02x13 - Quo Vadis, Pet

[bunniefuu]

sadly gary halton died shortly before we finished production of elvis in pet so the custom crew would

like to dedicate this last episode to the memory of gary and wayne

[Music]

no one said it was gonna be easy

nobody said it had to be fair

all of the chances taken together

and all the changes

[Music]

this time cause we passed the point of no return

[Music]

i speak english i'd like to place a call to england please what are you doing i thought i'd

found my mother he probably won't should be ever sound thrilled if you tell your mother the outroddy

family you'll know in five minutes and i'll be terribly upset no no no um uh don't bother now um

would you ask yours okay maybe we should just ask my fox and your mother dan no did anybody be down to us would be

terribly offended oh you're right us then i suppose i felt it's going to be such a

special day you know with the yacht and everything i'd like them to have shared it with us well they haven't seen the photos aren't

they we'll take lots of photos kids wow i can't wait to see valerie nelson's

face she was so unbearable about her wedding you know just because she had the reception at the adley park hotel

i'll be able to say that's me that's berry and beyond this is the coast of africa

we're going to miss out in all the presents aren't we oh no that's a very very mercenary attitude there no you're

not wrong barry oh no what i don't know

i don't know how good i've just sort of a real problem what which one of the lads who has to be best

man soon you finish work here next week why

my wife will be very happy what's your wife got to do with it

before you come here i close your bar early 11 30 maybe midnight

now i go home to three o'clock she think i have another woman oh well

not no worry nearly finished good

well what are you doing man i'm not talking about you i'm tapping on the site put that back we'll have 300 doors in

three same ago [Music]

okay yeah what are these you've been done with dry cleaners though that should be lottery tickets one i've

been buying those since the first day we got here big prizes you know in 13 years i win

nothing what would you do if you did win carlos i buy my own bar

and i close every night at 11. oh what would you do

once a year read oh new passport well i had a smile touch but i thought if i hit

the jackpot you have a new fish hey i live with this face for a long time you know

i'm not denigrating your looks i know that just thought you know look like a fugitive from justice deal

with a new fierce attack oh oh i see ya maybe a new

nose yeah nice thing i just done didn't he i must say definitely improvements yeah i'd get

those ears fixed at the same time if i were you then i think i'd uh i think i'd buy them

with a little bungalow you know so she wouldn't have a tree or something doing the stairs not

and then i think i'd have a toby doing to the board builders get me sell a little yuck

throughout the dress can he aim doing the gym hey what do you reckon you know about

kenny ames offering barry his yacht and inviting us scruffs aboard no way he just likes her doesn't he why

because he's lonely all these villains here get like that he'd probably give 20 grand to walk down

the east end by eating newspaper yeah i think that's gonna happen when we

piss off i don't know i mean i miss you that's only natural though wouldn't it

i've been on my own before you know been on my own since i was about three anyway i got this idea i met this bloke

the other day down the port oh you want to be very careful about bloke she meet down by the park no he's all right bobby was a canadian

anyway he was telling us you know he's been working his way around the med crew and on yachts in there huh ah fancy though

you know handle steward for some great tycoon uh that would be great i'll get a snake done first it's in your husband

it's for you or me anybody else giving you a bella this time of night probably

the uh lottery people us hello hello

hello oh d*ck oh you're not alone no no we're

well i just wanted to talk you know i feel a bit down being on my own all evening i just wish i knew where i was i wish i

could see you

well he's going out tomorrow night i mean maybe we could go somewhere uh well we'll make that work lately you know to make up for we're gonna have

some time up for buddies he's back i'll have to go true

who are you talking to oh i was just a fallen lemieux to see if he was still there i

never went now yeah that's what they said where have

you been then business huh well your mate i said instead of leaving this here all night i

mean i could have stayed up but the villa were the others the others do you want to waste your

time with a bunch of no hopers like that for you i think um bricklayer is going to take you to the marbella club i meant like the couplers i mean not

