03x07 - Dream Mutt/Scythe for Sale

[bunniefuu]

♪♪

[Laughing]

- This statement is false.

- Please!

- The answer is no, billy.

Owning a dog is a great
responsibility.

- But they're free!

[Barking]

And cute!

Besides,

You know it's always
been my life's dream

To have 4 dogs!

- Face the facts, billy,

You and pets just don't mix.

- Duh huh huh huh huh!

- Yeah!

Remember what
happened last time?

- Eat all your vegetables,

Then you can have some water.

[Gasping]

- Yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

But this time, it's different.

- In that case,
uh... The answer is yes.

But you can only pick one dog.

- Aw!

But I wanted... [Screams]

All 4.

- Just pick your victim,
and let's go.

- Hold up, mandy!

I just can't pick any mutt.

I've gotta pick...
My dream mutt!

- One boy, 4 dogs!

But only one dog gets the boy.

The others...

Which dog will the boy choose?

Will it be petunia...

That pampered poodle
who lived high on the hog

Until one thanksgiving...
[All gasping]

That's when we found
her in a dumpster

Behind the flab-burger
begging for more.

Or, perhaps it'll be daisy,

That purebred puppy
that just didn't sell.

Maybe it's 'cause of
her foul disposition.

[Snarls]

Or dipsy doodles,

Who's taken to the streets...

A place she just
doesn't seem to get.

[Honks horn]

Or does she?

Now, that's what
I call doggy style!

And finally, trigger,

Whose been-there,
done-that attitude

Has got the bad boys
clamoring at her doorstep.

All that on tonight's
special edition of "dream mutt,"

The reality show that bites!

- So, which dog
is it gonna be, dork?

[Stammering]

- I don't know, guys.

It seems my dream mutt
has certain qualities

Of each one.

- Uh, that means we'd have to

Magically combine
all 4 dogs into one!

But how are we gonna do that?

- Ugh! Huh?

- Grim! Ahem!

- Fine!

I'll do it.

- Attaboy.

- Thanks, grim.

- Shut up and hold still.

- So, where's my dream mutt?

- Over there.

[Gasps]

- Was that trip
really necessary?

[Laugh track]

- Uh... You hear that?

- Yeah.

Where'd all that creepy
laughter come from?

[Laughter stops]

- Don't you get it, mandy?!

He's funny,
and he's my dream mutt.

And, and, and, and, and, and...

- Oh, here we go.

- You're just jealous!

Oh, oh! Come to papi!

- Hey, hey, hey!

I'm on my way!

Which one of you is ugly?

Oop!

I mean, billy?

[Laugh track]

- He is.

- Ha ha ha ha ha! You auggie!

- Now, that is ugly.

[Laugh track]

[Laughing stops]

Well, ugly,

My name is sir william wexell
wingding whizzlebang the third,

But my friends call me
wiggy gee jed.

[Laugh track]

You are my friend,
aren't you, son?

- Oh, yes,
mr. Wiggy jiggy jed, sir.

- Well, what are
you waiting for,

Santy claus?!

Come on, ugly.

- Thanks for the dog, dad!

- No problemo, son.

- Hey! What about me?!

- What about you, grim?

[Sniffles]

- Aw.

I just know they'll
be best friends forever.

- I give it one day.

- One boy!

Has he found his dream mutt?

Or will it only last one day?

Find out on tonight's edition
of "dream mutt, part two,"

After the finals election.

And to start our show,

{\An7}we have mandy with
her forecast of doom.

{\An7}- yeah, it's always
the same story with billy.

Him and his new pet
are inseparable.

[Both laughing inanely]

Having the time of
their pathetic lives.

- You're my best friend!
- You're my best friend!

- You're my best friend!
- You're my best friend!

- Like two pigs in mud.

- You're my best friend!
- You're my best friend!

- A truly nauseating sight.

[Both laughing]

[Retches]

- That's disgusting!
- That's disgusting!

- Then things always go wrong.

Horribly, horribly,
horribly wrong.

- This is your new home,
wiggy jiggy jed!

Come on! I'll give you a tour.

Kitchen... Bathroom...
Living room... Den.

[Squawk]

Oh, yeah. Hee hee hee!

We don't have a den.

Oh, yeah! And the basement...

Where grim keeps his
crazy chest of ultimate power!

Yep. Anything your
heart desires.

- Anything?

- Anything.

- Anything!

- And this is my bedroom.

Pretty nice bed, eh, jed?

- Well... It's been a long day.

And it's time to hit the hay.

So, b*mb's away!

- No!

Bad dog!

This is my bed!

You're a filthy animal,

And mom says
filthy animals

Sleep outside in
the filthy doghouse.

- Sorry, king tut,

But this mutt don't
sleep in no hut.

So, you can just kiss
my candy-stripped...

- Ew!
And another thing,

Stop that rhyming junk, too.

It's giving me a headache.

Yeah.

And knock off that
corny walk cycle music.

People are trying to sleep.

