02x16 - Frisky Business/Cadet of the Month

[bunniefuu]

-[theme music playing]
-[barking]

[engine revs]

♪ I'm seeing lots of spots ♪

♪ Plenty of polka dots ♪

-[barking]
-♪ Get those puppies! ♪

♪ Can't catch a furry flurry ♪

♪ Running in a blurry hurry ♪

[barking]

♪ Get those puppies! ♪

♪ 1-0-1 ♪

♪ Canines on the run ♪

♪ 1-0-1 ♪

♪ Them doggone dogs are fun ♪

♪ 1-0-1 ♪

♪ Without fail you'll wind up
Chasing your tail ♪

♪ What's the harm
In revelrous adventures ♪

-♪ On the funny farm? ♪
-[clucks]

♪ 1-0-1 ♪

[barks]

-♪ Life's just a bed of roses ♪
-♪ 1-0-1 ♪

♪ Fast friends with cold, wet noses ♪

♪ Through thick, thin, push and pull
It's 1-0-1 oh wonderful! ♪

♪ Just tons of fun ♪

♪ 101 Dalmatians! ♪

[dramatic music plays]

The name's Bolt, Thunderbolt.

I eat Krunchies, Kanine Krunchies.

And you should, too.

[tires screech]

[announcer with French accent]
Kanine Krunchies. Perfect for lunchy.

Designer Kanine Krunchies.

Dare to be a dog.

[Bolt] Shaken, not stirred.

[cries] That is just so beautiful.

Yeah, well,
that high-end designer chow

costs big b-b-b-bucks!

And we don't have any,
so get over it.

[announcer 2] Hey, hounds,

Monday is designer Kanine Krunchie
day at the Stiffle Food Fortress!

Your one and only chance
to try designer KK's

rocking new flavor, pistachio veal,
absolutely free!

I repeat: Free, free, free!

So, come on down and get fed!

-Too cool!
-That's it.

I'm going to Stiffle.

Uh, hello! Anybody home?

Stiffle is miles away.

In order to cover
that kind of distance,

you would need transportation.

Yes, yes, of course,
Miss De Vil, I'll get it.

[Cruella] Now listen carefully.

I'm going
to spring a little surprise audit

on that slippery Roger Dearly.

As his chief investor, I'm convinced
that he is cooking the books.

Until I emerge,
you have one purpose in life:

to watch my car.

Capisce?

Yes, yes, of course I'm "ca-pish,"
I mean, I'm watching.

[groans]

[muttering]

You were saying?

Look, even if we wanted
to take Cruella's car to Stiffle,

which we do not,
how are we supposed to get past him?

[Nanny humming]

Hmm.

Let's weigh the pros and cons, shall we?

-First...
-We get the kibble.

Always wanted to drive a car.

Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

That's one-sided reasoning.

-Come on!
-Need I remind you

-that this is stealing?
-It's not stealing.

Stealing is when you take something
and never bring it back.

-[moans]
-This is borrowing.

[Cadpig] That's it, Lucky,
bend reality until it works for you.

-You sure you can drive a stick?
-[moans]

[engine revving]

[all shouting]

[both humming]

Please, allow me.

-Oh!
-That's quite all right.

-It's far too heavy.
-I can manage.

[both] Oh!

Well, I never!

[puppies scream]

-[moans]
-You...

you get the map, I'll get the bus.

...997, 998, 999! Aha!

You're one short, Richard.

-How do you explain that?
-[clears throat]

Very clever,
but not clever enough!

No one can feed a family
on what you make.

You're stealing from me, Robert.
I know you are!

Now, now listen here, Cruella.

I work hard, I play fair,

I don't steal,
and the name is Roger!

Now, if you don't mind!

Hmm.

-[puppies scream]
-[gasps]

[shouts]

Hey, neighbor, what's your rush?

If you could just drop me
at the roost.

Whoa! Ooh!

Gah! Brake!

Shift! Shift!

Brake!

I'm an excellent driver.

-D-duck!
-Why? Low bridge?

No! Duck! Duck! Baby duck!

-Wha?
-[screams]

[Lucky] Whoa!

I think I just passed a giblet.

[clucks]

[screams]

[tires screech]

Wow! Let's do that again.

[babbles]

-[Roger chuckles]
-[sighs]

Here's Lucky in front of a bucket.

Oh, and here's Lucky
beside a bucket.

And here's Lucky
actually inside a bucket.

-Riveting, aren't they?
-[Cruella moans]

I wish Nanny would hurry up
and find the puppies.

Well, Ricky,
that was fascinating.

And now, if you'll excuse me...

[chuckles]
Only a hundred more to go!

Oh!

[radio announcer]
It's munchie market mayhem

at the Stiffle Food Fortress!

So, rush on down and get your free
sample of designer Kanine Krunchies

-now, now!
-That's it!

They're headed to the Food Fortress.
Quick, find Stiffle on the map.

-I think we're lost.
-We are not lost.

I prefer the term
"locationally challenged."

I told you I know where I'm going.

