03x05 - The Day of the Iguana

[bunniefuu]

[upbeat music playing]

Look, Dinah, I pulled the astrology
section from today's newspaper.

-[meows]
-You don't know what astrology is?

Supposedly, the way
the stars and the planets line up

has an effect on your life.

By reading your daily forecast,
you can see if you'll have a good day.

-[meows]
-Well...

I don't know if I believe it either.
But let's just see what it says.

Hm.
"The position of the moon is uncertain.

Today may not be a good day
to spend time outdoors."

[scoffs] But I don't wanna stay
cooped up in my room all day.

You're right, Dinah.

I'd be pretty silly to live my life
by what this says.

Wait. I know a way to get out of my room
without going outdoors.

[theme music playing]

♪ Hold on to your seat
Let's go for a ride ♪

♪ Now that we're here
On the other side ♪

♪ Use your imagination
And you'll understand ♪

♪ It's an adventure in Wonderland ♪

♪ Every day is something new ♪

♪ With music, rhyme and a dance or two ♪

♪ It's a curious place
With a wonderful crew ♪

♪ And you're never quite sure
What they will do ♪

♪ Use your imagination
You'll understand ♪

♪ It's an adventure in Wonderland ♪

♪ Adventure in Wonderland ♪

♪ Adventure in Wonderland ♪

-Hi, Your Majesty.
-Hello, Alice.

-What are you reading?
-My favorite book. The Regal Catalog.

Your favorite is a mail-order catalog?

Of course.
Every time I pick it up, I laugh.

I cry. I spend money.

Oh! I love to shop! [laughs]

[funk music playing]

♪ Purchase, buy, trade or swap
Take me shopping, I can't stop ♪

♪ Shop till I drop
Ooh, I love to shop ♪

♪ Every shopping spree
Just brings out the queen in me ♪

♪ Shop till I drop
Ooh, I love to shop ♪

♪ These shoes are divine
And this dress will do just fine ♪

♪ And, yes, I need
Just one more diamond ring ♪

♪ The Wonderland Store
Isn't open anymore ♪

♪ There's a sign saying
The queen bought everything ♪

♪ To get some silk stockings
Let my fingers do the walking ♪

♪ Shop till I drop
Ooh, I love to shop ♪

♪ It would make me oh-so-happy
To buy that sheep serape ♪

♪ Shop till I drop
Ooh, I love to shop ♪

♪ These shoes are divine
And this dress will do just fine ♪

♪ And, yes, I need
Just one more diamond ring ♪

♪ The Wonderland Store
Isn't open anymore ♪

♪ There's a sign saying
The queen bought everything ♪

[muttering] Oh!

I see the new Regal Catalog has arrived.

Your Majesty, may I order something?

Of course, Rabbit.
Just as soon as I decide what I want.

Oh, look, Alice,
a silk scarf with diamonds.

Oh, I must have it. Oh!

[stammers] Yes...

Oh, goody. Now I get
to order something from the catalog.

You sound like you have something in mind.

Oh, I do, Alice.
I need a new pair of bedroom slippers.

-[chuckles, then gasps]
-Oh.

Oh! Look at that. Aren't those
the cutest little fuzzy-wuzzy slippers?

They are. I call these bunny slippers.

Oh, so do I.

Since I am a bunny, I must have them.

Rabbit, they're putting
one of those scarves aside for me,

so I want you to hop over there
and pick it up.

Oh, yes, of course, Your Majesty.
Happy to, happy to.

[groans]

And I have to get some
fuzzy-wuzzy foot-warmers while I'm there.

[laughing]

[snoring]

[animals chittering and squawking]

Uh, excuse me.

Is that you making all that noise?

Oh, no, those are my critters.

That's quite a collection of critters.

-Who's the big scaly guy?
-Oh! Uh...

This is Chuck. He's an iguana.

Hm. Do iguanas like cats?

Chuck likes everybody.

Hm. "Floyd the Fabulous Fortune Teller."

That's me. I can tell your fortune
and predict your future.

Do you mean you can tell me
what's gonna happen tomorrow?

Sure. Would you like me to read your palm?

I don't have a palm.
Could you read my paw?

Of course I can.
And I'll do it for one peewee price,

one teeny, tiny token, one fine-speck fee.

Huh? As in money?

Never mind,
I don't believe in fortune tellers.

Oh, well.

There's always a sucker
coming around the next corner.

"Floyd the Fabulous Fortune Teller."

Oh! [chuckles] I say.
You can't really predict the future

Can you?

Of course I can. In fact,
I predicted you'd ask me that question.

[gasps] Well, my word.
If you can tell a person's fortune,

I bet Her Majesty
would be interested in meeting you.

Her Majesty?
As in queen, imperial monarch, big cheese?

