01x28 - Stand-In Dad

[bunniefuu]

♪ Once upon a time in Toontown ♪

♪ There was a cat that had it all ♪

♪ Fortune and fame, top of the game ♪

♪ Up until he hit the wall ♪

♪ Now he makes a livin' downtown ♪

♪ Walkin' on a brand new beat ♪

♪ Slippin' through the new day
Trippin' on a two-way ♪

♪ Ticket down a one-way street
Beep beep beep ♪

♪ Who's that cat ♪

[siren]

♪ Crackin' up crime? ♪

♪ Stoppin' the clock ♪

[clock ticking]

♪ Hope he gets here on time ♪

[old car horn]

-♪ Let's go-- ♪
-♪ Bonkers ♪

♪ Yeah! Totally nuts ♪

-♪ Bonkers ♪
-♪ No ifs, ands or but buts ♪

-♪ Bonkers ♪
-♪ Someone's stealin' the show ♪

♪ Can't stay, I gotta go, go! Oh, no! ♪

-♪ Bonkers ♪
-♪ Things gettin' outta control ♪

♪ Now you're caught in a trap
Ready to snap ♪

♪ Snappin' the cap
And you're takin' the rap ♪

♪ But ya can't hold back
That wacky attack ♪

♪ That's why you're still a star ♪

-♪ 'Cause you're-- ♪
-♪ Bonkers ♪

-♪ Bonkers ♪
-♪ Bonkers ♪

♪ Bonkers ♪

♪ Wherever you-- wherever you--
Wherever you-- ♪

♪ Wherever you are ♪

♪ Bonkers ♪

[indistinct chatter]

[chuckles] Come on, kiddies!

Let's see, if you can wiggle
your feelers like uncle Arnie, the ant!

That's it! Shake those antennae!

[chuckles]

Now, let's see you shake those stingers!

Oh, you kids are amazing!

Keep those wrigglers wriggling! That's it.

Hee-hee-hee-hee! Nickels, a dime, pennies!

[laughs]

Keep it shaking, grandpa.

Whew, old gramps
has to rest his air pumpers.

Say, you kids are terrific
at following directions.

Did I ever tell you the story
about the little boy and--

Hey, ice the story, gramps,
or no checky-poo this week.

Poor little Joe ant,
found out the hard way

roller blades and cookie
crumbs do not mix.

[all] Oh...

When I say keep the kiddies jumping,

I mean don't stop til their
snaggy little pockets are empty.

Bye-bye, gramps.

-Ooh!
-Whoa!

[children laughing]

[screaming]

[crash]

[laughing]

Oh, man, I love this show. [chuckles]

Grandpa Arnie, you're the greatest.
[laughing]

Alright, Marilyn, I'll give you three
guesses, and the first two don't count.

Oh, mom. Outrageous!

I'm glad your father's finally managing
to spend some quality time with you.

He's been so busy lately.

[telephone ringing]

Hi, daddy.

You bet. Getting ready right now.

[indistinct chatter]

Don't worry, dad.

What's a little late
between best buds, huh?

Really?

[indistinct chatter]

Of course I love you. You're my father.

It's a law or something, isn't it?

If you break it, I'll arrest you.

Stay loose, sweetheart.
I'll be there as soon as I can.

All right, let's hustle, Bonkers.

I got to get out of this dumb disguise.
I want to pick up some candy for Marilyn.

Ah!

Come on! Hurry up!

[crying]

Don't worry, Sunny.
We'll take care of you.

Oh... crying children.

"criminals, cows, cantaloupes, crying--"

Ah! "crying." Here it is.

"To dry tears, speak in soothing voice."

Do not cry. I am here to help you.

[crying continues]

If you do not tell me where you live,
I cannot take you home.

Tell Marilyn ten minutes for paperwork
and I'm out of here.

I'm not gonna be any later
than I can help.

-Check.
-[chief] Man.

I've got a pretty damp situation here.

Oh, hey, big guy.

Your choice, regular or superbubble?
Want a little insider's advice?

Take both.

Two chews are better than one.

Heh. That's better.

Oh, thank goodness.

Bonkers, I'm going to get his address.

See if you can turn into
a mother's day card.

I love this man's mind.

Let's pretend he's a mother's day card,
and you're gonna mail him to your mommy.

[laughing]

It's my special spot.

[both laughing]

Unbelievable.

Let's get you home, sweetheart.

You fellas are terrific with kids,
and I speak with authority,

having been a former kid myself.

Get me out of here. This could take hours.

Got a problem case, Pickle.
You'd be perfect.

Good with kids, mind of a child.
Why didn't I see it before?

Come on, gramps. We want to help.
Who's after you? What's their motive?

[shivering] I can't tell you.
He'll get me.

Names, grams. Give us a name.

Meet grandpa Arnie, number
one rated kiddie star.

He's too scared to talk.

Where'd you find him, chief?

On Clarabell street, incoherent.

Um, that's fascinating, chief,

but I have to, uh--

I smell a career maker for you, Pickle.

Piquel.

I want you to go undercover

as the new grandpa Arnie,
find out what's going on.

Uh, but-- but-- but I could never, uh--

Get over to the set, Pickle.
You'll be brilliant, brilliant.

Uh, but my daughter, sir.
See, I'm-- I'm supposed to--

What's the glue for, Bonkers?

Insurance.

I can't believe this.

No sweat, Lucky.

You get the gig, play the show,

and you'll have the whole evening
free for Marilyn.

They never told me at the police academy
that there'd be days like this.

Oh, no, no, Lucky.

Not plink.

When taking a whipped
cream pie into mushie,

one has to produce more
articulate fulness.

Articulate fulness?

Now, let's try it again.

No, no, no. That's not it, either.
We must think more comedically.

No.

-[splats]
-No.

[sighs] I'll never eat dessert again.

Hmm. perhaps we should just
go to the audition and be spontaneous.

My arm's getting tired.

[chuckles] His arm's getting tired.

I can barely move.

It's perfect. Now, let me do the talking.

Sweetie, baby, cookie, cupcake.
Word's out that gramps went wacko.

Tough break, Benny,
but have I got a star for you!

We are talking constellation,
major wattage, and a work for scale.

Yeah, let's see his stuff.
If they like him, I like him.

We're on, partner.
Just leave everything to me.

[drum roll]

[clears throat]

Wacka, wacka, wacka, kids!

Hello, I'm, uh--

[children laughing]

What are you doing?

Classic comedy.

[grunts]

Ah! Come on!

[grunts]

[screaming]

[crash]

If I ever see you
or your clumsy sidekick again--

[children laughing]

[grunts] Oh... show business.

Congratulations.
You're the new grandpa Arnie.

Huh?

Get your galoshes into makeup.
Showtime's in one half hour.

Hey, hey, hey. Marilyn's your biggest fan.

She'll understand.
Just give her some of that Lucky Piquel

daddy-daughter bonding stuff.

Um, um, Marilyn, honey, uh, listen,
I've got a little problem here.

Daddy's gonna take a little longer
than he thought and, uh...

-[indistinct chattering]
-Well, I'm not sure, honey.

Maybe we could play it by ear?
I don't know.

Sure, daddy. That's okay.

No, really. Bye.

What happened, honey?

Oh, nothing.

Now, tell me what's going on, sweetie.

It's just sometimes--

sometimes I don't think
daddy wants to be with me.

Oh, honey. Marilyn, your daddy loves you

more than anything
else in the whole world.

-We both do.
-I know.

And there is no one he would rather
spend time with than you.

But it's daddy's job to help other people.

And I know it's hard,
but sometimes we have to share him.

Yeah.

And he really does want to be with you.

He's been planning this night for weeks.

Yeah?

[Lucky] Thanks, kids.

See you tomorrow.

Same time.

-Same face.
-[children cheering]

They love you.
Get back down there, you big--

[cheering]

Fine. Now. Get me out of this clown suit.

[grunts]

Stop that!

[crash]

Mr. Big idea man.
"We'll just glue it on, Lucky."

I can't spend quality time
with Marilyn dressed like this.

I don't know, I think you look
kind of cuddly.

-Bonkers!
-Hmm...

[ding]

[coughing]

Still stuck?

Still asking?

[Chief Kanifky] Pickle!

Yes, sir. Piquel.

[Chief Kanifky] Listen up.
I want you to stay undercover.

Do not take that costume off. Understand?

No problem.

Oh, nuts. This is crazy.

She's not gonna buy this, Bonkers.

Chill out, luckster.
Grandpa Arnie's her favorite, right?

Yeah.

He's right up there with chocolate.

Then this is perfect.

Now, let me do the talking.

Bonkers! What are you doing here?

Marilyn, your dad is so upset.

When I left him
he looked sadder than a wet cat.

He asked me to cheer you up.

Now, I have a friend who just
so happens to have the night free.

I thought we'd paint the town purple.

You're sweet,

but I was looking forward
to some time with my pop,

no one else.

Not even if it's...

Grandpa Arnie!

[Dyl] And who pray tell is grandpa Arnie?

Ahem. It's me! Heh heh.

Dyl... Uh, ma'am, Mrs. Piquel,

Heh. Your husband wanted me
to show Marilyn a good time.

Lucky? Oh! Uh, lucky!

Yes, it's very lucky

That Lucky sent you.

[laughs] Marilyn was feeling
a bit depressed.

Is it alright for me to go, mom?

Oh, certainly.
You all have a wonderful time.

Thanks, Mrs. P. let's go, guys.

Sometimes it feels as if
I'm living in a cartoon.

[all cheering]

Oh... man. I mean, oh, man!

[both panting]

That was absolutely excellent!

[Lucky] Sure was a humdinger!

[Marilyn] This will make him feel better.

Mom always gives me ginger ale.

I know she does.

You do?

Oh, I mean-- I mean, well, all moms do.

Don't they?

I guess you're right.

[man] Your, um, special order, sir.

