03x03 - The Meanie and the Genie/In Cold Fudd

[bunniefuu]

(THEME SONG PLAYING)

Souvenirs, trinkets,
knickknacks,

all the finest curiosities
of the Arabian peninsula
right here.

You sir! You look like a fella
who could use a trinket
or a knickknack.

How about a toy scimitar
for your kiddies?

A designer veil for the missus?

Or maybe a snow globe
from the Hanging gardens
of Babylon?

No! I'm not looking
for any of that garbage!

I'm looking for a lamp
with a magic genie inside!

Oh, sure! I got one of those.

I don't have one of those.

Problem is I don't know
which one of the lamps is
the right one.

Guess you'll have to
buy 'em all.

Oh, fine! Gimme 'em!

(GROANS)

Good luck finding
that genie, doc.

Hey Mac, you dropped one!

Oh, he scuffed it.

Maybe I can
buff it out a little.

I'm here. I'm here!

The genie has
left the bottle.

Holy smokes!
You're a genuine genie?

Of course I am.

I don't just cram myself
into household appliances
for my health.

Now I can give you
anything your heart desires.

Anything in the world!

Really? Anything I want?

You bet your sweet bippy,
my little buck-toothed pal.

The world is your oyster.

Huh. I could go
for some carrots.

Oh, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no.

I wouldn't waste a wish
on a root vegetable.

How about a blender?
Purees and mixes.

Perfect for smoothies.

Under warranty,
until it breaks.

No genie. No genie.

Consarnit! That rabbit
done sold me a bunch

of worthless scrap metal!

Where'd he go?

(EXCLAIMING IN HORROR)
The genie?

I said I don't
want a blender.
I want carrots.

What you need
is a hair dryer.

(WHIRRING)

Get it? Hair dryer?
(CHUCKLES)

Or maybe a vacuum.

Whatever your wish is
my command!

Ooh! I've done been
played a fool!

I'm gonna get that rabbit.

Call 555-0126 now

before these deals go
up in smoke.

Now cut that out.

You ain't
granting wishes.

You're just
shilling products.

Oh, fiddle-dee-dee.
All right, you caught me.

So I run a little side-business
out of the lamp. Big deal!

Listen, Smokie,

all I want is
a ton of carrots
a place to put 'em.

A casa de carrots, eh?
Coming right up!

(GROANS)

Hey! Who put
this giant palace here?

Hey, what's
all that racket, huh?

(BUGS BUNNY BEATBOXING)

Ah, it's nothing.

Just that rabbit conga dancing
with some giant carrots

while my magical genie
plays the drums.

My magical genie!

Aha! Genie, I command you
to stop playing those drums!

I can't, mustache.

My master has
wished for an hour
of conga drum playing.

My hands are k*lling me.

Well, I've got the lamp!

And that means
I'm your master now.

Wait. Let me check
my contrast.

Forty hours a week,
must-grant-wishes.

Ah, here it is!

Whoever holds the lamp
is my master.

By golly, you're right!

Hey! Who turned off the music?

Genie! I wish for you
to kick this rabbit
out of here!

As you wish, master.

(SCREAMING)

Nobody steals my genie.

That's right,
get between
them toes.

Don't go easy on them.
I'm not ticklish or nothing.

You know, you could have
wished for someone else
to give you a foot massage.

BUGS BUNNY: Oh, genie.

Would you be so kind

as to fill
the Sultan's silk pajamas

with vanilla pudding?

Pants full of pudding, check.

Ooh! Genie,
crush that bunny
with a boulder!

What is this? 850 BC?

How about
a goose-feathered
sleeping bag

filled with antique
Japanese tea kettles?

Not so smart,
are you, rabbit?

BUNNY: (MUFFLED) Genie,
hit him with a frying pan.

Even better,
a state of the art
non-stick frying pan.

(SCREAMING)

Attack him with a gaggle
of punching monkeys.

Well, I'm gonna have to
import them, but you got it!

(LAUGHING)

Drop a bag
of golf clubs on him!

(YELPS) Drop
a bird bath on him!

-(YELPS)
-(LAUGHING)

- BUNNY: A TV!
- SAM: (YELPS)

- SAM: A donkey!
- BUNNY: (GROANS)

- BUNNY: An ice cream cart!
- SAM: Dumbbells!

- BUNNY: Iron!
- SAM: Pool table!

- BUNNY: Piano! Picture!
- SAM: A bed!

- SAM: Ming vase! A toaster!
- BUNNY: Table! Chair!

- SAM: Sink! Stool!
- BUNNY: Candelabra!

(BUGS BUNNY
MUTTERING INCOHERENTLY)

Well boys, you certainly
wished for a mouthful.

Now is a good time
to pay up your tab.

Our tab? Wait!
These wishes
aren't free?

(LAUGHING)
Oh, heavens no.

I stopped giving out free wishes
years ago.

What do you think I am,
a charity? Now, let's see.

Carrots, exotic monkeys,
a donkey, frying pan,

industrial fan, giant sponge,
sleeping bag, tea kettles,
pool tables...

We can't possibly pay that!

Well, I guess you'll have to
work it off.

How's it going
down there, shorty?

