01x22 - The Good, the Bad, & the Kanifky

[bunniefuu]

♪ Once upon a time in Toontown ♪

♪ There was a cat that had it all ♪

♪ Fortune and fame, top of the game ♪

♪ Up until he hit the wall ♪

♪ Now he makes a livin' downtown ♪

♪ Walkin' on a brand new beat ♪

♪ Slippin' through the new day
Trippin' on a two-way ♪

♪ Ticket down a one-way street
Beep beep beep ♪

♪ Who's that cat ♪

[siren]

♪ Crackin' up crime? ♪

♪ Stoppin' the clock ♪

[clock ticking]

♪ Hope he gets here on time ♪

[old car horn]

-♪ Let's go-- ♪
-♪ Bonkers ♪

♪ Yeah! Totally nuts ♪

-♪ Bonkers ♪
-♪ No ifs, ands or but buts ♪

-♪ Bonkers ♪
-♪ Someone's stealin' the show ♪

♪ Can't stay, I gotta go, go! Oh, no! ♪

-♪ Bonkers ♪
-♪ Things gettin' outta control ♪

♪ Now you're caught in a trap
Ready to snap ♪

♪ Snappin' the cap ♪
And you're takin' the rap ♪

♪ But ya can't hold back ♪
That wacky attack ♪

♪ That's why you're still a star ♪

-♪ 'Cause you're-- ♪
-♪ Bonkers ♪

-♪ Bonkers ♪
-♪ Bonkers ♪

♪ Bonkers ♪

♪ Wherever you-- wherever you--
Wherever you-- ♪

♪ Wherever you are ♪

♪ Bonkers ♪

[Chief Kanifky] Hmm. says here,
"Insert plug "B" into slot "A".

So where's slot "A"?

-[indistinct chattering]
-[knocking]

Wow! Did I miss Christmas?

[boing]

Where's my present?

This is not a present, son.

It's our new portable
S.W.A.T. Team command post.

Golly.

I'd like to have it built before the mayor
pays a visit to the station this morning.

This is what it'll look like
when it's finished.

Let me help! I'm good at building things.

As long as you find slot "A."

Way cool! Look at this!

"Experimental sound amplification

by stimulated emission
of radiation system."

This must be the foreign model.
It's not in English.

Nah, that doesn't look like slot "A."

It takes batteries.
Whatever it is I'll find them.

Here they are.

Gosh! They're small, aren't they?

Okay. Here she goes.

[electronic buzzing]

What's that?

Uh... I think it's this!

The sound amplification
thing--doodle is on.

[Bonkers] It's alive!

[whirring]

Oops!

[zaps]

What did you do?

It's those workout tapes
I've been watching.

I don't know my own strength anymore.

[Kanifky] It's not stopping.

[Bonkers screaming]

[Kanifky] My desk! Do something, officer!

When all else fails...

Aah!

[whirring slows]

[whirring accelerates]

Did you want an elevator
in your office, chief?

[screaming]

[both grunting]

[Mayor] I'm pleased to name
this week's officer of the week, Lucky--

-[applause]
-[rumbling]

[coughing]

What in the world?

What are you guys doing? The mayor's here.

Mr. Big Enchilada, the city person?
That Mayor?

-Mr. Mayor, I'm so sorry.
-Kanifky!

I should have known you were behind this,
You-- you...

[Chief Kanifky] Well, I-- I, sir...
[stammering]

I've got to help the boss out.

Let me explain, sir.

I thought it was Christmas, but it wasn't.

It was for the chief building
a new command post.

He works for you?

I hired him. Yes.

Um, would you like to go on, sir?

A medal? Get outta here!
Way to go, partner!

Partner? He's your partner?

What are you running here, Chief Kanifky?

Or should I say detective Kanifky?

Due to what I believe are some serious
deficiencies in management,

Chief Kanifky is relieved
of his command immediately.

An interim chief will be hired.

I promise I'll be good! I promise--
Wait a minute! You're blaming the chief?

