02x02 - Witless for the Prosecution

[bunniefuu]

♪ Once upon a time in Toontown ♪

♪ There was a cat that had it all ♪

♪ Fortune and fame top of the game ♪

♪ Up until he hit the wall ♪

♪ Now he makes a livin' downtown ♪

♪ Walkin' on a brand new beat ♪

♪ Slippin' through the new day
Trippin' on a two-way ♪

♪ Ticket down a one-way street
Beep beep beep ♪

♪ Who's that cat ♪

[siren]

♪ Crackin' up crime? ♪

♪ Stoppin' the clock ♪

[clock ticking]

♪ Hope he gets here on time ♪

[old car horn]

-♪ Let's go--
-Bonkers ♪

♪ Yeah totally nuts ♪

-♪ Bonkers
-No ifs ands or but buts ♪

-♪ Bonkers
-Someone's stealin' the show ♪

♪ Can't stay I gotta go, go! Oh no! ♪

-♪ Bonkers
-Things gettin' outta control ♪

♪ Now you're caught in a trap
Ready to snap ♪

♪ Snappin' the cap
And you're takin' the rap ♪

♪ But ya can't hold back ♪
That wacky attack ♪

♪ That's why you're still a star ♪

-♪ 'Cause you're--
-Bonkers ♪

-♪ Bonkers
-Bonkers ♪

♪ Bonkers ♪

♪ Wherever you-- wherever you--
♪ Wherever you-- ♪

♪ Wherever you are ♪

♪ Bonkers ♪

[Miranda] Hmm. Upscale crowd tonight.

One tuna melt, order of onion
rings and a coffee.

Keep the change.

It's not quite a drive-through window,
but it's a start.

Two cheeseburgers to go.

I wish Grating would have put us
on that counterfeiting case.

Yeah. Who better than a toon
to deal with funny money?

Okay. That'll be $3.99.

And here's your change.

Hey! This is a change.

Check out the new one dollar bills!

[Miranda] Let me see that.

Who gave this to you?

The lady in the limo.

Did you get a good look at her?

Nah. I didn't need to.
She comes by all the time.

It's Lilith DuPrave.

The owner of the Hollywood Chronicle?

Sure. She loves my tuna melt.

Come on. You and I are gonna pay a little
visit to the DuPrave headquarters.

[door bangs shut]

Okay.

We're looking for anything suspicious.

You search this floor, I'll take the top.

Gotcha!

A-ha!

Nobody breathe! Nobody move!

[machinery whirring]

[Bonkers] Hmm. Nobody here.

Whoa!

[gasps]

[screaming] Ow!

[panting]

[groaning and grunting]

[paper rustling]

[Miranda] Police. Take it slow.

-Good evening.
-Printing a little money?

Let's call it a hobby.

Let's call it counterfeiting,
which means you are under arrest.

Pity your evidence just went
up in smoke. [cackling]

Ms. DuPrave! Will you sue the city?

Why the printing press?

-Did you do it?
-Are you guilty?

Gentlemen.

I'm a publisher, not a criminal. [sighs]

In any case, who are you going to believe?

Me, or some glorified meter maid,
who has a buffoon for a partner?

Mr. Blackenblue, it could ruin
me if that young lady testifies.

I will take care of the problem.

Now isn't this just peachy?

Yeah, I made the front page!

You're lucky you didn't make
the obituary page. [sighs]

Clue him in, Officer.

I got to get something for my stomach.

Lilith DuPrave could be the most
powerful woman in the city.

And one of the most corrupt.
We tried to get her before.

-No luck?
-No witnesses.

But this time, it's gonna be different.
'Cause this time we got you.

Now, listen up, Ms. DuPrave is dangerous.

She rubs out witnesses,

so watch your backs.

[door bangs shut]

[car door shuts]

-[screams]
-[screams]

-What are you doing?
-Why are you screaming?

I'm screaming because-- I asked you first.

Well, I was just thinking to myself,
"Self, Miranda's had a tough day.

She needs a break!"
So, I'm inviting you over.

We'll eat junk food.

We'll drop anvils on each other.
It'll be fun.

Uh, [laughs] thanks, Bonkers,
but, um, I already have a date tonight.

-[car tires screeching]
-So--

-[screaming]
-[glass shattering]

Hope that wasn't your date.

K.O., Dennis! Follow that sedan!

I was afraid of this.

-They're already after you.
-[siren wailing]

[groans]

How am I gonna protect you till Monday?

Yeah, a lot could happen in two days.

I want you to go into hiding, now.

We'll put you in one of our safe-houses.

Whoever just tried to plug
me got inside the police garage.

You think he can't break
into some fleabag motel?

-You got a better idea?
-She could hide out with me.

-You... protect her?
-I think it's a good idea.

Yeah!

Are you sure you wanna hide out
with a toon?

-Why not?
-Because you might go bonkers.

[Bonkers] Quick! Iron the curtains!
Tune the calliope! Wax the ceiling!

-[crashing]
-And where's the fruit punch?

-[shrieks]
-Ooh, ooh, ooh!

