03x33 - Take My Tonsils, Please

[bunniefuu]

[mellow music playing]

Look, Dinah.
You've got something in the mail.

It's addressed to you, but it's for me.

-It's from your doctor.
-[meows]

I know. You don't like it
when I talk about the veterinarian.

You've got to go to the vet
every once in a while

in order to stay well.

Now, let's see.

Oh, it's time
for your once-a-year booster shot.

Wait a minute. They want me
to bring you in on Thursday.

But that's the day
Kim and I are going to the mall.

Gee, maybe I could put off taking you
to the doctor until next week.

After all, you're not sick, and it's not
like you're real anxious to go to the vet.

-[meows]
-Right.

And there's always
a big dog in the waiting room.

Then again,
the doctor probably has a good reason

why he wants you in this week.

Hmm.

I need to think about this a while.

[theme music playing]

♪ Hold on to your seat
Let's go for a ride ♪

♪ Now that we're here on the other side ♪

♪ Use your imagination
And you'll understand ♪

♪ It's an adventure in Wonderland ♪

♪ Every day is something new ♪

♪ With music, rhyme and a dance or two ♪

♪ It's a curious place
With a wonderful crew ♪

♪ And you're never quite sure
What they will do ♪

♪ Use your imagination
You'll understand ♪

♪ It's an adventure in Wonderland ♪

♪ Adventure in Wonderland ♪

♪ Adventure in Wonderland ♪

[horn honking]

Attention, everyone.

I have an extra special,
surprise announcement to make.

What's the announcement about?

It's about a minute away.

Which gives us just enough time
to go around the table

and construct
a silly sentence using alliteration.

How do you fill your free time?

Oh, what fun.
I just love building sentences

using words
with the same beginning sound. I'll start.

Um...

-Bradley bought bananas.
-Oh.

Bradley bought banana bunches.

Bad Bradley bought banana bunches.

Big bad Bradley bought banana bunches.

Big bad Bradley bought banana bunches...

Ack!

What alliteration was that?
We're supposed to use a B sound.

It's this sore throat of mine.
Makes it hard for me to speak sometimes.

Haven't you been getting
a lot of sore throats lately?

Yes, he has.
Hatter, have you seen a doctor?

-Of course I've seen a doctor.
-Oh, good.

Last one I saw was about yay tall,
wearing a white coat,

and he was thumping melons
in the produce department.

No. When was the last time you saw
a doctor about that throat of yours?

Oh, that's easy to remember.
[clears throat] I haven't.

[alarm rings]

Oh, it's time for my extra special,
surprise announcement.

So if you'll all turn your attention
to our Crystal.

[crowd cheering on Crystal]

[announcer] You're watching HTV,
Hat Television, all hats all the time.

That about does it
for today's hat hot tracks,

the weekly countdown
of the hottest hat videos.

Tune in next week when our host
will be the man who started it all,

Big Daddy Hatter.

Is it just me or has that guy
not aged a day in 30 years?

[audience laughing]

Tune in two weeks from today when
our guest host will be the Mad Hatter.

Good night.

-[audience cheering]
-[indistinct chatter]

You're going to be on TV?

Yeah. Speaking to all my fellow hatters
in Wonderland.

Why, my voice--

My voice will--

Ack.

Your voice will be gone if you don't see
a doctor about that throat.

Oh, please. My throat's never felt better.

I find that hard to swallow.

You too? Isn't it awful when you--?
Oh, you were using an idiom.

Saying you didn't believe me.
Well, believe me, my throat's in the pink.

[upbeat music playing]

♪ I never would mislead you
It's not my nature, don't you see? ♪

♪ So hear me loud and clear
I'm perfectly germ-free ♪

♪ My throat is in the pink ♪

♪ The best it's ever been ♪

♪ I'm feeling, oh, so rosy
From my neck bone to my grin ♪

♪ My throat is in the pink ♪

♪ It's difficult to say ♪

♪ When it's felt much better
And it does this very day ♪

♪ Keep watching HTV
For soon I'll grace the show ♪

♪ With my charming personality
And my robust healthy glow ♪

♪ Uh-oh ♪

♪ My throat is in the pink ♪

♪ The best it's ever been ♪

♪ I'm feeling, oh, so rosy
From my neck bone to my grin ♪

♪ My throat is in the pink ♪

♪ It's difficult to say ♪

♪ When it's felt much better
Than it does this very day ♪

♪ It's never felt much better
Than it does this very day ♪

[singing note repeatedly]

-Throat problem?
-Mm.

Note problem.

So whenever my throat gets dry
during singing practice,

I spritz it with a little water.

♪ Step right up and have a seat ♪

♪ Thank you very much
My good Caterpill-- ♪

Ack.

