02x19 - The 29th Page

[bunniefuu]

♪ Once upon a time in Toontown ♪

♪ There was a cat that had it all ♪

♪ Fortune and fame, top of the game ♪

♪ Up until he hit the wall ♪

♪ Now he makes a livin' downtown ♪

♪ Walkin' on a brand new beat ♪

♪ Slippin' through the new day
Trippin' on a two-way ♪

♪ Ticket down a one-way street
Beep beep beep ♪

♪ Who's that cat ♪

[siren]

♪ Crackin' up crime? ♪

♪ Stoppin' the clock ♪

[clock ticking]

♪ Hope he gets here on time ♪

[old car horn]

-♪ Let's go--
-Bonkers ♪

♪ Yeah! Totally nuts ♪

-♪ Bonkers
-No ifs, ands or but buts ♪

-♪ Bonkers
-Someone's stealin' the show ♪

♪ Can't stay, I gotta go, go! Oh, no! ♪

-♪ Bonkers
-Things gettin' outta control ♪

♪ Now you're caught in a trap
Ready to snap ♪

♪ Snappin' the cap
And you're takin' the rap ♪

♪ But ya can't hold back ♪
That wacky attack ♪

♪ That's why you're still a star ♪

-♪ 'Cause you're--
-Bonkers ♪

-♪ Bonkers
-Bonkers ♪

♪ Bonkers ♪

♪ Wherever you-- wherever you--
Wherever you-- ♪

♪ Wherever you are ♪

♪ Bonkers ♪

Shh.

Keep your antennae open, boys.

The code is, "all that glitters
is not gold."

The guy with that code has some
information on some real glittery stuff.

Wouldn't the hideout be a safer place to--

[crashing]

Don't anybody move!

-This is a raid.
-A raid?

Freeze! Police!

Gee, where'd everybody go?

I coulda sworn I said not to move.

Psst. Hey, buddy, "all that glitters
is not gold".

I know that. There's silver and zinc

and mica and copper
and diamonds and rubber.

No, rubber doesn't glitter.

Hmm, what else glitters?

Now where did he go?

Gee, try and make an arrest.

Power?

I got so much power, the electric company
wants to hook me up to a generator!

All this power is not enough
for Aloysius Vermin The First.

I wanna expand my operation
into the human world.

For that I need money! Lots of money!
Ever hear of Ed Barlow?

Notorious gangster and bootlegger
in the 1920's.

Also known as Eddie
"The Barbarian" Barlow.

He was vicious, brutal, a real terror.

My kinda guy.

He hid his fortune in a secret vault
that's never been found.

I know. I'm about to find out where it is.
My informant should be here any minute.

[yawning]

Who did this to you?

Mother... nature.

Don't worry, boss. He's just cocooning.

Quick! Where's the stash?

Barlow... vault...




Where? Don't leave me hanging here!

I need more information!

Don't worry, boss.
He's gonna come out just fine--

-With wings! You'll see.
-When?

-Half past next spring.
-"Half past next spring".

[laughing]

I can't wait!

I want that 29th page.

I don't care where you find it,
I don't care how you find it,

just find it!

Or else, you can all go back
to exterminator commercials.

At today's press conference,

"the dodgers need the president said,
a cleanup hitter."

That's not right, is it? Uh--wait.

Page 29 is missing from my script!

[orchestra plays]

[music halts]

What happened to page 29?

And the leg bone's connected to the--

Jim, could you check the book? Page 29.

It's missing. Page 29 is gone.

[clears throat]

"She walks in duty day and night,

"crooks better watch out
for Miranda wright.

"Of countless crimes by scary guys,

"she's nabbed more thieves
than a fly's got eyes.

"She'll slug a thug with her quick right,

"she's tougher than a meteorite.

"and though I'm only half her size,

I like her more than chicken thighs."

-Yeah!
-Yay!

Gee... thanks, Bonkers.

Nobody's ever said that to me before
in quite that way.

Since when do you write poetry?

Since I read this.

It's art. It's inspirational.

It's changed my life.

"For folks so nice, let's say it twice.

We'll clean your pipes
for half the price"?

Bonkers, it's a plumbing ad.

Yeah.

You've written a lot of poems
about your friends.

Jitters, Snitch... Grading?

Oh, that's my favorite! It goes like this.

"An eggplant is purple,
that's not in dispute...

Poetry, Bobcat? Non-regulation.

Oh, but, Sarge, I wrote a poem about you!

This is roll call!

Oh, sure, Sarge. I'll tell you later.

"w*r and peace" no!

