02x10 - Bearded Billy/The Nerve

[bunniefuu]

[Laughs]

- Dying is easy.
Comedy is hard.

[Drumroll]

- Are you ready?

I said are you ready?

- Yes, I am ready.

- Come on.
Let's do this.

- Uh, mom?
The bathroom is
talking to me again.

Should I get my vitamins?

- Oh, billy!
Your dad is doing
something for mommy!

He's shaving his beard,
even though he hates to.

It's well worth the effort.

It makes mommy happy.

- Ooh! Kinda like when
mandy makes me eat worms

And makes fun of me
for eating them?

- Why, yes, billy.
It's the exact same thing.

- So watch your father,
and learn how to be cool,

And be loved for
doing things you hate.

- Ok!

- Come on.
You can do this.

Let's get it on!

Hello, gerico.
Steel friend.

Huh!





Still standing.

- Wow! Having a beard
is so cool!

All the ladies love me.

- Step forward
when I call your name.

- That's the one.
The one with the cool beard.

- All the ladies love me.

- Mmm.

- All the ladies love me!

- Hey, boy,
trying to think, huh?

- No. I don't do that anymore.

- Why are you
shaving your beard?
It's cool!

- Well, son, you see,
if I shave my face,

Mommy shaves her legs.

- And now these messages.

Bacon-flavored toothpaste?

Why didn't anybody
think of it before?

- This tv stinks.

- I really don't know why
I come over here anymore.

- Isn't this your house?

- Do you want to be cool?

Do you want to be rich?

Well, how about having hair?

Anywhere you want,
you can have it.

Get a jump on puberty,

Or just look cooler
than ever before.

[Squeals]

- It's as if you're talking
directly to me.

- So don't wait.
Go and get some now.

- Ok, tv.

At last, the moment has come

Where I step out of
the shadow of humiliation

And into the light
of coolsville.

[Gulping]

Oh, yeah!

Time to show off my coolness.

- Hey, billy,
what you doing, man?

- Who wants to know?

- Your mother.
Who do you think?

- Well, mother,
what I'm doing is

Showing off
my new beard,

And I can tell
you're jealous.

- Mm-hmm.
You bought some
hair tonic, didn't you?

- And now I have a beard.
La-da-de-tin-da.

- Here. Let me
spice that up for you.

- Still jealous, hairless?

[Sighs]

- Thanks, mom.

- Be careful, billy.
This stuff is
really powerful

And blah blah blah.

[Laughs]

- Oh, sweet elixir.

[Gulping]

Eww! Woohoo! Total.

[Laughs]

Read it and weep, jerkfaces.
Billy's back.

With a beard!

[Sniffs]

Mmm. Not sure of
the coolest stubble yet.

I sure hope mom and the tv
didn't lie to me.

Yes!

[Making ape sounds]

I have the evolutionary
follicle power of a silverback!

[Makes ape sound]
I'm so giddy.

Let's watch from the mirror.

Ooh, I like that style.

Rugged billy.

Mountain billy.

Oh, yeah!
Hyuk, hillbilly!

Ok, beard.
It's time to stop.

Halt! Open sesame!

Eh, I'll just shave it off.

What's happening to me?

Wait. This is the greatest
beard in the world!

It's like having a beard
on my head and my body!

And it feels so...
[Muffled speech]

Hack... Ahh... Aah!

- Oh, sweetie, are you still
shaving in there?

Let me see how...

[Gasps]
sasquatch!

- No-no-no-no-no, wait!

- I thought I told you
it's over.

We had an agreement that
you would never return.

Aah!

Sasquatch! Sasquatch!

Stalker sasquatch!

Sasquatch! Sasquatch!

Stalker sasquatch!

Sasquatch!

Stalker sasquatch!

- Look. Billy must have taken
too much hair tonic.

- Hair tonic?
What possible good
could come of that?

I mean, why not use your powers

For something that'll put cash
in our pocket?

- Stalker sasquatch
sighting reported.

A reward has been issued
for capture of the sasquatch.