Well, now we know
who has the throat problem.

Oh, it's nothing. Besides, I'm not one
to make a mountain out of a mole hill.

Well, speaking of mountains,
I think you'd better listen to this story.

"Once there was a mouse
named Mabel who lived with her family

in a cozy, little mousehole.

There was just one problem.

Outside the mousehole lived
a very big, very clever

and very hungry cat.

Mother mouse warned her children,
'Don't let him fool you.

Stay away from that cat.'

Then one day,
Mabel heard funny noises from outside.

Mabel peeked out and saw a wonderful
mouse-sized amusement park ride."

Mouth Mountain? Oh, boy!

"Mouse Mountain looked like so much fun

that Mabel just had to try it out."

Whee!

"She forgot all about
her mother's warning."

Whee!

"'Too late,' Mabel realized.

She was trapped.

Lucky for Mabel,
her family heard her cries for help

and they sprang into action.

[dog barking]

[caterwauls]

Mabel was so glad to escape...

that she promised from that day on
she would never ignore a warning again."

Cute story, Caterpillar,
but why tell it to me?

I never ignore warnings.

Oh, really?

Have you ever considered
that any time you have an ache,

pain or sore throat,

it might be
your body giving you a warning?

[Hare scatting]

Oh, hello.

Why, Hatter,
you never put honey in your tea.

Wait. You don't have
another sore throat, do you?

[in raspy voice] No.
I think it's the same one.

Then why haven't you gone to see a doctor?

Well, it's just that I'm afraid.

Afraid that he doesn't have time
to see me.

Yes, he does.

I made an appointment for you in one hour.

-Dor--
-No.

Not another word. Rest your voice.

[scatting]

Ooh. Mm.

-Right this way, please.
-Oh. Right this way.

So, what seems to be the problem?

Oh. An awful sore throat

and a voice so raspy,
you can barely stand to listen to it.

Well, your voice sounds very nice to me.

Thank you. Matter of fact,
I used to sing in the choir.

Lyric baritone.

[sings note, then laughs]

Oh! No, no, no.
He's the one with the sore throat.

-The doctor will be right with you.
-Thank you.

I don't think the doctor wants you
to play with things.

But look, he's got this great collection
of ice cream sticks.

Do you realize
what you can build with these?

Hare, please, don't embarrass me.

I won't embarrass you. I'm good at this.

In the fourth grade,
I got an A on the log cabin I built.

Ah. Doctor.
How are you feeling this afternoon?

I'm supposed to ask you that.
I'm Dr. Busby.

Sore throat, huh?
Well, let's take a look at it.

Sit right here, sir.

Well, that's funny, I filled this jar full
of tongue depressors just this morning.

I don't suppose you have any left over.

Never mind.

Have any earaches with those sore throats?

Okay, open your mouth.

Stick out your tongue and say, "Ah."

[both] Ah.

Just as I thought. You have tonsillitis.

Tonsillitis? You don't mean a condition
in which the massive lymphoid tissue

in the back of the throat
becomes red and inflamed?

Well, I read a little.

Those tonsils are gonna have to come out.

They should've come out some time ago.

Don't you know that any time
you have an ache or pain or sore throat,

it might be
your body giving you a warning?

Uh, how true that is.

-I want you in the hospital tomorrow.
-The hospital? For a sore throat?

Well, you're right. A sore throat
doesn't usually mean an operation.

But in this case, it does.

The sooner you have that operation,
the better.

But how soon will
my voice be back to normal?

See, I'm hosting a TV show in a week.

Ah. Well, it's hard to say.
Some people are fine right away.

Others take weeks
for their voices to go back to normal.

Don't eat or drink anything
after midnight.

-Right now I'm gonna draw some blood.
-You draw blood?

Isn't it more fun
to draw trees and flowers?

When I say draw blood,
it means I'm gonna ask my nurse

to use a needle to take
a small amount of Mr. Hatter's blood.

Oh, nurse.

-Roll up your sleeve, please.
-Hold it. Roll up your sleeve.

-Roll it up. There.
-Hare, that is the sleeve.

-Roll it up.
-I--

-All rolled up.
-Hey.

You're going to stick a needle in me?

Won't that hurt?

Well, to be honest,
you may feel a slight pinprick.

But that's all.

Oh, ow, oh, ow!

-That hurts. That hurts.
-Hatter. Hatter.

She hasn't stuck you yet.

I knew that.

Tell me when you're going to do it

because I need to take
a deep breath and clench my teeth.

-I know it's going to hurt.
-Hatter.

-Yeah.
-She already did it.

See, Hare, that didn't hurt a bit.

One more thing, Mr. Hatter.

