03x03 - If

[bunniefuu]

♪ Once upon a time in Toontown ♪

♪ There was a cat that had it all ♪

♪ Fortune and fame top of the game ♪

♪ Up until he hit the wall ♪

♪ Now he makes a livin' downtown ♪

♪ Walkin' on a brand new beat ♪

♪ Slippin' through the new day
Trippin' on a two-way ♪

♪ Ticket down a one-way street
Beep beep beep ♪

♪ Who's that cat ♪

[siren]

♪ Crackin' up crime? ♪

♪ Stoppin' the clock ♪

[clock ticking]

♪ Hope he gets here on time ♪

[old car horn]

-♪ Let's go--
-Bonkers ♪

♪ Yeah totally nuts ♪

-♪ Bonkers
-No ifs ands or but buts ♪

-♪ Bonkers
-Someone's stealin' the show ♪

♪ Can't stay I gotta go, go! Oh no! ♪

-♪ Bonkers
-Things gettin' outta control ♪

♪ Now you're caught in a trap
Ready to snap ♪

♪ Snappin' the cap
And you're takin' the rap ♪

♪ But ya can't hold back
That wacky attack ♪

♪ That's why you're still a star ♪

-♪ 'Cause you're--
-Bonkers ♪

-♪ Bonkers
-Bonkers ♪

♪ Bonkers ♪

♪ Wherever you-- wherever you--
Wherever you-- ♪

♪ Wherever you are ♪

♪ Bonkers ♪

Oh, yes, ma'am. We're the fastest in town.

Guaranteed delivery in five
minutes or they're free.

Okay, a sweetheart bouquet it is.

Bonkers, front and center!

Yes, sir. Right here, right now. Happy
to help. I m the guy. What can I do--

I want you to get these
flowers across town

and deliver them to Fawn Deer.

Fawn Deer?

Flowers? For me?

Star of stage, screen, and television?

-That Fawn Deer?
-Yeah, and you've got five minutes.

Make that four minutes.

Oh, and, Bonkers,
if you mess up this time,

you're through!

Four minutes? Plenty of time.

[whistling]

Maybe I'll take the bus.

[indistinct chattering]

[indistinct chattering]

Hey, wait. Hold the phone! Hit the brakes!

Excuse me.

Whew!

[ticking]

[horns honking]

[honk]

Uh-oh.

The Farewell to Arms, please.

Thanks, pal.

Taxi!

[humming]

The Farewell to Arms, please.

Alrighty.

[ding]

Could you please hurry?

Okey-dokey.

Faster!

[screaming]

[screaming]

Sure, don't pay. What do I care?

See? Nothing to worry about.

There's a light at the end of the tunnel.

[train horn blowing]

[screaming]

Whew! That was close.

[horn blowing]

[screaming]

[both screaming]

[both screaming]

Ah... The Farewell to Arms.

Now, let's see. Says here
that Fawn Deer is on the 99th floor?

Flowers? For me?

My carburetor's cracked,

-my piston's pulverized--
-Keep the motor running.

What motor?

[Boss] If you mess up this time,
you're through!

[panting]

[out of breath]

[ding]

Whoa!

Aah!

I've got you!

Be right back!

I hate my life.

Oh.

Right on time.

Miss Deer, these are for you.

Flowers? For me? Oh, how lovely.

[inhales deeply]

You deserve a big reward.

Aah!

Wow! What a kiss.

If, by Rudyard Kipling, sort of.

Ahem.

[Bonkers] If you can keep your head
when all about you

have anvils dropping
airs out of the blue...

If you can wink and blinking
for the other shoe

and come out looking
just as good as new...

If you are blown to tiny smithereenies

but safe and sound the next
time you appear

or being stomped by hordes
of screaming mimis...

♪ Mi mi mi mi ♪

Never flinch or falter out of fear.

If you can challenge gravity and nature
and fall until you meet your final doom.

If you can hold a b*mb
whose fuse is burning

and never cringe before the big kaboom!

If you can fill six wacko,
slapstick minutes

and get one laugh that's
real before you're done.

Yours is a cartoon with everything
in it and, which is more,

you'll be a toon, my son.

[telephone ringing]

Hello?

[telephone ringing]

Hello?

-[telephone ringing]
-Hello?

-[telephone ringing]
-Hello?

Hello? Hello? Hello? Hello?

Hello? Hello? Hello? Hello?

[telephone ringing]

House of Everything.

Oh, hi, Boss. You sound great.

[yelling]

You broke your leg?

[yelling]

I was nowhere near the place.

I need you to bring
an important package to me.

[screaming]

That's what I call pain.
I bet I'm delivering his medicine,

but where is it?

[telephones ringing]

We're closed!

[ringing stops]

[screaming]

[grunting]

[grunting]

[grunting]

You must be Grumbles' dog, Wimpy.

Funny, I pictured you differently.

I bet you pictured me differently, too.

Oh, boy.

[burp]

So, the pooch wants to play rough, eh?

Let him try and stop me from
delivering Grumbles' medicine.

[grunting]

[honk honk]

[honking]

Yeah. Well, how about this?

