02x13 - Vanity Hare

[bunniefuu]

[quirky music playing]

I can't believe it.
How could I get a C on the test?

I almost always get A's,
and I studied hard for this one too.

[meows]

Well, I did study, just not very much.

I thought I was smart enough
that I didn't need to really study.

I mean, I must be smart.

Look what I can do.

[theme music playing]

♪ Hold on to your seat
Let's go for a ride ♪

♪ Now that we're here
On the other side ♪

♪ Use your imagination
And you'll understand ♪

♪ It's an adventure in Wonderland ♪

♪ Every day is something new ♪

♪ With music, rhyme and a dance or two ♪

♪ It's a curious place
With a wonderful crew ♪

♪ And you're never quite sure
What they will do ♪

♪ Use your imagination
You'll understand ♪

♪ It's an adventure in Wonderland ♪

♪ Adventure in Wonderland ♪

♪ Adventure in Wonderland ♪

-Okay, Hare, we gotta keep an open mind!
-Okay. All right. Whoa!

-Whoa!
-It's tricky.

-Here it goes the other way.
-Okay. All right.

-Okay, going this way now.
-This way.

Okay. Here we go in--

Hi, Mr. Hatter, Mr. Hare.

Where are you heading?

According to my compass,
we're headed north.

Which should take us to the palace.

The queen asked us to bring goodies
from the Wonderland Bakery.

Oh, you mean, like doughnuts?

That's right. Doughnuts, maple bars
and, of course, synonym rolls.

What's so funny about synonym rolls?

I think you mean cinnamon rolls,
don't you?

Why would I call these cinnamon rolls
when they are actually synonym rolls?

Synonym rolls are our favorites.

Flaky golden crust,
a pinch of powdered sugar

and, of course,
a pair of synonyms inside each one.

Synonyms being words

-that mean the same thing.
-Right.

Let's see. In this one, I got...

Let me check it here. Here we go.
[laughs] Oh!

Delicious and tasty.
Two great synonyms if I ever ate them.

I've got quiet and silent.
What did you get, Alice?

Um, let's see.

Exciting and boring.

Hey, my words aren't synonyms.
They mean the opposite of each other.

That's right. Those are antonyms.
Boy, it's that new guy at the bakery.

He better check his recipe before he tries
to bake any more synonym rolls.

I'll say. Oh, the compass, Hare.

-Oh, okay.
-Run along!

[chattering]

-Whoa!
-Whoa!

Stop it!

How can I finish my crossword puzzle
if you're breathing down my neck?

I'm sorry, Your Majesty.
I'm terribly sorry. I...

-I'll just stand over here.
-Oh!

[whistles]

-[Hatter] Here we go.
-[Hare] Wait!

Hi, Your Majesty.

We brought treats
from the Wonderland bakery.

Mmm. That sounds good,
but not until I'm done with my puzzle.

Wait quietly until I'm finished.

Now, third to last clue.

Those synonym rolls sure were tasty.

A nine-letter word meaning very good.

-I'll say they were excellent.
-Excellent.

That's the word I needed. Thank you, Hare.

Ah. Second to last clue

A nine-letter word
for something tasty and orange.

Any jelly doughnuts in here?

-A couple are filled with marmalade.
-Marmalade.

Oh, that's it. Good thinking, Hare.

Rabbit, why didn't you know that?

Last clue. An eight-letter word

-meaning puzzled.
-Why does the queen keep thanking me?

I'm afraid I'm a little confused.

Confused.
That's the last word in my puzzle.

Hare, you're brilliant.

In fact, I had no idea
you were so knowledgeable.

-Neither did I.
-Oh.

I must do something
to honor your intelligence.

Rabbit, bring me the box of royal awards.

Your Majesty, are you really
going to give Mr. Hare an award?

Please, Your Majesty,
I don't really deserve it.

Oh, nonsense.

Someone as smart as you doesn't come
around every day of the week.

She's right, Hare, you do only visit
the palace on Tuesdays and Fridays.

[indistinct chatter]

Let's see, let's see, let's see.

The big cheese trophy.

Oh!

The top banana award.

