03x05 - Wild Parts/The Problem with Billy

[bunniefuu]

- [Evil laughter]

- Oh! I do! I do!

- [Snoring]

- Oh, now what?

Ahh.

- [Snoring]

- Too big!

Too small!

Dag nabbit! Another stuffed one!

[Alarm clock ringing]

- Rise and shine!

Time for my first smell
of the day.

[Sniffing]

[Slurp]

Hey! I can't smell nothing!

Ugh. Food doesn't taste as good
when you can't smell.

- No, the food doesn't
taste good because of that.

- [Sniffling]

- Ahchoo!

- [Snorting]

- It's probably just the flu.

Or maybe too much nose picking.

You mortals are always
picking your noses:

In your car, at the mall,

In your car, at school,

In your car, on the dance floor,

In your car... - Hey! That's me!

- I doubt that's the problem.

I sense something
much more sinister.

Let's set up a stakeout.

- I already tried that,

But the swelling
didn't go down much.

- You will be our decoy.

While you sleep tonight,

Grim and I will find out
where the noses are going.

- Why do I have to sleep?

- Because of the 3 of us,
you have the nose.

- Oh, I knows that.

But what if I can't sleep?

- You will. Right, grim?

- Sleeping spells.
Sleeping spells.

- I'm beautiful. I'm beautiful.

I'm beautiful. I'm beautiful.
I'm beautiful. I'm beautiful.

- Just do it now.

- I'm beautiful. I'm beautiful.
I'm beautiful...

- Why can't I lurk
in the bushes, too?

- Because I said so.

Finally, a use for my mother's
fake speaker rock.

- But, but...
- [Click]

- [Indistinct sounds]

- I thought I turned
the volume off.

- That sound isn't me, mandy.

Look! It's going towards
billy's bedroom.

- Can't a guy get some sleep
around here?

Oh, it's you.

- [Bump, scream]

- What is that?

- It's billy's nose.

- [Screaming]

- Oh, I'd be delighted

If a lingering smell
decided to leave me,

But I guess it's different
if you're a nose.

Billy!

- Hey, grim.

- Come on, billy.
We need to follow your nose.

- Aye, aye, cap'n.

Better-looking every day.

A shimmy one, a shimmy two,

A shim for me, a shim for you.

- Hurry up. It's getting away.

- What in the blazes
is going on?

- [Cheering]

- Hey, my nose is going to...
- The mall?!

- The noses are going
behind the perfume counter, man.

- Free sample.

Free sample. Free sample.
Free sample.

- Vivian! What is
the meaning of this?

Who are these people?

- Free sample!

No!

[Short-circuiting]

- [Evil laughing]

- I believe this is
a nasalmancer, man,

A lesser-known wizard
that deals with nose magic.

I had almost forgotten
about them.

It's not a very popular school
of wizardry for some reason.

- How can you be sure
he's a nasalmancer?

- Well, explain yourselves.

- Where's my nose?

- Ooh! I only wish I knew.

Surely such a large head
must have produced

A large and supple proboscis.

- Oh, thank you.

Oh, there it is!

Come on! I'll introduce you!

- Oh, good grief.

- Slow down, son.

- Oh, yeah!

It truly is a beaut,
just like I thought.

Spacious, too.

- Hey, now! Get yo fo' shizzle
out of my nizzle, dawg.

I don't see you doing that
to your nose.

- No, you don't.

And that's because...
That's because...

I don't have a nose of my own!

[Sobbing]

Oh, I'm so sorry!

You... You just have
no idea how hard it is

To be a nose wizard
with no nose.

- [Laughter]

Chump!

- Uh... Right.

Well, you see, I used to take
such delight in my work.

By night, I would create lovely
perfumes from essential oils.

[Snorting]

And by day,
I would share my essence

With all the lovely ladies
at the endsville mall.

- Ugh. Now I know who to blame
for my grandmother's smell.

- Then one day,
business was rather slow.

I think crunchy cream

Was having a two-for-one
sale or something.

Anyway, I was just passing
my time at the perfume counter,

Maintaining my nose,

When I spied a particularly
offensive blouse passing me by.

And that was it.

