03x22 - Bunny, Can You Spare a Dime?

[bunniefuu]

[pensive music playing]

Boy, Dinah, just wait
till Cathy needs something from me.

Well, aren't big sisters
supposed to be there for you?

-[meows]
-That's what I thought.

But when I asked her to borrow $10
to buy these barrettes I need,

she said no, because I haven't paid back
the $3 I borrowed last week.

Or the $5 I borrowed the week before.

Or the $2 I borrowed the week before that.

-[meows]
-[sighs]

Don't look at me like that.
I'll pay her back.

Eventually, but not this week,
because I really need those barrettes.

Now, how am I going to get $10?

I need to think about this.

[theme music playing]

♪ Hold on to your seat
Let's go for a ride ♪

♪ Now that we're here
On the other side ♪

♪ Use your imagination
And you'll understand ♪

♪ It's an adventure in Wonderland ♪

♪ Every day is something new ♪

♪ With music, rhyme and a dance or two ♪

♪ It's a curious place
With a wonderful crew ♪

♪ And you're never quite sure
What they will do ♪

♪ Use your imagination
You'll understand ♪

♪ It's an adventure in Wonderland ♪

♪ Adventure in Wonderland ♪

♪ Adventure in Wonderland ♪

[Rabbit muttering] Let's see now.

-93, 17, 95, 6...
-[calculator clacking]

Carry over the 4 over the 1...

So that means that the amount left
in the Queen's account is...

uh, zero.

Zero?

Rabbit! Rabbit! Rabbit!

Rabbit, Rabbit!

Rabbit, what are you doing down there?

Ah!

Oh, Your Majesty!

I was just, uh, balancing the books,
and, uh, you might say I...

I lost my balance.

Oh. Well, come over here.
I wanna show you what I bought.

-[mouths] Bought?
-[Red Queen laughing and humming]

[gasps]

Your Majesty! [gasps]
Isn't that the Hop Diamond?

Once owned by that
famous furry film star Bunny Davis.

But, uh,
that must have cost a small fortune.

[chuckles] So?
You act like I can't afford it.

[laughs] You can't.

Uh, I mean, uh...

You see, Your Majesty,
I was just going over the books,

you know,
the money that comes into the palace

and the money that goes out of the palace.

And, uh, the thing is,
you see, it's just that, uh...

It doesn't seem to add up.

[pop music playing]

♪ While auditing expenditures
I found, to my great displeasure ♪

♪ A slight monetary loss ♪

♪ The bank is overfilled with IOUs
With interest starting to accrue ♪

♪ In short, it's financial chaos ♪

♪ It just doesn't seem to add up ♪

♪ When it comes to money
You don't have enough ♪

♪ No, no, no
It just doesn't seem to add up ♪

♪ When it comes to money
You don't have enough ♪

♪ By subtracting collected fines and fees
From our assets and liabilities ♪

♪ To the revenues of properties
Then multiplying those by these ♪

♪ Your vast amounts of jewelry
And of course my measly salary ♪

♪ The sum of which, as you can see ♪

♪ Is that you are extremely
And extraordinarily close to bankruptcy ♪

[wheezes]

♪ It just doesn't seem to add up ♪

♪ When it comes to money
You don't have enough ♪

♪ No, it just doesn't seem to add up ♪

♪ When it comes to money
You don't have enough ♪

♪ Not nearly enough ♪

♪ When it comes to money
You don't have enough ♪

You're in the red.

So exactly how much money do I have?

Well, uh, in round numbers, you have...

zero.

What do you mean, zero?

Oh, you know, nothing. Zip. Nada.

Oh.

The big goose egg.

What? How did this happen?

[stammering] Well...

You see, uh...

If I--

[clears throat]

If I may, Your Majesty,
it seems you're spending too much money.

But I don't spend any money.

Whenever I want to buy something,
I just use my sky's-the-limit credit card.

Yes, and the store sends me the bill,
and I pay it with your money.