Her Most Royal Highness,
the Queen of Hearts.

[gasps]

Boy, if I could get to be
the official fortune teller for the queen,

I'd have it made!

Tell you what I'm gonna do.

Even though my fabulous fortunes
usually go for one peewee price,

one teeny, tiny token, one fine-speck fee.

I'm going to make you a prediction
at no cost just to prove I'm on the level.

Oh, how exciting!
Thank you. Thank you, indeed.

Now just relax and close your eyes.

That's it.

-Keep your eyes shut tight as a drum.
-[giggling]

You can open your eyes now.

Rabbit, I predict you'll soon have
a new pair of slippers to warm your feet.

[gasps] Why, that's remarkable!

Only today I bought
a new pair of fuzzy slippers.

-Really?
-Oh! You are a real fortune teller!

Oh, you must come
back with me to the palace

and tell Her Majesty's fortune!
I won't take no for an answer.

Oh, where's Rabbit?

He should be back by now with my--

-Oh, there you are! Oh!
-[grunts]

Where's my scarf?

Oh, it's right here, Your Majesty.

-But there's someone I wanted you to meet.
-He can wait. I want to see my scarf.

Oh! Look at that.

-It's beautiful, Your Majesty.
-Ah!

Yes. As I was saying, Your Majesty,
there's just someone I'd like you to meet.

I brought--

Your Majesty, this is Floyd
the Fabulous Fortune Teller.

Fortune teller?

[laughs] What nonsense!

I never met a fortune teller
who could tell me anything.

Well, Your Majesty,
your fortune's about to change.

[dance music playing]

♪ Step right up
And lay your palms on the table ♪

♪ I know what's in your future
I won't tell you any fable ♪

♪ Your fortune is about to change ♪

♪ My powers are cosmic and strange ♪

♪ From palmistry to tea leaves
It's all within my range ♪

♪ I'll gaze into my crystal ball
And answer every question ♪

♪ I'll be able to respond
With extrasensory perception ♪

♪ Your fortune is about to change ♪

♪ My powers are incredibly strange ♪

♪ From tarot to astrology
It's all within my range ♪

♪ Your fortune is about to change ♪

♪ My powers are incredibly strange ♪

♪ From seance to Ouija ♪

♪ It's all within my range ♪

Huh.
Just how much is this going to cost me?

Well, since you're the queen,
I'm going to give you the royal offer.

Ooh. What's the royal offer?

At absolutely no cost to you,
I'm going to make you a one-day fortune.

Try it out. Take it around the block.

Take it around the block?

Sorry, I used to sell used cars.

What I mean is see if it comes true,
and if it does,

I'll come back every day
and tell your fortune.

Please try it, Your Majesty.
After all, you have nothing to lose.

All right, since it's the royal offer.

I never could resist a bargain.

So, what do I do?

First, let me read your palm.

Oh. Ooh!

What do you see, Mr. Floyd?

I see financial matters
figuring in big today.

I predict you'll spend money
and get something in return.

[gasps] Why, that's amazing, Your Majesty!
His prediction has already come true.

He had no way of knowing
you ordered from the Regal Catalog.

See, that's what
these phony fortune tellers do.

They say something
that could apply to anybody.

You're not a fortune teller.
You're a phony! A fake! A cheat!

Please, Your Majesty, be careful.

I've heard that fortune tellers
can cast spells on people they don't like.

Spells, indeed.
I got a prediction for you.

I predict I'll get real crabby
if you're not out of here in 30 seconds.

I predict
you'll be very sorry you said that.

-Oh, nonsense!
-Did you hear that?

You'll see.

When you hear I'm a fortune teller for
another queen, you'll be green with envy.

Oh, nonsense!

Your Majesty! Mr. Floyd! Oh, no, no, no!

I've never been so insulted.

Please don't leave angry.

At least, don't do anything rash,
you know, like, I don't know...

Let's say, cast a sinister, dastardly,
bad-as-they-come spell on the queen.

[phone ringing]

-[woman] Hello, Red?
-Hello.

-There's a sale today.
-Really?

-You wanna go?
-Sure, I'll be right there.

-Great!
-Thanks, Zelda, you're a real pal.

Alice, we're going shopping.

My favorite store, the Queen's Emporium,
is having a three-hour-only sale.

-Come on.
-Wait a minute.

Didn't Mr. Floyd kind of predict
you'd go shopping today?

So? I shop every day.
How hard is that to predict?

[laughing] Come on! Oh!


Boy, oh, boy.

That's one angry fortune teller,
Your Majesty.

[gasps]

But I didn't think he was that angry.

No.

[laughs] It can't be.

Can it?

Your Majesty?

Is that you?

Oh. Of course it isn't.

How could I be so silly as to think
that an iguana could be the queen?

Just because it's sitting
on the queen's throne...

and reading the queen's Regal Catalog.

And wearing the queen's scarf.

[gasps]

Your Majesty!

Your Majesty?

Oh, boy. If that's the queen,
she's really not herself today, is she?

No.

She insulted a fortune teller.

Then he cast a spell on her.

Hm?

You've heard those stories
about crabby fortune tellers

casting spells and changing people
into creepy-crawly creatures.

Well, one thing's for sure.

If the queen ever saw an iguana
wearing a beautiful scarf like that,

she'd be green with envy.

-[gasps]
-Green with envy? Oh, dear.

The fortune teller warned the queen
she'd be green with envy. Now look at her!

[gasps] This...

This thing is the queen!

Sure there's no other explanation?

Well, can you think of another way

an iguana could end up
on the queen's throne?

Hm. By promising to lower taxes?

Oh, this is awful!

Oh!

Well, we just have to make the best of it
until the spell wears off.

We just go about the day
as if nothing has happened.

That's what we'll do. Ah!

Oh, I see it's time
for Her Majesty's afternoon walk.

So I'll just take off my skates

and get Her Majesty's walking shoes.

In her present form,
I think a leash would be more useful.

[cackles]

Oh...

[sighs]

Oh. Did the queen get a new pet?

Oh, this isn't a pet of the queen's.

[grunts]

This is the queen.

You see,
she angered a traveling fortune teller

and he cast a spell
and transformed her into an iguana.

It's just awful.

Well, I don't know.

It's done wonders for her complexion.

Such a lovely shade of green,
Your Majesty.

Well, the whole thing
is perfectly embarrassing.

I've already had to call
the Wonderland Fire Department once

to get Her Majesty down from a tree.

And all of this
is the result of a spell, huh?

Well, I think
you should listen to this story.

Oh!

This is a tale
of a beautiful young princess

who longed for a handsome prince.

One day, the princess
was sitting by the lily pond

when she was suddenly
surrounded by three frogs.

-[croaks]
-Yuck!

Each one said they were a prince
who was under a spell.

Each one wanted a kiss to break the spell.

The first said, "Choose me for I am wise."

The second said,
"Choose me for I am handsome."

The third said,
"Choose me for I am a fun guy!"

The princess didn't know
which frog to kiss.

Would it be frog number one?

Frog number two?

Or frog number three?

Well, the princess simply couldn't decide
which frog prince to choose.

And she felt so guilty about it

that she began baking them cookies
to eat while they waited.

The princess never could make a decision,
so instead of a handsome prince,

she ended up with three very fat frogs.

[hiccups]

Wait.

You're not suggesting
that the spell will be broken

if somebody kisses the iguana.

It's the cure recommended
by four out of five wizards.

[stammers] Yeah, but...

But who could we get to kiss this reptile?

Oh, the things I do for my queen.

[sighs]

Ugh!

Oh, no offense, Your Majesty. [chuckles]

But look.

It didn't work.
The queen is still an iguana.

Which means I--

Which means I just kissed a lizard

for no good reason.

[sighs]

[speaking indistinctly]

Whoa, Your Majesty!

[chuckles]

I, uh, know what you're thinking.

But, uh, this iguana is really the queen.

Oh, please, Rabbit.

That's the most ridiculous thing
I've ever heard.

Yes, it is.

Unless, of course, Her Majesty
angered a traveling fortune teller

who then got crabby enough
to cast a spell,

turning her into a creepy-crawler

that snacks on lush vegetation
and is a, uh, tree-climber by nature.

-Eh.
-Well, that's exactly what happened.

Why didn't you just say so?

Don't worry, Your Majesty.

Hare and I will whip up a spell-remover
from this recipe book.

Let's see here.

Uh, okay. Um...

Let's see.

Swedish meatballs?

-No.
-No.

Okay.

Chocolate brownies?

-No.
-No.

Let's see. Oh, here it is.

The recipe for how to change
an iguana back into a queen.

Great. Now all we have to do is stir it up

and we'll have
a fare-thee-well spell-remover.

[bluegrass music playing]

♪ The fare-thee-well spell-remover ♪

♪ Fare thee well, spell
Soon you'll be through ♪

♪ We will mix up a magic elixir ♪

♪ To reverse the curse put on you ♪

♪ Now let's see
Just what goes in the potion ♪

♪ Ah! A dab of this and a pinch of that ♪

♪ Stir it up real good
Just like your grandma would ♪

♪ And then serve it
in a size 8 derby hat ♪

♪ And you've got
The fare-thee-well spell-remover ♪

♪ Fare thee well, spell
Goodbye to you ♪

♪ Once you drink this magic elixir ♪

♪ The curse on you will be through ♪

♪ Of course
We're not professional wizards ♪

♪ But for you, queen, no task is too big ♪

-♪ It won't be very long now ♪
-♪ Till your claws and tail are gone now ♪

♪ Help yourself to a big royal swig of ♪

♪ Fare-thee-well spell-remover ♪

♪ Fare thee well, spell
Soon you'll be through ♪

♪ We have mixed up this magic elixir ♪

♪ To reverse the curse put on you ♪

-All right, drink up, Your Majesty.
-Uh-huh.