dennis especially i don't want you talking to him i don't even want you mentioning his name

but he's your man ally not anymore let me tell you that when the moment is right patterson has got his coming to

him and don't you go shouting your mouth off about that his girlfriend christina whatever her name is well i wouldn't oh wouldn't you so it

wasn't you that mentioned that i might be staying down here permanently no well i might have mentioned some

encouragement oh are you

that's my concern oh is that right well don't you think it's my concern as

well i mean if you're deciding to live down here for good don't you think i've got the right of voice and opinion vicky but the only place i've ever heard

you voicing an opinion is in a boutique between this frock and the other one but you can't expect me to stay down

here never to go home and see me family oh sorry sorry i realize i'm being very selfish i realize oh this can't be good

enough for you god almighty who you must ache for the scenic splendor of that council estate in south shields

oh you must miss cure in the supermarket for the baked beans and the bounty bars and all the other exotic friday nights down the club with another scrubber

you're a b*stard alien i'd rather go back there than take this oh no you don't leave me when you leave me is because i kick your a*s out of

[Music]

here

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hello can i just interrupt proceedings for a moment please hey we've got a lot of joy now buddy

okay it might take a minute and it's just something i just like to get settled please

you see oh yeah i didn't sleep very much that's nice ah

i agonized it's not up again is it cause i've already wronged my series and your presence come on tuesday no no no

no it is to do with a wedding mind i thought it might be

oh say fellas i've got to choose a best man from monaeo like and the

thing is i'm very very concerned about not upsetting the other unlucky five

you see i've grown very close to all of your collectively and age of year individually

i thought of you first does me think about it a few wet sunday

nights in port stanley that can forge a bond can't did hold on hold on

let's get one thing stupid when he says well forged a bond it never went any farther than a couple of paints again with darts you know

nevertheless size you're still a contender b*mber and dennis oh

difficult to separate in my mind both men of similar virtues oh

anchors men of substance oh yeah best mamma tea if i've ever seen it

much the same could be said of neville oh you know in all the time we've known

each other i cannot recall one crossword ever exchanged between the two of us

bollax and you're already with us something i've always admired about you it's ready what moksa

it has to be said that as of from this morning that brooks i do down at 33 to 1 outsider

given a longer odds than but then i thought to myself now in germany

moxie and may we were the outsiders we weren't in the geordie mafia and it

took a little while before we won the respect and affection of the other lads i get it

it's a bit like miss world didn't it eh eliminate all the runners up before you give me the sash

why yes you and me poles apart in so many ways

but nobody else has offered me more advice than yet not always taken i not always wanted

over time tonight dennis hi how are you barry man the suspense is k*lling me very well very well i'll come to the

point then i couldn't decide oh i thought the

fairest thing to do is to draw straws the short one wins

[Music] ah what is it this time as a union

meeting is it i've been sorting through those invoices you're gonna have to settle with the

local trade you know before this job's finished well it will be finished what's that supposed to mean

well in the light of our current relationship dennis it wouldn't surprise me at all if you told them all not to bother you do have me over the

proverbial barrel don't you look the lads came out yet to do a job sitting where's between you and me

that's got nothing to do with it sorry to interrupt yeah i just wanted to

ask something vicky she was meant to be coming to take brenda and i to the ceramics factory to

buy a wedding present she hasn't turned up and i can't seem to get through to her and she's probably left the phone over here she wasn't

feeling too well this morning christy no i wouldn't i wouldn't bank on seeing vicky today really

well perhaps brenda and i will just pop into town then i'll see you later yeah i don't see you making any bloody

deadlines with this wedding hanging over your heads looking for take time off on wednesday we'll make it one saturday

it might surprise you to learn you know my lads take great pride in their work your job will be done on time and under

budget i guarantee it

hey you've got to admit this wedding's a godsend ali but it's still a future many imponderables the timing has got to be exactly right

and i hate making crucial arrangements that involve seven hard carrying lunatics

don't worry son they'll be blissfully ignorant okay i am still concerned about the timing now just

exactly how far offshore will this boat be my man will be down tomorrow dock all the eyes cross all the teas

this time next week all your fiscal problems will be over well to the happy cup yeah