Oh. So that's how this little baby works.

So how am I going to
get the money to pay my bills?

Well, Your Majesty, I, uh...

I really hate to say this,

but you're going to have to sell
a few of your things at a royal auction.

What? You expect me
to sell my prized possessions

to the person that offers the most money?

[stammering] Well, yes.

Oh, Rabbit! Rabbit!

I'm afraid you'll have to.

I don't want people to know I need money.

Well, no one need know, Your Majesty.

Not if you don't sell anything
really important.

Uh, for example,
you could sell the Hop Diamond.

What? This is
the most important thing I own.

I need this!

Your Majesty--

Your Majesty,
you need food, shelter, and clothing.

You don't need another expensive diamond.

[inaudible dialogue]

Well, hello, Twinkle Toes.

Oh, imagine my surprise
when I heard you were having an auction.

You wouldn't be in need
of a little money, would you?

Oh, no, Duchy.

I can honestly say
I don't need a little money.

More like oodles and oodles of it.

[laughing]

Then why are you having an auction?
It's so common.

Uh, well, it's really quite simple, Duchy.

And, uh...

And the Rabbit
will be happy to explain it to you.

I will? Oh, I mean, I will.

It's just that
Her Majesty wishes to, uh, unload

a few items she no longer, uh, needs.

Right. You know how it is, Duchy.

One day,
it's a little trinket from this king,

and the next day
it's a little bauble from that king,

and before you know it,
you have no closet space.

[laughing]

So, what are you doing here?

Well, I heard
you might be selling the Hop Diamond.

And you know how auctions are.

I thought I could lowball
and get it for a really good price.

Oh! [groaning]

I can't let that woman
buy the Hop Diamond.

But, Your Majesty, you need the money.

[horn honks]

All right, everyone,
the auction's about to begin.

So take one last look
at the beautiful items to be sold,

because in a minute,
they'll be going, going, gone.

[country music playing]

♪ Gather 'round, folks, here we go ♪

♪ We've got lots of goodies all in a row ♪

♪ So don't be shy and don't be slow ♪

♪ They're all about to be
Going, going, gone ♪

♪ We've got red ones
We've got blue ones ♪

♪ All sorts of surprises ♪

♪ Fancy royal doodads here
Of assorted shapes and sizes ♪

♪ All this stuff, the Queen is through
What a lucky break for you ♪

♪ Why, everything here looks brand new ♪

♪ And it's going, going, gone ♪

-♪ We've got big ones ♪
-♪ We've got small ones ♪

♪ Honest, we aren't kidding ♪

-♪ What a deal ♪
-♪ It's a steal ♪

♪ It's time to start the bidding ♪

♪ So step right up and take a look
It's sure to start you grinning ♪

♪ What lovely stuff
More than enough ♪

♪ And now the auction is beginning ♪

♪ It's all about to be... ♪

-♪ Going ♪
-♪ Going ♪

♪ Gone ♪

Okay, our first item
up for auction is this lovely...

[honks]

diamondesque hat rack.

[all] Ooh! Aah!

-Now, do I hear an opening bid?
-Thirty-five wobucks!

All right, an opening bid of 35.
Who will give me 30?

Who wouldn't?
That's five less than Dum bid. Thirty!

We have 30. Do I hear 25?

-Mr. Hatter!
-Not now, Alice, I'm on a roll.

But, Mr. Hatter, you're supposed to
raise the price, not lower it.

Who's gonna be silly enough to buy
these things if I keep raising the price?

Hatter, you chucklehead!
Stop lowering the price.

Now, what was that last bid?

Thirty wobucks, Your Majesty.

Thirty wobucks? It's worth
much more than that. One hundred.

I have 100 in the front row.
Do I hear 125?

-That's too rich for my blood.
-Mine too.

Going once, going twice.
Sold to the lady in red!

Your Majesty, you're supposed
to sell these things, not buy them.

