02x08 - The Toon That Ate Hollywood

[bunniefuu]

♪ Once upon a time in Toontown ♪

♪ There was a cat that had it all ♪

♪ Fortune and fame top of the game ♪

♪ Up until he hit the wall ♪

♪ Now he makes a livin' downtown ♪

♪ Walkin' on a brand new beat ♪

♪ Slippin' through the new day
Trippin' on a two-way ♪

♪ Ticket down a one-way street
Beep beep beep ♪

♪ Who's that cat ♪

[siren]

♪ Crackin' up crime? ♪

♪ Stoppin' the clock ♪

[clock ticking]

♪ Hope he gets here on time ♪

[old car horn]

-♪ Let's go--
-Bonkers ♪

♪ Yeah totally nuts ♪

-♪ Bonkers
-No ifs ands or but buts ♪

-♪ Bonkers
-Someone's stealin' the show ♪

♪ Can't stay I gotta go go oh no ♪

-♪ Bonkers
-Things gettin' outta control ♪

♪ Now you're caught in a trap
Ready to snap ♪

♪ Snappin' the cap
And you're takin' the rap ♪

♪ But ya can't hold back ♪
That wacky attack ♪

♪ That's why you're still a star ♪

-♪ 'Cause you're--
-Bonkers ♪

-♪ Bonkers
-Bonkers ♪

♪ Bonkers ♪

♪ Wherever you-- wherever you--
Wherever you-- ♪

♪ Wherever you are ♪

♪ Bonkers ♪

Bonkers, you circle around
while I go after him.

Okay.

Look, I'll circle around.
You go after him.

Okey-dokey, partner.

All right!

I've got you now.

See you around, ding-a-ling.

[boing]

Hi, Kiddies, what time is it?

[all] Gloomy!

That's right, it's Gloomy The Clown time.

[gulp]

[cheering]

Thank you.

And now for something really fun.

Say hello to Mr. Dog.

-Arf, arf.
-[squeak squeak]

h* h*.

Drop the purses, pinhead.

Tryin' to outrun us again, eh?

Well, it won't work this time, because
you've got nowhere to go but, down.

Whoa! Whoa! Hey!

-Ohhh!
-Wow!

[chuckles] See you around, copper!

Nuh-uh. You're not going anywhere.

Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Hey! Hey!

Whoaaaaaa!

Aah!

[all laughing]

I always wanted to be in a band.

I should've known.

This always happens to me.

Sorry about that, kiddies.

But now we'll get back to more gloomy fun.

We want Bonkers! We want--

What do you think of my musical career?
Funny, huh?

Bonkers, police work
isn't always supposed to be funny.

It isn't?

Mirror, mirror, on the wall,
who's the funniest of them all?

He is. [laughing]

Whoopidy woo woo!

Toons? Who thinks they're funny?

When I need a good laugh, Lisa,
I always turn to a toon.

A toon?

If it wasn't for toons,
people could see how funny I really am.

We're here live with famed toon
scientist Ludwig Von Drake

and his newest invention, the humorizer.

That's right, Sonny.

This thing is a giant leap sideways
in toon science.

What exactly does it do,
Professor Von Drake?

Well, it's like a toon tune-up,
don'tcha know it.

Let me show you.

Now, here we have the normal toon.

Funny? No, nothing to write home about.

First, we zap him with the humorizer.

[laughing]

[buzz]

Then we run his sense of humor
through the rinse cycle.

Add a little detergent.

Next we return the rejuvenated humor
to the subject.

[backwards laughter]

-Now he's a whole new toon!
-[laughing]

A machine that sucks
the humor outta toons?

This could be interesting.

[giggling]

[Gloomy] Giggles! Shh!

What's this, his lunch?

Yeah, yeah.

Yum yum.

[laughing]

If he put his lunch in the safe,
where did he hide the humorizer?

Now that I have this thing,
let's get outta here.

[meowing]

[honking]

[Von Drake] Say, what's all that rumpus?

Don't move, you criminal-type person, you,
or I'll have to perforate you!

[coughing]

Hey, who's the Wisenhymer guy?

[slurp]

Apricot pie?

Who the heck throws a apricot pie?

That's not funny.

Now, Rhubarb, that's a funny pie,
don'tcha know.

Let's see how funny toons are when
I drain away their sense of humor.