[Music]

we must face reality and in your heart a lot you know right

first thing in the morning tell him how much we appreciate his offer

to explain to him

[Music]

she was so excited we both were oh but in the end she she grabbed me

i think we'd better phone her oh i think she'd appreciate that thank you very much sure it's hot it's just as well we've

never bought a present isn't it yeah

it's just i just realized we were being very very selfish yeah you see weddings after the bride and

groom for the relatives and friends and you know old aunties and grannies and people who sort of rely on that kind of

day i couldn't deprive them of it i mean take my hat to lillian for instance i mean probably the last time

jenna gets out of the house so instead of the mediterranean you settle for warbler lantern i'd like to

be the anthony park hotel nice it's own grass the lovely place of the lake and swans a little bloody cheap

eating i can tell you when's this going to be then that depends on the adlee pals in this very popular place and great demand

oh it'll be the first saturday to the jacobian suites available but we're still all invaded are we of

course why are you best friends in all the world oh yeah we've still got to sort out our best man business you know

aren't we well that's true no matter what the venue oh no no the matrimonies will take place a time

i'll have to ask because i'm marching over to be terribly offended

anymore coffee must have blend oh yes it is shall we run over the timetable just one last time should we what he said shall we run over

the timetable just one last time oh for god's sake i fly to zurich wednesday i pick up my cash the

following day then you fly to rome and i fly to rome from where i fly to tangier where i arrive at 10 minutes to eat

and i shall meet you there if you want a dinner or a glimpse of the night spots i should be happy to oblige

i won't be in any mood for belly dancers please yourself saturday is free i like to allow one

clear day for unexpected contingencies then if the wedding is at 15 hours we should cast off about

10 not too early for you and the rendezvous with the thoughts you see about 15 15. do you have a lever to

there well on the boat now here i need to pee

yes sir just uh first on the left honest man

is he okay yeah he's as good as gold i told you do you know he worked in a merchant bank for 35 years

and his only ambition was to retire somewhere with his own boat and a massive income

so he kept his nose clean took all the abuse acquainted himself with his company's financial transactions and had to plug into the

computer three years ago he booked a one-way ticket to tangiers

having first transferred a million and a half quid to his account there

hey vicky get out will you well i grant you he's no flash but he's not exactly nautical you get him on a boat mate he's long

john silva sorry it's uh here's uh she wants to speak to kenny who the heck's hazel

barry's fiancee oh for god's sake vicky we're in a conference here wait it's about the wedding

oh just take it on that one okay

hello hazel how are you my petty sushi

how many seconds old zaya you mean there's still a chance from what

mm-hmm off i mean what do you mean off

um [Music]

[Music]

[Music]

barry sun very glad you could join me

like pleasure little in this or something just a little bit stronger thank you thank you very much

[Laughter]

i love the port this time of day i love that light the sound of the wind

and the rigging shadow of the masts and the waters

yes yes it's uh it's very uh picturesque

just wish we shot a chance to put on some fresh clouds i thought

oh very sunburn you know i owe you a lot

yeah nice because you're the person that brought all these blocks together

if that hadn't happened they wouldn't be down here working for me now would they yes sir i suppose your right

we're the employers you and me the managerial class so to speak and i

think that is what separates us from the others not that i want to disparage otherwise

in any way whatsoever no no it's just running around business does cause different burdens of course

exactly do you use these

i love smoking if you don't mind

now bunny the reason why i persuaded kenny to lend you his yacht i thought

another idea didn't want to make a fuss about it at the time but no the reason was

because i know how much that would have meant to me at your age and i see an awful lot of me

but you know now i hear that you've changed your very mind decision there i don't know