- That, sir,
is where I draw the line!

- Yeah, yeah.

You can draw lines
on your own time.

[Grunting]

You're my best friend!

[Laughing]

- If jed don't get a bed,

He gets red in the head.

{\An7}- yeah, well, I disagree
with mandy's forecast of doom.

{\An7}i still say they'll be
best friends forever

'Cause when it comes
to matters of the heart,

Billy is...
- Doomed.

- Yeah, you're right.

- Now, get down.

[Sighs]

- Well, I gotta go drop a deuce.

Aw, crud!

[Snoring]

- Yeah, wiggy jiggy jed
is my dream dog.

He's my best friend ever.
I'll never let him go.

[Snores]

But if that filthy mutt ever
tries to sleep in my bed again,

I'll spank him with turkey leg.

[Snores]

Yeah, I got a limousine.

[Snoring]

- I said,
if jed don't get no bed,

He gets red in the head.

And one heck of an appetite.

[Laugh track]

I'll think I'll just find my way

To the grocery type kitchen.

On second thought...

Anything I desire don't
sound too shabby neither.

[Snoring]

[Drill whirring]

[Motor running]

- Sounds like someone's
messing with grim's trunk.

I better go check it out.

No, jiggy!

Wiggy jiggy jed!

- Hello, ugly.

- Whatcha doing?

- I'm building a handy, dandy

Doomsday type device...

Engineered for complete
and total global domination...

Of beds.

With it, I'll steal every bed

In every bedroom in every city...

Including futon,
trundle, and bunk...

So I can sleep like a king

In a different bed every night
for the rest of my life!

That's right... My
mattresses free!

Oh, you're k*lling me, ugly.

- Wow.

All this 'cause I wouldn't
let you sleep in my bed?

- Yep.

[Laugh track]

- Oh.

Mandy!

Mandy!

Help!

Jiggy jed's gone
berserko, freako, and...

- Yeah, we're way ahead
of you, dorkwhiz.

Grim?

- Right.

- Give him this.

[Sniffs]

- Gelatin?

- No, billy!

That's not gelatin!

[Mumbling]

- It ain't?

- It's primordial ooze.

It'll fix everything.

- Thanks, dad!

- No problemo, son!

- Hey! What about me?!

- What about you?

[Screaming]

- This sure beats
a midnight snack,

Eh, jack?

[Laugh track]

- Hey, wiggy jiggy jed?

- Yeah?

- Present for ya.

[Laugh track]

Tee hee hee hee!

- And you saw it all here
on "dream mutt two."

- Yeah, jiggy was a great dog,

And I'm sorry it didn't
work out and all,

But he's, you know,
not dream mutt material,

What, with his evil plans
to take over the world and all.

We just don't have
enough common goals,

Not on the same page.

Mmm!

I did get this really
cool hat, though.

- Hey, boys and girls,
feeling bored?

- Yeah!

- Nothing to do?

- Uh-huh.

- Feel like bashing your head in

With a marsupial just to
relieve the boredom?

- Get to the point,
announcer guy!

- Then check this out!

Introducing the amazing
sea critters,

The best pets you'll ever own!

Drop them in water,

And instantly, they multiply!

Now, pay attention, kids,

'Cause here's how you order
the amazing sea critters!

- How? How? How? How? How?!

I want! I want! I want!

- Just send 49.95... To me!

At my house.

So, act fast!

- I'll be your bestest friend!

- I must have those
sea critters!

But I don't gots no money.

- You could have a yard sale!

- Hey.

I could have a yard sale!

- Ha ha ha ha!

What an idiot.

- What the heck is going on...

There better be a good reason

I just got hit
with a watermelon.

- I'm making sammiches
for my yard sale!

- I don't even want to
know what this is about.

- Want to try one, grim?

- I guess if it kills me,

I won't have to deal
with you any more.

Billy... Whash you
make dish wiff?

Thish ish hard as a rock.

- From the expired moldy stuff
in the back of the fridge!

- Ethcuse me while I go
thand down me teeth.

- All right, billy,
what's going on?

- I'm trying to sell
some useless junk

I found around the house so
I can I buy me sea critters!

- How do you expect
to make any money

If you have no customers?

- Duh.

Oh, please, mandy,
buy something from me!

I know!

How 'bout a pair
of my underwear?

[Sniffing]

Slightly used.

- Those aren't yours.

[Sniffing]

- Oh, yeah!

Those were my grandpa's.

- Hi, mandy.

Want to ride in my wagon?

- Erwin, can't you see I'm
extremely busy right now?

- Oh. Ok.

- Later, dweebs.

- Want to buy something
at my yard sale, erwin?

- Not really.

- Come on!

- I said no.

- Come on, come on, come on,
come on, come on, come on,

Come on, come on, come on, come
on, come on, come on, come on,

Come on, come on, come on, come
on, come on, come on,

Come on, come on, come on,
come on, come on, come on!

- All right, I'll buy something!

How much are those golf clubs?

- Uh, I don't know.