When we start the operation,
I'm gonna have you wear a mask.

A mask? What a coincidence.
I brought one with me.

-Hare.
-Oh!

-Boo.
-[Hare laughing]

Pretty scary, huh?

Yes. But I want you to see our masks
so you won't be afraid of it.

When we start the operation,
I'm gonna place this mask over your face

-and ask you to breathe deeply into it.
-Hey. You look like a jet pilot.

Soon, you'll be fast asleep.

So you won't feel any pain
during the operation.

But, normally, if I'm asleep
and, say, somebody pinches me,

I do feel pain, and then I wake up.

This will be a much deeper sleep.

Oh, probably like when you're watching
Dormouse's home movies.

And then when you wake up,
all your friends will be at your bedside

to wish you well. So...

any questions?

Uh, yes, I have one.

When will you be getting some more
of those nifty ice-cream sticks?

[knocking on door]

Hi, Hatter.

-What are you doing?
-I'm behind this screen

because I'm wearing a hospital gown.

Aren't you coming out?

No. You'll laugh at me
when you see me in this thing.

Oh, come on.

I'm not going to laugh.

Well, okay.

[comical music playing]

-Sorry.
-Hare...

if I tell you something,
will you keep it a secret?

Yes. But I already know
you sleep with a night-light on.

Not that.

I was going to say
that I'm a little afraid of the operation.

That's all right.

If I were having my tonsils out,
I'd be a little afraid too.

But don't worry,
everyone will be waiting for you

when the operation's over.

It'll be okay.

I'm happy to report
the operation went very smoothly,

-and Mr. Hatter's resting comfortably now.
-Very good.

Oh, if he wakes up, don't let him talk.
His throat's gonna be sore.

Okay.

Look. Mr. Hatter's eyes are opening.

[Hatter] I had the strangest dream.

And you were in it.

And you were in it.

And you and you.

Hush. The doctor says
you're not supposed to talk.

Right. So how was the experience?

-Oh, you can't answer that.
-I'm sure if he could,

he would say it wasn't as bad
as he thought it was going to be.

So, what was it like when they put
that scary mask over your face?

Oh, you can't answer that.

But I'm sure if he could,
he would say it wasn't scary at all.

What do you think
of the get-well presents we brought you?

You can't answer that.

But I'm sure if he could,
he'd say they were perfectly lovely.

But then he'd ask why he didn't get
a nice bowl of yarn to play with.

So I brought him one.

Now we're going to leave
so you can get some rest.

-That's right.
-Okay.

[indistinct chatter]

Well, toodle-oo, Hatter.

It's been nice talk, uh-- [stammers]

Talking with you.

Hi, Hatter.

Why the long face?

[in raspy voice] Well, it's been days
since my operation, and listen to me.

My voice is getting better,
but still, I can't go on TV

sounding like this.

Well...

Do I look like the kind of friend
that'd let you go on a show

that plays the countdown
of the hottest hat videos

only days after you had your tonsils out

if your voice still sounded raspy,
scratchy and thrashed?

No, I guess you don't.

But even so, what can you do?

Well, as a matter of fact,

while you've been resting
and getting better,

I've been working night and day on this.

I'm beside myself.

Hare, this is terrific.

-Where's the rest of me?
-Don't you see, Hatter?

On the TV program, the camera only shows
the host's head and shoulders.

If the audience sees this on their screen,
they'll just assume it's you.

I hate to be a party pooper,
but the host of the show

has to speak, remember?

No problem.

[beeps]

[in robotic voice] I am the Mad Hatter.

No offense, Hare,
but his voice sounds worse than mine.

Well, it won't
after I juice up the electrotransfuser,

rev up the servo motor and...

Get him to gargle
with a cap full of mechanical mouthwash.

But how will the robot know what to say?

You'll be right by his side.

And when you see which video is coming up,

you'll write on this card the introduction
you would normally say. Like, uh...

And now for our next hit video...

Uh... Ooh!

Achy, breaky hat.

Then you'll feed it
into the robot like so.

And now for our next hit video,
achy, breaky hat.

See? Nobody out there in TV land will know
it's not really you hosting the show.

And with the machine this well-built,
what could go wrong?

