03x11 - Point Beak/Cal the Viking

[bunniefuu]

We think he's the one

who's been stealing
all the food
from the Snack Shack.

We call him
the Snack Shack Bandit.

Officer Porky,
Officer Horace,

you two
are going under cover.

Under covers?
Great, I love taking naps.

You're not napping!

You're gonna dress up
and pretend to be surfers.

Then you get to be
chummy with that duck,
catch him in the act,

then arrest him red-handed.

But, Chief, I don't know
how to surf.

Come on, Porky,
how hard can it be?

I'll be there to get your back
the entire time, all right?

Eh, you're right.
Let's, eh, get that duck.

To the beach!

You numcruds.

We're already at the beach.

Now get out!

Em, not too shabby.

Hoo-hoo. Whoo-hoo!

Eh, look at the size
of those waves.

Ah, it's a good thing
Horace said he'd have my back.

Oh, hey, Porky,
I forgot to tell you
I don't surf.

Eh, what?

Yeah. Here's the deal.
I don't like the water none.

(STUTTERING) But-but you...
But, if...

Hey, if "ifs" and "buts"
were candy and nuts,

every day would be Christmas.

Get out there and surf, pal.

(SLURPING)

Eh, surf's up, brah.

Yeah. Hey.

I love surfing.
It's the best, right, brah?

Oh, I get it.
I hear ya.

I-I'm gonna back off.
So yeah,
let me get out of your hair.

Don't wanna...
(SCREAMS)

Whoa.

(EXCLAIMING)

D'oh!

(GASPING)

Whoa, brah, that was
some sweet riding out there.

It'd be an honor
to ride the waves with you.

Eh, what?
I mean, yeah, it would.

My name's Daffy,
and I pretty much
run this beach.

I didn't catch your name.

Uh, duh, it's-it's Johnny.

Uh, New Mexico.

Cool surfer dude.
(CHUCKLES)

Johnny New Mexico.

HORACE: Porky!

Hey, Porky!
I saw you surf.

Is that guy talking to you?

No, no, I, uh,
don't think so.

Hey, everyone,
that guy right over there,

is my good friend,
Porky Pig.

He's pointing right at you.

Uh, no, not me.
There are a lot of pigs
on the beach.

HORACE: I know there are
a lot of pigs on this beach...

Uh, excuse me.

...but I'm talking
about that pig,

right there...

-(GAGS)
- Would you be quiet?

You're uh, gonna
blow my cover.

Sorry, Porky, I'm just
so proud of you.

Eh, thank you.
But, p-please stop.

It turns out that
horse was confused.
(CHUCKLES)

It's cool.

Listen, I do a lot more
than surf.

I do a lot of
dangerous stuff, too.

I'm a rebel, above the law,

living life on the edge.

Care to join me?

(STUTTERING)
I'm in.

Let's do some jet-ski.

Renegade style! Whoo-hoo!

Come on, Porky,
you gotta get in there.

(SIGHS)

Renegades for life!

I don't see
what's so renegade about this.

All we're doing is
riding jet-skis.

Wow, you're pretty hardcore

if you don't think
riding a jet-ski on fire
is renegade.

O-on fire?

(SCREAMS)

(BLOWING)

-(EXPLODES)
-(PORKY SCREAMS)

DAFFY: Whoo-hoo-hoo!

Whoo-hoo!

Renegade!

I'm proud of you, Porky.

All right, Johnny,
watch me launch myself
into the water.

But how is this
breaking the rules?

Well, I just ate
a few minutes ago,

and you're not supposed to
eat and swim.

Pretty sure that's a rule.

- Whoo-hoo!
-(WATER SPLASHES)

Hey, Johnny New Mexico!

It's your turn. Come on!

The water's great.

Here I c-come!

(GRUNTING)

Okay, now I'm not
so proud of you, all right?

PORKY: Eh, can I
take the blindfold off yet?

DAFFY: Almost.

And, surprise!

W-we're on a plane?
(EXCLAIMS)

Oh, and if you're wondering
how this is
breaking the rules,

no one is flying the plane.

Huh?

Now let's jump.

One hundred percent
pure adrenaline.
Whoo-hoo!

Eh, wait. I ca... I can't!

HORACE: (OVER RADIO)
Porky. Come in, Porky.

Get down here.
It's the Snack Shack Bandit.

(SCREAMS)

Hey, I'm doing it.

Ee, 100% p-p-pure adrenaline!

Now to safely float
to the Earth.

(CRASHES)

Porky, you did it.
I'm proud of you again.

You caught that duck
is the act.

- ELLIOTT: Ow!
- Wait, what?

(MUTTERING)
Get this numcrud off me!

Hey, Chief, why are you
holding a bunch of candy bars?

And why do you have chocolate
all over your face?

C-c-can't you see, Horace?

The Chief is the one,
eh, stealing all the food
from the Snack Shack.

Oh, fine.
You caught me red-handed.

I'm the Snack Shack Bandit.

