back for you know

brass robin bird watching oh everybody chop chop man

farm is sunblock okay

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what book you're reading do you haven't have not done is tell me why thought it was

appropriate i always like to read a book that's set in a place where i am at the time you say

well in arizona i read zayn grey in russia i read w*r and peace well

first chapter anyway you read in middlesbrough there isn't any literature aside [ __ ]

with middlesbrough just white vipers on

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great police

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a bit of a pisser

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okay

i couldn't believe it when she said yes were you taking it have you heard of the navista social

club oh no they're famous now so the film is wonderful well a couple of them's

playing at some club somewhere her ideally because apparently she knows them all well she wouldn't she been a celebrity

in her own right i should expect all the cultural icons hang out together

oh you're right that's a push it is a bit of a star tuner india oh she lived in england they'd be doing a photo sh**t of her kitchen in alloy magazine

[Applause] i've never been over the celebrity i

want sugar taught what did the laundry for banana rama but

i went down man chop chop how much longer oh for noah you find you turn the buck no

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seen this now they got armed guards

okay

bringing our food everybody uploading moby d*ck

you know what i think i think easier oh well presidential look at the

security and it's one of his houses right then what gary implied well

the buff that is a gift from him like because he's got a lot of houses apparently high but he doesn't like to

stay in one place too long keeps you on the move you know how annoyed about getting worked by the youngster

you know misdirection that's quite useful as you think if you don't do some jackie chaw like

i've been in a sewage recreation plant or something we're sending you double flat cap full speed big cigar no problem

come for the bath please all of you come with me what's all this stuff

now it's tobacco it must be a working farm that's a relief i thought they were bloody great bats

i thought these lads will sh**t let's do all the pigging oh yeah okay

though what's great a specimen oh very heath

robertson oh yes uh meet to light victorian drifting into

new vow outside and heavy as a [ __ ] you will need very strong arms and a good truck

boy look at those taps they'd be worth a few bob don't even think about it

you must give my very personal regards to your ambassador and his wife a very charming woman

and tell her i look forward very much to our next gaming background okay we'll do you are uh

santoro luis sandor gracias

he's a cool dude didn't he didn't buy that suit in cuba come on now be careful don't turn your

ankle right sir i blow at the tail guys

could there's only enough room for six of you around that i don't know unbalanced things for the

worst time really could have stayed over the villa and finally therapists

oh that's a six hernia job that is yeah we've got to want it back into the

house when we get back well that's a worry for another deer yeah right how are after three hold on a

benzenes

oh

this is what you call the uh pedigree of the bath oh see here we call it provenance good oh i see you are a friend of the

revolution oh this i just like the color no

of course it must have been very good for the people like did you like kuba oh hi it's brilliant i haven't seen much

of it yet like but i'm going to boxing tonight really oh it is a very big occasion it is the trials for the olympics yeah

i heard that i'm looking forward to it all right can i buy our boom g*n back

have you seen the last of that junior [Music]

what were you gonna do with this spirit of fish for your super no i'd have bought one of the fishmongers like you did

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right let's play roll k*ll cricket how does that work anything dead your

side of the road you score runs anything their side they do how do you mean runes

there's one for each leg a dead chicken's worth two that gold would have been far if we'd

started so we're centipedes a ton right no insects you're being silly now wyman

oh forgive me what about the snake that's a tricky one us it doesn't have

any legs but it is an animal so we should qualify call it us england i hope we don't see anything

ripple runs through the crowd

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smack in the middle one each

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hey

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well it stiffs on this side of the road so that's two runs to us yes

sh**t hector find out what's happening will you okay you don't have to be a genius to work

this one out

they say we can help well how the woman wants to take the

casket to the cemetery of the husband to bear we haven't got a spare fan belts we got

a truck though oh forget it we've got a bath in there man and seven of us plus him i want a second guys what's happened to

the hearse's driver he's not there he went for help an hour ago

well how far is it the cemetery not far no no no i need to know how far is not

far it's too far however four it is all right far too far

you you can't just leave me a stranded of course not you can dump the bath side of the road

load up the coffin we'll be back in no time tell that sorry okay

some days we saw a prank some days we lay bricks some days we can't cuban coffins

or part and parcel then says

okay [Music]

dennis hello you've been driving for 27 minutes

that's more than 85 kilometers

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we've just come up the hill other hill and no possible with truck look again come on just dump

them here come on man they're just women in vans well where's all the men fork ah down the club playing dominoes i'll

be in the fields won't they working let's just do this shoulder huh

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oh must have beat a biggen

i know what you're thinking what's this gringo doing sitting in a bath next to a hearse in

the middle of nowhere reading hemingway well that's the same question if i was in your shows

that's if you add any

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ah [Music]

where's the vicar we're over an hour late aren't we maybe he's gone for his tea but do we

even know if the half ceremonies that catholic so coming is so awesome whatever

we're not finished yet meaning what well i'm sure yeah we can't let the ladies use them can we i'll not forget

this dennis i don't want the evil either i'll tell you what the time comes for you to meet your

maker this will go in the plus column

hello dennis everything okay you got the bath all right

what's that you're a bit faint we're running a little bit of a problem

well not ours uh really some locals you know they needed a hand to do so

where are you i'm not sure but you

gift from the know level if anything happens to it it will be perceived as a grave insult

do you read me okay no problem run away

grave insurance [Music]

oh

oh no you drive mike okay

go

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alex hello dennis dennis oh

thank goodness where are you i've been worried sick buddy barry look we're late we're naked we're

filthy and now the truck stop it's about how close it is

you'll just hang on there right and i'll call you when we're leaving all right here

hello [Applause]

put some rocks under the wheel

i don't give a [ __ ] about coffins and corpses you'd be there at 6 30 i'll be extremely pissed off try to remember being a brickie is

no longer your primary occupation hello hello

your battery is flat i need money

what is

do you know it um oh um a blowing glaze

no that's a that's a pity only mars espanol was a bit poco's adequate actually yeah

now don't you go getting any ideas about this will you gentlemen no it's uh el bath fidel castro oh presentai por de

inglese ambassadoria so if you're thinking they're nicking it you're going to end up in very hot water actually oh yes mucho caliante agua