Then they'll turn to me for laughs
and I'll be ready.

[radio] Calling car 13.

See toon at wacky drive.
Break-in, possible theft.


Gee, my watch reads 10:25.

In wrong hands, that humorizer could
be pretty dangerous, let me tell you.

Why, it could be used as a dehumorizer.

[whish]

[whish]

What are you doing, Bonkers?

I'm dusting for fingerprints.

But, Bonkers, you've cleaned all
the fingerprints off.

Oops.

Why would anyone want
to use it as a dehumorizer?

I don't know.
It just sucks humor outta toons.

Gaaah!

And everybody knows
that a toon without humor

is the saddest thing there is.

Whoopidy woo woo! I sure got you!

And now it's time
for me to whoopidy-woo-woo you.

Whoopidy woo woo woo!

[buzz]

[sobbing]

Hey, this isn't in the script.

[both sobbing]

Now we'll see who gets the last laugh.

[backfires]

Welcome to Toon In a Box.
May I take your order?

Yes. I'll have your sense of humor, to go.

[all sobbing]

There, Giggles. There he is.

[Goofy] Ah-hyuck, ah-hyuck.

Ha ha! We bagged one
of the big ones this time.

[buzz]

Yeah, yeah. A big one.

[both laughing]

[crying]

[crying continues]

Mr. Buzzsaw, can you describe
who did this to you?

You said it all, Bucky.

What meanie would rob a toon's humor?

We've seen seven toons now
and still no leads.

What some people throw away.

Snitch, old buddy.
What are you doing here?

Just practicing my profession.

Wait. That's no ordinary garbage.

Hey! A woman who thinks like I do.

No garbage is ordinary.

Any garbocologist knows that.

We're looking for evidence. See any there?

Hmm. let's find out.

Note. Item one.

Cotton candy and it's fresh, too.

Item two. The bones of a speckled grunion,

a fish commonly used to feed animals
at zoos, circuses,

and strange night club acts.

Item three. A footprint.

A footprint? Where?

You're standing in it.

Oops, sorry.

I knew this guy was a big heel,
but that's ridiculous.

Hmm. we're either looking for a person

with feet the size
of aircraft carriers, or...

-A clown!
-A clown!

I was just about to say that.

[siren]

I should've known this clown was rotten
when we saw his act.

Yeah, but he's still a clown.

So we'll have to fight funny with funny--

bop him with a mallet,
tie him up with string cheese.

Bonkers, hold up.

Maybe you shouldn't go in.
Remember what this guy does to toons.

I don't even wanna think about it.

But I can't let you go in there alone.

Okay, but keep a low profile.

Okey-dokey.

Is this low enough?

[Gloomy]
Ah, the stuff that laughs are made of.

With toons out of the way,

I'll be top banana peel, lord of the pies.

Yeah, lord of the pies.

All right, your lordship, freeze!

A guest! How nice.

If I'd known you were comin',
I'd have baked a pie!

Euhh!

[slurp]

Peach? Peach pie's not funny.

Now, chocolate cream, that's funny.

You think you know funny?
Well, not for long.

Oops.

[laugh fading]

[buzz]

[crying]

[crying continues]

I'll never be funny again!

I'm washed up, ruined, a has-been!

Bonkers, calm down. Take it easy.

Rats. This thing won't work on her.

You're not gettin' away from me
that easy, baggy pants.

Bonkers, let go.

How convenient.

[Bonkers crying]

Hey.

I'm sorry, Miranda!

[crying]

Well, now, Gloomy has a special surprise
for kiddies who mess with his plans.

[Bonkers crying]

I bought this at Houdini's garage sale.

Your partner's tears
will soon fill the tank.

Then it's bye-bye to you and the Bobcat.

[laughing]

♪ Nibble on a noodle and a corny cob ♪

♪ Squash the whole kaboodle
On a squish kabob ♪

♪ Pickles on your pizza
Make a crunchy lunch ♪

♪ Silly billy's chili
Really packs a punch ♪

♪ Sure to give your
Pretty little head a spin ♪

♪ Till you're look as a toony
In the loony bin ♪

♪ We're gonna bop bop bop ♪

I cannot believe they gave my part
to a no-account actor named De Niro.