"Green eggs and ham"

"Embalming for fun and profit"

Hmm...

I found it! Oh, boss, oh, boss,
looky, looky!

I found the secret of the vault!

"The secret of the vault is...

Hitting the springboard
with sufficient speed"?

Yeah, boss, isn't that great?
You hit the springboard--

Treasure-- yes. Gymnastics-- no!

I'm sorry, boss.

He's sorry?

-He's sorry.
-He's sorry.

Check government offices,
records, logbooks. Capisce?

I can't believe you wrote a poem
about Grating.

How many words rhyme with creep?


Forget it.

Hi, Jitters!

Oh, not so loud, Bonkers.
I've got a huge headache today.

I've got just the medicine.
Want to hear your poem?

-Well...
-Good!

"There once was a dog known as Jitters,

"The best sidekick
of all the toon critters.

"If he's hit on the head
by an anvil of lead...

"His reaction will always bring titters."

"I'm sorry I cause him such pains,

"and he never, not ever, complains.

"Be it train wreck or bulldozer

"or freezin' exposure,

"my buddy, he always remains."

[audience cheers]

No... more... poetry.

[screaming]

[walkie talkie] Car 13, car 13,
get to the public library on the double.

Come on, Shakespeare.
We've got work to do.

[woman] Every book, magazine,
newspaper ruined!

Wow. Poetry and the art
of plumbing maintenance.

This is a must.

-Only the 29th page was stolen.
-Every 29th page was stolen!

You sure this is what the boss meant
by stealing from government agencies?

Yeah, yeah, sure, sure.
This is a cop car. Cops are government.

Boy, this missing page 29 thing
is really odd.

No kidding. I bet somebody's making
a lot of paper airplanes.

Sarge, poetry time!

Not now, Bobcat. I got work to do.

Oh, excuse me. Excuse me.

Oh, hi, Joe. Back so soon?

No, no, no!

Aw, come on, Sarge.

It'll just take a--

Hey, it's gone!

Your poem's gone!

I can't tell you how upset I am.

But, Sarge, it's page 29.

This crime is bigger than we thought.

Why, 'cause it happened to you?

Yes!

Looks like somebody stole page 29

of the being polite to your fellow
officers manual.

Grating's copy.

Very funny, miss manners.

How about you and your partner answering
a page at the airport

and clear up their traffic jam?

Please? Thank you.

[horns honking]

How did the Sarge's poem go?

Eggplant is fungus-- No, that's not it.

Huh?

Whoa. Something's wrong here.
Let's check it out.

[alarms sounding]

Hollywood P.D. what's going on?

A page from the V.O.R. Fog alert
codebook's missing.

Page 29?

Yeah. How'd you know?

There's no coded vectors
for the incoming flights.

Wow. What's that in English?

We can't see them,
and they can't see the runway.

-We gotta save those planes.
-Without those codes, the radar's useless!

Without the radar talking him down,
my radio's not going to cut it!

Bonkers, where are you going?

Police! I'm commandeering these balloons.

Please?

Bonkers?

Tower, I want to report a UFO.

Whoo!

[tower] It's not a UFO.
It's a toon traffic cop.

Follow his lead. Over.

Only in Hollywood.

Okay, let's see if I remember
my remedial semaphore.

Hold for... Purple pigs? Huh?

Wait a minute.

That's Pig Latin!

Turn right and follow me.

Okay!

Ohh. Hurray. I did it!

We'll get to the bottom of this.

Let's do some research.

None of these are it!

Research, that's what we need.

And I know just the rat to bug.

[dog barking]

We got your green plastic bottles,

clear plastic bottles,
white plastic bottles...

[clunk] Owie!

Steady, Bonkers.

Never sneak up on a garbage scientist
while he's recycling.

Snitch, we need your help.

The 29th page is being stolen from
every book in town!

Al Vermin's been throwing out
tons of them. You should ask him.

But why the 29th page?

Interesting you should ask
that particular question.

[tape playing backwards]

the 29th page is famous through history
for its significant importance.

The 29th scroll of King Tut's will

bequeathed the Pyramids
to a barber named Herb.

That's it!
Al's always been big on real estate.

In Egypt?

The 29th page of Napoleon's diary
contains his plan for world conquest

and a very nice recipe
for Veal Scaloppini.

-That's it! Al loves Veal.
-Not to mention world conquest.

But I doubt a toon roach
wants to invade Russia.

The 29th page of the 1927 Hollywood P.D.
arrest record

tells the location of Barbarian Barlow's
secret vault.