Makes me an offer.

- A dollar.

- Nope.
- 50 Cents.

- Can't do it.

- A quarter.
- You wish!

- Nickel!
- Yo momma!

- Two cents!
- Getting warmer!

- A smashed amusement
park penny I found!

- Sold!

Pleasure doing
business with you...

Sucker.

- Hey, billy,
have you seen me scythe?

- I just sold it to erwin

For a crummy smashed
amusement park penny.

- You what?!

- I just sold it to irwin!

- Do you realize what can happen

If me scythe gets
into the wrong hands?

- I sure do!

I mean, no.

- It could cause mass
destruction and chaos,

Creating an imbalance
in the universe,

And bringing about the end
of time as we know it.

- You make funny faces
when you're angry.

- Why doesn't mandy like me?

[Glass breaks]

What do I have to do to
make the woman notice me?

Oh.

[Man screams]

If only there was a way
to be instantly cooler

Without really trying.

- That wasn't a bad
drive... For a guy.

- Well,
for a chick... [Screaming]

- Aagh!

[Snarling]

- Billy must have
sold me grim's scythe!

[Laughing]

With its power,
I can make mandy like me.

[Laughing]

- Uh, yeah, but you're
still a dork!

- Oh.

- So, now what?

How the heck are we
going to find irwin?

- I don't know.

But a 4-eyed geek
wielding a weapon

With unnatural
destructive nerd power

Shouldn't be that hard to find.

- Here, scythy, scythy, scythy!

Here, scythy!

You're not little scythy!

- Get out of my house!

- What the heck?!

- Look, mandy!

[Screaming]

- There's something you
don't see every day.

- It's got to be
my scythe at work.

We've got to stop that kid.

- You see, kids,

Playing with scythes
isn't cool or fun.

- It's dangerous!

- So, if you should
ever find a scythe,

Don't pick it up.

- Tell an adult immediately!

- He's around here somewhere.

I can feel it.

- Uh, grim?

- Not right now, billy.

Grim's trying to think.

- But, grim...
- Look!

Don't make me have to lock
you in the cellar again, boy.

- Hi, girls.

Looking for me?

- You, stupid boy,
give me back me scythe!

- And give up
the only opportunity

I'll ever have to be cool?

Uh... No!

- Yay!

Mmm!

Slimy!

- Billy, get off of me!

- Want to go for
a ride now, mandy?

- I'll never go with you,
geek-face.

- Oh! I want to go!
I want to go!

- Sorry, billy, but
this seat is reserved

For only one person!

[Groaning]

Now, mandy, come to me!

- No, mandy, don't do it!

- He's just so dreamy!

- Hold on, mandy!

I'm coming to save you!

[Grunting]

- Yay! Yay! Yay!

- Get off of me, billy!

- Finally we can be together.

I've dreamt about this
moment for oh so long.

It couldn't be any more perfect!

- You're still a dork, buddy!

- Oh.

Let's just go.

This isn't over, boy.

You better believe
I'm coming for me scythe.

- Yee-haw!

Yow!

- For the last time,
get off of me!

- Isn't this romantic, mandy?

There's something I've been
wanting to tell you

For quite some time now.

I'm so excited, I feel like
my heart's about to burst.

Mandy,
I think i... I l-l-l... [Gurgling]

- Dork!

- Oh, mandy,

Our time together has
meant so much to me.

I picked this flower
for you as a...

- Excuse me, sir,

Would you happen
to have the time?

- Look, I'm kind of
getting my groove on,

If you know what I'm saying.

- My! What a nice-looking
scythe you have today.

Where did you get it?

- I stole it from
the grim reaper, all right?

Now, if you don't mind,
i... Wait a second.

You look familiar.

Do I know you from somewhere?

- You sure don't, irwin.

- Oh, ok.

Billy!

- Mandy!

Snap out of it!

Irwin's using my scythe
to control you.

You gotta fight it.

[Groaning]

- Grim, is that you?

- Yes, mandy, it's me!

- Oh, no you don't!

- What the heck is going on?

Irwin is my boyfriend.

- No!

- You're gonna pay
for that, grim!

- Hey, barf-face,

Bet you can't zap me
with your stupid scythe!

- You asked for it!

- Nope. Missed me.

Try again! Uh-uh!

You got nothing!

- Rrarrr!

You're gonna get it, billy

What the...
Who did that?

- Incoming!

- Ha!

Is that all you got?

- Darn.

We need something
harder than rocks.

- I got it!

- Ow!

Oof!

- Mine!

- Get a room.

- Mandy, you're back to normal.

- Mandy?

- You know, irwin,

The thing about crushes is

They always hurt in the end.

That's why they're
called crushes.

- So, billy,

How do you like your
new sea critter?

- Not very much.

He doesn't look very happy.

- Billy, get me out of here.

I'm sorry.

- Oh, I know!

I'll add a friend!

That should do it.

Look! He's made
a friend already!

- Uh, hi.

[Snarls]

- What a dork.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha!