01x15 - Basic Spraining

[bunniefuu]

♪ Once upon a time in Toontown ♪

♪ There was a cat that had it all ♪

♪ Fortune and fame, top of the game ♪

♪ Up until he hit the wall ♪

♪ Now he makes a livin' downtown ♪

♪ Walkin' on a brand new beat ♪

♪ Slippin' through the new day
Trippin' on a two-way ♪

♪ Ticket down a one-way street
Beep beep beep ♪

♪ Who's that cat ♪

[siren]

♪ Crackin' up crime? ♪

♪ Stoppin' the clock ♪

[clock ticking]

♪ Hope he gets here on time ♪

[old car horn]

-♪ Let's go--
-Bonkers ♪

♪ Yeah! Totally nuts ♪

-♪ Bonkers
-No ifs, ands or but buts ♪

- ♪ Bonkers
-Someone's stealin' the show ♪

♪ Can't stay, I gotta go, go! Oh, no! ♪

-♪ Bonkers
-Things gettin' outta control ♪

♪ Now you're caught in a trap
Ready to snap ♪

♪ Snappin' the cap
And you're takin' the rap ♪

♪ But ya can't hold back ♪
That wacky attack ♪

♪ That's why you're still a star ♪

-♪ 'Cause you're--
-Bonkers ♪

-♪ Bonkers
-Bonkers ♪

♪ Bonkers ♪

♪ Wherever you-- wherever you--
♪ Wherever you-- ♪

♪ Wherever you are ♪

♪ Bonkers ♪

[dispatcher] Repeat, all available units!

Suspect of federal reserve bank break-in
described as wearing clown costume,

driving late-model red sedan.

-All units handle code three.
-[police sirens]

[Bonkers] Yes, you got him! The crook
nobody can catch. Slippery McSlime!

Yeah, I can see the headlines,

-Crafty cop corners creepy crook.
-Not.

-My partner, going down in police history!
-Police history.

We're closing in now! He can't escape you!

Yeah, speedometer says 20! Try 200!

Can we get some speed here?

Don't be stingy with that gas pedal! Zoom!

Let her rip!

We're looking for a clown,
not a little old lady from Pasadena.

Police rule number 27.


No using your badge as a paint scraper?

No chasing the wrong crook!

Look, you want to be my partner?
You gotta know the rules.

Now study!

[Bonkers] But it has to be McSlime!

Whoever heard of a little old lady
from Pasadena driving

like Parnelli Jones?

[Lucky] What are you doing?

[Bonkers] Keeping the city safe
from slimes like McSlime.

[Lucky] Whoa-a-a!

[screaming]

[Bonkers] Sorry, lady!

[tires screeching]

[Lucky] Bonkers!

Rule 42 distinctly forbids police vehicles

to travel any horizontal distance
over two feet above ground!

-[crash]
-[siren fading]

Ooh! My instincts are to die for!

[Lucky] McSlime!

[Bonkers] Come on, Lucky! We're going in.

Forgetting rule 49!
Senior officers go in first.

But... we're partners!
Shouldn't we go in together?

Last time we went in "together,"

I wound up chin-deep in wrinkle cream,

my pants full of leg wax,
and a chief on my back.

Stay here til I call ya!

Yes, sir, detective Piquel, Partner, sir!

Ten... nine... eight...

All right McSlime, I hereby
arrest you in the name of... Oof!

If it isn't my official nemesis,
Officer Pickle.

Last time we met,

you took a rather rugged nosedive
into a vat of cat litter.

Haven't you heard?

Nobody busts slippery McSlime...

Three... two... one.

[Lucky] Help!

You called, partner?

Cut the juice, McSlime.

Nobody slices and dices
my favorite partner.

I could almost admire you, toon.

The only cop who could come close
to busting a criminal genius like me.

[cat yowling]

[gagging]

Yaah!

Bonkers, stop! Rule 38:
No destroying public property.

-Aah!
-[crashes]

[beeping]

Ooh, la la, mon cheri.

I see you in a fabulous prison stripe.

Possibly gold fini with a touche
of cement. Not too bold.

