Boy kaldag (2024)

[bunniefuu]

Hang in there!

Don't go to the light

just yet, okay?

Please!

One, two, three, push!

Come on! One more!

One, two, three, push!

I'm Dax,

short for Dakila Dakobuto.

And I'm here to share

the strange story of my life,

which all boils down to

having an unusually large manhood.

Yes,

I'm talking about my p*nis.

It won't come out!

Something's blocking it!

Let's just do a C-section!

Damn you, Doc!

I don't want a C-section,

I can't afford it!

Son of a b*tch, we can do this!

Nurse Gina, give us a hand!

Okay. One, two, three, push!

One more time. One, two, three, push!

There it is! I can see the head!

There it is! Pull it out!

From the moment I entered this world,

the doctors and nurses at the

hospital went bonkers.

Turns out, the reason

it wasn't easy to pull me out

was because something big

was blocking the way.

They were stunned because, as a baby,

I already had an unusually large p*nis.

Nothing about its size was normal.

And because my mother endured

a difficult childbirth,

she died.

It's my first time to see her face

in this flashback.

So this is where my chaotic life begins.

Yes, that's me!

The Mola Adventure of Boy Kaldag!

Ah!

Next!

[groaning]

Chew your guava leaves.

It hurts!

Ouch!

Next!

Chew your guava leaves.

Ouch!

It hurts!

Next!

Chew your guava leaves.

Holy sh*t!

Your d*ck is enormous.

This wont do.

I'll switch to this.

I have this thing.

Let's use this instead.

It's big enough.

This should work

for that huge thing.

Alright.

Next!

Why didn't you get circumcised

when you were a kid?

I was scared!

Take it easy.

- Yeah!

- That's huge!

It's just right for you!

You're a grown man!

Is Miss Salome not ready yet?

She's almost ready.

- Really?

- But...

Let's do something while waiting.

Wanna do a quick PikPok video?

Pikpok...

Check it out.

You've got endorsement

shoots lined up, Dax.

You've got Robooster.

It's supposed to boost your libido

and make your p*nis grow big.

You know what that's about.

Wait, there's more.

Here's another: Super Jumbo Hotdog.

Pak! Pak! Pak!

And you've got some coffee products.

This one supposedly has ginseng

and something called kantot ali.

Hey, hey, hey.

Pretty sure it's not kantot ali.

It's tongkat ali, dude.

- The hell, are you an idiot?

- Tongkat ali?

Yeah, it's tongkat ali.

Tongkat ali, oh yeah, that's right.

Oh!

What about you? What's that?

An ice bag?

Are we also endorsing ice bags now?

That's not a bag of ice.

That's a condom.

Look closer.

They're launching a new product.

The Jumbo Condom.

The condom made for super-sized c*ck.

It's perfect for you.

Alright, that's crazy.

Sir Dax, they are ready.

Ms. Salome wants you now.

- Oh, really?

- You can go in now.

- Yes, sir.

- Okay.

Hello, hello, hello.

Are the kids asleep?

Because your naughty podcast is back

where all the nasty things you've been

hushing and shushing about

we're here to shout out loud.

My name is Salome Salvi,

I'm a pornographic actress,

and welcome to my podcast:

Sshhh!

With 20 million followers,

man, it was incredibly hard

to track him down.

Please welcome,

the Kaldag King himself!

The one and only

Dax!

Hi, Salome. I'm very honored to be a guest

on your podcast.

No, no. I'm the one

who's honored

that you chose us

as your first guesting.

But, I get it.

It's Salome, duh!

Now, I invited you here

just to ask one question.

Is it really as big as they say it is?

I'm so embarrassed.

That's really your first question?

Well,

see it for yourself.

Just see?

I don't want to just see it!

I wanna touch it,

I wanna feel it,

I wanna taste it!

And I want to see that legendary

thrust in person.

Wait... Are you blushing?

It's so hot in here.

We're only just starting and

you're already making me sweat.

Oh, don't be nervous.

It's just me.

Of course, you're here

because every woman

and the entire q*eer community

are curious about the real Boy Kaldag

behind your videos.

So, tell us your story.

Today, I'm going to strip you down.

Tell us

where you came from

and why your package is so big?

What were your mother's cravings?

I was just a simple kid.

I lost my mom early.

I never met my dad.

It was my aunt who raised me.

But I must admit,

my childhood wasn't easy.

Even as a kid,

this thing has been a big problem for me.

You know what I mean.

A big problem?

How can that be a problem?

It's every man's dream!

To be blessed with a monstrous c*ck!

What happened in your childhood

that made you call your unusually

large package a curse?

Ever since I was a kid,

everyone in our village

would whisper about my big d*ck.

Actually, anyone who lays eyes on it,

be it doctors, or nurses,

even when I got circumcised,

all their jaws would drop to the floor.

Because at a very young age,

I've been using adult-sized briefs.

There was a time

back when I was in high school,

they've always thought of me as a pervert.

Even my teacher.

I'll never forget it.

Dax.

Dax!

Dax Dakila!

Are you listening to me?

Um, yes, ma'am.

You naughty little rascal.

Why do you keep staring at my skirt?

Aren't you too young to be a peeping Tom?

Ma'am...

Whoa!

Quiet! Quiet!

I wasn't peeping.

Don't lie to me. I've been watching you

stare between my skirt.