The goody-two-shoes ribbon.

Ah! Here we go, here we go.

The royal smarty-pants medal.

Hare, step forward.

[fanfare playing]

-Ow.
-Ooh!

Sorry.

For intelligence,

brains, knowing your synonyms,
and all around good thinking,

I hereby declare you a smarty-pants.

Oh! Oh, I'm gonna cry.

[rock music playing]

♪ You didn't earn this award by chance ♪

♪ You proved to us all
You're a smarty-pants ♪

♪ I can tell with a glance
How much schooling you retained ♪

♪ To be a smarty-pants
You've got to use your brain ♪

♪ You won't get a medal
For staying in bed ♪

♪ My award is just for people
Who are using their heads ♪

♪ Be smart, do your part ♪

♪ You might be a smarty-pants ♪

♪ Your body will complain
If you're using your brain ♪

♪ Don't be on the blink
Just be ready to think ♪

♪ You won't get a medal
For staying in bed ♪

♪ My award is just for people
Who are using their heads ♪

♪ Be smart, do your part ♪

♪ You might be a smarty-pants ♪

♪ Be smart, do your part ♪

♪ To prove that you're a smarty-pants ♪

♪ A smarty-pants! ♪

And here I am at the cat food factory.
And here I am sailing on my catamaran.

And... Oh, here I am on the catnip farm.

How many more vacation pictures
do you have, Cat?

How come if they're from your vacation,
you're not in any of them?

Oh, I'm in all the pictures.
You just can't see me.

-Oh, vacation slides. My favorite.
-Mind if we watch the show too?

Sure. I'll start over at the beginning.

If you're smart, you'll keep walking.

Well, Hare's smart, and he has
the smarty-pants medal to prove it.

You? A smarty-pants?
Ha-ha-ha! That's a laugh.

-[cackling]
-Just a doggone minute, Cat.

We have one intelligent hare here.
Go ahead. Ask him something.

Okay, okay.

Here's a picture I took
on my visit to the catnip farm.

Tell me, what kind of a chicken is that?

Since you asked, it's a Rhode Island Red.

Indeed, the Rhode Island Red
is my favorite of all barnyard birds.

With their delicate reddish color,
their stately beaks,

and their intelligent expressions,

they are truly
the most dignified of all poultry.

Wow, you really do know your chickens.

Wow, what a lucky guess.

It's no big deal.

Chickens just happen to be
a hobby of mine.

In fact, I'm a lifetime member
of the Other Chicken Club.

See? My membership card.

Hare, stop being shy. Face it.
You are a genius.

Your knowledge of chickens alone

shows you have more intelligence
in your little finger

than most people have in both hands.

Gee, I never thought of it like that.

Maybe I do deserve the smarty-pants medal.

-Yeah.
-But I just have one question

-What's that?
-Which little finger

do you think has the intelligence?
The left or the right?

-Hm. Difficult to tell.
-I was never good with digits.

"Have a question?"

"Need advice?"

"Hare will help you. For a price."

What in the world--?
[stammering] Oh, I say...

"Intelligent Answers from a Hare Brain."

Hare, what are you doing?

I'm sorry, Rabbit.

But if you want that question answered,
you'll have to wait your turn.

Next? Number 12. Number--

Settle an argument for us.

I say the tomato is a fruit.
He says it's a vegetable.

Of course it's a vegetable.

You don't eat tomato pie, tomato jelly,
or tomato-filled fruit bars.

Well, let's see what my big book of stuff
you can eat has to say about this.

[muttering]

A-ha!

The tomato is a fruit.

-Told you.
-Fine.

-Tomato popsicles would taste terrible.
-Thanks for the smart answer, Hare.

Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

All he did was look up the answer
in this book. What's so smart about that?

He was smart enough
to know which book to use.

Sharp as a tack, smart as a whip,
that's me.

I don't mean to brag,
but like the sign says,

I'm a real "Hare brain."

