03x26 - CinderPorker

[bunniefuu]

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

NARRATOR: Welcome
to Elmer Fudd's
literary classics.

Hello, I'm your host,
Elmer Fudd.

Today's story is
about a young orphan
named CinderPorker

ELMER: who was adopted by
a family of rich cats.

CinderPorker, what
do you think
you're doing?

(STAMMERING)
Hello, Stepfather.

I was just scrubbing
all the spilled cream
off the floor.

I spilled it
there on
purpose.

It makes it
easier to drink.

(SLURPING)

Knock it off.

You're
aristocats.

You don't
drink cream
off the ground.

You drink it from
a cup with your
pinky extended.

Like this.

(SPLASHES)

(SLURPING)

Numskulls.

And you, you're
supposed to be
cleaning the toilets

and washing
clogged sweat
socks.

And picking
the fleas
off my butt.

Here.

Ugh, okay.

I will
work faster.

Well,
see that
you do.

And in the
meantime, it's
time for us

to take
our afternoon
snoo-tea break.

Who wants
a spicy tuna
roll, huh?

I do, I do,
I do!

(WHOOSHES)

(SIGHS GRIMLY)

Oh, well, Tree.

You're the only one
who doesn't have
chores for me to do.

Well, actually,
my upper branches

could use
a little trimming.

Even you?

(LAUGHING)

- I'm just kidding.
-(LAUGHING)

Oh, Tree.
You're my
best friend.

I'll always
be your
best friend.

I have
no choice.

I'm rooted
to the ground.

Stuck here.

♪ Oh, tree
You're my very
best friend

♪ I know you'll
always stick with me
Till the end

♪ You turn my tears
Into a chuckle

♪ I sit on your branches
And they don't bite

♪ 'Cause you got me
Cooking with gas

♪ Hey, what's up
With this rash? ♪

How many times do
I have to tell you
I'm a poison oak?

-(CINDERPORKER SCREAMS)
-(THUDS)

Lotion!
I need lotion!

(SCREAMING)

Poison oak.
Never kept it
a secret.

ELMER: Meanwhile,
at the royal palace,

King Thes was trying to
find his daughter, Petunia,
a husband.

My daughter, three
suitors have come
to the kingdom

seeking your hand
in marriage.

Are you ready to hear
their declarations
of love?

I told you
I don't wanna
meet anybody.

That's
the spirit!

Bring in
the first
suitor.

I say,
I say,
Petunia.

Shall I compare
thee to a summer's
day?

Of course,
now that I
think about it,

on a summer's day,
I get kind of sweaty.

(SNIFFS)

(RETCHING)

Oh, mercy me,
I stink!

FOGHORN: It smells
like garlic.

(FOGHORN SNIFFS)

FOGHORN: Reminds
me of mommy's
minestrone.

Next!

♪ Petunia!
I want to marry you!

♪ I'm kinda out of options
So I guess you'll do ♪

(SCREAMING)

Next.

Petunia, if you marry
me, you won't have to
do any housework,

because I built
the Immacubot 9000.

Allow me to
demonstrate.

(YELPS)

(EXCLAIMING IN PAIN)

(EXCLAIMING IN AGONY)

I'd go with the
guy who smells
like garlic.

I'm notmarrying any of them.

First off,
they're all
goofballs.

Second, they
can't keep up
with me.

♪ I love to
eat peanut butter
with my hands

♪ I play guitar
In my one-man band

♪ I ride down Everest
on just one ski

♪ But I drive
my sports car at 103

♪ You can't keep up with me
♪ We can't keep up with she

♪ You can't keep up with me
♪ We can't keep up with she

♪ I can ace my calculus
With my feet

♪ And do the booty wiggle
to the disco beat

♪ So if a man wants me
to wear his ring

♪ He's gotta be a dude
who does all these things

♪ He's gotta keep up with me
♪ He's gotta keep up with she

♪ He's gotta keep up with me
♪ He's gotta keep up with she

♪ He's gotta keep up with me

♪ Because I'm
super savvy ♪

Well, I don't
care what
she wants,

I'm going to find
her a husband if
it kills me.

(EXCLAIMING EXCITEDLY)

Daddy, daddy!
Look at this!

"Princess Petunia
is single and looking
to mingle.

"All eligible
bachelors in
the kingdom

"are invited
to the palace
at 8:00 p.m."

That means the
princess is looking
for a prince!

Ooh!

I want
to be
a prince!

(MEWLING)

No, I want
to be
a prince!

-(BOTH SNARLING)
- Knock it off!

Neither of you
are gonna be
a prince

if you don't
clean up
your act.

Porky, I need you
to clean up these two
for the ball.

(FLEAS BUZZING)

I'll see
what I
can do.

Well, look
at you two.