why you made that decision and i respect you for it it's the old working class built the ties that bond

you know why i value somebody

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your only allegiance is to that [Music]

and in my opinion my very very humble opinion it is your duty to give her a day that

she will remember

look funny if the wind's on again fine everybody's happy for you right bud didn't stand there trying to tell with

it ali frazier some sort of prince amongst men were crazy i says i don't know he sat down and conversed

with the man at all i'd always accepted your lord's opinion i've ever been some sort of monster

but you spoke as you're fine and i haven't found him very charming but it seemed like i'm just thrilled to be persuaded by it

because i'm out of the moon we decided to have a little party for family and friends when we get back in

by why just seems the best of both worlds really no i mean why would frazier take all

this trouble over youtube that's charming thanks very much no i didn't mean it like that

that's a bit quicker i meant is he paying for the food and the booze no it's nothing with me anything anymore

bucket daddy's reminds you you took the bolt out far enough harley ale would be duty three

wouldn't it don't be a [ __ ] man roxy you've still got abide at the offer haven't you oh all right yeah yeah i forgot about

that yeah but i think the odds of you being best man have lent an even further moxie oh well it reminds me that that little

problem is still going to be resolved first thing tomorrow morning we'll draw those straws again no i couldn't believe that thank you

me too yeah i'm not keen either what's up fly your cousin

no matter how hard

when will you be back i'm not certain i don't even know where you're going

don't need to know do you well i'm not gonna be here when you get back

oh is that a fact yes it is actually i'm gonna stay for barry and hazel's wedding and then i'm going home

oh really oh well then which

of the very very expensive frocks that i bought you are you planning to wear at barry and

hazel's wedding is it this nice little multi-colored grecian number

or is it there a serious article that cost so many pranks in paris hey really suited that one

listen you can slash them all you b*stard every last one take back all the jewelry the lot but i'm still not gonna be here when you

get back will you surprise me vicky because i've got your passport

[Music]

[Applause]

so [Music]

i'm gonna be away for a few days dennis so i'm leaving you some signed checks to take care of those unpaid bills that you mentioned

oh you still trust us indeed well i'd like to use your nuts for golf ba*ls dennis but yes i still trust you i will be no crap lying around

when you get back we'll clean up the entire area no you're nothing if not thorough now about your lands recon that's all right i'll handle it oh that

money are yours i'm holding i'll pay them out of that salary

over time bonuses is agreed i'll post united my statement accounting for every penny and the balance pal the balance of

my money where would you like it oh it's that somebody yeah i've got it you want it

i await your instructions oh by the way i'll be holding about

three grand oh that should we bonus is it no no that's the approximate cost of six air

tickets back here plus spreading board sorry dennis don't follow you there all right well you will in a minute you see

just supposing i'm leaving to put one dark night until your born heads decide to take me

around the back right or supposing uh somebody puts a brick through me ex-wife's wonder i put some

frighteners on me girlfriend or me kids i'm gonna need that cassian

sure me and the lads we can come back here take apart everything we build for you

and then after that take your part

oh dennis you know i broke like you could have had a job with me for life

okay what's been up in here huh

i've tried to leave a mouse but i can't i'm scared

[Music]

[Music]

[Applause] oh

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where is he

he's gone wide why why because i'm going to smash his b*stard fierce right no that's why

right i don't care who he is up your chassis he might be rich and have muscle and

punch us licking his horse but that doesn't allow him to do what he's doing well thank you smash the b*stard flat up rip down the

club at the shreds you want to see what he wrote on the bathroom minute i thought you were supposed to be picking up tails never

mind b*stard tails they made enough sl*ves out of the what are they in the rock or what this is

british i'm not going to stand the boat while you treat a piece of shite i'm telling you ricky yes cookies since did you

yes well i didn't put an advert at the local paper you know i mean i've got some sense of discretion first i've heard look where is he

he's got the airport the airport i'll get him to knock him out by the time you get the airport if you're well no no no no no no no no no no no

