03x02 - O Cartoon! My Cartoon!

[bunniefuu]

♪ Once upon a time in Toontown ♪

♪ There was a cat that had it all ♪

♪ Fortune and fame,
Top of the game ♪

♪ Up until he hit the wall ♪

♪ Now he makes
A livin' downtown ♪

♪ Walkin' on a brand new beat ♪

♪ Slippin' through the new day
Trippin' on a two-way ♪

♪ Ticket down a one-way street
Beep beep beep ♪

♪ Who's that cat ♪

[siren]

♪ Crackin' up crime? ♪

♪ Stoppin' the clock ♪

[clock ticking]

♪ Hope he gets here on time ♪

[old car horn]

-♪ Let's go--
-Bonkers ♪

-♪ Yeah!
-Totally nuts ♪

-♪ Bonkers
-No ifs, ands or but buts ♪

-♪ Bonkers
-Someone's stealin' the show ♪

♪ Can't stay, I gotta go, go! Oh no! ♪

-♪ Bonkers
-Things gettin' outta control ♪

♪ Now you're caught in a trap
Ready to snap ♪

♪ Snappin' the cap
And you're takin' the rap ♪

♪ But ya can't hold back
That wacky attack ♪

♪ That's why you're still a star ♪

-♪ 'Cause you're-- ♪
-Bonkers ♪

-♪ Bonkers
-Bonkers ♪

♪ Bonkers ♪

♪ Wherever you-- wherever you--
Wherever you-- ♪

♪ Wherever you are ♪

♪ Bonkers ♪

[Sparrow] This is Movie Reel News

and I'm Edward R. Sparrow
reporting on... great heroes of our day.

[all] Yay!

Today's subject is...

-Bonkers D. Bobcat.
-[airplane engine]

-Pizza!
-[shouting]

Get your pizza!

Anybody hungry?

[firing]

I'll take that as a no.

[Sparrow] Nowhere in the annals of a--

Hey! Hey! Hey! Hold on just a minute!
There'll be no colorization of this film!

We stand for artistic integrity here!

This is a black and white movie.

-[man] Okay! Okay! Sorry.
-[water squirting]

Ahem! That's better.

Now, where were we?

[b*mb explodes]

[telephone rings]

[Fawn] Purple Heart Pizza.

We deliver to your trench or tent
in 30 minutes or your money back.

[splat]

Boys! One super sausage, hold
the cholesterol to go.

Delivery boy, first-class Bobcat,
ready for duty, Miss Fawn.

But this order's for the b*ttlefield.

The evil red baron is out there.
He's mean and dangerous

and-- and--

and... stuff.

[patriotic music playing]

-[g*n firing]
-[bombs exploding]

[soldiers] Hooray!

[loud kiss]

Don't worry, Fawn. I'm ready for... stuff.

You know me, "Mr. Cool Under Pressure."

Oh, Bonkers, you're so brave.

[thermometer pops]

[Sparrow] The brave Bobcat set off,
about to make delivery boy history.

-[firing]
-[Bobcat exclaims]

[firing]

[firing]

[burping]

[firing]

[firing]

[firing]

[bicycle tires screeching]

[whirring]

[brakes skidding]

[splat]

A minefield.

[Sherman tank engine]

[boom]

[clanging]

See ya later, Betsy.

Okay, Bonkers.

Step on one of those babies
and I'm the first bobcat on Mars.

Whoa... ooh!

Whoa, uh, oh, ooh!

Phew!

That was close.

[rattling]

Yieee!

There goes another one.

[zoom]

[airplane engine]

[thud]

Hey! What was that?

The Red Baron! Um... oh, uh, don't worry.

It's just your tail gunner.

Pow! Rat-a-tat-tat!

Oh. Well, good. Wait a second.

I have no tail gunner.

Pow. Oh... uh... hi.

It's you! [shouting]

Please. I'm too young to go.
I shouldn't even be here.

I have flat feet, you know.

Oh you're some fast delivery person.

I just ordered that pizza over
the radio a minute ago.

Hey! That's for the boys
in the trenches, not you.

-It is so for me.
-Is not!

-Is so!
-Is not.

-Is so!
-Is not.

-So! So! So!
-Not! Not! Not!

Look out!

I won't fall for that trick.

[smashes through barn door]

-[mooing]
-[duck squawking]

[ambulance honks]

[automatic car lock sound]

Anybody call for a medic?

Wait a minute! I'm not hurt.

Oh, let me be the judge of that, son.

Whoo! That's cold. [teeth chattering]

Hmm. I think we'll have to operate.

No wait! I have to get this pizza
to the trenches.

She's counting on me and I'm not wounded!

[b*ll*ts firing]

-I'm hungry! I want that pizza! [shouting]
-[b*ll*ts firing]

Now's our chance.

For what?

-[starts engine]
-[tires screech]

[doctor] Oh, no! My ambulance! Whoa!

I hate... my life.

Don't worry. We'll shake him.

-[tires explode]
-[stammers] This is... oh... shaky enough.