The chief will temporarily be reassigned.

-[Bonkers] Reassigned?
-[Lucky] Where?

-[Bonkers] With us?
-[Lucky] The toon squad?

Alright! A new partner! A new compadre!

We'll be the three mouseketeers!

The three--

Why do I get the feeling
I'm the only one cheering?

Because you don't cheer demotions.

Ahem. Well, men, I--
I guess I'll see you at roll call.

So, uh, who's the new rookie?

Yeah, what t*rture can we put
this fresh meat through, huh?


He's no rookie.

He's the chief!

Attention!

Now, now. I'm not chief anymore.
At least for the time being. Relax.

On behalf of the rest of us
in the toon squad,

let me say how...

♪ How wonderful it is to see you ♪

♪ Wonderful it is to walk with you ♪

♪ Wonderful it is to be with you ♪

Well, thanks for the song.

You know, I've decided to make the best of
this and enjoy being a foot soldier again.

And speaking of feet,
you wanna hear some jokes or what?

No, not now, Light.

We're about to do
some serious police stuff.

Stuff? Then how about
we do some magic stuff?

A card trick.
Some tricks. Anything-- a show, a song!

Talk about having the deck
stacked against ya.

No need to open the door for me, Pickle.

Uh, but, uh, I was going to drive.

As senior officer present,
I think I should drive, don't you?

I should have called in sick.

[tires squealing]

[snoring]

And then, in 1976,

I was transferred to homicide
right after my rookie year.

My partner was a guy named Mundy...

Attention, all cars!

Be on the look out for a stolen
two-tone green van!

License number 2166. Over.

Hang on. We got a code three!

Code three? Move! Move! Move!

[indistinct screaming]

[tires screeching]

[siren wailing]

[indistinct screaming]

-[Kanifky] Oh! I can't see! I can't see!
-[Lucky] Kanify, sir, please!

-[siren wailing]
-[tires screeching]

[wailing]

Attention, all cars! Now, listen up.

Ex-chief of police in reckless pursuit
of unknown suspects.

Somebody come and tell this guy
he's not the terminator!


[tires screeching]

Chief, we're not an airplane. Let him go!

[Kanifky] This brings back memories!

Send my belongings to the stand-up home!

[all yelling]

[rattling]

I don't think they had this in mind
when they said "clean up the city."

Mm, this is not my union contract.

Whoa! Are you all right, son?

Nothing a two-day bath won't cure.

Pfft! pow!

Well, this could have been worse.

-How?
-How?

We could have sunk.

[Kanifky] Oops.

[twittering]

[slurp] Ahh!

There's nothing like a good cup
of java in the morning.

I just need something to wake
me up from this nightmare.

What nightmare?

I had this horrible dream
that Chief Kanifky got demoted

and wound up our partner.

[Kanifky] Morning, troops!

What a wonderful day to go crime-busting!

I just lost my appetite.

Relax, Lucky. How much worse can it get?

Morning, Officer Radio.

Oh, boy. Here we go with the Pollyanna.

Hey! Where's Officer Light?

He called in... sick.

Really? Morning sickness?

Maybe Light's gonna have
little light bulbs! [laughing]

Just sh**t me.

-[teeth chattering]
-[Lucky] This really takes the turtle wax.

A hundred burglaries, a dozen homicides,

and at least ten white-collar crimes
to solve every day in this city,

and what do we get?

We get called to rescue a toon
stuck up a tree!

Not just any toon, Lucky.

It's Antsy Ant, star of all those bug
grenade ant trap commercials.

Yeah, that's... great.

Alright, we're going up, men.

Office Bonkers, you climb up that tree
and try to get him to come down with you.

Pickle, you climb up to that adjacent
roof and grab him if he decides to bolt.

I'll stand by below in case the ant falls.

Come on, people, let's move!

He's gonna bring back my ulcer. I know it.

Come on, buddy. It's only a few
feet down to the ground.

What's there to worry about?

[whimpering indistinctly]

Why, sure, you're scared.
We're all scared.