I was just staring into space.

I was thinking about the answer.

Don't give me some lame excuse.

You're telling me

you're concentrating.

Just admit you were peeping!

Whoa!

You've been repeating your school year

because all you do is be naughty.

[students laughing]

Ma'am, you can't prove

that I was peeping.

I don't have a pink eye.

I can report you to the principal

or the Department of Education.

This is student brutality.

I don't have proof?

Stand up!

Stand up.

Whoa!

Get up!

- Stand up!

- Stand up!

I'm already up, ma'am.

[students laughing]

- Dax Batuta! Dax Batuta!

- Dax Batuta! Dax Batuta!

- Dax Batuta! Dax Batuta!

- Dax Batuta! Dax Batuta!

- Dax Batuta! Dax Batuta!

- Dax Batuta! Dax Batuta!

- Dax Batuta! Dax Batuta!

- Dax Batuta! Dax Batuta!

- Dax Batuta! Dax Batuta!

- Dax Batuta! Dax Batuta!

Ah, jeez. Boys will be boys.

You really start young.

You didn't have porn streaming back then,

that's why you fantasized

about your teacher.

Your teacher was probably

as sexy as Angeli Khang.

Yes, but I cried back then.

I was so embarrassed

in front of my classmates.

When I got home,

I asked my aunt.

I'm winning!

It's catching up!

No cheating!

Under letter N, thirty-three!

For Christ's sake.

You're back too early!

Hey!

Go back to school!

Look at this kid!

You cut classes, didn't you?

Hey! Answer me!

I'm talking to you!

I said answer me...

Auntie, they were laughing at me at school.

They're calling me Dax Batuta.

Auntie.

Why is it that when my thing gets angry,

it gets so big?

It's so embarrassing in class.

You!

You're a grown man and

you're still so sensitive!

Well, you do have a big d*ck!

So what if they tease you about it?

It's true, though, isn't it?

You've got a huge package.

Stop being so dramatic!

I don't want to see you crying!

Even if they call you Dax Batuta, so what?

That thing.

That thing will bring you success one day!

Because it's extraordinary!

You've been blessed.

Don't you think so? So don't get

upset when they call you big d*ck.

It's true. Why should you be upset?

Even my aunt couldn't explain it.

She didn't know what to tell me.

But I'm so grateful for her.

Even though my father left me,

and my mother passed away,

she was the only one who

truly cared for and raised me.

My Auntie Dolor loved me so much.

You're so lucky to have

a strong Auntie Dolor

who cared so much about you

and raised you as her own.

Sorry, you've been packing since birth.

How was your teenage years?

I'm wondering

about your first time.

Hey! That's one of Direk Roman's films!

First Time! Watch out for it in theaters.

So, let's talk about your first time,

if you don't mind.

When? Who? Where? How?

You know, the title of

this podcast is Shhh!,

but there's no shushing those secrets!

Well, Salome...

The truth is,

I don't really want to

revisit that chapter of my life.

Because it was so embarrassing

and traumatic.

I understand.

Well,

when it comes to trauma,

you don't have to talk about it

if you don't want to.

No pressure.

But honestly,

a lot of people are curious about

how you first became aware,

and how Dax's big d*ck woke up.

How do I even begin

It's really embarrassing, I promise.

But,

here's how it went...

When I was 16 years old,

we were doing a bit better financially.

My Aunt Dolor had managed

to buy a small two-door apartment

through selling tocino, tapa,

longganisa, and other products.

She had saved enough to send me

to a private school.

But that day,

we didn't have classes.

And there was a water shortage in our area.

So Aunt Dolor asked me

to fetch some water from

the pump down the street.

I'll never forget that day!

Something extraordinary happened to me.

Is somebody home?

Yes, what can I do for you, handsome?

I brought water for you.

My aunt told me to

bring it here in your unit

since water will run out at three o'clock.

Oh? Perfect timing.

I was about to take a bath.

Please bring it inside.

Okay, ma'am. I should be getting back.

Not so fast. Come here for a second.

Come into the bathroom.

Oh, here.

Use this to scrub my back.

I can't reach it.

sh*t! It's so big!

She wouldn't stop sucking me.

Turns out,

her retainer got stuck on my p*nis.

Whoa! For real?

Your little buddy is something else.

It was your first time

and it already gotten you into trouble.

Damn!

When your fans

hear about this,

you'll go viral again.

Poor Amanda.

What happened

to her mouth?

Did her jaw get dislocated?

Did it stretch out?

How was she?

What happened to her?

I can't even imagine.

Dax! Doc!

What happened to my nephew, Doc?

- Nurse! What happened?

- Ma'am, calm down.

Wait, wait. What happened?

Nurse! Nurse! Please, I need someone here.

Son of a b*tch!

Somebody call the guard.

What happened to you?

How did it happen?

Someone has recorded a video

of us in the hospital.

And that video went viral.

What have you done to my nephew?

Homer?

You b*tch!

Everyone has seen

what a sl*t you are!

Homer was furious.

He's Amanda's husband.

He suddenly came home

from working on a ship.

You b*tch! You shameless b*tch!

Damn you!

Damn you, stop it!

- Damn you, stop it!

- sh*t!

- Help!

- Screw you!

Somebody help me! Stop it!

Let's take this outside.

So the neighbors can see

- just how much of a monster you are!

- Let me go!