I couldn't part with my hat rack,
especially at that price.

Don't worry. I won't bid on anything else.

Now, our next lovely item
up for auction is this...

diamond encrusted vase.

One hundred and fifty!

Going once, going twice.
Sold to the lady in red, again.

[yawns] This is a crummy auction.

I'll say. The Queen's
bought back all of her own stuff.

Not that she had anything worth buying.

There wasn't a single
diamond-studded rubber chicken.

And now, the really outstanding item
of today's auction,

or the piece de resistance,

h*-h*-h*,

the fabulous Hop Diamond.

[oohing]

Now who will start the bidding?

I'll bid 1000 wobucks.

-Uh, two thousand.
-Five thousand.

-Ten thousand.
-Fifty thousand.

[stammers]
A million. A trillion. A bazillion!

All the money in the treasury! Oh!

Why, Twinkle Toes, I think you wouldn't
even wanna sell the Hop Diamond.

I don't. It's my pride and joy,
and I need it.

Now, all of you, go home.
The auction is over.

What? What? What's the problem?

The problem is, Your Majesty,

now, not only do you owe
all the money you owed before,

but you also owe yourself
a bazillion wobucks more or less.

Caterpillar, could you
spare a few of those coins?

Most certainly not, Your Majesty.

They're rare coins,
which means they're difficult to find.

Don't talk to me about rare.

Around the palace these days,
any coin is difficult to find.

Just between you and me
and the mushrooms, I'm flat broke.

[gasps]

Perhaps it's time
for the Rabbit to put you on a budget.

You know, a plan for spending money

so you don't spend more than you have.

Wouldn't that be
to cut down on my shopping sprees?

Uh, perhaps you should listen
to this story.

Once, there was a horse named Horace
who worked in his uncle's horseshoe store.

But Horace was a very lazy horse,
and he hated to work.

So he came in late,

took extra-long lunch breaks,

and left early.

And he foolishly spent
what little money he made horsing around.

One day, when Horace
was complaining to a close Palomino

about not having much money,
a weasel popped up.

He asked Horace,

"How'd you like to have
all the money you want

so you'd never ever have to work again?"

"That's for me," said Horace.

"I have some special seeds,"
said the weasel.

"If you plant these,
they'll grow into a money tree."

So Horace spent his last nickel
on seeds for a money tree.

He planted the seeds
and then he went to bed,

dreaming of the money
he'd soon be picking off his money tree.

Soon, Horace did have a tree,
but it was just a tree, not a money tree.

For, you see, money doesn't grow on trees.

And Horace should have had
the horse sense to know that.

Oh, phooey! I'm not a child,
and I know money doesn't grow on trees!

-Grows on shrubs, right?
-Not there, either, I'm afraid.

If I may be so bold, Your Majesty,

unless you get
your spending problem under control,

it could lead to disaster.

[pensive music playing]

Your Majesty, you did the right thing,

coming to
Hatter & Hare Financial Consultants.

Just remember our motto.

"When you don't have enough 'cents'
to do anything else, come see us."

[laughing]

Don't forget, I can't pay you much.

Oh, we're not worried, Your Majesty.

-Because if you'll follow our advice...
-You'll pay dearly.

In fact, they guarantee it.

How true that is.

Now, as we see it, the reason
you're having money problems is

you can't say no.

Just what do you mean by that?

Hare.

Your Majesty,
would you like to buy this...

elegant bottle of perfume?

Yes, yes, yes!

[laughs]

Hey! What's going on here?

You just couldn't say no, could you?

You see, Your Majesty, we call this our
Don't-Even-Think-About-Buying-It therapy.

Every time you try to buy something
that you don't have the money for,

something bad will happen.

Soon, you won't wanna buy anything.

Oh, all right. Let's try it again.

[clears throat] Your Majesty,
would you like to buy these...

beautiful diamond earrings?

Ah! Yes, yes, yes!

