06x09 - Wrath of the Spider Queen pt. 1

[bunniefuu]

Mandy: I don't believe in
happy endings.

[ Suspenseful music plays ]

And that's how I broke every

Bone in my body over summer
vacation.

That's super, carol.

Anyone else want to thrill us
with their summer exploits?

Billy: ooh!

I had an awesome summer
vacation.

You see, my best friend is the
grim reaper, and we do all sorts

Of cool stuff together.

Grim!

Oh, grim!

I need you!

Grim: consarn it, boy.

This is "me" time.

Billy: we swim together, and
we lurk in graveyards together,

And sometimes we hold hands just
to enjoy the peace and quiet of

A summer day.

Grim: billy, I am not a toy.

You can't just summon me for no
reason.

Billy, the grim reaper was
pretty neat the first five or

Six times you brought it to
class, but the magic's sort of

Worn off.

Grim: yeah, billy.

You bring me to school with you
almost every day.

I think I know more about the
metric system than you do.

Billy: oh, yeah?

Then what's the capital of the
metric system, hmm?

Billy, please sit down.

We don't care about the grim
reaper the same way we don't

Care about pud'n's uncle being
an astronaut.

The gig is up, kid.

I still want my 2 bucks.

Mandy: I'm starting to wish
I'd spent more of my summer

Vacation luring bees into your
house.

Billy: aah!

Aah!

Sperg: I hate spiders.

That's why I carry this.

[ Vacuum whirs ]
I'm gonna get a bigger one soon

That sucks up wussies.

[ Laughs ]
[ laughter ]

Ms. Butterbean, I think my
bladder's gonna explode!

Please go use the restroom
this time, pud'n.

[ Unzips ]
aah!

Mandy: this spider thing is
getting out of hand.

Where are all these things
coming from?

Irwin: it's like an omen, yo.

Harbinger of doom.

It's like something's calling
out to the spiders, yo, telling

Them that this is their time,
that the age of man is over, and

That we all must make way for
the age of the spider.

Grim: [ chuckles ]
billy: all this talk of omens

Is making me thirsty.

I think we'd better split up.

I need to gets me a second milk.

Irwin: aren't you afraid the
spiders might get us if we split

Up, yo?

Billy: spiders don't scare
me.

Irwin: yes, they do!

Billy: that's beside the
point.

Irwin: what is the point?

Billy: the point is I work
alone, kid.

Yay.

Please, drink me, billy.

I'm full of calcium and vitamin
d.

Yeah, come on, billy.

What are you thinking?

You know where the party is.

Uh-huh.

Woo, woo, mooooooooo!

Billy: aah!

Hey, dad, I'm right next to
you.

No need to strain your voice.

Billy: aah!

Yeah, it's good to see you,
too, dad.

Billy: aah!

So, uh...

Guess what.

Billy: w-w-what?

Chicken butt.

[ Laughs ]
billy: aah!

Aah! Aah! Aaaaah!

No, seriously, dad, I've got
something to tell you.

You see, dad, I'm getting
married.

Billy: [ screams ]
look, dad, I know we haven't

Always seen eye to eye, but it'd
mean the world to me if you'd

Come to my wedding.

Billy: I hate you.

Why won't you die?

Whoa, dad, that's quite a
handshake.

[ Woman vocalizing ]
billy...

Help me, man.

Billy: for the milk!

[ Grunting ]
aah!

[ Music playing ]

Mandy: I wonder why billy

Didn't come to class.

Irwin: what are you on about,
woman?

Billy's right here, yo.

I just lent him 15 bucks and my
cellphone.

Sperg: ha!

I'm a double agent, sucker.

Another clean getaway.

[ Laughs ]
aah!

Mandy: something's not right.

I think it's your face,
loser.

Mandy: they do face
transplants now.

Maybe I'll take yours and put it
back on the pig it came from.

You dirty...

Why, I ought to...

Mandy: grim, don't you sense
that something strange is going

On?

Grim: yeah, but I'm too bored
to really care.

Why?

[ Woman vocalizing ]
hurry!

To me, billy.

To moooooo-e!

[ Grunts ]
welcome, my spiders.

Welcome to the lair of the
spider queen.

I have summoned you here with my
song tonight.

Billy: aah!

Yeah, dad.

That's my fiancã©, the spider
queen.

She's quite a singer.

Welcome also to the
representatives from the kingdom

Of the dark elves, who are so
kindly providing the catering

For the event tonight.

Quit it.

You quit it.

Tonight, my friends, is the
night I've waited 130,657 years

For.

This is the night I will eat the
grim reaper's head and devour

His powers, claiming my rightful
place as the one true reaper!

Oh, I'll also be getting
married.

[ Laughs evilly ]
billy: [ gasps ]

Oh, my gosh!