Stop it! Stop it!

Enough!

Homer, stop that!

- Your wife is getting hurt!

- Enough!

Help!

Stop it please!

You're such a piece of sh*t!

You haven't changed at all!

Stop hurting your wife!

Damn all of you!

Don't you dare interfere!

Your wife's already bleeding!

Which one of you dared

to mess with my wife?

Which one of you

screwed my wife?

Hey!

It's not me!

Not my nephew!

Leave him be! Homer!

Calm down. I'm telling you.

You'll end up k*lling your wife.

Not these kids!

Please, for God's sake, think twice.

Auntie? Auntie Dolor!

You stupid b*tch!

Damn you!

Help!

Screw you!

Amanda!

Move!

Amanda!

What? What!

Homer, stop it!

Damn you!

Come back here!

Homer was about to sh**t Amanda.

But wait!

There's more!

Suddenly,

a carriage shows up!

Like a knight in shining armor.

But the horse got startled.

It kicked Amanda in the head.

And that's what ended up

k*lling Amanda!

Well,

that escalated in a way I did not expect!

That's morbid as f*ck!

I agree.

Until now,

I still feel sad whenever

I remember that story.

Like it was all my fault.

Anyway, after that,

I started avoiding women.

I got scared!

I even went soul-searching.

I didn't think of getting a girlfriend.

I just started going out

alone back in college.

I mean, I got seriously traumatized.

I would just avoid women in general.

I would watch movies by myself.

I hang out with myself.

No dates!

I don't want to be around women.

Because all they see me as one thing!

A walking giant d*ck!

Oh,

I don't want to die.

Mister.

Please have mercy on me.

I don't have money for the fare.

You think you could

spare a few coins for me?

Come on, mister.

Please, I'm begging you.

Hey! I know this one!

sh*t, I've seen this movie before!

It was good.

That's how you men are.

All you care about is our p*ssy.

Once you get what you want,

you just leave us behind.

Tomorrow, you'll be gone.

Where are you guys going, and how many?

Miss.

I'll cover your fare.

Here.

To Nueva Segovia.

Nueva Segovia?

This route's just to Fairview.

Wait, Miss. Do you even know him?

Oh! No, sir. He just sat down here.

Miss.

Weren't you asking me for a free ride?

You seem like a r*pist.

Treat her to the fare,

then buy her a cellphone.

Oh, then you'll take her to a motel.

I'm gonna call the cops on you!

Come on, Boss.

I'm not a bad person.

- Miss, please.

- Bro!

- Pull over. We have a pervert here.

- Is this a prank?

- I'm not a pervert. Believe me.

- Bro, stop the bus, we got a pervert.

Oh, please, mister.

I don't believe in guys like you anymore.

Just look at your raging hard-on!

Jeez.

Men like you, really.

This life is crazy.

I keep getting mistaken for a pervert.

Why does this have to be so big?

So, does that mean...

After your first time with Amanda,

you never went for any other woman?

You said you got traumatized.

Yes, Salome.

I'm ashamed to say it,

but things weren't that simple.

No matter how much I avoid women or danger,

I seem to keep attracting them.

I thought what happened with Amanda

was an isolated case.

But don't be surprised, Salome, okay?

I've got a big revelation for you.

Oh, we're getting

serious now.

And what is that big revelation of yours?

Because your big fan base

is excited to know all

about your big secrets.

Salome, do you believe in curses?

In bad luck?

- In curses?

- Of course.

Like when someone hexes you?

Or a spell? A spell!

But why are you asking?

Me and my friends have a hunch,

that having a huge d*ck such as mine

is one huge curse.

Imagine.

Everyone who has sex with me dies.

Because after Amanda,

someone else died.

Another girl who got involved with me.

Alexa.

Alexa was my classmate in college.

She was one of the

hottest chick on campus.

It was a Saturday when

I got a call from her.

She said

we needed to finish our project.

Our group mates were

already at her house.

I should just head over there.

You're taking this too seriously.

Why not have another beer?

I'm okay, Alexa.

I just need to finish this so I can leave.

My aunt is probably looking for me.

Come on.

Take a break.

Stay here for the night.

Just text your aunt tomorrow.

Hey!

Alexa!

What are you doing?

Why?

Am I not allowed to touch this?

And this? Is this off-limits too?

Not there!

What if someone sees us?

What if your boyfriend finds out?

Huh? Boyfriend?

Don't mind him.

He won't find out.

What about your parents?

What if they wake up?

They're in Baguio.

Attending a retreat.

My dad's a pastor.

It's just us here.

That's why I invited you guys over

to work on our project.

And anyway, I spiked the beers

so our classmates would pass out.

I'm leaving.

Hold up!

I want to see your truth.

My truth?

Yes.

Jumbo!

Are you a god?

Guys! Guys!

Look at this!

Look!

Haven't you heard?

Heard what?

Haven't you heard, Dax?

It's Alexa!

What happened to Alexa?

She died.

She died?

Yes! I'm not even kidding.

It's all over campus.

I thought you knew!

Hey,

don't look at me like that.

I swear, I had nothing

to do with her death.

No one should find out what happened

between me and Alexa.

I might get in trouble for this, guys.

Don't worry, Dax.

I believe you.

But

what could have been

the cause of her death?

We should find out

how she died.

But haven't we already proven that?

That you're different.