Ooh, yum! Chocolate sundae
with sardines on the side.

My dad likes those, too.

Oh, yeah. You ought to try it.

You know, I'm kind of glad
my dad couldn't make it tonight.

You are? I mean you are?

Well, yeah, I mean, I don't get
to see him all the time,

but I know he's busy helping people.

But to get to spend an evening
with grandpa Arnie, wow!

Well, uh, you can come
visit me anytime you want.

Really? That would be great.

[sobbing]

Oh, Nickie. You were the best!

I'll never forget you.

I'll, never have another nickel like you.

I'll never forgive my daddy
for dropping you in that parking meter.

I'm not going to stop
until I find you again.

Not til I nab every nickel on earth.

I won't rest until you're safe with me!

[chuckles] Nobody home?

No pocket change! Who is this nerd?

What have we here?

A copper?

That guy's a copper?

[Bonkers] Oh, no more
thrill-seeking for this Bobcat.

[sighs] I thought toons were
indestructible.

We are, but you shake up the color chart,
things can get ugly.

That's better. Feel like a new toon.

Which is a whole lot more
than I can say for you.

What gives? I thought the evening
was pretty much a success.

[sighs] I feel I've lost her, Bonkers.
We spend so little time together,

she prefers the company
of grandpa Arnie to mine.

What are you talking about?

She told me she'd rather
be with me than with...

me.

Oh, that's silly. She loves you!

Oh, no, no. She loves me.

But you aren't you. You're you.

She doesn't know that.

-But... good point.
-[knock on door]

Have a good show, grandpa.

Break a leg.

Sweetie, baby, terrific!
Good one, right. See ya.

Yeah!

Lucky, I know my bad guys,
and he's our man.

I don't know. I just want to spend time
with my daughter.

[coughing] Don't worry, partner.
I'll be right back.

Poor Luckmeister. I feel terrible.

Especially since I'm kind of responsible.
Ah! I know!

Marilyn, why don't you come
to the show today?

Yeah, grandpa Arnie has someone
he wants you to meet.

Now, let's see.
Should I use the anteater again or...

death by unexpected
gravitational pull of a heavy object?

[laughs] I just love my job!

[indistinct chatter]

Marilyn!

Yoo-hoo, Marilyn!

Bonkers!

Hurry, it's showtime. Where's your mom?

Oh, she's watching the taping
of a soap opera in the studio next door.

I'm meeting her after the show.

Why are you dressed like that?

Because, I'm grandpa Arnie's talent agent.

[chuckles] I like to keep my li'l toe
in the biz, you know.

Oh, right.
Uh, so who am I supposed to meet?

You'll see, after the show.

Later!

[children cheering]

[chuckles] Afternoon, kids!

Have we got a--

[screaming]

[children laughing]

What's going on?

[Bonkers] Get out of the way!

What?

Oh-oh.

Gosh!

Don't worry, kids.
Minor technical difficulties.

[children laughing continues]

All right, two bits. This net's for you.

I always wanted to say that.

In the words of my late great-granddaddy,
David O. Seltzer Water,

never trust an agent.

Bye-bye, grampsy!

[Lucky] No, no, no, no!

[revving]

[crash]

[children laughing]

[gasps] Money!

I'll find you, Nickie.

[screeches]

[rumbles]

Whoa. Whoa-oh.

-[bell rings]
-Hold tight, buckeroo!

[screams]

Where'd you learn that one?

My first starring role,

Three Dudes and a Pony.

[children cheering and laughing]

[children cheering]

What are you doing?

[evil cackling]

So that's his scam.

Let go, you creep. It's mine!

Marilyn?

What's she doing here?

My fault.

I wanted her to know you're not you.

You're really you.

Marilyn!

Daddy!

So, you're daddy's little girl, huh?

Marilyn!

[Marilyn] Daddy!

[exclaiming]

"Acme glue. No solvent, no command,
except for giant robotic anteater."

That was easy.

Daddy!

Bonkers! Help!

Save Marilyn!

Don't worry, Lucky!

[grunts]

Let go of the girl or your nose gets it.

Never!

-Ow!
-[zaps]

Antie!

[Lucky] Give me the girl, two bits.
And I'll give you my last nickel.

Nickie!

[Bonkers] So on account of because we
couldn't find out whose money was whose--

Viola!

Your very own amusement park.

Free admission forever!

[all cheering]

Say, uh, Marilyn...

I have an apology to make, pumpkin.

For what?

Uh, for not taking you out on our date.

See, I wanted to,
but the problem was that I--

Come on, daddy. You're not undercover now.

You did take me out.

I didn't say anything because
I knew you were working.

How did you know it was me?

There's only one grandpa Arnie.

But you want to know the real tip-off?

What?

Who else orders chocolate sundaes
with sardines on the side?

Yuck! [laughs]

Hey, did you ever try it?

See? You never tried it, did you?
You never tried it.

See? You don't know what
you're talking about.

Little smart kid...

[Marilyn laughing]

[theme music playing]