[rock music]
[rock music continues]
[rock music continues]
[wheels screeching]
It started in a motel bed
Then your words kept
messing with my head
Stop, stop! Stop, stop!
And from the side
of your mouth, saw the venom pouring out
Oh, you kissed me hard,
then soft and slow
The only love that
I've ever known
as*h*le!
But secondhand smoke
don't always work
To keep a girl
like me around
[Star coughing]
So say my name, I'm
always the one to blame
[door shuts]
[thunder booming]
[Star coughing]
[Star coughs]
[thunder booming]
[Star coughing]
[Star coughing]
[Star sighs]
[door creaking]
[no audio]
[door clunking]
[bottles clinking]
[door thuds]
[engine rumbling]
- [Announcer] For your livestock
needs, it's Triple L Feeds.
[somber classical music]
[bottle clinking]
[somber music continues]
[somber music continues]
[somber music continues]
[door creaking]
Weather's about to get bad.
Throw your gear in the
back under the tarp.
[Star coughing]
[door thuds]
[thunder rumbling]
So where are you headed?
Dubuque.
Ain't going that far.
[somber music continues]
Where are you taking me?
My place.
That's not okay.
Want to get out?
You're better off at
my place than out here.
I'm just trying to help.
[somber music]
[Star coughing]
[Star coughing]
[Star coughing]
[door thuds]
I'll get your things, then.
[Star coughing]
It's not in good shape.
- We have that in
common. I'm good here.
- Suit yourself.
[melancholy music]
I got indoor plumbing.
[melancholy music continues]
[melancholy music continues]
You hungry?
[melancholy music continues]
[Star groans]
[Star coughing]
[Star coughing]
[Star coughing]
[Star coughing]
That's a blast from the past.
All those albums.
My mother, she...
Just don't mess with it.
Not to worry.
[Star coughs]
[silverware clattering]
[melancholy music continues]
Pinto beans?
Close, but not pinto.
What's this?
[Logan] Bread.
Right. You made it?
[Logan] Try.
[hand thuds]
Is it bread bread?
I don't know, it's
kind of nutty.
That's a good description.
You got a name?
Star.
Made up, or your real name?
What's yours?
Logan.
Where am I?
Geographically?
- Yeah, geographically.
[coughing]
Drink the water. Drink it.
Arizona, near Rodeo, New
Mexico, population 101.
Seriously? 101?
- Could be less by now.
That's from last census.
The middle of nowhere.
Don't worry, I'll be gone
first thing in the morning.
Do I look worried?
Where are you coming from?
LA.
You work around here?
Yeah.
Cowboy?
Was.
Never met a cowboy before.
Is that what they're
still called? Cowboys?
Far as I know.
You can sleep outside or on
the couch, it's up to you.
[chair scraping]
[door thuds]
[blanket thuds]
[melancholy music]
[light clicks]
[melancholy music continues]
[light clicks]
[paws tapping]
[cheerful music]
[cheerful music continues]
Pretty good, huh?
[cheerful music continues]
[cheerful music continues]
[cheerful music continues]
Hey there Gilda, Gracie. You
two ready to stretch your legs?
[cheerful music continues]
[cheerful music continues]
[Star coughing]
[Star coughing]
[melancholy music]
[Star coughing]
[melancholy music continues]
[melancholy music continues]
[melancholy music continues]
[melancholy music continues]
[melancholy music continues]
[gate creaking]
[melancholy music continues]
[melancholy music continues]
[melancholy music continues]
[door thuds]
[water splashing]
[beans squelching]
[melancholy music]
Hey. Hey, you okay?
Oh my god, what time is it?
- It's okay, just lie there.
[Star coughing]
I'm sorry.
You could fry an egg.
- I really meant
to be out of here.
But God had other plans.
You believe in God?
It's just a figure of speech.
What have you eaten today?
Water.
I feel like crap. You can dump
me by the side of the road.
I'll think on it.
[kettle whistling]
[water pouring]
[Star sighs]
Careful, it's hot.
Mint?
There's some mint.
I actually grow these herbs.
- Look, I'm gonna be-
- Drink your tea.
[Star coughs]
Not good. 103.
Shower could help.
[melancholy music]
[shower hissing]
[melancholy music continues]
[door thuds]
Care to guess what's for supper?
What kind of beans are these?
Anasazi beans. Gourmet.
Mm, actually kind of good.
It's pretty much what you eat?
Pretty much.
Variety's not your thing?
- I keep things
simple. It suits me.
Here I am, messing things up.
Yep.
It's just you here?
If you don't count Nala.
Nala?
My dog.
She's outside.
I like dogs.
[chair scraping]
Aw! Aren't you a good girl?
She's my therapy dog.
Really?
Night duty.
You know, I think you
would sleep better
in the other bedroom
tonight, so wait here.
You miss her too, don't you?
[melancholy music]
I know. It's okay.
Oh my gosh.
Is this the same house?
This is...
Was my mother's room.
She died a year ago.
A year ago yesterday.
I'm so sorry.
I'm not sure I can sleep here.
I feel like a trespasser.
She would like that.
[Star coughing]
Come on.
[Star coughing]
[melancholy music continues]
[Star coughing]
[melancholy music continues]
[Logan gasping]
[somber music]
[zipper rasping]
[somber music continues]
[Star coughing]
[Star coughing]
[somber music continues]
[somber music continues]
[somber music continues]
[somber music continues]
[Star coughing]
[doors creaking]
[somber music continues]
[somber music continues]
[Star coughing]
[somber music continues]
[Star coughs]
[somber music continues]
[engine rumbling]
[birds chirping]
[chirping continues]
- How're you feeling?
- Better.
I've been drinking your tea.
I think it's been helping.
Sorry I'm still here.
No, don't be.
- Never been this
exhausted my entire life.
Never. I pretty
much slept all day.
Thanks for the sewing kit, but
I bought my jeans like this.
New?
- Yeah.
- Why would you do that?
- You serious?
Where have you been?
It's been the fashion for years.
I mean, mine are
nothing compared to ones
with huge holes up
and down both sides.
And they're expensive. [coughs]
- Perfect metaphor for
the times we live in.
We gravitate toward destruction
and we pay a high price.
Good point.
How'd you sleep last night?
Oh my god.
It was the best
night's sleep I've had
since I was a little girl.
I'm not even kidding.
I felt so safe.
Safe.
- It was such an
unfamiliar feeling.
Sorry, I didn't mean to go on.
- Feel like moving
around a little bit?
Take the girls back to the
corral. You can join me.
Hello, girls. Meet Star.
Star, meet Gilda and
Gracie. Mother, daughter.
- Never been this close to a
horse before. They're so big.
- You're from Iowa and you've
never been around horses?
Just preachers in my family.
- You can go ahead
and stroke her nose.
She might take a bite of your
hair, but that's about it.
Oh, thanks.
[Logan] Come on.
[melancholy music]
Come on!
[melancholy music continues]
[melancholy music continues]
- My mother crocheted that.
- Nice.
You've lived here
your whole life?
Mostly.
I love how it smells out here.
It smells?
What do you farm? Cotton?
What makes you think I farm?
- Oh, I just-
- I do.
But not cotton.
So what's in Dubuque?
I'm not sure.
- That's a long way
to go not to be sure.
- It's not your problem. Don't
worry, I'll be gone tomorrow.
You said that before.
- Right, actually, you know
what, I'm feeling much better.
- I'm teasing! You need
to get better first.
Another day or two should do it.
[Star coughing]
Or three.
101. You're not
leaving quite yet.
Is that okay with you?
I guess so. You don't mind?
- If you need to do
laundry sometime,
there's a washer out
back and a clothesline.
- A clothesline?
I've never used one.
- Then you'll have
to figure it out.
[Star] What are you reading?
"Invisible Man".
[Star] Oh, is it recent?
- Nope. Written
before you were born.
How old do you think I am?
20?
Hm. Well, you look younger.
How old are you?
You look older.
So what are you running from?
Did you say running from?
- There's nothing wrong
with your hearing.
It's a long story.
What are you reading?
- It's a book
about Janis Joplin.
- You a fan?
- Huge fan.
Not the drugs. Her
passion, her guts.
There was no one else like her.
- Is that what
you are? A singer?
I've never met one
of those before.
Is that what they're
still called, singers?
I had that coming. [coughs]
Is anyone looking for you?
- You think I'm
running from the law?
No, I mean family or...
- I have to call
my aunt in Dubuque.
Do you have a cell
phone charger I can use?
I can't find mine.
What do you think?
I have a phone in my
bedroom. Feel free to use it.
Thanks, but that won't help,
because her number's
in my dead phone.
- You ever hear of a
pencil? Address book?
Like I said, I like
to keep things simple.
- Keeping things simple's
never really been my thing.
Your mother's bed's calling.
[melancholy music]
[melancholy music continues]
[melancholy music continues]
[cheerful music]
[cheerful music continues]
[cheerful music continues]
[cheerful music continues]
[cheerful music continues]
[cheerful music continues]
[cheerful music continues]
[no audio]
[cloth rustling]
[Star coughing]
[no audio]
He's a rodeo guy, huh?
Are you really a therapy dog?
Hello, ladies. Anything
interesting going on?
Is this what you two do all
day? Hang out, eat grass?
Where can I sign up?
Come on.
[gate creaking]
[gate clunking]
[melancholy guitar music]
What was I running from
Now you're gone
Was I running from the law
I'm not quite sure
At the end of the day
I was running away
I was running away
[paper rustling]
[door shuts]
[melancholy guitar music]
What was I running from
Now you're gone
Was I running from the law
I'm not quite sure
At the end of the day
Keep going.
I'm done. How was your day?
About what I expected.
How're you feeling?
Better. Your tea's amazing.
My energy's slowly
making its way back.
It's been five days or so?
Six.
You got your guitar out.
- Felt right, for the
first time in ages.
Wow, six days?
- Don't worry, I'm
not out of beans.
Want to ride a horse?
- You serious?
- Come on.
[guitar thudding]
[Star coughing]
[somber music]
You went in?
Yeah.
- This can untie in
two seconds, see?
- Sorry, guess I need
knot tying lessons.
- The girls, they
like to wander.
They can push the damn
gate open with their nose.
Like I said, I'm sorry.
I thought I was being careful.
I'm tired. I'm going
to take a rain check.
I'm sorry.
I just think you'd enjoy a ride.
[gate creaking]
So you're gonna put your
left foot in the stirrup,
then you grab the mane
with your left hand
and the horn with your right
and just spin yourself up.
It's okay.
[Star yelps]
Easy peasy.
How do you like it up there?
- I like it so far, as
long as she doesn't move.
- You can give it
a little slack,
and you can grab hold of
the horn with one hand,
the reigns in the
other, and a little tap
with your foot will
get her moving.
Okay.
Isn't this gorgeous?
My favorite time of day.
We don't get this in LA.
- I liked watching you
play guitar, singing.
Those words were from
our conversation.
- All my songs are
from my life, so yeah.
I haven't touched my
guitar in six months.
What happened six months ago?
- Let's just enjoy
the ride, okay?
[somber music continues]
- That was great.
- The shower?
The horseback ride.
Running low on your
Ana-whatever beans?
Anasazi. We're good.
You want to hear
the beans' story?
Sure.
- Anasazi Indians disappear
from New Mexico about 900 AD.
Those are their beans, as
discovered by some old farmer
who recently found
a few in a small pot
hidden on Anasazi sacred ground.
So he planted them,
and they grew.
Now there's this farm in
Colorado that sells them.
And they did a DNA test, they're
healthier than pinto beans.
- Maybe I should write
a song about them.
You want to go for a walk?
- It's been different for me
with you here. Not all bad.
The last person in this house
other than me was my mom.
What was she like?
- She had many sides.
I will stop there.
So what happened six months ago?
- My roommate died. k*lled,
I'm pretty damn sure.
Leah was my one
true friend in LA.
That's rough.
How?
Opioids.
But it was no f*cking accident.
Her as*h*le boyfriend was
ready to move on. She wasn't.
- That's a pretty
serious accusation.
- Fentanyl was in her system.
She didn't do drugs, ever.
You sure about that?
- She was like me,
100% anti-drugs.
She was black, he was white.
He knew I suspected him.
He threatened me, if I ever
said anything to anyone.
- And you didn't talk to
anyone, like the police?
His brother is on the force.
I still plan to,
when I feel safe.
Leah told me that
being smart and black
is worse than being
dumb and white.
No respect, not heard.
Her singing was
finally getting her
the positive attention
she deserved.
We were so excited.
And you stopped writing songs.
Why LA?