We didn't have any tests.

You're deadly!

Deadly!

I'm serious, guys.

No one should know what happened

between me and Alexa

before she died.

Okay.

So, how did she die?

And do you think her death

had something to do with

the curse you mentioned?

Actually,

we went to Alexa's wake.

And that's where her mother

shared the real cause of her death.

Are you friends of hers?

Yes, ma'am.

Just stay here.

Don't go inside.

She told us

she was just gonna go out to eat.

So we let her.

But when she got home that Sunday,

she kept throwing up

and was feeling dizzy,

so we took her to the hospital

to check if it was food poisoning.

But it got worse.

Her fever went up.

She was shivering and had chills.

We didn't expect it at all.

That guy, Tom,

turned out to be a bad

influence on our daughter.

That's why. That's what happened.

She lost her life.

It's so painful.

What...

What was the cause of death?

They said it was tetanus.

Tetanus?

You idiot.

What did you do?

You probably gave her tetanus.

What's wrong with your p*nis?

Do you even wash it?

They said the couple got matching tattoos.

And according to the doctor,

that's what infected my daughter.

So I'm sorry, okay.

I really can't let you in.

Oh, man. I'm glad it

wasn't my fault after all.

So after Alexa,

who was the next one

to taste your eggplant?

You mentioned something about

a g*y professor that you had.

Did something happen between you two?

And,

did he die, too?

Yeah.

I honestly don't know

why this keeps happening to me, Salome.

Why?

What exactly happened between you two?

It was during college,

my last semester.

I really needed to pass my thesis.

This shameless professor of mine, I mean,

may he rest in peace...

Or honestly, hell's fine, too.

He was going to fail me in my thesis.

Because he didn't

like the topic I chose.

And then,

he started obsessing over my little guy.

Imagine,

he wanted to give me a blowjob.

He wanted to taste me.

and my legendary big junior.

He molested me.

I couldn't do anything.

He even did it

inside our faculty room.

Oh my God

I felt so ashamed of myself back then.

Oh, no!

What a lucky guy! Kidding!

That's a really bad joke, actually.

In truth,

I'm so sorry that happened to you.

He shouldn't have taken advantage

of you like that.

Everyone.

We do not condone

sexual harassment

on this podcast, alright?

Anyway,

I hope that

you have started to

heal from this incident.

So this perverted professor of yours,

how did your cursed d*ck take him out?

We just heard about it on TV.

It was in the news.

Damn, that guy got wrecked.

Totally wrecked!

Wrecked!

Hey!

In breaking news,

a college professor from

St. Dominic University has died

because of a Hungarian sausage.

Identified as Borgie Grabador,

the deceased passed away after joining

a Hungarian sausage mukbang contest

held earlier today.

Oh, so after he called

you to the faculty room,

he told you he was

really into giant sausages?

Grabador won the contest,

but he suddenly collapsed

because someone had laced

his favorite sausage with poison.

When we interviewed the suspect,

he said that Professor Borgie Grabador

had abused

his younger sibling

in exchange for a

passing grade in a subject.

Other former and current

students of Grabador

also came forward, saying this professor

was truly a sexual predator,

so he deserved to die.

What the hell.

So you weren't the only one

he took advantage of, huh?

Because of what he did

to one of his students,

that's what happened to him.

Damn, bro!

You're amazing!

Not only did you pass your thesis,

you're a hero, too.

Imagine, the curse is gone now.

What's wrong?

Why you don't look happy?

- Isn't that a good thing?

- Don't you like it?

You got even with him!

Guys,

I can't take this anymore.

The guilt is eating me alive.

This really is a curse.

I don't want to be like this anymore.

Everyone who gets

involved with me dies.

I don't even know why

this is happening to me.

Is it because of my huge d*ck?

Do I need to get checked

to find out what's really going on?

Maybe you know someone?

I think, Dax,

I know someone who can help you.

Huh? Let's go!

Just come with me and trust me.

Alright, bro.

Whatever it takes,

as long as I find the answer,

I'll go with you.

Damn!

This is freaking me out.

Maybe you can comfort me?

Just kidding!

But,

the curse on your d*ck is something else.

It's not just bad luck.

It's actually fatal.

Your body count,

is literally a body count.

And I can feel the guilt

is weighing on you.

And, I'm sure that you

want the deaths to stop.

Were there any steps that you took

to banish the curse?

Did you try seeking help

from someone who could assist you?

You're gonna laugh, Salome.

Bro, do you remember this?

Who are they?

Maybe they're with Tata Esteban?

Do you recognize this place, bro?

But I think...

Maybe, we should just follow them.

Tata Esteban.

Here.

Is that Tata Esteban?

The cult leader?

I only got to meet the cult director.

That's Tata Esteban.

A skilled healer

and a well-known shaman.

Let me guess.

You're here

because you need to consult me

about something.

That's right, Tata Esteban.

It's because one of you

has a power

that brings misfortune.

A man whose huge d*ck

brings bad luck to the women

he sleeps with.

Am I right?

You're right, Tata Esteban.

And this man's name

is Dakila Dakobuto.

- He knows who you are.

- Am I correct?

Yes, Tata Esteban.

You're amazing, sir, Tata Esteban.

How did you even know why we're here?

Simple.

Right here.

Your friend sent me a message.

- You like that?

- You b*stard.

We thought he knew everything.