[Spot] Look out!

[all scream]

[tires screech]

[hissing]

-Smooth sailing, Columbus.
-Hey, lighten up.

It could be a whole lot worse.

Howdy, howdy, howdy!

[Lucky] It just got worse.

Mm-hmm!

Oh, and here's a rock
I found when I was four.

Oh, oh! And a piece of lint
I found when I was six!

Oh, hey, you're gonna love this.

-Here's a big hunk of my appendix.
-Oh.

I was wrong about you, Rodney.
You're not a thief.

You're a fine, upstanding citizen.

A prince among men!

So, if you don't mind, I'd like to put
an end to this neighborly nonsense!

You are right, Cruella.

Let's end the nonsense
and start the show tunes!

[groans]

Course me and the boys can fix her.

-Are you sure?
-Piece of cheese, I mean, cake.

-[Horace] Make a left!
-[Nanny] What left?

There is no left!

You'll miss the shortcut!

-Ooh! Oh!
-Hey!

[both yell]

Get off me!

Please go away.

Oh! My brother's a cop!

[tires screech]

[both screaming]

-Good as new.
-Great!

Now, if you'll excuse us.

[Swamp Rat]
So, what's it gonna be, chief? Huh?

Cash or credit?

-[cash register dings]
-Wow. [chuckles]

You see, we're a little bit
short right now, and...

No problem.
We'll take it out in trade.

[all scream]

-Oh!
-[Swamp Rat chuckles menacingly]

-[Nanny] Oh!
-[honking]

-[all scream]
-Whoa!

That... is gonna leave a mark.

Come on! One more time!

♪ This old man, he played 1,004 ♪

♪ He played knick-knack on my poor... ♪

Enough. No more snapshots,

no more movies

-no more show tunes!
-Whoa!

I am leaving, I am out of here,
I am gone!

Hasta la vista, Ripcord!

Ooh. Ah.

Of all the ridiculous,
wasteful, boring afternoons!

Cruella! [gulps]

What is it now?

-I... I love you.
-What?

[barking]

Uh, never mind.

Horace, get the car! I'm leaving!

Horace? Where are you, Horace?

-Did you hear that?
-What?

She's leaving.
That means you're leaving.

That means I'm free. I'm free!

-[sighs]
-Hooray!

[moaning] Ahh.

[vocalizing tune]

[groans]

What did I tell ya?
Piece of cake.

-[Horace] Yow!
-[Cruella grunts]

Piece of cake?

Piece of pancake!

We almost got flattened!

We almost got eaten!

And we are completely Krunchie-less.

Yeah, but we got the car back
without Cruella finding out.

-We win!
-[Roger] Lucky!

You guys are in a heap of trouble.
You stole a car!

And don't think you were
just borrowing it,

because borrowing involves
consent and agreement.

Correct me if I'm wrong,

but I don't think Cruella consented
to lending you her car.

There's a con
we could've weighed.

What's he so testy about?

It's not like it was grand theft auto.

That's exactly what it was, Cadpig.

Picky, Picky.

Hey, look on the bright side.

It could've been a lot worse.

[Swamp Rat clears throat] Well,

-howdy, howdy, howdy!
-[puppies gasp]

[chuckles evilly]

[screaming]

[Pug] Listen up, mange hounds.

Today is your last chance
to earn paw merits

to become Cadet of the Month!

Strive to be the best.

Do it for honor, for duty!

-For...
-The giant T-bone steak.

What did you say, mop ears?

The only reason
we have that steak

is because Colonel Mamby-Pamby
thinks you should be rewarded

instead of driven into the ground

like the lily-livered
dog spot you are!

Ten-hut!

But you and your friends'll
never get close enough

to smell that piece of meat

as long as a hard-working cadet
like Tripod is in the game.

Dismissed!

[barking]

He's gonna eat those words,
and I'm gonna eat that steak.

Get real, Lucky.
The deadline is today

and Tripod's already

Oh yeah? Bark Brigade code,

section three, paragraph four:

[clears throat] "Rescuing a superior
officer from a dangerous situation

earns the rescuing cadet

And that will beat Tripod.

There's a fine line
between optimism and delusion,

and you just blew past it.

[snorts] Who you gonna rescue?
No one's in danger.

Not yet.

Every day at precisely 1200 hours,

Lieutenant Pug recons
these garbage cans

for Nanny's best table scraps.

Oh. [humming]

[Lucky]
But today, he gets a big surprise.

I filled the can
with chewed-up bubble gum.

[laughs] He's stuck!

[grunting]

[screams]

That's your plan?
He gets stuck in bubble gum?

Ooh! Scary.

What's next?
Have him trip on a snickerdoodle?

Next I get him unstuck,

and bingo, Pug saved!

[laughs]

You won't be laughing when I've got

Have you really
thought this through?

What if something goes wrong?

There's no time to think!
We have to act now.

-[truck approaching]
-Besides, what could go wrong?

The garbage truck could come
and take him away?

[gulps]

-[softly] Help.
-Of course we'll help.