Bonkers, using a civilian vehicle
without permission of the owner

flies in the face of rule eight.

Now, if you're gonna bust him,
bust him the right way.

H-hey!

Lucky!

[car horn]

Aw, Lucky, we got so close.

Oh, come on, don't look so uptight.
We'll get another chance.

Wrong.

This time you got too close,

and I'm gonna make sure both of you
never get another chance.

[jackhammer drilling]

[telephone ringing]

[ring]

Hello?

Chiefy!

Oh yeah, he's here.

Okay, not going anywhere.

[chief] Proud of you, Piquel.

Nobody's ever come closer
to nabbing McSlime.

Just one problem...

Now, I'm not one to take the g*n
out of an officer's hole,

but maybe the public's not ready for your
advanced crime-fighting techniques.

[chief] Yeah, it presses the fishing
tackle out of me.

But you might go
a little easier next time.

Set a good example for your partner, huh?

Well, uh, good crime fighting, officer.

Oopsy! Let me help ya.

Bonkers!

[crashes]

[Bonkers] No, no, no. Don't thank me.

That's what partners are for,
you big button!

Side by side, peas in a pod,
ham and swiss. Hold the onions.

McSlime is as good as in your pocket.

Of course, you need a bigger pocket
and a little more time.

You got that right. More time alone,
as in by myself, as in I'm going home!

Home sounds good. What's for din-din?

Chicken pot pie.

One chicken pot pie for me.

[gasps] I get the picture.
Say no more. The ol' stressola, huh?

Partner, what you need
is to be alone for a while.

Nice bubble bath,
your fave rubber ducky, and-and...

Ooh, I should leave.

Well, I guess I'll split.

See ya. Toodles. Bye. Adios. Bye-bye.

Oh man, getting rid of that guy
is like scraping gum off a shoe.

"A retraining course
for all toon officers"? What?

"Toon officers must report
to the police academy for... two weeks"?

Bonkers out of my hair
for two whole weeks?

[all cheering] Surprise!

Woo-hoo-hoo!

Yippie!

What did I do to deserve this?

It's our one-month anniversary
of being partners.

Smile, smile.

Oh, yeah. How could I have forgotten?

Oh, that's okay.
Got my shades, my scope, my Shuksan.

What say we hit the mean streets?

Uh, about that, uh, Bonker...
[breathes loudly]

Ahh, looks like I'm... gonna be hitting
those mean streets alone for a while.

Alone? Without me? What'll I do?

Just have the time of your life,

-you lucky stiff.
-Me?!

Two weeks vacation at the police academy,
all expenses paid, huh?

-Wow!
-Great food.

Your own regulation toothbrush.

That's... but what about you?

[sighs] I'll make the sacrifice...

if it means you'll get
the quality police education you deserve.

I can see it, Lucky.

A chance to burnish my badge
almost as bright as yours.

A golden opportunity to scale...

Swell. Fine. Just sign up here.

It says here that if you fail the course,
that they'll...

What'd he say?

Uh, he said that you'll sail
through the course.

And now, get out there and sail.
Shine. Go.

You'll be my inspiration, Lucky.

Rule 210, don't be late.

I'll learn those rules cover to cover.

Sooner you start, the better.

If I can only glow with half the wattage
in your left earlobe...

Would you please...

[whimpering]

take care of Toots while I'm gone.

-I'm gonna be the best that I can be!
-Go for it.

I'm gonna make my partner proud.

Just go, Period.

He's gone.

He's gone.

[crazed laughter]

He's... gone!

I can polish my badge without Bonker's
ballistic buffing machine!

But the fine print...

If he fails, he's off the force.

Twelve donuts, holes included, all mine!

[chomping]

[mumbling]

No pata pata pata.

Two weeks of pleasant silence.

If he comes back in two weeks.

[dog barking]

Hmm? Guess this is the place.

Yeow!

[McSlime] Well...

Isn't this sweet?

A toon.

Basement, hardware?
I was looking for lingerie, third floor.

Oh...

We have a funny man.