Come closer, son.

Go.

Let's get this over with.

I need to take some of your hair,

nose hair, spit,

and pubes.

- Just give it to him.

- Spit on this leaf.

- Are you sure about this?

- Just do it.

sh*t, this is disgusting.

Here you go.

What are you going to do with that?

Using your hair,

nose hair,

spit, pubes, and this leaf,

I'm going to turn it into betel chew

- Huh?

- Yuck.

That's nasty.

And as I chew it,

my powers will grow stronger!

[chanting]

He seems like a pervert.

[chanting]

Fairies!

[chanting]

[chanting]

Oh, sh*t, a horse!

Dax, believe it or not,

I can see a person's past.

I can see, Dax,

that your big d*ck is

something you inherited

from your father.

When your grandmother

was pregnant with your father,

she became very fond of horses.

And the gossip goes,

your grandma Cita was obsessed

with this one particular horse.

Rumors say,

your grandpa Jose's pet horse

was the one that actually

mated with your grandma,

not your grandpa.

So, Dax,

your father was born

with horse-like p*nis.

Which he then passed on to you.

Your dad

was also known as

Tatay Mola?

Tatay Mola?

Tatay Kabayo!

Shut up! Stop interrupting!

Tata's talking!

What Tatay Mola are

you even talking about?

That's from another universe.

Anyway, to continue,

I can see that your massive junk

came from your father,

whose size was also horse-like.

But,

aside from your mother,

there's another woman.

your father slept with.

They were neighbors back then.

And because of your father's big manhood,

the woman couldn't handle it.

It k*lled her.

What did he say?

Out of her parent's anger,

they cursed your father

when they found out

that his partner was pregnant.

So you, Dax,

are believed to be

the product of the curse.

It seems you also inherited

the karma or power

that was meant for your father,

Tatay Kabayo.

This is all bullshit.

My father is a Japanese.

That's what Auntie Dolor told me.

She said my mom got pregnant

when she worked in a club in Subic.

That's why my last name is Dakobuto.

Maybe you're just misreading

your vision, Tata Esteban.

You know what, guys?

Let's just leave.

- He's just messing with us.

- Wait! Wait!

Dax,

the curse won't break

if it doesn't come from your heart

to break it.

Sorry,

but I don't think you've helped me

find the answers I'm looking for.

If anything,

you've just added more questions

to my mind.

Thank you, sir. We're leaving.

Wait, hold up!

Hold up!

What now?

You haven't paid me yet.

You b*stards!

You're just gonna leave like that?

- Pay him.

- Pay me before you go.

Come on.

Here.

Come on, let's go.

- Wait. Wait.

- Son of b*tch! what now?

- Sorry, sir.

- Screw you, too.

Well...

The deal with your friend was 700.

Why is this only 500?

Dax, just pay him.

It's supposed to be 1000.

Tata Esteban just had a flash sale,

so give him 700.

I don't have enough cash.

Can I just pay through Ecash?

Oh, sure.

Just scan my QR code.

Huh? He's updated!

Damn.

Alright.

- Can we go now?

- Yeah, get out of here.

Let's go, let's go.

Your life is so damn funny, Dax.

So colorful.

It's like everyone

you encounter

has their own brand of bullshit.

But you know, going to the shaman,

I actually think that

was a brilliant idea,

even if he didn't really help much.

Your minds are wild.

My buddies are nuts.

Please bear with us.

So, after all those crazy adventures,

how did you reverse the bad luck

brought by your d*ck?

Because look at you now.

You're a star.

You're the Kaldag King of PikPok.

You've got tons of followers.

Loads of endorsements.

Looks like your life is all good now.

Let our listeners learn your secret.

How did you turn your bad luck

to good fortune?

You know, Salome,

it was just Him.

Just lift up everything you're carrying,

and He'll take care of it all.

Sorry, Lord. Please forgive me!

Lord, I don't like

where my life is going.

I'm looking for answers to my questions.

Lord,

am I just unlucky?

No matter what they say,

whether it's true

or just coincidence,

please, Lord,

change my life.

Help me break this damn curse on me.

Please give me a chance, Lord.

Please, Lord.

I'm begging you.

Lord, what's happening?

My d*ck is so small, Lord.

My wife isn't happy with it.

Lord, please find a way

for my d*ck to grow, Lord.

Lord, I hope my d*ck will get hard again.

It's been ten years since my d*ck

stopped getting hard, Lord.

Lord, please

let me get my neighbor, Inday.

Why I am hearing their prayers?

My worries are looking pretty small now.

Lord. I take back everything.

In a flash,

just because of my heartfelt prayer to God

to change the course of my life,

He leads us to PikPok.

It's been a few months

after college graduation.

With the current job market,

we've been idle for months.

So?

Did you guys find anything yet?

Not yet, bro.

I thought by now,

after graduating,

we'd have a job already.

Me too.

Nothing at all, bro.

- It's tough.

- You know, instead of stressing out,

let's just order.

Gorgeous!

Gorgeous!

You really are gorgeous.

Hey.

Are you ordering, sir?

Have Scottie order. I'm busy.

Give it to me. I'll order.

Hey.

Order for me, too, bro. Order for me.

Cheese stick and sizzling pork sisig.

Cheese stick and sizzling pork sisig.

Fried pork and tofu for me.

- It's my favorite.

