02x19 - Smoke Detectors/Lobster Tale

[bunniefuu]

[theme music playing]

[barking]

[engine revs]

♪ I'm seeing lots of spots ♪

♪ Plenty of polka dots ♪

[barking]

♪ Get those puppies! ♪

♪ Can't catch a furry flurry ♪

♪ Running in a blurry hurry ♪

[barking]

♪ Get those puppies! ♪

♪ 1-0-1 ♪

♪ Canines on the run ♪

♪ 1-0-1 ♪

♪ Them doggone dogs are fun ♪

♪ 1-0-1 ♪

♪ Without fail you'll wind up
Chasing your tail ♪

♪ What's the harm
In revelrous adventures ♪

- ♪ On the funny farm? ♪
-[clucks]

♪ 1-0-1 ♪

[barks]

♪ Life's just a bed of roses ♪

♪ 1-0-1 ♪

♪ Fast friends with cold, wet noses ♪

- ♪ 1-0-1 ♪
- ♪ Through thick, thin, push and pull ♪

♪ It's 1-0-1, oh wonderful! ♪

♪ Just tons of fun ♪

♪ 101 Dalmatians! ♪

[sniffs]

Mmm-mm-mm...

Flaming baked Alaska! You guys!

Cruella must have been
smoking in bed again.

She has heavy
negative nicotine karma.

[Spot] Yeah, and every time
she torches her house,

you know where she ends up.

[Horace] Here we are.

How dare they tell me to quit?

Smoking is me.

It's part of my glamorous image.

[Horace] Oh, yeah, mm-hmm.

[wheezing, coughing]

Cruella, what's wrong?

My bedroom, that's what's wrong.

[gasps] Burned to a crisp.

So now it matches the kitchen,
den and garage?

Very amusing, Ripley,
but that's the least of my problems.

My home insurance company
is being completely unreasonable.

They won't let me move back in
unless I quit smoking!

Well, you really should
quit, Cruella.

If Roger and I can do
anything to help...

How kind of you, Anita, darling.

Bring in all the bags, Horace!

[groaning]

It's just too, too sweet of you

to offer your dreary
little shack as a halfway house.

This time I'll stay just
a tad longer than usual,

until I quit smoking.

Aaaaah!

Ohh!

[Cruella] Hmm, hmm, hmm.

Now, wait just a minute here!

Roger, she's trying to quit.

Remember how hard it was when
you quit smoking your pipe?

Okay, on one condition.

This is a smoke-free house.

Not one cigarette touches your lips.

You'll have to quit
like I did: cold turkey.

[turkey gobbles]

Oh, all right. How hard can it be?

As of this moment,
I am a nonsmoker.

Do you really think she could quit?

[Cadpig] I give her five seconds, tops.

See? Quitting is easy.

Oh!

She's never gonna make it.

Smoking is a dangerous,
unhealthy habit,

very tough to quit.

Why, Cruella
could be here forever!

Forever?

As in, forever?

You know, perhaps we should be
receptive to helping

a fellow mammal in distress.

Now, we're picking up Nanny
at the train station,

so you're gonna be alone.

You sure you'll be all right?

Oh, don't be ridiculous, darling.

I'm a nonsmoker now.

Ta-ta!

I think I'll take a walk.

Come on, guys, she's gonna crack.

[inhales]

Mmm! Fresh air!

And now that I'm a nonsmoker,
I can truly enjoy it...

[chuckles]

...with a cigarette!

[Lucky] Back, back...

Left, and...

-Fire!
-Hmm?

[groaning]

What?

Aaaaah!

[barking]

Oh, this barnyard
is crawling with animals!

Inside!

Must... have...

cigarette!

Oh! Oh! Ohhh!

Ahh!

Grrr! Grrr!

Grrrrr!

Why, you miserable little...

-[thwack]
-Aaaah!

[crash!]

Ohhh!

This isn't working.
We gotta cut her off at the source.

-Spot, get the bathroom door.
-[Spot] Got it!

You keep her in here, Spot.
We'll get rid of her stash.

Oh, sure.

Wow! Nothing but cigarettes.

Maybe she thinks tobacco's
a food group.

[chuckles]

Well, let's get started.

We'll flush them all
down the toilet.

But Cruella's locked
in the downstairs bathroom.

We'd have to take them
all the way upstairs.

[gasps] All of 'em?

It'll be a piece of cake.

We just need
some reinforcements.

[barking]

Hurry, before she comes to!

[Spot squawking]

[squawks]

Last one.

Was this a brilliant plan or what?

[flushing]

[rumbling]

Huh? Uh-oh.

She's gonna blow!

[barking]

Help!

[water rumbling]

No! Nooooo!

[spitting]

Oh, all my cigarettes!

Ruined!

Oh, Worldwide
Wholesale Cigarettes?

Urgent delivery, Dearly Farm!

[horn honks]

What took you so long?

Blast!

Well, how did it go, Cruella?

Fine, just fine.

-You really haven't been smoking?
-Hmm-mm.

[chuckles]

Not a puff.

Why, I haven't had
the slightest craving all day.

[horn honks]

[Rolly] We've failed.

We are never
gonna make her stop smoking.

You can't make someone quit
if they don't want to.

When Roger quit smoking his pipe,
he didn't really want to either.

So he got one of those self-help
sleep teaching cassette tapes.

What's that?

A cassette tape that teaches
you stuff while you sleep.

-Maybe he still has it.
-[Spot] Let's go!

[straining]

Here it is!

"Stop Smoking Now."

[sighs]

[snickers]

Ahh!

[Lucky groaning]

Huh?

[Rolly] Oops!

At least she's asleep.

[man on cassette] Hello, little puppy.

Tonight we'll learn why
newspaper is your friend!

[rooster crows]

Hmm.

Cruella? Breakfast...

… is served?

[panting and barking]

[barking]

She thinks she's a dog!

[Rolly] This Cruella is kind of fun!

But, you know, it's almost as if

the other side
of the "stop smoking" tape

was a dog training tape,

and we accidentally switched 'em.

Naaah!

[sniffing]

[puppies] Oh, no!

[Cruella snarling]

Oww! Hey!
Get this crazy lady off of me!

Cruella! Cruella!

Lovely stockings. Argyle?

Uh-huh...

That's it.
I'll never smoke again, Anita.

I've hit bottom.

Once you've chewed
on a man's socks,

the world is a whole
different... flavor.

I'm going home.

Here, try some bubble gum.

It will take your mind off smoking.

Bubble gum! Of course!
That's the answer.

I must have more!

[snoring]

Mm, bubble gum.

[chewing]

[pops]

[Cruella burps]

[knocking on door]

[banging on door]

Huh? Who could that be? [sighs]

Out of my way, Runyan.

I'm moving in until I can
quit chewing gum!

[Roger] Ohh!

[car starts]

Now, don't you look
quite the elegant little lady,

all fresh from
the groomer's, hmm?

Someone will suffer for this.

[beeping]

Oh, I'm running late, late, late.

I'll never have time to fix dinner.

It's takeout tonight, I'm afraid.

[foghorn blows]

[sighs]

Oh, just look at that poor,
oppressed creature.

He endures his captivity
with such calm.

[child] I want that one, Daddy!

[Cadpig] No!

They're gonna eat him?

[splash of water]

[Cadpig groans, bottle thuds]

Saving a bottom feeder

should at least get me
a humanitarian award.

[Spot] What do you mean
you liberated a lobster?

I had no choice.

He was headed
for the big butter bath in the sky.

But it's stealing.

The lobster police
will get us for sure.

[Rolly] Spot's right.

We better eat the evidence.
Anybody got a squeeze of lemon?

Rolly, how could you?

Nothing personal,
it's a food chain thing.

Helping defenseless
animals can be cool,

but we can't just keep him in a jar.

Hello? Maybe we should ask
the poor guy what he'd like to do.

[gasp]

Oh, finally.

Hello. My name's Lance, and...

Wait! Let us remove
this old rubber band,

the symbol of your oppression,
from your mighty claw.

-Uh, thank you, but--
-No need for thanks.

You are a child of the universe,

no less than the trees and the stars.

You have a right to express yourself.

[gasp] Then I must tell you...

Put a lid on it!

And now, we must return
this noble creature to the wild.

[Lucky] Hey! I know.

We could take him to Hiccup Hole.

I'm sure he'd be welcome there.

[sighs]

He is not welcome here.

Lobsters shed their shells.
It's disgusting.

I will not turn my beautiful home

into an exoskeletal scrap heap.

How can you harden your heart
to this majestic mollusk,

this courtly crustacean?

[gasp] How can you be so selfish
to a shellfish?

You need professional help.

I got it! We can take him
to the swamp.

Of course!

A stagnant, reeking
expanse of freedom.

[Lance, mumbling] No...

I still think we should ask him.

[Rolly] I still think we should eat him.

Are we sure this
is a good lobster neighborhood?

I mean, what are the schools like?

Looks like Swamp Rat's not home.