-There you go. Give that a try.
-Mm-hm.

-She's hungry.
-A-ha!

Uh-oh. The recipe didn't work.

How true that is.

Don't worry.
I'm sure the spell will wear off.

Eventually.

[groans]

I certainly hope you're right.

After all, it's not very dignified

leading the queen around on a leash.

Whoa! Whoa, Your Majesty!

Whoa! Goodbye! Whoa!

[animals groaning]

Okay, okay, I know it's lunchtime.

Sheesh. When you're hungry,
you act like a bunch of animals.

-[animals chatter]
-Oh.

Right, you are a bunch of animals.

Well, we'll just wait here.

Uh-- Wait.

Where's Chuck?

Oh, did that iguana run off again?
Oh, no, Chuck.

Chucky?

Charles.

Hey, Floyd, old boy.

I predict if you return
to the queen's palace,

you'll find your runaway pet.

Or should I say your royal runaway pet?

[cackles]

Can you imagine
the queen turning into an iguana?

-Stranger things have happened.
-Like what?

How's it going, Your Majesty?

Well, the spell's been very hard on her.

I don't think she's feeling very well.

Yeah, she does look
a little green around the gills.

-[laughing]
-[gasps] That's not funny.

Our poor queen
may never recover from this.

-[chuckles]
-Oh, I think she'll be all right.

Just think, there are advantages to this.

She hasn't yelled at you once.

There you are.

Now you just rest there
while I fix you something for lunch.

Ah! Chuck! There you are.

Bad iguana.
You've really got to stop wandering off.

And you don't look your best in red.

I don't know why they call that
a three-hour-only sale.

It only took me one hour
to see there was nothing worth buying.

Here you are, Your Majesty.

Here's your lunch.

-My lunch?
-[gasps]

How dare you feed me
from a pet dish on the floor!

[gasps] Your Majesty!

And since when do I eat mashed grapes
and tree leaves?

Hey, Your Majesty, you've come back to us.

Sure didn't expect it to be this soon.

Well, yes, I know
it was supposed to last three hours,

but I got bored, so I came back after one.

Well, the important thing is,
Your Majesty, you're your old self again.

Oh!

Yes. Oh!

Welcome back!

-Oh, Rabbit.
-Oh!

[pop music playing]

♪ We're mighty glad to have you home
Right back here and on the throne ♪

♪ We wouldn't want another queen ♪

♪ Who wants a monarch colored green? ♪

♪ It's good to see you back in form ♪

♪ So glad that things are in the norm ♪

♪ We really like our queen this way ♪

♪ Without the scales
You're best, we say ♪

♪ We'd like to welcome you back ♪

♪ Your Majesty, welcome back ♪

♪ We thought you really weren't yourself ♪

♪ You got transformed
Into something else ♪

♪ We got to watch our P's and Q's ♪

♪ We don't wanna lose a queen like you ♪

♪ And now it's no more creepy-crawly ♪

♪ We've got a queen who loves a folly ♪

♪ We're glad we can toss out your cage ♪

♪ And welcome you to center stage ♪

♪ We'd like to welcome you back ♪

♪ Your Majesty, welcome... ♪

-♪ Welcome... ♪
-♪ Welcome... ♪

♪ Welcome back! ♪

[laughing and chattering]

Gee, if this is the kind of welcome
I get after a shopping trip,

just imagine what will happen
when I come back from vacation.

-[laughing]
-Yeah.

You know, Dinah, I've been thinking
about this astrology business,

and I'm not really afraid
to go outside today.

Well, I've decided astrological forecasts
might be fun to read,

but you shouldn't take them too seriously.

Why don't you and I go outside
and chase a ball for a while?

Wait. Maybe we'd better read
your astrological forecast first.

-[meows]
-Just kidding. Come on, you.

[theme music playing]

♪ That's all for now
But we'll see you again ♪

♪ Come back real soon
Now that we're all friends ♪

♪ Where every day is something new ♪

♪ With music, rhyme and a dance or two ♪

♪ Use your imagination
And you'll understand ♪

♪ It's an adventure in Wonderland ♪

♪ Adventure in Wonderland ♪

♪ Adventures in Wonderland ♪