- Fried pork and tofu.

and marinated wild boar.

Give me that. And then

We need beers, bro.

Oh, beer. I want one, too.

Give us a case of beer, okay?

We'll order more later.

Make it quick, okay?

- We're really thirsty.

- You sons of b*tches.

You've been here for ten years.

Always adding to your tabs.

You never pay up.

Hey! Where are you going?

Hey! Here it is! Hey!

Gorgeous! Come on!

You're acting all coy.

Come on.

Dax will take care of you, alright?

Oh! Dax!

- You handle that.

- Why me?

You handle it, come on.

- You're the big shot here.

- Gorgeous!

Hey.

sh*t, that's big.

As big as a PVC.

You'll get dizzy with that!

- Gorgeous!

- I'm always the one getting screwed.

I'll make a video of you.

Who's got the big d*ck here?

I'm always the one getting screwed, man.

It's getting hard now.

Alright!

- So we can order already.

- Get our order.

You sure?

Yes.

What else do you want?

We already told you.

Sisig, cheese stick.

Get our order.

- That's it.

- Processing order.

Get him.

- There you go.

- Okay.

- Thanks!

- Alright!

- Bye!

- Bye!

You're something else, Gorgeous!

You know, in the middle of all this,

nobody wants to hire us.

So,

we decided to try something wild.

There we go!

And the rest is history.

I guess getting a job

wasn't in our cards yet.

So one day,

out of boredom,

we decided to record a PikPok video!

Bro,

what are you watching?

These guys are funny.

Look, bro, so many views.

I guess these things are

trending in other countries.

Check it out.

Here's the catch.

Look at their outfits, bro.

Look! Boxer briefs!

- Look!

- Let me see!

Look at the d*ck!

Look at that d*ck, bro.

It's just swaying in all directions.

Dax can do that, easy.

God, yes. This is nothing to Dax.

If Dax gives this a try.

I'm telling you, bro.

We'll go viral overnight.

- Oh my god.

- Bro, that's it.

Why don't we try?

It's just 15 minutes of shame.

All you need is thick skin.

But if this works.

Damn. We could hit the jackpot with this.

This is it, bro. This is it.

- Let's go!

- What?

Let's do it.

Let's do it. Here.

Really? You're gonna make a PikPok video?

Come on, let me teach you.

There we have it.

We've got ourselves a choreographer.

What?

Follow my lead.

I'll do the choreo.

Stand up! Up!

Come on, Dax.

Dax, come on.

It's just for a few minutes.

You're fast, Gorgeous.

But it'd be better if you're naked.

What's happening?

- Us?

- Yes.

We'll go viral if we're naked.

Light it up.

PVC for real.

Make sure we go viral, okay?

Alright, I'll count. Hurry up.

Okay. Hold on.

- Take it slow.

- Is everyone ready?

One.

Two.

Three.

Four.

Feel it.

One more? One more, it's still messy.

- One more.

- Lift all of that up.

Something's gonna come out

when I lift this.

Somethings gonna come out.

Come on, one more.

One.

Two.

Three.

One.

Two.

Three.

Four.

Shout out to you

out there!

Damn, guys,

we didn't expect this.

Someone's asking

for a shout out.

Jane Sison.

Shout out to Dax.

Your d*ck's huge!

They say your

d*ck's huge, bro!

Damn, yeah.

- It's not even hard yet.

- Not hard.

That was an inspiring story, Dax.

From series of misfortunes,

you fought your way up

to success and fame.

I hope our listeners can see that

as long as you don't give up

and keep hustling,

the universe

will give you all the

blessings you deserve.

Because you bring so much joy.

Look at you now!

Kaldag King,

20 million followers,

loads of endorsements.

You made it! You're the real deal!

You know what?

Thank you for trusting me

with your story, Dax.

I've laughed a lot

and learned so much.

The pleasure's mine, Salome.

And thank you for

giving me this chance

to tell you my story.

My story.

And to your millions of viewers.

You're welcome.

And

I got one last question before we wrap up.

Are you ready?

What's the capital of Zimbabwe?

Kidding!

I'm just kidding.

I just really wanna know,

has the curse faded?

Has it made way for you

to fall in love with anyone?

Is there now a lucky person

who owns your d*ck and heart?

You're so funny, Salome.

Just a little.

But to answer your questions

All I know is,

it's better if no one owns

this package right now.

But, why?

This is better than

something happening again.

- I'd just blame myself.

- You have a point.

But to answer your question

about one true love

or someone special,

yeah, there was one girl.

I've loved her for a long time.

I just don't know where she is now.

It be like that sometimes.

But you know, I don't wanna end

the podcast on a sad note.

Maybe you could show us

your signature thrust?

Come on, just one. Just show us.

Hurry! Show us!

Show us the thrust! Show us the thrust!

Show us the thrust!

Show us the thrust!

Show us the thrust!

Just one! Come on!

Yeah!

Nice one!

That son of a b*tch is taking forever.

He hasn't come out yet.

What did they tell you?

They didn't tell me anything.

Just to wait out here.

The problem is, that girl he's with

is Salome Salvi.

Salome my a*s.

You think he's hitting it?

You know how he is.

Does he ever turn down anyone?

Damn it, Dax.

They're probably recording a PikPok video.

With a lot of thrusting.

Keep thrusting.

Hey,

can you let me experience that, too?