- I truly believed
I'd find myself there,
do my music like Janice did.
How stupid, stupid, stupid.
I was never a good fit.
I don't sleep around.
I don't do drugs.
Janis did all that stuff.
- Then you're not
completely stupid.
- Well, there's stupid,
then there's stupid.
- Is that the name
to your next song?
- I'm trying to have a
serious conversation.
Me too.
- I left LA because
I wasn't safe.
If he could do that to Leah...
I hitched a ride with
a guy I thought I knew,
headed to El Paso.
Suddenly we're off the 10
going I don't know
where, it was scary.
It feels safe in Dubuque?
- Hell no, there's just no
other choice. It's home.
Well, here you're safe.
Go figure.
Thing is, it's clear to me
that this is your space,
and you're better
off alone in it.
You might be right.
So, middle America,
Dubuque. Why not safe there?
- For a man of few words,
you ask a lot of questions.
You must have a
story. Everybody does.
Even if you've never
left this place.
I've left.
You ever head to El Paso?
I've been known to.
If you can give me a lift,
I can get a ride from a
trucker, they're pretty safe.
- I'll be heading to
Lordsburg, New Mexico,
before I head out to El Paso.
There's a bus stop
there. Be another week.
- Heck, I can just walk
to the road tomorrow.
Start hitching. I don't mind.
You in a rush?
I told you, I don't
mind you being here.
Not yet, anyway.
Besides, you'll be lucky
if you see three cars
going the other way all day,
so why don't you
just hang around?
Relax.
- Okay, thanks. I just
need a truck stop.
- I ain't leaving you at
no truck stop, little lady.
- Little lady? What
movie's that from?
It's John Wayne.
Who?
- I think the middle
of nowhere, Arizona,
will be good for you.
You can write songs
and sing them to me.
I like your voice.
I guess I can do that.
I can even help out on
your farm. I don't mind.
- No, I work alone. Besides,
you still need to recover.
I'm gonna get supper ready.
Thanks for the horseback ride.
I'll never forget it.
[somber music]
[Logan groaning]
[Logan yelping]
[Logan gasping]
[Logan grunting]
[explosions booming]
[Logan gasps]
[somber music continues]
[somber music continues]
[herbs grinding]
[somber music continues]
Good morning.
- You're up early.
How'd you sleep?
Fine. How about you?
I'm off.
Get some rest.
Is there a choice?
You okay?
Always.
[melancholy guitar music]
[paper rustling]
[melancholy guitar music]
[Star singing indistinctly]
[melancholy music continues]
[melancholy music continues]
[melancholy jazz music]
After you've gone
and left me crying
After you've gone,
there's no denying
You'll feel blue,
you'll feel sad
- What the hell?
- I was just-
- I know who it is! I told you
to leave the records alone.
- I'm sorry, I guess I just-
- I'm going to Lordsburg
tomorrow. Be ready.
I know, you told me.
I'm sorry, I was
just dusting, and...
[melancholy jazz music]
The evening sun go down
I hate to see
The evening sun go down
It makes me think
On my last go 'round
Feeling tomorrow
Like I feel today
Feeling tomorrow like I feel
[static hissing]
Hey, sorry about yesterday.
- Yeah, well, I don't
know who you are
or what floats your boat,
but I'll try to remember
the good things.
- I thought we'd have
breakfast at the Crossroads.
- I'll pull off the
sheets and start a load.
- I'll do that
after you're gone.
After you're gone. That's
a good name for a song.
You can dedicate it to me.
Already been written.
I'm almost ready.
It's hard leaving...
Nala.
Nala.
Yep, Nala.
[no audio]
[melancholy music]
[melancholy music continues]
[perfume spritzing]
[melancholy music continues]
[melancholy music continues]
[melancholy music continues]
Wait right here.
No f*cking way!
I guess I can't
hate you after all.
- Damn.
- [indistinct] the Mud Hens?
Yeah, my mom's from Toledo.
Wow. So was mine.
You going to wear it?
[melancholy music]
Sure, why not?
Just one sec.
[melancholy music continues]
[door clunking]
[door thuds]
Bye, Gilda.
Nala, you're the best
dog. The very best.
Shake. Down.
Aw.
Bye bye!
[door thuds]
You smell like my mother.
I couldn't resist.
I appreciate what you've
done for me, by the way.