Miranda's finally going
to see where you live.

I'm simply abuzz with excitement!

[shudders] You're abuzz,
and I'm a basket case!

No! She'll hate it here.

Probably.

I'm done! I'm dust! I'm doomed!

[horn honking]

They're here! Everyone hide!

And don't come out till I signal you.

[Roderick] What is our cue?

"Panic."

Easy with that, men.
That's no ordinary sofa.

[sighs]

Hope you guys are better cops
than you are moving men.

All right, we made it.

Okay, Bobcat. You're in charge.

But just in case, I'm putting these two
on watch, right across the street.

Have a nice stay.

So... welcome!

What do you think?

Nice. Kinda, almost normal.

No chorus line. No cannon fire.
No surprises.

Surprises?

[laughing nervously]
She said surprises. Don't be silly.

[clears throat] Hungry?

[Miranda] A bit, but really,
don't trouble yourself.

No trouble at all.

Watch this!

Isn't that neat?

Bonkers, I owe you an apology.

I guess I expected this place to be a zoo.

Here? Nah, it's a regular picnic.

[gasps] Was that the cue?

He said "picnic," not "panic."

I'd think you'd know the difference.

Okay, okay, wait.
Now, what do you think this is?

I think it's a chair.

Ah! But not just any chair.

[lisping] Got it at Goofy's garage sale!

Oh, Bonkers! Are you okay?

Yeah, fine. Relax. Don't panic.

[all] "Panic"?

Surprise!

-[excited chatter]
-Huh?

My frigate!

[growling]

I'm gonna mash that mangy Bobcat!

Tanya! Roderick! Come on, stop! I mean it!

-[whistles]
-[all screech to a halt]

[blowing party hat]

Don't mind him. He's an idiot.

Can we talk?

This is not the best time for a party.

Okay, okay, okay. I promise!
No party, no surprises.

-You can relax.
-[knock at door]

Relax, he says.

Who is it?

Where's... Bonkers?

[Bonkers] Here.

-Nice boat.
-So... having a party?

Un-uh. No party here.

[Grumbles] I see balloons. I see confetti.
I see the dip.

[screaming] So, how come it's not a party?

Uh, Miranda, how come it's not a party?

-Tuttle.
-What?

Oh. Uh, hello, Officer Wright.

Grumbles? Let go of Bonkers.

Now, let's get the story straight,
shall we?

You haven't seen me.

-Uh... okay.
-Everybody got that?

Sure.

-Certainly.
-Yeah.

Yeah!

[doorbell rings]

It's open.

[stuttering] Hello. Is something going on?

Can't tell you.

-Tell me what?
-That Miranda's here.

[gasps] Oh! Why're you hiding in there?

'Cause someone's trying to k*ll me.

I can identify with that.

This is no time for jokes, Jitters!
Miranda is in danger!

[stuttering] Okay, okay. I just came by
to tell you about my new job.

I'm with the Icky Sticky
Ice Cream Company.

See my truck?

Can we please keep the door shut?

-And look. I have samples.
-Ah! Strawberry. My favorite flavor.

[buzzing]

Hey!

-What is that?
-My vacuum cleaner.

[growls]

Hey! Get off my case!

[straining]

Here boy, here fella, look. Dust bunny.

[creaking]

[buzzing]

This is gonna be a long weekend.

Maybe she doesn't like parties.

Maybe she doesn't like you.

No, that's not it.
Miranda's worried about that hitman.

But she ought to feel safe here with me

Besides, K.O. and Dennis
are across the street.

Hi, guys!

Don't do that.

I know how to help Ms. Wright relax.

First, we sneak up behind her,

then we hit her as hard as we can
with a very large mallet.

Tuttle, Miranda's not a toon.

Right. Well, then, I'll get lost.

"Get lost"?

Tuttle, that's it!

Ah. The dim leading the dumb.

Miranda! You need a vacation.
Fun in the sun. A day at the beach.

Bonkers, I'm in hiding.
I can't go to the beach.

I know that. So, we'll bring
the beach to you

Bring the... whoa!

Aloha!

[Bonkers] Is this a riot, or what?

Maybe I'm not up for so much fun.

[snickers] You think this is fun?

Wait till you see what's up at midnight.

Midnight?

Yeah, that's right, twelve o'clock.
Time for the lava dance!

At 12:05, first aid.

Then at 12:30, fish tossing.

And after the drum lessons at 2:00,
well, I'm gonna tell ya.

I never want to hear another
ukulele as long as I live.

Wait. I don't hear anything.

I can rest.

I can really, really rest.

-[alarm blaring]
-Huh?

[screaming] Oof.

[in sing-song] Morning!

[huffing] That tears it.

Get me Sergeant Grating.

Sarge, this is Miranda.

So, how's our star witness?

Just fine, but, I've been thinking about
moving to one of those safe-houses...

Well, think again.

DuPrave's people have staked
out all of 'em.

That apartment's the safest
place for you to be.

Easy for you to say.

Just hang in there until
the court hearing tomorrow.

What I wouldn't give
to get back to normal.

