02x14 - Citizen Canine

[bunniefuu]

[theme music playing]

[barking]

[engine revs]

♪ I'm seeing lots of spots ♪

♪ Plenty of polka dots ♪

[barking]

♪ Get those puppies! ♪

♪ Can't catch a furry flurry ♪

♪ Running in a blurry hurry ♪

[barking]

♪ Get those puppies! ♪

♪ 1-0-1 ♪

♪ Canines on the run ♪

♪ 1-0-1 ♪

♪ Them doggone dogs are fun ♪

♪ 1-0-1 ♪

♪ Without fail you'll wind up
Chasing your tail ♪

♪ What's the harm
In revelrous adventures ♪

- ♪ On the funny farm? ♪
-[clucks]

♪ 1-0-1 ♪

[barks]

♪ Life's just a bed of roses ♪

♪ 1-0-1 ♪

♪ Fast friends with cold, wet noses ♪

- ♪ 1-0-1 ♪
- ♪ Through thick, thin, push and pull ♪

♪ It's 1-0-1, oh wonderful! ♪

♪ Just tons of fun ♪

♪ 101 Dalmatians! ♪

[whistling]

[grunts]

Good morning, Mayor Pig.

It's so nice
to see your smiling face

on this bright,
shiny penny of a day.

No whistling!

-How's that?
-No whistling!

I can't whistle,

never have been able to.

So that means
you can't whistle neither.

But whistling is a way
of audibly extending

your inner joy to those around--

I'm the mayor,

and I have passed a law

stating that no whistling is allowed
on this here farm!

Thank you for sharing,
Your Lard-ship.

[blows raspberry]

[sighs] This feels great.

Yeah, [sighs] you said it, Patch.

There's nothing quite
like lounging out here

in the sun, baking.

Did somebody say "bacon"?

Uh, I did. Why?

A blatant disrespect for the law.

What law?

Farm municipal code 34.5.16,

blah, blah, blah,
etcetera, fill in the blank,

which clearly states

"No farm resident shall
utter the word 'bacon.'"

Uh-huh, well.

I guess porky's out too, huh?

[laughing]

Whoa, ah!

[egg cracks]

[announcer] Coming up next--

Ten top reasons
why the chicken crossed the road

on the Poultry Channel.

All poultry all the time.

[announcer] Swine TV will return

with an all-new episode
of Three Pigs in a Blanket .

Hey, who changed the channel?

I did. It's time
for Three Pigs in a Blanket .

B-but that's not nice
to just change the channel

when somebody else is watching.

It's not a matter of nice or not.

It's a matter of the law.

-Huh?
-The law, according to me,

clearly states that
between 10:00 and 10:30 AM,

all TVs will be tuned
to Three Pigs in a Blanket .

-B-b-but--
-This time I'm lettin' you off

with a warning, chicken.

[sighs, sniffs]

Next time, I'm having you towed.

[angry cluck]

Man, is it hot?

What I wouldn't do
for a big old bucket

-of ice cream.
-[can clanking]

[grunts, shouts]

Whoa, whoa.

Well, what do you know,
a big old bucket of ice cream.

Cool.

-I'm hot.
-I'm hungry.

Let's all think ice cream.

-[Lucky] Whoa, oh!
-[screaming]

-[nervous chatter]
-Ice cream!

[Cadpig] Everybody, stop thinking!

-It's beautiful.
-It's awesome.

It's double caramel, triple mint,
marshmallow chip! [licks]

It's ours.

[Ed] Hold it right there,
boys and girls.

As mayor, I am required to certify

that the contents of this container
are, uh... [muttering]

certified.

I'm sure it's fine,
and it's full of double caramel,

triple mint, marshmallow...

[snorts]

chip.

[burps] Yeah.

[sniffs] Checks out.

What a P-I-G, pig!

That's Mayor P-I-G, pig.

Hey, wait a second, Mayor Pig.

That ice cream was ours.

We're the ones that found it.

Law says all items

found on common farm property

must be inspected
by the authorities,

who are me.