You saved me.
- You may not know it, but
it's been a two way street.
I'm sorry about
yesterday, I just...
Never mind.
[melancholy music continues]
- I don't really know
anything about you.
You know a lot about me.
- I don't, actually,
know a lot about you.
You never told me why
Dubuque isn't safe.
- Right. Guess I'll save
that for another day.
- You don't know a lot
about me, more than anyone.
Secret stash of beans.
Wrong.
I don't even know what
you grow on your farm.
- I guess I forgot
to mention it.
Hemp. I grow hemp.
Really?
How do you know
about Chinese herbs?
- Just something I
was interested in.
It's been practiced way
longer than Western medicine,
so I figured they
knew a thing or two.
You have the Quran. Why?
I wanted to know more
about the people I
was hired to k*ll.
- Have you read it?
- I have.
Your thoughts?
It's like the Bible,
aimed at keeping the
population in line,
full of myths and metaphors,
some history, allegories.
You were deployed.
Afghanistan, two tours.
- [Star] I forgot to ask
what your mom thought
about you signing up.
- [Logan] We got in our
first fights over it.
I'd never seen her that angry.
- [Star] Probably afraid
you wouldn't come home.
[Logan] It was more than that.
When I got back, she
didn't like who I was.
Her son the cowboy
was an angry as*h*le.
It aged her.
[door thuds]
[door clunking]
- Seems like a millennium
since I was here.
- Strange, I've been
coming here all my life,
and it's never been closed.
I hope nothing
happened to Harry.
His dad started this place.
Well, I guess I'll just
take you to El Charro,
it's old hangout
for railroad guys.
Why do you use Chinese herbs?
- They seem to keep my
nightmares to a minimum.
Afghanistan?
Sorry, Logan. We can
change the subject.
- No, you know I don't
want to change the subject.
These days, it's hard
to be a proud American.
We've created so
much chaos, pain.
I contributed to it.
God, Logan.
- When I got back, I was
angry, short-tempered.
When I went to sleep,
I'd have the same
nightmares over and over.
I was guilty when I was happy,
so I just avoided being happy.
I especially avoided
the g*dd*mn news.
No, I'm good.
I'm good with Nala, my girls,
my books, my
garden, beans, hemp.
Hemp?
- It's a miracle
plant, you know.
- I don't know much about
it, except it was ill*gal.
Can you smoke it?
- You can wear it,
you can eat it.
It takes less water than cotton.
In fact, cotton farmers
benefited hugely when it was banned.
So how was it for you, being
out of touch for three weeks?
It didn't k*ll me.
Your aunt's in Dubuque?
I hope so.
What about your folks?
I should keep my mouth shut.
[door clunking]
I told you, until I
slept in your mom's bed,
I'd forgotten what
safe felt like.
- There are other
places, you know.
Actually, I don't know.
What are those
mountains over there?
The Chiricahuas.
Chiricahuas? Nice.
- Feels like a major
holiday. Zip traffic.
- Tell me about
this Carl Jung guy.
- It's pronounced Jung. You
been looking at my books?
- Right, yeah. You have
a weird bunch of books.
I mean, "Uncle Tom's Cabin"?
- I wish we'd have talked
about my books before.
I'm serious about becoming
more self aware, if possible.
Why?
- Just don't get along
well with people.
Should get you to Lordsburg.
Probably.
[door thuds]
What's happening? It
looks like a ghost town.
- I don't have a clue.
[somber music]
Get down. Get down!
- Logan, what are you doing?
- Something's not right.
You see the guy with
the mask over there?
No. Are you sure?
Let's just get the f*ck out
of here. I'm serious, please.
- Get down.
- Logan!
- Back up. Back up,
show me your face!
Take off the mask!
Take off the mask!
We can't because of the virus.
Virus?
What are you talking
about? What virus?
Polka dots, huh?
My wife made this!
When did all this happen?
Are y'all from Toledo?
Missing your beans?
[somber music continues]
- God, I never thought
a cheeseburger could taste this good.
- What's it called
again? COVID-18?
19, the coronavirus.
Such a pretty name
for something so evil.
I'd heard about it,
but it was in, like, China
or somewhere, not here.
- That restaurant I was going
to take you to, El Charro,
closed down three years ago.
It's a cabinet shop now.