You look
stupendous!

Let's get to that
ball before I marry
you myself.

Hold up. Where
do you think
you're going?

To the ball.

You? Go to
the ball?

(LAUGHING)
That's rich.

Yeah, you
can't go to
the ball.

You're covered
with garbage
and fish guts.

What? No I'm not!

You are now!

(LAUGHING)

Come on, boys.
We've got a
princess to woo.

Yeah.

Ugh, I guess
I'll never go
to the ball.

Welcome to
my world.

I can't
go anywhere.

DAFFY: What a
couple of sad sacks.

Who said that?

I did. I'm
your fairy
duck-mother.

I'm here to
help you go
to the ball.

Can I
go too?

I'm his fairy
duck-mother.
Not yours.

Oh, nuts.

First, I'll prepare
your door-to-door
transport

by turning
those mice
into horses,

and that rutabaga
into a carriage.

(THUDS)

But these
are whales!

Okay, okay. Maybe
we should work
on your outfit first.

Orca bros,
let's do this.

- Five, six, seven, eight.
-(PIANO MUSIC PLAYING)

♪ Make him pretty
Make him spiffy

♪ And let's do it in a jiffy

♪ First we wash him
head to toe

♪ Give his skin
a golden glow

♪ Give him fancy underpants
Wear this perfume
It's from France

♪ Make him fit
the finest fabric

♪ Let's make sure
that it's a classic

♪ Give his face
a sparkling smile
And his head a cool hairstyle

♪ Add a pair of platform shoes
And throw in a fish or two

♪ Make him pretty
Make him spiffy

♪ In a jiffy ♪

(music stops)

Have a great time!

(WHALES GROANING)

(CREAKING)

Yeah, you know what?
I'm just gonna pop you
in a sports car.

(ENGINE REVVING)

(TIRES SCREECHING)

Well, well, well,

look at all
these potential
princes.

Father, I told
you I'm not
interested.

Hi, toots.

You're coming
with me.

(EXCLAIMS)

(WAILS)

(YELLS)

(CRASHING)

This is exactly why
I don't need a man--

- Hey!
- Oh, I'm sorry.

I get carried away
sometimes when I'm
disco dancing.

Did you say
disco dancing?

- Of course.
- Would you like to dance?

-(CHUCKLING) Sure.
-(DISCO MUSIC PLAYING)

Sorry if my hands
are sticky,

I eat peanut
butter out of
a jar.

So do I!

How did you get
to be such a great
disco dancer?

I just use
basic calculus.

You like
calculus?

I love
calculus.

My best friend
is an oak tree.

He checks
my work.

Oak tree?
My best friend
is a rock.

You're the most
incredible man
I've ever met.

Wait right here,

I'm going to
introduce you
to my father.

Hey, where did
my cool hairdo go?

DAFFY: Oh,
I forgot to
tell you.

The spell only
lasts like ten
minutes.

Who casts
a ten-minute
spell?

(SQUEALS)

Maybe get
out of here

before your magic
underwear goes poof.

(SQUEALING)

What? But...

Where is thatmysterious handsome prince

who was
standing here?

He had
to jet.

Taquito?

(PANTING)

(YELLS)

PETUNIA: Wait!
We have so much
in common!

I have a whole
book of calculus
we can do.

(THUDS)

(SQUEAKING)

(PANTING)

(POOFS)

(SQUEALING)

Mysterious prince, wait!

I will only
marry the man

who fits in
this goldfish
platform shoe.

I know
love is blind,

but did he have
to have such
bad taste?

We must
find him!

ELMER: So, the princess
and her father

went all around
the countryside

looking for whoever
would fit into the shoe.

After months of searching,

they came to the final house,

CinderPorker's house.

(STRAINING)

(TWANGING)

(MEOWS)

Don't eat
the shoe.

Try on
the shoe.

(THUMPING)

I guess I'll
never find my
Prince Charming.

Hey, I haven't
tried it on yet.

Porky, it's not
gonna fit you.

You're just
a lowly
servant pig.

You're the man
I fell in love with
on the dance floor.

Porky, will you
marry me?

But, Petunia, I...

(STAMMERING)

(CONTINUES TO STAMMER)

All right,
let's move
this along.

♪ Petunia
You're my very best friend

♪ I know you'll always
stick with me till the end

♪ You're handsome and true
With you the world
seems so brand-new

♪ Because of you
I am now free

♪ Oh let's get married
by this tree ♪

I now pronounce you
pig and male pig.

You may kiss
the groom.

(BOTH EXCLAIMING)

Still a
poison oak.

- Lotion!
- I need lotion!

ELMER: And so they lived
scratchily ever after.

Because long stories
are like taquitos.

The cheesier the better.

(CHUCKLING)

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)