Yo, we could get back
in time for dinner if we...

[gasps] Aaaah!

[chuckles]

Excuse us, Mr. Rat, sir.

We were just... leaving.

Howdy, howdy, howdy, hi.
What can I do ya for?

We were looking for a good home
for an oppressed creature

who isn't living up
to his full lobster potential.

Sorry, no room for d*adbeats,
layabouts, charity cases, or...

Did you say l-o-b ster?

That is to say, uh, lobster?

Why, of course
we've got room for a lobster.

You do?

Why, of course! Heh-heh!

I'll be happy
to help make your friend

a useful, contributing member
of society.

It's one of the hallmarks
of an enlightened free market.

A thousand points of light
and all that.

Don't worry, he's in good hands!

Well, he was certainly
full of the milk of rodent kindness.

Yeah. Almost too full of it.

Did anybody besides me
think that was too easy?

Maybe we'd better
go back and check.

Noooo!

[snarls]

You said you were
gonna make him

a contributing member
of society.

He's contributing
to my gumbo recipe.

Close enough.

Owwww!

I hope no kid ever
holds a lit match like that.

That can hurt.

[Rolly] You'll never get
away with this, Swamp Rat.

[sniffs]

Any decent gumbo
needs cayenne pepper.

There's plenty
of cayenne, chubby boy.

The secret is to start
with a wallop of kosher salt.

[Rolly] Salt? No, no, no!

First, the cayenne pepper, then the...

[all] Rolly!

Yaah!

Ow-ow-ow-ow-ow!

[spitting]

Sucker punch me, will ya?

[straining]

Whew!

Oh, sorry, guys.

My stomach sort of took over my brain.

There's news.

You know, it just
occurred to me,

Lance is a saltwater creature.

He couldn't have lived
in the swamp, anyway,

or Hiccup Hole.

[gasps] Spot, you're right!

Hear that, little friend?
We've been thinking too small.

We shall return you
to the briny deep.

[Spot sighs]

Please, please, wait, I --

[Cadpig] May this gentle river

carry you softly
to your ocean home.

[Lucky] Chuck him!

[Lance screams, foghorn blows]

On my ship, we serve only
the freshest seafood.

Ugh! It's so fresh, it fights back.

Ha ha ha!

Don't you just love
an entree with spunk?

Ugggh!

He's back.

Ah... [gurgling]

This will work for sure!

Actually, it's your most
harebrained scheme yet.

You could be a little more positive.

Must you always see the toilet bowl
as half empty?

You know, this might just work.

Of course it'll work.

The waters of life
are all connected

and those of your toilet bowl

run to the sea
in a giant flush of freedom.

[Lance gurgling]

Rolly, trip the lever of liberty!

[Lance] Wait, please!

There's something I really
have to tell you.

It will have to wait
for the next life.

Farewell, gentle lobster!

[Rolly] Half of a perfectly
delicious surf-and-turf,

down the drain.

Ah. I wonder what he
was trying to say.

Probably just wanted to thank me
for liberating him.

Yowwww!

[gull calling]

Aaah!

[dog snarling on TV]

There's nothing like the joy

of a noble mission nobly completed.

Yeah.

But I'm still craving seafood.

[announcer]
This breaking story just in.

Lobster-napping
in downtown Grutley,

that's the charge of Cap'n Buddy

of Cap'n Buddy's Seafood Restaurant,

open weekdays 10:00 to 9:00,
closed Sundays.

Cap'n Buddy's pet lobster was stolen
from its tank today.

Uh... p-pet lobster?

So, Cap'n, this lobster was
not for eating?

Eating?

Why Lance is like a son to me!

He was...

Cap'n Buddy's... [sniffing]

… little buddy.

Well, now we know
what Lance was trying to tell us.

Is it possible that I was
an unclear communicator,

demonstrated poor
listening skills,

was too caught up in my own mission
to assess Lance's needs?

[others] Uh-huh.

And don't forget to add one count
of grand theft lobster.

Hey, you were just trying
to help a fellow creature.

We know your heart
was in the right place.

The least I can do
is return Lance's band

to Cap'n Buddy,
as a memento of his old friend.

[sighs]

Getting my catch
of the day used to be joyous.

But now...

[sighs]

[Lance] Get me outta here!

No!

Could it be?

Lance!

Little buddy!

[laughing]

Perhaps returning
this rubber band to Cap'n Buddy

will express
my everlasting remorse.

Huh?

Lance?

Lance!

[alarm sounding]

[Cap'n Buddy] Please, step away
from the lobster!

[theme music plays]