Frankly, I can't believe
you two caught me.

You're the worst officers
on the force.

Not for long.

I just signed up
for the police academy.

Book him, horsey.

You got it, surfer duck guy.

My goodness, I never realized
how soft and fluffy you are.

I just want to
tuck you into bed

and read you a bedtime story.

Well, we captured
the thief.

Y-you know,
you're not a cop yet.

And you're still undercover.

What do you say,
Mr. New Mexico?

Eh, d-don't mind if I do.

BOTH: Surf's up!

(BOTH EXCLAIM)

(BLOWING HORN)

I am Cal, the Viking.

And I am here
to rob and pillage this zone.

This Cal-zone.

I pillage this ox.

I pillage this village.
(GRUNTS)

Hey, buddy!

I'm one of the few people
who bathe in this time period.

I am Cal the Viking.

And I will
pillage your bathtub...

(SPLASHING)

...and your hand towels

and, uh, whatever this is.

And you are my dinner.

Oh, Viking god, Odin,

I shall eat this rabbit
in your honor.

Oh, wait, Doc.
There's still more
to be pillaged.

More to be pillaged?

Well, yeah. A hidden treasure.

More gold and jewels
than you've ever seen.

But if you sacrifice me now,
you won't be able
to pillage it.

And I know how you
loves the pillaging.

Of course I love pillaging.

If pillaging were a woman,

I would marry her.

Okay, enough
with the pillage spillage.

Follow me.

Here it is, Doc.

This is the Dark Forest
where we keep
all the treasure.

(BLOWS HORN)

Prepare to be pillaged,
Dark Forest.

Hey, I do not see
any treasures.

Just this sign that says,
"Danger, wild dogs."

-(GASPS)
-(SNARLING)

(CAL SCREAMING)

(GASPING)

Here's another sign.

"Danger, aggressive py..."
(EXCLAIMS)

(GRUNTING)

(GROANING)

Oh, no.
"Adorable little hamsters?"

Hello, hairy little...

-(SCREAMS)
-(HAMSTERS SQUEAKING)

-(CANNON FIRES)
-(SHOUTS)

(GRUNTS)

I'm lucky
these mysterious bags
broke my fall.

Wait. Mysterious bags?

This must be the treasure!

Whoa! What a haul!

Soggy hamburger buns,
old cups,

soiled diapers...

Wait a second.

Congratulations, Cal.
You pillaged our garbage dump.

- Garbage dump?
-(RATS SQUEAKING)

(SCREAMS)

(LAUGHING)

(GASPS)

All right, rabbit.

Clearly you do not know
where the treasure is,

so I must destroy you

No, wait, wait, wait, wait.

I forgot. We don't keep it
in the Dark Forest anymore.

It's on the other side
of the island.

But we need your boat
to get there.

Okay. Fine.

-(THUDS)
-(GROANS)

Grab the oars
and row on the beat.

-(BEATING DRUM)
-(BUGS GRUNTING)

(PANTING)

What is the matter with you?

We are barely moving.

Eh, I'm not too good at this.

How about you row
and I beat the drums?

Fine. But you better
keep the beat.

Oh, I'll keep the beat,
all right.

(BEATING DRUM)

(GRUNTING)

(PLAYING PEPPY BEAT)

All right, pal,
it's your guitar solo.

(PLAYING ELECTRIC GUITAR)

(GRUNTS)

Wasn't just the drums
that took the beating.

(PLAYS RIMSHOT)

- We made it!
-(GROANS)

The treasure is in this cave.

- Have at it, pal.
- Oh, no.

In that cave, there is
probably a pack of bobcats

or a pile of pig droppings.

Oh, you caught me.

That's where we keep
the pig droppings.

In fact, that's where we keep
pretty much all the droppings.

I knew it.

Then the real treasure
must be in that cave
over there.

(SNORING)

Cave, prepare to be pillaged!

(BLOWS HORN)

(GAGS)

(CAL GRUNTING)

- Oh, no.
-(SNEEZES)

(GRUNTS)

Where am I?

BUGS: You are with me,

Odin, God of the Vikings.

(GASPS)

You are Odin?
I thought you'd be bigger.

I may be small,

but I carry a big stick.

(EXCLAIMS)

Oh, mighty Odin,
tell me thy bidding.

I must show you
the secret way

to get to Valhalla!

There you join me
among the Pantheon
of Viking gods.

Oh, mighty Odin,
the honor is too great.

Yes, it probably is.

First, push your ship
out into the sea.

(GRUNTS)

Now, what's
your favorite color?

- Red.
- You dare lie to Odin?

Periwinkle.

Really? Periwinkle? Huh.

Now set your ship on fire!

Are you sure?

You dare question Odin?

(GASPS)

(FIRE ROARING)

Now get in your second ship!

I do not have a second ship.

Well then, you better
go after your first one.

What? My ship!

(SCREAMS)

I guess Cal's sendoff
wasn't to his Viking.

Valhalla!