I just remembered what the
capital of the metric system is.

Mandy: where are all of the
other students?

I mean, it's just us and
clarence, and he's so boring, I

Don't even usually notice him.

Grim: I can't shake this
feeling that something in me

Past is coming back to haunt me.

Something, but what?

Hmm.

Irwin: aah!

[ Screaming ]
mandy: more spiders.

Grim: yeah, maybe something
to do with these crazy spiders.

But what?

Who?

Grim reaper, a message from
the spider queen.

Grim: hey, how did that guy
know who I was?

Mandy: because you look so
much like george clooney.

What's it say?

Grim: "a wedding invitation
from...velma green"?

Mandy: someone you know?

Grim: I thought it sounded
familiar, but --

"From junior high school,
stupid."

Well, it can't be that
velma green.

Oh, it is that velma green.

Hmm.

Hey, did he have to go
poo-poo?

Irwin: stop stealing billy's
material, you hack!

Hey!

I know you losers are causing
all this.

You freaks belong in a freak
mart, not in school with people

Who are friendly and normal.

Grim: I'm not causing this,
little girl, but I'm afraid I've

Brought grave danger to
endsville.

Get it?

"Grave danger"?

"Grave"?

And I'm the grim reaper, right?

[ Laughs ]
anyway, I'm afraid I've brought

About the wrath of the spider
queen.

Like how I worked the title in
like that?

Huh?

[ Laughing ]
mandy: get serious, grim,

Before I get serious.

Grim: okay, okay.

She went to junior high with me

I made her a little mad.

she was supposed to be the grim
reaper.

Mandy: 130,000 years?

That's an impressive grudge.

Grim: you're telling me.

You doodie faces are boring
me.

I just want you to make all the
spiders go away.

Spiders are gross and ugly, like
you two.

Aah!

Grim, it's so good to see you
again.

I missed you at the 50,000-year
reunion.

Grim: I had to wash my hair?

Hmm, yes.

Amusing, baldy, very amusing.

Your minions, I take it?

Mandy: minions?

Lady --
grim: velma, you've got it

All wrong.

Everything.

Grim, I'm getting married.

And before I do that, I want to
take care of all my

Unfinished business.

Grim: you've come to pay me
back the $2 you owe me from

Eighth grade?

No.

I've come to claim my rightful
place as reaper.

And in order to do that, I'm
afraid I'm going to have to eat

Your head.

Grim: my head?

I kind of need it.

Perhaps, grim, but I need it
more.

Hey, let me out of here, you
fashion disaster.

[ Hisses ]
mandy: yeah, keep doing that,

Einstein.

Einstein only had one outfit
that he wore over and over.

I laugh at your heroes, mandy.

Laugh.

Mandy: [ sighs ]
[ humming ]

Gee, dad, I'm so glad you
decided to come to my wedding

Instead of trying to k*ll me
again.

Billy: [ breathing heavily ]
there it is -- the spider

Palace.

Billy: aah!

What a place to have a
wedding, huh?

Billy: yeah.

A great place to have a wedding.

Help me.

Billy: son.

[ Grunting ]

Say, I love you, dad.

Billy: i...i...i...

I l-l...i l-l-l-l...i l-l...

I love you, too.

Say, are you gonna drink that?

Oh, this milk?

Sorry, I forgot I picked this
up.

Here it is, coming back at you.

Powered by my love.

[ Makes airplane sounds ]
billy: aah!

[ Coughing weakly ]
billy: it wasn't my fault.

I --
no, it wasn't your fault,

Billy.

It was the spider's fault.

We hate spiders for a reason.

Avenge me, billy.

Hurt him.

Hurt him very, very much.

[ Coughs ]
billy: goodbye, little milky.

I really wanted to drink you.

Don't worry, billy.

[ Gasps ]
I will always be with you.

Well, I mean, I'm gonna be here
a while.

We can catch up later or
something, go see a movie, a

Chalupa.

Billy: [ crying ]
whyyyyyyyy?

I'm so sorry I spilled your
milk, dad.

But, like other people's fathers
always told them, it's not worth

Crying over spilled milk.

Billy: [ breathing heavily ]
get -- out -- of here!

Okay.

You want to just meet me in
front of the palace at --

Billy: no, I mean get out of
here and never come back!

I hate spiders!

Don't you get it?

[ Cries ]
I don't have to be a spider,

Dad.

I can be anything you want me to
be.

I wanted to join the peace
corps, but I'll make you some

Cookies instead if that's what
you want.

Billy: I want you to get
squished!

I hate bugs!

What would it take for you to
get it through your big, gross

Head?

Take your ugly, hairy, smelly,
stupid girlfriend and get out of

My life!

[ Breathing heavily ]
dad, how dare you call velma

My girlfriend?