[pop music playing]

♪ I'm a real hare brain
Clever, witty, on the ball ♪

♪ Not to toot my own horn
But I'm a know-it-all ♪

♪ The smartest of the smart
Some call me brainiac ♪

♪ So ask me any question
There's no answer that I lack ♪

♪ He does not mean to seem vain ♪

♪ But he has got the smarts ♪

♪ Our friend is a real hare brain ♪

♪ The sum total of his parts ♪

♪ Wow, wow, wow-wow-wow-wow-wow ♪

♪ A paragon of wisdom
The epitome of wise ♪

♪ When you're as smart as I am
It's not easy to disguise ♪

♪ I really do not mean to brag
I know it's not polite ♪

♪ In fact, I know so many things
I'm really always right ♪

♪ Oh, he does not mean to seem vain ♪

♪ But he has got the smarts ♪

♪ His wit, insight and wisdom
Are top of all the charts ♪

♪ Wow, wow, wow-wow-wow-wow-wow ♪

♪ Wow, wow, wow-wow-wow-wow-wow ♪

♪ All my friends, you flatter me
You all are too, too kind ♪

♪ Allow me please to repay you
By using my keen mind ♪

♪ La-la-la, la-la-la, la-la-la-la-la ♪

♪ La, la-la ♪

If you ask me, this, uh smarty-pants medal

has made you a little too big
for your britches.

[sputtering]

Hey, he should be proud of himself.

Face it, Hare is so smart,

I'll bet he can't think of one thing
he doesn't know.

If you put it that-- Wait a minute.

Obviously, if he doesn't know something,
he can't think of it.

That's what you think?
As for me, I think not.

[laughs]

Hey, Caterpillar.

My card, my card and my, uh, card.

"March Hare, award-winning smarty pants.

You name it I know it."

If you're ever a confused Caterpillar,
you know who to call.

After all, there's nothing I don't know.

Are you sure you're not being conceited?

Uh, no, thanks. I'd rather stand.

[groans] No, I said conceited.

It means you think
you're better than anyone else.

Well, I was the only one to receive
the queen's smarty-pants medal.

You know, Caterpillar,
being named a smarty-pants

has really changed me.

Uh...

I can see that and I think
you'd better listen to this story.

Once there was a bright green
chameleon named Casey.

Casey's friends admired
her beautiful green color

but Casey wanted everyone to admire her,

so one day she heard some frog say,
"What a beautiful yellow butterfly."

Casey decide she needed
to be yellow as well.

Then Casey heard the butterflies say,
"What a beautiful blue bird."

So Casey decided to turn blue also.

Then Casey heard the birds say,

"What a beautiful pink and orange fruit."

So Casey added pink and orange
to her appearance.

Changing into so many colors
made Casey very tired,

but she felt it was worth it
if it made everyone admire her.

When Casey's friends saw her,

she asked them,
"How do you like all my new colors?"

Her friends didn't want to hurt
her feelings,

but they told her,
"With all those other colors mixed in,

we can't see the beautiful green
you once were."

Surprisingly,
Casey's feelings weren't hurt.

Deep down she liked being green best too.

So from then on
Casey decided to be just herself.

[hooting]

I see, so the lesson is
don't try to be something you're not.

Hm.

Of course it has nothing to do with me.

I am a smarty-pants
and that's exactly how I'm acting.

How true that is.

Ah! Oh!

[groans] I don't understand it.
Hare never misses a tea party.

-Maybe he's lost.
-Well, that's never stopped him before.

Maybe he's so busy answering questions
he doesn't have time for tea.

Delivery for the Mad Hatter. [groans]

Those are the books that Hare
was using to help him answer questions.

Well, he's not using them anymore.

Did he already go out of business?

Oh! I told him he'd be better off
setting up shop in a busy mall

instead of out in the middle of the woods.

Oh! I believe this note will explain.

Oh. All right. Thank you.

Uh... Oh!

"Dear Hatter--" That's me.

"How are you? I'm fine.
The weather is nice here.

-Is the weather nice there?"
-Yes.

"I was thinking it might rain
but then it didn't.

-I'm--"
-Skip to that part.

Alrighty.

"I am giving all my books to you.

Who needs books
when you're as smart as I am.

Sincerely, the March Hare."

Well, that doesn't sound very smart.

To me, it sounds like
he's being a bit conceited.