[honking]

[drilling]

Yeah? Try catching me up here.

You can't get me. You can't get--

[gulp]

Mm-mmm.

Ohh!

[chomp]

Beat ya!

Or not.

Ah--

[sneezing]

Air mail.

[grunting laughter]

[sniffing]

h* h* h*!

[sniffing]

It smells like a barbecue.

Wonder what's cooking.

[laughing]

It's me! [shouting]

This may be a bad time,
but can I use your phone?

I have to get this medicine to Grumbles.
He's depending on me. [ring]

-Funny. I know he's home.
-[phone ringing]

[roar]

This is a great idea.
One jump, and you'll never see me again.

Huh?

[grunting]

And people wonder why I hate my life.

Look out!

You always did know how to accessorize.

[screaming]

[screaming]

Look out!

[grunting]

[brakes squeal]

I brought your medicine.

What are you talking about?

This isn't medicine. It's dog food.

[whistles]

This mutt's finicky.

There's nothing else he'll eat.

[chomp chomp]

I bet I can think of something.

[screaming]

[grunting]

[chomp chomp]

[chomp chomp chomp chomp]

[telephone rings]

[telephone rings]

Pony Express.

-[neighs]
-[coughing]

Too sick to work?
Stay off your hoofs. Call me tomorrow.

-[clears throat]
-Howdy.

May I help you?

I require the services
of your most fearless rider.

Our most fearless rider is over yonder.

Sometimes it pays to show a little fear.

This is the Old West.
There must be one valiant volunteer.

[heavy footsteps]

[cowboy music playing]

Hey, I'm down here.

Trail Mix Bonkers at your service.

[screaming]

[woman screaming]

Got to watch that first step.
I think we've found our volunteer.

Oh! That's the last time
I buy a 9-gallon hat.

This package must be in San Francisco
by sundown tomorrow.

It contains a money plate.

That's a plate used to print money.

Well, I'll be a buckin' Bobcat!

That's cowboy talk.

There will be vicious desperadoes
after the plate and you.

So I'll understand if you say no.

Are you kidding?
I don't know the meaning of the word.

[g*nsh*t]

"No is an adverb meaning
not at all or to refuse."

And be on the lookout
for the Grumbles Kid.

He'll stop at nothing to get that plate.

Wow! This guy has a face
only a mother could love.

Even I ain't like it, that much.

Don't worry. Neither sand nor sleet

nor-- nor any of that other
stuff could stop me.

Oh!

Oh! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!

-[whinnies]
-Giddy--ugh-up!

Not afraid of danger, huh?

That Bobcat doesn't know
the meaning of the word.

[laughing]

"Danger, to expose to injury or harm."

[Red River Valley playing]

Well, partner, it's
just you and me, roughin' it

and waitin' for the grub
to be done a-cookin'.

[Plays Red River Valley]

I rough it just so far.

My beans!

The Grumbles Kid.

[gulp]

Now give me the money plate.

Neither rain nor sleet
nor stolen gassy vegetables

will make me give you that plate.

-[coughing]
-[whistles]

[whinnies]

Ow! Doh!

I want that plate, Bobcat!

Could you give me just a little time?

How long?

That'll do.

Equal hay.

Equal work for equal hay.

What are those nags nagging about?

The horses' local is on strike.
They've shut everybody down.

Not the Pony Express. What?

For equal hay.

[Bonkers] Gilligan!

For equal hay.

What am I going to do now?

[man] All aboard for San Francisco!

[Bonkers] A wagon train!

[Grumbles] Give me that money plate!

♪ You didn't say please ♪

[brakes squeal]

Ooh!

I really know how to stretch a dollar.

Pardon me, sir,
but I'm the cat who missed the choo-choo.

That was the last express for today,
but here comes a local.

[brakes squeal]

All aboard.

Yee-ha.

Giddy-up.

[oink]

[Jitters] Uh, isn't your job dangerous?

[Bonkers] Not at all, Jitters.

It's fun, means you get to wear neat hats.

Now, everyone will think
you're a Pony Express rider,

including the Grumbles Kid.

[screaming]

[screaming]

[clang]

[ship siren blows]

[chicken clucking]

[screaming]

[sneezing]

[screaming]

-I want my plate.
-You want it?

You can have it!

[Sheriff] You did it, kid.

[Sheriff] Congratulations
on catching the Grumbles Kid.

Now, all of San Francisco's proud of you.

It was my pleasure.

Sorry about the plate, though.

Like I say, there's more
than one way to skin a Bobcat.

Oop. Sorry.

What I meant was, there's more
than one way to print money.

[whinning]

Gilligan! The strike must be over.

What did you get?

-[whinnies]
-A pay raise?

Heh heh. We'll talk.

Well, sure gonna miss ya there, Trail Mix.

-Ever think about retiring?
-Me? Retire?

I don't know the meaning of the word.

The Grumbles Kid has escaped!

"Retire, to withdraw
from one's occupation."

-Quickly! So long, Sheriff!
-[whinnies]

Gilligan!

[theme music playing]