You wanna get cursed?

No, b*tch. I don't wanna die.

I just wanna see it.

Just a taste.

Just the tip. Five seconds.

No strings attached.

I should be safe from the curse

if it's just five seconds, right?

Look, he's getting mad now.

Not yet.

- It's not even hard yet.

- That's not the full size yet?

When I was in college,

I totally stayed away from girls.

Because,

aside from my embarrassing image

of me having a big d*ck,

the girls who got involved

with me ended up dying.

Even though,

I really like this

one girl in campus.

Bettina.

I dreamed of having

Bettina as my girlfriend.

But I didn't have the courage to ask her.

When I was waiting

for her in the hallway...

sh*t!

Turns outs, she already has a boyfriend.

Why do all the stories go like that?

It's always the quarterbacks

who get the cheerleaders, you know?

So clich.

But it's fine.

She'd be unlucky if

she ended up with me.

After graduation,

I never saw Bettina again.

I didn't even get to tell her

that I had a huge crush on her back then.

That she was my one true love.

sh*t! Yes!

What are you touching yourself for?

I'm right here.

Oh my God! Girl, hi!

Girl, hello! Hi!

- I'm Hershey.

- I'm Gorgeous.

- I'm Pam.

- Hello, how are you?

- Hi!

- You are?

I'm the manager of the Kaldag Boys.

Are the Kaldag Boys ready?

- Yes.

- Do they know what to do?

- You know what to do, right?

- Yeah!

- See you there.

- Sure.

Girls! The main event

for tonight is here.

Are you ready?

Yes!

Alright! Are you ready, Bettina?

Please welcome the PikPok sensation,

Kaldag King and the Kaldag Boys!

Oh my god!

Hi! You're?

Dax.

You look familiar.

Dax.

Make my friend happy, okay?

Take note. Be careful with her.

Her fiances a plastic surgeon.

Watch out.

It's gonna be your loss.

If he decides to cut that off.

Careful.

What happened?

How the hell did I get home?

Damn, Dax.

You were so wasted last night.

You passed out in Bettina's room.

You got the bride all to yourself.

You missed out on all the fun.

We were partying with the girls.

sh*t, your d*ck is a beast, dude.

You had to have a taste of the bride.

There.

They had to rush Bettina

to the hospital last night.

She bled out because of you, dude.

Huh?

Bettina was bleeding?

What happened?

Why can't I remember anything?

How could you remember

when you passed out last night?

Bettina got rushed to the hospital,

took Hershey

and her bodyguards with her.

What the hell did you do?

Why did you pass out like that?

It's your fault, bro.

You know you're a walking disaster.

And you still went for it.

Dax, if I were you,

stay away from Bettina.

Before it gets complicated.

Bettina's different.

What do you mean Bettina's different, bro?

Are you ready to gamble?

Are you ready to drag her

down with your mess?

I need to tell her.

How are you?

I got your address from Hershey.

Nice condo.

Do you live here alone?

I heard you were in

the hospital last night.

Sorry about that.

I didn't know.

So I'm your first?

What did you expect?

I don't sleep with just anyone.

Even with my boyfriend.

Well, I guess my parents are strict.

Very conservative.

And I always have bodyguards

watching over me.

But last night,

you know that feeling

like you finally broke free?

I felt free that night.

But don't worry.

You don't need to apologize.

I wanted it too.

It's me.

Hi.

I'm the problem. It's me.

Oh, really?

What about your fianc?

He cheats on me, too, anyway.

Seriously? He's playing you?

Do you know back in

University of St. Dominic,

I had the biggest crush on you?

Huh?

We went to the same university?

Yeah.

I watched you for years.

You were

a cheerleader of our pep squad,

remember?

I couldn't approach you back then

to introduce myself.

But I was a huge fan.

I even stole

your picture from the bulletin board

I would jerk off to it.

I would look at it at night.

Your picture.

That's why my picture disappeared

from the bulletin board?

You took it.

That's so naughty of you.

Sorry about that.

Who the hell was I back then?

I couldn't approach you.

I was shy.

Plus, you had a boyfriend back then.

Harry?

The...

varsity team captain.

Ah, I remember now.

There was this

famous urban legend in our school.

Boy Batuta?

Boy Batola?

Boy Talong, or something?

Don't tell me...

That was you?

Boy Kaldag now!

I can't believe it.

That I saw and experienced that.

And even touched it.

Imagine!

I couldn't take it.

- Bettina.

- Harry?

What the hell is this?

I just went to Singapore.

And you're doing God knows what.

Who the hell is this idiot?

Why are you letting random people

into your condo?

What the hell are you saying?

This is Dax, my guest.

I'm sorry, Dax.

What? Why are you apologizing to him?

Who the hell are you?

Do you even know me?

What do you think you're doing?

Did you bring food?

Are you a dancer?

What the hell?

- You b*stard.

- Enough, Harry.

- You wanna fight?

- Let him go.

Don't touch him.

Come on, throw him out.

Where are you taking him?

- Stop it!

- Let them be.

- No!

- Just let them be!

- Dax!

- Don't worry about him.

What the hell?

What are you doing?

Sit down here.

Since then,

I haven't heard anything from Bettina.

So, I just focused on work.

On making content.

Our post got a ton of likes.

Nice, nice!

Okay, cool.

Alright, I'll check.

I got this.