- Guess you can't
blame the virus.
- Nope, but you can blame it
on buses canceled to Dubuque.
- I tried getting
out of your hair.
But God had other plans.
- How funny, that guy Peter's
from Toledo? Small world.
- He thought that
we were a couple.
- So, there was a
g*n under the seat.
Just in case.
Just in case.
My name is Jane.
- What do you want
me to call you?
You can call me Star.
[paper rustling]
[door clunking]
[door thuds]
[melancholy music continues]
[door thuds]
[birds chirping]
Should last a while.
- All those people dead
in less than a month.
- You suppose that
was your situation?
Maybe.
Well, I survived.
Guess I'll never know.
Your Chinese herbs
did their magic.
Maybe we should spread the word.
Nobody would listen.
- At least you're not
sick. I feel terrible-
Stop, stop. I'm fine.
Just goes to prove one of my
mother's favorite sayings.
You don't think God has a sense
of humor, just make plans.
Normally I'd find that funny.
You okay being here?
I know I'm not the best company.
- Compared to the jerks
I've been around lately,
you're an improvement,
a big improvement.
- Oh, dammit! What
was I thinking?
I am so sorry.
About what?
- I was on autopilot
at the store,
and I just bought the
same things I always do.
I noticed.
- I'll do better next time.
You can make the list.
You're brave.
And I forgot to make bread.
We'll make some later.
- So where's this
hemp farm of yours?
It's not too far.
Do you really work alone?
Not quite.
Meaning?
- Meaning, best not to
ask too many questions.
- Really, Logan? You hire
criminals or something?
I'll clean up when you're done.
Thanks.
Smells good.
Look.
You first.
- Ah, look I.. I don't
know what this is-
- I was going to say that I
really don't mind you being here
I, I think you're Godsent to
force me to
Godsent?
You don't believe in God.
I never said that
I don't believe in religion
Godsent, huh
Here to make you crazy
No, I see myself
different with you
I just realize you can't
really know yourself
in a vacuum.
- All those books
with all those answers
They're not enough?
You want to ride some horses?
Now?
Yeah, sunset's the best.
Okay.
[wind in trees]
LA is a million years ago.
[cheerful music]
I paid my rent waiting
tables, writing songs,
waiting for my big break.
I tried coffee shops, too.
If three people
showed, it was a crowd.
I can't help
thinking about Leah.
She was on the
cusp of making it.
She wasn't good at men,
though. That's for sure.
- What about you,
when it comes to men?
Want to let the girls run a bit?
It's safe, they know
where they're going.
[cheerful music continues]
- Well, that beats
riding the bus.
That's a low bar.
- So amazing. I
wasn't even afraid.
I trusted Gilda. Trust
isn't usually my thing.
What about me? You trust me.
Some of the time.
Careful, little lady.
Just be careful.
[no audio]
[somber music]
[doors creaking]
[somber music continues]
- What the f*ck?
[door slams]
[Logan grunting]
[door creaking]
[somber music continues]
[Logan laughing]
[melancholy guitar music]
I was walking,
you knew my name
You were talking to me
As the days go by
The reason why
- Really, Logan, I'm
sorry. It was an impulse.
- Impulse? Which, slamming
the door in my face, or-
The dress.
- That was as shock. So was
slamming the door in my face.
That was bad.
You thought I was gone.
- I don't know when
I last wore a dress.
I got something for you.
It's for you.
- How nice. You're
not going to k*ll me.
- [laughs] It wouldn't
hold up in court.
- What's this?
- Hemp.
- It looks harmless enough.
It's quite pretty, actually.
Is that a new song?
You want to see it?
[paper rustling]
It does not take you long
to make poetry out
of a conversation.
- Now to come up
with the melody.
[Logan sighs]
Go work in my garden.
Chinese herbs need to
work in combination.
Just don't ask me to
pronounce the names.
- How do you know
which combinations?
- I got nothing better
to do than study.
I'll let you pick some
weeds, if you like.
I feel so honored.
Just toss them in there.
No, it wasn't even open.
[Star laughing]
You missed that totally.
There you go, wow.
[Logan whistling cheerfully]
I haven't whistled
since I was a kid.
- Pretty good at it.
You can do a little jig.
Ha! I'm not the jig type.
Got some work to
do in the corral.
[melancholy guitar music]
Sorry about the limited menu.