She's my fiancã©.

What's happening to me?

Aah!

Ohh! No!

I -- I've become angry!

Aah!

Get away from me!

I hate you, dad!

I hate you!

I only wanted to be a good son,
and you never came to any of my

Birthday parties and you never
let me see mom and you took all

My college money to buy
jawbreakers and you kept cutting

My brake cables and I've had it!

I don't need your stupid rules!

[ Crying ]
billy: good.

[ Laughing evilly ]
yes.

Yes!

I can feel the hatred flowing
through you.

Join me, and -- moooo!

Billy: ahh!

January 21...



Mandy: look, lady.

You got a bone to pick with
bonehead?

He's a jerk, sure.

But the armed invasion seems a
little extreme.

Grim: I am not a jerk.

I'm a giver.

Like when I gave you kids the
chicken pox again last summer.

[ Laughing ]
I've got a bone to pick

Because grim here cheated to get
where he is today.

Grim: if I were a cheater,
would I be permanently stuck

With two little kids?

I'm telling you, velma --
there's been a big mistake.

My mistake was trusting you,
grim.

You took advantage of my
friendship.

I have no more friendship left
to offer, grim.

Only a thirst for vengeance
that's like that kind of thirst

You get when you're out in the
sun a long time and for some

Reason, you keep eating ice
cream.

Grim: [ laughs weakly ]
velma, "cheating" is such a

Strong word.

Curtis! Kalgoron!

Bring grim to me.

I want to sample my cake.

Grim: [ gasps ]
let me do it.

The honor belongs to
kalgoron.

Stop it, kalgoron.

Oh, no, I got icing in my brain.

[ Laughing ]

Oh, I'll deal with you little

Apes later.

Right now, I've got bigger heads
to fry.

Hey, guess what, honey
bottom.

I'm my own man now.

I don't need nobody.

What do you think about that?

Good for you, jeffy.

Now please be quiet.

I'm trying to exact some revenge
over here.

You be quiet!

Nobody puts jeffy in a corner.

I'm mad at the world, baby!

[ Crying ]

Remember the day we met, grim?

Your head even looked tasty back
then.

[ Laughs ]

Oh, gross.

What is that stuff?

Sick.

Grim: my memories.

If you look inside, you can see
what's really in my head.

Doesn't this happen to you when
you pop your skull open?

Hmm.

You mean if I look inside your
head, I can see what you

Remember?

Grim: yes.

If you peer inside, you'll know
my truest, most personal

Thoughts.

Don't look too deep.

There are dark places in my mind
that no one should see.

Honey, I'm home, and I
brought dinner.

Wait a minute.

This isn't my house.

My wife's a stegosaurus.

What am I looking at, grim?

Grim: I'm remembering the day
you moved to town.

The first time we met.

媻 my name is stegosaurus
♪ I'm a funny-looking dinosaur

All: ♪ for on my back are
bony plates ♪

媻 and on my tail there's more
♪ my front two legs are very

Short ♪
♪ my back two legs are long

媻 my body's big
♪ my head is small

媻 I'm put together wrong

Hey, I found my contact lens.

That's great, honey.

Wow.

Yes, this looks like an
excellent planet to settle down

On...and conquer.

[ Laughs evilly ]
velma, don't forget your

Sweater.

Grim: [ giggles ]
this was my first memory of you.

The day you moved to the
underworld from spider planet

In galaxy omega-9.

I thought you and I would be
friends forever.

Well, maybe you should have
thought about that before you

Cheated.

Cheater, cheater, pumpkin eater.

Grim: wait, velma.

What I really wanted to show you
was what happened all those

Years ago, during the reaper
election.

Mandy: wait, you got elected
to be the grim reaper?

Grim: yeah, I won a scare
election...

A long time ago, when velma and
I went to junior high together.

[ Record scratches ]
aah!

Mandy: hang on a minute,
spider-butt.

I want to know how grim became
the grim reaper.

I want to go to the mall.

There's a sale at the clip-on
earring barn.

All right.

Let's all watch grim's memories
together.

Then his shame will be complete.

Everyone will know what you did
and how you lied.

Curtis! Kalgoron!

Hook our guest up to the big
screen so everyone can watch.

[ Cheers and applause ]
grim: hey!

Cut that out!

Don't touch that.

What?

Just don't touch it.

Why?

Trust me, idiot.

Don't touch it.

I'm touching it.

Next time on "the grim
adventures of billy & mandy"...

Irwin: it's like an omen, yo.

Harbinger of doom.

It's like something's calling
out to the spiders, yo, telling

Them that this is their time,
that the age of man is over, and

That we all must make way for
the age of the spider.

[ Woman vocalizing ]
the time for explanations is

Over.

The time to feast on your powers
has begun.

[ Laughs evilly ]