look like by the time you get the airport he's going to be halfway across the mediterranean isn't he is he if he's done off where's that

leave us we're taking care of look i've hurt him much more than you ever could but you are how's that like oh you've

done that right just come and sit on i've got someone to tell you come here

sit down no listen this goes no further than australia

that's all right no further right yes yes right right what right when i went back to newcastle last week

right i was supposed to pickle some documents that was just a pretext hollywood wanted us to bring this bag

back here we had me don't support it so i opened it what was in it cash

i was trying to smuggle ready stone yeah use me as mule that's risky it was when i got turned

over at the airport what up in the cash well when i hit the car see a new castle in the cf place oh

well before your left side good thinking much was in it the bug 25 grand what 25 grand

so don't worry about your weirdest man i've got ali by the bollocks man 25 grand why christian pulled the flanker they're

absolutely amazing sure look no matter what you're feeling like man just forget about it everything's all right okay well

how long's this thing with vicky being going on

[Applause]

we are here at the completion of another shining example of british workmanship i'm sure if our

uh gracious benefactor mr fraser was loose he'd want us to celebrate the manner in

the usual way [Applause]

[Music]

if barry doesn't show up soon ain't pushing off yeah you're still seeing that lasso works in the cloak rooms at

the casino i am that must have put a few pieces

in here huh yeah look here though

you're not supposed to do it the night before the wedding it's bad luck in there it certainly was for me where's everyone

else i thought we agreed to run over for a night clip well i've nashed off uh then i never went above

i didn't want to leave the girls on their own

something or somebody what's never going to happen that's right i said to him the other day you know i said wayne get it into your head mate there's nothing

amazing is going to happen you know that's suddenly going to transform your life all right mama resigned himself to that

years ago my life's about to be transformed for those of you who are plus enough to wait

i'd like to buy some champagne hey thank you very much

tonight you drink till dawn no difference for me oh you straightened up the old lady then

no the old lady should leave me i did

i hope you're not trying to put out one doing those for you we marry 11 years

my heart did hurt you know carlos you're putting a real damper on things over there mate you might have kept it

to yourself at least till after tomorrow sorry i think you've been a bit laughed yourself

i know you think i'm being sentimental i suppose i am really all right might

but the fact that all the lads are going to be at my wedding tomorrow that means a lot to me you know that means an awful lot you want to keep the speech for

tomorrow no i've got to speak tomorrow it's all written down another thing i want to let you know the best man situation has what's been

resolved blog max if you'd rather be down the port with white sniffing around toss it let me stop you

that's the only joke i've never known you're joking or not this is a bloody moment of giant celebration for me and i really

like to treasure this you can't do it might come what happened to

i want to treasure this moment with you right but not our b*stard need to just tell who's the best man huh

saw six of you what there's no real sign that you only have to have one best man i

don't know i've always seemed to you you wanted a nightcap why why not

brandy no no bff i made these dears never

hey it's easy to get used to a life of luxuriousness c*ck bar swimming pool

yeah back to reality next week though just be another couple of thatcher's

unemployment statistics cheers never mind you'll still have a nice turn doing a dual cue now

what are you gonna do given it any thought

well i kind of be a brittany again i kind of fear some desolate winter on some northeast

building site i've got any choice it's what i am

it's what i do i'm not ashamed of it lately yeah of course not nor should you be i

didn't mean that man and he's talking about me nev i need to change my life does

christine figure in your plans i don't know well i'd like it to be you

know but until something materializes i haven't got much door forever

money what about it well just sitting there in it

where you hit it like yeah well i always hear one i'll be tempted

to keep it and what well i don't know buy a news agent oh now you don't set

your sights very high do you i thought you were going to see a tear getting booger off to brazil man not by your bloody news agents

it's not enough of it for brazil is it

rip everything up later oh not well i just about vicki how you thought about the

consequences of pissing off from frieza yeah i mean thought about them properly what do you mean like