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oh

on also i think this is it can it be yes it is

it just got worse what well when i was back there i said i think

it's going to get much worse look just love i don't understand nobody can man

look let's just try and think about this logically seized by aliens will somebody shut him

up are there any thieves around here hector no quite a good people

farmers what would anyone want with a horse and a bus what would anyone want with

buddy hey guys look at this and why would he leave his booth behind he borrowed that from the embassy

library there'll be a fine thing maybe he never had time to i mean if he was forcibly taken

where's the nearest town that way right we're to go there come the police station report this to the police oh

shovels are shy you stay here us why well just in case buddy happens to come back man i'll stop with

us be careful with two and kiss the mothership returns wait come on

should we have a look at runes see if we can find him

what time should i do it us what did oh hey man it's obvious you've been

anxious about that we're gonna get back seven what was that cuban dancer last is it hi

what about you who are you seeing no one hang on a second well i i've got these

tickets from somebody at the embassy for this boxing lock all right that pro lassie

it's academic no anyway oh man you can't go on blaming dennis

for everything i know you think he didn't back you up over that crime but it's not true

well all i know nev is that the reason i'm out here in cuba is down to you yes no no

well yes but not in the way you think what do you mean i mean you're wrong

about them just remember where you would go back a long way are you did remember didn't you that's

why i'm here and i'll tell you what nev i'll always be there for you you can bang on that

this looks a bit hard forward it's kayla manuego

what is going on where is the bath oh there's no problem mr sander well just a little

one yeah yeah the the vehicle broke down and still in the village getting fixed

oh yes in the village it had to go for to be mended so what are you doing here uh oh man we

made what got something on in havana at the night we're hoping to catch a bus or something oh forgive me of course the boxing

trials see listen if you wait for a bus you will miss all the action getting both of you one huh

you are in luck i think i'm going to the boxing trials get in oh thank you

um he says only three policemen for each

100 kilometers oh no dennis leave him to do their job we best pick up the boys head back to havana

and dress up to this old disaster look i don't suppose you know anywhere

well i can get batteries for silly questions

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oh

this is some scary [ __ ] sagasa christie seven little brickies

and then there were four

friends

hey

oh

foreign

hello i'm sorry i'm late i was in the country fetching a bath and what long story

this is my brother raul

go get me the rest of my family

claudia

oh needed a bothered man i was going to take you out for a trough no no it's good you mean my family it's

good they meet you ah she didn't give me the one show what you mean [Music]

well i'm sure they don't want a girl like you growing up with just anyone this girl is not a girl this woman

decided you're with british embassy

what section cultural economic trey hillary's brickthrough he's a working

man

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is [Applause]

oh i hope you have a very good evening thank you now do you know who that is yeah his name's

louis sandoro yeah i know that he's a minister he's one of fidel's inner circle what were you doing

he offered me a ride why it's gonna be

lit [Music]

so

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when the hell are you getting here dennis lads ah what a pity you missed um missed

nicely cue bars he probably myself when i first saw him

i thought they were breaking to turn out to be really boston he's pissed well we've got a few yeah

then the right thing to do considering they build me in the back back

they did what i tried to find you enough times why don't you just tell us what happened

well well okay well one of them was a draw over the hurst right you would say with mechanics you found in the village

i got them out to go in the no torn and right well you know the two little kids raggedy a*s kids well they told him

about good turn and this is not insisted on reciprocating the gesture brung the bat in the back of the earth

drive me back to ivana we reported you missing you know there's an old points alert out on you

we saw you bleeding in a ditch or something oh tell me sorry to disappoint you oh i don't believe this the upside is

we've got the bathroom barry's okay all we're missing now is neville and us i was cutting back about eight four six

oh i did judy did you see any little neville oh no what devil's going to the boxing with that pro and i

will have the bloody hell did they get back what did you say

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this is your sport not really i loathe all sports

i was forced to play rugby at school hated it so what are we doing here those two

asian guys ringside [Applause]

who is he he's 28 unmarried works as an assistant to the marketing

director of a chinese pharmaceutical giant in havana two months rents an apartment

near the santa isabella

[Applause]

so how am i supposed to get to know him he's not here is he

no no straight is the tenth fault he likes girls bars techno pop and he's passionate about

manchester united apparently several million chinese are how's that meant to help you're a

football nut not man you i'm not you are now oh no

no no way forget it i'm from newcastle man that's like asking us to change me

religion small price to pay for queen and country here

you might need this

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july oh ophelia i'm totally blistered

sorry ecstatic over the moon ludicrously content

[Music] it was a pig of a deer to deer but now

it just seems like it never happened now it's just the music in this place and you

magic now you begin to understand cuba

i may never leave [Music]

hello

so [Music]

what a coincidence hey oh hello i'm moxie you want to scoot round

a bit long there's three of us okay [Music]

all right oh our champion kid on hell of a day we've had

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wow [Music]

so

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