It's nutritious.
Once I'm out of here,
I may never eat another
bean, gourmet or otherwise.
Since we're on the subject,
tell me something you've
learned from one of your books.
You want anything?
You avoiding my question?
We weren't on the subject.
I know, but we are now.
Seriously.
Why does getting to
know yourself matter?
I mean, you're a recluse,
and from what I can tell,
happy to stay that way,
so why all the effort?
- The human condition
doesn't interest you?
- I haven't given
it much thought.
- I got this book, "The
Body Keeps the Score".
It's by this Dutch shrink
who's writing about the
effects of trauma on the brain.
He says that the brain
is the only organ
that changes because
of experience.
Physically?
And at any age.
PTSD, it's a brain disorder.
That's why it's so
hard to overcome.
It's more than psychological.
And for kids that
have been traumatized,
I won't even go there.
- You don't have that
book on your shelf.
It's in my room.
Maybe I should read it.
God, I could sure use some
ice cream right about now.
[chirping continues]
[Logan laughing]
Which hand?
- My mom used to do that.
- Hurry!
That one!
Are you kidding me?
I was making a joke!
Where'd this come from?
- I guess you never
opened the freezer.
French vanilla?
It's my mom's favorite.
Been sitting in the
freezer for over a year.
- Are you serious?
Tastes fine to me.
It's frozen.
- I can't believe this.
You don't want any?
I'll save it for you.
Heading to Lordsburg today.
I told you things I'd
never told anyone.
I figured I wasn't ever
going to see you again,
so what the hell?
I thought it would feel
uncomfortable, but I was wrong.
- Are you leading
up to something?
My mom.
We had a very
close relationship,
but it was not always
easy, not for me.
She
was a...
Lady of the night, that's
what she called it.
That's how she supported us.
That swing?
When I was a boy, I'd
be sent to my room,
but I'd sneak out the window
and I'd come watch my mom
with men,
so many different men.
And it squeaked then, too.
I never sat on that
swing until you came.
Kind of noticed.
- That restaurant I was
going to take you to earlier,
El Charro?
My mother was very
popular there. She...
It's where the old
railroad men hung out.
She'd eat with them,
and then she'd just
bring them back here.
Then she'd drive them back.
Sometimes she'd
bring three home.
My father was one of those men.
My mother was 38
when I was born.
She was loving to you, though?
I was her one true love.
She bought me a pony, then
she bought me a horse.
She'd take me to
rodeos, you know?
It was just the two of us.
- It's not that traumatic
for you after all.
No, no, it was...
It was plenty traumatic. I'm
not kidding myself about that.
To see my mom with all those
men all over her, come on!
Quite the story, Logan.
Here I thought Afghanistan
was the source of your PTSD.
- That's just the
source of my nightmares.
- [Star] Nice to
have a loving parent.
[Logan sighs]
[no audio]
You okay?
- Strange it was the swing that
made you feel uncomfortable,
not the other bedroom.
- I never saw what
went on in there.
Didn't occur to me till I
was older that anything did.
It was all about that swing.
[melancholy jazz music]
[melancholy music continues]
My heart is sad
and I'm all alone
My man's treating me mean
I regret the day
that I was born
And the man I ever seen
My happiness is less today
My heart is broke,
that's why I say
That was a pleasant surprise.
- Little lady, you
outdid yourself.
Bessie would agree, that
was quite the performance.
You consider me
your biggest fan.
- That did me in.
Guess I'm not 100% yet.
- As far as I'm
concerned, you're 200%.
I was a total jerk the
other day. I'm sorry.
- It's okay.
- It's not okay.
Just went to autopilot again.
Mother used to entertain her
gentlemen friends with Bessie.
And you keep the albums?
Of course.
- I don't even know
your name, but,
I think I'll call you Trixie.
I'm not sure how
I feel about you,
but I think you live
life on your own terms.
Is that a good thing?
What's your plan for today?
- I think I'll teach
myself Swahili.
Swahili? Are you serious?
Ha! Of course not.
- You think you're funny.
- I am funny.
- So why don't we check what's
going on with the virus?
Like, when can we start
living a normal life again?
- You really want to go
back to your normal life?
This is normal for me.
- I'm not suffering, but
I can't stay here forever.
Well, you might consider it.