Wipe the jokes, rookie!
From now on, you play by the rules!

[teeth chattering]

You will stand up straight.

You will show respect. You lumpy
excuse for a cop! Do you read?!

Just popular mechanics,
brief history of time,

short fiction,
that kind of thing. [chuckles]

Oh, I'm gonna have fun with you.

♪ A buckle a day keeps demerits away
and then you... ♪

[McSlime] Quiet!

Singing during an evasive driving lesson
is one demerit!

[dings]

What do you think of that?

[gulp] Well, arithmetraction
never was my strongest class in school--

Quiet! Speaking out of turn, one demerit!

But sir, you asked me what I thought of...

Now, listen up. You're about to run
the evasive driving course.

You won't violate police procedure,
or damage public property,

run off with civilians in the line of duty

or put a single scratch
on a vehicle. Is that clear?

[buzz]

Aah!

Twenty points off for staining
official police upholstery

and Fl*ttening a civilian.

[screaming]

[buzz]

Reckless driving.

Deliberate high-speed encounter
with a french roll.

And you call yourself a cop?

B-b-but it broke.

Making excuses, one demerit!

Well?

Um, what happens if my score gets to zero?

You lose your badge, permanently.

McSlime, McSlime... where is it?

All right, where'd you hide
the McSlime file, Bonk--

[clears throat] He isn't here.

Of course he isn't here.
I know that. Oh, here it is.

Alright, so the academy
isn't a piece of lemon meringue.

It's the only way you learn the rules.

But toons follow toon rules.

[Lucky] Toons follow...
will you stop looking at me that way?

Go sharpen your head or something.
He'll do fine.

So what is it about me?
You don't like my spots?

What, I look like your third grade teacher
who flunked you at recess?

I never heard of these rules.

I say you're making them up.

Ask Lucky. He knows them all.

Oh, he does, does he?

Yes he does, does he? And he's my partner.

Side by side, chicken to the pot,

together forever, right till the end.
Stuff like that.

Indeed.

Hey, it's not so bad.

You get to ride shotgun,

uh, teach Marilyn how to fetch.

[whimpering]

I know.

I miss him, too.

[plastic horns]

-Surprise!
-Surprise!

What are you guy... It's not my bir...

Do you like it, honey?
It was Bonkers' idea.

To celebrate one whole month as partners.

He planned it all last week.

Oh, you should've seen him.
He was so cute.

He wanted you to open this right away.

Uh, thanks, freckles.

-[Marilyn] Aw, look.
-[Dyl] Oh, how sweet.

This will look great in the office.

Bonkers was in such a rush when he called.

What's this about the academy?

Huh? Oh, you know, orders.

All toon officers had to go.

Lucky stiff. Vacationville!

I wish I could be there.

All toon officers?

But, daddy, isn't Bonkers
the only toon officer?

Well, sure. He's...

Oh, yeah, he is.

[telephone rings]

Hello? Okay.

Dad, it's someone from the academy.

Piquel here.

So you're Bonkers' partner, huh?

I feel for you, pal.

A cop like you saddled
with that throwback.

Don't know what the guys upstairs were
thinking when they pressed his badge.

Uh, I thought you might enjoy
watching him, uh...

-wipe out on his last test.
-[gulp]

Why don't you come on down to say
bye-bye in person.

Uh, ten, two. Twelves, uh, four.

Ten-four. I'll be right down.

But if he fails, he's off the force.

[Dyl] Anything wrong, hon?

What? Wrong... Oh, no, no.
Nothing's wrong.

Bonkers is performing up to par.

Way past par.

As a matter of fact, he left par in the
dust, can't even see it anymore. [laughs]

So, fluffy breath, you hungry?

Huh?

He is! Forgot to find out
what tiger paws here eats.

Can't feed him piffle pops
when his tummy's used to whiz tarts.

I'll run us to toonster.

Wait! Take this to Bonkers?

Okay. Be back!

[sighs] He's so good with animals.

This is the place?

Ooh boy, the mayor's squeezing
the budget these days.

Can't even afford a decent sign.