Claim reward at
channel 6 news building.

- How ironic.

Billy is useful after all.

Let's tag a sasquatch
and get that reward.

[Siren wailing]

Oh, man. They're using chum
to draw him out.

And knowing how much
billy likes chum,

It's just a matter of time.

- So we'll just wait
until he comes to us.

Now let's just
enjoy the show.

[Screaming]

- G' day, mates.

My name is hoss.
Hoss delgado.

And I've just returned
from australia,

Where I've been hunting
the elusive and wily

Vampire koala bear.

Stupid but clever.

And now I get word of
a rogue sasquatch
loose in the area.

Have you ladies seen
any sasquatches
around these parts?

- The sasquatch is mine.

- Don't worry, little boy.

Tell your granny there
with the walking stick

That hoss delgado
is on the case.

I've tracked these
stupid animals before.

Stupid but clever.

- Yes. He's very stupid,

But it's not what you think.

- Shh. Quiet, little boy.

I'm getting a feeling.

A sasquatch is nearby.

- Don't confuse
smell with feeling.

- And so begins the hunt.

Watch your step, shovel nose.

You and your bony
preacher friend

Wouldn't want to get
in the way of

Hoss and his method.

- My method is on
like donkey kong.

- Uh, that door
wasn't locked.

- I know.

- Well, there he is.

Look at him.
Under the bed. Pathetic.

- Hey, guys,
are you gonna hide here, too?

- Kind of.
I need to show you
something, billy.

It won't take
but a second.

- Oh, yeah!
This is so fun!

Sack riding is the best!

You truly are
a good friend.

I don't know what I would have
done without you.

This is one of the best days
I can remember.

And you're the best!

- The reward, man.
Don't forget about
the reward.

[Laughs]
- oh, the sharp rocks tickle.

Is it your turn?

Cool! Another sack!

- Gotcha, little fella.

- How can this day
get any better, I ask you.

Riding in sacks
and growing cool beards.
I tell you.

Holy crud, a pirate!

This day can get better!

- So you've learned
to talk human, have you?

Well, save your pathetic pleas
for the jury.

- Can you say "arrgh"?

- Listen, hoss.
What you have there
isn't a sasquatch.

What you have there
isn't as far up
the evolutionary chain.

- Ha! You sound just like
those attorneys

Who said they were human.

I know what's human
and what isn't, little dog.

- Normally, I'm all for
the abuse and exploitation
of the stupid,

But you can't turn
that creature in for the money.

- Just watch me.

- I call shotgun!

- Listen, that thing
isn't a sasquatch.
It's a boy.

- I've had about enough of
your facts and theories.

Get in my way again,
you fish woman,

And there will be trouble.

- Fish woman?

[Tires screech]

- What now, fish woman?

- Time for some
hair-raising action.

- Well, darling,
your trip is over.

When will you silly, little
sasquatches learn

That the city is for people?

- Wow. Thanks again, mr. Pirate,
for the sack ride.

So what's next?

- What the...
I think I remember you.

You are that willy nilly.

- Listen, hoss.
That creature you have
is a little boy,

And he's with me.

- You are crafty.
I'll give you that.

But if you still
expect me to believe

That this isn't a sasquatch,

You're a dirty, dirty liar.

- Don't make me angry.

You wouldn't like me
when I'm angry.

- And just what are you
gonna do about it, simian?

- This.
Now, grim.

- I warned you, granny.

You ought not to have done that.

Now it's showtime.

What?
What's happening?

I look like me grandmom!

[Making airplane sounds]
- time to go, billy.

- Ooh! Is it your turn to fly

In the magic sack
of wonderment?

Wow, I don't know
what that was for,

But I sure liked it.

Thanks, mom.
You're the best!

- I warned all of you
there was going to be trouble.

Well, now you've got trouble.

Any last one-liners
before I go ape on you?

- Smile for the camera.

- What?

- [Speaking indistinctly]

- Here's your money.

- Aah!

- I'm gonna miss him.

Hey! Another sack!
Can I ride in it?

Can i? Can i? Can i?
Can i? Can i?

- Uh-huh.
- I call shotgun.

You spent the reward money
on a new tv?

Wah! I wanted a baby iguana.

- Today, channel 6 news
has finally captured
the rogue stalker sasquatch,

Who apparently isn't
a happy sasquatch.

It is still unknown
if it's male or female,

But the smell is horrific.

- All's well
that ends well, man.

- Aah! Help me!

- He's gone wild.
Take him down!

- You can always
count on hoss delgado

When things get hairy.

[Screaming]

[Laughing]

- All right, sperg.
That's enough.

Put the human yo-yo down
and get lost.

[Barking]

- So how do you do it, mandy?

How do you stand up to
that big freakhead sperg?

I just gotta know!

- Ok, billy.
Here it is.

- Here? The secret location
where you reveal the source of
your bravery?

- No. I mean here,
as in your house.
See you later.

- No, mandy, wait!
I need to know!

- You want to know?
- Aah!

What the... How the...

- Do you want to know or what?

- Yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah-
yeah-yeah-yeah.

- It's all about nerve, billy.

Either you've got it,
or you don't.

See you later, again.

- Nerve. So that's it.
Boy, I wish I had mandy's nerve.

- Before appearing in
"finger puppet theater,"

This actor drove a talking car.

- Who is the severed head
of mary, queen of scots?

- Who is my grandmother?

- Severed head!
Severed head! Idiot.

- Hi, grim.
I need a favor.

- Oof. Billy, what are you
trying to do?

Scare me to me?

- I want you to
shrink me down tiny small

So I can sneak into mandy's head
and steal her nerve.

[Laughs]

- I'd ask if you were kidding
if I didn't know
how dumb you were.

Now go smash your head
against a wall

And let me watch my show.

- You know, if I were to
steal mandy's nerve,

She wouldn't be able to
push you around ever again.

- Ever again?

- Ever again.

[Laughs]

Are you sure you know
what you're doing, man?

- Of course!
Now, come on.
Let's get moving.

Cannonball!

Aah! Eww! Yech! Eww!
[Indistinct]

Yech! Ooh!
That was close!

I almost fell into one of those
big, slimy,
hole-looking thingies.

Aah!

Aah! Aah!

- What is the hoover dam?
Come on!

- Wow! There it is!
Mandy's raw nerve.

Time to make my move.

- Who were the tuskegee airmen?

Ah, you idiot.
What is lactose intolerant?

- Excuse me, mr. Nerve.

- Yeah, yeah,
just put it down, ok?

And, uh, hey, there better be
an egg roll this time.

- Uh, no.
Mr. Nerve?

- Huh? Who are you?
How'd you get in here?

- Well, my name is...

- Wait, wait.
Don't tell me.

Let me guess.
I'm psychic that way.

Uh, let's see.
Let me think, now.

Uh, let me get
a closer look at you.

Ok, it's coming to me.
It's coming to me.

How about snotface?

- Wow. You are a raw nerve.

- Yeah, well, maybe I am.

Say, what you doing
down here anyway, snotface?

- I'm here to steal you.

[Laughs]
- you wish, snotface.

[Sniffs]

What's that
you got there, snotface?

- A tasty, delicious egg roll.

[Gulps]

It's been in my pocket.
It's nice and warm.

[Gulps]
- chicken or shrimp?

- Combo.
- Sweet thighs of
apollo, snotface.

I'll do anything you want.

- I thought so.

- Ow!
What's going on?
Who's there?

- Well, hello, mandy.
You look surprised.

Well, I've got
an even bigger surprise.

You're never gonna
boss me around again.

[Laughs]

- Uh, a little help here, grim.

- Uh, my bad.

- Behold, mandy.
Your raw nerve.

- Hey, you got any potstickers?
Whoa.

Ooh!

[Gulps]
- ahh.

- Billy, it worked.
It worked!

Now, what do you say
we take mandy and...

- Pipe down,
you walking wind chime.

You talk when
I tell you to talk.
You follow?

- I follow.

- Good.

Now put that can opener to use
and get us out of here.

- Uh, as you wish.

- Aah!

- Aah!

This is insane.
I can't go on like this.

I got to get my nerve back.
But how?

Aah!

Please, grim.
Listen to me.

You've got to help me
get my nerve
back inside my head.

- Now, why should I do that?

- Grim, can you honestly say
you're much happier

Having billy boss you around
than me?

- Well... [Laughs]

- Don't look at me!
Don't you look at me!

[Laughs]
deeper!
Dig deeper, you pig!

[Laughs]

Ooh-ooh-ooh. Yeah.
Oh, yeah.

That's it.
That's it.

Fore!
[Laughs]

- You have a point, child.

- Sperg, I gots a bone
to pick with you.

- Well, if it isn't old... Wha...
- Ow!

- There's gonna be some
changes around here, sperg,

And as soon as you're done
losing your fudge,

I'm gonna make the first one.

- Come on, grim.
Now's our chance.

Grim, hurry!

- Oh, I hope this works, child.

- It has to work.

[Inhales]

- Aah!

Oh, my gosh.
It's true.

The inside of billy's head
is terrifyingly stark and empty.

Let's hope that makes it easier
to find my nerve.

[Ah-choo]

[Ah-choo]

[Sniffling]

[Ah-choo, ah-choo]
billy's brain.

It's got to know where
the raw nerve is.
[Blowing]

Uh, pardon me, billy's brain?

- Please, don't hurt me.

- I was just wondering if
you could help me find
the raw nerve.

- The raw nerve.
Oh, yeah.

Ever since that guy moved in,

This place has gone to heck
in a hamster bowl.

I... I'm telling you.
It's gone crazy in here.

It's party, party, party.
One party after another.

It's wearing me out.
[Blowing]

I'll tell you where he is,
as long as you promise

To take that crazy man with you.
Deal?

- Deal.

[Dance music playing]

[Music stops]

- Hey! What the heck
in a hamster bowl is going on?

- Uh, yeah.
Uh, me.

I'm what's going on,
and, uh, i, uh...

- Out with it, sweetheart.
You're bringing down the room.

- Uh, I was just wondering if
you wouldn't mind,

Uh, hmm, getting back inside
my head?

- Yeah, sure.
No problem.
Let me get my tapes.

- Wow. That was easy.

- What are you? Nuts?
I'm not going anywhere.

I'm having the time of my life
in this airplane hangar

Your snotface friend
calls a skull,

And you want to know
something else?
You're nothing without me.

So why don't you get
your nerveless, wide-eyed butt
outta here!

Yeah, that's it.
That's it, wide eyes.

Go back to your skinny sidekick
and your snotface friend

And keep out of my life!

[Inaudible]

What are you still doing here,
wide eyes?

Uh-oh.

- Now, you listen up, pal.

You're not what makes me mandy.

I don't need some pompous polyp

To make me dark, foreboding,
and charmingly cynical.

[Sucking]

I am what makes me mandy.
You got that?

[Sucking]
[pop]

- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But what are you
gonna do with me?

- Aah!

- Mandy?

- Look, billy.
I got my nerve back.

You can go back to being
your spineless, wimpy self.

[Growling]

[Shrieking]
can you walk a little smoother?
Ouch! Burn!

- I'm sure gonna miss
old snotface.

- What are you waiting for?
Hit the road.

- But i... I...
I got nowhere else to go.

[Sobbing]

- Beat it, pal,

And don't let me ever catch you
in endsville again,

Or else!

- Did I mention I do catering?

- Scram.

- Don't you think you're being

A little hard on
the tiny fellow?

- Grim, are you saying
you'd rather have billy
as a best friend forever

Instead of sweet, lovable me?

Grim, you're not answering me.

Grim, why aren't you
answering me?

- I don't have the nerve, child.

- That's not funny, grim.

[Indistinct speech]