- Don't. Don't even
think about it.
[Logan sighs]
[chirping continues]
Here.
I think I pulled a Logan. Sorry.
Been talking to your mother.
She's worried about you.
- Yeah? You're
talking to my mother?
I see. What's she worried about?
- I'm not sure yet, but I
don't even know her name.
You psychic or something?
Well, her name's Dixie.
I thought she said Trixie.
- You're freaking me out.
- Good.
- Today it's your turn.
- For what?
- [Logan] Tell me things
about you, you keep avoiding.
Don't you have a farm to farm?
I took the day off.
Or maybe you'd love to learn
how to saddle a horse
right about now.
That's my vote.
[Star grunts]
I don't think I could swing
this up and over like you do.
[melancholy music]
- Next the cinch. Not
too loose, not too tight.
Before you get on, you
want to double check it.
Gilda likes to blow up her
belly when you first cinch her.
After she relaxes, it
gets double tightened.
[melancholy music continues]
[melancholy music continues]
- Logan, I should
have told you before,
but my body's off limits
to men, all men.
My father, 180 from your mother.
Jeffrey Epstein of Dubuque.
Who's that?
Bad guy.
- So where do you see
yourself in the future?
Single? With a woman?
- Not a woman. I don't
travel down that lane.
Makes things a lot
simpler, I guess.
I don't have a clue
about my future.
- It's not much, but I
thought I had all I needed
until you waved me down.
- Funny, I don't
remember it that way.
I think I'd like a kid,
though, someday. Maybe two.
I hated being an only child.
I loved it.
You still haven't told
me about your future.
What kind of tree is this?
Tamarisk.
- It's beautiful. We
don't get them in Dubuque.
- Reason enough to
consider my almost offer.
[cheerful guitar music]
Leah was a girl I wanted
She was strong
while I was kind
We played on the
same old team
And we chased the
same old dreams
I'm working on Leah's song.
That's what it's
called, Leah's Song.
Did I inspire you?
You did.
- When you talked
about your future,
you didn't mention
the word music.
You're not giving up, are you?
- God, no. Even if I have
to wait tables forever.
I'll always write and sing.
I just thought you
wanted to know-
Right, right.
I just think with those
songs and your voice,
it's just a matter of time.
- You think?
- I know.
I won't let you give up.
- You won't let me give up,
here, in the middle of nowhere?
Nowhere, closest
town, population 101?
Thanks for the compliment,
but the other
bedroom's calling me.
You really talk to my mom?
- I do. In fact,
she's expecting me.
Please just stay.
Please just stay, just
a little while longer.
Please.
[chirping continues]
Now would be a good time-
To what?
To tell me about Dubuque.
You don't give up, do you?
I ran away five years ago.
Yes, to get famous,
but mostly to escape
my father raping me
while telling me we
were doing God's work.
He was a pastor, like I said.
Jesus, Star.
Did your mother know?
- I don't know, she
left when I was 11.
Did you hear from her?
Never.
Was she a good mom?
When she was sober.
- How old were
you when it began?
It gets worse.
He assured me that we
were doing God's will,
and I believed him.
He was a pastor, right?
So as awful and as
painful as it was,
I was proud, maybe
even a little smug,
that at my age, I was
fulfilling God's will!
I'll be gone sooner
rather than later.
I'd want me gone, too.
It's okay.
I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.
- I've never told
anyone this before.
[melancholy guitar music]
I've been knocked
down my whole life
Windows closed,
doors shut tight
But you shone out
from the crack,
Now you're
calling to come out
You're my best
friend in disguise
My soulmate from
another time
'Cause I was running away
Now I'm here to stay
You picked me up in
your pickup truck
There's nothing
for us to say
We were running away
[melancholy music]
As the days go by
The reason why
I fall for you
I see you, I see only you
As I'm walking
around the room
So much is clear in my eyes
You're the one that
brightens up the night
You bring me to life
I knew you now and then
You keep me warm
until the end
Oh, I loved you from
the very first moment
You made me laugh
Now and then
I see you, I see only you
As I'm walking
around the room
So much is clear in my eyes
You're the one that
brightens up the night
You bring me to life
I see you, I see only you
As I'm walking
around the room
So much is clear in my eyes
You're the one that
brightens up the night
You bring me to life
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Crossroads, The (2024)
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