Scrubbed the turlets
just like you said, master.

Splendid! Now start
polishing my buttresses.

Well, it just goes to show you,

be careful what you wish for.

Oh boy, oh boy.

I made it all the way
across the country

for my big hunting trip.

I've got everything I need.

I've got my shotgun,
my bow and arrow,

my hunting knife,
traps, decoys,

night vision goggles,
satellite tracking system,

laser guided r*fle scope
and my caramel corn.

You can't go hunting
without caramel corn.

- What's up, doc?
- Oh, hello.

I'm on a hunting trip.

A hunting trip, huh?

Looks like you're ready
to invade a foreign country.

I am. Rabbit country.

And all I need to do is get
myself to the hunting lodge,

and I can start tracking
cute, little rabbits.

Say, you're not a rabbit,
are you?

Me? Uh, no.

I'm the baggage handler
for the hunting lodge.

I'll take all of your luggage
to the lodge for you.

Oh, how nice.
Thank you.

Oh, look!
The lodge is that way.

Wait a minute.
That baggage handler
went in the wrong direction.

Uh, excuse me, mister,

but the lodge is
that way.

Hey!

Where's all
my hunting supplies?

BUNNY: Sorry, bub,
wind took 'em into the lake.

The lake? Oh, no!

BUNNY: No tip? Figures.

Oh no, oh no,
oh no, oh no.

(GRUMBLES) How am I supposed
to hunt without my supplies?

Oh, I bet they've got
more at the hunting lodge.

And I know just the guy
to take you there.

(WHISTLES) Hey taxi!

- BUNNY: Squeaks, take this guy
to the hunting lodge,
-(SQUEAKING) I'm on it.

He says
you'll be there
in no time.

Oh, great.

ELMER: This cab sure is cramped.

Step on it, driver.
I don't have all...
(SCREAMING)

(GROANS) ...day.

Hey bro, you okay?

No! I just had
the worst taxi
cab ride of my life.

Oh, don't worry
about it, brosephus.

I'm a rickshaw driver.

I can take you
wherever you need to go.

I need to get
to the hunting lodge.

You got it, bro.

Wow! Look at the view
from here.

If you think
this is good,

wait until you see the one
on the way down.

Bye bye.

(SCREAMING)

(GROANS)

Thank goodness
I landed in this pile of tires.

(CHUCKLES)

"Tire burning Mondays."
Wait a minute.

Today's Monday!

(FIRE BURNING)
(ELMER SCREAMING)

Wow! He's really burning rubber.

Huh? (CHUCKLES)

Oh, thanks to that
rabbit's shenanigans,

I have no idea where I am.

I've gotta get
to that hunting lodge,

or I'm gonna miss all the fun.

Wait a minute.

Maybe I don't have to go
to the hunting lodge after all.

-(MOTOR REVVING)
- What the--

You're a long way from home.

The name's Chainsaw,

-(MOTOR REVS)
- and this is my partner
Axe handle.

(MOTOR REVS)

We're with
the Biker wildlife association.

- And we don't like--
-(MOTOR REVVING)

- And we don't like-- and we--
-(MOTOR REVVING)

Knock it off, Axe handle!

And we don't let
anyone hunt
in this forest.

I'm not hunting.
This rabbit was chilly,

so I'm snuggling him
so he warms up a little bit.

(ANGRY SQUEAKING)

- Easy, Axe handle, easy.
-(AXE HANDLE GRUMBLES)

You're not fooling
anyone, buddy.

You're messing
with wildlife.

And do you know what we do
to people who mess
with wildlife around here?

You snuggle them
to warm them up a little bit?

No! We make them listen
to really annoying sounds.

BUNNY: Like nails
on a chalkboard.

A dental drill.

A jackhammer.

BUNNY: The busy signal
on a phone.

Polka music.

This guy's voice.

I say, I say, did I ever
tell you how I got
the name Foghorn?

It was a cold
and blustery night.

It was so cold,
even the polar bears
were putting on sweaters.

That's a joke, son.
Why ain't you laughing?

- Stop it!
- That's what you get

for trying to hunt rabbits.

Hey. You're
that rabbit.

And you're cute!
Axe handle!

-(MOTOR REVS)
- See you
at the rendezvous point.

Oh. Crazy rabbit.

If this guy wants
to beat a rabbit,

then he has to be a rabbit.

Get back here!

Buddy, are you okay?

I really took a spill.

Here, this ought to
make you feel better.

Thank you. I actually am
quite fond of carrots.

I make a delicious carrot soup.

Really? You'll have to
get me the recipe.

It's simple, really.

Just carrots, onions,
celery, cracked pepper...

(GRUMBLES) You keep
messing with me, rabbit!

Don't get mad
at me, doc.

You wanted me to get you
to the hunting lodge, and I did.

- Huh?
- Bye.

Well, what do you know?

Hey everybody, come on out!

I'm here, I'm here!

And I'm dressed like a
(SCREAMING) rabbit!

(ELMER SCREAMING)

(MOTOR REVVING)

Well, that's one rabbit hunt
I can approve of.

Axe handle, did you wire
the lodge?

You bet I did.

Then let's light
this candle.

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)