Life is like a ride on a roller coaster
without mag wheels.

I hate when he gets philosophical.

Now, give me your hanny.

-Easy. Easy.
-[Teeth chattering]

Now, get him!

[screaming]

[crashing]

Uh-oh!

[Lucky] Okay, we got a real case now.

Grand theft division has passed
this onto us.

Seems their suspect is a toon.

-Aah!
-[Kanifky] What's the matter?

[Lucky] What is it now?

Oh, nothing. He just reminds me
of my ex-agent.

Yeah.

This is Scatter Squirrel.
He's been stealing supplies of nuts.

Ah-ha! What kind of nuts?

Who cares? The point
is the city's runnin' out of nuts.

Not likely. This is California.

That's cute.

This is where the grand theft guys think
our toon's gonna hit,

the macadamia warehouse.

We're gonna catch him
in the act, right, boss?

If we don't put a hole in the roof first.

Uh, not to worry, Pickle...

Uh, Piquel.

I won't let you down.

Gee, that was kind of mean, big guy.

Hey, my neck's riding on his performance.

You got a pretty big neck, Lucky.
It could take it. Popcorn?

[Lucky] Well, if I'm supposed
to feel guilty...

It's not workin'!

[static]

[Bonkers] Incognito two
to incognito leader.

Come in, please. Over.

[static]

Incognito leader to blown cover two,
stay off the radio.

You want the squirrel to hear us?

And quit going... [imitates static]

[imitates static]

Sorry, incog-- I mean,

sorry, incognito leader. It's just...

I love this stuff!

Incognito two to big cheese.

Lucky says we have to stay off the radio.

I'll be quiet as a mouse.
You won't hear me. No, sir.

Make pretend I'm not even here.

In my dreams.

You know, boss, if we catch the squirrel,
maybe the chief will get some credit

and become chief again.

Yeah... and be off our backs!

Then it'll be back to just you and me.

Heh. Yeah, well, we got that going for us.

Bonkers, go cover the back door.

Suckers! [laughing]

[cracking]

Ooh. I love that sound.

Macadamias! [slurps] Ooh!

Ha-ha-ha! Now to get past the cops!

[crashing]

Bonkers, did you hear that? I'm goin' in.

Me, too.

[snoring]

Oh, no! This guy needs an adenoid job,
Okay? I can't take it.

Incognito two to big cheese.
Big cheese. Come in.

This is it! Code three. Roll!

What? This is it?

He said code three. Come on, let's go!
Go! Go! Go! Go!

[tires screeching]

Bonkers, what are you doin'?

That wasn't me, no way.

He didn't even go... [static].

Surprise, coppers!

Care for a little snack
before the cavalry arrives?

-Let's get him!
-Not so fast.

[stammering]

He's mine!

Hey easy! Easy! Let's wait for backup!

[Kanifky] Not in this lifetime!

[tires screeching]

What's he doing? He's supposed to brake!

Chief, stop that car!

-[tires screeching]
-[crashing]

What a waste of good nuts!

[Lucky yelling]

[rumbling]

[crashing]

[car backfiring]

Well, men, we lost him. Didn't we?

We lost him, didn't we?

[Major] Here's the list of damages
your little escapade cost the city.

"Macadamia nut inventory $2,000.

Warehouse damage and repair $9,000.

Stolen forklift $6,000."

$6,000! That was a used model for the--

"One police squad car...

totaled."

Did I make my point?

Yes, sir.

Your best against the toon squirrel

was to rack up $12,000 in damages
and still lose him?

I'm sorry, sir.

No. I'm sorry... to have to do this.

You have just officially resigned
your post...

citizen Kanifky!

[Bonkers sobbing] This is terrible!

Horrible! Real kick to the cereal lovers.

If only we had more time together!

[sobbing]

[honk]

Thanks, Bonkers.

I'm gonna really miss you, Kanif.

May I call you that?

Ahem.

Uh, sir, your walking papers
just came through.