But that's not fair.

And neither is not
being able to whistle.

Or say the word bacon.

Or watch my TV show.

Well... [chuckles]

I'm the mayor,
and the mayor makes the laws.

And it is now
hereby ill*gal to complain.

Who elected
him mayor, anyhow?

All the farm animals
elected him, that's who.

But he's taking advantage of it.

He should be making laws
that'll make life better for everybody,

not just himself.

Well, yes, of course,

but, well, he does a good job

of keeping things
calm around here.

Well, being a mayor's
no easy task.

Hmph, sounds pretty easy to me.

Anybody could do what Ed's doing.

-Rolly or Cadpig or Spot--
-[banging]

[groans]

Well, maybe not Spot.

What about you?

-Me?
-Yeah.

Why can't you run for mayor?

You're charismatic. You talk a lot.

You're pushy. You're always
telling people what to do.

Okay, okay. I get your point.

I can even be
your personal image consultant.

I love manipulating the truth.

And I could be your advisor.

And I can manage your campaign.

I have a knack
for seeing trouble coming.

-[clanks]
-[clucking]

Hmm, Mayor Lucky.

I kind of like the sound of that.
What do you think, Colonel?

Well... [laughs]

It might do old Ed some good

to have a little healthy competition
for a change.

Of course,
you'll have to ask him about the rules.

After all, he's the one
that makes them.

No problem at all, Lucky.

You're more than welcome
to run against me for mayor.

Great. That was easy.

All you have to do is collect--

oh, let me see... [mutters]


-No problem.
-We can do that.

By, uh, uh-- what time is it?

Uh...

I think it's 11:45.

By noon.

-[ticking]
-And sign right here.

Thank you very much.

-Thank you.
-All right, Captain,

-mark it right here.
-Got your signature.

-All righty then.
-Hey, come back here!

[dings]

-There you go.
-You got 'em all, huh?

That's right.

Looks like the race is on!

Ah, now, now, not so fast.

Getting all them signatures
was just the first step.

You mean there's more?

That's right.

The farm bylaws clearly state

a candidate for office
must have a platform.

That's mine over yonder.

So if you run against me,
you're gonna have to, uh--

to build you one for you.

Whoa!

[panting] Okay.

Here's my platform.

I'm ready to be the mayor.

Now, now, Lucky.

You don't just become mayor.

You got to run for office,

and there's more
to running for office

than collecting signatures
and building a platform.

What's next?

Why...

-mudslinging of course.
-[grunting]

-Ahh.
-Yuck.

[laughs]

Now I want you to--

I mean... [coughs]

the law says you must climb
to the top, of, uh...

the Matterhorn
and yodel your nomination.

Wait a minute. Hold it.

Are you just gonna keep

giving us stuff to do
until we give up?

You have a problem with that?

What Lucky means is
he believes you have

a deep-seated subconscious
fear of losing.

In other words, he's calling you

a yellow-bellied,
lily-livered chicken!

Not that that's a bad thing.

Okay, you spotted little yahoos.

If Lucky wants to run for mayor,
you're on,

but you're gonna be sorry

you ever went up against Ed Pig.

[Lucky] And if I'm elected mayor,

I'll get rid of all
of Mayor Pig's unfair laws

so this farm will have
a mayor just like you,

a regular egg-laying puppy.

-[cracking]
-Whoa!

[clucks]

You're cracked
if you don't vote for Lucky.

[clucking, clapping]

[Lucky] Hey, Captain,
mind if I join you?

[whimpers]

[Lucky]
Hey, you guys want to play?

[shouts]

[grunts]

[Lucky] No problem.

Uh, I'll only go so far.

Well, that's everybody, Lucky.

You've really shown the animals

what a truthful and helpful
candidate you are.

Ooh, I'll bet we're moving
ahead of Mayor Pig right now!

Rolly, what happened
when you took that poll?

What happened
when I took the pole?

The fence fell down.

[laughing]

Fence... [laughing] It fell down.

Do you get it? Aww, man.