Your Majesty, maybe you need to
just practice saying no first. Watch me.

No.

No!

No.

No, no! No, no--

Oh, stop that! I know how to say no!

-Couldn't prove it by me.
-Oh!

-Let's try it again.
-All right.

Uh, Your Majesty,
would you like to buy these...

stylish new shoes?

Yes! Yes, yes, yes!

Ah-ha-ha-ha.

I bought these shoes,
and nothing bad happened to me.

[plane dive-bombing overhead]

Oh!

Hatter! Hare!

I can't pay you. I don't have the money.
I don't have the money!

Your Majesty,

unless you get
your spending problem under control,

it could lead to disaster.

Disaster!

Disaster!

Hey! What are you two doing,
eating breakfast in my courtyard?

Did you hear me?

That's strange.

They can't hear me.

And they can't see me.

What's going on here?

[yawning and groaning]

How did you two sleep?

Not very well.

You'd think we'd get better mattresses
for what we pay to stay here.

[gasps] Boarders? In my palace?

Shoo! All of you, get out of here! Out!

Oh, right. They can't hear me or see me.

Rabbit, we're ready for breakfast now.

And I'd love some more French toast.

Her Majesty
will have to whip up another batch.

Me? In the kitchen? Making breakfast?

When pigs fly!

Oh, Rabbit,
I have wonderful news for Twinkle Toes.

-I bought the palace!
-[gasps]

[subjects cheering]

What?
I'd never put the palace up for sale!

And I would never sell it to her!

Although I wonder if it was
such a good idea to buy this old barn.

It really is a fixer upper, isn't it?

[pop music playing]

♪ Well, the palace itself is not too bad ♪

♪ When I can contribute to the walls
I'll feel glad ♪

♪ Why, this window should be here
Not here ♪

♪ And this door is totally common
I fear ♪

♪ The throne
Well, it goes without a thought ♪

♪ I'll move in the last one I've bought ♪

♪ This is a royal fixer upper ♪

♪ I'll need plumbers
Contractors, electricians ♪

♪ And many, many, many gardeners ♪

♪ As for those curtains, ugh ♪

♪ Same with all these rugs ♪

♪ This is a royal fixer upper ♪

♪ This is a royal fixer upper ♪

Oh! What a sad, sad day this is.

Her Majesty forced to sell the palace
to the Duchess just to pay her bills.

Pay my bills. Oh! Oh.

[stammering] Pay my bills.
Oh! Okay. Oh, oh!

Oh! Oh! Oh.

Thank goodness it was just a dream.

[sighs] So I'll still have
a second chance to pay my bills.

And I'm going to pay them
no matter what I have to do.

My, my, my! What perfectly elegant stuff.

-Who's it for?
-The Duchess.

[gasps] The Duchess?

Hm...

If you're going to all this trouble
for that woman,

you must really want something.

I do. I really want you to leave
before you get fur in the flower bowl.

[laughs] Very well. But something's up.

And it's not just me.

-Hello, Twinkle Toes.
-Oh!

Duchy, can I be perfectly honest with you?

Why, have you been lying up until now?

Listen, I just feel terrible
that I snatched everything up

at my own auction.

And so I've decided
to put a few items up for sale again,

and I wanted you
to have first chance at buying them.

-Diamond-studded back scratcher?
-No.

-Diamond-studded pencil sharpener?
-Uh-uh.

-Shoe tree?
-Oh!

-[stammers] Nutcracker?
-No.

Kitty cat alarm clock?

You really do need money.

Oh, okay, I admit it. I'm flat broke.

And I invited you here
because I need to borrow some money.

Just until tax day.

Of course.
I'll loan you every penny that you need.

And you won't have to
give me any of that junk.

Oh. Oh, thank you, Duchy.

I take back every nasty thing
I've said about you.

-Of course, I do want the Hop Diamond.
-[gasps] Why, you little--

Oh, now, now, Twinkle Toes.
I'll just keep it for you

until you're able to pay me back.