[upbeat music playing]

♪ Let me reassure you
This will work out fine ♪

♪ Nothing could mess up
This plan of mine ♪

♪ Not even thunder and lightning
Floods or earthquakes ♪

♪ I tell you
This robot has got what it takes ♪

♪ I ask you
What could go wrong? ♪

♪ It won't be hard
And it won't take long ♪

♪ I ask you
Hatter, what could go wrong? ♪

♪ No matter what may happen
This time I'm prepared ♪

♪ Don't you worry about a thing
Nah, don't you be scared ♪

♪ This electronic Hatter is built
To keep on ticking ♪

♪ And only the audience
We're going to be tricking ♪

♪ I ask you
What could go wrong? ♪

♪ It won't be hard
And it won't take long ♪

♪ I ask you
Hatter, what could go wrong? ♪

♪ Nothing ♪

♪ I ask you
Hatter, what could go wrong? Huh? ♪

[announcer on Crystal]
Welcome to HTV's hat hot tracks.

[audience cheering on Crystal]

You're watching Hat TV.
All hats all the time.

Bring it in. We're almost on the air.

[announcer]
With special guest host, the Mad Hatter.

I never thought Mr. Hatter would get
his voice back so soon.

[music on Crystal] ♪ It's Hat TV ♪

Hello, all you hat lovers,
you fedora fans,

you derby devotees, you beanie buffs.

It's time for hat hot tracks.

Is it just me
or does the Hatter seemed a little stiff?

I'm sure it's just stage fright.

[announcer] Coming up next,
the top-ten countdown.

[show music playing over speakers]

And now let's take our hats off
to this great new video,

achy, breaky,

breaky, breaky, breaky...

Why is Hatter repeating himself?

Actually, Your Majesty,
you know, the repetition of the topic

or name subject is an excellent way
to make sure that one's intended audience

understands the point being made.

Oh, give me a break, Rabbit.

He's not explaining
the theory of relativity.

He's just introducing goofy hat videos.

-Hare, what's wrong with this thing?
-I think his breaky is broken.

[robot] Breaky, breaky, breaky...

What if we push this blue button?

Not the blue button.

Video, video, video...

Wow. Will you look at that?

It's amazing what they can do
with special effects these days.

[laughs] Whoa.

Video, video, video...

-What if I push this red button?
-Not the red button.

[both coughing]

Wow.

Hatter's throat must still be sore.

What?

What are you going to do? The people
are expecting to see the Mad Hatter

-host the rest of the show.
-Then that's what they'll see.

Hi-h*, hat fans. [coughs]
This is the real Mad Hatter speaking.

Barely.

That other guy was just a robot
cooked up to fill in for me

because I just had my tonsils taken out.

Goodness. Mr. Hatter shouldn't be talking
if his voice sounds like that.

I'll say.
Of all the chuckleheaded things to do.

But don't worry,
my voice will be back to normal soon,

and I'll host the show again.

That is assuming
that I'm not banned from Hat TV for life.

Bye-bye.

[audience applauding]

Cheer up, Mr. Hatter. Hat TV did
invite you back to host the show.

As long as you leave the robot at home.

Right. This was a case
where two heads weren't better than one.

No, no, no, Hatter. Rest your voice.

Besides, there are ways
to communicate other than speaking.

You don't say.

[upbeat music playing]

♪ If there are no words
Running from between your lips ♪

♪ If the well is dry
You're all choked up ♪

-♪ Here's some handy tips ♪
-♪ You don't say ♪

-♪ There's more than one way to be heard ♪
-♪ You don't say ♪

♪ Many a ways to use a word ♪

♪ If you're in between engagements
And you want to save your voice ♪

♪ Well, for me, sign language
Is my very first choice ♪

♪ Oh, if you're in a jam
And you cannot speak ♪

♪ Grab a pen and write a letter
There's no need to be meek ♪

♪ If a sentence must be said
Well, don't worry your head ♪

♪ Why not try semaphore
For that something more? ♪

♪ If there are no words running
From between your lips ♪

♪ If the well is dry, you're all choked up
Here's some handy tips ♪

-♪ You don't say ♪
-♪ There's more than one way to be heard ♪

-♪ You don't say ♪
-♪ Many, many ways to use a word ♪

-♪ You don't say ♪
-♪ You can even send a telegraph ♪

-♪ You don't say ♪
-♪ Make it funny 'cause I like to laugh ♪

I know you're not going to like this,

but I've decided to take you
to the doctor on Thursday.

[meows]

Come on. If you go to the veterinarian
before you feel bad,

you'll stay happy,
bright-eyed and bushy-tailed.

-It's for your own good.
-[meows]

Wouldn't it be embarrassing
for a cat to get a stick as a dog?

Come on, Dinah.

Here, kitty.

[theme music playing]

♪ That's all for now
But we'll see you again ♪

♪ Come back real soon
Now that we're all friends ♪

♪ Where every day is something new ♪

♪ With music, rhyme and a dance or two ♪

♪ Use your imagination
And you'll understand ♪

♪ It's an adventure in Wonderland ♪

♪ Adventure in Wonderland ♪

♪ Adventures in Wonderland ♪