Look, I'm a pole.

[laughing]

Knock it off, Rolly.

The popularity poll.

Aww, you're way ahead
of Mayor Pig.

Must be the clever slogan I devised.

Vote for Lucky.

Oh, no, no, no, no.

It's because the planet's
current alignment favors dogs.

We're in a Pluto phase.

It's none of those things, guys.

It's honesty and hard work.

That's why we're ahead.

Nothing can stop us now.

We're gonna mow
right over that old pig.

-[feet thudding]
-[clucking]

Look at all the pretty spots.

Mayor Pig's giving away free bones.

-Let's go!
-Rolly.

Oh, I mean... [nervous chuckle]

Uh, what a tragic example

if political corruption in our times--

trading bones for votes.

Personally, I advise you
not to take one, Lucky.

Of course I'm not gonna take one.

Tripod, are you really
gonna vote for Mayor Pig

because he gave you a free bone?

Why not?

I think it's pretty cool
he's giving stuff away.

What's next?

Deluxe chicken feed
for the henhouse?

[happy clucking]

Numbers are looking b-bad, Lucky.

Mayor Pig's free food gambit
is working like a charm.

How bad is it?

According to the poll,

animals are coming over
from other farms

-to vote against you.
-[sighs] Shameful.

Looks like all your big ideas
we're traded for all you can eat.

[Lucky] Hey, where'd you get that?

-Found it.
-Hmm.

Maybe if we gave you
a few more spots.

Ooh! A more
patriotic collar perhaps.

No, that's not gonna work.

I thought I could win over
the animals with the truth,

and show them somebody
who's fair and on their side,

but Ed gave them
what they really wanted.

So what are you gonna do?

Yeah, election's tomorrow.

You better think of something.

And if I'm elected Mayor,

I'll get rid of all
of Mayor Pig's unfair laws.

Hey, we've heard this speech.

If you don't have anything
interesting to say, move along!

It's crowded enough
in here as it is.

Well, maybe you could
use a bigger hen house then.

What's that?

I said you need a bigger hen house.

Do you hear that girls?
If we vote for Lucky,

he promises to get us
a bigger hen house.

Well, that's not
exactly what I meant.

Vote for Lucky
and get a new hen house!

-Hooray!
-[clucking]

[Rolly] You shouldn't have said
you'd build them a new hen house.

But I got their votes, didn't I?

Don't worry
about the details, Rolly.

The important thing
is to beat Mayor Pig.

-Right?
-But you promised them.

Hey, I don't want any
wishy-washiness

from the soon-to-be
vice mayor.

Wow, me?

Vice mayor?

Can I be your vice, vice mayor?

Sure, and while we're at it,

why don't we make the chicken
the vice, vice, vice mayor.

Thanks, Lucky.

No problem.

As long as you vote for Lucky,

that's my promise to you.

Gold-plated horse shoes
when you vote for Lucky,

that's my promise to you.

Heated milking gloves
on every human,

that's my promise to you.

A new color TV

for each and every one of us,

that's my promise to you.

[dogs barking]

[Lucky] And as I've said
from the beginning,

no more unfair laws!

[animals applauding]

The voting will commence.

[burps]

Hey, next year,
I want to be the ballot box.

[licks lips]

You won, Lucky!

You won. You're the new mayor.

Whoa! That makes me vice mayor!

You hear that, Lucky? I'm vice mayor,
I'm vice mayor, you guys!

What's a vice mayor do?

Come on, guys.
Let's go find Ed and rub it in.

I mean... [laughs]

be good sports.

Well, well, well,
if it isn't the former Mayor Pig.

[whistles]

What's cooking?

Or should I say "bacon"?

[laughs]

Now that the election's over,

I think I'll turn on the TV
and watch whatever I want.

[blows raspberry]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Well, congratulations, Lucky.

You done beat me.

You're the new mayor for now.

What's that supposed to mean?

[devious chuckles]

[Ed laughing]

[Lucky] My first order of business
as the new mayor

is to declare all of Ed Pig's laws
null and void.