Lucky, what is this world coming to?

You get demoted, you lose your badge,
and then you need a license just to walk.

Look, sir...

I'm sorry.

We were all to blame
for the macadamia fiasco.

Not just you.

Thanks for that, Pickle.

It's just my whole life,
all I've ever been is a cop.

Now, I don't know what I'm gonna do.

Hey, cheer up, Chief.

I know what you could do.
You could go fishing.

With all that time you'd sit out there
in the great blue.

Think of all that you can... catch.

Oops.

You're right, I guess.

I'll, uh, come back for my things.

[ripping]

Well, I won't have to worry
about my laundry bills anymore.

Doesn't seem fair. You lose three suits
and he loses a career.

It's nuts, nuts, I tell you!

Please don't say nuts.

I'm up to here with nuts!
If I see one more nut, I'll faint.

Nuts? That's it. That's it.

Here he goes again.

Lucky, I know where the squirrel's
gonna strike next.

Come on, I'll tell you on the way.

On the way where?

Kanifky's.

[whistling]

[Kanifky] Hey, Floppy.
I caught me a five-pounder, boy!

[sniffs]

[growling]

Oh, you're right, boy. Who am I kidding?

I miss the station, the smell of crime,
the thrill of the chase,

the sound of--

-[Bonkers] Hey, Chief!
-[gasps]

Chief, we got a plan.

[coughing and spluttering]

Actually, it's, uh, his plan.

You're gonna help us catch the squirrel.

Really? Me?

But...

I'm retired.

Lucky!

What? Oh, yeah.

Ahem. We can't finish
the case without you, sir.

But how can I?

You can make a citizen's arrest,
can't you?

Yes, sir, I can!

Let me get changed and I'll be right back.

See? I told you he'd do it.

You can see I'm dancing with joy.

[man] Cashew residence.

California Power and Light.
I'm, uh, here to read your meter.

[man] Uh, just a moment.

This is easier than I thought.

[Bonkers] Good thing we got Kanifky's
command post assembled, huh?

Oh, yeah. You sure this is gonna work?

Have I ever steered you wrong?

How can you possibly ask
that question with a straight face?

Hey. You're right. My face is straight.

[chuckles] Yeah.

Coast looks clear. [chuckles]

[dings]

There's the little bolt-head.

[crashes]

You are my hostage.

Hostage? What?

Ha-ha, once your company knows
I have their head cashew,

they'll give me all the nuts I want.

Want some now?

[chuckles] No, I'm all right.

[beeping]

-[buzzing]
-That's it. Code three.

[Bonkers] Here come the Marines!

[Lucky] He's in the first floor den!

Okay, don't move. This nutcracker
is loaded. I'll just call in your ransom.

I wouldn't do that if I were you.

Oh, I'm so scared.

[screaming]

Comfy?

[Scatter muffled voice]
It was a trap. How did you know?

[chuckles]

I have to admit, that disguise
was giving me an itch.

[Scatter] Nice try.

What do you mean, try?

-You're under arrest.
-Not!

You should have never used unsalted.

They're my faves.

Way to foul-up, blockhead.

-[Scatter yells]
-In a hurry, squirrely-boy?

Aah!

Don't you just love technology?

[panting] I'm sorry.

I almost lost him.

Never use unsalted nuts around a toon.
They'll get you every time.

Wait, Lucky!

I got a better idea.

You know, boss,
I could have been a photo journalist.

I can't believe we gave him the collar.

Good morning!

-Good morning!
-Isn't this a great picture?

You two better stand at attention when
the Chief of Police walks in the room.

Snap to it!

-Yes, sir!
-Yes, sir!

[chuckles] Relax, boys. I got my job back.

[both] That's great!

[both] Congratulations, sir!

Pickle, I owe it all to you
and your partner.

And I want to do something for you.

A promotion would be nice, sir.

I'm going to make it a point to join you
two in a case at least once a month.

It was great to do real police work again!

And who better to do it with than you two?

[theme music playing]