Oh, come on, the Hare isn't stuck up,
he's just, uh, sure of himself.

Let me read the rest.

"PS. I won't be at the tea party today

because I'm going to be
on my very own radio show."

-[gasping]
-Hare's on the air.

He's hit the big time.

And just think,
we knew him when he was like us,

one of the little people.

[man on radio]
And now it's time for Ask Smarty-Pants.

Here's your host,
the original smarty-pants, the March Hare.

[chorus]
♪ He's the hare who's on the ball ♪

♪ Smarty-Pants, Smarty-Pants
Knows it all ♪

[recorded applause plays]

Hi, everybody out there in radioland.

I know we've got lots of questions
so let's go to the phones.

Caller number one, ask Smarty-Pants.

[woman]
What came first, the chicken or the egg?

Good question.

Without an egg there can be no chicken,

but without a chicken there are no eggs.

However, since eggs are for breakfast
and since breakfast comes first,

the egg came first.

Caller number two, ask Smarty-Pants.

[man 1] Hi, could you tell me
what's the difference between a duck?

What's the difference between a duck?

Simple, one of its legs is the same.

Caller number three, ask Smarty-Pants.

[man 2] Yes, how much wood
would a woodchuck chuck

if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

I'm sorry but all woodchuck questions
must be submitted in writing.

Time now for this commercial message.

When we come back
I'll be answering the age-old question,

"Is the colder in the mountains
than it is in the winter?"

[chorus]
♪ He's the hare who's on the ball ♪

♪ Smarty-Pants, Smarty-Pants
Knows it all ♪

I think that I shall never see
A queen as wonderful as me

I think that I shall never see
A queen as wonderful as me

Hey, this is a poetry reading
not an ice cream social.

Oh, we're not talking about ice cream,
we're talking about Hare's radio show.

Right, it was really great.

-Did you happen to listen in?
-No.

Now all of you be quiet and pay attention.

Where was I.

-My gorgeous face, my sense of style
-[indistinct chatter]

I'm the best you've seen
In quite a while--

-Please!
-What?

The queen is reading her poems
and you should not interrupt!

Thank you, Rabbit.

The poor woman had enough trouble
putting down a few verses.

-Rabbit?
-If you insist on talking,

-you know she's bound to lose her place--
-Rabbit!

Oh, don't worry, Your Majesty,
I'll get them to be quiet.

[chattering]

-None of us knew the answer.
-[Alice] I know.

[pop music playing]

[clears throat]

♪ A little consideration, please
For the queen of Wonderland ♪

♪ You should all pay strict attention ♪

♪ To the matter now at hand ♪

♪ A little consideration, please
For the program has begun ♪

♪ Now is not the time to chat
Chatting time is done ♪

♪ There's a time and place
For everything ♪

♪ And now it's time to listen ♪

♪ Why, if you keep this talking up
Who knows what you'll be missing ♪

♪ So a little consideration, please
Don't want to be rude ♪

♪ Let's be a proper audience
While she's in a poetic mood ♪

♪ There's a time and place
For everything ♪

♪ And now it's time to listen ♪

♪ But if you keep this talking up
Who knows what you'll be missing ♪

♪ Show a little consideration, please ♪

♪ For the Queen of Wonderland ♪

Thank you.

-Thank you, Rabbit.
-Oh. Not at all, Your Majesty.

[clears throat]

There once was a really red queen

Who never, no never, was me--

-Hey, everybody.
-Now what?

I just saw the March Hare
coming from the radio station.

He's agreed to answer a few questions
and sign autographs.

[chattering and cheering]

And you were worried
he was acting conceited.

I have some questions for him.

I couldn't get through to him on the radio
because so many people were calling in.

-It's amazing how popular he is.
-[chattering]

Oh. Oh, harrumph!

I can't believe they would rather hear
that silly Hare answer questions

than to listen to my beautiful poems.

Well, Your Majesty...

-There's no accounting for taste.
-Yes.

-Was it exciting to be on the radio?
-Were you nervous?

What happens if you get the hiccups
while you're on the air?

-Can you get me one of these cool jackets?
-[Red Queen] Ahem.