[ambulance skidding]

Oh, what deft timing.

One more minute and your 30 minutes
would have been up.

Turtle.

Here... I have a coupon. Half off.

Duck!

We ordered sausage, not duck.

[airplane diving]

[pizza spinning]

[splat]

[sputtering]

[airplane nosedives]

-[crash]
-[airplane explodes]

Plates!

[plop, plop, plop]

[Sparrow] So the brave delivery boy
fed the hungry troops.

And to this day, who can forget
the thankful soldiers' cry of...

Hey! This pizza's cold!

[incoming whistle]

[splat]

Yet another poem...

[clears throat]
by Walt Whitman... more or less.

Oh cartoon! My cartoon!

Our story is begun.

The plot will twist most every way

before the tale is done.

A shadow falls

-A siren screams
-[siren]

-Too late you guard your pate
-[incoming whistle]

-[crash]
- But oh, ha, ha, ha

-Oh agony and dread
-[alarm ringing]

[expl*si*n]

Ow!

Where on the floor my cartoon lies

[incoming whistle]

-an anvil on his head.
-[crash]

[muffled cry]

Oh cartoon! My cartoon!

Arise and take a bow

-[thud]
-But don't forget, we're not done yet.

Oh no.

Beware the furred cow!

-[thud]
-Moo!

For you, the smack.

[boing]

-For you, the whack
-[slap]

For you, a sock of fish

-[slap]
-[spinning]

Yecch.

Doomsday, bombs away

-[skidding sound]
-Phew.

A custard pie, that's rich

-[squeaks]
-[explodes]

Oh cartoon! Dear cartoon!

Hanging on by just a thread

But never fret you're bound to get
an anvil on your head

[clank]

My cartoon doesn't answer

His parts scattered about,
he stoops to pick the pieces up

His face is full of doubt

He knows the grand finale
will cause pain as yet unknown

I do?

But don't despair. You have a spare.

A handy dandy clone.

-[clang]
-Phew.

[chuckling]

Oh cartoon! My cartoon!

Of you, there are but shreds,
but ere all's done there is still one

anvil on your head

[whines]

[anvil clunks]

[upbeat music playing]

[snoring]

[yawn]

[music blaring]

[shouting] Yo, Bonkers! Move it!

[firing]

[bang]

[clanking]

[bottles rattling]

-[crumbling sound]
-[ceiling crashes]

Who would make such a racket?

[marching music]

[crash]

What's going on?

If I didn't know any better,
I'd think somebody was moving in.

[crash]

I'll bet somebody's moving in.

[repeated banging]

[knocking]

Now listen here!

Gentlemen.

Whoa!

I'm sorry.

Are we making too much noise?

I'm just moving in.

I'm your new neighbor.

[heart beating wildly]

Neighbor?

Neighbor!

Want to borrow a cup of sugar?

How about a quart of milk?

Bow and arrow? Whitewall tires?

My mummy's dying to meet you.

How about an igloo? I made it myself.
Oops. Too late.

[giggles] That's very neighborly of you,
but what I really need is a spatula.

I was hoping to make pancakes.

Spatula?

Bah, why... don't move!

Wow!

[zooming downstairs]

[objects clattering]

What in the world?

Plunger?

Aha!

[crash]

-Don't ask.
-[whistle]

[skate wheels skidding]

Whoa!

-brakes sounding
-horn honking

Kids, don't try this at home.
I'm a trained toon professional.

See what I mean?

[springboard sound]

[ascending whistle]

[airplane engine]

-[loud thud]
-[passengers exclaiming]

[peddling]

[sawing]

-[plop]
-[descending whistle]

[giggles excitedly]

[metal prying]

[descending whistle]

[ripping]

-[whoosh]
-[boing]

[honk]

[metal clinking]

[vehicle approaching]

Ehh!

-[bullfighting music]
-Toro! Toro!

-[tires screeching]
-[crash]

[boom]

[accordion wheezing]

My spatula!

For bullfighting and bad polka.

-[cracking]

And that's for littering.

Oh, please, please, please, please,
Mr. Officer! Please. You gotta help me!

I need a spatula! [whining]

Gotta help me!

That's for whining.

If you want a spatula,[shouting] go buy
one!

What a great idea!

I gotta go to the bank!

[automated female voice] ID number.

Social security number.

Phone number.

Square root of 1,262.

[crunch]

Okay, Mr. Smarty-No-Pants,
try the bonus round.

[video game sounds]

[whooping]

Take some of this!

Ladies and gentlemen, we have a winner!

[shuffling]

[muffled music playing]

-Aah!
-[smash]

Good morning. May I interest
you in a rocket sled?

They're selling like hot cakes.

No! Speaking of hot cakes,
I need a spatula!

It's for her.

If I had a spatula, this could happen.

And this!

But I don't carry spatulas.

Um, this'll do.

-[plop]
-[engine roars]

Will that be cash... or char-- aah!

[shattering wood]

-[whoosh]
-[both screaming]

Hoo-hoo!

Push the red button!

Did I mention I'm color blind?

I hate my life.

[zoom]

[Jitters] Please turn around!

Hey! Next time
I'm buying an American sled.

[pinball sounds]

[both exclaiming]

[shouting] Pull up! Pull up!

[whoosh]

[Bonkers] Hey! We're gonna make it!

-[rocket slowing down]
-[backfires]

[Bonkers] Or not.

[Bonkers screaming]

-[crash]
-[Both screaming]

[crash]

[Fawn exclaims]
You're just in time for breakfast.

Look what I found.

Hoo hoo hoo!

[bell rings]

[Bonkers] London... wet and damp.
My kinda town.

Queen Tanya had summoned me,
Sheerluck Bonkers,

-to her palace at Windsor castle.
-[horseshoes clip clop]

But why would she need to see me,
the world's greatest detective?

She obviously heard of my reputation
for solving the biggest cases,

the littlest cases, the crank cases,

but she hired me anyway.

As the taxi drew closer to the castle,
I deduced something was afoot.

[man] Get out!
I hate voice-over narration!

[Bonkers] My deduction,
as usual, was correct.

I deduce there'll be no
tip for you, my good man!

[puffing]

-[pop]
-[splat]

I wouldn't dream of exposing him
to secondary smoke.

Now to find Windsor Castle.

[Tour guide] Next stop... Windsor Castle.
Please stay in line.

I deduce it's this way.

[royal music playing]

[munching loudly]

[locket buzzing]

This way, sir. You are expected.

As I expected.

I deduce I'm in Jitters, love.

I mean, in jealous, litters. Love with--
Gee whiz!

Is that Queen Tanya?

No, sir. That is Fawn Deer,

Princess of Doemania.

She's here to present
her royal majesty with--

[Bonkers] Wait, my good man.

Sheerluck Bonkers needs no hints.

I deduce she's here
to present her majesty with...

Your majesty, my people wish
to present you with-- aah!

A scream.

Actually, I would've thought roses or
maybe chocolates more appropriate.

[crying] The royal necklace!

O-o-oh, it's gone!

Your highness, I am Sheerluck Bonkers.

And this is no doubt
the work of that evil genius,

Moriarty Grumbles, master of disguise
and nefarious no-good-doer.

There, there, dear lady, no need to cry.

[honk]

I'll deliver that necklace into your hands
before midnight.

Are you a delivery boy?

Eh, sometimes, you know, when things
are slow in the crime biz.

But right now, I'm Sheerluck Bonkers.

And I'm off to gather clues. Gotta go.

Who's the genius in the beanie?

He's the twit we brought in to find your
lost skate key, your majesty.

Clues! Clues! Gotta find some clues!

Wish there was a Clues R Us around here.

What's this? Looks like a neck.
And there's a clue on it!

A tasty clue at that.

Jelly, as I suspected.

Jelly's kept in the kitchen.

The cook works in the kitchen.

Therefore, the cook is Moriarty Grumbles,
who's also in the kitchen, in disguise!

Dr. Jitters, to the kitchen!

My creation! My masterpiece!

I'll call it Lizard Flambé.

Freeze, Moriarty Grumbles!

I love saying that.

Pheasant.

That's peasant--

[Jitters screaming]

[crash]

Whatever.

Let's see who's really
under that chef's hat.

[Bonkers screaming]

[Bonkers crashes]

[Jitters] Sheerluck, where are we?

[Bonkers sniffs]

[Bonkers] From the smell of sulphur

and the grainy texture of this material,
I'd say...

we're in the gunpowder room.

Oh.

[both screaming]

I see a road. We must be outside.

[exclaims] I see mud. It must be raining.

I see lights in the distance.

Hence, ergo, and therefore, it must be...

[vehicle horn blaring]

a truck.

No time to rest, Jitters.
Quit foolin' around! The game's afoot!

[owl hoots]

It's the butler! And he's got a weapon!

That plus his bad accent means he must be
Moriarty in disguise! Of course!

Release the lever, Jitters.

Uh, I don't think--

That's what I like most about you.

Now release the lever, Jitters!

[Bonkers screams]

oh!

[chiming]

[Bonkers] Fear not, fair princess.

It's midnight and I'll deliver
the solution to you now.

All clues point to Moriarty Grumbles
being none other than...

Who else? Music sting.

The butler!

Then again, maybe... not.

[crashes]

Dr. Jitters, here, allow me
to adjust your... neck zipper?

Jelly doughnuts?

Sticky fingerprints?

Aha! You scoundrel!

You robber! You-- you nice, nice man.

[siren wails]

But where's the necklace?

With the real Dr. Jitters of course.

I deduce that by pulling this fake book,

the wall will slide open to reveal...

I mean this book.

Okay. This book. This one.

This one over here. Or this one.

[Bonkers exclaims]
I-- I mean, behind this painting,

Just as I deduced and I really did.

Are you okay?

I hate my life.

That's my pal.

[theme music playing]