♪ When the bully boys get crackin' ♪

♪ No time for nappin'
Anything can happen ♪

♪ Zip zam zoom rompin' at the rubber ♪

♪ Bim bam boom baby don't you blubber ♪

♪ Things are really rockin'
At the rubba-rubba-rubba room ♪

♪ Ooh ooh ♪

Ahem.

The party's over, toons.

If I could only-- there, we're free.

Well, relatively speaking.

We're doomed.

We wouldn't be doomed
if you could stop crying.

Bonkers, why do birds
fly south for the winter?

I don't know.

Why?

Because they hate taking the bus.

The poor little birdies!

Wah wah!

What about poor little us?

Yeah. I'm all wet, and I know I'll just
catch a cold.

Say, Bonkers, do you have
any pepper on you?

Sure. A toon always carries some
in case of emergencies.

Why?

Because this is an emergency!

[sneezing]

[sneezing]

Gesundheit.

Come on, Bonkers,
we have to get that clown

so we can get you back to normal.

♪ Oh we want to be amusin'
But it's such a chore ♪

♪ Nothing's very funny
When your life's a bore ♪

Sorry, Bonkers. We're too late.

Oh, no. You're just in time
for the funniest man alive.

Ha! That's a laugh.

Don't move, or I'll break this,
and the world will never smile again.

All right, you... you clown...

hand over the humorizer thing.

Here is it.

No, that's okay. You can keep it.

But don't you ever use it again.

The consequences could be serious.

Only for you.

[laughing]

[crying]

-[ding]
-Look out! It's overloading!

[ding]

[laughing]

Oh-oh.

Giggles, stop that.

I told you the consequences
could be serious.

All that humor has created
some kind of monster!

[ghostly laughter]

Hold steady, men!

There's no toon we can't handle.

[crash]

You're under arrest, toon!
Put your hands in the air!

[honk honk]

Evenin', officers.

Anyone here from Niagara Falls?

[laughing]

I hope I didn't leave any dry eyes
in the audience.

Dry eyes.

[laughing] Get it?

[continues laughing]

Hey, that's my gag.

Put me down.

Put you down?

Okay, you're ugly,
and your shoes are too big.

[laughing]

You were nobody before I made you
my sidekick.

You can't talk to me that way.

Oh, yeah?

How about this way, partner?

[humming]

Never fails. They get big,
they forget who their friends are.

[singing]

Live from Hollywood,
the biggest comic of them all,

Gagzilla!

Did you hear about
the tiger who lost his tail?

He had to go to the retail store.

[laughing]

Good thing we had this street evacuated.

Yeah. His jokes are terrible.

Why you never see hey, hey.
You know overweight fish?

They carry their scales with 'em.

Hey, these are jokes here.

Speaking of fish, what do you get
when you cross a fish with an elephant?

Swimming trunks! [laughing]

If we don't do something quick,

this Gagzilla guy will destroy
the whole city with his running jokes.

[motor whining]

Freeze, frog legs! The gag's up!

Ooohhh. I'm scared.

Uh-oh.

Jogging always makes me hungry.

Time for a little snack.

Oh, please don't eat me!

I'm high in cholesterol
and loaded with polyunsaturated fats.

Relax, pal. I was just going to ask you
to get the waitress.

The service here is so slow.

[clears throat]

How slow is it?

It's so slow that when you order eggs,
you get chickens!

[laughing]

Okay, Gagzilla, put my partner down!

Okey-dokey-smokie.

-[Bonkers screaming]
-[crashing]

Hey, he's not as funny as me. Watch.

See? See?

Get that clown outta there.

I've slipped on the banana peel of life.

Hit him with the tear gas.

[both coughing]

How do I fight funny?

You fight funny with funny.

Have I got a straight line for you!

[whistles]

That's an appealing bunch.

Okay, drop it.

Package for Mr. Gagzilla.

Hmm, for me?

Gee, thanks. Uh-oh.

[laughter]

[laughter]

[laughing]

Sarge, I'm back to normal!

That's all for tonight.

You've been a great audience.

[laughing]

Miranda!

You were funny!

It has a lot to do
with the company I keep.

Yeah, yeah, but what if the exploding
cake gag didn't work?

-Relax. I had a backup.
-Backup?

Oh, no! I forgot to call off the backup!

[slurp]

Banana cream pie.

You are funny, Miranda!

And, Sarge, you're funny, too!

[theme music playing]