How do they expect a toon to get
respectable training

if they don't... [screaming]

Hm, think you're gonna flunk me
on this one, eh, sarge?

Well, I'm ready.
Hit me with your best shot.

[cat meowing]

Lucky, buddy, great to see you.

A little hard on the kidneys,
but... otherwise terrific.

[sighs] What kind of setup is this?

Oh, what they don't think of these days.

Well, one thing hasn't changed
since I was in the academy.

Always trust your drill instructor.

Remember that, Bonkers.

Yeah, right.

The girls wanted me to... this is for you.

Oh! Lucky!

Oh, please.

[sobbing]

Oh, great. Get a grip, Bonkers.

Rule 72, Never let your D.I. see you cry.

Straighten this out.

Just tell him you're allergic
to dust bunnies or something.

There goes the finest flatfoot
on the force. [sobbing]

Uh, Sarge, Piquel, toon division.

My sympathies.

Hate to see a fellow cop saddled with the
likes of what's smelling up my academy.

[laughing]

Uh, listen, about the little guy...

sure, he's short, he don't know
the capital of Pittsburgh,

but, hey, he's not so bad.

What do you say, go easy on him?

You know, cop to cop.

How touching.

Partners through thick and thin, huh?

No.

Well, yeah.

And, I just think a special test
for the only toon cop

on the force isn't fair, that's all.

Fair! I decide what's fair!

So, cop, you want
to help your partner pass?

Then you take the test with him!

You fail...

you both fail...

and you're both off...

[chuckles] the force.

You are taking the test?

I thought you could use some pointers,
so I'm gonna coach you.

Oh! For reals?

[McSlime] Listen up!

This test measures your ability
to apprehend the criminal element.

Well, what are you waiting for?

Back me up, partner.

Right behind you, partner.

Oh!

This is tougher than I remember.

Yeah. I guess you're gonna have
a new partner.

Yeah, and my new partner
is gonna have a new partner.

Did I just hear an echo?

We fail...

I'm off the force, too.

[gasps] You put your job
on the line for me?

[sobs] You're the tops.

Numero uno.

A peach without a pit. [sobs]

I've never had anyone stand up
for me before.

-[sobs]
-[blows nose]

Yeah, well, what are partners for?

[McSlime] Can we can the display?

'Cause what should I expect
from two nambies like you?

You couldn't stop a common
crook taking candy from a baby,

much less a master criminal like...

me.

[both] McSlime!

[McSlime laughs]

[McSlime] You two zeroes!

[chuckles] Flat zeroes!

Pedal those puppers, Lucky.

Remember rule 62: Staying unsquished
gets top priority.

Oh, yeah.

[crashes]

Bonkers, I want you to know,

you're the greatest partner
I could ever have.

Will ever have.

What are you talking about, Lucky?

We're in this together!

But I'm a human.
I can't do that that stuff.

It's against the rules of nature.

You've just got to believe, Lucky.

Believe in toon rule number one,
there are no rules.

There are no rules, there are no rules.

Huh? It should've worked.

Save yourself, Bonkers!

Now, what did I forget? [mumbling]

Ha ha! Silly me.
All you need's a guide. Here.

Trust me.

There are no rules.

It worked? It worked!

Now, let's go get him.

Don't have to.
The train will take care of that.

-The train?
-Toon rule number nine,

can't have a tunnel without a choo-choo!

[siren]

[horn blares]

-[bell dings]
-[grunts]

[screams]

[struggles]

[Bonkers] You are gonna love
the new digs, Macky.

Jailhouse motif,
bars and chains. Very retro.

[exhales deeply] This is the
moment a good cop lives for.

Another criminal off the streets,
start of a new day...

The smell of week-old garbage.

Pooey! Let's skidoo.

Hey, Lucky, how's about I drive?

No way.

But it's my new field of expertise.

[mutters] You're wrinkling the pants,
Bonkers.

Oh, come on!

-I said watch the crease!
-Relax.

-Don't ruffle the polyester.
-I'll iron it.

[Lucky] You're acting silly.

[Bonkers] Who's acting?

[theme music playing]