We're your siblings, your family,

and I think I speak
for all of us when I say,

this is gonna cost ya.

-What do you mean?
-We get a cut of the steak.

Oh, man.
We're never gonna find him here.

-[bird screeches]
-[clanging]

Horace, is that more goodies?

Yes, sir, Miss De Vil.

Here it comes. [grunts]

Ah!

I can't believe they
just throw this stuff away!

[laughing maniacally]

[grunting]

Ah! People have been telling me for years

that my clothing line is garbage,

Oh, why didn't I listen?
From now on,

Cruella's Recylcowear
is going to sweep the market!

[Spot] We'll never be able to find
Lieutenant Pug in this garbage!

[crying] He's gone!

A goner! Gone forever!

Going, going, gone!
Gone, gone, gone!

-[sobs]
-[Swamp Rat cackles]

Getting yourself a might worked
up there, little lady.

-Swamp Rat!
-Appears to me

you folks could use the assistance
of an experienced garbologist,

that's "trash picker" to you.

And I'd be just plum tickled
to help you out...

-Huh?
-...for a trifling 50 percent

-of the T-bone.
-"Fifty percent"?

Forget it!
We're already splitting it four ways!

Fine with me. Then I suggest you
start looking in the damaged dog section.

Go down three refrigerators, make
a right at the pile of heaping stench.

When you can't stand
the stink anymore, bear left.

Okay, okay. I give.

So, where is the lieutenant?

I think they're all around us!

-[grunting] Get off me!
-Let's go, cadets.

Bark Brigade to the rescue!

Now don't y'all forget our deal!

I'll be waiting
on that T-bone reward.

Don't worry, sir! We'll save you!

-Whoa!
-[puppies scream]

[growling]

-Run for it!
-[puppies screaming]

-[growling]
-[screaming]

[grunting]

-Whoa!
-Eee!

[yells]

[yelps]

Hmm?

[screams]

Puppies? I should've known.

Out, out! You're soiling my beautiful
garbage with your filthy paws!

Get out before I recycle you myself!

And stay out!

[grunting]

It's up to you, Spot.
Haul tailfeathers.

Yeah! [grunts]

[growling]

[yelling, whimpering]

We're trapped!

You know, aggressive behavior

is often overcompensation
for a deep insecurity.

Don't worry. I'm sure no one
actually notices your stubby tail anymore.

-Huh?
-Or your ridiculous ears.

[whimpers, growls]

[gasps] Say, are those caps?

[gulps]

Oh, now, with those types of defects,

do you really think you have the right
to pick on these poor little puppies?

[crying] No.

Next.

Remember: First the pain,

-then the gain.
-[whimpering]

-[grunting]
-[Pug yelling] Help!

Hang-hang-hang on!

Who's that, huh?

Help! [screams]

Spot! Where's Lieutenant Pug?

He's still up there.
I couldn't get him loose!

-[grunts]
-[all] No!

[screaming]

[whistles]

-Lieutenant Pug? [gulps]
-Oh no.

He's been recycled.

What have I done?

Oh, if only I hadn't tried
to win the easy way.

Oh, if only I had thought this through,

Lieutenant Pug
would still be here...

instead of... instead of being...

Wearable art?

-Pancake City?
-A tiny hubcap?

-[sniffles] It's all my fault.
-Ooh!

You spotted vermin!
Look what you've done!

There's dog hair in the machine!

My garbage is a mess!

I'll sue you
for everything you've got!

[cow moos]

The Cadet of the Month Ceremony
is about to start.

Somebody should tell
the Colonel what happened.

I can't believe what I've done.

[sobs] I'll resign from the Brigade.

I'll build a shrine
to Lieutenant Pug.

I'll, I'll... I'll become
a hermit and devote my life

to his teeny-tiny pathetic little memory.

-[moaning]
-Isn't it funny?

You never know what you'll miss
until one day it's gone.

[chuckles] It is kinda funny.

I'd give a whole bowl of kibble

just to hear
Lieutenant Pug shout.

[Pug] All right, you tick transports!

Ten-shun!

-[puppies] Huh?
-Lieutenant Pug!

He's alive!

For extreme bravery
and for rescuing a superior officer,

the Cadet of the Month Award
and the T-bone steak

go to honorary Bark Brigade cadet,
the Swamp Rat.

[all] Swamp Rat?

-[cheering, barking]
-Oh yeah!

Dismissed!

What a rip.

Frankly, I like mine medium rare,

-but this'll have to do.
-[Lucky] Can you believe that?

After Tripod worked
so hard all month,

Swamp Rat swooped right in and...

-Saved Lieutenant Pug's hide?
-After you put him in danger?

-Uh...
-Right? Be thankful.

At least Lieutenant Pug
doesn't know whose fault it was.

Oh, yeah, runt pup?
Who says he doesn't?

So, you wanted to earn
some easy paw merits, huh?

It's the new Bark Brigade
recycling program.

Helping your community
gets you 45 paw merits.

[theme music playing]