-[Mooch] All of them?
-Every single one.

-[cheering]
-Hooray!

Hip hip hooray!

[Rolly] Hip hop hooray!

Man, this being mayor thing
is a breeze.

Let me guess,

you're here for your golden horse shoes.

Well, my vice, vice mayor
is right on top of that.

-Cadpig.
-We're in the midst of a study

regarding the impact
of gold horse shoes

on the environment.

Huh? [chuckles]

Say, Lucky,

when Nanny milked me this morning,

her hands nearly froze my utters off.

When are we getting those heated
milking gloves you promised?

Uh, Vice, Vice, Vice Mayor Spot
is hard at work on that.

Oh yeah, and we've got
a finance committee

extrapolating
a feasibility report on, uh...

[shy chuckles]

-[Lucky] What did you say?
-[Spot] I was hoping you knew.

Hey, Lucky,

when are we getting
those new TVs you promised us?

Ugh! I'm working on it.

Okay?

[frightened clucking]

[clucking]

What's going on?

[clucking]

Mommy! Are you okay?

No, I'm not okay!

What? Do you think I like

getting thrown out
on my nuggets?

It's Mooch.

He said you said
he could move into the hen house.

What's that all about?

Uh, well, as mayor,

I'm turning this matter

over to my vice, vice vice mayor
of poultry politics.

-[Lucky] Spot?
-Don't look at me.

This is between you and Mooch.

[gulps]

[loud swallow]

[Mooch snickering]

[gulps] What do you think
you're doing, Mooch?

Who said you could
move into the hen house?

-You did.
-Me?

Yeah, when you threw out
all of Ed Pig's laws.

One of them said only hens
could live in the hen house.

Well, now, I'm moving in.

Then I'm declaring it the law

that only hens
can live in the hen house.

[clucking]

But you promised.

I don't care what I promised.

I'm the mayor, and I'm saying

that you can't live in the hen house.

[egg splatters]

-Technically speaking...
-Hooray!

Mooch is really the one
with egg on his face.

Thanks, Lucky, and by the way,

when are we gonna be getting
that new, bigger henhouse, huh?

You know, the one
you promised us.

Oh, uh, Vice Mayor Rolly,
how's that coming?

Oh, well, uh...

Currently the Henhouse
Enlargement Bill

is stalled in committee.

[Cadpig whistles]

[Rolly] We can't keep stalling
for you, Luck.

The voters want to know...

how you're planning
on keeping all your promises.

Cadpig, would you stop whistling
before I declare it ill*gal again?

Lucky, Ed Pig's
just called a meeting

to discuss
all the promises you made.

Well, tell them it's ill*gal
to talk about my promises.

-[Spot] That doesn't seem fair.
-Who are you to say

what's fair, Spot? I'm the mayor!

Somebody needs
a little attitude adjustment.

Yeah, Lucky!

Pretty soon you're gonna be eating
all our ice cream.

And making us watch
whatever shows you want.

And I could if I wanted to.

I can do anything I want.

[huffs] Then you're gonna
have to find yourself

another vice mayor.

And vice, vice mayor.

And vice, vice, vice mayor too.

Guess I should just pass a law

saying I'm no better than Mayor Pig.

You have all heard my proposal
to remove Mayor Lucky from office.

So are we ready to vote?

[clucking]

Excuse me, everyone.
[clears throat]

Excuse me.

I thank you all for voting for me.

However, I want you to know
that all the promises I made,

well, I can't keep any of them.

So there's no reason
to vote me out of office

because I resign.

[muttering]

Lucky, my boy,
your honesty is admirable.

Thank you, Mayor.

It sure was nice of Mayor Pig
to give us this ice cream.

Guess he's not
such a bad guy after all.

There's a warm heart
beneath all those pork rinds.

After that big promise mess,

I'm just happy to be done
with my political career.

Glad to hear it, Lucky.

Ha!

I mean everybody knows
the real power is in big corporations.

[others groan]

[laughs]

Just kidding.

[theme music plays]