Hey, Your Majesty, did you catch the show?

No, but I heard about it.

It seems you've gotten quite a reputation
for your intelligence.

I owe it all to you.

Ever since you gave me that medal,

I've realized
that I'm not only a smarty-pants,

-I'm a real know-it-all.
-How true that is.

In fact, Your Majesty,
go ahead and ask me anything.

Ask me why the sky is blue.

Ask me why the grass is green.

Ask me why carrots are orange.

Please, even I know that one.

Well, okay, why is the sky blue
and why is the grass green?

Because-- You know, I'm glad you asked.

Those are good questions.

And if you give me a moment,
I might be able to guess.

Oh, guess? You mean you don't know?

Well, I'm sure
I read the answer somewhere.

How about a hint?

That seems fair.

Hare, I'm surprised at you.

A true smarty-pants doesn't need hints.

Just give me another chance.

Does anyone else have any questions?

I had a question but I guess
I can probably figure it out myself.

Me too. Sorry, Hare.

If only you still had your books.

No one wants to know anything?

Don't feel bad
you didn't know the answers.

-The queen's questions were tough.
-Thanks, Alice.

But there's no sense
trying to make me feel better.

I'm sorry, everyone.

Here, Your Majesty.

I guess I better return
this smarty-pants medal.

Looks like I don't deserve it.

How could I have been so conceited?

Don't feel bad, you just got carried away.

And besides, in my book
you're still the smartest hare around.

-Really?
-Sure.

See, under S for smart, your picture.

Well, it sure wasn't smart of me
to think I didn't need all my books.

That's the most intelligent thing
you've said yet.

In fact, Hare,
I've got a question for you.

Sorry, I am out of
the question answering business.

I don't care.

What I want to ask you is,
do you want your smarty-pants medal back?

No way, I don't deserve it.

I'm just a know-nothing.

Oh, you're not a know-nothing,
you're just not a know-everything.

Listen to the Rabbit.
He knows these things.

Okay, well, if I'm not a know-nothing
then at least I'm a know-very little.

No way are you a know-very little.

You're at least a know-a lot.

Yes, and a know-a lot
still deserves a smarty-pants medal.

Right. After all, you're a hare
with a good head on his shoulders.

You know it.

-Ow.
-Ooh!

Sorry.

[rock music playing]

♪ You're wiser now for all to see ♪

♪ You know it, uh-huh, you know it ♪

♪ With an added touch of humility ♪

♪ You know it, uh-huh, you know it ♪

♪ Everyone, listen to my decree ♪

♪ Let's have a smarty-pants jubilee ♪

♪ You know it's all for you, Mr. Hare ♪

♪ Mr. Hare ♪

♪ You've helped everyone in Wonderland ♪

♪ You know it, uh-huh, you know it ♪

♪ Thinking of you
Our hearts expand ♪

♪ You know it, uh-huh, you know it ♪

♪ Receive this honor upon my command ♪

♪ You deserve our applause
And a great big hand ♪

♪ You know it's all for you, Mr. Hare ♪

♪ Mr. Hare ♪

♪ Nobody here can know it all ♪

♪ Not at all, no, not at all ♪

♪ But, Hare, you are right on the ball ♪

♪ On the ball, yes, on the ball ♪

♪ Let's celebrate, sing one and all ♪

♪ With this award
You can really stand tall ♪

♪ You know it's all for you, Mr. Hare ♪

♪ Mr. Hare! ♪

♪ You know it's all for you, Mr. Hare ♪

You know, Dinah,
I've been thinking about this test.

I didn't get a good grade
because I thought I knew it all.

And no one knows everything.

I may be smart but I still need to study.

Of course, I don't have to tell that
to an intelligent cat like you.

[theme music playing]

♪ That's all for now
But we'll see you again ♪

♪ Come back real soon
Now that we're all friends ♪

♪ Where every day is something new ♪

♪ With music, rhyme and a dance or two ♪

♪ Use your imagination
And you'll understand ♪

♪ It's an adventure in Wonderland ♪

♪ Adventure in Wonderland ♪

♪ Adventures in Wonderland ♪