My nose was gone.

Nose!

- You see? I told you
nose picking is bad.

- So, I deviated in septum-ber.

I couldn't stand watching
all the gorgeous ripe noses

Pass me by
day after day after day.

And so I grew melancholy...
For, like, half a second.

[Evil laughter]

If I couldn't have a nose,

Then nobody could
have a nose, you know?

I just needed to create the most
attractive scent in the world.

A little chamomile, lavender,
and of course doodoo butter

Into my old kazoo, and I had it.

[Laughing]

You see, a nasalmancer's nose
is his loyal servant,

And I'm afraid
I've fallen in love with yours.

- Thibbit!

- Aah! Aah!

Aah! Aah!

- Give him his nose back.

- Never!

You can have
all the other noses.

This one's off the market!

- Follow that nose, man.

- [Laughing]

- [Snorting]

- Gross.

- Delicious!

What are you doing?

- Think about it.
When somebody loses something,

It usually ends up
in their other pair of pants.

Found 'em.

- Aah! Aah!
Get it off! Get if off!

It feels so unnatural!

- [Laughing]

- You guys are pathetic.

This is why I don't
have one of these.

It's disgusting.

- Oh, the poor thing
is terrified.

I'll keep you safe.

[Electronic beeping
and pinging]

- Free!

- Hold it right there.
How much is two plus two?

Jump on
while they're confused.

- To the nasalmancer.

- [Groaning]

- Give me the nose.

- [Evil laughter]

You'll never catch me.

- Oh, yes, we will.

If there's one thing
billy's nose can't resist,

It's the smell of billy's feet.

- [Sniffing]

Home.

- Oh, you blew my nose up!

- You blew my nose up.

- Oh, I did not, silly.
That nose was a decoy.

I had the real nose
in my pocket the whole time.

Ha ha hoo!

- [Gibberish]

- But, sir,
ours was a decoy, too.

I've got your real nose
right here.

- Oh! My beautiful nose!

Oh, it's been so long.

You know, you really do
look great.

I'm so excited to see you.
I'm so sorry I left you.

Give me a kiss.
Give me kisses. Kisses.

[Lips smacking]

- Uh, me, too. Trade?

- What? Oh, yes, of course.

Ok, now hand it over.

- Got your nose.

- No! You tricked me!

- Thanks for getting
my nose back, mandy,

But that was mean.

- You dummy, that guy was gonna
keep your nose forever.

- Yes, but now I know what it
feels like to not have a nose.

It is awful. So now,
I'm gonna make things right.

Half for you... And half for me.

- Oh, that's
my favorite nostril.

Thank you, billy!

- S'not a problem.

- I get it!

[Laughing]

- S'not!

- Now, billy, I want you
to keep your tuxedo

Sparkling clean
today at the wedding.

You got that?

Neat, sweet, tidy, and trim.

Spick-and-span.

[Whirring]

There. All finished.

Why, don't you look precious?

Turn around so mommy can get
a good clean look at you.

- I'm tuxedo man!

Ha ha ha!

- Yes,
yes. You're tuxe... Tuxedo man?

[Growling]

No!

No, billy. No tuxedo man.

Remember last time.

- [Gibberish]

[Shattering]

Tuxedo man!

[Groaning]

Tuxedo man.

- So, no tuxedo man, ok?

- Tuxedo man!

Tuxedo man!

- Hee hee hee!

Oh, yeah. Kids.

- [Gibberish]

[Laughing]

Ahh!

[Insects cheering]

Yeehhh!

Grim! Just the guy
I wanted to see.

- Wait. Let me guess.

You got your tuxedo muddy again,

And now you want me to clean
you up with my magic scythe.

- Wow. How'd you know?

- 'Cause it's the fourth time
you've asked me today.

- Fifth, actually.

- Yeah. You know, mandy,

I've seen a lot of crazy things
in this universe,

But if there's one thing
I don't understand, it's billy.

- What's there to understand?

He's an idiot.

- Come on, grim.
Clean me with the scythe.

I gots a wedding to goes to.

- The idiot part I get, mandy.

But, you know,
what makes him tick?

There must be some reason
for this problem with billy.

- Sorry, kids.
Billy can't play right now.

Mom says it's time to go,

And when you gotta go,
you gotta go.

- Maybe you can help me, harold.

What makes billy so stupid?

- Oh, pshaw!

Billy's not stupid.
He's a genius.

- Uh, not now, dad.

We're kind of in the middle
of something here.

- That's right, and I got

This certified genius
diploma to prove it.

- Diploma? Billy is a genius?

- Why, sure.
When billy was born,

We knew we had someone
real special.

I remember it like it was
something I'll never forget.

- Your baby, ma'am.

- Aww!

- Now billy was someone
clearly ahead of his time,

And brother, it didn't take long
for me to figure that out.

How 'bout a smile
for your new dad?

- [Rumbling]

[Fart]

- He did it!

This kid's a genius!

- Oh, it's just
a gas bubble, harry.

- I know a genius
when I see one, gladys.

- [Rumbling]

[Fart]

- His first steps!

- It's gas!

- It's genius.

- [Farting, burp]

- His first word,
and only 2 1/2 minutes old!

That's what I call genius!

- Hello! Excuse me.
I'm covered in mud!

Going to a wedding!
Get busy with the scythe.

- In a minute. Can't you see
we're talking here?

Please continue, harold.

- Thank you, grim.

Then, of course, there were
the genius competitions...

Grueling months of touring:

On the road,

Participating in every
genius showdown in the world...

Taking on the best of the best.

Hi, d*ck.

- Hi, harry.

- [Burping]

- [Burping]

- They'd spar
in fantastic coliseums

Especially designed
for such tournaments.

And the tests, well,

A rigorous intellectual
decathlon like no other.

- [Men talking baby talk]

- [Baby talk]

- But no matter
how tough the challenge,

Billy always had
something inside him

That made him a winner!

- [Farting]

- It was in that moment
I realized

That billy was invincible...

Simply the greatest child genius
ever known to mankind!

And when his moment
of victory came...

He would always be a good sport
and share his trophy...

With the losers!

And this went on
city to city,

State to state,
country to country.

Billy had become the supreme
genius champion of the universe!

And when he received
his honorary genius degree,

It was the proudest day
of my life.

Smile!

- An honorary degree.

Astounding. I had no idea.

Billy, I'm afraid
I misjudged you.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah. Whatever.

Less talky, more changy.

- For once, I agree with billy.

Besides, you don't actually
believe that genius junk.

- Junk? You mean that...

What kind of chucklehead
would lie about...

- And that's
when billy met mandy.

[Buzzing]

Now, mandy knew a genius
when she saw one.

- Are you some kind of idiot?

- [Giggling]

[Flushing sound]

- I'll take that as a "yes."

- His brilliant powers
of observation

Astounded her from the start.

- [Growling]

- Say, you ain't got no nose.

- So?

- That's better.

- It was that moment
that would set the tone

For the rest
of their friendship.

- Creep.

- [Giggling]

She digs me.

- And that's how it happened.

Ha ha ha ha ha!

[Rumbling]

[Farting]

[Laughing]

Ah! I sure hope
our little talk

Has helped you
understand billy better.

- Yes, and I think I know
what the problem is with billy.

- Yeah?
- Yeah. You!

You are the problem with billy!

You're where he gets it.

It's a wonder the boy
can even tie his shoes.

- He can't!

But look at the bright side.

- What bright side?

- Yeah. What could possibly
be bright about this?

- I have no idea.

Let's ask billy.
He's the genius.

- That's it! I don't need
your stupid scythe!

Mom will clean me up!
Humph!

- Jeez. What's his problem?

- [Growling]

[Whirring]

- There. Spick-and-span,
neat and sweet, tidy and trim.

And no more tuxedo man!

Right, billy? Billy?

- [Gibberish]

[Glass shattering]

- Ha ha ha ha!

- Tuxedo man!

- [Gibberish]

Kids.

- Ha ha ha ha!

Women.

- Ugh. Parents.

- [Laughing]

Mud.

- Mortals.

[Growling]

- [Farting and laughing]

[Dance music playing]

- [Farting]

[Laughing]

- That fruit's a genius!