well i mean it wouldn't just be clues you'd be giving up your left hand would it yeah i mean you've had the lut we're freezer

villains in this sunshine first class trouble everywhere jacuzzi's in your cozy room service

quickly lake and more self-esteem but but you've got to be realistic pedal i mean

you know you can back yeah i'm just going to take i mean it's a readjustment isn't it i mean there's no air for you is that

well there's you well it said we'll turn your eyes open about me and hell isn't it i mean

i'm not exactly what you could call a prize catch is that yeah i'm just another working-class gadget

what's being dragged up in a very rough area i've nearly education to speak of been able to understand obtain i would

thought he might literally get it got any money put by me prospect i'm

under that king callers from next week i mean you know what could we possibly have in

common well everything christ who's that

i'm not gonna answer it i'll put some it on can i get the door

he got one

sorry no can we come in please uh police um yes you'd better come through

what is senor fraser i don't know pile i think he's awake with a couple of days

ah i see you in the villa you friend us in your face i know me no not me mate why are you here

hey i'm uh i'm taking the young lady to one

yes yes well what all men in the world evidently you do not express in your face that to

come back to soon no i've got the idea paul what do you want to say morning questions oh i'll bet you're the english

old bill's talking them up paul are they you want these are each slippery old

b*stard

they give the winning numbers of the lottery

[Music]

[Music]

oh

[Music]

[Laughter]

hello how much eight million it's only positive

in real money that's only um thirty four thousand four hundred and eighty two

eighty two quid thirty four grand hey there's a news agent to hell with news agents without the

moment i'd be off to brazil what's this brazil huh put me down for that dennis what we build in there

what on earth is someone like us going to do with money like that anything he likes

[Music]

wow a two flash of present is it

[Music]

where will we put it i don't know you must admit though it's a wonderful

gesture i can see it working in spain in a villa surrounded by tiles and moorish archers but uh is it

working over hampton the the titan if you don't like it

oh no no no i'm like no it's not it's you know it's just what we just what we always wanted like is it oh

so i got it with the last of me ready you know but as soon as i catch me winning ticket i can get the other three

i'm just gonna [Music]

[Music]

so [Music]

[Music] let's also see that ahead eta in three

minutes as per schedule

[Music]

do you barry taylor take hazel tooth and red redfern to be your

awful witted wife that should be lawful so sorry your lawful wedded wife

hotel so i now pronounce you

a man and a wife [Applause]

well apparently

get a bit of this junior all right

34 000 it's just not fair there's a boy coming up on the right

there oh starboard as we say in nautical circles [Music]

what's this actual mystery guest barry

[Music] what's he doing here

[Music] did

you don't actually think that i would have missed a happy occasion like this what's going on dennis had a little bit

of business to do and then i promised myself i'm going to get back here for barry's wedding

thank you very much oh my pleasure

maintain

[Music]

famous [Music]

everybody wants to know what's happening how fast is a single one i don't know i've only picked around the port before with a couple of birds in a picnic

basket make for tangies thank you

i'm sorry don't panic don't panic but but we've been used that despicable man phrase has used us

but don't worry kid don't worry i'm with you don't apologize buddy this is the most exciting thing that's ever happened to me tangies

why do valerie nelson is about this tangiers i'm not taking deaths to tangiers it

doesn't look like we've got much choice brett what was that you said last night about nothing's going to transform our life

stop your engines repeat stop your engines well there must be some work in north

africa oh it's bound to be they built the pyramids didn't they

[Music]

me i've got before gin man as soon as i put these in he likes completely changed overnight am

i hidden in the opposite dirty direction what am i supposed to do man it's just like he just looked office

what's going on tennis what we're gonna do dennis it's all dope dennis look i don't know what's happening i've been

all well before what's gonna happen anyway so what else is new

[Music]

just strange

[Music]

back with the boys again

girls love money what can you do

this is

[Music]

[Music]

like with the boys again

[Music]

you