Okay.

If it's normal she wants, normal she gets.

[beeping]

She is not here.

Any sign of where she's hiding?

No. And I have checked every
police safe-house in the city.

Mr. Blackenblue, I made the mistake
of getting caught by Officer Wright.

Don't you make the mistake
of letting her live.

Madam, your bib.

Good evening.

Tonight's menu features spinach salad,
duck soup and our house specialty,

[kissing] soufflé de Bonkers.

What's the catch?

Flounder. But he's in another series.

-I mean, what gives.
-Oh. Well, I thought

you might enjoy a nice,
quiet dinner. That okay?

Oh! Yeah, sure. Fine.

So far, so good.

Come on, cook, will ya?

[Bonkers] I'm on a schedule!

[ticking]

I told you it'll all be fine.

Ta-da!

Whoa!

You elephantine ignoramus!

You ponderous pachyderm!

You maladroit mastodon!

You...

-[Roderick] You...
-Hope dinner didn't start without us.

-Take that back.
-Don't be absurd!

-Tell him, Jitters.
-[Jitters] Why me?

[yelling]

How's the dinner coming?

[oven sputtering]

It's finished!

[exploding]

Is everybody okay?

[echoing] Sure.

Fine. Anyone for barbecue?

You just don't get it, do you?

I need a place to hide.
To be inconspicuous. But no!

You may as well put out a banner
that says, "Hey! Miranda's here!"

When are you gonna figure out
that this is serious?

But, but, I was being serious! I-- Whoa!

[babbling]

There! You see what I mean?

[laughing]

Hasta la vista, baby.

Bonkers, you gotta be more...

No. [clicks tongue]

Sorry. I got mad last night but--

[sighs] Wrong.

Oh, gosh, the poor guy tries
as hard as he can,

then you go out and trash him.

[yawns] Man, I'll be glad
when this stake-out is over.

-[g*n c*ck]
-Happy?

Bonkers?

Uh, Miranda.

Er, want a little breakfast? I promise.
Totally normal. Nothing psychotic.

-Coffee?
-No.

-Eggs?
-No.

Bonkers, would you just sit down?

Down is good.

I just wanna tell you one thing.

And that is, well...

I'm sorry.

You're sorry?

I was so caught up in my mess,

I didn't see how much you wanted
me to like it here.

So, I'm sorry.

Oh, no! No, no, no!

I was so busy making you happy,
I made you miserable.

If anybody should be sorry, it's me.

-No, I insist.
-No, I insist.

Bonkers, please stop apologizing.

-Sorry.
-[groans]

Run. We're under attack.

[all] We are?

Don't do that.

I'm never gonna get to court.

Miranda, I promised the Sarge
I'd protect you, and I meant it.

I can handle this.

Fair enough.

Okay, pilgrims.

Time to circle the wagons.

Okay. Now, listen.

You be the bottle cap and then you go--

Oh, no, wait, wait. You be the button.

And you pay... You should
be writing this down.

Pay attention!

Okay. Where's the lady cop?

Lady? Not in the closet.

-That's right.
-Definitely not.

[buzzing]

Hey, stop!

[thug yelling]

[g*nsh*t]

Tuttle? My sword.

Ah, good.

Once more, into the breach!

-[g*nsh*t]
-Yuck! Ooh. Icky.

Whoa!

Huh?

[growling]

[curtain squeaks]

Ah! A new guest. Hungry?

[groans]

Ow!

[grunts]

[rumbling]

[Mr. Blackenblue screaming]

Ah!

Going up?

[screaming]

I gotta get to court, fast!

I'll drive!

[Jitters] [stuttering]
No. Oh, not my truck. Wait!

[engine starts]

[tires screeching]

[g*nshots]

-Oh, he's following us. We're doomed.
-Think positive, Jitters.

Okay, I'm positive, we're doomed.

[clanging]

-[banging]
-Oh! Oh! He's on the roof.

He'll scratch the paint.

I'll be back.

I'm not through with you, pal.

There's the courthouse. Hold on!

-[crowd murmuring]
-Order in the court! Order!

Gentlemen, if the prosecution
cannot provide a witness,

I'll have to rule for acquittal.

Your Honor, Officer Wright
may be the victim of foul play.

Sorry, Sergeant, the court needs proof.

This case is dis--

-[crashing]
-[crowd gasping]

Your Honor, I accuse
Lilith DuPrave of counterfeiting.

Oh, and incidentally,
she also put out a contract on my life.

Ms. DuPrave, you're under arrest... again!

[shutter clicking]

[Bonkers gasps] Look, Miranda!

This time we both made the front page.

Well, I gotta admit, you came through.

Thanks, Bonkers.

Aw, anytime, Miranda.

Oh, and I promise,
next weekend will be even better!

Next weekend?

Yeah. First, we'll flood the dining room
and freeze it for ice hockey.

[Miranda] No, Bonkers.

-Ice fishing?
-No.

No hockey. No fishing.

[Bonkers] On second thought,
maybe we'll just stay at the beach.

[theme music playing]