Isn't that five?

One night,

the cops suddenly broke in

and said they were charging us with a case.

They said we were

making explicit videos.

And we're involved in cybersex.

They said we were showing off our bodies

and performing sex acts.

These assholes.

They were framing us.

But it's strange,

they only took me with them.

No one make a move!

Dax! Dax!

Hey, where are you taking Dax?

Dax!

Stay! Don't follow us!

Where are you taking Dax?

You assholes!

Let me go.

sh*t!

sh*t!

sh*t!

Hi, Dax.

What do you want from me?

I brought wine.

Let's celebrate!

Who the hell are you?

Surprise!

Harry?

Is that you?

What? Are you going to fight back?

Let's see what you got.

We'll end you.

sh*t!

You love squeezing my ba*ls, huh?

Are you jealous?

Let me out of here!

Fight fair!

Listen to me, Dax.

Ever since I was a kid,

my dad trained me to be

a tough guy.

He wanted me to

be a soldier like him.

But that damn b*stard

would beat the sh*t out of me

every time I messed up.

He said I was his only son.

That I was supposed to be

a Boy Scout,

a CAT Corps Commander,

enroll in the military academy.

But I didn't want

to be a soldier, Dax.

That's why I played basketball.

So he couldn't force me

to join CAT or ROTC.

He dictated every move I made.

And up until now,

even that damn politics thing,

he keeps pushing me into it.

He wants me to be like him.

sh*t, Dax!

I'm a doctor!

And not just any doctor.

I'm a damn good doctor.

Because all I wanted for myself

was to be the most attractive man

in every woman's eyes.

That's all I want.

But despite all my efforts,

you

and those good-for-nothing PikPokerists,

who do nothing but

wave your dicks around,

you're still the ones they go crazy for!

Especially women!

And you didn't even work for it.

You just relied on fame.

What's the deal?

Diploma or hustle?

Do you know how many men

and influencers I've kidnapped?

Yeah, Dax!

And guess what,

I had them all k*lled!

Because I'm jealous of their fame.

I've been following you

for a long time, Dax.

I don't give a sh*t about you

or your dad.

I don't care!

I don't give a sh*t

about my dad either!

And in case you didn't know

he's gone now.

And here's the thing, come here.

Here's the thing, sis.

Bettina's gone too.

What the hell are you doing?

You got a private investigator

to spy on me?

What the hell are you talking about?

Don't play dumb.

I already know. They told me.

You think I don't know?

That you've been cheating on me?

I've known about that since college.

And I found out

from your bodyguards that,

every guy who comes near me,

you have them kidnapped and k*lled.

Bettina, sorry.

Mark, Kevin, Carlos!

Even my office mates!

Bettina, I'm sorry.

- Bettina, don't tell anyone.

- No!

Baby, I'm really sorry!

- I'm sorry.

- No.

I'm calling off the wedding.

Bettina, please.

Forgive me.

This isn't going anywhere.

Baby.

- The wedding is off.

- Bettina.

Bettina, sorry!

Bettina!

What?

What did you do to her?

You k*lled Bettina?

How could I not?

When you went to the condo,

you didn't bring any food.

So I finished her off.

Why did you have to do that?

There's nothing we can do, Dax.

She's dead.

Do you know I've been following you

for a long time?

I've watched all your PikPok videos.

That's why when I found out

you were at Bettina's bridal shower,

I immediately bought a ticket

to come back here.

But not for Bettina!

But because

I want to meet you personally, Dax.

But when I found out

what happened that night,

I got so jealous, Dax!

Wanna know why?

Because even I can admit it to myself,

that I can't give Bettina

the pleasure she's longing for.

I always avoided her

when she would try to seduce me

to sleep with her.

sh*t.

You know why?

You know why?

Because of this!

Because of this damn microdick!

It's so tiny!

That's why

I really want to get

that big d*ck of yours.

And

I'll attach it to mine.

Don't worry.

I'll replace yours with a kiffy.

Once I get it tonight,

you'll be next, after Bettina.

Screw you!

Screw you!

You're crazy! Screw you!

Screw you!

You're crazy!

Alright, strip him.

Wait.

I forgot something. Hold on.

So you won't feel anything.

What's happening?

Wait! That's mine!

Give it to me.

No!

No one else will benefit from this.

Don't!

Like in other movies,

the hero's torment is over.

And now,

a new morning,

a new beginning.

Thanks to my friends

who've been with me

since we were kids.

And of course,

thanks to my Auntie Dolor.

She's the one who took care of me,

raised me,

and watched me grow.

I don't mean my d*ck.

That one didn't need growing.

Auntie Dolor also told me

that my real father

isn't really Japanese.

She said she's found her

long-lost brother.

And now, my real dad's coming all the way

from Davao to visit me in Manila.

After so many years,

my dad finally mustered the courage

to face me and introduce himself.

This might be the happiest day of my life.

Ma'am, you have a visitor.

Okay, let him in.

Dax

This is your real dad.

Tatay Mola.

It's true.

A horse?

Sir?

Sir?

Sir?

Wake up.

The doctor is here.

What's that?

Here's what we removed from you.

We're returning it now.

Don't!

Cut!

The kid's got a hard-on.

Let's do another take.

One.

Two.

Three.

sh*t, I told you.

Dax is too heavy.

Hey! What the hell!

Focus!

It's a horse!