Hand it over.

Good.
Now, you have 30 days to pay me back.

Thirty days?
What if I can't pay you back by then?

Then I just bought myself the Hop Diamond.

Oh!

Your Majesty, did I just see
the Duchess wearing the Hop Diamond?

I wouldn't be surprised.

That woman wears jewelry
when she goes jogging.

-Then you did sell it to her?
-Not exactly.

I loaned it to her
in exchange for some money.

Oh, all right, Alice.
I'll come clean with you.

I was up to my neck in bills,

so I humiliated myself
in front of the Duchess,

in order to borrow the money.

Your Majesty, I have great news!

It seems I made an itsy bitsy,
eensy-beensy error

when I was balancing the books.

I subtracted when I should have added.

So now, not only are you not broke,

but you have more money
than you've ever had.

What? That's awful news!

-It is?
-Yes.

It means I made a fool of myself

in front of the Duchess
for no good reason.

Well, at least you learned
a valuable lesson in humility.

What I've learned is
I need a new bookkeeper.

At least now I can
buy back my diamond from the Duchess.

[beeping, then line dialing]

[ringing]

Hello? Grand Duchess speaking.

Grand? Well, we'll see just how grand.

-Hello, Duchy? It's me.
-Mm-hm.

Get that diamond ready.

I'll be over in a few minutes
with every last penny I owe you.

Really? Well, if you want
to buy back the Hop Diamond,

you're going to have to pay me two wobucks
for every wobuck that I paid you.

Two wobucks for every wobuck?

Why, that's highway robbery!

No. Just interest,
compounded by the minute.

Oh!

But, Your Majesty, if you pay back
the Duchess twice what she paid you,

then you truly will be broke.

Oh, then I'll just put off
paying a few unimportant bills,

like the water, electricity, food.

But, Your Majesty, you need all those.

-But I also need the diamond.
-[clears throat]

Okay. I don't really need the diamond,
I just want it.

But I want it a lot.

Oh, okay, okay. You're right.

If I buy back the diamond,
my other bills will pile up again.

And before you know it,
the Duchess will buy my palace.

What a nightmare that would be.

Oh, never mind.

[groans] Rabbit!

I've made a decision.
I am not going to buy back the diamond.

And I want you to put me on a budget.

[laughing]

Budget, Your Majesty? You?

Sure!

After all, even queens
need to live within their means.

[jazz music playing]

♪ I've got to have a budget
An economic plan ♪

♪ To keep my royal savings
From getting out of hand ♪

♪ I'll put away my credit cards
And revise the royal payroll ♪

♪ I've got to get my spending problem
Under control ♪

♪ Even queens
Need to live within their means ♪

♪ I'll create a royal nest egg
One that's sure to multiply ♪

♪ Even queens
Need to live within their means ♪

♪ It's time I started saving
All of my M-O-N-E-Y ♪

♪ I'll stop watching the shopping channel
And learn new skills ♪

♪ No more royal shopping sprees
To Wonderland Hills ♪

♪ Even queens
Need to live within their means ♪

♪ It's time I started saving
All of my M-O-N-E-Y ♪

You know, Dinah, I've been thinking.

And I've decided that
even though I may want those barrettes,

I don't need them.

What I need is a budget
so I can start paying back Cathy.

Because if I don't repay her,
she might want you instead of the money.

Don't worry. I won't let that happen.

You're worth more to me
than all the money in the world.

Let's see. Five dollars.
That's for the catnip toy.

[theme music playing]

♪ That's all for now
But we'll see you again ♪

♪ Come back real soon
Now that we're all friends ♪

♪ Where every day is something new ♪

♪ With music, rhyme and a dance or two ♪

♪ Use your imagination
And you'll understand ♪

♪ It's an adventure in Wonderland ♪

♪ Adventure in Wonderland ♪

♪ Adventures in Wonderland ♪