-A-ha!
-Naaa, that's not it.

-Yes, it is!
-Yes, it is!

At the station it is?
It's been all this time?

What Irony! What poetic justice! What--

Thanks, Snitch. Sorry to research and run.

The police station, eh?

Yeah. And our buddies the cops
will lead us right to it.

It's been here all the time!

Let's see what we got.

Hey, it's a b*mb!

A klg-7 roach b*mb. Tricky stuff.
I'll need the manual for this.

Uh-oh.

Let me guess. Page 29?

Yep. It's missing.

So that's where the vault is.

Come on. Hurry before
we get our heads blown off!

Just stay calm...

Nobody panic.
Everything's going to be alright.

Evacuate!

[commotion]

Forgot the book!

Where's Miranda?

Psst, Miranda, what are you doing?

Not breaking in new kneepads!

I'm trying to disarm the b*mb!

[b*mb ticking]

Heh?

Hey!

Yikes!

Where are you running to?

I'm running out of time.
That b*mb's going to blow!

Just one more wire.

But which one?

Here. Use this.

"Cut the blue wire
from the corner screw..."

Cutting blue wire.

Why is it still ticking?

"After loosening the screw."

I know. I'll throw the b*mb in the ocean!

The ocean's a little farther away
than I thought.

Where were you the night of august 22nd?

What were you doing?
Who's playing at the forum?

At home. Reading. My Madonna.

Hey, that's pretty good.

I always had a great memory.

Wish I had a better memory.

Then I'd remember the rest
of the poem I wrote for the Sarge.

You're a poet?

Well... I dabble.

I love poetry.

I was the bookworm in the "read for fun"
commercials.

I knew you looked familiar!

This is supposed to be an interrogation.

The vault's on Barlow's yacht--
Hollywood Harbor, Dry Dock 138.

I'm terrible under pressure.

You see, Sarge? Nothing gets by me.

Grrr.

Let's go!

You can't take him! He's a suspect.

He's our informant. Just call for backup.

Don't tell me what to do!

I'm the boss here.

[growls]

Hello, dispatch? I need backup.

[all grunting]

Remind me to get you weaklings
dumbbells for Christmas.

On second thought, I don't need any more
dummies working for me.

Which way, Worm?

Hey, look at that anchor!

Wow!

Bonkers, stealth and quiet.

Ah, stealth.

[clang] Quiet.

Cops and our old friend Benedict Inchworm.

Bonkers!

This means w*r.

[g*n fire]

Tally-h*!

En garde. En masse.

Ooh.

Ennui.

In The Three Bonkateers,
I fenced the whole French army.

Of course,
they were all asleep at the time.

Bye-bye, Bobcat!

Hyaaaah... Aaaahooo!

All ashore that's goin' ashore.

Surrender or the worm's fish food.

Heeeeelp!

[Vermin laughing]

Follow me, bugs and girls.

This roach is about to strike it rich!

Heh?

Hey, boss, where's the treasure?

"When pollen is flying,
eyeballs keep crying."

Poetry?

[both] Poetry!

This is Barbarian Barlow's
secret treasure?

Yeow!

[sirens]

I am going to rip you all into--

Cheese it! The cops!

We will meet again, Bobcat.

Come on, Wormy.

That's poetic justice for you.

Reach for it, Roach.

Too late, Sarge.

Well, at least we have this poetry.
What better treasure?

Treasure... Hmm.

Bonkers, let's see what's on page 29.

"If you're reading this and I'm not here,
Barbarian Barlow is gone, I fear."

Oh, not this stuff again!

"Just find a loose board,
"right behind's the reward

I never got to enjoy. That's clear."

Whoo! His meter's way off.
His rhymes are cliches.

No, no. The loose board, get it?

I don't see any...

Loose board.

Next time, I'm going to get Al Vermin.

That roach will spend

Yeah, but my poem is gone forever!

Maybe I'll do something else
for the sarge,

like make an ice sculpture of him.

Special delivery for officer Bobcat.

Wow! Mail for me?

Hey, it's from Worm.

"Thought you might want this back."

My poem! Sarge!

No! No!

"An eggplant is purple,
that's not in dispute.

"And neither is this, I observe--

"When b*ll*ts are flying
and bad guys do sh**t,

"I'm glad under Grating I serve.

"He's courageous and cunning,
I can't help salute

"this sergeant with plenty of nerve."

You like it, Sarge?

Nah.

Yike!

-"This sergeant with plenty of nerve"
-Sarge, you liked it!

Out!

Oh, Sarge, you really liked it!

[theme music playing]